#halluncinations

[psychoticsposts]

I love it when you tell people about your hallucinations/delusions because they ASKED and they immeaditly go: 'oh...okay... Well, anyways!' And continue talking about the most randomest stuff. Its weird.

[psychoticsposts]

I hate when i cant listen to music without thinking or hearing some kind of subliminal message in it. I just want to listen to this dumb song about needing no man but noo there is someone saying in the backround music that im being watched

[riotatthemovies]

Hallucinations (1986)

The home made shot on video movie that the Polonia Brothers almost never released. Made at home when the folks were away at age 17. This is what SOV is all about, weirdo artists doing what they want and half making it up as they go along. Weird all the way. With Todd Smith as their third brother, probably cause grew a bad teenage mustache like the brothers, making him look kinda like Jeffrey Dahmer. I wonder what happened to Smith as he was in all their unreleased early stuff and in major release was only seen in Splatter Farm.  Originally the only way most people saw Hallucinations was as a bonus feature on the Splatter Farms collectors dvd. Scenes from Hallucinations are used in SplatterFarm, mainly the scene where John... or was it Mark.. poops out a knife and cuts there but hole up.Anyways three brothers (one adopted) all start to hallucinate insane events driving them crazy as they are stuck at home on a night that never seems to end. Artistry and weird and legit the young John and Mark Polonia act more intense in this then most of their movies.

 They made a lot of movies. If you dont know of the back yard film maker legends of bad movies called the Polonia brothers I feel you need to look them up and I ask what brought you to reading my stuff if you didnt know. Fair enough. Its like a home movie you just found made by legit crazy children. I actually liked it even if no effect looked real at all it didnt matter. This is art who cares if you dont get it. Lots of coughing up blood until magically Mark Polonia loses his teenage mustache to save the day... no seriously I feel thats what happened.. I think? Anyways like I said this is art , art with fake wood paneling all over the place in a part of American so warmed by snow plows and tuques you'd think it was Canadian.

Up next Death Metal Zombies wwooooooooo

[geminitwinkle]

Correlation? Causality? Hallucination? Reality.

I have known I hallucinate now for almost 22 yrs. Not the little flicker as you fall asleep (hypnagogia). Not ghosts. Not fucked up on drugs ( though the right substance can really bring it out more). very common has been bugs, small mammals ( cats, mice, and the sorts) and adult male humans.  When I first became aware of these things I was very scared. My real fear of spiders and insects where pushed into heightened state by this. My fear for my safety, especially pertaining to men, was also escalated. Thankfully I never have been scared for cats, mice or bunnies. most of these hallucinations moved- quickly. like fleeting from me. as time went of the shifted to the periphery of my vision and decreased in frequency; Not unlike my other symptoms: nightmares, irrational anxieties and fears, flash backs, insomnia. But unlike my other symptoms- I never told anyone I had them. the sacred me the most so i figured they would scare other people too.

Then they stopped. It all stopped; the night mare, the flashbacks, I felt free. it was about 2.5 yrs ago. It had been taping off over the years ever so slowing. it’s like someone who is withering away in front of you. You don’t notice they have lost 20 lbs. But for someone who has not seen them in while, they would spot it instantly. So at first I wondered if it was real. could it be gone? Really GONE? maybe this was just the longest in-between I had ever been. I sat on it longer. Them I needed to confirm it. I told my best friend who had known me for 16 yrs at the time. He had slept next o me while I lay awake. He had been awoken by my nightmares. He had talked me down from panic attacks and hold me. He knew this was real. I also told him about the hallucinations for the first time...well now the lack of. He could not remember the last time I had  night mare or panic attack ( the 2 he could objectively asses) this state of bliss continues for 5 more months. it was 9 months in total. I went form living in fear to living in fear of the fear coming back to living with out fear.....and then it came back. A trigger- my sister- I had never expected crashed my whole bright new world and sucked me back into the black hole.

I’ve told a few people since this time that I have the hallucinations. A new shrink I saw for a bit this winter. A close friend and co-worker I keep secrets for ( as does he for me). My sister who I needed to understand why I would be distant from her in the future and hoped she was able to heal some day too. That even though i was leaving her alone - she was not alone. Then over the next year I experienced a peak, a crash, and then a taper. Like the previous cycle on speed. And then the rest...but this time it was not with the fear at the beginning and the high as it progressed. Much more of an steady acceptance. It was not unknown this time.

About 3 months ago in this journey I told a new friend and lover in my life about this side of me. When I brought up the hallucinations it had been a while. I noticed after I told him I there were no more. A few night ago I told my other lover and friend. Then tonight...sitting outside looking across the runway at the small airport I saw him. Yes a single man. He was in the shadows with his hood up and he walked from one dark side of the runaway to the other. He turned to look at me. 

I shook my head. He stayed a few more steps. It was 1 am. I was alone in the hangar. Only my lap top open and head lamp on. I went back to my reading. I looked up. He was still there..or had come back. This time standing. I blinked he was gone. I was to scared to move. What if some one was really out there. I mean there is a lot of space and it’s not super secure. It had been a while since I had had a hallucination mid vision field and so long in time-almost 4 or 5 seconds. Not the fleeting 0.5 seconds in the periphery I had become used to. Then I saw the bugs go across my lap. Not the little flying pests they where circling the head lamp. The Beetles. 

I gathered my self and calmly walked back to the front of the and went into the small living space there. I shut the door. I sat down. I wondered about the times I tell people about the hallucinations and how they some to fade or repair. I doubt that is it...but i wonder no the less. 

now I lay me down to sleep....

[frejakjaer]

No obligations, no consideration, no you - Your words

[geminitwinkle]

Scared of me

It’s hard to sleep when you are scared of what you might dreams. It’s hard to look when you are scared of what you might see. It’s hard to listen to the silence when you are scared of what you might hear. It’s hard to think when you are scared of what it might all mean. It’s hard to live when your life is made of fear.

I realize that I spend a lot of time laying but not sleeping. I cover my eyes not to keep the light out but to keep me inside. I put in ear buds so the music is as close to me as it can be. I try to empty my mind so not to think and only focus on the things my skin feels. Of the 3 sense I value the most ( seeing, hearing and touch) only touch is pure to me. Even for the other 2 there is contamination at times. 

[mental-health-advice]

How do you explain hallucinations to your parents? I've been hearing voices & seeing things for a while and I don't know what to do. It's very scary and I'm afraid they'll think I'm joking. Tag me as Qoop!

Hey there butterfly,

Well, there are a number of ways that you can bring this upto your parents! I know how hard it can be to say it out loud, but to combat the difficulty of doing that, you canalways write a letter. I tried to first ask my parents for help by writing aletter, and it really did help! I didn’t end up giving it to them because longstory short I somehow ended up telling my mom in person, but it really did helpme to get my feelings out and organize what I wanted to say. You can give thisletter to your parents in person or send it in the form of email or putting iton their bed or desk where they will see it and read it. It can be easier togive it to them so this way you don’t have to worry about being interruptedwhen you’re trying to speak.

However, face-to-facecommunication is normally the most clear because this way your parents can’tmisunderstand what you’re trying to say. I think that if you call a familymeeting and ask all of them to sit down and bring up what you’ve beenexperiencing, they will take you seriously. You could even let them know beforeyou said anything by telling them that you need to have a serious discussionwith them about something important. They will most likely listen to what youhave to say. Not all parents understand hallucinations, so try to make it clearto them that this is not something you can control. You may want to researchhallucinations and show your parents what you found on a print-out or such.

Treatment forhallucinations usually will involve a psychological evaluation at first,because hallucinations can be symptoms of many mental illnesses. You will needto see a mental health professional, and the easiest way to do this is to go toyour general physician and let them know what’s going on. They can refer you toa mental health professional who can diagnose and treat you.

If your parents do not agreeto get you psychological help, try telling another trusted adult like a schoolcounsellor if you are still in school, a clergy member, youth leader, friend’sparent, etc. I am so, so so so SOOOOOproud of you for wanting to seek help! This is really scary to go through andyou don’t deserve to go through this without getting the proper help you need. 

You do not have to sufferin silence. There is hope.

I believe in you,

Michaela xo