#explaining autism

[adultingautistic]

I try and talk to ppl about my autism but they dont listen to me, they just brush me off and say “but youre very high functioning” but i only am because I get lot of help from my parents, I wouldnt be considered HF wo them, and despite how much they help me I still struggle w LOTS of stuff on the dl, and some is v embarrassing tbh that I dont wanna tell ppl. How can I get ppl to take my autism seriously and not just brush me off as “high functioning” wo revealing super personal things abt me??

Ask date: September 15th

Short answer: You can’t.  The only way to explain to people that you struggle is to explain your struggles, which means to give them personal details.

Before you explain autism to anyone, you need to ask yourself why you are trying to explain your autism to this person, and what is your goal in doing so?

For example, with my coworkers, I do not try to explain every symptom of autism that I have and every struggle in my life.  Instead, I only explain to them symptoms that affect work.

So for work, that means communication struggles and my Auditory Processing Disorder, mostly.  I only explained my communication struggles to my one coworker that I work most closely with, because I ask her to read most of my emails before I send them.  I ask her to help me say things the right way.  I also ask for her help in reading emails that I don’t understand, and she is very kind in helping me when I don’t understand something.

For my APD I have official reasonable accommodations set up, so that I get captions for phone meetings (and they are SUPPOSED to avoid any meetings where captions aren’t possible, but I’m constantly fighting that battle...).

So that’s how I explain my autism to the people at work- I only tell them about the symptoms that affect me at work.  I don’t tell them about my issues with food, or that I have to wear 100% cotton clothes, or that I listen to the same song on repeat all day at work.  They don’t need to know those things, because it doesn’t affect how I do my job.

When I’m trying to explain my autism to my doctor, I explain a different set of symptoms.  I explain to them that I do not feel pain the same way as allistics, and that I need them to not rule out any diagnosis based on my description of pain or how something feels.  Some doctors listen.  Many do not.  I don’t go back to those doctors.  It’s hard work, but I search for doctors who do listen and do believe me when I tell them I feel pain differently, and those are the doctors I keep.  But I do not need to explain to my doctors the difficulties that I have with watching videos, or my reading comprehension struggles, because they don’t need to know that.  That’s only something my coworkers need to know.

When I’m trying to explain my autism to my friends, what I need from them is very different from what I need from my coworkers or doctors.  From my friends I need emotional support, and so I want them to know about and understand the more personal struggles I deal with.  I tell them about my difficulty with emotional regulation so that when I’m crying at work, I can reach out to them for help to get me through the moment.  I tell them about how I was stimming in the doctor’s waiting room like crazy and people were staring at me like I was a freak, so I need them to know what stimming is and why I need to do it, so they can support me.  With my friends, I do tell them the embarrassing and personal details, because I trust them.  

So I’m not sure who it is you’re trying to explain your autism to, but you don’t need to explain the whole thing to every person you interact with.  For acquaintances like coworkers, doctors, study friends, etc, you only need to explain the symptoms that affect the activity you’re doing with them.

The only time I think it’s worth it to try to explain all of my autism to someone is with people who I trust deeply, like my close friends and my therapist.  These are the people I need for support and to lean on in many different kinds of situations, and so they are the ones I want to describe my “full autism” to.  But they are also the ones that I do trust with my most personal struggles.

It’s too exhausting to try to make every allistic you meet understand autism.  For some allistics, it can take them a lifetime to understand autism, and it’s not worth putting in that work unless that person is very close to you and going to be with you for a long time.

[jazzdoesjazzhands]

Autism is like

Existing as an Autistic is a lot like being an Alien life form trying to learn to co-habitate with Terrans. All manner of Social constructs and behaviors natural to other human beings are completely foreign to us. I have basic knowledge of how to work your technology but I lack the instinctual understanding of even the most basic behaviors of humankind. Please explain the things you are doing and why you are doing them in depth, so I may get a better understanding of your species; and how to mimic those behaviors to better acclimate.

[lanigironu]

my explanation of autism

let’s say we were both having a conversation with the same person. however, one of us got the real life version (vocal tones, gestures, expressions, etc.) and the other got a text message.

having autism, i always get the text message. i have to rely on words alone since facial/body expressions and tones are almost nonexistent to me.

imagine only getting the text message, but you were right in front of that person. that’s what autism for me is like. so if i ask what someone is conveying or for them to tell me directly how they feel, don’t laugh or make remarks on how “stupid” i am for not picking up the signs that my brain is not wired to pick up.

[autistickeely]

hi I was wondering if you happen to know of any good resources for explaining autism to a child? My son is 7 and we haven't told him about his autism yet but his teachers have suggested that we do it soon and I really want to get it right and not make him feel upset or different or scared

I’m glad you’re taking the time to consider how you’re going to explain it. When I was diagnosed I was left not knowing anything about autism so I was terrified. I suggest finding a fun interactive book that is made to explain autism to autistic children. You can buy colouring books online that explain it in a simple way. One thing you must make clear to him is that being autistic is not a bad thing, he’s a little different to his classmates but that doesn’t make him inferior. He’s perfect the way he is, make sure he knows that ❤️

[adulting-with-autism]

Hello, I recently tried to tell my family that I think I'm autistic and they've been fairly accepting which is good but I don't think they're taking me seriously. Eg if I say that a noise is hurting me they just say 'no it doesn't' and ignore me. It happens with most sensory things and I just don't know how to explain that I experience stuff differently and sometimes it hurts. Do you have any idea how I can explain this?

I think the best thing would be to maybe write it down in advance so you can really think through the best way to phrase things. I can’t really give you specific phrasing for most things because it may affect you differently, but for sounds hurting what I used was something like

“Imagine your senses are two or three times more sensitive, like a dog. Things would hurt you or feel bad that other people wouldn’t notice, wouldn’t they. That’s my life”

It worked on my then 15-year-old sister

Hope this helps

Mod Liz

[butterflyinthewell]

I posted this as a comment on a blog, but I wanted to share it as a post, too.

I'm autistic and I see it like this:

I'm always observing the symmetry or lack of symmetry in my environment. My brain likes symmetry. Sometimes, I create that symmetry myself...that's stimming.

Meltdowns happen when that sensory symmetry is unexpectedly disturbed, like a sudden change in routine without warning or too much stimuli or multiple "respond now" prompts (like the phone and doorbell ringing) happening simultaneously.

I know most of what triggers this asymmetry for me, but I can't avoid all of those triggers all the time. People can help me avoid the ones that are avoidable by accommodating my need for symmetry to the best of their ability.

[autistickeely]

(2/2) unexpectedly. I don't know how to ask him to stop all this. I nearly cried from the food stuff once and said "You honestly can never take a joke" and muttered "Stop whinging" under his breath. I don't know why he's suddenly doing this, but I want to tell him once and for all I hate this and maybe he doesn't even realise the impact, he's normally so nice, but I don't want to mention my autism because again, I think he's still young. Help me please?

Hiya! I don’t know how old your brother is but I actually think it’s a good idea to explain autism to him because he’ll grow up being more understanding towards you and other autistic people. There are a lot of books you can buy for younger children that explain autism, maybe you could sit down with him and read one? This book might be good: https://www.autism.org.uk/products/core-nas-publications/my-family-is-different.aspx Also it’s important your brother understands that what he’s doing to you is causing you distress, your parents or the adult in your household should really be stepping in and stopping him from doing this. Maybe giving him a 5 minute time out when he hurts you so he learns that what he’s doing is wrong and he needs to stop. You can also discipline with positive reinforcement so for example when he behaves well around you he gets a star on a chart and a sweet.

[autism-asks]

do you have any links to pages about autism/explaining autism and how being autistic affects someone in this society for family members to read? i want to tell my family but i also know they probably don’t have the best idea or an accurate idea of what autism actually is. thank you! (i tried looking through your family tag and couldnt see any posts like this but if there are and i missed them sorry to bother you!)

One of my favorite explanations of what it’s like to be autistic is this post that was made on Mod Sam’s blog. ASAN also has a page that explains autism, which you can read here. 

-Ash