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Break worthy bev from @traderjoes. As a former smoker (13 years in June!) It feels like cigarette breaks are close to a thing of the past, but let me tell you they were glorious. I sometimes struggle to find an appropriate “excuse” to take a break. Basking in the sunshine filtering through the window in today’s living room office I’m savoring every sip of this Lemon Ginger Seltzer and gifting myself a break from the computer work I’ve been doing. My wish is that we can all enjoy consuming something as much as a smoker loves her cigarette and honor accepting break time as much as a smoker. I know all too well cigarettes are painfully addictive; But why do we enjoy things that are killing us and deprive ourselves from things that help? I dunno, maybe I have anxiety because I don’t smoke anymore 🤣 But I can taste again! I’m always happy to explore healthier habits and life’s’ small joys like flavors. For anyone out there still smoking, it’s never too late to quit or take a break! 🚭 💻 🥤 . . . #givemeabreak #breaktime #formersmoker #goodhabit #honoryourself #feminineleadership #giveyourselfabreak #nabeverage #takeabreak #bevbreak #breakworthy #savor #lifeisjuicy #savorlife #workaholic #formerworkaholic #workworkbalance #worklifebalance #homeoffice #computerwork #designwork #tastelife #lemonginger #seltzer #traderjoesseltzer #cigarettebreak #quitsmoking #afternoonbreak #destress #antianxiety (at Themis and Thread) https://www.instagram.com/p/CascgfcPF3M/?utm_medium=tumblr

One week ago I threw out my pack of cigarettes and lighter. I have been smoke free for 7 days. I have to say the physical symptoms of craving seem to be over but there are many times I find myself thinking, “Its time to go outside.” Then I think, “I don't smoke anymore. Thats a silly thought!’ I notice these thoughts a lot more in the evenings when I would smoke to kill lonely time until I was ready to go to bed. Now I just stare at the wall until the mental thought of wanting a cigarette passes over. But I have many frequent mental cues for times I think I should be smoking.

On another note, my ex-boyfriend called. Sigh. This man literally is the bane of my entire existence. He confuses me. I can't make rhyme or reason from half the decisions he makes and I honestly don't think he can make rhyme or reason from them. But here we are 2.5 years later after meeting. I love the man but I cannot justify being with someone who has not changed. I fear the same troubled relationship. He claims he loves me but can't seem to make one logical decision or step in the direction of actually winning me back. And so we have these awkward monthly (or so) phone calls to catch up and remain in contact with each other. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I think that conversation potentially fueled the amount of cravings I am having now but I am fighting each one, one at a time.

My brand new car got rear-ended on the highway (very low speed of impact) on my way home from clinical. I was ranting and shouting like a cigarette craving lunatic that I have become. One F bomb after another. Then, I don't know how I actually did it, got out of the car and spoke and acted like a civil human being even though I wanted to strangle the man. Poor man, you could see he was afraid to get out of his car due to the angry black woman flailing and screaming in her car with the windows up. I was impressed with myself.

In fact, each passing day since I quit, I impress myself. And I learn once again how strong and resilient I actually am.