#existentialism talk

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

It’s time to talk about Bruno.

By that I mean, yes, we’re going to do another Disney movie on this blog – Encanto.

Encanto as a film is about generational trauma, immigration, seeking a better life, and much else. A portion of it touches on existentialism, which seems to be a theme of Disney movies lately, so I believe it is worth touching on.

It touches both on Predestination, and Purpose.

Predestination is done through the character of Bruno – he has visions that literally tell him the future, but not the whole story. Mirabel could never escape being the one who would create rifts and cracks in her family – not that they weren’t already there – because she is the one not given a gift. I’ll circle back to that.

He also sees the futures of the others – but not perfectly. He tells Dolores her love will be separated from her by an engagement to another. At the end of the film, that engagement is broken, and Dolores is able to begin a relationship with her love interest. So he did, technically, observe an accurate future, just not the end result.

Just as he didn’t observe the end result of Mirabel uniting her family.

Bruno also indicates the future isn’t fully set. Some things certainly happen – but will they all? Human agency is a key factor in it. Had Mirabel not hugged Isabela – or gone to hug her – the Casita’s breakdown would have been different. It likely would have still happened, but perhaps in that case it would have been permanent.

Isabela also could have married the man she didn’t want, forever shutting off Dolores from him.

But what would have happened if they didn’t know the future? Does Bruno know his role in sharing it, and how that makes people respond? Do the prophecies know his role in sharing it, and what that will cause?

Predestination is tricky that way, and I’ve gone over the question of free will here before enough to decide it doesn’t matter, since we don’t know what our future is. It is true, all of our actions are informed by experiences and the situation, so that nothing is truly “free” from influence – but they are our actions to make and decide upon.

The other thing Encanto touches on is Purpose, seen especially in Luisa’s song, “Surface Pressure”, where she has narrowed down her worth to her Gift. So have many others in the family Madrigal, to the point that Mirabel narrows down her lack of worth (and thus need to do even MORE) to her lack of a Gift.

Many who suffer from death anxiety, suffer from this existentialist crisis: what is the purpose of my life?

Would it be better to know your purpose?

For some, perhaps.

For others – debatable, which is what Disney movies like Soul and Encanto have brought more to the surface, by introducing people who think they know their purpose, only to learn that may not be it – or that they have so much more to offer than just that, and usually their purpose is stressing them the hell out.

 Soul even ends on how an ambiguous purpose can be good – to just exist, can be good.

Encanto gives the Madrigals back their gifts at the end, but now they know they are more than their gifts, and are set free from the pressure of it – free to be whoever they want.

 For these reasons, I recommend Encanto – the uncomfortable predestination/free will considerations, and for thinking more about purpose.

 I also recommend it for all the more overt reasons – immigration is a talking point and needs far more thought, as well as generational trauma.

Plus “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” is a JAM.

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Nathan W Pyle is a comic artist I recommend here for the honest and delightful ways he approaches human habits and truths.

As this comic shows, humans exercise to prolong life...but too much exercise could end it. No matter what, no one escapes things alive.

He has other comics that touch on this matter, one I recall being about a child having bedtime, while their parents remain awake, because “they are in decline”. 

His comics are humorous, while remaining honest about real life, and approaching it with language we don’t use to make it seem more alien.

Many of his comics can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/nathanwpylestrangeplanet/

He can also be followed on Facebook!

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

We Are Stardust.

This is a phrase that gets tossed around here in my tags, and on posts, but what does it mean?

It is meant literally.

Stardust, when a star goes supernova and explodes, provides the basic elements in the human body – oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, phosphorus, potassium, sulphur, sodium, chlorine, and magnesium, to be precise on what an exploding provides. The materials we are made of, came from a supernova – perhaps even several supernovas.

The universe as we know it, is estimated to be about 14 billion years old. This isn’t the age of Earth – Earth is estimated to be around 4.5 billion years old. That puts it into some perspective, doesn’t it?

Earth needed stars to go supernova to bring itself together. Now, I don’t have all the answers to why our universe even exists, or how stars even came into being – I just know that they did, and their deaths brought about other life. Our life, to be precise.

Science posits that when things began, only the lightest elements such as hydrogen and helium were in existence. These gases came together, and began to combust with their interactions together in space. These nuclear reactions began to create more elements, and they supposedly did so quickly, as the stars back then were estimated to be much larger than our sun, and larger stars burn through energy and fuel quicker.

Thus, putting out new elements quicker, and beginning the interactions of these new elements, into new forms as they come together, and explode together, leading to planets, and then, life.

It’s a simplistic way of explaining it.

Yet it’s fascinating.

I know stars do not have sentience, but imagine being a star, and knowing your death will create life for hundreds upon hundreds of differing creatures! Imagine knowing you will be part of a planet!

Obviously, stars didn’t know this. Stars don’t have to deal with death anxiety and rationalize their death as something great. They just combust.

We humans don’t have the luxury to just combust and never think about death and what it means, but we do have the ability to recognize that we, too, will give life to so much more with our death. Some of us will even give life through our life, by having children. Others of us will care for life, in the forms of pets, adopted children, elderly friends and family, or our communities.

Yet from our bodies, we can still help create life.

It seems majestic when a star does it – a grand explosion that spews elements out in all directions.

Why can we not translate that majesty to our own deaths? Sure, we’re not spewing elements everywhere, but some of us will have the elements seep into the ground and feed an area. Others will become ashes, and will scatter elements to the wind! Still more will be food for fishes, and carried about through currents and waves.

Our death can also be fucking majestic.

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Here’s a video some of you may find useful. It’s not a direct address of death anxiety, but certainly, a lack of hope plays a huge role in death anxiety, no?

It begins with a character narrating their past, and being raised in a Protestant home, and how their faith began to come to odds with reality. They have a crisis of faith in their late teens. 

They become an atheist, and for a while, it wrecks them. They become reckless and sort of abandon hope. They seek thrills to numb the nothingness of existence. 

That shifts into a story about freefalling, and two parachute failures. 

Naturally, despite earlier hopelessness, they go into a panic. The time feels endless. They review their life -- and recognize that all these things, their memories, and the items considered, were going to be gone from this person’s life. 

“The distance between me and the ground was the distance between me and never seeing my dog again.”

He realizes, as many of us have, that he has done everything for the last time -- even something as simple as entering his home after a long day. 

This isn’t where the story ends. They survive, by managing to land in a forest and use the trees to break their fall. They realize then, that life doesn’t need a grand meaning to be meaningful. 

Being here is enough. 

As a note -- this story is fictional, but that does not mean it hasn’t happened. Parachutes fail. People survive. Stranger things have happened, and fiction can empower. 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Simple, and poignant, This Is It? shows that death really does take all. We can’t bring these things with us when we pass on, so we should consider what it is we’re leaving behind. 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Second, although it could not have been an easy decision, I hope you -- and I want you to -- feel that it is what it is: a wise, mature decision that will open more professional doors for you than slogging away applying to and pursuing a PhD program somewhere -- all without any guarantee of a job. There is a crisis in the professorial ranks of higher education (underemployment, lack of morale, indifferent or unprepared students, exploitive administrations, etc.) and these trends will only become worse, creating a morass for educators coming into the field in the near future. Oh, how I envy you, and wish I had made a similarly wise decision many years ago. If I had I would be living somewhere that made me happy and doing something occupationally that made me even happier. The world is now your oyster; choices are many. Enjoy the freedom of a future with multiple paths ahead of you.

Professor

This is an atypical quote for me to put here, as it is a personal quote from an email I very much value and ran across again as I was cleaning out my emails. 

I made the decision on May 15, 2015, to end my academic career. This was a portion of the response from a professor I will not credit for their own privacy.

Why do I share this on a thanatophobia blog?

Many of us are scared of making changes, because we get comfortable, because it has risks, because of so many things. When I made this decision to leave academia, it was a huge risk. I had put so much time into this, and I had no real skills outside of academia. I was fortunate that I wasn’t at risk of being homeless, as I was living with a parent who understood the situation. Nonetheless, it was a risk for my own financial well-being, my social life, my emotional health, and so many things I had wrapped up in the identity of being a Future Professor. 

We’re six years from that point now. 

I’m much happier than I was at that time. It took about a year to get to the “better” part, though, and then about a year and a half to start actually feeling secure and happy. There were lots of bad jobs, stress, depression, and frustrations during that time of figuring things out. 

I’m not saying take unnecessary risks -- I was safe, I had a parent I was living with, and I wasn’t going to starve -- but what I am saying is if you’ve found yourself unhappy, uncertain, or angry, take the risks if you can. Change who you are. Change who you thought you were going to be. You can do this regardless of age, or how deep into something you are.

We only get this one life. Don’t forget that. We ONLY get this one life.

It should be as happy as possible. If you’re on a path that isn’t for you, change it. It’s okay to admit a mistake, to admit something isn’t right for you, rather than end up like this professor who told me he wished he had made the change himself. 

Don’t waste your happiness because of your pride. 

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Diary Of Jewish Teenager Killed By The Nazis To Be Published After 70 Years In A Vault

Renia Spiegel's boyfriend made sure her diary was kept safe during the war, but her family couldn't bear to read it. Now it's finally being published.

“Wherever I look, there is bloodshed. Such terrible pogroms. There is killing, murdering. God Almighty, for the umpteenth time I humble myself in front of you, help us, save us! Lord God, let us live, I beg You, I want to live! I’ve experienced so little of life. I don’t want to die. I’m scared of death. It’s all so stupid, so petty, so unimportant, so small. Today I’m worried about being ugly; tomorrow I might stop thinking forever.” June 7, 1942

Many of us are familiar with Anne Frank. I was not familiar with Renia Spiegel until recently. Her diary is on my wishlist, and will be one of the things I add shortly after the library shelves are completed. Right now we have them built and stabilized, but there remains getting all the shelves put in, and the trimming~

Though I haven’t read it, the genre of diaries is something I think is good to recommend, in general, as it is a way of confronting lives that have passed on. These need not be holocaust diaries -- there are happier ones out there. Below is a list of historically important diaries, but  not all diaries need to be that way.

https://www.panmacmillan.com/blogs/history/historical-diaries-war-history-journal

Remembering, simply, that everyone around you has a complicated and fascinating life, filled with dreams, hopes, fears, loves, and hates, can be found in even the most mundane diaries -- and may be preferred. 

As you work through reading, consider adding a few diaries to your list of books! Consider getting a feel for real people, in their own words, as they were going through events, rather than autobiographies or biographies (though these are also good and interesting!)

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

Once long ago when the Buddha was alive and preaching the Dharma, a woman named Kisa Gotami brought her dead son to him. He was her only child and had died very young. Refusing to accept his death, she had gone door to door, seeking a cure that would revive him. Feeling pity for her, someone had suggested she meet the Enlightened One, who was visiting a nearby village. And so here she was, weeping and begging the Buddha to revive her child, since the Holy One had attained enlightenment and knew how to work miracles. The Buddha, seeking to help her through her suffering, placed a mustard seed in her hand. He promised to revive her son if she came back empty handed after giving the mustard seed to a household in the nearby village. There was only one condition – she had to give the seed to someone who had not faced a death in the family. Kisa Gotami went from door to door, seeking a household that met the Buddha’s condition. But every family had suffered the loss of a beloved husband or wife, a child or a parent, or a sibling. Death had left its mark everywhere. At the end, the mother realized the futility of her quest, buried her son in a nearby forest, and returned to the Buddha as his disciple. It is a simple story, but profound in the lesson it is trying to teach us. All around we see evidence of death and decay, but our hearts and minds cling to permanence, especially of our loved ones and ourselves.

https://www.beingfulness.com/new-blog/buddhist-and-hindu-parables-of-impermanence

It puts a new twist on “if you have faith like a mustard seed”, doesn’t it? 

There are plenty of Buddhist parables out there that speak of impermanence and death, but this was one I recalled and looked up for today.

Unlike in Christianity, where Jesus brings back the dead, Buddhism teaches to accept death, and does not change it. It teaches that suffering it caused by a desire for permanence -- for a desire not to lose things. These are true teachings (although some suffer because things do not change, which should not be forgotten). 

I wanted to put this here as a useful illustration. The link also has additional stories from Hinduism that talk about impermanence and may be able to assist with having that fact settle in.