no because you're so correct about tfa Optimus being a virgin is yummy.
Like of all the Optimi, yeah, he is the most virgin, and he's not particularly embarrassed about unless he's with a partner because he doesn't want to underperform for them.
I think that all of the Optimi have some *air* of virginity about them, even if they aren't actually virgins. Some of the Optimi fuck like rabbits, some are more selective.
Tfa Optimus is 100% virgin, he's never had a spike in his valve or a valve around his spike. Before getting to Earth, he'd never considered taking anyone to bed as he was focused on being a good little prime, or as good as he could be. But after, he never considered taking a cybertronian partner because his options were limited and he really didn't wanna bang his teammates or cash in his v-card to them. He's also their boss and Optimus has some morals. But there's humans everywhere. Increasingly curious organic creatures that, as he's learned, have sexual needs that they may fulfill. And when Optimus does get a human partner, interfacing/sex really is the last thing in his mind because, while yes he's thought about it, but how would it work? He's much too big for any human partner, maybe too big mass displaced as well.
And I have literally sooo many tangents I wanna go off on, but instead I will rank the Optimi based on how virgin they are.
Virgin: tfa and g1
Not a virgin, but currently gets no action: Bay, Armada
Virgin, but masturbates vigorously: tfp, tfONE
Not a virgin, and currently gets action: earthspark
Anyways feel free to disagree w me because I play with the Optimi like they're my dolls, I'm making them scissor as we speak.
nghhhh yes - TFA Optimus being the first to find out how humans reproduce has... done things to him. And he'll never ever be normal about it once he gets a bit too cozy with a human
I am fascinated by how you've classified the Optimi - this is beautiful. I'm kinda dying at the image of virgin TFP masturbating vigorously during the tiniest 5 minute breaks he has in between leading his team, protecting humanity and fucking up the decepticons. He's just going at it
TFone is also kinda funny, but he makes complete sense. I'm a bit more hesitant about G1 though bc he was canonically with Ariel as Orion... but eh, maybe they were queerplatonic. I agree with the rest tho
Hiii do you think you could make aroace and/or nonbinary Optimus Prime edit? Tysm I love your work <3
hi, of course, im glad u like what i do here!
optimus prime wishes you happy pride!
this is the last post from this series, so optimus is finishing as he started it, im happy i could do all of those, thank you to all of the people who sent me asks, those i know and those i don't, be proud even tho the pride month is ending!
Thank you for the kind words, anon! It’s much appreciated!
Chubformers drabble #249!
Character: Megatron (& Optimus - ES)
Word count: 1.8k
The shiny new desk chair creaked like an old piece of machinery as Megatron leaned forward and squinted at his computer screen. It was only a few weeks post-purchase, and he had had high hopes for its abilities, but he was already being proven wrong by the telltale signs of a chair that simply couldn’t hold up.
Megatron paused his work to recline back into the seat with a sigh, his outstretched servo snatching up the last of the goodies stashed in a little ziplock bag to bring with him. He couldn’t expect much from a planet that was known for living beings a fourth of his side or smaller, but still… how fragging hard was it to make some good, sturdy furniture?
The transition from war to peacetimes was difficult enough. Megatron had sorted through a dozen or more jobs, responsibilities, and other tedious tasks before landing on the simply clerical business to try out for a time. It wasn’t glamorous, and it sure didn’t bring him nearly as much excitement as the old days did, but the longer he worked at it, the more he realized that was precisely the point. Still, it had its stressors, its bad days and its troubles. It sure as slag gave him a run for his money, and he was the ex-warlord of the Decepticon faction.
Peacetime was hard, plain and simple. Things were different. Everything was different. He was trying, though. He was doing his part, pulling his weight, and proving himself—both to the Maltos family and to Optimus, who he was surprised to find had supported him every step of the way.
The process wasn’t going to be easy, and he knew that. At the same time, slag, was it tiring. Days had turned into months before he and Optimus had gotten anywhere with the technicalities, and during those harrowing times, Megatron had found himself turning more and more to life’s simpler and sweeter things. Food had helped a lot, he realized, as did the new desk job—for the most part, of course. If anything, he could stuff his face with sweets and munch his way through packs of snacks throughout the day, all while working through his list of responsibilities and making progress in the sticky trek towards a better future for all of them.
Between the sheets of overdue papers and the ominous screen shining with dozens upon dozens of forgotten tabs and links begging for his attention, Megatron’s workspace was littered with half as many empty bags and discarded containers. His daily routine consisted of snacking between projects and breaking for meals, and despite the many, many opportunities to destress with a few bites of something sweet, his stress levels were still off the charts.
Moving towards peace after a millenia or more of war was never going to be easy, but boy, was he stressed. The snacks helped, though, and the sweets. According to Optimus, they may have helped a little too much, but with so few options available to him, Megatron took what he could get.
His chair squeaked in further protest as he scooted forward and tossed the last bag of chips onto the mound of trash littering his desk. The day was nearly over, and with it, his snack supply. He typed a few more formal emails to various recipients and tore open a little stash from tomorrow’s snack box before finally shutting down the computer and leaning back into his squeaky, creaky chair. As always, his food came with him, and Megatron spent the last few minutes of the hour munching away in silence.
The job wasn’t hard, but the transition certainly was, and so far, Megatron still hadn’t found a good middle ground between his past and his present as he strove towards a better future. The food helped, though. It cleared his mind, it filled his belly, and it kept his busy thoughts at bay long enough for him to step in, do his job, then head on out. He knew Optimus didn’t like it, and he knew it was a temporary solution, but for the time being, it helped.
Things would go back to the way they were before soon enough, Megatron would tell him. Once things had finally settled, and he was finally free of the stress of transition, he could go back to the days where he wasn’t constantly snacking or breaking furniture under his newfound weight.
Maybe tomorrow, he could start working for the better. Maybe in a few days, if tomorrow was too soon. Perhaps in a week, if he were being realistic. Two weeks, give or take, maybe three.
He’d get there soon enough. This was nothing, really. A little fat on his frame was nothing compared to finding a comfortable new place in a post-war world. Besides, he was already getting better. Fatter, but better.
The weight would come off easy. The stress would go with it, too. They just had to be patient. They just had to wait it out for a little while longer.
He knew Optimus was worried. He could understand why, too. It was new for both of them, all of this. The talk of turning over a new leaf and turning towards something better, something greater, was scary in of itself, but Megatron was already doing better.
Megatron pushed his chair back from the desk and stretched his arms high up over his helm, satisfied with another day on the books. After throwing another empty snack bag onto his desk, he braced himself against both armrests and began wriggling his way free. Hours spent stuck in the same chair would have anyone feeling a bit snug, but with a little bit of wiggling and a good bit of grunt work, he had finally pried himself out of the small seat. He even had a chair left in good condition for his efforts, unlike the first few he had been forced to use. It was a noisy one, but hey, it hadn’t fallen to pieces beneath his weight. That was a plus—and these days, Megatron was taking what he could get.
His clock-out routine was the same every day: he’d squeeze his way out of the chair, gather up all the trash from his workday to toss out in the bin beneath his desk, then waddle his way across the room and begin daydreaming about all of the downtime he had left to look forward to that evening.
Peace really was better than war, the more he thought about it. Clerical work wasn’t the most exciting thing to do every day, but it was consistent, entertaining, and kept his mind busy. Now that he had spent most of his day working, he could go home feeling productive and tired and ready for another night in.
Dot was cooking up something delicious for tonight, and Megatron couldn’t wait to sneak a taste. He knew Optimus was going to be home by the time he arrived, too, already ready to drag him off to the couch for some mandatory loving while they updated each other on the peacemaking process and any progress either mech had managed to make. The Terrans were home too, and maybe tonight, if he were feeling up to it, he’d take them into the barn and cook up an old Cybertronian sweet from his golden days, and—
Megatron paused, his frame hovering in the doorway. The walls groaned around him, and his frame felt unusually squished between the doorframe, but at first, nothing seemed amiss. Nothing seemed wrong… not until he tried to move again, that is. Then again… and again.
He braced himself against the doorframe and pushed, but nothing happened. He tried to squeeze himself through, then twist his frame around until he was walking out sideways, but to no avail. The space between his upper half and the doorway was slight, but it left just enough room for him to twist around from the shoulders up, look back…
…and find that he was stuck fast. It was a tight squeeze, and judging by the way the fat around his thighs bunched up against his aft and squished him so tightly between the doorframe he couldn’t even move, he was in some serious trouble.
First it was the chair, and now it was the doorway. Megatron’s mind raced as he looked back and forth down the empty hall, desperate for someone to appear in his line of sight and catch onto his plight. He needed help, and badly.
He tried to shimmy back, hoping that pushing himself back the way he came might help, but the walls only groaned in protest, and his frame hardly moved an inch. He couldn’t suck his belly in—not when it was his aft trapping him and his hips squeezing him and his thighs stuck together so tightly.
“Scrap,” he frantically muttered under his breath, his servos scrabbling for purchase against the wall.
There was no other option. He couldn’t get out on his own… not unless he took down the whole doorframe with him. As soon as he’d managed to calm his intakes and slow his spark down, he wriggled around until a servo was free and reached for his comm link.
On the other side, there was only static for a time. Then—
“…Megatron?”
“Optimus,” Megatron said as he struggled to keep his voice calm. “I… I’m afraid I need your help. I’ve gotten myself into a situation, and I—“
“What is it?” Optimus cut in. Megatron could hear him rushing to stand up on the other side, his attention now completely on Megatron. “Are you hurt? Has something gone wrong?”
“No,” Megatron said. “Well… yes, but—I’m fine. I just need to… I need your help to…”
Megatron’s words trailed off. On the other end, he heard a small, breathless laugh.
“You’ve gotten yourself stuck again, haven’t you?” Optimus asked. Before Megatron could respond, he said, “wait there. I’ll be there to help in a few moments.”
Megatron was quiet as the call ended. What an embarrassing predicament to find himself in, and made even worse by having Optimus coming to save him once more. It was a sign that something needed to change more than anything, and he knew that for sure now.
Tomorrow, then. Tomorrow, he would begin to adjust his way of dealing with things, or at least start to clean up his snacking habits. And if not tomorrow, the day after, which gave him plenty of time to adjust. Or maybe… maybe next week, right at the start. He needed time to cool down, and he needed time to arrange his routine.
Megatron stared down at his belly and sighed. It was only a few pounds… a few pounds, really. Nothing more.
Soon, he would start working his way towards shedding the excess and finding his way back to the old frame. Soon… but not today, not tomorrow. Maybe next week. Maybe the week after that.
God I love transformers so much for its ability to really lean into variety with it’s maddeningly long list of continuities. I adore aligned so so much for its high stakes and intense lore and agony and I do adore the fuck I just got swept into a prophecy optimus that we get so so much.
But I am also SO EXCITED for the Some Guy™ optimus that it appears we’re getting in earthspark. I can’t believe we live in a world where we get both
