#hr headcanons

[transthatmasc]

Hayden and Ilya’s relationship is peak comedy because Hayden will be like “yeah I fucking hate that guy he’s a menace” but if you asked him “then why do you let him take care of your kids” he’ll look at you like you’re stupid. “Ilya is an annoying menace who is incessantly mean to me” and “Ilya is a good partner for Shane who can be trusted around my children and my wife who all love him” are two completely non-conflicting statements in his mind

[gayhockeyshow]

Ilya wouldn’t be able to handle watching Everything Everywhere All At Once bc he would hear the line “In another life I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you” and absolutely fucking LOSE IT

[oknotgood]

Heated Rivalry headcanons:

Shane is a huge Marvel nerd, which is why he went to Le Tambour when he heard that the X Squad cast was there

Svetlana put Ilya in heavy eyeliner and a mesh shirt for a club night at least once and everyone was all over him

Shane chose a macrobiotic diet because it originated in Japan and is all about balance

Ilya gets tattoos for each of their children

Shane considered going to McGill if he didn't get drafted by the MLH and might still apply after he retires

Ilya considered trying Formula 1 racing after he retires from the MLH

Ilya started reading Anne of Green Gables after sitting next to Ryan Price on that flight but Lucy Maud's descriptions of nature got on his nerves so he gave up and watched the movie instead (the 1985 one with Megan Follows, at Ryan Price's recommendation). He cried multiple times.

David, Yuna, Shane, Ilya and their children all go to Wimbledon at least once

Alexei's daughter makes contact once she turns 18 and eventually comes to visit

Ilya and Svetlana have had at least one threesome. Maybe multiple, so they could have a threesome with a guy and one with a girl.

Shane ordered his dildo after his first hookup with Ilya, and it's a very boring black

Ilya is lowkey obsessed with marine life documentaries, like about whales and octopodes

After retiring from the MLH, Shane sets goals like "run a marathon" and "get a black belt"

As a dad, Ilya gets really into making different kinds of soup and perfecting his signature soup recipe

Ilya, Svetlana, Rose, and Miles go clubbing together every now and then. Shane is designated driver. Afterwards, they have a slumber party at Shane and Ilya's house and they all eat junk food and watch Legally Blonde and sleep on the floor in the living room then they all cook a huge breakfast together the next morning

At least one of Hayden's children goes to Shane and Ilya's hockey camp (maybe Ruby, cause "she's a beast") and develops a very close bond with Ilya built on a solid foundation of chirping each other tirelessly

Rose and Svetlana become the Empty Netters of the Heated Rivalry universe (talking hockey and pop culture) and they have Yuna as a guest

Miles becomes friends with Scott and Kip and ends up producing a biopic about Scott

Shane writes a memoir

Kip and Miles have a support group for how all these gay hockey players are so ignorant about gay culture and history

Ilya has VERY strong opinions about RuPaul's Drag Race

Svetlana and Rose are dubbed honorary WAGs for the purposes of group chats, parties and girls trips

Ilya and Hayden eventually bond over one thing: Shane is actually an asshole ("geez, Hayd, you wanna get me pregnant, too?"/"I wasn't clear. I'm sorry in advance for tonight. We're gonna destroy you guys.")

Yuna, Jacki and Ilya do brunch sometimes

Okay, that's all I have for now! I'm sure I'll have more in the future!

[zonttalktome]

Marlow going from broke (not knowing Ilya is bi) to woke (asking Ilya what its like for him to bottom).

Marlow having no concept of what gay sex is like...but Roz has a lot of experience so obviously he would be the one to do the harder thing* in the equation.

Marlow having no faith in Shane Hollander doing something that is not optimal to hockey performance - being the hole rather than the peg.

[ilya-sweetheart]

i just know yuna cuts shane’s bangs with kitchen scissors and also trims david’s hair with the same pair

(ilya is mildly concerned when he finds out because they’re millionaires and can afford the best stylists the country can offer)

(but he’s also heartbroken because that’s what his mom used to to and when yuna offers to trim his curls he chokes back his tears as he feels a mothers hand run through his hair)

[gurligrissigermiav]

I CANNOT believe!!! That i have not seen a single post!!! about Hayden having adhd!!!!

That man is so obviously adhd-coded it hurts my little adhd brain.

Even in FANFICTION he is written with THE most obvious symptoms, and authors are seemingly oblivious to this fact!!!

You cannot change my mind!!!

Hayden-ADHD-truthers let me hear you in the back!!!

[hollanov-words]

One thing that's really interesting about Shane is that his internalized homophobia and shame is less about a sense that his sexuality is inherently wrong, and more about a sense that it is a violation of normative behavior within hockey and a risk to his own hockey career.

In Shane's mind, people are allowed to be gay. Hockey players are not.

Shane Hollander is a hockey player, and therefore is not allowed to be gay.

Later on, after coming out to his team, I think that manifests in two conflicting beliefs - that his sexuality is valid and that his team is valid for treating him poorly for it. Because in Shane's mind, he's committed a kind of bro code violation by being gay.

[butimaficwriter]

when ilya has to leave the house super early for a trip, shane gets up to make him breakfast so ilya can spend the 3 minutes it would take him to make breakfast kissing shane goodbye instead

when shane has to leave the house super early for a trip, ilya remains conked out in bed because he sleeps like the dead, but the night before he left a post-it on the bathroom mirror written i'm dreaming of you call me when you land sweetheart xx