Written for @marvelpolyshipbingo
Pairings: Tony Stark/Clint Barton/Loki
Summary: Loki convinces an unconcerned Clint and Tony that it would be a bad idea to kill his father. They've had stranger pillow talk.
Square Filled: I4: _'s A+ Parenting
"You know Loki, the more I learn about your father, the more I want to kill him."
"This isn't the best pillow talk," Clint said, but this was how the three of them fit in all their serious conversations.
"A popular sentiment, Tony. Even Thor has come around to the idea," Loki said. He kept his eyes closed, apparently unbothered by the topic.
Tony took the opportunity to trail his fingers across Loki's chest. Any time Loki stared at him, he felt like he was being judged for looking at him like this. "I'm just saying. Father of the entire universe or not, if he talks down to you while I'm in the room, he's going to get a face full of Iron Man gauntlet."
Loki snorted. "Odin is barely the father of Thor. He could not give life to an entire universe if the whole of that universe was an anthill."
"Does that mean that if I shoot him, you won't get mad at me?" Clint asked.
"I would be quite cross with you for getting killed."
Loki peeked one eye open to give him a flat look, then closed it again. "He is a king that used to be a conqueror. Attacking him would be a sign of war. Everyone would be mad at you for shooting him."
"I wouldn't," Tony volunteered, and Loki sighed.
"You both have narrow views of the universe."
"Hey, I kicked Thanos's ass. I can do that to Odin. Plus, he's down an eye. That gives me an even better chance," Tony said.
"Thor would be mad at you," Loki said, and they both paused.
"Yeah," Clint agreed reluctantly. "Maybe not the best idea to get the big guy mad at us. Bad for team morale. He'd be all broody, then we'd have to sit through one of Cap's lectures. And Nat gets pissed when Thor broods, so we'd have to deal with that too."
"And when Natasha is mad, Pepper is more easily annoyed. Domino effect. We'd be facing hostility on all sides," Tony said. "Better not risk it. Your dad's still an asshole, though."
