Had a long sleep last night and I'm incredibly flaring up rn, but still feeling so so lucky and hashtag blessed to have got to go to the final night of Stage/Fright. It was a joy to get to meet and hang out with so many people, and to share the emotion and highs of the final show with you all was an absolute privilege I won't ever forget.
I got a ticket in row H on my own, and made friends with two lovely ladies next to me, one of whom it was her 14th time (haha the love is so real!!) and the other who'd brought tissues and cough sweets and flown over from Denmark. Getting to be so close and so central in seat 25 was absolutely amazing, and it made the whole play a completely different experience to my first time up in the circle and on the right at Oxford.
Spending that much money on a ticket, travel and hostel plus food was probably not wise considering I'm still unemployed, but much like for others, it gave me something so huge to look forward to in what's been frankly a terrible past 4 months and I'm so so glad I said fuck it and did it anyway. I wouldn't have gotten to see it again if not. Wouldn't have gotten to meet and hug so many friends, to chatter so much my voice was shot the next morning. To be able to hang out and freely talk about filthy kink shit among fellow enlightened minds. To feel actually connected to people by more than words on a screen or the occasional voicechat, which is pretty big for me because I'm not exaggerating when I say I have almost 0 irl friends, and the first of the 2 I get to see maybe once a year if we're lucky. So to be hugged and close to people, and to have people say they were happy to meet me, meant more than I can really say.
I came away with bracelets and gifts also which I'll treasure forever!! From @wintersoulwitch and @nailedcoffinlid, and others whose names I can't remember right now through the brainfog (pls tell me if anyone recognises the rest and i shall duly tag!). EDIT: thank you to @markgatissbeautifulswanneck for the heavy penis bracelet (and maybe the gh🤍st st🤍ry one too?? A memory is forming)!! Absolutely genius idea to put the texts in bracelet form!! 💚
Had a fantastic reception to my Goudron cosplay too which I loooved wearing so much! It was a joy to be among my brethren Goudrae with @folkrocklobster and @canyouliftmeup, and to be able to do some quick and manic photos with @silverview as Cragg and @wintersoulwitch as Belle hehehe. And so lovely to also meet @hercury, @varneysfangs, @spcvarney, @fecklesheckleshacklesschmeckles, @toosicktopray and all the others whose urls/names I either didn't catch or am currently unable to remember/match to names!! 💚💚💚
And as for the show itself!! God, I have no words, really. Like I said up there, it was a completely different experience seeing it from the stalls in row H, and it was a fucking joy to be able to see their faces and expressions, to see the corpsing and props better, and more to the point, to see Steve's beautiful beautiful face and his agony when talking about how he lost Reece. His.......writing partner....... 😭😭😭😭 That pause, fucking christ Steve. That was for the pembersmith girlies (gn) that was. God fucking bless.
I had no guesses for the special guest and honestly I have no context for Bernie Clifton's actual work because I don't remember really ever seeing him when I was growing up, but he was absolutely brilliant. His comedic timing was excellent, the singing (Reece's visible heart eyes!!! 🥰🥰🥰) and insults, his improv and the trumpet!! Fucking stellar.
I cried during BCDR (as expected). The real emotion in Reece's voice during various points was just heartbreaking, oughh the way his voice cracks? AGONISING. I then cried again at Steve's character break (being able to see his face this time and actually knowing what was going on? UNMATCHED. AMAZING. TEARS, DOWN THE SIDE OF MY FACE. NO NOTES). And ofc i was in BITS at the first curtain call which felt a bit dissonant because a lot of people around were laughing (I was like NOOO DON'T LAUGHHH I'M BUSY BEING IN PAIN HERE lmaoo) but oughh god. ME EMOTIONS. AGONISING!!!!
I'm gonna give you a whole Goudron Section because of course - it felt amazing cosplaying him and seeing him right there on stage!! His gestures and over-dramatic line delivery took me outttt, and honest to god Steve looks so so incredible as him it fucks me UPPPP. The way he has hands in his pocket or waistcoat pocket, or on his tummy (help 🥴🥴😵💫😵💫), and the way he's so sleazy badtouch (HELP 🥴🥴🥴😵💫😵💫😵💫) and the hypnotism, fucking christtttt. I'm sooooo normal about him!!!! There were lots of little bits I'd forgotten about, so it was amazing to get to see that whole section again!! Also Steve turning away to the wall after yelling FUCK YOU, ARSEHOLE was so so good, i swear I could see his face cracking as he corpsed, I was creasing. So delighted. And ofc then the delight of Vince too, god Steve is SO hot to me when he's being a giant fucking ham, I can't deal. A BIT OF THEATRE..... I CAN'T.
And then. We've all seen it. But. The Hug. Guys I'm not gonna lie to you, one of the best moments ever. I let out an audibly long squeak at an embarrassing pitch. I still can't believe it happened, right in front of my fuckin eyes. Reece holding his arms out for Steve. Steve going in, burying his face in Reece's neck. Holding him really tight. Reece going up on his toes on one foot. Jesus fucking christ. And right after every ghost story is really just a love story too. Fuck me. Truly unbelievable!!! I'm in shock, it was everything I could ever have wanted. It will fuel me through the rest of this cold winter and throughout spring too.
I'm feeling bereft, but happy and fulfilled at the same time. No matter how much pain I'm currently in (and it's a lot), I wouldn't swap it for the world. Thank you a thousand times to all of you who made it even more of a memorable day and night, and for welcoming me so warmly. I fucking love everyone in this bar, and I wasn't kidding about us having to do some sort of Northerners Meetup in the future!! 💚💚💚💚
I’m sorry for the running commentary on all this stuff this week, the blow by blow account of my petty coming out achievements but be wearing really thin with you guys xD I do appreciate those of you that have given me supportive though, you’re all superstars <3
