#freysexual

[darkaviarymc]

If you're aspec, especially if you have an "unusual" microlable, come into my inbox and tell me about your specific aspec identity! Anon is open! I want to learn more about the similarities and differences amongst my fellow aspecs!

[gendernonconformingpriestess]

This looks like something from a fever dream. 

[actuallyasexuality]

A quick rundown on fraysexuality

Fraysexuality is the sexual attraction to people you don't know well. As you get to know a person more, the sexual attraction fades away. It is often considered the opposite of demisexuality.

People who identify as fraysexuals will not find everyone they don't know sexually attractive. This is the same for all sexualities.

[frogsforthefrogwar]

[griaustinis]

ok ok listen and tell me if this makes sense. i'm just figuring out my sexuality.

i'm bisexual, yes. have been for 6 years sure of that. but also

demisexual? asexual? idk we'll come back to that.

i can start blushing from a thirsty tiktok (men's thirst traps usually don't work for me, but some men can do it right) HOWEVER i would not want to sleep with them if they appeared in front of me. is that what freysexuality is? what is that?

i have had a singular close sexual experience and it was fine and good. but my desire to lose my virginity has gone from excited and wanting to have sex (was it real or did i just confuse it with libido?) to "i just want to try it at least once in my life" (isn't that kinda ace, isn't that weird?) to "i'm good if i never do it, i'm not interested in seeking it out or waiting for it".

i never been so close to a person to want to have sex with them BUT the closer i am to a person, the more intimate i can be.

WHAT AM I? demi? ace? fray? gray???

[affectiondeficitdisorder]

AM I A LOVE ADDICT, A FREYSEXUAL, OR JUST A JERK?

by Ethlie Ann Vare

One of my less attractive traits as a sex and love addict is that, as delighted as I am by the “getting to know you, getting know all about you” honeymoon phase of a relationship, is exactly how bored I am by the “I’ll do the cooking, you do the dishes” longterm phase of relationship. The unknown intrigues me. The known does not. Falling in love is intoxicating. Being in love is… nice.

This is why I make a great girlfriend and a lousy wife. And you can ask any of my ex-husbands about that.

This, I have come to believe, is an artifact of both my personality and my brain chemistry. There is a reason I have the attention span of a gnat, that I like things that are sparkly and new. I would rather climb a learning curve than repeat a task I am already good at. This is because my brain is and always has been a quart low on dopamine, and I will do most anything for a nice squirt of anticipation. “Wow! You could be amazing!” is simply more appealing to my neurons than “Hey. You’re okay!”… even though I do know that most of the time you’re not going to be amazing at all.

Now, cocaine used to handle this dopamine deficiency pretty well, but it turned out to have negative side effects. Jail, for one. And I don’t take ADD meds because they’re essentially speed and I’d rather not stick my hand into that flame again. So I was actually relieved to learn about sex and love addiction. I am not just a crap spouse; I am acting out Characteristic #5 of the Twelve Characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction: “We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.”

According to the tenets of SLAA and other S-programs, my terror isn't so much of boredom. No, when you dig down deep it’s more a fear of standing still long enough to truly be seen, really be known. It’s that old bugaboo, low self-esteem. Self-loathing. If you really knew me, you would leave me, so I’ll leave first thank you very much. I can work with that! Sure, it can be a slog, working a 12-step program on something. All that love and service and showing up and telling the truth. But it worked with the drugs and alcohol — for me and a kajillion other people — so why shouldn’t it work with this?

Then, around 2017, the word “freysexual” started getting some play. It came out of the LGBTQ+ conversation under the “+” umbrella, as a subset of ACE, or asexuality. A freysexual — sometimes (incorrectly) spelled fraysexual — is someone who loses sexual interest in someone once they get to know them. The old-school straight cis guy Madonna-Whore Complex is a subset of this. My old contention that “novelty is the best aphrodisiac” is almost a definition of freysexual. 

There is even a freysexual flag: blue, cyan, white and grey in horizontal bars, similar to the asexual flag:

(Official explainer: The blue and cyan represent less familiar relationships. The white represents a lack of attraction. The grey represents the grey area in between and the confusion that freysexual people feel when their feelings disappear.)

So… is my pattern of acting out on what I see as sex and love addiction simply a variation of sexual attraction, something that should be normalized the same way being gay or bi is normalized? There are more than 75 gender/sexual identities floating around at the moment. Is a freysexual bouncing from one short-term romance to the next no more selfish than a sapiosexual attracted to intelligence, or a demisexual seeking deep romantic bonds? Or is my behavior just your basic addict immaturity?

The trick, say people who talk about this stuff, is to be up front about your sexual identity. Closeted gay guys dating clueless women is a no-no. Polyamorous people agreeing to monogamous relationships and then cheating is shitty. I suppose a freysexual could do a full disclosure: “Hey, I’m probably going to get bored of you pretty quick, but don’t take it personally, it’s just my sexual identity.” But I’m not sure it would help. 

I’ve been giving it some thought, and here’s my opinion: As someone who has suffered from this behavior — and I do mean suffered, because it frequently sucks — I’m convinced this is not something to normalize. I think it’s something to heal from. And I believe that healing is possible, so I will continue on that path.

However… I do change my opinions based on new information. We can keep the discussion open. I’ll let you know if I run into mister “Hey, you’re okay!” anytime soon.

[lily-janus]

Saw you're doing prompts (at least it's in the pinned post xd) and since I'm trash:

"say that again" or "Just pretend to be my date." with loceit? :D

Okay sorry this took a while but I ended up doing both. Also I hope you don't mind but it's part of a series I wrote on AO3 and continued a bit here on Tumblr😅 I don't think you need to read those to understand this one though😊 hope you like it💛💙

Being Different

Summary: Logan and Janus struggle with other people's assumptions about their relationship.

Pairing: queer platonic Loceit

Some context: Logan is AroAce and Janus is Freyromantic and Freysexual

Warnings: missed understanding and assumption about QPR being a romantic relationship, internal want to not be aspec and that's it I think, let me know if I missed anything.

Word count: 1,388

It was not uncommon for people to assume him and Janus were dating. It happened a lot actually. Logan didn't always mind it, there were times when they both agreed to do it on purpose for entertainment reasons… but then there were times they weren't.  

Of course, Janus always encourages him to not care about what other people think, but it's not about that. It irritates him because of the simple fact people assume so easily that they know everything about their relationship and its nature. It would have annoyed him even if they were in fact dating. It's the principle. 

"Awww you're such a cute couple!" The waitress commented and Logan could feel his eye twitch in annoyance.

"We're not dating." Logan hissed lowely, Janus immediately laying a hand on one of his own that were clenched to fists on the table.

The waitress didn't seem to get the hint. She winked "maybe not yet."

Logan nearly growled in frustration. "No! Not ever! We're in a QPR and you don't get to assume-"

"Logan." Janus said softly, cutting off Logan's angry rant and he trailed off with a huff.

Janus turned to the waitress. "Sorry, it's a difficult spot for us, can you leave us for a minute?"

The waitress blinked at the sudden outburst. "Ah… sure." She said and left.

Logan sighed. "I'm sorry Janus, I know I should stop caring about this by now but…" he trailed off, looking away in shame.

Janus was still holding one of his hands, his thumb now stroking it soothingly. "Logan, it's okay to be upset about it." He said softly in that silky voice of his that always seems to calm Logan down.

"In an ideal world, people will stay out of other people's lives and businesses. Now, I don't justify this behaviour, but try to understand." Janus leaned forward a bit, forcing Logan to face him and meet his eyes. "We didn't know about this possibility either, you can't blame people for being ignorant on a subject that's far from well known. But, you are allowed to be hurt by this, your feelings matter regardless of others' intentions."

Logan let Janus' words sink in for a bit, before letting out another sigh and nodding.

Janus smiled softly at him, squeezing his hand reassuringly, before smirking. "What do you say we get out of here? This place's theme is too mushy to my liking anyway."

Logan didn't get a chance to articulate a response before Janus led him up and out of the restaurant. 

He was unusually quiet for the entirety of the car ride, thinking over Janus' words, feeling his frustration fade away slowly.

The car skidded to a stop and it took Logan a few moments to realize where they were.

"The beach?" Logan questioned as they got out of the car, the sky pitch black above them. He thought over what one usually does at the beach, "I don't think swimming is recommended at this time."

Janus snorted. "Oh Logan, no, no, geez. I'm not Remus"

Logan blushed slightly. "Then… why did you bring us here? The usual activities at the beach are swimming and watching the sunset, both of which are not appropriate for this time of day."

Janus smirked. "As always you are right. But, there is something I know you like more than sunsets that comes out at this time." Janus tilted Logan's head gently towards the sky and Logan gasped softly.

"Stars." Logan wasn't dumb, he knew Janus is trying to distract him. But well, he didn't really mind it. The sky was as clear as glass and the stars shone bright, he could almost see all the famous constellations and some of the less known ones too.

Without realizing it, he sank down to the soft sand, eyes fixed on the sky, and started talking about all the different stars and galaxies. After all, space was one, if not the, favorite subject for him to talk about.

Janus stayed quiet listening intently, and, after a while, they both fell to comfortable silence.

Logan finally managed to tear his eyes away from the breathtaking sky and looked closely at Janus. Their eyes met.

"I know that look, don't you even go there." Logan said.

"What look?" Janus asked innocently.

Logan resisted the urge to snort at that. "Don't you dare bring up-"

"Remember your sister's wedding?"

"The wedding." Logan finished a second too late, sighing. "Yes, Janus, I remember. I was so lost, I didn't know what to do. So then you said-"

"Just pretend to be my date, and everything will play out smoothly." They recited at the same time, smiling nostalgically at each other. So much has changed since then.

"It did not, in fact, play out smoothly." Logan pointed out and Janus rolled his eyes fondly.

"Yes darling, I was there. To be fair…" Janus laced their fingers together. "I did warn you not to listen to me."

Logan chuckled lightly and they fell to silence again. Inevitably, Logan's thoughts circled back to the waitress and he sighed sadly. "You know, we can't escape this. No matter how many people we'll tell and explain it to, there will always be twice as many people that are still ignorant."

Janus sighed too. "No, we can't… But we can face it head on, with our chins up, and take whatever society throws at us. We have each other, nothing will change that and that's all we need, Logan. Heteronormativity and society be damned. I love you, Logan, and that's all that matters."

Logan felt the corners of his eyes sting, he sometimes wonders what has he ever done to deserve Janus. "S-say that again." Logan asked, voice full of emotion.

Janus turned to him, smiling. "I love you Logan."

Logan threw his arms around Janus' shoulders, holding him tightly as he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks and soaking Janus' jacket. "I just… I know I shouldn't and… and I really came to terms with myself and who I am, I promise…" Logan trailed off with a sob.

"But?" Janus asked gently.

Logan took a shuddering breath. "But sometimes I wish I was… Normal… like everyone else… it would make things so much simpler. I'm so tired of explaining myself to every new person I meet, of feeling isolated and having the majority of people not relate or understand me. I sometimes wish it'll all just stop and I could take a breath or two and… be able to live my life like everyone else." 

Logan sniffed, burying his face in Janus' shoulder, unable to meet his gaze from shame, he's basically saying he wished their beautiful relationship would not be… Janus must be so hurt right now-

"I feel that way too sometimes." Janus said quietly, rubbing soothing circles on his spine. "But then…" Logan could hear Janus' smile in his voice. "Then I remember that I have you, and we have this. And I wouldn't trade that for anything." Janus pulled back a little so they're eyes could meet, he was indeed smiling and Logan almost felt a mirror smile tugging at his lips. "No one ever in my life understood me like you. So much so that sometimes I wonder if you could actually hear my thoughts." He chuckled softly.

Logan rubbed his warm cheeks, wiping his tears and sniffing. "I would be truly lost without you, Janus… thank you."

Janus smirked. "Ah yes, what would you do without me, I'd imagine life will be quite boring."

Logan smiled, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers. "And lonely too." He added, not missing Janus' smirk melting into a gentle smile.

"Life will never be simple for us. Sometimes it will feel like too much, and sometimes it won't." Janus gave Logan's hand a squeeze. "But I'm sure that if we stick together, we're sure to figure it out."

He got up, pulling Logan with him and they both dusted themselves to get rid of all the sand.

Logan studied Janus' reassuringly familiar face the whole ride to his apartment. He was suddenly struck with the realization that none of those 'normal' people Logan was so jealous of, will ever feel that kind of connection with someone. He smiled to himself, maybe being different isn't all that bad…

[mint-mango-uwu]

Happy Pride! 😆🏳‍🌈

(she might be quoisexual, aromantic, demisexual or getero)