Throughout Spider-Man: Homecoming, we see Tony blowing Peter off, then we see Happy blowing Peter off, all in favor of having more important things to be doing.
I know that Happy was getting ready for ‘moving day’ and Tony was taking a MUCH NEEDED trip to get his mind steady after the events of Civil War, but because nobody ever really clues Peter in on the seriousness of all of that, because they just brush him off, he assumes that they’re doing it because he’s a kid and because they’re not going to listen to him.
That doesn’t stop him from wanting to do the right thing though, he wants to help people, he wants to save people. Sure, part of him is the teenager that wants to be important too, but I mean, what 15 year old wouldn’t want to be a hero!!!
So, flash forward to Peter finding out about Vulture and what he’s doing. Look at how Tony tries to stop him from looking into it. He doesn’t tell him, don’t worry about it, I’ll handle it. He says ‘there are other people that handle this’. All this says to Peter is that he’s, once again, not good enough to deal with it. Again, Peter is a teenager, this is going to spark frustration within him and he’s going to push back.
When he goes to Washington and Happy only calls him because he left New York, Peter feels like he’s being babysat, this makes him want the tracker off. Upon doing that, he discovers that Tony has named the programs to keep him out such condescending bullshit like ‘training wheels protocol’. Again, frustration. So he has Ned take them down.
He goes after Vulture, he winds up saving his friends in DC.
Then he comes home and finds out about the deal that’s going to be going on, on the ferry.
Of course, this is when shit hits the fan and Peter really is in over his head. He did everything he could, and it wasn’t good enough, and Peter realized this and he was still trying to help Tony when he swept in and saved the day! Tony comes back with the ‘you’ve done enough’ shit.
Then they’re talking and Peter, fed up, calls Tony out and says that nobody was listening (because to his knowledge, they weren’t!) and Tony says that he’d called the FBI. Might have been nice info to pass to Peter earlier. And then Tony goes into the ‘dad’ speech and takes Peter’s suit away, again, reminding Peter that he’s not an adult and Peter understands that he fucked up, he gets that!!
The only saving grace is that Peter not having his suit allowed him to just realize that being Spider-Man was great, but being Peter Parker wasn’t so bad either. He could do both and school mattered, and so did his friends.
TL;DR: If Tony had just communicated with Peter earlier in a way that didn’t scream ‘I’m brushing you off because you’re a child and I’m an adult and because I say so’ maybe Peter wouldn’t have been trying to push himself to prove himself so much the end.
