a small excerpt of another project I'm working on for after BATM
Steddie ofc
696 words
Eddie stares at Harrington from where he sits with his hands clasped together from across the picnic table. He can feel his mouth opening and closing over and over again like an idiot, but how is he supposed to act when the king of Hawkins asks him something like that?
“I’ll pay you.” Harrington adds on, leaning forward slightly as Eddie drops his head into his hands. “It would only be for a few months.”
Eddie breathes through his teeth, a weak disbelieving laugh falling from his lips. “You’ll pay me.”
“It’s only fair.” Harrington is making a sheepish face when Eddie peeks through his fingers. “I know I’m kind of asking for a lot.”
“Kind of?” Eddie laughs again. “Jesus H. Christ.”
Harrington just stares at him.
“Just-” Eddie holds up a hand, running the other down his face to rest over his mouth. “Explain to me- like I’m an idiot- what the hell you are asking me right now.”
“I want you to date me.” Harrington says, blinking at Eddie like he really is an idiot. “Tommy’s being a dick about my friend’s gay little brother, so I want to piss him off and get his attention off of the kid.”
“And onto me.”
Harrington makes a face at that. “No. Onto me. Everyone already knows you like dudes.”
“Is that why you’re asking me?” Eddie barks another laugh. “Because I’m the only queer you know?”
Harrington nods.
Eddie sort of wants to punch him.
“It’s not going to be real, man- I don’t like dudes like that.” Harrington sighs. “Just think of it as getting paid to hang out with me.”
“You’re making it sound like I’m a prostitute.”
Eddie tries not to smile at how Harrington seems to sputter at that. “It’s not like I’m making you do this! You don’t have to.”
“How much?” Eddie asks, the curiosity pulling at him.
Harrington falters for a second. “How much do you want?”
Eddie hums, brain racking around for a number. The guitar he’s been dreaming about for a while, one he thought he’d never be able to get- is a thousand dollars and some change. He nearly salivates at the thought of its sleek black body and silver lightning design, imagining how insane it would be to have it in his hands. Corroded Coffin would have a chance if he had that beauty…
It’s definitely worth the potential backlash- not like he has anything to lose anyways. Once a freak, always a freak and all that jazz.
Suddenly, it doesn't feel like such a bad idea.
“Two-K.” Eddie decides, pointing at Harrington who blinks at him with wide eyes. “I’ll be your fake boyfriend for two-thousand dollars.”
“Deal.”
“Deal?” Eddie squawks, forgetting for just a second that the guy who sits across from him is rich as shit. Harrington nods, slowly- albeit slightly pained. Eddie guesses that’s still a lot of money for someone going off of allowances.
“Is it okay if I split it between the months?” Harrington asks, worrying his lip in a way that pisses Eddie off for reasons he refuses to think about. “It should only be about a three-month thing, so I’ll just give you a part of it at the start of each?”
“Yeah, man, that’s fine.” Eddie responds, still bewildered that it worked. He sort of wishes he asked for more. He instinctively grabs at his hair, pulling it over his mouth as he just stares at the man across from him, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. He startles when Harrington stands up, moving to leave. “Hey- wait- shouldn't we maybe- I don’t know- talk about how the hell we’re supposed to pull this off?”
Harrington stops, dipping his head back with an annoyed sigh before turning back around to walk directly towards Eddie. Eddie tries to jerk away, scared he’s about to be punched when suddenly his arm is being grabbed, and the head of a ballpoint pen is being danced across his skin. “There.” Harrington says, dropping Eddie’s arm like it burned him. “Call me whenever, we’ll talk about it then.”
Eddie gawks as Harrington walks away without another word.
Part 37 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Ao3
Playlist
2793 words
Eddie has never really considered himself a jealous person before now. He’s never had a boyfriend or anyone to be jealous over, except Nancy and- okay, maybe he’s just jealous in regards to Steve and Steve alone. Steve is definitely a reason to be jealous, he thinks. The only reason he needs.
Because yeah- Steve likes men, and clearly cares for Eddie- and missed him, and all that amazing shit, but he is also in love with some mystery man who stole his heart before Eddie was smart enough to catch onto the fact that he had a chance. Years of waiting and wanting and some fucker came and snatched Steve up! Eddie feels like that damn rabbit who lost to the fucking turtle.
He thinks about this with a scowl as he angrily brushes his teeth, chewing on the bristles, cursing out his reflection. What a dumbass. Don’t you see what you could have had!?
He spits into the sink.
Idiot.
He glares at himself.
Fucking moron.
A knock on the door. “Eddie?”
Eddie lights up instantly, spinning around as quickly as his crutches allow. He swings open the door, leaning against the frame with what he hopes is an easy smile as Steve blinks at him in slight surprise. “Hey, Harrington.” God, he feels so dumb right now. Probably looks it, too. He wipes quickly at the toothpaste stuck on the corner of his mouth. Steve’s expression twitches momentarily and Eddie has the mortifying thought that Steve is about to comment on it.
“You okay in there?” Steve asks instead, glancing around Eddie to look at the still running sink. “You’ve been brushing your teeth for like- an hour.”
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, Stevie.” Another new thing that came along with forgiveness was this layered nickname. Eddie hopes Steve realizes it’s a mix between Ozzy and his name and not just something dumb Eddie threw together, but the adorable idiot still hasn’t seemed to figure it out. “It’s been at max ten minutes.”
Steve rolls his eyes, arms crossing in front of his chest, tightening the shirt. Hello, sailor. “Your gums are bleeding.”
“They are not.” Eddie protests, poking at his gums with his tongue and cringing when he tastes copper. “Fucking bloodhound.”
Steve’s mouth lifts into a smile and Eddie fights off the urge to beam, or do something stupid like kiss him. He really wants to kiss him. “The others will be here in a few hours.” Eddie nods, not moving. Steve narrows his eyes at him, his beautiful bitchy attitude back now that Eddie has stopped all hostility. “If the kids complain about your smell I’m not taking the fall for it.”
“I’m so blaming it on you.” Eddie grins, practically purring as he angles into Steve’s space. The faintest hint of vanilla wafts into Eddie’s nose, Steve’s shampoo a forever constant comfort. “Tell them you’re still not letting me shower and everything.”
Steve rolls his eyes. “The second you can stand without those things-” He taps the edge of Eddie’s right crutch and Eddie has to actively blink away his flash of jealousy at his mobility aid. “-then maybe I’ll allow it, you big baby.”
“Not even a bath?” Eddie makes his eyes all big and round, as innocent as can be. Steve gives him a look. “Or am I forever doomed to sponges against my delicate, scarred skin?”
“And if you fall while stepping out?” Steve counters and momentarily Eddie understands why Steve annoyed him so much when he oh so stupidly hated him. A flash of guilt spikes through him at the memory of him pushing Steve away so hard when he had offered to help Eddie the first sponge bath that Steve had nearly fallen- and the annoyance leaves instantly.
Eddie gets an idea then, a beautifully insane idea that will probably make a mess of things, but- Steve raises his eyebrows at Eddie’s slow smile, waiting for his answer- an idea that gives Eddie a chance.
“Well then, big boy, I guess you’d just have to catch me.”
If this mystery guy thinks he can take Eddie’s Steve, the Steve who’s been his best friend for most of his life and also the man of his dreams, wet and dry alike, then he’s got a hell of a wake up call coming to him. Because if he’s going to fight he’s going to fucking win. And the surprise on Steve’s face is just enough to let Eddie believe that this is his smartest idea yet.
This is his dumbest idea yet.
Like- astronomically dumb.
Like, considering crawling back into the grave from sheer mortification dumb.
“How do you want me to help?” Steve asks him, flicking the water he has finally deemed warm enough off his hand and turning to face Eddie who stands awkwardly in just one of Steve’s mom’s robes- his clothes kicked to the side.
“Um.” Eddie says intelligently, blinking around the heat burning his skin. “I can get in by myself.”
“Eddie, if you fall and get hurt I’m drowning you, myself.”
That doesn’t help at all. “Comforting.”
Eddie stands there for a few seconds more, looking between the water, the robe, and Steve. Steve who has always had a bit of a staring problem, Steve who has most likely seen Eddie undressed before, Steve who Eddie is in love with. Steve who- yeah, he’s fucked.
The corner of Steve’s lips twists up, a teasing thing that makes Eddie want to scream. “Need a hand?”
“Fuck off.” Eddie grumbles, feeling as if his ears are about to burn off as he hands a crutch to Steve to begin shrugging off the robe. He expects Steve to wait patiently for the other one, not for him to stand up and balance Eddie himself as the robe drops fully.
Well.
Steve’s eyes glance down at Eddie’s naked frame.
Shit.
They stay that way for a second, Steve’s warm hands slightly too tight on his arms, Eddie trying his hardest not to combust on the spot, but then that second is over and Steve is clearing his throat. “C’mon.”
Eddie nods, letting Steve half-walk/half-carry him to the tub, those warm hands sliding to his ribcage as he steps in. The skin they leave behind once he’s settled in the water tingles with a want for more.
He fights the urge to drown himself.
“Do you want bubbles?”
Eddie blinks, turning his attention to a slightly red Steve. “What?”
“Bubbles? Like- soap? My mom left some of her bubble bath stuff last time she was here.”
“You trying to give me a bubble bath, Harrington?" Eddie can’t help but laugh, but it comes out a bit hysterical more than anything. Steve’s cheeks are a bit pink as he nods, shoulders pitching up.
“They’re soothing.”
And, yeah- while finding Steve to be downright adorable is usually great and all, it’s not that fun while being completely naked and half drenched. So instead of further teasing Eddie just nods, sinking down into the water in hopes that it will hide his groan of frustration as Steve turns to grab his mother’s bubble bath. He watches Steve from where only his eyes are above the water, watches the smooth pull of his shirt over his back, his rolled up sleeves emphasizing the flex of his forearms- his bright brown eyes when he turns back to Eddie. The small smile on his lips that has Eddie sinking fully down, Steve’s laughter muffled in his ears.
He’s so screwed.
“Shit- ow.” Eddie hisses, dropping his hand from where he was trying to reach his back, the soap bar he was holding bobbing in the mass of bubbles Steve had made for him. He glares at it, swiping out his hand and fighting off several curses when it squeezes from right between his fingers and half-away across the comically large tub.
A muffled snort.
“Oh, shut it.” Eddie snaps back, red faced as Steve doesn’t look up from where he was reading a comic on the floor next to the bath, half ignoring Eddie as he raises an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth into a mocking little smirk- the fucker.
Eddie debates dunking the suds on top of Steve’s head as the other flips to a new page, a content little hum falling from his evil pretty lips.
Steve soaked and with him in the bath.
Okay! Maybe not!
“You okay, man?”
“Great!” Eddie snatches up the soap. “I’m great!”
“You sure?” He risks a glance over at Steve who is now fully turned around, eyebrows furrowed in concern, eyes tracing the scars on Eddie’s skin. “Do you-”
Eddie flicks him with water out of pure instinct and pure instinct alone, fighting off the urge to submerge himself in the water for life as he watches the suds land on the edge of Steve’s nose and all in hair. Steve blinks, once- twice.
“Alright, that’s it.” Eddie squawks slightly as Steve stands up. “Scoot forward.”
“I- Steve!” Eddie can’t help but flounder, watching as Steve rips off his shirt.
“You’re taking way too long.” Steve ignores him, shucking off his socks. “The kids will be here soon.” His belt. “And I know you know how long it takes me to get the swoop right!” Eddie full on whimpers as Steve unzips his pants. “So don’t be a baby and let me help instead of hurting yourself via rubber ducky.”
“A soap bar is nothing like a rubber ducky.” Eddie croaks, trying to regain some dignity as Steve taps his bare shoulders, making him scoot toward.
“Munson.”
“Steve.” Eddie laughs in quiet hysteria as he feels the water behind him shift and rise.
“Shut up.”
Warm thighs on either side of his bare hips. “Okay.”
Behind him Steve freezes, the water beginning to settle around them. Eddie stays deadly still, fists clamped over his knees as he prays to every D&D god he can think of for some kind of saving throw to get him through this. A warm breath over his shoulder, a hand following in its wake.
Eddie can’t help but jump.
“Is-” Steve begins, halting. “Is this okay?”
Is this okay? Is this okay! Is he serious?!
Eddie’s heart hammers in his throat, mind and body at war with just how much he wants this, how much he wants this to mean more than- than whatever this means. Because Eddie isn’t dumb, whatever Higgins likes to believe- he isn’t a complete moron. He knows this isn’t something best guy friends do. But he and Steve have always been more than that and- and-
“Eddie?”
“Yeah- uh- it’s okay.”
The hand relaxes on his shoulder. “You sure?”
Eddie relaxes the best he can into the touch. “Yeah.”
He can practically hear Steve’s smile in his responding “okay.”
Maybe it doesn’t matter what this is, not now that Steve’s hands are reaching around Eddie’s front to grab the bar, his warm skin leaving tingles in its path. Not now that Steve is slowly massaging the soap into his skin, strong presses of fingers and thumbs over the aches that have yet to leave him. Eddie lets his eyes slip close, head lolling to the side as Steve’s fingers find his shoulder blade.
He can hear Steve laugh, smiles with it as small groans fall from his lips. “How are you so good at this?”
The water sloshes as if Steve had shrugged but then, probably upon realizing Eddie couldn’t see Steve answers with. “I just know you.”
And if that isn’t going to fuck with Eddie’s thoughts for the next five years he doesn’t know what will.
But he merely hums in response for now.
Those fingers trail around his neck, gentler there, pressing soft against his pulse point, over his bones, and back down his spine to his hips. He’s glad to be facing away from Steve for this part, as Steve’s strong hands trail up and down his sides for the sole purpose of cleaning him- counting ribs, counting scars. For a fearful moment Eddie is worried Steve is about to ask him to turn around so he can clean his front but he doesn’t, merely soaping up his hand and rubbing it from Eddie’s shoulder down his sternum, his front pressed closer to Eddie’s back.
His hand slows with each stuttered breath Eddie takes in. He wonders if Steve can feel his heart.
“You know it was never you, right?.” Steve whispers, breaking the haze Eddie had fallen into.
“What?”
“The uh- the reason I haven’t shown you Ozzy.” Steve’s fingers trail over Eddie’s upper stomach, the pads pressing in with Eddie’s sharp inhale. “I mean, it is but it isn’t.”
“Steve…”
Steve hands fall away from his body, instead now going to his hair, carefully wetting it. “When we were kids you were the only thing that mattered to me.” Eddie forces his eyes to stay open as Steve begins to rub in his vanilla scented shampoo. “But my mom is the only one like me in my family and- well, you know how my family is.”
“She told you not to hang out with someone like me.”
“Yeah.”
“Because I’m poor?”
“Because you didn’t run from the sight of me.”
Eddie blinks, confused. Steve cups clean water into his hair.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m dangerous, Eddie.” Steve says, no infliction at all in his voice. No grief, no fear, just… belief. Understanding. Eddie turns around, uncaring that he’s naked and Steve is nearly, uncaring how compromising this is.
“No. You’re not.”
Steve gives him a sad smile. “I don’t even shift in front of the others, the kids, Robin, anyone.”
“But they all know.”
“Yeah.” Steve nods. “They do.”
“Then-”
“It’s easier to keep them safe, to keep you safe, with it- with me being… dangerous.”
“You were never dangerous.”
“I almost killed that kid, the day I ran away. I nearly killed him.”
Eddie blinks, emotions he’s felt for as long as it feels he’s lived flaring through him. “I don’t care.”
Steve looks away from him, focuses on grabbing the conditioner instead.
“Steve. I don’t care.”
Bright brown eyes whip back to him. “You should.”
“No.” Eddie holds his ground. “Not when you’re wrong.”
“Eddie-”
“No- shut the hell up for a second! You’re not dangerous! You were never dangerous.” Eddie grips Steve’s wrists, stopping him from ignoring him. “You were my best friend and you saved me.”
“Ed-”
“You broke my heart when you left me. I searched for you for years! And you’re telling me that I went through all of that bullshit pain because your mommy convinced you that you’re dangerous?”
Steve’s face screws up. “And if it had been you?”
“What do you mean?”
“If I had hurt you?”
“You wouldn’t have.”
“I could have.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t.” Eddie’s all in Steve’s face now, his hands still trapped in Eddie’s iron grip. “You didn’t. Because you’re not dangerous, you’re just you. A giant fucking teddy bear of a man-wolf-whatever and my best friend. My best friend who is being an idiot. And I can’t believe you left me over something so fucking stupid!”
“It’s not stupid.”
“It is!” Eddie releases Steve’s wrists, grabbing at his face instead. “It is, Steve.”
Steve blinks at him, eyes dancing all over his face. If Eddie wasn’t so angry he’d have noticed just how long Steve had looked at his lips.
“Why didn’t you ever try being my friend like this?”
Steve’s eyes go back to his. “Not as a wolf?”
Eddie nods.
“You hated me.” Steve gives a dry laugh, rolling his eyes. “Do you not remember? I tried to be your friend but-”
“I was kind of a dick wasn’t I?”
“Kind of?”
Eddie can feel color rising in his face. “Okay, Jesus- point take-”
He's cut off by a hug.
Warm arms capturing him in an inescapable embrace. He’s-
“I’m sorry.”
Eddie sucks in a breath, those two simple words washing over him, flooding him, drowning him.
And as his hands slowly fall down to Steve’s sides, fingers gliding across wet skin to interlock against Steve’s back his shuttered exhale is mirrored in perfect harmony by the one who now holds him tighter, firmer, steady. Steve’s nose rubs over his pulse point as saltwater tears begin to dampen Eddie’s skin. But Eddie doesn’t care, not now that his own eyes finally feel dry. Not now that his own soul finally feels complete.
“It’s okay.” Eddie’s whispers. Fingers trailing up into Steve’s hair to hold him firmer. “I’ve already forgiven you.”
Steve shakes his head, his half-damp hair tickling Eddie’s chin. A smile pressed against his jaw. “I know, I’m sorry. I know.”
Part 35 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 36 Ao3
Playlist
2160 words
The thing with Steve is that Eddie doesn’t exactly know how to be around him anymore. He knew how to with Ozzy, and he knew how to with Steve before he figured it all out. But now- he doesn’t know how to combine them, or even if he could. There are moments though where he forgets, moments where the rage that has simmered into distant understanding falls away altogether and Steve is once again just Steve. Where Eddie nearly falls into him after invading his personal space, crutches tripping together as Steve gives him either a fond laugh or a soft smile. Where Steve’s hands are warm against his skin, steadying, mesmerizing, everything, but then Eddie sees those brown eyes under swooping honey-brown hair, and it all comes crashing back down. And Steve is no longer just Steve, and Eddie can’t breathe.
Steve on the other hand seems to have it all figured out.
In the worst possible way.
He’s distant but present, quiet but here. He barely talks to Eddie unprompted, but he still sleeps on the couch behind Eddie’s mattress every single night, the very way he’s done since Eddie first asked him to stay all those nightmares ago.
He tells Eddie almost anything he asks, everything but what he really wants to know.
“Why can’t I see him?” Unanswered.
“How is Hopper alive?” He was taken by the Russians from Starcoart and held prisoner until Mrs. Byers and some guy named Murray went to get him.
“Why did you never tell me?” Nothing.
“When will I be able to see the kids again?” Dustin will be over three o-clock on Saturday.
“Was it something I did?” Steve’s face twists and he leaves the room.
“When will I be able to leave?” Hopper said he’d let us know. Soon he said.
It’s infuriating, how little he gives and how much he refuses to.
Eddie doesn’t really think it’s all that fair. He still doesn’t even as Saturday comes along and the hour's hand on the clock inches towards three and Steve can only stare at him as he says so.
“Eddie…” Steve mumbles weakly, his eyes closing as his face pinches up. “I-”
“I know, okay? I fucking know!” Eddie throws his hands up, arms now able to stretch to their full length. He’s been here for two months now. He’s been practically ignored for two fucking months now. At least where it matters. “I know, I just don’t understand.” His voice cracks.
Steve flinches slightly.
“Why don’t you trust me anymore?” It comes out small, exactly how Eddie feels from where he sits on the couch, looking up at Steve standing in front of him.
“I do.” Steve sucks in a whistle of sharp air through his teeth, his hands shake. Eddie focuses on that rather than his face. “It’s not- Eddie, I’m-”
Eddie’s eyes begin to water and he’s just not having that. “Cut the bullshit! Just- you know what? It doesn’t matter. It’s fine.” He grabs his crutch, pushing up and shouldering past Steve who calls after him in a wobbled voice. Just his name, always just his name. “It’s- I get it. I fucking- I won’t ask anymore.”
It’s fine.
Dustin shows up ten minutes after three and Steve leaves two minutes after that.
It’s the first time they’ve been apart since the hospital and Eddie hates it. Though he supposes it’s better than being what they are now around Dustin who will no doubt call them out on it. Them and all of their bullshit.
Besides, Steve said he was going to go see Max.
And as much as he pretends to, he doesn’t hate Steve enough to prevent him from doing that.
He doesn’t hate him at all. His traitorous mind whispers to him beneath his cranium
“Eddie?” Dustin pops into Eddie’s peripherals, poking at his arm. His scars are covered by one of Steve’s sweaters- the one he forgot when he had run out the house. The one that Eddie now mindlessly plays with as he stares down at the fabric. “Eddie- EddieEddieEddie-Eddie?”
“What?” Eddie huffs, shoving the kid away as his hat nearly takes out one of Eddie’s eyes. “I’m trying to watch a movie here.”
“Bull!” Dustin squawks, poking at Eddie again- only this time with a vengeance. “Bet you couldn’t even tell me what's happened in the past half hour.”
“Bull you! I could!” Eddie pushes Dustin’s face away- the kid’s cheeks squishing up as he falls backwards, only this time fighting a smile at the hmph noise the other dramatically makes in response. Dustin raises an eyebrow at him, expectant. “I just don’t want to.”
“Uh-huh.” Dustin rolls his eyes before attacking Eddie with a look. “And this isn’t at all because Steve left looking like a kicked puppy earlier?”
Eddie chooses to ignore him, pointedly giving the television screen playing the movie he was in fact too busy moping to pay attention to now all of it. Dustin gives a great big sigh next to him, plopping against the couch cushions in defeat.
“The two of you are impossible.”
The movie, at least from what Eddie saw, was only slightly bad. Bad in the way some horror movies are just bound to be, but he didn’t hate it. He actually really liked it- especially once Dustin finally pulled Eddie from his dumb Steve thoughts and back onto the fact that this is the first time he’s been able to hang out with his favorite sheep in weeks.
“Oh!” Dustin sits straight up from where he was giving a dramatic reading of one of Steve’s old comics (Dustin had found them in the mysterious vast-land of Steve’s room that Eddie has still yet to venture into) and staring straight into Eddie’s soul as he delivers the information that’s been keeping Eddie awake at night since his coma. “I ran into Gareth yesterday. At the school. He asked about you.”
Eddie chokes around his drink. “Gareth- did- he went to the school? Is he okay?”
“He’s fine, I saw him before any of the crazies did.” Dustin’s eyes go wide at the thought before he shudders.
But Eddie ignores it, sitting fully upright now. “What’d he say? What’d you say?”
“Told him not to be an idiot.” Dustin flips the page of the comic book.
“Dustin.”
Dustin cringes at Eddie’s use of the DM voice. “I didn’t really… respond to anything he asked about you and I think he took that as an answer in itself, but-”
“Does he think that I'm dead?”
“What!?” Dustin’s face falls, the same way it always does when anything even remotely reminds him of the bats. “No! He just thinks you’re laying low- which- he’s not wrong.”
“What about the others? Did he say anything about them? Jeff? Freak?”
“I think they’re all staying together until the witch hunt is done.” Dustin plays with the paper’s edge nervously. “I wish I could tell them you’re okay.”
Eddie closes his eyes, hands fisting the fabric of Steve’s sweater as the familiar sensation of miss worms its way through him once more. “Yeah. Me too.”
Later, Eddie wakes up to the sound of the front door slamming shut.
That, and the sound of sobbing.
“Wha-” He rubs at his eyes as he sits up from where he had passed out on the couch after Dustin had left, Steve’s blanket wrapped around his knees as he tries to blink away the splotches in his vision. “Steve?”
Choking, a thud.
“Steve?” Eddie snatches up his crutches from where they fallen, nearly falling himself as he jerks into a stand. The blanket drops to the floor. He doesn’t falter with it, ignores it entirely as he rushes to where he knows Steve to be.
He does, however, freeze at the sight.
Eddie thinks he can count all the times he has known Steve to cry on one hand, knows and hates that he has been the cause for most if not all. But this- this isn’t just crying it’s-
Eddie can feel his own strangled breath fall from his lips as he pushes away the crutches in order to kneel in front of the man now hiding behind wet honey-brown hair with his hands around his neck and mouth. Distantly, Eddie can hear the sound of rain and the thuds of his aid on the floor, but he doesn’t care. Steve doesn’t seem to see him, doesn’t seem to notice anything as Eddie says his name again with more urgency.
Steve’s entire body is trembling, shaking- quaking with his grief.
It’s the worst thing Eddie has ever seen.
He acts without thinking, heart hammering in his throat as though it itself is desperate to leap out to Steve’s aid. With one hand he grabs ahold of Steve’s arm, with the other the side of Steve’s face. He feels cold under his touch. “Hey- hey, look at me. It’s okay, everything’s okay- fuck-”
Steve doesn’t process the touch at first but when he does he reacts. Flinching backwards hard enough to slam his head against the door as he tries to flee. To flee from the touch, from Eddie.
He’s crying harder now, but Eddie doesn’t let up. Not now that he sees the hand around Steve’s neck has claws covered in the blood that drips from his pulse. Not now that Eddie can see that the wet hairs on Steve’s arms are more than what he has become so used to seeing.
Call him selfish for it. He doesn’t care.
This is the closest thing to Ozzy that Steve has given yet.
“I need you to try and breathe.” Eddie whispers, feeling almost suspended as he reaches out to Steve’s face once more, thumbs wiping away the mix of rainwater and tears. “Can you do that? Can you just try and breathe for me?”
Steve’s deep brown eyes stare into his own, rimmed red but still so beautiful as his ragged breaths force themselves into something calmer, something even.
“That’s it, Stevie. Just like that, in and out, nice and slow.” Eddie moves forward a bit, glad that he can feel the skin beneath his fingers begin to warm slightly. Steve makes another choking noise and Eddie shushes him, one hand falling from Steve’s face to trail around the back of his neck and into his hair. “You’re doing so good for me.”
It’s just as soft as Ozzy’s.
Steve leans his face into his palm, the sound of his inhale wet with snot. Surprisingly, Eddie doesn’t care- not now that Steve’s hands are coming up to hold him back, not now that the touch blooms magic in its wake.
Those sharp, bloodied claws dance over the skin of his wrist as though a feather. As gentle as silk. Eddie’s alive with it.
“Fuck.” Steve breathes out, eyes closed as his hands trail up Eddie’s arms and down his back- bunching up his own sweater over Eddie’s shoulders in the action of just touching, just feeling. “Eddie.”
Eddie scratches at Steve’s scalp, watching with a bit of star-strucked awe as Steve sags into it. He feels breathless himself, like a willing puppet as Steve’s hands drag him closer and closer.
Until their foreheads press together and their noses brush without flinch. It’s only here that Steve seems to finally become truly calm. Become whole.
“Steve?”
“I couldn’t save her.” Steve whispers, eyes still closed as he just breathes. Breathes Eddie in. Like he’s the most important thing in the world. Eddie shudders with it. “I couldn’t- I-"
“Steve.”
“I almost had him, Eddie. My teeth were around his throat but- but then I heard Dustin and-"
Eddie can’t move, not as the implications slowly begin to sink in.
“You would have died if I hadn’t let him go.”
Those claws find his shoulders now, the pressure slightly sharp as Steve trembles beneath Eddie’s fingers. His breath against Eddie’s face is warm. It’s the only thing keeping Eddie from wanting to run. Only thing making him want to stay.
“I had to choose, I couldn’t- I couldn't save you both. And, God Eddie, she looked so small.”
Eddie can feel the warmth of tears against his skin as Steve begins to cry again, calmly this time. Solemn.
“You have to know that I trust you.”
“Steve.”
“I’ve never trusted anyone more than you, Eddie, you are- fuck, Eds- I lo-”
But Eddie never does hear what comes next, is only left waiting upon the tightrope that is them as Steve shuts his mouth with a loud clack of teeth.
“I’m sorry.” Eddie whispers, using the hold he has in Steve’s hair to angle them into a hug, Steve’s tears now pressed into his neck. He doesn’t know what else to do.
Steve grips him back so hard it hurts. “It’s all my fault.”
Part 34 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 35 Ao3
Playlist
1848 words
The first time his dad had ever hit him Eddie was eight years old. His dad was drunk, his mother shot-up high in the other room, and Eddie had asked for something to eat for dinner. He remembers it now as he pokes absentmindedly at his food, plate in his lap as he sits on the couch alone and the sun low on the horizon through the half-closed blinds. He chews on the memory in his mind as his teeth chew over the grilled chicken Steve had made. He remembers being more confused than scared at the time- his innocence blocking away the truth of the situation as he had cried from the pain that had bloomed from where his head had smashed against the wall. He didn’t want to think his dad had meant it.
No one ever does.
He isn’t sure exactly why he’s remembering this now, especially since it’s been years since he’s thought of it- only that the empty walls of the Harrington house brings up that same confusion he had felt at that first swing, the same uncertainty.
He can almost taste it in the frozen air around him, an unwelcome seasoning on his tongue.
He wonders if Steve can taste it too.
He wonders.
Eddie chases down his dinner with the Coca-Cola Wayne had brought them, trying his best to push the memories away.
“Can we talk?” Steve asks, hands stuffed in his pockets as he so-obviously forces himself to try and look nonchalant. Eddie would comment on how Steve is failing to do so if it weren't for the severe spike of anxiety that shot through him at the question. “It’s nothing bad, I swear.”
He must have been just as bad at hiding his anxiety as Steve if the other’s reaction is anything to go by.
Eddie reaches over to the remote, lowering the volume of the TV until it’s nearly mute as he watches Steve with a concerned eye. It gets even worse when Steve takes the remote from him and switches off the television altogether.
Ah, fuck.
“Are you kicking me out?” Eddie blurts, images of every time he had been horrible to Steve these past few weeks flickering through his mind as Steve sits on the couch beside him.
Steve gives him a look, almost seeming disgusted by Eddie’s question. “What- No. Eddie- I’m not kicking you out.”
“Oh- uh- okay.” Eddie flounders nervously.
Steve blinks at him then lets out a low, long, anguished sigh.
“...Steve?”
“You asked to see him.” Steve says, looking up and into Eddie’s eyes, the strength behind it branding, even if his voice wavers at the next word he breathes. “Ozzy.”
Eddie flinches slightly at the name and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Steve seems to be waiting for a response though- albeit looking pained in the silence that stretches between them. He heaves another sad sigh when Eddie gives a small nod.
Things are a bit better between them- civil now- time having dampened most of Eddie’s tired rage, but the tension is no less suffocating.
Eddie is reminded of this when Steve looks down at his hands. “Did you really want to?”
“Yeah.” Eddie whispers, choosing to be honest. “I still do.”
“Why?” Steve’s voice cracks.
“I miss him.”
Steve’s face looks devastated as he turns away. And Eddie doesn’t understand it.
“Steve?”
Steve ignores him, moving to stand and leave as Eddie flounders against his concern and his anger.
“Steve.”
Eddie grabs at his crutches, using them to haul himself up- something he can do now- as he rushes to follow Steve into the kitchen.
“Hey- man- what the fuck-”
Eddie grabs Steve’s arm and when the man instinctively looks back Eddie sees that he’s crying.
This time, when Steve moves away, Eddie lets him go.
The small interaction never leaves his head. In fact- he begins obsessing over it, especially since Steve has made it his life’s mission to never bring up again. It isn’t until the fifth time that he’s asked- Steve shutting down completely and walking away each time- that Eddie figures he needs to find a different way to approach it.
“So… who all knows?” Eddie asks, lips smacking around his bite of soggy cereal. “Like… if you could give me a percentage of the town.”
Steve sighs- as he’s so fond to do- and gives Eddie an unimpressed look. “The party, the government, and now you.”
“And Wayne?” Eddie comments lightly, watching intently at how Steve reacts. He stiffens slightly but other than that and a nod- he doesn’t give Eddie much. “How long?”
Steve takes a bite of his own cereal, chewing slowly. “A while, before anyone else actually.”
Eddie blinks at that, having assumed Wayne had figured it out for sure at the hospital. Maybe a hunch when they were kids but still. “What?”
Steve’s shoulders hunch. “He caught me when I was doing your homework that one time.”
“Huh.” Eddie lets that information settle over him. “I got a C for that, by the way.”
Steve’s face falls. “Sorry.”
Eddie can’t help but snort, a bit of that raw affection flaring up in him. He stomps it away as soon as it arrives.
“Better than what I would have gotten.”
“You wouldn’t have gotten anything.” Steve rolls his eyes. “What would you even have said- that your dog ate your homework?”
“You’d do that for me, wouldn’t you?” Eddie asks before he realizes what he's saying, smiling giddily to himself as he leans over the table into the other’s space. “How does math homework taste anyways?”
It’s only then that Eddie notices Steve’s empty expression.
“Steve?”
Steve blinks, shaking his head with a forced laugh. “Like paper.”
Eddie deadpans. “No shit.”
“How’d he react?”
Steve makes a questioning noise, glaring down at Eddie’s physical therapy papers. Eddie has the vaguest suspicion that he might need glasses with how hard he’s looking at them.
“Steve- hey- before you set those on fire.” Eddie nudges Steve’s thigh with his heel, the both of them sitting on the couch. Eddie’s more so lying on it, but that’s besides the point. Steve’s gaze goes from the papers to Eddie’s foot where it’s still touching him- up his leg and body before stopping at his face. Eddie swallows, throat feeling strangely caught at the undivided attention he’s now receiving. Especially from the man he’s had a crush on for years.
Shared history aside.
Can it, Munson. Eddie hisses at himself in his mind. He left you, remember?
“Wayne.” Eddie repeats again, moving his legs closer to himself and away from Steve’s warmth. “When he found out, how’d he react?”
“He uh-” Steve blinks at him before letting out a slow exhale, brown eyes leaving Eddie’s face. He feels almost suspended in their departure. “He didn’t really react much, just patted my back like he would have when I was- um- when I was Ozzy and left for work.”
“Do you think he knew before that?”
Steve shrugs. “No clue, I never really had the chance to ask and he never told me otherwise.”
Eddie sits up a bit more, observing the rise and fall of Steve’s shoulders as he reads. “And he never… said anything?”
Steve shakes his head.
“Huh.”
“Hey, Dustin wants to talk to you.” Steve pokes his head around the corner to look over to where Eddie is doing his arm exercises, phone squeezed between his cheek and shoulder.
“Henderson!” Eddie leaps up, near stumbling in his race with the crutches across the living room. Steve catches him with a laugh, handing over the phone. “Dusty-buns!”
“I hate that they told you that.”
“I never knew you could sing.” Eddie leans against the wall, nodding in thanks as Steve grabs him a chair from the kitchen. He’s grinning so hard the pink scars on his face sting a bit. “You’ve been holding out on me!”
A long suffering sigh comes through the other end, sounding so much like Steve that Eddie would believe they were brothers if told so. “I’m hanging up.”
“Wait- Dustin- my most favorite sheep- it’s been so long don’t hang up.” Eddie pleads into the phone’s speaker, leaning back to grab one of the peeled orange slices from Steve’s plate as he walks by.
“I’m your favorite?”
“Is it not obvious? I fricken died for you, man.” Eddie smacks around the orange slice, smiling at Steve with it blocking his teeth. Steve rolls his eyes, handing him the plate and going back into the kitchen.
Dustin’s quiet for a second and Eddie only realizes it’s because of his joke- hey, he died. He thinks he should be allowed to joke about it- but he gets over it pretty quickly, grumbling something about misophonia leaving Eddie only to smack louder.
“How’re things at the zoo?” Eddie asks, pulling a string from the orange slice from his teeth.
“The high-school is fine, crowded as hell- but that’s not really surprising.”
“Any sign of the rest of Hellfire?”
There’s the sound of Dustin readjusting the phone, then- “None, but I doubt they'd come here anyways. Andy and Chance are still pretty adamant about hunting us all down- you especially.”
Eddie digests this, swallowing the last orange. “What about you? Are you safe?”
His heart spikes more and more each second that Dustin doesn’t answer.
“Sorry- my mom was saying something. What’d you say?”
“Are you safe?”
“With my mom?” Dustin squawks.
Eddie pinches at his nose. “At the school, you shit.”
“Oh yeah- Hopper’s with us each time we go.”
What?
“Wait- who?”
“Hopper, you know Jim Hopper, ex chief of police.” Dustin sounds like he’s rolling his eyes but Eddie doesn’t care.
“Isn’t he dead!?”
Steve pokes his head around the corner, checking to see if Eddie’s okay before deciding to come over to him and lean against the wall. He looks sheepish, rubbing at his neck. “I guess we never told you.”
“You what? How’d you even hear-“
Oh right, fucking wolf ears. Guess that makes everything make a little more sense.
“Very much alive.” Dustin clicks his tongue. “And very much annoying.”
Steve snorts.
“He keeps bossing us around, put down all these rules and everything!”
“Can we get back to how he’s not dead.” Eddie feels like he's losing his mind.
“It’s a long story, have Steve tell you, I gotta’ go. See you soon!”
“Dustin- wait-“ But he’s already hung up. “That little shit.”
Steve shakes his head, taking the phone back from Eddie and hanging it back up on the wall. He looks fond, it does something to Eddie’s stomach.
The evil bugs are back. He thinks forlornly. Damn it.
“So, Hopper’s alive.” Eddie chews on his cheek. “Anything else you’re not telling me?”
He doesn’t mean for it to come out like it does, but it still does. And Steve’s face still falls.
Eddie sighs, rubbing at his face. “Thanks for the oranges.”
“Don’t mention it.” Steve mumbles, taking the plate from Eddie.
There's a pit in Eddie's stomach as he watches Steve walk away.
Part 38 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 39 Ao3
Playlist
1,105 words
“Are they serious?”
“There’s no actual reason for-”
“It makes, like- no sense.”
“-the military in Hawkins-”
“This is such bullshit!”
Eddie doesn’t pull his eyes away from the chaos in front of him as he leans over to where Steve has his head in his hands. “What the hell are they yelling about?
“Like they've ever actually helped us before!”
“It’s like Big Brother.”
“Yeah! It’s like Big fucking Brother!”
Steve lets out a long-pained sigh. “I have no idea.”
“And the health checks? What kind of shit-”
“It’s the same shit they put Will through in the lab!”
“Didn’t even help.”
“Didn’t even help him in the slightest!”
Eddie can feel a headache twinge behind his eyebrow and from a quick look over at Steve he can tell the other is feeling the same way. “Will Robin be here soon?”
Steve shakes his head, making a face as the (only) three kids continue their insanity. Really it’s just Mike and Dustin being loud, baby Byers- who Eddie still hasn’t formally met, merely adding fuel to the fire. Well, looks like it’s Eddie’s time to shine. He didn’t become the DM for no reason after all. “Hey!” Eddie raises a hand, Deja-vu pulling at him as he yells. “Shut up!”
Dustin is the first to react, eyes wide in pure player fear (the only one of the bunch who has actually learned the consequence of pissing Eddie off, several wasted character sheets in a graveyard at Eddie’s feet) and he smack his hand over Mike’s mouth, yelling out in disgust when the other visibly licks his hand. Even Eddie cringes back at that.
After two beautiful seconds of quiet, and Steve dropping his hands from his face, Eddie lifts his DM face and the kids relax. “Now can you all explain what the hell you were blowing up our eardrums with? One at a time!” He adds, catching the two crazy ones before they can start their shit up again.
“The military is taking over Hawkins.” Mike answers first, shoving Dustin off of him from when the kid is trying to wipe the spit off onto his jacket. “There are soldiers and cameras and shit everywhere, it’s like they’re looking for something.”
“Yeah.” Baby Byers cuts in. “Eleven.”
“Maybe Vecna!” Mike huffs, crossing his arms despite how soft his voice now is as he looks at the missing sheep Eddie has heard about for a year now. “We don’t know.”
Eddie is just about to comment on that when Steve (beautiful, amazing, Steve) speaks up. “If it was for Vecna they would have been here years ago. Byers is right.”
Dustin smacks Mike's arm.
“They’re looking for El.” Steve nods in slow agreement, sharing a look with Will.
“What, is she supposed to just hide then?” Mike snaps. “She’s sick of-”
“Hop said he wants to train her, him and my mom are planning an entire routine for her and everything.” Will sits up a bit from where he was leaning against the coffee table. “They actually wanted to know if you’d help.”
The statement is directed at Steve.
“Help?” Eddie watches as several emotions flicker across the man’s face. “How?”
Baby Byers looks almost shy as he answers. “Well- as uh- your shifted self.”
“Steve Were-ington." Mike nods to himself. Dustin smacks him again.
“I’ll think about it.” Steve gives a tight smile, and after their earlier conversation- one that still has the ends of Eddie’s hair damp, he doubts Steve will agree.
But Will nods anyway, satisfied with just that.
“Can we get back to the military?” Eddie pipes up, both for Steve’s sake and his own. “Outside of the normal Eye of Soren shit should I be worried?”
“Your name was cleared.” Dustin stands, pushing between Steve and Eddie to plop between them on the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table and smiling at Will's disgusted look- socks covered in holes right next to the kid’s face. “The only thing you have to fear is the social hierarchy of Hawkins.”
“Good thing I live with the king, huh?” Eddie sends Steve a wink over Dustin’s head, laughing when all it achieves is landing Steve’s face back in his own hands.
“I ran into Jeff.” Dustin’s hat pokes Eddie’s chin as he whips his head down. “He asked about you.”
Eddie swallows. “What’d you say to him?”
“Same thing I said to Gareth.”
“It’s good that they’re in the dark.” Mike plops down next to Will, finally tired of pacing. “They won’t be in danger that way.”
Eddie reaches over to fidget with one of his crutches. “I guess.”
He misses the way Steve looks at him.
“What if… what if we tell them?”
All heads jerk to Steve. It’s Mike who speaks first. “Didn’t we just establish-”
“Can it, Wheeler." Eddie interrupts, wishing slightly that Dustin wasn’t between him and Steve, wishing he could read his body language better than he can from where he sits. “What do you mean?”
“Just-” Steve makes a face, like the statement itself is pulling at him. “Henderson’s right. Your name is already cleared- and- you’re safer here than anywhere. That means they’d be safe here too, so I don’t see why we can’t show them that Eddie’s okay.” Steve looks at him then. “They deserve to at least know you’re okay.”
Eddie- well, Eddie sort of melts at that. It’s easy to ignore the chaos Steve’s suggestion causes as those big brown eyes turn to look at him, a small smile pulling on those beautiful lips. I love you Eddie wants to say, not for the first time, but the urge of it has never been as violent as now. Eddie smiles back at him, desperately trying to reel himself back together. “Okay.” He whispers, knowing Steve can hear it, wondering what else he can hear as well- his heart being the traitorous thing that it is.
It’s amazing how light forgiveness feels.
How warm.
“Okay.” Steve mouths back at him, a quick nod sent his way as an almost self-confirmation before he turns back to the kids and yells at them to be quiet, not at all as successful in the action as Eddie has been. The annoyance that falls over his expression makes Eddie laugh, and the look Steve sends him at the laughter turns it into near giggles that he should be embarrassed over, but isn’t.
But the smile on Steve’s face is worth it as he turns back to the kids and through giggle-infested words, yells at them to be quiet. At least it still worked.
Part 36 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 37 Ao3
Playlist
“Hey."
Eddie tilts his head back from where he’s reading Steve’s old Superman comic, neck strained from the position he’s lounged in on the couch- both legs over the armrest and his shoulders smushed into the cushion’s crevices. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
Steve smiles at him from his upside-down view, a small shake of his head that causes those evil bugs to crawl around inside Eddie once more. “I picked up some stuff for you yesterday while I was out.” Sure enough, when Eddie looks down there's a bag in Steve’s hand. Eddie grunts as he excitedly sits up, a twinge in his muscles forcing a wince he can’t hide. “Have you done your PT today?”
Eddie sends him a half-hearted glare, the thing faltering as he catches a glimpse of the bandaged self-inflicted wounds on Steve’s neck. “I will later.”
Steve nods, looking nervous in his pliancy.
“You said you picked up some stuff?”
“Most of it’s for your room-” wait, what “-so it’s not very uh- accessible to you right now, but-" Steve pointedly doesn’t look at Eddie as he reaches into the bag. “I thought that for now you might at least like this.”
Eddie’s breath catches on a disbelieving laugh as a fond warmth licks its way through his veins. He feels a bit dizzy with it, eyes caught on the familiar green and blue cover of the book held out in Steve’s hand.
Steve’s bought him a copy of The Hobbit.
“You bought me The Hobbit?”
Steve’s hands drop the second Eddie grabs the book, looking strangely shy as a bit of color flushes into his tan cheeks. Eddie can’t bring himself to look away from it. “Figured you lost your other one and I knew how much it meant to you.”
Eddie smiles softly, a finger mapping out the letters on the cover absentmindedly.
“Plus we never did finish it.” It’s said with a shrug but Steve’s entire frame is tense. It’s the closest he’s ever gotten to talking about them as in past them- Ozzy and Eddie them outside of an answer to a question or his very recent panic attack. It leaves Eddie truly and utterly floored, even more so than the book itself does or ever even could. Steve seems to take his stunned silence as rejection though, and not the wonder that it is. He squares his shoulders with an awkward breath of hissed laughter, gesturing over his shoulder and saying that he’s going to go make dinner like he didn’t just flip Eddie’s entire world upside down. Because-
Because-
Oh.
Oh.
And it all finally clicks. Eddie finally begins to understand.
Steve has missed him just as much.
It floors him but it doesn’t. Ozzy- Steve came back once before.
And now he’s here, and he sleeps behind Eddie each night just because he asked him to stay.
“You asked me to stay. I’m staying.”
And he has, and he does, and he's here, and-
“Hey, Steve?” He runs a thumb over the spine of the book, smiling as Steve stutters to a halt, his beautiful brown eyes looking through his honey-brown hair over his shoulder. Familiar, breathtaking. “Thank you.”
Steve hesitates before he nods with a small smile, leaving Eddie alone with the olive branch he unknowingly, lovingly, most likely impulsively gave.
But all the same accepted- forgiveness trickling in.
He opens the book with a fondness licking his bones as the sounds of Steve cooking begins to fill up the space around his heart. But instead of an empty cover he expected there’s a note in Steve’s own chicken scratch handwriting.
Eddie, It reads. Thanks for not dying.
He can’t help the smile that blooms over his lips, so wide it hurts as he looks back up to the spot Steve had stood. Huh.
They’re supposed to be watching a movie, really Eddie is supposed to be watching a movie given that he’s the one to suggest the activity, but he’s not- and he doesn’t even feel a lick of guilt about it. Not when Steve Harrington is asleep next to him.
This isn’t the first time Eddie’s seen Steve sleep, far from it actually, but this is the first time that he’s really paid attention. It’s funny how easy it was to ignore his own feelings when anger replaced anything good. And this- this is good. The lack of rage, the gentleness of them, the way Steve is facing him on the couch as if his eyes had been on Eddie when they slipped closed. The thought makes him feel giddy for reasons he’s known for years, a blush spreading unwatched over his face. He doesn’t feel embarrassed by it, dragging his knees onto the couch as his eyes trail from Steve’s own down his face. He halts there, feelings he doesn’t need to name tugging wildly at his heart as he watches Steve’s mouth form each breath. He wants to kiss him. Not for the first time.
But this is the first that has knowledge and forgiveness behind it.
For a moment he lets himself wonder. He’s had Steve’s lips on his once before but that had been the first time his heart stopped. Steve had given him a broken rib for that too. He remembers neither, only of when others had told him so. For a moment he lets himself imagine.
Steve’s lips look soft, the way they always have even in the hellscape that is the Upside Down. They look soft and pink, not like a girl, but something purely Steve. There’s a small freckle right above his top lip- just to the right of his nose. Eddie wants to kiss it- kiss him. He imagines those soft, Steve-pink lips against his own chapped ones- worried ones- scars on the inside from the number of times he chewed too hard while writing a campaign or a song. He imagines Steve leaning into it- far more experienced than Eddie in everything that matters. Sure, Eddie’s kissed people before- Sandy in elementary school in a dare from her friends, Rick that one mortifying time, Brian at the club, Richie- also at the club, but those had all been fleeting. And all except for Sandy, Eddie had been thinking about Steve.
He imagines Steve swiping his tongue over Eddie’s bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth the same way Brian had done that made Eddie weak in the knees. He imagines threading his fingers through those honey-brown locs and tugging him closer until they’re both breathing heavy into each other’s mouths. He imagines that Steve tastes sweet, or maybe warm. If warm could be a taste. Eddie’s sure that if anyone could figure out how to taste as such it’d be Steve.
God, he’s so in love with him.
And- well. This isn’t new either. He loved Ozzy, he’s always wanted Steve. And- well, they’re the same.
Briefly, he remembers Steve's pained reaction when Eddie had asked to see him as a wolf, had asked to see Ozzy, and he all at once understands.
Steve thinks that Eddie separates him and Ozzy.
And he wasn’t wrong, not then that is. But Eddie gets it now.
When Steve wakes he’ll tell him. Make him know that he gets it. ‘I want to see you, all of you.’
I love you.
But- kissing. He really likes thinking about kissing. He imagines that Steve would take charge, pushing and pulling at Eddie until he’s a mess in his hands. Those strong hands that had carried him to safety, brought him back to life. He never did thank him for that, did he? Another thing for when he wakes. Steve sighs in his sleep and Eddie smiles, eyes trailing down his mole peppered neck to his chest. He’s wearing a shirt that can’t be described as anything other than soft. It’s rumbled, wrinkled, baby blue- perfect.
But Eddie suspects that is only because Steve is the one wearing it.
His hand twitches as he imagines tangling his fingers into the fabric, pulling at Steve until their bodies no longer know space. He tries to imagine what Steve would sound breathless, realizing he hasn’t ever heard so before. Maybe the wolf part of him makes that hard to do, and his imagination takes a dangerous turn when he begins to wonder what all might make Steve breathless beneath him. He promptly turns his eyes away at that.
The Hobbit stares up at him from the coffee table, right next to their empty plates and the reflection of the TV over the shine of it all.
Next to him Steve sleeps, and Eddie loves.
He loves.
He-
He remembers Steve’s and Robin’s conversation in the mobile home.
Steve has never had trouble falling in love before. Every girl he’s ever dated he planned it all. He sees her, he meets her, they talk, they date, and he falls. And then they leave. It’s always the end that is out of his control, never the beginning. Which is why this is terrifying for him.
This is the first time in Steve’s life that love came unplanned.
And he doesn’t know what to do.
Eddie is radiant. There’s no other word for it. Beautiful is too lacking, mesmerizing far too complicated.
That’s the thing with unsuspected love, it’s simple. No matter how you look at it it’s just that: love.
He’s scared. He’s never been more excited.
Eddie is laughing when Steve realizes all of this, head thrown back with a long pale neck on display. They are high, not super just buzzed, but the fog in Steve’s head only clears at the sound. It’s a quiet laugh, not his usual loud one. This one is true. This one is theirs.
He doesn’t know why exactly he’s so scared. He’s not scared of violence- no, he knows where Eddie’s attraction lies. He’s not scared of his family. He doesn’t give a shit what they think anyways. He’s not scared that this is the first time he’s even realized he’s capable of liking men.
The panic Robin had described upon learning she’s a lesbian must have lost its way to Steve. The second he realized it was more so a relief, not the damnation he had assumed it would feel.
He feels… complete.
He’s excited to tell her.
Maybe he’s scared of rejection? He watches the lines of Eddie’s throat bob, the scars there matching Steve’s own in a way that feels more like a connection than pain- no, not that. Even if Eddie didn’t feel the same, he wouldn’t just up and leave.
Despite anything anyone else says Eddie Munson is kind.
He’s radiant.
Steve stuffs out the joint, it was finished anyways, and turns to rest his head on his hand on the back on the couch. When Eddie quiets, he turns and looks at Steve too. His eyes are so brown. The two are left watching.
Steve is left loving.
Eddie smiles at him, an adorable lopsided little thing. “What?” He asks, voice so quiet Steve can’t hear it, only able to read the gentle word from radiantly cracked lips. Eddie wets them with his tongue and Steve’s heart thrums with a warmth so comforting and kind he finds that he never wants to leave.
It feels like home. He realizes.
“I love you.”
Because he gets it now. He’s not afraid for any rational reason. He’s not afraid for any crazy one either. He’s merely afraid because this is new.
Being in love means being afraid.
The realization comes over him like a blanket, he wraps it around his soul as he watches the man he loves with utter admiration.
Eddie blinks at him, mouth gaping open and closed like a fish. Steve’s lips twist upward, teeth and gums on display as he hides it behind the back of his hand. He watches as Eddie takes a breath, watches as he exhales it. “Steve- what-”
“I’m in love with you.” He feels giddy with it, the admission. It falls from his tongue so easily, like it’s meant to.
He never planned for this.
He’s so glad it found him anyway.
“Are you fucking with me?” Eddie’s eyes are wide, he’s leaning away from Steve almost curled up on the other side of the couch. “Steve- what do- what are you trying to do?”
Steve sits up, moves closer, anything just to be near. “Eddie Munson, I’m not fucking with you.” Ever so eloquent, Steve.
Eddie’s breath catches, he doesn’t release it. His eyes are so incredibly wide as he sits there frozen in time. He only returns to the present when Steve’s hands find his face and angles it upward.
Steve can’t help but beam as Eddie’s expression melts from fear into uncertainty, his eyelids fluttering as Steve drags his thumb over the skin of his jaw. He’s not soft, not anywhere close to it, but the very cells of Steve’s skin race to memorize the feeling anyways.
Eddie blinks up at him, swallowing, hands reaching out to grip onto the fabric of Steve’s loose shirt. “Steve-”
“I want to kiss you.”
Eddie sucks in a breath, releases it this time as a laugh. His smile is beautiful. His giddy nod is mesmerizing. The taste of him is radiant.
Steve kisses him slowly, makes it known in the action that they have all the time in the world. He holds Eddie tighter as he makes a soft desperate sound into his mouth, letting him crawl over him and allows him to deepen the kiss. Eddie is shaking in his hands; a bundle of energy that only grows as the kiss gets headier. Steve pulls back, resting his forehead against Eddie’s as he savors the taste of weed and the grilled cheese they had for dinner.
“Oh God.” Eddie laughs, repeats it as he rushes to kiss down the line of Steve’s jaw. “Oh God Steve you have no idea-”
Steve’s hands travel up over Eddie’s back, tracing the contours of his spine before burying themselves in Eddie’s hair. Eddie makes another beautiful sound because of it.
Steve feels the moment Eddie forces himself to come to his senses, to pull back and observe Steve like he is now. Steve lets him, runs his fingers over Eddie’s arms, tracing various scars and marks. Some he knows where they came from, others he doesn't. “You love me?”
“I do.” Steve smiles, can’t suppress the force of it, and he watches as it hits Eddie with no warning. Eddie smiles, ducking his head with wide eyes as he slowly processes the information given to him. Steve watches the cogs turning in Eddie's head with a fond amusement, open and waiting for whatever he decides to do with it.
When Eddie kisses him, Steve is ready, hands instantly reaching out to pull Eddie in deeper. Soon they are a mess on the couch, desperate to just touch, and feel, and learn.
Through each of these moments of exploration Steve discovers more and more about his love for Eddie. As Eddie kisses his neck, he finds that he wants nothing more than to wake up with him every morning, watching the sun halo him through the curtain they forgot to close. As Eddie’s fingers count his ribs Steve learns that he wants to watch Eddie play guitar as he cooks them breakfast, lunch, and dinner. As Eddie licks into his mouth he discovers that he wants to learn the rules of the nerd game he loves so much just so he can surprise him on a birthday or anniversary with a campaign he created.
It’s when Eddie says it back, a small barely whispered “I love you” against Steve’s lips as he kisses him gently, that Steve realizes he wants this forever.
But this time the realization doesn’t scare him.
Every relationship Steve has ever had he has planned for everything but the end. This time, he decides, he will plan for nothing but that forever.
The rest will come to them in time, naturally, beautifully, mesmerizingly radiant in time.
