and maybe he just wanted to stargaze.
i am sensitive.
but not in the "takes-everything-personal-why-did-you-use-that-tone?" kind of way.
sensitive like movies touch me in a way that burns or aches, everything is profound and frustratingly sentimental, and the right fingertips on my ribcage can make me hyperventilate.
playing it cool? baby, if i'm playing it cool, i am just cool.
because the last thing a girl like me will do is play it cool.
i'm not nonchalant, i'm vibrant. i'll come into your life and turn it technicolor. listen, confession, i've done a lot of different colored powders. my curiosity is so lethal i can't die knowing i didn't experience every state my body and mind is capable of...yeah.
and maybe that's the difference between me and you. because i believe i could be everything and do everything. i'm fearless with my feelings and honest in a way that scares you. and you'd rather die having not experienced the threshold of life.
and you'll let me go and not bother to fight because i'm too much.
but pretty to watch.
like when i poured my heart out to you and you said you liked that i was so bothered.
and that sent me into an all-out spiral.
and you smiled and i thought why in god's green earth are you smiling like that...
and do you remember what you said to me? you said, "i was just thinking about how pretty you are, let's go outside and call you a car."
and i cried in the backseat and the only thing that comforted me was at least you think i'm pretty.
pretty.
pretty.
pretty.
i guess that's all i'll ever be remembered as, pretty and funny. yeah, you said im funny once. but when you said it, and i asked why you said it was because of my timing. interesting. timing.
that night i couldn't talk right... not because i was nervous, no. it felt like when you're being hunted and finally just surrender.
"like a prey animal that knows it's done running."
to be honest, you looked at me like you wanted to fuck me and i was trying to be offended but unfortunately i looked at you with doe eyes that played the part and you licked your lips and that's when i knew you were the type to play with your food.
and so you let me walk alone... 2 blocks down to my station. yes, let bambi figure it out on her own.
you have this internal time clock that tells you when to go so you never stay and you never walk me all the way.
and maybe it's okay that you just want to stargaze.
and i'm so shiny and bright and all my life i've been called "stargirl" and all my friends compare me to the sun but really i feel like i'm sitting on the edge of the moon, dangling my feet.
and you love it.
and you stargaze. i'm your favorite constellation. pretty, no doubt.
the first time you described us, you said we were star-crossed, to which i replied, "so you think we're destined for doom?"
and you said "no, like kismet."
and i laughed because you taught me something new. kismet is one thing. star-crossed is another. i never corrected you because i knew what you meant.
but baby, star-crossed ends in tragedy. to be star-crossed is to have the stars against us.
to be the greatest love story never told.
and i guess looking back... you said it right the first time.
and maybe it's okay that you just wanted to stargaze.
and maybe it's okay you'll never make it to the moon.
and maybe it's okay because we really are just passing through.
and maybe we were just a star-crossed supernova. star-crossed because we never crossed. saved from the tragedy.
or maybe you just wanted to stargaze,
and i love to romanticize.
and maybe it's nothing special, and i just poeticize.
brutal.
to think if you ever read this, you'd wonder who it was about. that's the thing about you... you always had your doubts.
like the Big Bang,
and astrology,
[and a man on the moon.]
