#hr hc

[my-2nd-account]

One night after a tough game, JJ convinces Shane to go to a bar with the rest of the team. He tried to turn him down bc he's beat and just wants to go to his hotel room and get some sleep before an early flight tomorrow, but JJ had already anticipated this and got Hayden in on it so he wouldn't let Shane into the room. They end up going to the nearest bar they find "Come on Cap just an hour or two and we'll let you go it's right around the corner" and said bar happens to have a mechanical bull riding machine (no clue where these exist in Canada just dw bout it). Shane's competitive ass sees everyone there including his teammates fail miserably, so he decides to give it a shot to show them how it's done. Everyone is like haha until my boy is up there and lo and behold Captain Hollander is... really fucking good at bull riding? They all know Shane never half asses anything in his life but where the fuck did he learn to ride like this!? And Shane deadpans "It's about balance and relaxing your hips to move in rhythm with the movement instead of fighting it" and everyone's like ok sure??? Anyways, someone in the bar is a hockey fan and recognizes Shane and takes a video of him bull riding. In less than 15 minutes the clip is blasted all over social media and everyone is collectively losing their shit over Hollander wearing a backwards cap moving his hips in a way no human should be allowed to and riding like his life depends on it under dim sexy red lighting.

Cut to Ilya Rozanov hundreds of miles away up at 3 in the morning almost breaking his phone screen from how hard he's gripping it after replaying the 7 second clip for the 200th time and he's never been more hard in his life.

And he's the only one who knows where Shane Hollander learned to ride.

#not his first rodeo

[hyphenemdash]

The Cens are in the locker room after a pretty light practice, the season not yet in full swing, and the topic turns to married life, as it often does.

Ilya and Shane mostly stay quiet, giving each other pointed looks when Bood and Wyatt swap stories about their fucking awesome wives. That is until…

“Yeah but like, Roz and Hollzy have the most ideal situation.”

There’s a mix of eyebrow raising and general murmurs of agreement, half of the team unsure if this is Holmberg’s way of coming out.

“What do you mean?” Shane asks, ever one to ignore a social rule.

“You spend all day together kicking ass and being the best at hockey, and then you get to go home together and be and love and shit but also still talk hockey.” Holmberg sighs and stares into his locker a little wistfully. “I wish I was gay so I could have a hockey husband.”

The team is quiet for a minute, some of the younger members nodding in sage agreement. Bood even looks like it’s an intriguing idea.

“Why don’t you date a PWHL player?”

Wyatt says it with it much fuss, shoving his pads into his bag unceremoniously. Holms, however, looks like he’s just been struck by lightning.

“Say that again.”

Wyatt turns to the kid, eyebrows raised like he’s confused by the reaction.

“You know that the PWHL exists, right?”

Holmsberg is too thunderstruck to scoff.

“Yeah. The Charge. They’re…oh my god.”

And thus starts the social media scrolling to figure out which Charge players are 1) single, 2) in Holms age range, and 3) into men

[chubby-cry-baby]

ilya and troy headcanons

they get matching tattoos (and are the ones convincing the centaurs to get a group matching tattoo when they win the stanley cup)

Ilya is Troy’s best man at his wedding

they constantly talk about the road trips they’re gonna take after they retire (shane and harris are the ones who make it logistically possible and troy and ilya are just adding more requests the whole time)

coordinated dance moves (“when did you guys even practice that?” “practice what?”)

“ilya rozanov and troy barrett being best friends for 8 minutes gay”

everything is somehow a two person job for them

somehow they accidentally match enough times that they get asked about it

they’re always paired up for social media content (and when they’re not, they mention the other way too much, “barrett would’ve picked the regular fries” or “rozanov didn’t like that movie”)

they make super dark daddy issues jokes

troy is kinda gullible and ilya is always giving him misinformation

they find out about an under funded women’s hockey team in ottawa and decide to sponsor it and start going to the games

Harris at some point: “this is my boyfriend Troy, and this is Troy’s boyfriend Ilya, and this is Ilya’s husband Shane”

“barrett when I was your age…” “shut up”

they don’t like hazing but they want to prank the rookies so they just take them out to dinner and the entire time the rookies are on edge that something is going to happen (“roz… barrett… just do it, just get it over with” “do what?” “the hazing” “we don’t haze rookies”)

MATCHING HALLOWEEN COSTUMES

[eemolu]

i just know there's some twitter user named moyshane out there who's drawing fanart of shane as every single russian word ilya uses as a pet name. it started as a tomato (#moypomidor is viral after shane was mic'd for the first time on the cens) but then they collaborate with a lip reading account who somehow also speaks russian and it's like. bam shane as a toaster shane as a rabbit shane as a wet floor sign (this one is strangely kinky and gets flagged). ilya voice shane good assist my beautiful little chetyrekhlistnyy klever and then two hours later there's a drawing of shane's face in the middle of a four leaf clover doing the rounds on twitter. shane finds out about it and he's so annoyed he's like STOP calling me cereal call me a hockey player or something so they'll draw me as a hockey player and ilya is like shane moya lyubov there are ten thousand drawings of you as a hockey player already. i want to see you as a brontosaurus. and moyshane, god bless their soul, delivers

[oknotgood]

Heated Rivalry headcanons:

Shane is a huge Marvel nerd, which is why he went to Le Tambour when he heard that the X Squad cast was there

Svetlana put Ilya in heavy eyeliner and a mesh shirt for a club night at least once and everyone was all over him

Shane chose a macrobiotic diet because it originated in Japan and is all about balance

Ilya gets tattoos for each of their children

Shane considered going to McGill if he didn't get drafted by the MLH and might still apply after he retires

Ilya considered trying Formula 1 racing after he retires from the MLH

Ilya started reading Anne of Green Gables after sitting next to Ryan Price on that flight but Lucy Maud's descriptions of nature got on his nerves so he gave up and watched the movie instead (the 1985 one with Megan Follows, at Ryan Price's recommendation). He cried multiple times.

David, Yuna, Shane, Ilya and their children all go to Wimbledon at least once

Alexei's daughter makes contact once she turns 18 and eventually comes to visit

Ilya and Svetlana have had at least one threesome. Maybe multiple, so they could have a threesome with a guy and one with a girl.

Shane ordered his dildo after his first hookup with Ilya, and it's a very boring black

Ilya is lowkey obsessed with marine life documentaries, like about whales and octopodes

After retiring from the MLH, Shane sets goals like "run a marathon" and "get a black belt"

As a dad, Ilya gets really into making different kinds of soup and perfecting his signature soup recipe

Ilya, Svetlana, Rose, and Miles go clubbing together every now and then. Shane is designated driver. Afterwards, they have a slumber party at Shane and Ilya's house and they all eat junk food and watch Legally Blonde and sleep on the floor in the living room then they all cook a huge breakfast together the next morning

At least one of Hayden's children goes to Shane and Ilya's hockey camp (maybe Ruby, cause "she's a beast") and develops a very close bond with Ilya built on a solid foundation of chirping each other tirelessly

Rose and Svetlana become the Empty Netters of the Heated Rivalry universe (talking hockey and pop culture) and they have Yuna as a guest

Miles becomes friends with Scott and Kip and ends up producing a biopic about Scott

Shane writes a memoir

Kip and Miles have a support group for how all these gay hockey players are so ignorant about gay culture and history

Ilya has VERY strong opinions about RuPaul's Drag Race

Svetlana and Rose are dubbed honorary WAGs for the purposes of group chats, parties and girls trips

Ilya and Hayden eventually bond over one thing: Shane is actually an asshole ("geez, Hayd, you wanna get me pregnant, too?"/"I wasn't clear. I'm sorry in advance for tonight. We're gonna destroy you guys.")

Yuna, Jacki and Ilya do brunch sometimes

Okay, that's all I have for now! I'm sure I'll have more in the future!

[cupcakesandhags]

re. that post about ilya and shane retiring together. if shane retires first, ilya could conceivably catch up or even surpass his number of cups depending on how much longer he plays. shane simply cannot tolerate the possibility of that outcome. if ilya retires first, shane will surpass him in the all time goals scored race. that is entirely unacceptable. these men will be in their 60s and chirping each other about rookie of the year vs #1 draft pic.

their marriage might not survive if they don't retire together.

[mojoscircus]

Shane and Ilya are professional athletes. They are men. They are young. They are, by definition, jocks. And without a doubt, they have some of the most disgusting and gross habits. They’re men.

[extra-banana]

My (controversial) Shane and Ilya...

They're both secret boob guys

We all know they love ass - can you blame them? Look at the material - and they both love squeezing each other's pecs

Buuuuuuut

MyIlya loved tits during his fuckboi era. Big, small, high, low, in, out he loved a pair of boobs to bounce and swish and play with and cum on. He was sticking his face in a woman's chest any chance he got. Boobs were his thing.

Shane on the other hand... It's more complicated. Sex with Rose was torture and humiliating and something Shane still has nightmares about, but he was so fascinated with her boobs. They were so much softer than he had imagined, and her nipples had no hair around them. Her boobs moved differently than pecs. Sometimes, he misses that relaxing softness in his hands.

I don't think Shane and Ilya ever admit their love for boobs, and if they do, it's much later into their marriage. And they both have a laugh about it. And then maybe Ilya buys boob shaped stress balls for the both of them. And maybe they're both a little to into mindless mushing them around during idle times.