Another fill for the marvellousaces bingo, and let me say, this was very fun to draw, it has nothing to do with Christmas but that may come later today also yes, clint is holding a hulk teedy, dont ask why, he just is.
Warnings: mentions of insomnia, nightmares, panic attack, isolation and alcohol.
Notes: Basically, the idiots in love trope is my favourite. Tony is a bi mess, Loki doesn't care about a thing (or cares about too many things), Thor is a himbo and Steve is trying. Also, yes, Loki has the ace ring (and a pride flag in his room) and he legally cannot sit like a normal person. And Steve lost the bet because he didn't expect Tony to find out about his crush on Loki within a month.
Read on AO3
"You know what, I get it. We all deserve second chances and blah blah blah, but can't Loki redeem his name on another solar system? What about Jötunnheim? He did a genocide there too!" Tony argues. At least he moves past the redeem part.
"I told you they would not accept me," Loki sighs at Thor, trying to appear stoic. But Tony sees the disappointment in him. Because he knows how to spot it in the mirror.
"Fine, he can stay for a month as a testing period. But if he causes trouble, he's gone," Steve decides. He loves speaking out the decisions even though no one will disagree.
And Thor smiles widely and hugs his brother. But Tony can still see the disappointment in Loki.
~~~
Sleeping is hard while knowing he's in the same building. Tony expected it, but it's still annoying.
"You know he was a victim too, why are you so afraid?" He asks himself but no answer is given.
He knows he won't be able to sleep, and there is a broken suit waiting for him in the lab.
Well, if he's about to pull an all nighter, he better be productive.
~~~
Tony had gotten his all nighter on a schedule. He would wait until Steve is asleep, go to the lab, and return to his bed only one hour before Steve wakes up. Of course and they all noticed his dark circles and moodiness, but he would blame nightmares and get away with it. Not that he was lying.
And, apparently, Tony is not the only one with sleeping issues.
Thor was claiming that Gods don't need sleep or nutrition. But Thor is also a sleeper and eats every time like it's his last time. But Loki doesn't. He barely touches whatever food is placed in front of him or drinks a little water and he looks more sleep deprived than Tony. But no one has the guts to say to a thousand years old powerful cranky god to go sleep or to eat, not even Thor.
And he doesn't talk. It's been days since his voice was heard. Thor doesn't like it, but the few times he mentioned it or tried to get Loki to speak or take part in a talk, he only got a glare. And Tony still doesn't know how Thor still makes Loki even get out of his room.
~~~
Once again, Tony is working on a new suit, during his favourite inhuman hours. Because two things come out at 3am, the devil and Tony Stark.
But the first dude is not helping Tony with the non functioning leg that's driving him insane.
"It's not going to work," Someone comments from the lab's door. Who the hell is up that late?
"Excuse me?" Tony turns around, only to face Loki leaning against the door frame.
"Remaking the joint to resemble a human's is not going to work. You need less strength and more flexibility, probably even another material," Loki explains, staring at Tony. He makes a small nod. Loki then straightens himself and walks closer.
"You know about mechanical engineering?" Tony asks.
"Science, magic, it's all the same on Asgard… and I happen to be the Master of Magic, and therefore…" He trails off, something sad blooming in his eyes. Homesickness, Tony recognises with ease.
"Alright, so, how do you think we'll make it work?" Tony asks, a grin on his face. But instead of answering, Loki just lifts his sleeves and grabs a wrench.
Tony watches as Loki plays with the machine—he looks more like he plays than like he's repairing something—and uses his magic to change the elements on the materials, green glows appearing and disappearing. And, after the five minutes it took him, the leg is perfect.
"Wow…" Tony whistles. Loki grins and sits on the working table, spinning the wrench on his fingers.
"It will probably last for a millennium or two," He shrugs, like it's something easy. And Tony is more impressed.
And they go on with the suit, finishing it before it's time for Tony to go and pretend he's sleeping. And Tony would use this time.
"Well, I didn't know you're good at engineering," Tony trails off. Loki shrugs in response, again sitting on the table with his legs in lotus position.
"You never asked,"
"Yeah, sorry about that. You are just too…" He suddenly can't find the word.
"Cold?" Loki asks, raising his eyebrows at Tony.
"Reserved is how I would phrase it, actually," Tony responds, making Loki hum.
"You know what, nevermind. I'm asking now. What do you like? What don't you like? Just rumble about things," He decides, big brown eyes staring at Loki. And he responds with another shrug.
"I don't know… it is quite late, so I'll probably head to my bed. Good morning, Stark," He jumps up and leaves, before Tony can even think of stopping him.
Right, he's just waiting for people to ask…
"So… Do you remember the rumble offer? Cause it still stands," Tony eyes Loki. And Loki responds with a smile.
~~~
The next morning, Loki didn't appear. Thor explained that he crashed on the bed. And it must be the hell of a sleep because he got out of his room three days after. Again, while Tony was working on a suit.
"Hey, wanna help?" Tony yells at Loki as he walks outside of the lab. And Loki nods a yes and gets to work.
"Still not sleeping, Stark?" He asks, his smart eyes pinned on the helmet of the suit.
"No rest for the wicked," Tony smiles. Looks like he's more talkative now that he's fresh.
"Tell me about it…" He sighs. Then, he grunts a bit, probably gotten hit by some remaining electricity.
Tony hadn't noticed before how pretty Loki's smile is.
And Loki takes the opportunity and starts to talk. Tony learns a lot about Loki during the Great Rumble. Dandelions are his favourite flowers, thanks to the Æsir library he became an encyclopaedia of random fun facts (even took it far enough to share some), he's a cat person, he loves classical music or music without lyrics, and then he starts sharing some stories of him and Thor as kids.
But Tony notices other things too. He noticed that Loki's eyes seem to glow when he talks about things that make him happy, he moves his hands around, he has this cute little smile that makes his face shine. And when he talks fast, his Nordic accent slips out—just some trilled 'r's or some harder sounds—and he also has a stutter that slips out. And Tony finds all of those so beautiful, but he can't say it.
"Your turn," Loki says. And Tony freezes.
Because his mind is nothing but simping for Loki, right now.
"I… em… Ya know, I…" He mutters, trying to think of something. But, Goddamnit, those shining green eyes pinning on him and waiting are so distracting.
"I'm actually bisexual, but more attracted to women than men," He snaps, finally finding something. But what if Asgard is not so accepting? Earth is having issues with those things and those guys live in the middle ages.
"Oh, nice," Loki shrugs after noticing Tony's brief pause. And it's enough to relax Tony.
"And… Dammit, this is so hard… I like cheeseburgers?" He squirts. "I don't know, can't think of something right now… when something pops up, I'll let you know," He gives up and rubs his nose bridge.
"No worries, you're hot anyways,"
Loki grins after seeing how red Tony's face became. And Tony clears his throat in hope of containing himself somehow.
"Alrighty… How's the helmet going? Tony moves the subject away. He sees Loki short-circuiting for a long moment, before remembering what they are doing here and grabbing back the helmet.
"It won't let me fix it… whenever I try to do something to the source of the issue, I get striked," He answers.
"Have you tried plastic gloves?" Tony asks, not even looking up from the hand he's oiling.
"For the helmet?" Loki asks, his eyebrows furrowed at Tony.
"For your hands, you idiot!" Tony screams, his head snapping heavenwards. Why did he agree on this?
"Fine, fine… Norns, dauðlegir eru svo stuttir í skapi... —Norns, Mortals are so short tempered…" Loki mutters under his breath.
"You know JARVIS can translate from Old Norse to English, right?" Tony snaps.
Loki shrugs and leaps into the working table and walks across it with three big steps, jumping back down with grace and opening shelves to find the gloves.
"They won't fit," He yells at Tony.
"Whatcha mean they won't fit?" Tony yells back.
Loki jumps on the table again and ends right behind Tony.
"I mean, they won't fit. They're too small," He answers to Tony's ear. Tony has learned how much Loki loved climbing on furniture, so he just turns around instead of jumping around and cussing at the God.
"Come on… how big are your hands?" He asks. Loki grabs Tony's hand and places his palm against his own. Tony's fingers were beginning on Loki's second joints, his fingers long and thin. And Tony licks his lips, because he knows what big hands mean…
Stop being horny over deities, you idiot! It didn't end well with Jesus and it won't end well with this one too! The, usually silent, voice of reason reminds him.
"Maybe you can magic them into fitting…" He suggests. Loki nods and stretches the left glove with his right hand, a green light making it bigger as he slides his hand inside.
"Thank you, Stark…" He smiles and climbs back on the table, eyes pinned on the helmet as he's playing with the screwdriver. It's been two weeks since he came here, and he still uses only last names. But when Clint called him Odinson, Thor, Steve and the Hulk had to physically hold Loki from snapping the archer's neck. And no one dares to call him Laufeyson or even think about it.
"Hey," Tony snaps. Loki flinches at the sudden noise but composes himself right after. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya," Tony apologizes.
"It's fine… What do you want to ask?" Loki shrugs one shoulder, placing the helmet on his right and the screwdriver on his left.
"Why do you call everyone by their last name but don't want to be addressed as so?" He asks.
"I'm not anyone's friend, and first names feel too familiar for such a situation. And, I won't stay for a long time…" He answers, the livid glow in his eyes fading just so.
"And, your last name?"
"I don't have one…" He whispers, with what Tony recognises as shame in his voice. Tony frowns and walks closer, staying outside of Loki's personal space.
"But you're Thor's brother and he's an Odinson," He studied his words before speaking. The last thing he wants is to trigger Loki, even as an accident.
"On Asgard and Jötenheim, last names work differently. You choose the name of the parent who you are closest to and then add the -son, -dottir or -barn. But Odin and Laufey were not close at all, and Frigga could help but she chose to keep me at arm's reach. So, no last name…" Tony can see how Loki was trying hard not to show emotions, but he is so close to breaking.
"You know, with this logic, only Thor has a last name. Don't tell Steve, but Howard was a first class terrible father. Steve's dad abandoned him and his mother, after beating the poor woman. Clint's parents made him run away and go to the circus. Natasha was given her name in the Red Room, she doesn't know who her parents are. And Bruce's was violent too. The only people with decent parents are Thor and JARVIS." Tony should move the topic away, but he didn't. At least he tries to patch it up on the last bit.
"And Dum-E," Loki adds, with a barely visible smile. A fake one. Tony hears the robot's joints moving as he lifts his upper part.
"And Dum-E," Tony agrees with a smile, and the robot makes a few happy noises. Loki laughs.
"You know, he says he loves you," He turns to Tony.
"If that's so, he earned some nice oil," Tony grabs the oil and applies some to Dum-E's joint. It doesn't stop making those mechanic noises and when Tony is over, Loki's smiling at him from the table.
"He still says he loves me, right?" Tony asks. Loki makes a slight nod, not abandoning his small smile.
"And that you are the best dad," He adds. Tony laughs and pets Dum-E before heading back to the table. But he still won't get too close to Loki, he is very strict with his personal space.
Loki grabs back the helmet and starts poking it around with the tool, now ignoring Tony.
"So, you don't feel like talking, huh?" Tony asks.
"If you mean the topic you want to talk about, then no," Loki snaps, not raising his eyes. Tony nods, he knows better than invading Loki's personal space.
And Loki didn't open his mouth for the rest of the night. The next morning, he would pretend nothing happened, but Tony would see how something changed in him. How his eyes darkened and his face became colder.
~~~
The next night, Loki is even more grumpy. So, Tony avoids speaking, or making anything that has even the slightest chance to irritate him.
"You're scared of me…" Loki finally speaks, his voice soft like a whisper and his fingers playing with the black ring on his ring finger. Tony looks up from the metal glove he's making to stare at Loki.
"Should I be scared?" Tony asks, careful not to say the wrong words.
"You are too picky about what you do around me. Why not do that if not because you are scared?" He answers. And this is where Tony lets himself frown and talks without thinking.
"Maybe because I don't want to make you feel bad?" He lets his words come out without filters. And Loki raises his eyebrow at it.
"Well, you don't lie about it. But why are you so dedicated to this?" He narrows his eyes and crosses his hands, body leaning towards Tony.
And now, he can't answer. Why does he care so much? It's not that they're old friends like with Rhodey or ex-s but still friends like with Pepper. They're not even teammates. Loki said it himself, he will leave after the one month Steve gave him.
So, why does Tony care so much?
"Hmm, nice answer…" Loki snarls and looks away, playing again with the other hand of the suit.
"You're a cold son of a whore, you know that?" Tony spits, his eyes stabbing Loki. He now raises his glare again, but he looks more confused than before.
"I beg your pardon?" He blinks.
"I try to be decent towards you, okay? The reasons behind it don't matter. Could be fear, guilt, interest, it means jack. And you question me on how I dare be decent towards you and why and what I want from you! You know what, I have a question for you. Why can't you accept being treated as a normal person? Are you that messed up in the brain or you just love so much being alone and miserable?" Tony lets his thoughts come out as they are, not giving a care how much they will hurt Loki. But the moment he sees Loki's reaction, he regrets it.
The room gets cold enough for Tony to see his breathing. Loki leaves the tools and the metal hand beside him and locks his feet on a tight fatal position, his hands on his face and pulling some hair with enough strength to pull them out and his shoulders rising and falling too fast.
And Tony knows what this means… It means he messed up badly.
"Crap! Hey, buddy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean those things…" He sprints closer. Loki raises his hand towards him, a green glow erupting from it and sending Tony flying to the other side of the lab.
Loki mutters something to this in Old Norse, before jumping up and leaving, his feet shaking as he was trying to walk towards the exit. But he manages to vanish in the dark corridor anyways.
And this time, Tony definitely messed up the worst way possible.
~~~
For the next two weeks, Loki doesn't get out of his room. And it only makes the knot in Tony's stomach grow tighter. He asks Thor all the time how Loki is, if he eats, if he sleeps, if he needs something. It's a wonder Thor hasn't grown tired of the constant questioning. And the answer is always the same, "I don't know, he won't let me in,".
And if everyone on the tower has learned something about Loki, is that things are bad when he keeps Thor at arm's length.
Tony wants to go and check on Loki himself, but he bets his right hand that Loki will spit curses at him, and he has every right to do so. So, he has to settle down on annoying Thor and worrying with him.
"You know what? It's my fault," Tony admits to Thor the night before Loki leaves. And Thor furrowed his eyebrows.
"What do you mean?"
Tony explains everything that happened that night, and Thor smiles with sympathy and touches Tony's neck.
"You were right on your words, that's why Loki reacted like this. He doesn't want people to know too much about him… But he won't be mad at you." He answers.
"But, why do I care so much? We barely know each other…" Tony asks.
"Have you thought of love?" Thor suggest. Tony is about to smack Thor for saying something like this, but it makes sense.
"Do… you don't happen to know if he's queer, right?" Tony makes the big question.
"I know very few Æsir who are not your definition of queer, but Loki was never open about those things. You better ask him…" He shrugs.
Well, Thor has a point. But Tony can't exactly ask Loki what his sexuality is while he's like this. So, he better wait till it's time.
"Thank you, Point Break…" Tony pats Thor's back. And then, JARVIS yells at them that Steve wants everyone in the central room.
And there is everyone here, even Loki. Well, an emotionally drained and mentally exhausted Loki, but he's there.
"As you know, your month has passed…" Steve begins talking, his Captain Voice on. Loki nods and lowers his shoulders to appear smaller.
"I'll be on my way, then…" He mutters, voice low and breaking. Steve wants to smile, but Loki's reaction stops him.
"So, you don't want to be an Avenger?" He lets his Captain mask fall, eyeing Loki with worry. And every single one of the Avengers is now doing the same. Tony hadn't realised that this antisocial emo little God had become so popular.
Loki lets his lips make a smile so big Tony bets it hurts like hell.
"You mean I can stay?" He asks, his voice now louder and livid.
"Can't see a reason to kick you out," Steve smiles too.
And Loki drags him to a hug tight enough to break the poor soldier in half, smiling like a sunbeam and rumbling thank you again and again.
"Alright, can you let me breathe?" Steve wheezes. Loki makes a small oh sound and lets go of the hug.
"Sorry, Steve," He hums, not breaking eye contact.
"Steve? Where's the "Rogers"?" Clint asks, his eyebrows raised and his hands signing along even though he wears his hearing aids.
"Well, since I'm about to stay, there's no point in calling you with your last names, is there?" Loki shrugs.
"Alright, you know what we need? A party. Who's with me?" Tony claps his hands and yells, glad to see everyone agreeing.
~~~
Apparently, being an alien God makes you hold your liquor a lot. Tony knew about Steve, but he didn't expect those two to have this stamina as well.
But Thor has started losing his balance and yelling at everyone how much he loves them in Old Norse and Loki's accent and stutter are showing, but he is just sitting on the bar and watching over the chaos.
This is your chance. He's happy and drunk enough, what could possibly go wrong? Tony thinks and stumbles towards Loki before he sits on a tall stool.
"So, are you having fun?" He asks, smiling at Loki and sipping on his scotch. It's fine, he's done this countless times before and he can do it now.
"It's quite nice, yes…" Loki hums, now turning to face Tony.
"And, em… Sorry about the other night… It was too much, should have been midler on ya," Tony mumbles, trying not to lower his eyes and break eye contact. Loki makes a soft nod.
"It's fine, you don't have to apologize… And you were quite right about some things…" He gives Tony a small smile as he talks, making him relax his shoulders a bit a mouth a thank you.
"And I wanna tell you something… I also talked to Thor about it… And I think… No, I'm pretty sure I have a crush on you. And, that's why the care and stuff…" Tony rumbles, his eyes big as he searches for reaction. But Loki stays untouched.
"I am… flattered… But I'm also asexual," He breathes out, staring back at Tony for a reaction.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't want to make it uncomfortable…" Tony rushes to apologize. Couldn't he see the black wedding ring? It's a symbol of asexuality!
"You know, things can work out platonically. I mean, you do start to grow on me…" Loki responds, smiling just a bit.
"Really? I mean, you don't mind?" Tony grins at the response, his eyes big at the God. Loki shrugs.
"Yeah, If you are okay with not getting laid with me…"
"Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!" Tony gives Loki an ear to ear smile and grabs his right hand, kissing gently the black ring.
Loki's cheeks and ears get bright red and he bites his lower lip. Tony is quick to let go of his hand.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable…" He chunters, now lowering his glare and playing with his glass.
"It was… nice…" Loki whispers, most likely to himself. But Tony still snaps his head up.
"Seriously?"
"Yes… And…" The red blush appears back in his cheeks as he fidgets with his sleeves. "It was the first time someone kissed me…"
"No way!" Tony exhales.
"I know, embarrassing…" Loki bites his lip again, breaking eye contact.
"I'm actually honoured. Not a lot of humans had the chance to steal the first kiss of a God, you know," Tony grins, hoping the joke is not that bad.
Loki reacts with a snorting sound and a light punch on the ribs, that sends Tony straight to the floor and makes the glass scatter in pieces.
"Oh, dear, are you alright?!" Loki squirts at Tony.
"I think I need a safeword…" Tony grunts.
He is sure that Loki will grimace on the joke, but instead, he giggles like a highschool girl.
"Most definitely yeah," He sighs, handing over an identical glass with the one they broke.
From the back of the room, no one sees Thor laughing as Steve sighs at the view of Loki and Tony and handing over the twenty dollars of the bet.
Rating: Gen
Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Pairings: Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson
Characters: Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson
Warnings: Internalized Acephobia,
Major Tags: Soulmates AU, Platonic Soulmates, Aromantic Sam Wilson, Aromantic Asexual Steve Rogers, Self-Esteem Issues, queerplatonic soulmates
Word count: 449
Summery: Steve finally meets his soulmates. It's not at all like he'd dreaded it would be.
For the:
✦ Marvellous Aces Bingo prompt “Soulmates... But just mates” [B1]
Read below or on AO3 >HERE<
Steve digs his fingers into his wrist, scratching the burning itch that was steadily growing under his skin. His wrist felt hot under his fingers like there was a little fire burning inside his bones. The skin tingles like thousands of little mosquitoes were stinging him at once.
His stomach drops as he realizes what was happening. Steve slowly turns his arm over, trying not to catch Natasha's attention in the driver's seat.
Steve lets out a shaky breath as he looks down at his wrist.
There it was. The beginning of a soul mark forming on his wrist. Meaning he'd just met his soulmate. If he was to guess, it was the Air Force guy he'd been talking to moments ago, Sam Wilson.
You were supposed to be excited to meet your soulmate. But Steve wasn't.
He had known something wasn't right with him since he was little, something that not even the serum could fix. He wasn't like anyone else he'd met.
Steve never was, and probably never will be, interested in dating, falling in love. Sex. All of it. None of it ever interested him. He didn't have that same push to find someone as everyone else did.
He just couldn't. It wasn't him.
But Steve didn't want to let his soulmate down.
Every single story he heard about soulmates growing up talked about the romance of it all. He knew he wouldn't be able to live up to what his soulmate would be expecting from him.
It was inevitable.
___
"So, you finally decided to show up," Sam says. "Thought I might have scared you away."
"Nah," Steve says, pushing his hands into his pockets. "Can't get rid of me that easily."
Steve's heart pangs at the relieved look that crosses over Sam's face. It hurts, knowing he was the one responsible. He should have come sooner. He shouldn't have left his soulmate to wait and worry if he'd rejected them after their first meeting.
"C'mon," Sam says, gesturing him into the house. "come on in"
As Sam waves him in, Steve notices a bracelet around his wrist. A simple band with five colors. Two greens, a white, a grey and a black. He recognizes it from one of the brochures SHIELD had given him.
Aromantic.
He still hadn't wrapped his head about what it meant. What most of the things in the brochure had meant, actually.
Sam notices his attention. "Maybe we should talk..." the man says.
"Yeah," Steve says. Maybe... Maybe there was hope for him. Them. He smiles at Sam, hoping the other man would find it reassuring. "We should."
Your new source for all aspec Marvel content. Be it asexual or aromantic spectrum, if you want to see more of aspec content in the Marvel fandom, this is your place! Join our discord!
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soon I’ve found a new bingo I’m now taking part in, a bingo which I especially like because it’s representation for a Part of the lgbtq+ Community that normally gets a little overlooked. It’s the marvel Aspec Bingo, and it’s super fun. It’s going until the 31 of December and everyone can participate as far as I can see.
Many might not now it but I myself consider myself to be aromatic, soo I love seeing others represent that.
this is my first submission for a prompt along the lines of : soulmates, but just mates
I think Bucky and Steve fit that perfectly, and as much as I love the stucky ship I do like myself some platonic soulmates
Also isn’t the height difference between Steve and Bucky just the cutest? I love them both so much!!!
A fill for the magoliday bingo: single parents... stay single
This time I drew Tony with little Morgan and Loki with Hela, or well at least some variation of her.
I think it’s stupid that everyone always assumes that u need a partner, especially to raise a child. I’m sure that it’s not easy but u can do it and u don’t need a partner in ur life.
on another note, why am I unable to ever fill to prompts that are next to each other? Like I NEVER do, I don’t think my brain has fully understood what the goal of a bingo is but oh well, at least I get cute images out of it.
Warnings: mentions of nightmares, smoking, breakdowns and lactose intolerance.
Characters: aro!Bucky ace!Loki (also genderfuid)
Summary: After the end of the Avengers, some kept fighting and some retired. Bucky was too tired to keep going, and he wanted the normal life. But he didn't expect the God of Mischief asking for the same thing
Notes: I made the Bingo! This was so tough to write but I really love the results!
Read On AO3
The Avengers are now in the past, after the Big Battle with Thanos. Some have gone offworld, some keep fighting and some just stop and try to leave a normal life. They are too tired to keep fighting. And Bucky is one of them.
After the battle, and after Steve handed his legacy over Sam, Bucky promised himself a normal and calm life. Sam respected it and asked for no help, even if things go bad. He pays a visit once a week and stays in touch.
Bucky now works in a small coffeeshop, and rents a small apartment. It's simple and cozy, he likes it. And he likes his simple life with his friendly co-workers and nice customers and he even gets laid if he's lucky enough. He falls in love with this kind of life.
One day, on a rainy night of November, he hears a knock on the door. He doesn't bother fetching his metal hand as he crosses the room and opens it.
And he finds Loki outside, wet and shivering. He never liked rain, says that water can compromise his cold resistance.
"Come in, you must be freezing," Bucky opens the door and moves aside. Loki nods and smiles, kicking his boots out after his feet meet the carpet.
And Loki never mentions Asgard. They didn't mention it as much before Ragnarok, but now they act as if it never existed. And suddenly, they make traditional soups.
"Th-thank you…" Loki smiles.
"Don't mention it. Take that thing on, will ya? Settle near the radiator, over the couch, I'll make you something warm to drink, okay?" Bucky replies, pointing at the soaking wet coat Loki's wearing. He makes a small nod and does as he was told, watching Bucky as he fetches his hand and heads to the kitchen. He knows that he shouldn't give him tea or coffee, it's quite late and Loki's an insomniac, so he settles down with chocolate. Well, he has a big sweet tooth, why not enjoy a nice warm cup of chocolate?
He goes back to the couch, smiling just a bit when he sees Loki covered with the blanket like a burrito. Loki takes the cup, holding it to warm up his hands before he takes a long sip.
"Th-thank you, it's q-q-quite g-good," He smiles, his shivering chin making his stutter appear.
"Again, don't mention it. What brought you here?" Bucky relaxes on the other side of the couch, his eyes on Loki. Last time he remembers, Loki was fighting.
"I couldn't move past Tony… it, it went bad, even when I was fighting. All nightmares and flashbacks and I… I think it's killing me. I wanna get out of this, retire. It's just too much, I can't take it anymore," He admits, his voice trembling again but not because of the cold. Bucky reaches out to his hand, a tight grip on it with his fleshed limp. And Loki leaves a small smile.
"And, I thought if you could use a roommate…" He finishes his answer.
"To be honest, it does get a bit boring without some idiots yelling at toasters," Bucky smiles.
"Bread should not be flying!" Loki spits, and Bucky laughs at it. But Loki also lets his lips twist upwards.
"You can stay for how long you want. But we will have to get a bigger apartment, this one has only one bedroom," Bucky answers.
"Let me rest for tonight and it will have a second bedroom tomorrow," Loki eyes the former soldier. He almost forgets about his magic. "But I can settle down on the couch tonight, it's comfy," He smiles. Bucky smiles too, he really doesn't feel like abandoning the apartment, he worked so hard to make it the way it is.
And they start to catch up with each other, while they have the energy to stay up. But they both grow tired and end up muttering goodnight and going to sleep.
For Bucky, it was a normal Saturday sleep, when he knows his alarm clock won't wake him up. But Loki hadn't slept with such peacefulness since Tony died.
~~~
"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY HAIRBRUSH?" Bucky yells from the bathroom.
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I TAKE YOUR HAIRBRUSH? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU BRUSH THIS SHIT UNTIL NOW!" Loki yells back from the kitchen.
"LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT. IF YOU EVER DISRESPECT MY HAIR LIKE THA- Nevermind, I found it," Bucky mutters the last few words. And Loki hears him perfectly. Because they are 7 feet apart. They didn't need to yell at each other.
"Good for you. Now stop blaming me whenever you lose something," Loki answers, waiting for the soldier to appear on their viewing field. And he did. But they now sigh and pay more attention to the food they're cooking.
"Alright, I'm sorry," Bucky hums, Loki making only a throaty sound as an answer. "What're you making? It smells nice," He asks, moving towards the kitchen to peek at the pot.
"It's a traditional stew on Asgard, you'll see," Loki smiles, but actually means "no peeking until I'm done".
Usually, Bucky was the one doing the cooking. Loki is a better cook, they use a lot of seasoning and know which one goes where, but they don't like it as much. In fact, Bucky can swear they only cook when stressed, as if they try to distract themselves with the smell of whatever they throw into the food.
And they basically talk through the night, with interruptions when Loki is rushing to the bathroom and returning like they had to give birth over there. At least until they both grow tired and fall asleep, right beside to each other. For the first time in days, no screaming and waking up in the middle of the night occurs.
Bucky sighs, trying to find something else to focus on. Something other than Loki's odd behaviour the last days, with the ongoing silence and numbness. Other than the sudden Æsir cooking. Other than the smoking they pretend it doesn't happen, like Bucky doesn't recognize the smell of tobacco in them. Something other than the screaming he hears in the middle of the night and knows that he can't help because Loki tends to lean towards the fight response and Bucky cannot fight back without hurting them.
And he knows where those things lead to. It's not the first time that Loki started going south after Tony. And the previous one was ugly, by all means. What if this one turns out to be ugly too?
"What are you thinking of?" Loki asks, their voice carefully soft. Bucky tries to appear calm, it's not worth worrying Loki too.
"Nothing special…" He shrugs, avoiding eye contact. But he hears Loki sighing and moving the pot before they walk on the couch and sit beside him.
"Is that why you are so worried? Come on, speak it up. Weren't you saying that we should talk about what is bothering us?" They are still soft, like Bucky's the elephant in the room. They were always like this, prefer to soothe others than speak about their issues.
"I'm just worried…" Bucky admits. This will not end pretty…
"Do you want to say what is worrying you?" Loki sits closer, big green eyes staring at him. The dark circles that start creeping around them making them brighter.
"Nah, it's not worth it…" Bucky regrets it and stares elsewhere, gazing at the asexual and aromatic flags hanging on the doors of the two bedrooms. And Loki makes a small tutting sound.
"You can just say you don't feel like talking, lies weren't needed," They argue.
"Says the god of them," Bucky thinks out loud. He shouldn't have said that.
The room gets cold, something Bucky knows is happening because Loki loses some control of their Frostbite when overwhelmed. They stand up and go back to the kitchen, speaking only to inform him that the dinner is ready with a dead voice.
Bucky follows them with hesitance, waiting for them to fill a bowl with the brownish stew before he serves himself and settles on the chair opposite to them.
The stew is nice. The taste of meat is strong and the seasoning makes it kind of sweet. Not exactly Bucky's taste, but he doesn't mind it. Loki plays with the pieces of meat inside it, his right hand holding his head.
"It's nice," He mutters, hoping he can make a small smile appear.
"It's shit," Loki argues, letting the spoon fall on the bowl as they stare at it with disgust. And then, they cover their face with their hands, their rapid breathing echoing.
"Hey, it's just some stew," Bucky tries to soothe them down but they stand up and pace to their room, the door slammed behind them. Bucky wants to follow, walk in and hug them tight and soothe them down. But it's wiser to give them some space.
He tries to finish his own meal, but his appetite is long gone. So, he empties the bowls back in the pot and washes the dishes, trying to think of what to do. He can already feel the apartment going colder and colder, and it's never a good thing.
Maybe if he finds something to cheer up Loki? They like sweets, maybe a cake. Thank God there's a candy store down the road, it will be maybe ten minutes on foot.
Loki doesn't react when Bucky opens the door and leaves, they probably don't even care. Bucky's lucky enough to find a dark chocolate cake, their favourite flavor, and it's cheap enough to buy it. And Loki is still locked in the room when he returns with the dessert.
"Hey, can you please let me in. Just wanna check on ya, you know," Bucky knocks the door. The handle twists and the door opens after a blanket of frost covers it. But, Loki's magic is like a green light that acts like smoke…
Loki is sitting on the corner of the bed, the room around them covered with a thin layer of ice. They have dropped every illusion, even the Æsir one. They do it plenty of times in an attempt to get used to it, or when they can't control the seiðr. They smile just so, fags showing, as they light out a smoke on an ashtray.
"Will you stand there?" They ask, voice dead. There are no tears in their ruby eyes, not trembling from the crying. They just look numb.
Bucky nods and sits on the other side of the bed, placing the box in front of him and a fork above it. "I thought you would like some cake…" He hums, inspecting Loki as they glance at the box.
"Thank you," They try to smile but their face disagrees. They take the box to their lap and open it, frost appearing on the paper that touches him and the fork.
"So, do you feel like speaking?" Bucky asks. They hate showing it, but they love talking and it actually helps them a lot.
"It's just some homesickness. Don't worry, it will pass…" They shrug one shoulder and take a bite of the cake. Their lips twist upwards, a good sign, and they place the box between them and Bucky, a second fork appearing in their hand.
"Oh, thank you," Bucky smiles and takes it, not minding the freezing cold of Bucky's skin. "So, it's about Asgard or the Avengers," He asks.
"Kind of both, somehow… and, it's also the nightmares, as usual. But they're manageable," They lie. After years with them, Bucky knows when they lie. And, most important, he knows when to demand the truth and when not.
"Well, if you feel like it will help, you can come over for snuggles and emotional support." He suggests. Loki smiles and nods, staying silent as they focus on the cake. Can you blame them? They haven't eaten properly for days. But Bucky does give them a look when he realises how fast they devoured the dessert.
"Wait, did you ask for lactose free?" They ask, after making the box vanish. And Bucky forgot to ask.
"Shouldn't you also ask before you eat the whole thing?" He also asks, his worry about how much Loki's small intestine shall suffer tonight growing.
"So, we are both idiots," Loki comes to a conclusion, finding Bucky agreeing.
"Basically, yes… and, I think I should suffer with you tonight, right?" He asks.
"Definitely, just lay near the wall, you don't want to be between me and the toilet," They respond, freeing the space of the bed they meant. Bucky got his metal hand out, he doesn't like sleeping with it on, and lay where he was instructed to, Loki laying beside him.
