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like omg stand up…

You're impossible. You're the most impossible bestselling author I know. Come over here. / "Whycaroh," please! It's "Winds of Whycaroh!" And Bloodsong is the best yet. God, are you in for a treat. / Uh, depends. You a big fan of mindless crap? / I'm gonna get some gum. / I had one Tito's in Salt Lake. That was, like, two hours ago. / We could take a cab home. Don't tell me you don't need a drink, 'cause you need a drink. — I don't need a drink. / Oh, how I hate all those paying customers showering me with love and respect. And why do I have to make so much money? How do you bear it? / You really think Bitter Chrysalis is that good? — I think people will love it. You ever read, um, Finnegans Wake? / I figure... you make even one person happy, maybe that's not art. But it's something. ... To Raban. / It's all the usual suspects, plus a few new ones. Everybody loves it. / You wanna tell her the truth? What do you have to lose? — Put down George Clooney. / Helen? Helen? Helen? Helen. Helen. Hi. Baby. Hi, Baby. / No, no, no. God, no. Don't... Please. Please. / Hey! Hey! Don't you touch her! You put her down. Put her down. Get out! Go away! / We're very sorry for your loss. / Please know none of that was intentional. You have our deepest condolences. / Hi! You've reached 5057966933. We're on the French Riviera drinking champagne. We are not here in our sweatpants screening your call. Make it a good one. / Why Raban as a woman? My original version of him was a her. But I talked myself out of it. And we never told anyone. Helen and I were the only ones who knew. / Carol, you may find this hard to believe but yesterday was the greatest day in the history of humanity. Helen thought so too. / Should we tell you how much she loved you? — You bunch of ghouls! You are a goddamn bunch of graverobbing psychopaths! You are the reason she is dead! And now you're gonna speak for her? Fuck you! Fuck every single one of you! / Yeah, Helen talked about it. It was on our bucket list. But you already know that, don't you? / Okay, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna forget everything you know about Helen. Every memory. Every thought she ever had. / Never mention her again. Never think about her again. Only I get to remember her, you got that? Only me. / It's the exact meal you had at that B and B you stayed at in Provincetown. 2012? Remember? You were there to see the Indigo Girls. / In a hotel made of ice. Under a pile of furs. / What did Helen think of my books? Tell me. — Helen loved you very much. / Yes. And as you know, Helen loved cotton candy. / Helen stopped on page 137, paragraph three. / I want to dine out tonight. Someplace special. I know you remember where Helen and I had our anniversary, so there. / Martha's Vineyard, 1999. Helen's birthday, 2008. Oh. Maritozzi. And... yes! Mmm. / You poor, tortured artist. / You want a drink? You want a drink. — We’ll have one if it pleases you. / Raban… is a woman now. — Long overdue. But I figured, now… why not? / Mi esposa. She didn't like my... glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. / My eggs. The ones I froze with Helen. You have them, don't you?

#i stayed here #pluribus