According to Sartre, the human being has double properties - facticity and transcendence. An individual can only achieve true authenticity when these properties begin to co-exist. Our inherent freedom allows us to go beyond our current situations and upon the denial of either property comes bad faith.
Worry not, for this is not going to be a philosophical lecture. I don't think I'm a reliable person to do so. I, however, am going to ponder on this curious philosophical perspective.
Having reached the unfortunate (just kidding) of 21 a week ago, I realized how far I've already been in the journey of life. I wonder if the infant born in a meek house in her hometown were aware of the things she was capable of. I guess one thing didn't change — she's still a crybaby.
My facticity defines me by my apparent physical properties, but going beyond that, I think I've always been a girl full of inhibitions (no pun intended.) For one, my peers would always see me as one with the softest personality — one that can't ever hurt other's emotions nor dare try things outside the limits of the said trait. My family, childhood friends, and certain teachers would see me as someone crazily smart. It's so easy, especially for the former, to dismiss my struggles in college because they believe I can manage. The thing is, even if I did, I don't think I'm as intelligent as they think.
How I see myself actually changes depending on the situation and my mood. I am confident to say, though, that my self-esteem has significantly improved. My teenage self lacked self-confidence, but once you get exposed to the world of tertiary education, confidence will be your weapon against the endless failures you will get. I also think this comes from taking responsibilities outside academics and realizing that my capabilities are not merely defined by the numbers on my transcript.
I realized that I should be open myself to more things and broaden my horizons. And I did. It's not as easy as I thought, though.
I've had my share of triumphs and mistakes, the latter being what bothers me the most from time to time. Sometimes, it still scares me that I am stepping outside my comfort zone, sometimes even surprising the people who know me the most. At times, I tend to question who I really am, but is there really an answer to that? If I limit my answer to my current and has-been version of myself, will it do justice for the parts of me that I am still yet to know? If I get swayed by my fear of transcendence, I will become a stranger to myself. If I do not embrace all of me, the good and the bad, I will live a life full of fear and inhibitions.
Freedom, despite its good and attractive premise, can be at times scary. Upon our daily transcendence, we are making use of this freedom to discover our authentic selves. I don't think my facticity and transcendence are going 100% harmonious with each other yet, but here's to taking one step at a time and embracing my being in-itself and for-itself.