'cause I know that it's delicate (GRE's version) -> Mob!Rafe x Fem!Reader - Rafe oneshots
tw: allusion to nsfw, drinking
Summary: Will jealousy lead to what you finally want? -> Minors DNI 18+
As soon as you entered his apartment, you heard the familiar sound of yelling.
“You have to be fucking kidding me right now,” he said into the phone.
As you made your way to the living room from the sound of his voice, where he was no doubt pacing as he continued to talk to whoever was on the other end of the line, and by his patronizing tone, you had a feeling it was Topper.
Topper had only come around the apartment a few times, never to hang out, just to talk to Rafe about things that apparently couldn’t be discussed over the phone. The first time he came over was when your initial inkling of Rafe being in trouble was confirmed, but you weren’t quite sure what he was embroiled in. What you did know was that it seemed very involved and very dangerous. Yet you didn’t stay away because, against your better judgment, you were in love with Rafe, not that you’d ever tell him that. What the two of you had was delicate. One wrong move, and it could shatter into a million pieces, and you weren’t sure how to deal without him in your life.
Days passed, and quickly, you found yourself entwined with one another after work, and eventually, days turned into weeks, and suddenly, the two of you were starting TV shows together and making dinner together. Months later, you spent most of your time with him, yet whatever was going on between you wasn’t defined.
You’d only asked him once, and he artfully eluded answering the question by changing the topic. How he turned to you asking about whatever this situationship was about, you going on about your favorite show, you weren’t sure. After that, you never asked again because his response was telling, and you weren’t ready for this to end.
It was also when your irrational side took over as you started to think that maybe he was hooking up with other girls. Realistically, you knew the chances were low considering how much time the two of you spent together, but you weren’t sure what he did when you were at work, especially since he worked from home, only having to go into the office a few times a month.
You knew better, you really did, but the thought of him being with other girls was something you were actively trying to suppress when you were trying to focus at work or when you were sitting right next to him. Which is why when Dylan asked you if you wanted to get drinks after work so you could meet his girlfriend, you jumped at the idea.
It had been a while since you’d been to a bar, let alone drinking, but maybe just for a night, having a few drinks and hanging out with friends would calm the voices in your head.
You had already made it to the entrance of the bar when your phone started to play an instrumental version of Delicate, it was a little too on the nose, but you still set it as his ringtone, but you were surprised he was calling.
“Hello?” you questioned
“Where are you?”
“I’m walking into a bar… Why?” you asked.
“I thought you were coming here.”
“We didn’t make any plans, and someone from work invited me out, so I figured why not.”
“Who invited you?” he questioned
“Dylan...” you trailed, unsure what he was trying to get at.
“The Dylan that asked you out?” he questioned
“The same one…why?”
“No reason,” he said before hanging up.
You weren’t sure what his deal was, but tonight you were just going to enjoy yourself, and as soon as you saw Dylan’s table, you headed towards the booth he occupied, set on having a great time and getting him out of your head.
“I’m glad you could make it!” Dylan smiled before he introduced you to the girl sitting next to him, “This is Amy.”
“I’m so excited to meet you!” you said as you leaned over the table to give her a quick hug.
“All good things, I hope,” she smiled.
“Of course! He told me a little bit about your research. If you don’t mind, I’d love to hear more about it from you because the methodology is also a unique approach for this type of research.” you asked
As she started to talk about her research, you could see the tension melting away as she found herself in familiar territory, and when you briefly glanced at Dylan, he offered you a thankful smile. He’d told you about how anxious she was to meet you, and the last thing you wanted was for her to be anxious about the three of you grabbing drinks, so you asked her a question that you knew would help her relax and would also take up a chunk of time, and it turns out it was working.
The evening was going great until you heard a familiar voice behind you.
“I don’t want to impede here, but would you mind if I joined you guys?” he asked with a smile, but you saw past that. You knew that his question lacked any sincerity.
And before anyone at the table could even respond to his question, he had already scooted into your side of the booth before throwing his on the backside of the booth, just inches away from where your back was.
Rafe was just good like that. He’s able to get away with glib questions or answers like that, with the other person completely missing the lack of sincerity behind his words and smile.
“Rafe, right?” Dylan asked.
“The very one.” he smirked, “So…How’s date night?” as he looked between you and Dylan.
“Rafe,” you admonished before continuing, “This is Dylan’s girlfriend, Amy…”
“That’s my bad. When she told me she was hanging out with Dylan, I just assumed it was a date since he asked her out a while ago.” he chuckled.
Shaking your head slightly, you apologized to them and excused yourself and Rafe from the table, all but pushing him out of the booth so you could get out as well.
“Follow me,” you mumbled as you made your way to the empty spot in the back.
Turning around to face him, “What was that!” you questioned.
Rolling his eyes, “I should be asking you that because If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought this was a date.”
“Yeah, well, you know better.” you scoffed, “And even If it was a date, why would it matter? It’s not like we’re together.” you stated before continuing, “Besides, even if I was dating, it’s not like you’re not going out with other girls.”
“I would never betray you like that,” he said firmly.
“How would I know that? Like I said, Rafe, we’re not dating.” you countered.
“Don’t be an idiot.”
Sighing, you stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm yourself down because as much as you wanted to mitigate his feelings, you were beyond pissed. He has no right to come in here and act this way.
“If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t spend almost every moment I can with you. I wouldn’t tell you about my day and how Topper’s always badgering me about shit.”
Cutting him off, you said, “But I barely know anything about what you do!” you exclaimed, “You tell me you share everything with me, but I don’t even know what you do during the day! It’s always vague answers, and the occasional times when you ask me to corroborate something for you and Topper, you don’t even tell me why. You just tell me not to worry about it. Yet, for some goddamn reason, I still do it.”
“It’s just better if you don’t know. You don’t need to be fucking involved with that shit. Besides, you know the shit that matters. You know what I like, how I feel, there’s so much I share with you that I’ve never shared with anyone else. I know it’s probably not what you want, but it’s the best I can do.”
“But I am involved, Rafe! I know what you do probably isn’t above the board, but I have no idea what kinda shit you’re into.” lowering your voice, “You could be a murder for all I know.”
Looking down at his shoes, Rafe broke eye contact with you, and the silence spoke louder than any words he could have said. Of course, he’s probably killed someone, and for all you know, you could’ve given an alibi for it. Yet, you were still standing here before him, unafraid that he’d do something to you.
Years ago, if someone told you you’d be standing in front of a miscreant like Rafe, you would have laughed in their face, but here you were, convinced that if it was anyone else, you would have already gone to the authorities, but Rafe was an anomaly that you’d throw everything out the window for.
Letting out a deep breath against your better judgment, you said the words that you’d been thinking for months, “I love you… I don’t know why, but I do.”
His head snapped up at your words, eyes wide, and his mouth parted a bit. The disbelief was evident in the way he was looking at you.
Slowly, a grin replaced the confusion on his face as he repeated the words that you’d been dying to hear for months.
“Get your coat, we’re going home.”
Nodding, you made your way to the table and apologized to Dylan and Amy before shrugging your coat on and making your way toward Rafe, who was waiting for you by the door.
Taking your hand in his, you stepped outside into the crisp air, and it felt like a new start.
How it felt today, when suddenly something clicked inside my head and I began to see patterns in the questions relating to speed/distance/time.
Me, realizing that the tougher and harder the training, the greatest the chance of victory in real battle.
I’ve failed at almost every single question I’ve attempted (and they aren’t easy questions meant to be solved in 90 seconds flat). I used to be sad and disheartened… until today. It finally hit me that if I can “git gud” at solving these, the scrub-tier questions on the actual GRE would be simple cannon fodder to me.
If I have to fail at every single question… then so be it. I’ll fail harder. I’ll fail faster. Every time I fail I’ll get 0.50% better. I’ll learn SOMETHING I didn’t know before. I’ll keep on keeping on until I don’t fail anymore. Isn’t that what people refer to when they use the word “resolve” as a verb?
I faced my own fears about getting diagnosed with ADHD, but I did it. I’ve struggled with math and academia for the longest time… but I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS. This… being a psychologist… this is what I was born to do. Of that, I’m sure. So I’ll face whatever the hell life throws my way head-on. I am not alone. I will not back down. I’m all-in.
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” — Sun Tzu, The Art of War
pchem lecture was cancelled, quiz was moved to monday, and im indifferent. i have less than a month to get my shit together for my grad apps and im realizing that i still have so much to get done. however, i've been trying to work on grad app stuff for 30 mins/day and its been proving fruitful. makes the work way less daunting. its annoying that my McNair program requires us to apply to 7 different graduate programs but i signed up for it SOOOOO what can i say
retaking the GRE on saturday and im not excited but thats me with any stupid standardized test so what's new?
Went cross country skiing with my boyfriend yesterday so no work pictures but I cleaned up my room when I got back and did some more reading. Today’s progress:
French (from earlier this morning)
GRE math prep
Bullet journaling
Apple eating
Going to work on Spanish and reading the One Straw Revolution this afternoon 📚
