Trying To Balance With A Part Of Yourself Missing
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Summary: Thor bargains with Odin on Loki's sentence and he wins. Loki is moved with the Avengers to fix his past mistakes. But Odin's term changes everything and Loki's foe is not their mistakes, but their self-image
Warnings: a lot. Each chapter will have individual ones
Notes: Whenever a dialogue is in bold, Loki speaks English
Chapter 2, Terms Of Agreement
Chapter summary: The Avengers discuss how Loki will stay there.
Chapter warnings: flashing lights, deadnaming, language, gender dysphoria
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This time, Thor doesn't touch Loki at all. On one hand, he doesn't feel like he will burn Thor's hand, or gets touched in a place he doesn't want to. On the other hand, does Thor avoid physical contact because he's just as afraid and disgusted as Loki is? And how the Hel will they find their way in those corridors?
"Brother, are you fine?" Thor asks, probably noticing Loki's struggle to see where he's going.
"Yes. I just-I just don't k-k-k-know the c-c-c-corridors yet," they answer, trying not to hold a breath before Thor nods.
"Don't take it as an offence, but I thought you had grown out of that thing. What spell was it?" he obviously doesn't spare a thought before asking, not that it would matter.
"Aud-audi-auditory ill-ill-illusion, it ne-ne-never…" Loki pauses, opening and closing his mouth before muttering "itneverstopped," with approximately the speed of light.
"At least there's no Father to silence you about it," Thor shrugs, making Loki nod. Well, Odin's absence is the only positive thing about this situation.
The meeting room, according to Thor, is full of people, more than the five that Loki remembers. Well, they all appear as blurry forms, but Loki can still sense their glares.
"Is that Loki?" A baritone voice asks — ah, Rogers —, in English simple and clear enough to be understood.
Another voice, Stark's, mutters something, too fast and between his teeth for Loki to understand it, but it certainly feels like a comment.
"Stark said something about you looking like a Targaryen, I don't know what it means," Thor whispers, for perhaps the first time in his life. Odin left Loki's sense of magical sources, perhaps for a taunt, and Thor doesn't use his Allspeak to answer.
Loki nods and pulls Thor towards the table, gesturing at him to guide them through a chair, since they needed some extra lights in this fucking room. Thor does it, letting Loki's hand touch a chair before he sits on his left.
"Thor-Thor, t-t-tell them-them that y-you w-w-will tra-translate," they ask. He sits close enough to see Thor's worry.
A female voice, Romanov, says something, her voice as dead as Loki remembers. "Would you like relearning English, brother?" the whispering is gone, but Loki still nods a yes.
Stark mutters something, including one of Loki's nicknames. "He said he can make the robot speak Old Norse, but will need one of us to transfer the information to her," Thor explains.
"Will-will it need-need-need e-e-energy or n-n-not?" Loki asks, gazing at what might be Stark's form.
"From you? No," Stark for once speaks slow enough to be understood.
"Th-then, I do- um, I will do-do it," they answer, attempting to use English this time. He's certain he fucked it up, but Stark comments "not bad,".
Barton asks something, just his tone being rude. "I can't ask that," Thor argues, making Barton say something louder. Thor sighs.
"Barton asks if you can still see," he asks, already regretting it.
"The f-fuck kind of question is-is-is that?" they raise an eyebrow, and Thor shrugs.
Barton asks something, more annoyed than he started. "You don't want me to translate," Thor sighs. Rogers snaps something, making everyone groan. Thor doesn't translate it, probably because Loki will attempt murder if he learns what it was.
There's an argument between the others, mentioning Loki's name a few times, and having Thor ready to start slamming people with Mjölnir. Loki sighs and ignores the chaos, waiting for them to calm down. Romanov says something, and everyone calms down. Then, she says something else, and it has Loki's name in it.
"Natasha says she wants to tutor you English. Your other choice is Steve. And she already teaches two other avengers how to hide their accent, you can join," Thor explains.
"Who are-who are the o-o-other t-t-t-two?"
"Wanda and Pietro. She has some form of magic, and he is fast,"
"Th-then, ssso it is," they agree.
Banner says something else, again mentioning Loki's name and some big words.
"What do you mean?" Thor asks, getting some more mumbling as an answer.
"Well yes, Jötunnheim has no sun, but this doesn't mean he has to do those," Thor argues. Barton sighs and demands Thor to ask something.
"Barton asks you to identify the shape he has drawn, without you narrowing your eyes or leaning forward," Thor explains, looking already too tired of this shit. Loki nods and turns to Barton.
He can see that Barton is holding something white, probably a piece of paper, but there are not even lines on it. They give up after some long moments and nod a no. Banner starts speaking again, and Thor nods, regardless of how he doesn't like what he heard.
"Banner said you might have albinism, which makes your eyes red and hair white. He wants to run tests because he thinks you won't be able to be in the sun and might be blind," he translates.
"Th-th-that's bu-bu-bullshit, I'm not-not bl-bl-bl-blind! The room is too-too bright, and I can s-s-s-s-see you," he snaps. Thor repeats it, without the cursing. Banner insists.
"He said that the room might be too bright for you because of this thing," Loki groans at the answer.
"F-fucking healers… Wh-wh-what tests does-does he w-want?" they sigh.
"On your bloodstream, eyes and skin. The first one requires him taking some blood, it's not as bad as it sounds," Thor sighs as well, speaking from experience. Loki nods.
"Tell him to-to-to-tomorrow, as well as the l-l-l-l-lessons. But I'd like to-to-to-to be a-a-alone on th-these," he decides, still managing to glare at them into shivering. Good thing the overwhelming empathy is not related to the magic…
"Stark asks if you can do the robot thing today. And that's it for now," Thor rubs his temple, a view Loki almost can’t believe they see.
"Yes. Now g-go rest, Brother, you look like sh-shit," he answers, softening at Thor and trying to earn a small smile out of him. They fail, and everyone gets up and leaves.
Stark grabs Loki's shoulder and yells something, too fast to catch up. But Loki still nods and gets up, following him to the corridor.
“Can you t-t-talk slow-slower?" he asks, refusing to ask or beg, not yet at least.
"Yes, sure. Speaking of… is it me or is your voice higher?" Stark asks, almost casually. But the question feels like a punch in the stomach. Loki just shrugs, eager to stop this discussion right here and right now, or at least change the subject.
Thankfully, Stark stays silent until they reach the lab if judged by the machinery screaming. Stark yanks Loki's forearm (above the sleeve, luckily for his hand) and drags them into a chair, of some sorts.
Stark tries to explain and then asks a question. Loki nods a no, refusing to speak. Then, Stark speaks to the robot.
A blue light appears, probably with details, but Loki cannot see them. He still narrows his eyes, hoping to catch something. But they only see a blue mass, looking like a ball or a brain. Stark grunts and walks away before coming back, this time with something long and black.
“Okay. I will put this to your head, but it will not hurt you,” he explains. Loki backs away in the chair.
“D-don’t do-do-do th-this wi-without g-g-gloves,” he snaps, glaring at Stark. He mutters something about germs and sighs, wearing some plastic gloves.
His hand is gentle on their head, removing some white hair before he sticks a metal on their scalp. As he said, it was not painful. In fact, the only thing that gives the impression of this working is a bar of light that fills itself as time passes. When it’s full, Stark removes the wire and throws away the gloves. They fall on the floor with a clank, the ice snapping them in half.
Stark mutters something, too fast for Loki to understand. Then, he mumbles something else, to which the robot replies with something. They have a brief conversation, and then Tony repeats the first mutter.
“Is that why you wanted me to wear gloves? Anthony Stark,” the robot translates to Old Norse. Loki doesn’t laugh but manages a tiny smile.
“Yes, Unless you were planning on getting frostbites,” he answers and listens to the robotic lady, which Stark called Friday while instructing her. But then, she says their name.
Loki Odindottir.
Loki’s heart skips a beat, and he lowers his face in shame, trying so hard not to dig holes in his fingers. How did Odin transfer this fucking name here? And why does Stark stare at them like they’re a bomb?
“The name is wrong, it’s Laufeyson. Change it,” Loki turns to Stark, glaring daggers. Friday repeats, and this time she says the right name. But sure thing, this bitch will pay for uttering this word. "Who added it?" he asks, trying to maintain his calm.
"I…" Stark trails off. Oh, no, you're not playing with their patients, buddy.
"Who added it? It was on my file, right? Who created my file?" He feels the seat freezing beneath him, glaring fire at Stark.
"Thor. When you attacked, Thor filled your file," his breath comes out visible, but Loki can just feel the warm air. Just like they feel the fear emitting out of Stark.
"Very, well… Thank you, Anthony," Loki smiles to contain the anger, and gets up.
"Your earphones, unless you want Friday to yell everything," Stark relaxes somehow, probably because he knows Loki's rage is placed elsewhere now, and hands over some black earphones. Loki nods and wears one of them, turning it on. Then he gets out and, with Friday's help, he matches right to Thor's room.
~~~~~~~
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