Music to my Ears - Part VI
James Potter X Fem!Reader
Summary: Attempting to 'work it out' you and James are discovering feelings you hadn't felt before. Unsure what to do with them James moves in closer and you attempt to push away.
Word Count: 3.5k
A/N: Heyyy! another update be sure to interact and let me know if ya love it! <3
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In the pub the group had finally gathered and finished their Halloween shopping, after Mary had shown off her rather bright costume Drew decided a round of drinks was a good idea. By the time you and James had entered the pub they were on their 2nd or 3rd round. Lily’s head shot up at the familiar sound of your laughter causing her to abruptly nudge Remus as you entered with James which then obviously alerted Sirius who not-so-quietly exclaimed “Is that Y/N laughing with James?”
Naturally the whole group turned to look and you were in fact laughing with James. “I didn’t realise she could even smile around him” Marlene said, once you had caught sight of the group and they all quickly whipped back.
James stood close to you in the small pub feeling crammed by the amount of people in the place. Once you had spotted your group he leaned down to speak softly in your ear “I’ll get our drinks” he placed a soft hand on your arm. You had all but shivered under his touch, not used to the small affections, coming from James of all people. His eyes were full and kind as they searched yours for confirmation, you simply nodded and turned towards your friends, praying that they didn’t notice the pink tinge that now graced your cheeks.
You placed yourself in an empty chair that had been saved for you between Drew and Gareth. “Hey pretty girl!” Gareth lazily placed an arm around the back of your chair, him and Drew both trying to pretend that they weren’t just staring at you and James. You gave him a smile but said nothing, the last 20 minutes had been weighing on you.
“So… what's up with that?” Mary, across from you, leaned forward speaking in a low tone as everyone else on that side of the table also leaned in, you almost laughed at their demeanor.
“What do you mean?” You played coy, trying to be subtle.
“You and James shagging now?” Sirius all but shouted from beside Mary, she gave him a whack on the chest.
“Really Sirius?”
“What?”
Remus jumped in “You could have tried to be subtle”
“I’m just asking what everyone's thinking!” he was rubbing his chest, giving Mary evils.
You giggled at their bickering before deciding to simply explain, “We’ve sorted it, we’re just gonna try to be mates.” Mary huffed, and sat back in her chair, that was clearly not the response she sought after.
“And you agreed to that? Without hitting him?” Drew chuckled from beside you. This was unreal, just a month ago these lot were convinced you two were entirely in love and now you can’t even convince them of a budding friendship!
“Wha- Yes!” you protested against the violent image your friends seemed to have of you.
They all seemed to be somewhat convinced, Sirius and Marlene, who had caught the brunt of it from each of you, all the rants, the late night screaming sessions, the thrown books at one another, they had experienced the worst between the two of you and of course were still on the fence about this so called friendship. Marlene gave you an unconvinced look but you managed to reassure her with one that you were hoping said ‘I’ll tell you later’, and she seemed to leave it at that.
James had joined with your drinks now, he placed yours down by you as you muttered a thanks before he rounded the table and took a seat that had been saved for him, on the end furthest from you.
“Blimey, it’s like everyone in hogsmeade has decided to come to the pub.” he chuckled slightly at his own joke before looking up and seeing everyone sitting looking at him.
“What?” confusion crossed his face as he lifted his beer to take a sip.
“You and Y/N shagging?” Sirius once again piped up, this time it was Remus to smack the back of his head as James snorted on his beer.
“You’re such a twat Sirius!” Mary exclaimed
“Ow! What? It’s only fair that I ask them both!” Remus shook his head at him.
James’ eyes flicked to you after he heard that, how did you respond to that? Of course you weren’t but did you reveal anything more than just the cold hard facts? Or had you recounted every single second of the conversation you had without skipping a detail. He looked back at Sirius.
“We most definitely are not” he confirmed and you released a breath, thank god he didn’t make it into a shitty joke to humiliate you, maybe he has decided to really try. “Plus, we were gone for like 10 minutes, I would definitely last longer than that” It was now Sirius’ turn to snort on his drink as he burst out into laughter, well a sort of gargled, choking laughter. Lily smacked James at his risque joke. “Merlin Lils!” he rubbed his arm, overwhelmed by her power, as you also began to laugh at his dismay. James turned to you as a smile crept up onto his face at the sound of your laughter.
Luckily everyone else was focused on Sirius who had thankfully stopped choking and calmed down slightly. “We marauders are just being abused today!” He chuckled while wiping a tear.
You rolled your eyes at his dramatics, “It was wholeheartedly deserved”
Drew raised his hand, “To be fair, I was curious too” You looked at him with a face of mock disdain.
“You traitor!”
“What?,,, you were laughing.. With James!”
Everyone around you mumbled agreements or nodded their heads, you looked at James in a desperate attempt to ask for help.
James abruptly stood from his chair, nearly spilling his drink everywhere, “Right!” he began, puffing his chest out, “No we are not dating, shagging or anything of the sort, yes we laughed, I am hilarious, we are trying to argue less and be adults, you lot should be happy we’re not constantly arguing” He spoke with such a confidence it caused everyone to just simply nod and agree, you felt like you were at a posh conference meeting all of a sudden, “There, we don’t need to talk about it more then, do we?” Everyone mumbled agreements and James sat back down grinning at you as you mouthed a ‘Thank you’ towards him, a small notion that Marelene definitely did not miss.
Drew clapped his hands together in the silence. “Well, now that the whole band's here, let's discuss our set”.
“Oo Yes! I really liked that one you guys did, about like going easy or something” Mary exclaimed, “You have to tell us who that was about!” she looked at Drew as he chuckled and for the first time in about 10 minutes Gareth spoke up.
“Actually, Y/N wrote that one” he said as Mary looked at you.
James’ head turned to you, “Really?”
“Oh it was a beautiful song, you guys should definitely do that one again” Mary continued as you smiled at her.
“Well yeah we can do it, we’ll need to set up the mic on Gareth’s Drumset so he can do his background parts.” You spoke to Drew as he nodded. Your band seemed to have a good dynamic, no one was fighting for parts, wanting their songs over another and mostly agreed on setlists, which Marlene actually played a large role in as none of you could be arsed with choosing songs.
You looked up at Marlene. “Sound good Marls?” she nodded enthusiastically.
“We could also do that slow one again? Seemed to be a winner with the crowd” She said and you all agreed.
“You’re our setlist manager,” Drew joked as Marlene laughed at him.
The rest of the group were in awe of you, you were all just so in tune when you came to your music bouncing off one another so easily. Remus could count on one hand the amount of times the boys had instantly agreed with him and more often than not it was a prank idea, even then Sirius always had something to say. Anyone could see you all truly loved the music you made and you loved doing it together. Eventually everyone was having an input but you didn’t mind, they were your audience after all.
“How about another slow one?” Lily suggested “People should have a break from all the jumping around”
You nodded with Lily’s suggestion, “Yeah actually I’ve been working on a few songs-”
“Nooooo, come on, we need more Rock!” Sirius drawled, cutting you off, but you didn’t mind you enjoyed his excitement.
“Sirius! People need breaks you know” Lily shot back, Sirius did not enjoy her subtle safety measures.
“We’re not gonna be in the castle anyway! It’ll be fine” Lily looked at Remus and James for help, Remus simply shrugged his shoulders as James rubbed the back of his neck.
“Well it is Halloween Lils” James spoke sheepishly. Lily just huffed at him.
Drew nudged you once their argument had subsided, “You got anything new for us?” You smiled at him while your hand mindlessly traced the handle of your butterbeer.
“A few things yeah, some slow, some not so slow. Can we get together and try them out?” You explained as Sirius’ head shot up to you.
“Yes! Definitely the not so slow!” he almost shouted, basically propelled out of his seat at the idea of joining band practice, Remus had to lift a hand to pull him down.
You all continued to discuss the songs, what to dress as, briefly having to stop to explain costumes to James, Sirius and Pete.
“Honestly, purebloods!” Mary joked after explaining the 3rd costume idea to Sirius.
“Oi!” he shot back, “I’m just a curious boy”
You all laughed at that. It was beginning to get dark outside, you were all a few drinks down, your belly hurt from laughing. Who knew you could have so much fun when you and James weren’t at each other's throats. You felt like James was thinking the same, often catching him smiling your way before he quickly turned away or engaged himself in conversation and for a second you let yourself think, maybe he really does want to change, he really wants that chance, but he hurt you, he hurt you bad and over and over again. You could not forgive James Potter and you definitely weren’t going to do it within a matter of hours.
-
Later in the evening you all had filtered out of the pub and started the long walk back to the castle. You were looking forward to bed, you didn't realise how cold it had become outside until you all opened the doors of the pub to the bitter cold. At the front of the pack walked Mary, Sirius, Drew and Marlene, all still engaged in the topic of the Halloween party at the Hogs Head. Behind them Walked Peter, Remus, Gareth they were speaking more calmly than the group in front. Lily had abandoned your side to join Remus ahead, leaving you alone with James. The only group to walk in stark silence.
“So…” You attempted awkwardly, you weren’t quite sure where you were going with your sentence, you just wanted to somehow fill the silence, luckily James filtered the gaps for you.
“Hey, I didn’t realise you wrote the songs, that's pretty cool” Your cheeks rushed with colour at the complement, luckily it was cold and dark enough that you could blame it on the coming winter air.
“Oh yeah, I mean Drew helps, I usually just assign myself the background.” You replied.
“Well that one you sang alone was really good” James made it look so easy to compliment it was very frustrating, sure you could tell he was trying and you were trying not to be snarky but this can-do attitude that you hadn’t seen on James before kind of terrified you.
Nonetheless, you smiled up at him, “Thanks, it was actually the first time I performed that one. Even then I had to be pushed to do it” You chuckled
“Well Drew was right to push you” James nudged your shoulder playfully.
“Actually it was Gareth who convinced me” You said smiling at the ground as you recalled the memory. You didn’t notice how James stiffened slightly at the mention of his name, how he awkwardly coughed to stop himself from saying something he would regret. As you recalled that fond memory James couldn’t help but have images of every time you and Gareth were together flash through his mind. In DADA, slitting close at dinner, James saw the way he comforted you in the common room earlier that day, even in the Pub when he had his arm loosely tucked on the back of your chair. It seemed so natural for the both of you to be so consistently close he didn't understand why he felt a tightening in his chest at the thought of the two of you together. He’s trying to reconcile, to make things up so why did he still feel this way?
“Maybe I could show you some of them?” You interrupted his internal crisis, James looked at you with a face full of content
“Seriously? You wanna show me?” He was practically giddy at the thought, a complete contrast to his earlier thoughts.
You simply nodded. “Well I would love to hear them” James said smiling at you which had mirrored your own, “and if they’re shit you know I'll tell you”
You laughed at that, with that sentence James was more like the one you knew, a smartass, just like how he was that night after dinner. You felt more at ease with this James than the creepy super nice one. “Sure Potter, but be prepared to love them all!” you joked back and walked ahead to catch up with everyone else. James smiled at you as he trailed after.
-
2 Weeks Before Halloween
James seemed to keep his promise of making it up to you. You two may not be best friends but you were at least able to sit in the same room for more than ten minutes, you could physically see the effect it had on the group too, no one was walking on eggshells, trying their hardest to get you two to avoid one another and they all seemed lighter, happier. It made you feel terrible. You didn’t realise that yours and James’ constant arguments had this much of an effect on the group, if you had known maybe you would have tried to be friends with James sooner.
James himself also seemed happier, he was still his usual cocky self but you didn’t see him as the egotistical person you knew before, he still made jokes here and there but they never had as much malice as they had done before and if he took it too far you would tell him and he would apologise instead of it becoming a screaming match you both learnt to adapt as you learnt not to take things to heart, he never really meant it anyway. Plus you made jokes back. He still sometimes had that aura of fake kindness towards you, he never acted like that with anyone else, like carrying your books, getting up so you can sit down, giving you his jacket when he sees you shivering, it was unsettling and nothing like the James you were used to. You could stand a few lighthearted jokes but this switch in him seemed suffocating, you felt as if he wasn’t giving you time or allowing you to warm to him on your own. These feelings were so prevalent but so confusing, you didn’t know what to do with them. So you did what any young adult with trauma would do, you pushed them deep deep deep down and prayed they would go away.
You finally snapped when James found you in the library, alone on a particularly cosy raint evening. That casual grin slunk across his face as he spots you.
“Alright” Is all he says as he thumps down into the seat next to you.
“Hi James” you reply, not even bothering to look up from your reading. This was the first time you and James had been completely alone together since that afternoon in Hogsmeade.
“Whatcha reading?” He shuffled closer to you to get a glance at your book, he was sitting so close that you could feel the heat from his body.
“A book” was all you responded with before he nudged you, unsatisfied with your answer, you huffed. “I’m studying for herbology, you know we have mocks?”
James snorted at that, “Yeah in January, I’ve got plenty of time, I don’t even study herbology.” he leant back, interlinking his fingers behind his head. You gave him a dull look which made him smirk at you.
“Oh hey, before I forget.” He reached round into his bag and pulled out something small wrapped in tissue paper. He carefully unwrapped it and revealed a small slice of pumpkin pie no bigger than the size of his palm. you let out a short breath, he remembered? “For you, sorry I forgot the cream, didn’t want it sloshing all over my b-”
You didn’t let him finish, “Why?”.
James didn’t seem to catch on, “well I know I have a lot of rubbish in my bag but it would be difficult to get the cream out of it.”
You shook your head, gaze fixed on the slice in his hand. “Why did you get this for me James?” Your voice had a slightly hardened tone to it that he didn't expect.
“What do you mean?” James gave you a look of pure confusion and you didn’t know why but that frustrated you more.
“Why do you do all this? Carry my books, pull out chairs, give me your jacket? I don’t understand how you can just switch James, from absolutely hating me to acting like…” Your line of thought trailed off as you heard yourself, why were you so annoyed by this? “I just- I don't want to trust it” you finally huffed out.
James scoffed, “What? Would you rather we go back to being at each other's throats? You can see from anyone how that would be a terrible idea”
You sighed “I know but-”
“But what? Y/N?” James had placed the pie slice down now out of fear of crushing it in his palm. “I’m trying, I’m showing you, I’m not forcing you to forgive me!”
“I know! I’m not saying you are it’s just-”
“Just what?” James' voice was softer now, his hand held your back as he had turned to face you completely now.. This felt like a fight, not like one you had before, like a proper fight, one that tugs on your heartstrings, one that makes you want to just get up and run.
You took a deep breath before continuing. “It doesn’t feel like you, you seem like a fake version of yourself that you’re only putting on to get me to trust you.”
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” James’ voice was still as soft, his hand on your back now calmly moving up and down as if he was afraid you would burst into tears at any second.
You gave out another huff and let your head drop into your hands “I don’t know” you mumbled. What did you want exactly? You definitely didn’t want to be miserable again, in a constant argumentative state. “I just want you to be yourself”
You both sat there for a minute, waiting to figure it out, together, in silence.
“It's not fake.” James finally uttered, you simply shrugged your shoulders. “Hey I mean it” James had moved his hands now to pry yours away from your face.
“I just want to know you. Y/N”
“Then why don’t you act this way with anyone else?” That caught James, he didn’t think for a second you could observe him the way he did you, that you could be seeing him with others as he saw you.
He grasped your hand as he spoke slowly, his thumb tracing the scars “Because I'm not just making it all up to you, I’m making it up to eleven year old Y/N too” You smiled at that, James smiled too, he couldn’t help it, your grin was just too contagious. He tapped the table twice drawing your attention to the lone slice laid there. “Come on, eat up.” You huffed at him.
“I’ll save it for later, not getting me any cream is the cruelest thing you have ever done” You joked, hoping to lighten the atmosphere, which seemed to work as James laughed at that.
“It’s like you said love, I’m an only-child, rich, pureblood.” He leant in closer to you now, speaking in a low tone, “It’s my birthright to be cruel”. You knew the tone in his voice was a joking one but you couldn’t help the way your breath hitched at his closeness, feeling stuck under his gaze you gave him a short smile before wrapping the pie slice back up and placing it neatly in your own bag.
