#gettingovergluten

[gettingovergluten]

Pardon my interruption of your Sunday night dinner but Sweetgreen has the COOLEST WEBSITE EVER.

When you enter the online ordering system, you're greeted with a big button that says “Any Dietary Restrictions?” Once you click, the six most common allergens appear.

After selecting "GLUTEN" (obvs) and closing out the window, I was blown away by what I saw: each dish that had gluten in it, had a red exclamation point with "Contains Gluten!" stamped next to it. As a Seamless addict, this is the user experience I've always dreamed of, but never received. Why can't every online ordering service/restaurant website have this?!

If you’re in the NYC area (or any other area where the divine Sweetgreen exists) do yourself a favor and order from this website.

[gettingovergluten]

Confession: I Have Terrible Will Power

No this isn’t about gluten. This is actually about a little condition called IBS that I was lucky enough to develop this year. Sometimes (scratch that, a lot of times) when I go out with my friends I yearn for my life before I found out everything inside of me is broken. No, I don’t want the incessant bathroom trips back, but I do crave those carefree days of eating whatever the fuck I wanted with little consequence (well, there were consequences, but I didn’t know why so I ate everything regardless. Ignorance is bliss, eh?). So, I more often than not allow myself to indulge.

The problem is, indulging often leads to major problems for me and lil ol’ IBS. Case in point: yesterday a bunch of my boyfriends’ college friends and I got drunch. I’ve come to learn, the hard way, that alcohol and IBS don’t mix well at all, but I can withstand one to two drinks before all hell breaks loose. So at this drunch, which offered bottomless creatively flavored mimosas, I went for five. I was having fun and was all “treat yoself” (plus, Macondo’s Guanabana Elderflower Mimosa is the bomb). As for the food, I went for an equally rich helping of polenta, chorizo, sunny side up eggs, mushrooms, truffle butter and manchego. Now that I typed that out I can see how dumb it was to order it in the first place. So I divulged, and enjoyed, and felt fine. But then, these friends and I were drunk, and it was hot out and we wanted ice cream … Big Gay Ice Cream. Who am I to deny myself some Salty Pimp in a gluten free cone?

After I slurped down the chocolate, caramel, salt, and vanilla-y goodness I went home to prep gluten free chicken parm for some friends coming over. And I may have cut myself a slice of the mozzarella for every slice of chicken I placed one on.

As you can imagine by now, the second Game of Thrones ended fire was coming out of my backside stronger that Drogon’s breathe. And honestly, it’s 110% my fault.

I’m not the victim here – I’m the enabler. I spent the whole day being all “treat yoself” without thinking of the consequences. Because once you’re diagnosed with clear-cut digestive disorders, you need to constantly think about the effects of your actions. I think the problem is that I spend so much of my time thinking and worrying about my food, and (believe it or not) exerting extreme will power, that when I’m out in social situations I yearn for some semblance of normalcy and lay off the bathroom anxiety for a few hours. It’s not an excuse, but I think I go extra hard some days (to the detriment of my intestines and toilet) because I just want to be able to do what I used to be able to do. No matter the cost.

[gettingovergluten]

How to Survive Summer BBQs

Glory glory hallelujah -- summer is here! And with the warmer weather months comes some of the best joys life has to offer: breezy sundresses, frozen cocktails, and the summer BBQ. I know, I know, you get it: summer is awesome. But as someone who is celiac, summer presents a whole slew of obstacles, namely barbecues, during which friends throw slabs of meat and an array of bread products onto a shared grill for group consumption. It's basically everything a celiac fears about group gatherings X 100. Don’t worry, though, just because you can't consume gluten doesn't meant you can't enjoy a sunny backyard gathering like the rest of 'em. Here, t you can survive all of those summer BBQs filling up your June - August weekends.

1. BYOS (bring your own snacks)

If you've been gluten-free for more than one day than you've learned that more likely than not you're bringing back-up snacks with you wherever you go. It sucks -- like really sucks -- not to be able to stick your hand into a bowl of questionable chips like you just don't care and eat with nothing but carefree thoughts in your mind. But that's the reality of the situation and to avoid getting sick as a dog or leave the party you're attending starving you're going to want to have a least a KIND bar to nosh on.

2. Bring a Bag O' Pills

I already gushed about why I never travel without a bag o’ pills and this applies to every day life too. To put it simply: I never leave my house without emergency meds like Zofran and Imodium, and a BBQ is special cause for such drugs. Most likely you won't need them, but if you've been glutened you'll be glad you brought them.

3. Talk to the Host

If you're close with the person throwing this shindig, make your fears be known. If anything you'll be able to get the scoop on what will be served and whether or not you'll need to bring those backup snacks. Most likely, too, the host will gladly offer gluten free-friendly cuisine once he or she has been educated on the severity of your predicament. At the very least, once you’ve arrive at the party, you should explain your dietary restrictions and ask about ingredients in and preparation of each meal. This way, at least, you'll know what's what and can make a judgement call from there.

4. Have an Exit Strategy

We've all been there: a sharp pang hits hard in your gut and panic breaks out. How in the world will you make it home before all hell breaks loose in your pants. As someone who just recently experienced the most horrifying experience known to man -- having explosive s#%*s on an LIRR thanks to our friend gluten -- this is key. Sure, we don't want to live life like were going to constantly get glutened, but we kind of have to. Trust me, you don't want to be like yours truly and explode all the way home to NYC in front of your friends because you weren't prepared. Sure, attending a party on Long Island when you're from the city leaves little room for an emergency escape route, but I did make the last minute decision to go to my boyfriend’s in Murray Hill rather than my own apartment in Brooklyn. If you're going somewhere more local though, mentally map the location of the bathrooms and an exit strategy should you get sick, so that the day doesn't all go to s&$* ... Literally.

[gettingovergluten]

Dinner tonight: balsamic mushroom chicken. So friggin' delicious and, yes, actually very easy to make (not like those recipes that say easy and actually take an hour). Sauté mushrooms in olive oil and garlic for about five minutes. Add a handsome amount of balsamic vinegar, a dash of white wine and a dash of Dijon mustard. Throw in cut up pieces of chicken and finish off with thyme. I chose to put it over wild rice but it would go with practically any grain. My taste buds are cheering right now.

[gettingovergluten]

Chronicle Books Great Tumblr Book Search

Proposed Title:

Getting Over Gluten: One Rookie Celiac’s Guide to Not Sh*t Your Pants in Public Synopsis:

Part food memoir part how-to, Getting Over Gluten is the no-BS guide to living gluten-free in today’s confusing landscape of labels and fad diets. This book will feature real talk about gluten, its consequences for those with celiac, and how to live without the foodstuff our society is obsessed with.

Getting Over Gluten will be divided into five sections: Before I Stopped Eating Gluten (pre-gluten free war stories like the time I traveled to Paris for a romantic weekend with a new boyfriend and was relegated to the bathroom thanks to baguettes), Diagnoses and Other Medical Mumbo Jumbo, Going Gluten-Free, #CeliacProblems, and Gluten-Free Hacks. Sprinkled in between each section will be recipes, listicles, and funny cartoons.

Not only will this book speak to the 1 million (and growing!) people with celiac disease in the United States, it will debunk all of the nonsense in the media and food industry about what gluten really is and who needs to be eliminating it. And let’s face it, even if you don’t need to get rid of gluten (lucky bastard!) you’re probably curious about it (if I had a penny for every time someone asked me what actually happens when I eat gluten…).

Examples of what will be included in Getting Over Gluten:

For the book's cover I envision the emoji of the girl with her hand over her shoulder emoji holding a big gluten-filled donut. It would look something like this:

Here are some excerpts from the essays I’m working on:

#CeliacProblems: TheThings You’ll Never Stop Missing After Going Gluten-Free

“Time does ease the blow of no longer eating a bacon egg and cheese on an everything bagel (dear god, what I would do to be able to eat one), but there will forever be a dull ache in the back of your brain for just a damn sandwich. Like, a real sandwich….”

Gluten-Free Hacks: Drunchies

"The Saddest Pizza: This delectable dish is the result of random shit in my refrigerator. Almost always I have at least one slice of Udi’s multigrain bread, a jar of Newman’s Own tomato sauce (if I don’t have that then I definitely have Sweet Baby Ray’s) and shredded cheddar cheese (which, on it’s own, also serves as a separate, even more pathetic drunchie delight – you know you love pouring shredded cheese into your mouth too). Ok so making a sad, sad pizza is actually very easy: you put the slice of bread on a plate, dump a bunch of sauce onto it and even more cheese on top. Pop into the microwave for a minute (no more!) and Voi La! You’ve got a saggy, sauce-drenched, oozy slice of cheesy drunk goodness. You’re welcome."

#CeliacProblems: Group Dinners Are Actually my Worst Nightmare

"Luckily, I didn’t blow chunks at my ritzy staff dinner. I ran downstairs to the bathroom, a light sweat coating my skin and my heart beat leaping out of my chest. I ran back upstairs and grabbed my bags and burst through the door to get a cab. Not before making a panicked announcement that probably made everyone think I was schizophrenic.

The whole cab ride I begged myself not to puke. I’ve already thrown up in one too many cabs from gluten, and it’s as horrifying as you’d expect — especially after you swear you’re not drunk and they then ask you if you’re pregnant (it’s happened – twice). I somehow made it, but the second I arrived at my destination hours of pain and misery followed. By the time I was done, my whole body felt like it had the migraine, throbbing incessantly.”

[gettingovergluten]

First meal in NOLA was a Louisianan omelette -- gulf shrimp, cheddar and thyme -- with a side of grits and the biggest mimosa I've ever seen at the Red Slipper. Best part though was that they were super accommodating and made my omelette in a separate pan!

[ljfrankfort]

There's a reason Friedman's is my favorite. #GlutenFree Thanksgiving sandwich for the win! (It's messy, but heavenly). #gettingovergluten #friedmansnyc #lunchaldesko #latergram

[gettingovergluten]

It’s been two of those days where everything I eat makes me blow up like a blimpie (not to mention the abdominal pain). I’m pretty convinced that sometimes my digestive system is just like:

"Hello, I’m out out of office until January 16. If this is an emergency you’re screwed. Sincerely, your digestive system. P.S. I deserve an effin’ break after all you’ve put me through."

Cool, thanks guys.