God-Devouring Serpent & Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy.
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God-Devouring Serpent & Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy.
Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy
Ranking All Elden Ring Bosses by Fuckability
It was only a matter of time until I made a post like this. (And an equally horrible post featuring the DLC bosses.)
In this hypothetical all of the bosses can be reasonably communicated with and are not actively trying to kill you.
Repeat bosses not included, duo bosses counted seperate.
It should also be assumed that all of these bosses have access to their magic/items/resources to benefit them in bed.
Explanation of Grading system:
Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)
These characters are not sentient enough to communicate consent, or are physically incapable of sex.
Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)
Character sucks so badly that they do not deserve to experience pleasure in any shape or form.
Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)
These character are fully capable of sex but would never participate in sex due to lack of interest or overabundance of moral convictions.
Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)
I mean, you COULD have sex with these characters but why would you?
Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)
These characters are average in bed, nothing crazy or noticeable. Some might end up in this category because they ARE good at sex, but the entire process would be inconvenient or uncomfortable to initiate.
Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)
These characters are good at sex, give or take a few points depending on their mood or situation.
Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)
These characters excel in giving pleasure and would be well worth the time and effort involved.
Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)
These characters would be so good at sex that all other factors are irrelevant. They are serving and we are here for it.
Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)
These are characters that should fall lower in the rankings, but their sexual prowess supersedes their inherent awfulness to a noteworthy degree.
Full list below the read more. Obviously it's not going to be sfw.
God-Devouring Serpent [Elden Ring] vs. Rokume [Beastars]
Best Fictional Snake Tournament: Round 1N, Poll 5/8
God-Devouring Serpent [Elden Ring]
Rokume [Beastars]
Propaganda (if any) under the cut! Please be civil, and please reblog!
so i used to be the person who cleaned the chandeliers in praetor rykard's cave. one time i fell down my big ladder, made a sort of whimper sound and heard someone say “faggot.” when i turned to lord rykard he was like "oh i'm so sorry please forgive my god-devouring serpent, she's just very old and out of touch." i was like whatever. anyway it's been a few years now and i just realized the god-devouring serpent can't speak,
How I haven't realised this sooner?? Eiglay and Winged Serpent (the OG one) served GEQ at some point and are the source of her serpentine connection!
Rya and other man-serpents born by Eiglay have notable green eyes but so do winged serpents attached to Messmer! And Gelmir has multiple statues of winged serpents, even if with bird wings rather than bat ones. Green eye has to be Eiglay's "gene", and herself having golden eyes might be just because she devoured Rykard!
God-devouring is not a far cry from god-skinning
Both GEQ's sword and Scadutree (+it's avatar) are two lines/vines respectively overlapping onto each other... you know, like two snakes! GEQ's Death is called "forbidden shadow" and was plucked from Golden Order upon its creation, and Scadutree is literal shadow of the Erdtree. Also "with gold, shadow too was born"
The snake that is associated with traitor of the Erdtree as revealed by the drip of Godfrey's Duelists can't be Messmer since back in Godfrey's era, he was still a honoured hero for the Lands Between. Meanwhile, GEQ is connected with serpents: Nobles do have snake tails, the sickle of Apostles features serpentine design and one of the Nobles is in Eiglay's temple...
There is Eiglay's skin in the Land of Shadow
Like maybe Eiglay and Winged Serpent tend to serve the "leader" person, a lot like how Primordial Serpents would in Dark Souls? Elden Ring was owned by others before Marika but the death was still part of the Elden Ring before her, and what she did was allowing the split.
So whereas Eiglay and Winged Serpent are of similar nature (siblings?) and served the owner of the Elden Ring to slay the rivals of their authority / to protect their order from enemies respectively, GEQ got the kids serpents upon Elden Ring divorce fsjhfhd XD "Betrayal" of the serpent also means that trust was put into GEQ, so just like with the serpents she not only slayed gods (not DEMI-gods!) but also protected the Erdtree! Until she was no more, and the role of the one who carries Death was taken to Shadowbeasts instead. (to think of it, the concept has devolved under Marika's reign...)
And so Eiglay and Winged Serpent lost their powers and purpose too, when Eiglay died and returned as a tiny snake yet again and the OG Winged Serpent was not seen anymore. I will need to make the essentially same post but with pictures later but I've connected the dots. I've connected them
so it looks like the God-Devouring Serpent became the Got-Devoured Serpent
*the audience boos and I am dragged offstage*
straight couple for gay people