As someone who grew up in a home that repressed any action or thought of being a “child”, I can positively say that I feel like a nobody. I was unable to express myself as I would have liked to do, like the other kids my age. At home I sat still because I didn’t know how other children acted. To “grow up”, I learned to mind my manners, to cook, to clean, the esscentials in life.
At social outings I was told to “grow up” and act civil. So I would sit at the table with all the adults and stare after the other children in longing but I’d criticize them in jealousy. A freedom to express themselves well within resonable limits.
With a mindset like that I was unable to make a single friend until 7th grade, when I finally discovered my own voice and sense of longing for my own self. I still find it very hard to be truthful to both myself and others, I’m still unable to find out anything about myself. I’ll jump at any chance to find something that’ll truly interest me and give me a sense of enthusiasm because the mask can only get me so far in life.
I’ve hidden behind my manners, the acceptable image of being civil and sociable for too long. I can only hope for salvation. Someone who’ll help me become a somebody. Or perhaps a sign of Living instead of whatever it is that this hollow cast tries to convey to express life.
