I do not have the energy to create. I do not have the motivation to do things that I logically know make me feel better. I am tired. I have nothing left to give. My phone doesn’t ask me to give anything. So I scroll. The world around me feels empty and boring but there is always something happening on my phone. In this screen I find a constant companion. I know that when the little notifications pop up I feel seen. It is the smallest of rewards. I keep scrolling. I wonder if a hundred years from now these apps will still exist. Will they leave them up like graveyards? I worry I am already decaying. I don’t remember what the daylight feels like on my skin. I have forgotten how to look up. My spine is crooked. It’s painful to think that I’ve spent more time looking at screens than I have studying the faces of the people I love. Still I scroll. Why? It has changed the shape of my bones. I was raised on social media. I was seeking validation on the internet as a nine year old. All I know is nonstop news. The heartache. The bloodshed. The bullet ridden children. The world burning. But there’s a reason I still scroll. We’ve made the world lonely. The light of our screens has replaced the light of the fire where communities used to gather and share ghost stories. There is no true replacement for being in the physical presence of other human beings. How do I get rid of the addiction without losing the benefits? How do I stop letting my social media effect me negatively without losing connections? I don’t know. So I still scroll.
