#fake review

[eikopilled]

Worth the Candle (2022, 2024 anime)

With the release of the Worth the Candle webtoon, and with it getting to its Good Parts, I decided that I wanted to rewatch the anime and see how it really holds up years later. 

The Worth the Candle anime came out in summer 2022 (with a second season premiering in 2024); it was one of Crunchyroll's western joint-produced anime ie Tower of God, High Guardian Spice where no one really expected very much from it—it was definitely one of those bargain bin shows made by a low-relevancy studio without really anything special that it could offer (besides the writing cues taken from the original fic).

Worth the Candle means a lot to me as a story. It sort of saved my life and I think it's the single most me-targeted thing I've ever read. Everything from the subtextual theme to the textual philosophy appeals to me immensely.

No wonder I was really fucking mad about the anime, then!

WtC's anime is bad. It isn't bad (forgettable), not like the other mediocre seasonals that came out every year, it's bad (memorable), it's the sort of bad that sits in your head and you think and you think and you think and the only thing that you are thinking is:

Why?

The first big immediately noticeable problem with the anime is that MOSTLY it looks like dogshit. It fluctuates between generically ugly and noticeably very ugly; every action scene is still images sliding across the monocolor backgrounds with speed lines to indicate that they're moving fast. The lineart is awful, the colors are uninspired, and the phoned-in, uninspired direction cannot save it—somehow this is work directed by Masaharu Watanabe, who did Re:Zero. The character designs suck too—how does the webtoon get them so right while the anime completely misses the point? (It's because Japan.)

This is particularly a problem across the second season, which is 24 episodes in length. Episodes are wildly inconsistent in quality, there's one long stretch in the middle for six whole episodes which is mostly just reused footage and recycled cuts and the most god-awful CGI you've ever seen.

The first season (14 episodes) is a lesser offender, though not by much. Save for one singular fight at the end (the Onion fight, which does look very good, to the studio's credit—it's some of the best off-model animation I've seen outside of large shonen or Cygames productions), it keeps up this trend of bad art, animation, and direction.

And you know what. It would have been fine like this, I wouldn't have pulled my hair out over it so much, if only for the fact that they decided to tell the story in the most bafflingly stupid way possible, as well.

It's framed as Joon (I guess in the Heavens?) skipping through the master copy of Worth the Candle to find someone called the 'Iconoclast' (which isn't elaborated on during the first two seasons at all and I assume season three if it ever comes out will hopefully resolve it?). 

The problems here include

It assumedly expects you to have read the webnovel to be able to comprehend it. The plot is completely unintelligible without context and the seemingly random changes and dilutions of the original scenes (Joon's monologues? Gone! The flashbacks? Gone!) don't add anything, they just confuse me more. It's totally unclear who's supposed to watch this. I'm like 90% sure anyone who hasn't read WtC would have no idea what's happening and no investment in any of the big moments (editor's note: can confirm. I showed it to my little brother and he was baffled)

The pacing is awful. It's … kind of a nonchronological 'highlights reel' of Worth the Candle. For instance the Onion fight (which made me stand up and go KINO) is in episode 13 of season one and Juniper learns bone magic in episode 23 of season two. The emotional ups and downs are all over the place (contrast Haruhi). It's really hard carried by the narrator telling you about scene context.

The writing is bafflingly bad. Why didn't they just adapt the book scene-by-scene, if they didn't care about… literally anything? It takes cues from the book for sure; I guess maybe an effect of the English to Japanese to English subbing pipeline destroyed the original spirit of the lines? (But the conversations don't play out how AW wrote them, so I really doubt this)

The second time I rewatched it, I think I liked it even less than the first. I don't know what Mappa was cooking with this one, but i—oh it's by DEEN that explains it.

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that Sony Pictures Entertainment admitted that a highly positive review written by a critic named David Manning to the 2000 American epic historical war film The Patriot, was a product of the studio’s advertising department, as the reviewer never existed (x)

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Faux ML Review: Ghost Writer

(Below are spoilers for NOT a real episode of ML.) @joshua-lee-newman​ for the akuma suggestion

-Oh so we actually see the akuma Ladybug and Chat noir beat in the beginning. Thats rare. 

-Wait this is the second time they beat him? So will we see the first time? Damn it the episodes are out of order in this season as well.

-Ladybug teasing Chat noir is pretty funny. And she instigated it. Thats kind of cute seeing that. Usually its Chat noir first. Honestly, best banter in a while. Really getting my hopes up.

-So they win and akuma is purified. Chat noir heads off first. He almost didn't fist bump. THIN ICE KITTY.

- OH! he has a date with Kagami! Now that’s interesting. Plagg called it a date, and Adrien didn't say anything.

-Kagami is excited to meet her favorite author Sakka Hayate. (I like the name). Apparently he is a popular novelist and writes Historical fiction. Apparently there is an international writers convention. 

-Kagami is a bit more bubbly and its precious.

-Dupain Bakery is catering the book signing. (Dupain probably caters everything at this point.)

-RETURN OF Marinette in a bun! This is not a drill!

- Marinette is surprised to see Adrien and Kagami there. She just Jumps behind a corner. Cause screw the macaroons.

-Marinette telling Tikki that she doesn't want to interrupt their date. That is kind of sweet. But then she keeps talking about Friendship. 

-Marinette moves out from the corner. And Adrien sees her.

-Kagami and Adrien both go to her. Poor girl, trying her best to dismiss herself. But Kagami is happy to see her.

-Marinette is not familiar with Sakka Hayate, so Kagami is explaining his books. She gets excited, and then calms herself. She apologizes for getting carried away.

-The marigami in this scene is strong, Marinette telling Kagami that it is great that she is passionate about his books.

-Kagami tells Adrien to grab a few snacks for them as she waits in line to get the autograph.

-Adrien, sweetie, Marinette is trying not to third wheel here. Let her escape.

-Adrien confesses he tried reading the books Kagami gave him... but they put him to sleep. He didn't finish reading the first book? OMG Adrien no.

-Adrien explaining he just doesn't have the heart to tell her he didn't like it. So he lied about it. Marinette telling him that he shouldn't pretend to like something just because she does. He should just be supportive.

-Oh s***! Sakka Hayate didnt write his books! Okay, I didn't catch the name of the woman, it was like Sayu something. They only say it like twice.

-Sayu just wants him to endorse her book coming up. Not even wanting credit from the book she wrote under his name. (the one the book signing was for)  That is pretty reasonable.

-So Marinette and Adrien find out because while Adrien was talking, they wandered into the wrong room.

-Hayate dismisses Sayu, claiming that if his name wasn't attached, her writing would be nothing.

-And akuma. Ghost writer appears. Akuma in the pen, which then turns into a plume.

-Hawkmoth you are still as one note as usual.

-Oh damn that is actually a really cool akuma form. She is like a specter, and She writes characters and they take form (reminds me of Levi from Fairy tail)

- Kagami saving Hayate from the vengeful akuma. Kagami no! He is an actual dingus.

-Marinette THREW ADRIEN IN A CLOSET! She threw him INTO A CLOSET. This scene alone is worth the watch.

-Ladybug is on the scene.

-Ladybug tries to calm Ghost Writer down. Ghost writer can't be hit unless she is writing. Or else everything phases right through her.

-Marc and Nathaniel in the background running and holding hands. I SEE YOU.

-The lucky charm is... a hand vacuum.

-Chat noir arrives and saves Kagami and Hayate.

-Chat noir... I love you, but that pun. It was weak.

-Ladybug and Chat noir save the day. The method did seem a bit lazy this time around, but meh.

-Hawkmoth’s speech was so phoned in. I was really expecting more from him this time.

- Hayate does say sorry to Sayu, he says that he was scared, because his last book was so popular because she took over writing the series, since he had hit a block. He was afraid of losing her. Seems like a cop out, but he does tell everyone at the signing that she should be the one that signs the book.

-Kagami was surprised by the revelation. But happily had both authors sign her books. Kagami telling Sayu she looks forward to reading her book.

-Adrien confesses to Kagami that he wasn't much of a fan of the books, but didn't want to put her out because he didn't like them. Kagami tells him its fine and that he doesn't need to like everything she does. But she is glad he came along anyway.

-Adrien was relieved. Saying he is glad he listened to Marinette about being upfront about it. Which put an odd tension in the air. I might have picked up on something that isn't there, but it looked like Kagami was a bit annoyed about that last comment.

-Marinette being glad that she can just be good friends with Adrien. I will say, this is an episode where Marinette doesn't gush about Adrien.

______________________________________________________________________

Overall 7.5 out of 10.

I liked seeing Kagami get fleshed out, and Adrien being the one to learn the lesson. The best part is Adrien being flung into a closet. I think the episode was was trying to be more Adrien focused instead of Marinette focused. Because it really felt like Marinette and Adrien kind of swapped roles. Ladynoir banter was top tier tho.

The resolution seemed too quick, 

I was fine with it, but some parts were lazy. Though if this is what season 4 has to offer, I am more than fine with it.

[hatter-and-his-tea]

One of the thing I like to do right now is monitor the review of Loki because sometime you get gem like this:

Didn’t know Hugh Grant signed up for the mcu too. Such talented man he is.

And this whole long ass review that is a mix of loki and black widow? But also a game? Because loki received a hackshaw blade? He is like kratos? The game has anticlimatic fourth dungeon?

Bots and fake review man…. They are everywhere.

[fake-reviews]

Toy Story 4

An inaugural fake review

I had the great pleasure to attend the World Premiere of Toy Story 4 in Los Angeles yesterday, and what I saw was nothing less than astounding, though perhaps not in the way you might anticipate. While I pride the clever folks at PIXAR for creating yet another emotional entry into their established oeuvre, if you enter the theater expecting a fun family-friendly romp, think again. This fourth entry into the twenty-four year-old Toy Story franchise is baffling.

As the company approaches their thirty-fourth year of operation, I can understand an urge to rebrand. But to make such a move with Toy Story 4 is bold to say the least. Particularly jarring was Bullseye’s thirteen-minute long hallucinatory fever dream, which some might feel goes on for too long, but I rather found incredibly deep and nuanced. Don’t be surprised to find a rogue tear rolling down your cheek as he explores deeply unresolved issues about his mother through interpretive dance. 

The film also seemed to be oddly self-referential in bits, particularly when Woody starts referring to himself as “Tom” midway through the movie. “Please, call me Tom.” “It’s not Woody anymore, Buzz. My name is Tom now.” “I’m Tom. Tom Hanks, and I am a sixty-three year-old human man,” he says repeatedly. The other characters initially question it, but eventually accept it as Woody or...Tom, as it were, becomes increasingly irate as the film progresses. Hanks himself gives an Oscar-worthy vocal performance when he screams into the face of Pricklepants, “DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME THE ROOTINEST, SHOOTINEST, COWBOY IN THE WILD WEST? BECAUSE YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO FINDING OUT.” 

The choice to depict Bo as a paranoid schizophrenic was bold to say the least, and though I appreciate the complex discussions about mental health representation it approaches, I do not believe this arc was entirely deserved. It really tightrope-walks the line of gratuitousness, especially in the scenes of her uninterrupted, guttural screaming, one of which lasts six excruciating minutes.

One choice I can absolutely not get behind is the decision to include a particular line in one of the new original songs that’s sure to stir controversy. In the middle of the song, you can clearly hear Randy Newman sing the line, “It’s been twenty-four years of this; Why won’t someone let me die?” I can’t help but find this an inappropriate addition, especially given that this song plays immediately after a tender moment in the film in which Woody teaches newcomer Forky a valuable lesson in friendship.

The plot, I’m sorry to say, is mind-numbingly predicable. Forky, as everyone anticipated, becomes the next leader of the free world after leading the charge of the Toy Uprising. Spoiler alert here, but the film ends with all toys subjugating humans into servitude. Now whenever the slave population hears the cry “FORKY’S COMING!” they immediately stop what they’re doing and fall motionless to the ground. 

Overall, Toy Story 4 opens up a fascinating dialogue about the pervasive presence of crushing self-doubt in a postmodern world, though I’m not entirely sure what moral it is specifically trying to communicate. Often the message is muddled by a plethora of winding subplots and shocking character deaths which are too spoilery to divulge here. This ain’t your daddy’s Toy Story, so strap in for a four hour and nine-minute-long emotionally turbulent rage fest. The kiddos are sure to love it! 

Also, be sure to stay until after the credits. Bonnie raps about the many functions of pipe cleaners. Shockingly, it was my favorite part of the film.

[droewyn]

I TRIED, FAM

Hot Topic FOR SOME REASON didn’t allow my five-star review of their Yuuri and Victor “Best Friend Necklace Set” to post.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[lupinealpineipa]

My top four favorite Bendy & friends episodes!

-B&F The Faust pacing show is a total classic! getting to hear Bendys sweet singing and an original composition for the entire episode was great!

-B&F The Magic Flute. unpopular opinion but I absolutely loved this episode! The flute being a magical entity did throw viewers off but I loved how the flute interacted with the huge lovable Boris.

-B&F The Mephisto watch. I think this is more of a fan favorite, this is the first time we see Bella in her now iconic police officer outfit.

-B&F Looking For Mr.Dorian Gray. Come on do  I even have to explain this episode? a Fan favorite and a very iconic and rare blurred Bendy appears in this episode!

[batmonkfish80]

12 months ago my review of Red Shoes, Black Mask went out exclusively to subscribers to my Patreon. Now with it's release on streaming I have taken my comments out from behind the paywall.

****

Red Shoes, Black Mask

Directed by Akela Sounder

Review by Neil Willcox

“People can’t tell you the truth with words, even if they want to,” says choreographer Anna Copeland (Elena Anderson), putting this film’s thesis statement on screen. “If you want to know what they mean you have to dance with them.”

Donna (Anne Gudrensdottir) is an aspiring dancer, who is brilliant despite her partying lifestyle. Her roommate Margot (Sophia Dupont) works harder but is not as good, being held back by Donna’s lax approach to sleep, diet, practice and exercise. Their troupe performs as part of a city festival in public spaces and in studios, in masks and robes and garish body suits. As all the dancers have much the same androgynous body type it becomes hard to tell who is who – until their dance identifies them. The group draw admirers who seem a little too fanatical in picking dancers out and mixing performers with their characters in the story.

The story they dance is one of obsession, love and revenge, the same basic plot moving in time. A Babylonian priestess dances and a prince courts her; jealous when she chooses another she’s killed and the prince hunted down. A nobleman courts a ballerina, she prefers not to be his mistress; again she is killed and in turn the nobleman killed. A disco diva is pursued by a wealthy real estate heir… a theme emerges for the observant.

Despite strange events and odd accidents Donna and Margot go to a party; someone is watching them. Margot performs badly the next day, stays late practicing. Donna goes out alone meets a mysterious masked dancer. The two perform a dance – and if you’re the one who goes to your horror films for the choreography, then this is the scene for you.

The next morning Donna doesn’t make it to rehearsal. Margot gets a call. She’s in a coma in hospital. She’s covered in bandages; they think she may never wake up. Margot tries out for Donna’s role as Jester in the medieval version but they bring in another dancer, the notoriously vain Rudolf (Karl Gale). They dance, masked, with Margot as his consort. Afterwards Rudolf is found unconscious in a dressing room.

Margot is stalked by the mysterious dancer and she stalks them in turn. Masking up and joining celebrations fill the streets. The words cannot tell the truth, so she will read the dance. But so can whoever she’s following as they begins the dance of death.

Or so the film tells us. You can dance in a sinister manner, or at least with the lighting and the camera work and the music you can. Is the dance a gimmick? If it is a gimmick it’s one that connects plot, theme and action, one that both the characters and filmmakers think is one of importance.

Of deadly importance.

Yet this review is words, and so cannot tell the truth.

Click Here to see this review performed as an interpretive dance