My "mild" exercise addiction
Ok, real honesty time. My exercise wasnt "obsessive" in an obvious way. I haven't been to the gym in years and my day to day activities were not affected by my routines.
BUT. I did still do a 30 min jog 3 times a week. No big deal right?
But here's the thing. It WAS a big deal for me and my health.
I would feel anxious if I couldn't do it. I felt ashamed of it. It would fill my thoughts of when I could fit it in. So yes, while that form of movement is healthy for some...for me it was a compulsion and was NOT ok. Especially when my sole reason for doing it was based in fear. It wasn't..oh I want to go for a jog...it was "oh I am scared of what will happen if I dont go. I am scared of being unhealthy. I am scared of being lazy. ..etc"
So for the past few weeks I haven't given in to those compulsions. It feels super uncomfortable and I feel anxious as hell...but I woke up today to grey skies and feeling tired...and my legs felt sore. And I felt like I was truly listening to myself by not going on that jog. I am proving to myself that I can be complete and worthwhile person WITHOUT this compulsive habit.
urgh recovery feels sucky and uncomfortable but I know I need to do this. If I really want to recover then I have to recover in ALL the areas of my disorder.