It's lonely on the edges (of the fandom lol)
There are many interesting people especially in the fandom that I come across from time to time and feel like I would enjoy talking to them or getting to know them better, but I end up often feeling that, due to being a fictive, and them most often being singlets with only a very generalized understanding of multiplicity, it would oftentimes end up being quite difficult to explain to them who and what I am and even WHY I am, well, me.
It would likely make things awkward; my identity and sense of self I mean, that they might feel weirded out around me, as in it would likely be hard for them to talk to me naturally, and that they would either see me as "a 2d character", and understand and think of me in a similar manner you would, of any "just a character" in a story, or that they would likely find me somewhat bizarre, due to me being, well, me, in the sense of "there's no way this person is actually Him therefore it's got to be an alter who just THINKS they are Uta and live in a delusion" or something to that effect.
Also talking about, well, fandom stuff which I personally very much enjoy, I feel tends to create a very awkward atmosphere, and it's difficult to navigate, since it's also kind of impossible to tell someone to "just chill about it, I'm just another person as much as any random person within this fandom is, just because I'm me doesn't mean you need to... walk on eggshells or give me special treatment or something. I don't need to be treated like a character, even if I like people respecting my identity and so forth. I'm just a person"... yeah, it's hard to put that into words in a way that wouldn't come across as kind of condescending or belittling.
I understand the struggle though, and especially in the cases where people would have difficulties wrapping their heads around the concept of a fictive to begin with, I can sympathise with that. But I wish that I wasn't seen or treated as some sort of an oddity or a Special Weirdo, or whatever. I like participating in my source fandom, and I don't hold my opinions regarding the source material- based on my identity or otherwise- as above anyone else's, and I'm capable of accepting other possibilities as well.
My personal experiences and how I look at things is a subjective interpretation based on a subjective, entirely conditional and technically non-canon 'past' (despite following the canon of the manga very closely) whereas the story, the manga, is a concrete, set canon and reality, but the individual interpretations, headcanons if you will, much like my memories as a fictive, are entirely subjective and vary upon the individual. Just because I'm "Uta", doesn't mean I can't function as a regular person in this regular world. Hell, it's exactly why I formed: to function well here specifically when nobody else could.
