February 5th, 2024.
I’ve have had some memories come back to me about the boyfriend I had at age 14, he was 20, almost 21… I am having the realization that I was sexually assaulted. That people close to me, as well as him….adults, knew… and did nothing.
I’m actually processing it quite well(I think). I Had one of those good for the soul days with ✨my people✨, crying and pouring it all out into the universe and the memories came OVERWHELMINGLY rushing to the surface.
My story just spewing from my mouth like an over boiling kettle.
I remember him adding me on MSN messanger when I was 14…(June 2005), he had gotten my info through a “mutual friend”, who was 15 or 16 years old at the time.
He had received a black and white photo of me, cuddling into a stuffed Mickey Mouse teddy bear. He thought I was cute. He asked me what type of alcohol I liked and he invited me and my “friend” to a party where he would of course supply all of the alcohol, because he was a gentleman.
He took my virginity that night. I didn’t even understand what that meant. I didn’t understand what sex even meant. Had he worn a condom? I don’t know the answers to the endless questions I had.
I’m having all of these memories come back and I’m so upset by them. However, it’s strange. It’s as if I’m sad for the little kid me. Not the ME that I am today.
I feel so sad that she wasn’t protected. I know that it’s not my fault, because I was a child. I was a little kid. And this adult man took advantage of my innocence and vulnerable family situation. Knowingly feeding alcohol to a minor with the intent of sex.
I also have memories of disturbing pornography on his computer throughout our 11-12 year relationship that ensued. However, I remember being too afraid to come forward to anyone. Or bringing it up to him, in fear of repercussions from him.
But the next steps is where I’m frozen and feel like I can’t move. Do I report it now? Is it possible to report it?
He is married with a little girl on the way. He is the step father to a young girl.
And I am left with the aching memory of crying in that man’s bathroom, covered in dried up blood, fighting back tears, with the disgusting and dizzying taste of blue REV on my breath. I am left to accept the fact that I was a victim of sexual assault.
As I sit about the press post, I recognize the date. It’s his birthday today. I wonder does he recall the day that impacted my life so disturbingly much? Does he know the pain he caused?
HOPE.
Hold on, Pain Ends.
You are stronger than your hardest moments. 🌻
IG; @ToTheRecoveringSoul
