#ill go back to the true format eventually... maybe...

[hearts-for-me-core]

‼️TADC THE LAST ACT SPOILERS‼️

the amazing digital circus, the last act, has just been leaked, and in all honesty i dont care

for the record, i have not seen it yet, but i plan to at some point today and if its bad quality from it then ill wait, but ive basically already been spoiled and it doesnt phase me much, i was expecting this

from what ive heard, jax abstracts in some way, caine gets brought back, it seems that jax fully turned on the cast before abstracting and was choking pomni in a scene i saw - not sure if it was real, i could be wrong here - and they seemed to be arguing, and then they all stayed in the circus

despite how some people have been shocked at this, i feel like we should have been expecting this

tadc doesnt have a strong enough theme or message to have a good ending, even if you feel there was one or you can point to moments where the theme was, it still wasnt strong enough to make an impact, too many things were happening at once and instead of focusing on them to make them work jax got all of the attention

its probably going to feel like all the other episodes did, interesting and entertaining while watching them and fun to watch while waiting for the main point of the episode, but then they never get to the point and you end up staring at the end credits screen slightly annoyed as the episode felt short (you may have felt different watching the show, but me and my friends and many people online share the same sentiment, it leaves you wanting more and not in a ‘i cant wait for something else like this’ way but more so in a ‘wheres the rest of it’ way)

if the leaks and what ive heard are true, god am i going to love the fandom tearing it to shreds, and im definitely going to re watch the series just to shit on it

i might do a small re write of it, or give a general idea of how i would have wrote it, but im not a writer and im not very good at writing my own media - im more a fan of just analysing media i like and dislike - and i wouldnt know what format to do it in (small choppy animations, comics, fanfics, just general ideas posted here), but if i find the last episode disappointing enough you can trust that i will get to that…eventually

please feel free to tell me in the comments how you feel about the episode, if youve seen the leaks, if im wrong about anything ive said about the episode (as yet again, i havent seen the leaks yet), and maybe even just if the episode fit into the shows theme in your opinion

[6riix]

OKK hiii!!! I'm Lowkey kinda scared to request 😭 but could you do a Dazai x reader except with a S/O who is shy or reserved more because as a kid she grew up like really fast. Like she had a lot of attitude and was already doing adult things (Like Partying, drinking, and sleeping with older people) for fun because she had a Traumatic past (Like her parents neglected her and stuff) at like a really young age. So she was like used a lot around others so she doesn't really open up a lot anymore. BONUS if she knew Dazai at that age because maybe her family worked for the PM so she used to talk to Mori and stuff. Sorry if this is too much LOL!!! Anyways byeee!

Dear nonsie: – HIIII DEARRIEEE THIS IS LITERALLY AN AMAZING REQUEST ILOVETHIS SO SO MUCH ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE IT AS COOL AS POSSIBLE MWA MWA THANKUUU FOR BEING MY FIRST REQ EHEHEHE

CW; underage activities, implications of improper conduct, cussing

If any of the items listed above bring you discomfort, please click off immediately. Also click off if at any point you feel uncomfortable reading. Your mental health and safety is worth more than a fic. No beta

𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑠𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑛g

Amidst the bustling and busy city of Yokohama, there were always a few corners which would stay covered in shadows.

Oftentimes more than not, these corners were full of the strings that set the scene for the city.

Strings made up of fear, protection, money and rules. Namely they were the most important establishments in the area: the Port Mafia, whose name alone would send shivers down a civilian's spine, the armed detective agency, who, even if not known of by most, ensured safety for all kinds of people, regardless of gender, age or status, and finally, the government itself, with it's ever changing rules and controversies, along with its hand hand in all lives visible to the light.

Yokohama's shadows were busy.

Yet in the night where all guards were a bit low, would be a small piece of heaven, within the home of Dazai Osamu.

—

Moonlight filtered through the clouds into the home, casting a ray of light that split his room in half, before eventually engulfing the wall opposite to the window entirely.

In the shadow of this light, sat a man and his lover, in a peaceful silence that spoke thousands of words.

Dazai Osamu, Osamu to his beloved, was never a shy person. in fact, he was the exact opposite; bold and extroverted. The same thing could not be said for the woman sitting next to him, with her knees propped up to her chest and her chin resting upon her arms. Her face was beautiful in the moonlight, just as it had always been ever since Dazai had met her. Her face had remained unchanged, she still had that same soft gaze she got when she was lost in the forest known as her thoughts.

Those eyes, the eyes that had the same formation as a piece of crystal topaz, glanced over to him for a splitting second, then went back to whatever they were previously looking at.

She seemed to be the same, yet a lot had changed. A lot had changed since Dazai met her, a lot had changed before he met her.

The daughter of the PM's best informat and spy was different.

She was no longer what she used to be.

The sassy, clever girl who always had a whole line of defense ready in a split second when she felt she was going to be insulted, had changed. It was hard to determine whether that change was the best thing that had happened or if it was just like any other change, only happening due to a few overlapping coincidences, without true purpose. Yet, one thing seemed evident and it was that the one loved by the moonlight gracing the night had broken free of one of the many shackles of life.

People say that the most important stage in a person's life is childhood as it shapes their personality, morals and values. The upbringing of a person plays all sorts of roles in the actions they take. The job of a parent is to ensure their child is brought up in such a way, they can be a decent, kind person. Kids learn from the adults around them, so they need a good environment to grow up in. A proper environment ensures a child does not engage in acts which may harm themselves or the people around them.

In the eyes of parents, that was just an unnecessary extra step.

It didn't matter what happened to the kid, as long as the parents got to keep their honor and dignity, they were alright.

It was the life of many children all over the world, and the life of the daughter of the mafias slyest dog.

Often times, she would be seen pacing the halls, waiting for someone or maybe, something. Sometimes she would catch a glimpse of a mop of brown hair and bandages, complaining lazily or playing games on his switch. It would be reasonable to talk to him, to at least chase away her boredom for some time, yet it felt too immature and childish for the girl, who instead decided upon chatting with her parents' boss, Mori Ougai, head of the port mafia.

To the average person even attempting to talk to Mori was like a death wish, yet for the little woman, it was a task as easy as breathing itself. Maybe it could've been the boss's preference for younger people to talk with, but nobody would dare to say that. After all, everyone wanted to keep their heads in their shoulders. Well, everyone, except for a certain executive.

Days would go by as the girl talked to the boss, yet even he had his fair share of work, so alone she would be again. No one to talk to, no one to show off to, no one to look after her. Most importantly, no one to give her attention.

Two years would pass this way, till² finally, she managed to find a perfect escape, which was the small, nameless pub the girl found within the midst of an assortment of random buildings ranging from average, copied and pasted cafes to strange restaurants and cheap, run down hotels.

It was the perfect place for her, really. People bored out of their minds were always ready to lend an ear and listen to whatever she wanted to say, those on the smarter side had no problem with holding a conversation, spinning in the roundabout of topics till they found something better to do. She would sometimes even receive gifts from few people. It was a seemingly warm place, yet it was evident that the people only liked the girl because of her youth. She herself knew that, yet it was still hard to give up all this ‘love’ and attention for such a truth. It didn't matter what happened, as long as you were seen, right? Well that's what the sheep dressed in the clothes of a wolf said.

Eventually she would end up drinking, whether it be due to a stupid little dare or something else, she ended up ingesting alcohol willingly. It should be noted that when people say alcoholic drinks make one reckless, they definitely are not lying. After all, more than once has the young woman woken up in an older man's bed, whom she barely recalled. More than once has she ended up at parties, moving her body against that of a strangers. It was all supposed to be amazing. It was all supposed to keep her happy, keep her loved and acknowledged. Yet there was only one truth;

It was horrible.

Those touches, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes, it all felt disgusting. It made her feel horrible, it made her feel disgusting. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, where did she go wrong? Well, it was clear. The idea of catching the eye of strangers, especially that of old businessmen, was horrible in itself, but doing that drunk was a certain recipe for disaster.

It was a disaster that would leave tears upon her cheeks, on the path home. It was a disaster that would leave her crying in the arms of whoever that was walking in front of her, even if those arms were covered with a thousand bandages to hide wounds, old and new.

It was what would be the first root to their willow tree of adoration, and it was that encounter which would leave the two as the weaknesses of one another.

The things that happened due to that thunderstorm of an experience in each other's life had uprooted many trees, yet—it had proved to be the rainwater needed to grow a new, healthier tree.

Sometimes Dazai would be left questioning, what would have happened if you hadn't made that decision—what would have happened if he hadn't been strolling through that very road at that very time? But that was a question to ponder upon for another time. For now, it was simply better to enjoy the fleeting moment and the sweet silence of healing that came with it.

Y'ALL ISTG TS TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO WRITE I SWEAR I'M USUALLY NOT THIS SLOW 😭🤚—

On an extra side note, I had my literature exam today (26/5/2025) and when I tell you I came out the exam Hall with only ONE minute left and my hands and knees trembling 😭

I didn't see how long the qp was and no joke as I finish up my author's life short note and look at the remaining page, I see TWO WHOLE ASS SECTIONS AND 5 MINUTES LEFT ON THE CLOCK- LIKE GIRLLL 😭

The way I fully speedran the mcq and wrote a critical analysis of all the worlds a stage in that amount of time like that's a full on LIFETIME achievement (every critical analysis has to be over like 12 lines and facts) Im not surprised I could barely walk after the exam. Anyways I hope you enjoyed the fic (how did this thing take more than 3 days to write) and I hope you have a great day, see you around soon! :3

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

Humans? Up MY Beanstalk? It's More Likely Than You Think!

AO3 Link

Danny's back on her bullshit and here to make everyone suffer with another WIP that's part of a fic trade with my beloved @hiddendreamer67 <3

Summary: I mean, Jack made it all sound so easy! Climb up the beanstalk a few times, steal enough riches to last himself ten life times, and live happily ever after as a heroic giant slayer with absolutely no repercussions.

Seriously, how hard can it be?

Aiden was no stranger to life events going from bad to worse at the drop of a hat, but more often than not he was able to go with the turbulent flow just enough to keep his head above water and out of any serious trouble. Such a feat was most evident in his adaptation to living within the labyrinth-like walls of the oversized castle he had foolishly sought refuge in weeks prior. Had it been weeks? Months, perhaps, or maybe only a handful of days. The passage of time was just as foreign to him as these massive surroundings, these massive people , and he didn’t have the gall to weasel his way towards an opening near the outside to gauge how high or low the sun was sitting in the strangely pink sky.

The irony was almost funny; where was that fool hearted bravery he had been swimming in when he first started his ascension up the winding stalk that sprouted who knows how many decades ago to reach its impressive height? He knew the stories of young boys trading cows for beans and getting far more than they bargained for. He knew it was down right suicidal to scale the plant in general given he hadn’t a lick of training when it came to climbing anything other than a ladder. The opportunity to live within a legend was too good to pass up, unfortunately. The flimsy promise of riches and adventure beyond his wildest dream outweighed the need to even consider how he was going to get back down from the towering growth when he was inevitably disappointed by the lack of golden eggs.

But he didn’t succumb to the thin air or fall to his death, and he wasn’t disappointed. If anything, he was given everything he envisioned. Almost everything. When he broke through the cloud line, he discovered the vine had tapered off in favor of clinging to a cliff side he was unaware even existed from below. Green tendrils served as almost a ladder to aid his climb up the mysterious rock formation until he was able to pull himself, huffing and panting and muscles tingling from overuse, over the edge to collapse on horizontal land. So the fabled kingdom of riches didn’t actually rest on the clouds, it seemed. A small let down, but hardly anything worth dampening the mood as Aiden took in his new world view.

He felt as if he had switched places with a weevil seeing how the small patch of grass he was in came up to his chest rather than swishing against his ankles. The euphoria of this great new discovery once again drowned out the more rational side of him, favoring exploration over potential survival. The logistics of returning home could be dealt with later, after he had slayed a giant and stolen only a penny of its wealth that would no doubt provide for him for the rest of his life. Naive. Gullible. Fool hearted.

Aiden had only trekked for a few hours before nearly getting swallowed up by a winged beast he likened to a bat, washing away over the edge of the cliff in a stream, and getting trampled by hulking soldiers doing their rounds. Each close call he survived by the skin of his teeth, luck and adrenaline driving him blindly to find a moment of safety. However, with each incident his bravery withered away into trepidation, especially the closer he came to the giants that roamed the lands. None of them had noticed him yet and part of him wondered if they would ever notice something as miniature as him scurrying around, but he wasn’t feeling bold enough to stay out in the open just for their reaction. No, once he had slipped into the fortress of metal and stone, out of sight from any predator's eyes, the will to venture back out had faded into near nothingness.

If he had it his way, he doubted he would ever again have the gung ho to leave the confines of his newfound sanctuary, not even for the bittersweet desire of returning home. He had made his bed in his haste to seek glory out of tall tales and now he must lie in it. Though his heart ached with anxiety and his hands ceased to tremble, his traitorous stomach refused to let him continue a life of solitude amongst the dusty beams. A weaker part of him couldn’t help but wonder if it would be worth it to live with the gnawing pain until it eventually overtook him. A fitting end, would it not, to starve to death like a rat in the walls? Alas, he was weak, but not weak enough to endure such aggressive cramping by the end of the second day, and so he mustered all the strength and courage he could just to snatch a few stale breadcrumbs long forgotten behind what he assumed was a cast iron stove.

Aiden truly was living up to his new rodent lifestyle, wasn’t he.

It was disgusting, but it was food, and though it made him ill the remainder of the night it had at least provided him with enough energy to go back out the next night in an effort to find something an inch more sustainable. By the end of the week, his newly discovered drive to live had him exploring every corner of the expansive kitchen during the wee hours of the night, when no giants hurried back and forth between the counters and the galley to serve platters of meals that could have fed his own village for months at a time. The rich smell of hot breads and meats made him dizzy, even more so now that he was getting accustomed to surviving off of dusty scraps he found on the floor. He needed to play it safe, he reminded himself as he watched one of the chef’s throw out an entire pan of fresh loaves because there’s too many chives in this! It’s too bitter for his tastes! , hardly resisting the urge to dive into the bins after the wasted food.

But...if they were so keen as to throw away an entire batch of fully prepared food over the fact that it was unsuitable for one person’s palette...surely there was no harm in taking what would be considered a nibble. Not when it was unwanted.

There it was again, that fool hearted bravery. If only Aiden had used it to find a way out of this unofficial prisoner rather than fuel his greed. He couldn’t be happy with the bare minimum he was given, could he? Always had to push the boundaries when he knew exactly where they lied, always run headfirst towards danger and then act surprised when it would bite him in the ass moments later. At least this time around he had the forethought to formulate some type of a plan, as flimsy as it was. Having become quite familiar with the inner structures of the fortress, he was able to determine the abode he was in was something along the lines of a castle. It was certainly sprawling enough, decorated with dark colors and glittering riches and constantly bustling with workers ranging from lowly servants to chittering socialites. Whether or not this was indeed a house for royalty he was unsure, having never been able to pinpoint which of the ambling lords or ladies might be the esteemed ruler of the lands. Assuming monarchies even existed this high, that is. Perhaps this was merely the norm of their society’s standards. It was unlikely, but it wasn’t as if he had many outside resources to compare this way of life to, not even in the way of his own village.

In theory, the heist should have been easy. In theory . All he had to do was wait until the dead of night for the bustling kitchen to fall silent as it normally did and he could slip out from the crevice closest to the scraps bin. Scaling in and out of the bin might prove trickier than he anticipated, but that remained a problem for future Aiden. The most important part of his newfound mission was being able to fill his stomach up with day-old bread and cold meats before they were discarded for good. If all went well, this could easily become a nightly routine of his, a way to feast like a king whilst living like a rat within the true royalty’s walls. He knew he was getting ahead of himself with that kind of fantasizing, perhaps that was even the beginning of his downfall, but he had so little to look forward to these days that he dared to get his hopes up for a semi-decent meal.

He hadn’t even made it halfway across the counter before he was spotted and subsequently captured.

But he had been so careful , he lamented to himself when the air was roughly knocked from his lungs after a massive hand slammed on top of him, pinning any squirms. True, he reflected as the stars cleared his vision, he never actually bothered to see if the kitchen remained vacant all night given that he was asleep...but he just assumed! Who in the world would be up during this hour!? Someone else sneaking a snack, maybe, just as he was. He could use that to his advantage, try and gain a few sympathy points by connecting with the giant on that level, convince them that all he needed was just a fraction of whatever they were probably getting for themselves and he would be on his way for good. A lie, of course, but the giant didn’t need to know that.

Once more, that short lived plan would never be put to use when Aiden felt himself being lifted in the air within a bone crushing grip, metal and leather digging into him in various places from the glove the giant wore. His eyes barely adjusted from the dizzying movements and dim kitchen before they were blown open at the sight, constricted breathing still entirely for a heartbeat. This was no ordinary giant, not like the ones he had grown accustomed to glancing at from the nooks and crannies. At first glance, however, it did fit the bill for the most part -- biped, guard’s armor, a human face -- but...did these giants typically have glowing purple eyes? He couldn’t recall for certain, yet the more he looked the more he found that appeared off. The outline of the guard’s figure seemed...fuzzy, like they were blurred rather than a solid defining line. His face, harsh and scrutinizing, was greyer than a corpse. He was otherworldly, and it was at that moment Aiden was painfully reminded he was in another world, one he didn’t belong in. One he knew he would be leaving quickly.

“You shouldn’t be here,” the guard rumbled, his voice grating more like static than a growl.

“N-no…” Aiden agreed. Anything to get on his good side. “I’ll go, I’ll l-leave!”

Though he had found his voice, he had yet to find the strength to attempt any kind of struggle, not that he thought he’d be able to budge the massive fingers in the slightest. However, if he showed just how eager he was to depart from this situation, maybe the giant would believe him and grant him that small mercy. Instead, he was given another rough squeeze that made his spine pop, the fist clenching him raising higher so that he was more at eye level with his captor.

“How did you get in here, human? ” The guard spat. Good news was that humans were a known creature, at least. Bad news was that humans, apparently, were not known for any pleasant reason.

Aiden panted, trying to suck in a much needed breath after all of his were forced out. “I-I don’t know…” He squealed in discomfort when the fingers tightened again, refusing to let up until he gave a more satisfactory answer. “Th-the walls! I came through the walls! ”

The guard snorted and slackened his grip to allow an inch of breathing room, “Of course you did. Little pest that you and your kind are.”

“Wh...what are you…?” A bold question, but since he was sure it was to be one of his last, Aiden saw no reason not to ask.

He wasn’t given an answer, the giant instead lowering him slightly to exit the kitchen and pace down the halls. The scenery whizzed by so fast that it made his head spin, catching a few looks at other giants that were loitering about. Just like the guard, they were similar to the ones he would see in the daytime but...different. The two guards they passed looked to be of the same race of whatever the one holding him was, a noblewoman in a shimmering capelet eyed him suspiciously and he could have sworn her ‘capelet’ flittered before settling back down her shoulders. How had he never seen any of these attributes in the day? Then again, he often viewed the giants in the fortress at a distance and never for very long, they could have all been magically endowed for all he knew. Or, another theory, the ones he was coming across now were merely nocturnal and their more...normal housemates were sound asleep as he typically was while these creatures did their rounds and had their fun.

The wonderment was short lived when the giant shoved his way through a heavy wooden door at the very end of a lesser used corridor. With each step down the spiraling stone staircase, Aiden felt his heart sink just a little lower. The long shadows casting against the walls from the torches mounted to them gave the dank atmosphere an even more sinister vibe, leaving too many unknown things able to hide in the darkness. Even the guard, who did not appear to be an overly friendly fellow to begin with, looked twice as menacing with how the shadows concealed the few human features he did have. Aiden swallowed thickly, unsure of where they were heading but already knowing it wasn’t good.

His hunch was confirmed when the guard entered another hall, one lined with cramped cells that were partially occupied. He tried not to look at them and their fates, not wanting to see what might be awaiting him as well. Likely not, though. He was far too small to shackle and imprison. A different punishment would have to be in store for him. Further down the hall, the dungeon changed its holding cells from ones with iron bars to ones with solid steel doors instead, obscuring whatever poor bastard was locked within. Was that considered a crueler punishment? Perhaps that was where the torturing took place, if such types of creatures indulged in those acts. He saw no reason why they wouldn’t and as a result could very easily imagine himself being thrown in there next.

Fortunately, or not, the guard instead opened another wooden door that was adjacent to several of the isolated cells, coming to stand before another giant sitting at a table. Aiden couldn’t tell what was on the desk or what this new giant was using these unknown things for, but from the jist of it he must have been busy.

“Sir,” the guard holding him said while raising him higher for the presumably important one to see better. “A human has been found within the perimeter.”

The guard, a captain if Aiden were to guess, frowned. “Any others?”

“None that I could sense in the immediate area.”

He sighed and waved his hand. “We’ll do a sweep before daybreak. Who knows the amount of damage it’s done...what it’s taken, what it’s told.” He fixed Aiden with an icy glare that made the poor human try to shrink in on himself.

He wished he could have found a way to defend himself, plead his case, but his voice was nowhere to be found now. All cowardliness and no self preservation.

“And how shall I dispose of this one, sir?” The guard asked and Aiden paled. Dispose!?

The one in charge shrugged a shoulder and resumed what he was doing previously, fiddling with tools and books and papers for one reason or another. “Put it on lunch duty. Give the lizard another rat to keep him busy.”

Aiden didn’t quite follow the logic of the order. Lunch duty didn’t sound half as bad as being disposed of. The ‘lizard’ was news to him, but regardless the guard nodded at his order and left the office back down the corridor of steel doors. He wasn’t sure if he should speak up and ask for clarification while he mulled over his rather lenient sentencing, doubtful the giant would even regard him. From the looks of disgust and distrust he had been given numerous times in the short span of time he had been discovered, he could gather that his presence was an unwelcome one, though why he was still unsure. Evidently, he was going to be put to work and he could most certainly live with that. Earn his keep, he reasoned. Give rats to lizards or something. Would these rats and lizards be the same kind as the ones back on his homeworld down below or would they be to scale with the giants? Another question he should probably speak aloud before he got in over his head.

Or, at least, he would have asked, had a wad of cloth not been jammed into mouth hard enough to make his jaw click uncomfortably. He gagged, trying to shove the offending material out with his tongue, but it was packed into his cheeks too tightly to budge. A different material, a thin rope, was quickly wound around his chest to pin his arms to his sides before wrapping further down to bind his ankles. It had happened in the flash, the guard giving him no warning or reasoning for the sudden confinement, but it wasn’t as if Aiden could offer up much protest now that it was all said and done. He was completely immobile, spun up like a fly in a spider’s web. The guard had done it with such efficiency that it must be something similar to a routine for him by now which did not bode well. In a last ditch effort to save his hide from whatever...this was, he looked up at his captor with wide, pleading eyes, begging for just a shred of sympathy or at the very least an explanation of what was about to happen.

All he was met with was the same cold, violet eyes as all the other giants he had come to pass. Equally cruel and indifferent. And it was then he understood, as he was being roughly shoved through a hand slot at the base of one of the sturdy metal cell doors, that he was not the one who was meant to be delivering the meals during “lunch duty”. He was the meal. He was the rat, which meant the lizard was…

Aiden wriggled as best he could manage in his position until he was able to roll onto his back and get a good look around the cell. It was massive to him, but compared to the size of the giants he could tell it was rather cramped. Dark and depressing, much like one would expect a lonely prison cell to be, with the scattering of tiny bones and grime along the stone walls. His breathing quickened as he tried to tell just what type of origin the gnawed remains had been, however it was too difficult to tell at this distance in such gloom lighting. Perhaps that was for the best, giving his brain a little boost of reassurance that maybe they weren’t all human bones, that this wasn’t a common fate most of his kind befell when they made the same foolish mistake of invading where they clearly did not belong.

Trying to avoid the glare of bones only worsened his situation tenfold when he turned his head and was met with what was, obviously, the lizard as previously mentioned. Well, partially a lizard? More human-looking than lizard just going off a quick glance which led Aiden to believe the nickname was meant to be a derogatory term for whatever species it was. It...he? Yeah, he was kneeling on the floor, not by choice, but rather due to the shackles that bound him at the wrist and was tethered to the floor with a pitifully short chain. The clothes he wore reminded him of something he might have caught a few nobles wear given the level of craftsmanship and hand woven designs. It was a shame they were soiled now in what he could only assume was sweat and dirt, how he hoped that was dirt. The prisoner picked his head up when he heard the food slot screech open and shut, waiting for any other sound before sighing at the responding silence.

The chain jingled as he shifted to reposition himself into something a little more comfortable, Aiden now catching sight of the black nails that blended into scales littering the back of his hand when he flexed his fingers. A tail briefly flicked into view before concealing itself behind him once again. As the human let his gaze trail further up his face, fully prepared to see another hateful glare burning a hole through his weak soul, he couldn’t help but notice another spattering of black scales along his cheekbones and down his neck, presumably up to his eyes as well, but...well, he couldn’t tell. Not when there was a tattered, red cloth tied around his head, effectively blinding the sense. He wondered if this was an ailment the giant already had or if this was another part of his punishment, curious if he even had any eyes still in their sockets beneath the shoddy wrappings. Whatever the case was, the “lizard” obviously couldn’t see him and Aiden was unable to alert him to his presence with the gag shoved down his throat, leaving them at an awkward stalemate.

A stalemate that lasted all of two seconds before the giant wrinkled his nose and frowned. “The hell kind of rodent is this…? ” he muttered to himself.

So much for not knowing he was there. With great effort, Aiden twisted his body until he was able to turn on his side, trying to push himself up into a sitting position. He froze when the giant started to move as well, pointed ears twitching in response to the light scuffling he was making against the floor to pinpoint his location. Despite one of his senses being dulled, it was evident his remaining ones were still working in perfect order, maybe even heightened to compensate for the lack of vision.

“Another live one,” he sighed, fingers flexing again, “Sorry about this little buddy. I don’t like live prey any more than you like being it, I’m sure, but, well…”

That was the only warning Aiden had before the giant lunged, teeth snapping an inch in front of his frozen body. From this close, he could see the needle-thin fangs previously hidden behind a grimace and instantly wanted to be far, far away from them. His only saving grace was the short lead the other had on his cuffs, preventing him from pushing off any closer and cutting him off just shy of his prize for the time being. He growled in annoyance at having missed the offered prey, pulling back to realign himself for a better pounce.

“Come on, just make this easy for the both of us,” the giant huffed.

Oh, absolutely not. No, no, no. No, this was not how Aiden wanted his adventure in the skies to end. Fuck the adventure, he wanted to go home and he wanted to do so alive and in one piece. Being ripped to shreds was not a fate he ever envisioned for himself. He wasn’t going to die like some...some rat!

The giant was inching closer, moving along the side as much as the chain would allow to get a better angle. It didn’t matter whether he ensnared the tiny between his claws or teeth or even batted its little corpse within reaching distance with his tail, so long as he was able to get a hold on its fresh flesh one way or another. Desperately, Aiden began to rock back and forth to shimmy his body across the floor, painstakingly putting centimeters of distance between them that the giant was able to make up in a single shuffle. When the chain pulled taunt again, the human rolled to the side and narrowly missed the clamp of teeth once more, hot breath blowing against his back and covering his body in goosebumps. Undeterred, however, the giant followed his scent that was so tantalizingly close and moved his body in unison with Aiden’s. With another bite, he was able to find purchase on the ropes that burned against his arms and sunk his fangs in what he supposed was meant to be an animal's tender flesh.

Aiden had tried to avoid the attack but simply could not scramble away quick enough, his only luck being that he was just far enough that the gnashing teeth only managed to puncture through the fibers of rope rather than his actual skin. He was lifted into the air when the giant pulled back, kicking and thrashing to the best of his ability against the hold. The humid air blowing on the back of his head made him nauseous now, only able to envision how the feeling would quickly be enveloping him entirely when he was thrown back and swallowed down the creature’s gullet. With one, final twist, Aiden prayed his limited strength would be enough to somehow dislodge himself from the giant’s maw and give him another chance at playing this unbalanced game of chase.

And then the rope snapped.

Having already been sawed and frayed in several places from the giant’s fangs, Aiden’s pull was all it needed to rip apart entirely, sending the human sprawling onto the cold ground. His vision clouded when his head smacked against the stone, ironically thankful for the wad of cloth in his mouth or he most certainly would have lost a few teeth. Without a doubt, he was going to have a nasty bruise coloring the majority of his right side in the near future, the ache still pulsing with every wheezing breath he tried to gain back. While the stars faded from his eyes, he watched distantly as the giant curiously grinded the material in his mouth before dropping it. He pursed his lips in confusion, expecting raw meat and the rush of blood rather than some scratchy coils of what almost tasted like hide.

“Gods, what even is this,” he cringed.

Me , Aiden wanted to cry out, it’s me, it’s a human!

The giant’s hang up with his unusual meal faded into resignation much sooner than Aiden would have liked. He was hardly to blame, though, if he had been given nothing but live pests to blindly hunt down without the use of his full mobility for an undetermined amount of time. They were in a similar boat, really. Creatures trapped in a home they had no business being in, trying to survive on what little scraps were thrown their way. The human sorely wished he hadn’t been relegated into the scraps category, but there was little he could do about that now. Knowing his prey had a pretty straight forward drop, he moved again with an open mouth to seal the foreign creature’s fate.

The sight of teeth rushing to greet him was exactly the adrenaline rush Aiden’s body needed to get moving again, much more successfully this time now that he had arms to push up with and legs to carry him a greater distance. As much as he would have loved to have sprinted to the other side of the cell, even find another crack to slip through if fate would feel the desire to be so kind to him today, he only managed to stumble a few feet out of the immediate danger zone before tripping over himself. His right leg screamed in agony from the second fall, a sign of something being sprained somewhere he was sure. He wanted to scream out loud as well had it not been for the gag. The gag he realized he could take out now. Unsure of how useful his last words would even be, the human ripped the wad of cloth out of his mouth in a frenzy while the giant prepped himself for another attack. If anything, at least Aiden could find catharsis in leaving some sort of statement about himself behind for someone to hear, even if it was just confirmation of his fool heartedness.

“Stop!” Aiden yelled, voice raw and itching his throat like it hadn’t been used in ages rather than half an hour. “Please, stop! G-get away! ”

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting the giant to do as a result, but one thing was clear and it was that he most certainly wasn’t expecting his meal to say anything. He reeled back like he had been physically struck by those words, if his eyes were visible he was sure they would be as wide as serving platters. It was almost comical how he stumbled back, the menacing creature suddenly so fearful of a tiny vermin it was trying to consume moments prior, mouth agape as he tried to process what was going on without being able to actually see it.

“You...did you just, oh my gods,” he gasped. While he was glad he was being spared for the time being, the giant’s nervousness did little to quell the anxiety that had been brewing in Aiden’s heart since the moment he came upon this accursed land.

“Ple-please…” Aiden whimpered, suddenly drained physically and emotionally from the whole ordeal and settling to just drag himself any extra distance he could away from his unofficial death penalty. It was a pathetic display, but on the bright side, one he wouldn’t be mocked for. “Don’t h-hurt me…”

The giant shifted again, hesitant, closer , and Aiden braced himself for the final bite to end it all.

“You can talk!? ”

[silverflame2724]

Have you ever how MDZS would've turned out if either JYL was also a demonic cultivator?

For this to make sense, I would like to say that I’m under the impression that resentful energy suppresses, not heals, wounds so taking it away would open all wounds up. 

Now then, because of how this question is formatted, I have three different takes:

If JYL was a demonic cultivator alongside WWX but had her core:

So, in this scenario, JYL might have wanted to help during the war but her core wasn’t strong enough to support her. She saw how helpful WWX’s demonic cultivation was but also how it had hurt him and wanted to take some of the burden off of him. 

So WWX tries to refine it for her in a way that won’t harm her core. JYL, of course, notices how different the method WWX taught her was in comparison to what he was doing. She also noticed that WWX did not code any of his notes and had heard the whispers of those jealous of his power. So she made him code his notes into something that only JC, her, and WWX would know how to read. She helps with the war effort and calms WWX when the resentful energy gets too much. 

JYL realizes how irritated she is getting and gets LWJ or some Lan to help play for her after every battle she uses resentful energy in. And then she gets confused. Why does WWX not do the same thing? Something must be up. She confronts WWX who avoids the question like there’s no tomorrow. Of course, JYL stares him down for a few days and then WWX finally gives. He tells her to keep it a secret that he has no core and that the resentful energy is the only thing keeping his body together. JYL is extremely protective™, afterwards and keeps her promise to say nothing to anyone. 

LWJ’s “come back to gusu” now sounds like a threat whereas before she thought it was worry. She tells LWJ to stop/what his intentions are because she knows that LWJ helped search for WWX desperately for 3 months. LWJ struggles for words and she understands how difficult voicing out your true feelings is as she has dealt with WWX and JC. She waits patiently until LWJ says something along the lines of “I am worried about him” or “I want to protect him.” So JYL asks if that isn’t what WWX wants, will he still continue this. LWJ says a hesitant “no.”

JYL then drags - maybe in a more polite way - LWJ over and says to WWX, “this one wants to protect you,” and LWJ nods, embarrassed. WWX is confused. 

The war continues and then ends and while JYL stops demonic cultivation, she understands that WWX can’t and also understands the Seal cannot be destroyed without WWX dying. So when JGS asks about the Seal, with JC’s explicit permission, JYL says that they’ll destroy it but not now. WWX is nervous about that because he needs to protect the Jiang sect. JYL calmly talks him out of it and says he can still use demonic cultivation with her to protect the sect; he’s not alone. 

WWX agrees and manages to come up with something (with LWJ’s help) to destroy the seal, which he does, later, in public. Afterwards, the Wen thing happens but WWX decides to talk it out with JYL who decides that the better course of action is to talk to a drunken Jin Zixun and find out the location of the Wen Remnants. After which, JYL tells WWX to go at night with LWJ to free the Wens and take them to a secure location in Yunmeng. WWX is skeptical about letting LWJ come along but JYL says “you need someone you trust to help you get there faster, right?” So WWX reluctantly agrees and LWJ nods along and helps WWX to get to Qiongqi Path and leads the Wens away secretly to the safehouse that JYL pointed out. After the banquet, JYL helps get clothes so that the Wens aren’t recognized and slowly integrates them into the town nearby.

Afterwards, JYL pushes WWX together with LWJ after several long painful months of them skirting around each other before focusing on her own relationship where Jin Zixuan is trying his damn hardest to court her. JGS is still a creep and a power-hungry bastard though and Jin Guangyao still wants to please his father. JYL is not stupid and while she is distracted by how cute Jin Zixuan is, she can recognize the greed at which JGS stares at her. She doesn’t do anything though, even if JGS has been subtly (not so subtly) implying to share demonic cultivation techniques. There isn’t much she could do until a strange attack leaves JGS near-death. JYL had nothing to do with it, of course. Nothing at all. JGS had stolen some of her A’ Xian’s talismans that attracted evil, so he only had himself to blame. No one saw those talismans though since they had burned to a crisp, so all’s well that ends well!

If JYL lost her core and became a demonic cultivator with WWX:

In this scenario, JYL lost her core because WZL got her too somehow. WWX would still try to find a way to lessen the effects even if it wouldn’t be too effective. JYL still realizes something’s up and feels herself getting more irritated but when she tells WWX about getting a Lan to lessen the effects, WWX panics and says no! JYL then asks why and WWX will have to tell her because removing the resentful energy will kill them. And then JYL is like “us?” and WWX realized what he just said. So now JYL knows he’s without a core but she also knows that WWX wasn’t caught by WZL like she and JC were and demands answers. Which WWX is veryy, very reluctant to give. But he does so anyway.

JYL hugs her brother and says that they’ll figure something out. WWX cries too and nods. LWJ still tries to help WWX but JYL, under the same ill effects of resentful energy, finds it more difficult to find the worry in LWJ’s words. But nevertheless asks him what his deal is. LWJ is unable to formate words and JYL’s temper is cut short so she yells “you’re planning on punishing my brother, right?” because she remembers Gusu Lan rules as well. LWJ is like, “no.” But he finds it difficult to speak and says, “not punishment”. JYL feels how the resentful energy is getting to her but tries to calm down. LWJ wants to help WWX and JYL very calmly says, “if you try to purify the resentful energy, you’ll kill us, understand?” LWJ then panics because he did not know that, sees WWX, apologizes and says he’d like to help.

WWX is very stubborn about not needing help but JYL is not and accepts on their behalf because they do need the help. The war continues and both JYL and WWX try to help as much as they can but the resentful energy is bad and even worse for WWX who’s using the Seal. Luckily, the war ends.

But both JYL and WWX are in horrible shape and JC is very worried and very mad (at WWX, for teaching her, and at JYL, for pushing herself). LWJ manages to use his music in a way that doesn’t harm them, though, so they’re both fine but JGS is still a horrible person who wants JYL to marry Jin Zixuan and well, JYL is a woman. She has to get married. But she can see the greed in JGS’s eyes and decides that no matter how much she likes Jin Zixuan, it wouldn’t be good to go to the Jins. Not until JGS is dead, of course.

Normally, she wouldn’t be so prone to murder but resentful energy does wonders in that regard. She gets rid of JGS in a way that wouldn’t make any blame fall onto her or WWX. With the threat out of the way, she allows a relationship with Jin Zixuan and helps WWX get together with LWJ. The Seal still gets destroyed somewhere along the line.

If JYL was the only demonic cultivator:

In this scenario, JYL found out about the golden core transfer and offered hers instead because WWX is an asset and it wouldn’t make a difference if she had no core or not. She’s thrown into Burial Mounds but survives because of her love for siblings or something like that. Also, because WWX always told her of his crazy idea which included the resentful energy manipulation. WWX would still try to help lessen the effects but not much can be done unless he goes on the path too, which he does because he’s not letting his sister do this alone. It’s more difficult for him though cause he has to be wary of not corrupting his core which he is able to do with help from LWJ. 

JYL cannot handle the resentful energy very well and it shows. WWX tries to help but it doesn’t go very well. He still creates the Seal which lessens the burden on JYL’s shoulders but still doesn’t lessen the effect of resentful energy on her. At the end of the war, she’s at the end of her line and she’s very close to death. LWJ offers purification to help and WWX refuses. He understands her situation and it will kill her to remove the resentful energy. JC blames WWX for JYL’s condition and WWX is so guilty, he throws himself into finding a solution, uncaring of his health. He’s eventually able to refine demonic cultivation to a manageable point and JYL wakes up not long later. He gives her his notes and she follows the instructions, finding herself not to be so irritable anymore.

Despite all this, JYL is still a woman and now even more desirable because of demonic cultivation. JGS will do anything to let her come into the family so that he can learn about her cultivation. JYL has a very short temper now though. And Jin Zixuan’s attempts at courting aren’t making her heart skip a beat. Then Wen Qing comes along, but it’s WWX who finds her, so he’s able to get to Koi Tower, trick (read: threaten) Jin Zixun into spilling the location, brings LWJ and NMJ along (because he doesn’t want to offend anyone with how fragile the Jiang sect is) and they free the Wens. 

Seal is somehow destroyed, WangXian gets together, but Jin Zixuan and JYL’s relationship takes a loooong while to bud, if at all.

_________

Phew. This took a while to write.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

DoA megapost (22 confessions)

Mod: So https://true-bjd-confessions.tumblr.com/post/189300138511/mod-due-to-excessive-offtopic-arguing-in-the

All you guys’ pending DoA confessions presented in no specific order, before we move into the hold, as announced above.

To be clear: I think this is a feature DoA should have yesterday. It’s completely inappropriate to force people to use deadnames and names which are related to traumatic life experiences, or be banned. 

However, *weary sigh, gesturing at the multiple 70+ reply confessions on this topic* people told me they were finding the rapidly escalating discussion to be upsetting and offputting, and that’s not my goal for this blog. ❤️

1.

I am exceptionally weary of all the DoA hate over the person who got banned over making a new account after not being allowed to change their user name. DoA isn’t the only doll forum out there. If you don’t like their rules, don’t join. I for one find their rules about on- and off-topic dolls to be unfair and arbitrary as hell, but in the end it comes down to their house, their rules. Move on.

~Anonymous

2.

Us: Sure would be nice to maybe be able to change your name on DOA.

Some of y’all: Are you asking for anarchy?? If we allow this, what’s next?? A reasonable review of outdated rules??? The rules are there for a reason!!1! The reason may be antiqued because technology has updated and changed since then, meaning there are better solutions available, but it’s still a reason so we DEFINITELY should NEVER change!! Change is too scary for me. :( You’re bullies who want to be special :((( Stop that :(

~Anonymous

3.

I love seeing people get so offended at anon saying “bigots”. How do you know it was about you ? Guilty conscience? DOA could allow name changes if they really wanted to. There are other hobbies where they forbid certain people from entering forums while still allowing name changes. It’s not hard if you really care.      

~Anonymous      

4.

Honestly the way people fall all over themselves to defend DoA against any sort of criticism (regardless of how you personally feel about the validity of said criticism, reader) makes me glad I never got into the community aspect of this hobby. It's just... stressful.          

~Anonymous  

5.

The transphobia in the comments on this blog in particular are so gross. Being a bigot makes your dolls instantly hideous. And no, I’m not saying everyone who is defending DOAs decision is transphobic. I’m talking about the one who thinks trans people transitioning is wrong and their friends. You’re gross and so are your dolls.

~Anonymous  

6.

scammers can & will get around DOA's no name change policy, it's really not that safe. also, DOA isn't the only website which allows the sale of high-value items.

~Anonymous  

7.

First it's "if you want name changes coded in DoA, offer to do it yourself!", then it's "why tf would DoA accept some rando to help code their site?" make up your goddamn mind, your argument is falling apart. 

Also when did this issue become "DoA vs trans people"? Like, I like DoA yet I also recognize it should be more accessible and updated for the modern userbase. I want it to become as good as it can be because I like the community and would hate to see it die out like so many other forum sites do. Yes, it has flaws- and believe me, the folks who get extremely upset about the idea of admitting that embarrass me- but I liked the format since I was new to the hobby. I just wish it was more inclusive!    

~Anonymous    

8.     

girlisav3rb: "this isn't about exclusion or leaving anyone out". Also girlisav3rb: "I'm just kicking your punk ass off [obvious metaphor for DoA]" yyyyiiiiikkkees      

~Anonymous    

9. 

The DOA username debate is really starting to feel like 4 people's personal beefs against each other. It isn't really about dolls and I wish it wasn't dominating all the confessions here. I don't really care about watching pomoaples, pupkinspce, aigisthewlve and tellmeifthursday make fools of themselves daily.        

~Anonymous      

10.

Say it louder for the people in the back: IF YOU INSIST ON NAME CHANGES FOR DOA, THEN VOLUNTEER YOUR CODING EXPERTISE. Don't know how to code and are just squawking about something you can't directly contribute towards? Then shut up or offer up money so the mods can hire a computer programmer to make the changes you're DEMANDING from a FREE service.        

~Anonymous

11.

God it's so painfully obvious to see how many of the people defending DoA on the grounds that name changes would destroy the integrity of the website have never ever worked on or even been part of a forum or really any website of any kind in their lives. Seriously arguing that "the database" would break if you changed a name like?? No??? Have you ever seen a server backend before? You can automate this shit, you know, keep a log of former names, just... it's not some big huge challenge??? 

~Anonymous 

12.           

I don't have a horse in the trans name change race but calling DoA one of the friendlies communities around is abject bullshit lmao. There's not a more elitist, paranoid, abusive community this side of comic books -- but that kind of goes for this hobby as a whole, let's be honest.           

~Anonymous     

13. 

THE RULES ARE IMPORTANT WE CAN't cHANGE THE RULES IT WILL LEAD TO CHAOS IF WE CHANGE ONE RULE WHERE WILL IT END THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!! In my town it used to be THE RULES that POC have to go to separate schools and use separate bathrooms, but sure, the rules are the most important thing, not the people. And before anyone says cOmPaRiNg DoLlS tO rAciSm, 1) shitting on trans people IS a form of prejudice you smoothbrains, and 2) my ass is POC and I call it like I see it. Check yourselves.            

~Anonymous   

14.   

I personally think DOA should just.. go away? It’s been around for years, most people use it as reference rather than a community anymore. Everything is on FaceBook and Instagram now, DOA is pretty much just a glorified Dolly Dictionary at this point. Besides, if they aren’t going to change an Incredibly simple, easy thing to change just to accommodate transitioning people, it’s not the best place to be.

~Anonymous  

15.

I mean about the whole rules is rules is rules thing about doa: the thing is, some rules are there for a reason and obviously do need to be respected whether you agree with them or not, like don’t block fire exits, murder is bad, etc. but some rules eventually become outdated and need to be changed to keep up with society, and that doesn’t make the people pointing out that they need to be changed evil or entitled or spoiled. Imagine if we all still had to drive 10 mph everywhere because when someone pointed out that car technology had improved since 1915 and the speed limit should be increased accordingly everyone had just shouted them down with “BUT TEH RUUULLLEESS!!!” You’d be pretty interested in getting some of this “special treatment” yourself so you could get to work on time, huh?

~Anonymous  

16.

Honestly the easiest solution would be let people change their names only once and have it trackable.. as a trans dude its NOT that deep.     

~Anonymous        

17.

I notice that the unrelenting attacks on DoA are now even using the same phraseology along with the name-calling and implications of sinister motives. These are textbook bullying tactics. Next is the boycott, except that most of these people already say they don’t use the forum because they are just too “21st Century” for it.

Luckily this is just a confession board and no matter how many folks you manage to rile up here, it’s not going to affect DoA. Now, this is why I love DoA–you can’t go on their own site and spew this nonsense. They have Rules. They are Strict. They attempt to avoid drama, especially off-topic drama, and they don’t allow meanness, vulgarity or obscenity. If you’re looking for a pleasant, safe space, it’s your best bet.

~Anonymous

18.

Easy to lay bigotry, laziness, stupidity and worse on DoA mods for not just accepting tales of trauma and pasts to erase.  But the internet has always been full of lies by people trying to get their own way or escape consequences. Not just pro scammers. People who cry things like illness, trauma, disaster, family or pet problems over and over to get sympathy for demands or as all-purpose excuses. Recast ownership lies. People who never got a no before, and don't like being turned down no-how.

~Anonymous

19.

I just realized that no one understands the people saying DOA can allow name changes are the people who have actually modded forums before, most forums unless they’re running a totally outdated system use user id numbers that are linked to display names, which can be changed, and you can write a simple string of simple-baby-code to show old display names on a profile, to explain it in simple terms.   

~Anonymous                    

20.

Honestly I think that the anti-name change people are mostly just shilling for DoA because they can't believe that their precious forum with its volunteer mods could be anything but flawless. Or something like that, given how indignantly these people have *always* reacted to confessions criticizing DoA, even before the trans controversy was a thing. There have definitely been some obvious transphobes as well though, whose bile is really more suited to conservative FB pages or something. Go away!          

~Anonymous

21.   

the DOA mods can obviously change people's usernames because it's 2019 and basically every other site in existence can do it. they might have to change the site slightly to accomplish this. maybe there are reasons for them to choose not to do that, but let's stop pretending it's some technological impossibility.

~Anonymous

22.

How about this: Implement a system on DoA that indentifies users by a unique code and allow users to have a changeable display name. Changing the display name could become a paid feature to pay for the technical changes. Think of a system like discord has. It's a win-win situation. Thoughts?            

~Anonymous

[martianarctic]

Devin’s Playlist -2010s Part 1

This is an unfinished retrospective look at what I listened to during the 2010s. This decade was exceptional for me, as it was the first decade where, for almost all of it, I was not a musician myself. 

Being a musician forces you to listen to music like a musician, and being free of that, and able to listen as a listener alone, really made this a spectacular decade for me. I found dozens of incredible albums that were released during the decade, many of which received no significant recognition.

This was a very large project, and I did not finish it. I made it through Retrowave, Shoegaze, and Post punk. If anybody cares, I will finish the entire project, which will add Dreampop (the largest category), Vaporwave, and Dark Ambient.

Retrowave: Retrowave is electronic music that, at first listen, sounds like it may be from the 80s or 90s, mostly because the synths it uses to generate the music are either retro-inspired or literally retro equipment in some of the more extreme cases. It generally features original compositions, often, but not always, is instrumental. Rough vocals would impede the tightness and angularity of the music, so when vocals are used they are often pop produced and highly melodic. This genre gained significant exposure from Nicolas Winding Refn’s 2011 masterpiece, “Drive”.

Galactic Melt (2011) Com Truise

Electronic artist Com Truise rose to prominence off of this fantastic record, which rallies around the undeniable electro anthem of 2012, “Brokendate”. Starting with some found audio (chopped and screwed found audio becomes a big deal later on in Vaporwave) and then dropping in an absolutely thick beat we’re met with a song that eventually, as layers are dropped on, ends up being meditative, romantic, and melancholy. Emotions to that point, not well associated with dance music, but definitely would come to color the entire decade.

Era Extraña (2011) Neon Indian

Electronic solo bedroom pop was pretty cool at the end of the 00s being pushed hard by guys like Twin Shadow. I am not sure how I got ahold of Neon Indian but this album was, in a lot of ways, the true start of my musical decade. I had not been so excited and enthusiastic about a record since I had retired from making music. It really gives you a new perspective to not feel like you’re in competition with everything and trying to learn from everything- just as a listener, I was enthralled with this entire record.

Visitors (2012) Lazerhawk

I did not get into dark retrowave until after 2013 and thus discovered Lazerhawk and this record after the fact. Visitors is, in my opinion, the best dark retrowave album ever made, more consistent and listenable than competitors such as mega drive or carpenter brut. Also. This album absolutely sticks the landing with the street-strutting powerhouse “Arrival”.

I am the Night (2012) Perturbator

Made famous by soundtracking the indie game hit Hotline Miami (one of the best games of the decade), Perturbator carved a niche for himself with fast, brutal, high energy dark electronic music and absolutely bonkers live shows. Perturbator has a large catalog of content- I am the Night is definitely the starter kit. Starting off with a thick minor chord, a church bell, and a sample of Peter Finch’s speech from “Network” you immediately know what’s in store- dark, dystopian and undeniably French electronic dance music, complete with breathtaking beat breaks, big bass synths, and complex compositions.

Innerworld (2014) Electric Youth

I had mentioned that Drive was a major popularizer of retrowave- and one song in particular, a collaboration between another retrowave artist named College, who created the low fi, catchy bassline for the song “A Real Hero”, and the vocals and lyrics, created by an artist called Electric Youth. Their record, 2014’s “Innerworld”, is one of the best retrowave efforts, with the second track, “Runaway”, even better than the song that made them famous. The pop chorus “Maybe we could just run away for good/cuz we’re both mis understood” soaring over thick, atmospheric synth pads will have you slapping the roof of your car, as you race through the freeways of LA at 3AM.

Atlas (2016) FM-84

Speaking of roof-slapping bangers, “Running in the Night” is probably retrowave’s most popular anthem, boasting one of my absolute favorite vocal performances of the decade. A group claiming rock and roll city San Francisco as their home base (despite being both British), FM-84’s Atlas is absolutely packed with a mixture of the atmospheric instrumental Miami Vice type music suggested by the red and purple setting sun cover as well as vocal driven pop songs such as the single mentioned above.

Hardwired (2018) Mitch Murder

Mitch Murder is a retrowave institution, having made the soundtrack to the viral youtube movie Kung Fury, and also, I suspect, the original music used by twitch personality Dr. Disrespect. However, he almost entirely releases 3-5 song Eps, making it tough to pick out a standout. However that all changed in 2018 with the release of Hardwired, the most accomplished mitch murder release to date. Starting off with the Jan Hammer style “Altered State”, it stays on brand throughout but tells a very unified instrumental story of cyberpunk dystopian adventure. Vangelis-style synths bring in the closer track, “Revision Control”, one of Mitch Murder’s greatest tracks. Evolving through different moods, different scenes, we can imagine the “human” protagonist confronting his cyborg nemesis he has been tasked to execute.

Retrowave Album of the Decade:

Dark All Day (2018) Gunship

As the decade wore on, retro wave slowed down for me. I thought it might be over but- without warning, Gunship, an artist I had listened to but not been completely impressed by, released what is probably the most accomplished album in the genre. Spanning various tempos and musical themes, utilizing several guest vocalists, the scope of “Dark All Day” keeps you listening to the record again and again. This record represents an evolution in a format that was at risk of being just a fad. “Come on lost boys, lets stay alive” over a ripping saxophone lead suggests mere 80s fetishism, but there is more substance than just that. The following track, “When you Grow Up, Your Heart Dies”, takes an upbeat electro jam, and really goes for emotional impact with a series of samples of characters from pop culture saying inspirational things, my favorite being “Everything worth doing is hard” which I think is just Teddy Roosevelt. My favorite track of the record, the slow ballad “Artemis & Parzival”, begins with swooning, Vangelis-style pads and then into guest vocalist Stella Le Page’s gorgeous vocals. This track definitely belongs on anybody’s make out playlist. “Were all gonna die that’s just how it is, there’s no escaping the future, nobody gets what they want in this world, even for you and me” is one of the greatest lyrics of the decade.

 Nugaze/Shoegaze-Adjacent: Shoegaze is a genre of music that features highly layered guitar effects (often run through 10 or more effects, creating a signature “vacuum cleaner” sound with a ton of distortion and white noise) and breathy vocals. Relying heavily on the depth of character of the sound, shoegaze guitar tone and production is a major creative point and almost all of these records are self-produced. Vocal themes are usually depression-inspired and lovelorn meditations, the music sounds, to most, dull and dreary, but to some, it speaks deeply to their feelings about the past and future. Shoegaze is often mixed with other guitar genres on this list, from Post Hardcore(Nothing, Title Fight), Black Metal(Deafheaven), and Thrash Metal (Astronoid).

Road Eyes (2010) Amusement Parks on Fire

Around 2010, I was promoted at my job to a new role that would require a bunch of travel. I was not a big fan of riding on airplanes. Also around that time, my brother had moved into my apartment, then out of it, and I only had a few months left on the lease. My favorite shoegaze band of the 2000s, Amusement Parks on Fire, played a gig at 330 Ritch, a club in san Francisco. I had a fantastic time at the show, and particularly loved their new material, which made it onto a record they called Road Eyes. 2 months later I moved out of my apartment in San Francisco and never would go back to living as a single dude.

Anyways, the travelling. The opening and title track to the record came to symbolize change for me. And it also was the song I would listen to every time my plane would take off. It helped me deal with the fear that something might happen- no matter how insignificant the chance – and if it did, while that song was on, it would be okay. Indeed, this was, and I will warn you I am not qualified to treat mental illness, but this actually really made flying much easier for me and it is a ritual I continue to do to this day, whenever possible.

Pipe Dreams(2013), Sway(2014), Feels like You (2019) Whirr

San Francisco nugaze/dronegaze band Whirr, large and complex, problematic, aggressive, are behind some of my favorite music of the decade. Their three album career reflects to me upon the primary feelings of youth: euphoria, anger, and sadness.

Pipe Dreams is a blissful set of jams, meditative, energetic uptempo and with almost totally co-ed vocals. Noisy production casts a hydrocarbon haze over the songs, raw vocal melodies reach out of the fuzz and suck you in. “Junebouvier” and “Toss” capture the euphoric and  youthful energy of a summer in San Francisco: starting off with breakups May thru July, and hot hookups until September or October when people settle into relationships. Two hungry eyes emerging from straight-bangs to make eye contact with you, and hold it- the exhilaration of touching somebody new.

Sway, the band’s masterwork, starts off with a heavily muff-distorted major 7th chord suspending us until the massive drums, now a hallmark of the band’s sound, kick off the beat into the opening rocker Press. The band switches up rhythms between drums, guitars, and bass to bring rock and roll-type turnarounds and breaks that really keep you on your toes and engaged. The lead guitar is classic legato shoegaze, using delay to achieve a long, sustained scream. Compositions are key on this record- not following just simple A/B patterns there’s some thought to the structure of the songs and record. “Dry”, in particular, demonstrates some of these ideas. A/B sections, underscored with “Drown me everytime… Dry”, give way to breaks, ethereal echo guitar solos, giving a hint of the powerful ending. A 4 chord progression accented by breathtaking drum fills finaly flourishes into a screaming cymbal-laden guitar finish.

Feels like You, the bands purported final album, starts off with some quiet echo piano. The melancholy major 7 chords the band has leaned on throughout their music are laid bare as we press play on the record. Add guitar. At a little after 90 seconds the band jumps in after with a thick blanket of lonesome self-reflection and chemical depression. The bands penchant for composition remains to the end, with changes keeping you engaged as the noise soothes your heart. “Younger than You” is one of the band’s greatest tracks, starting with an almost Smashing Pumpkins/Silversun Pickups esque clean unison guitar/bass into distorted and layered noise, ending with a drum-guided, rock and roll style outro.

 Guilty of Everything (2014) Nothing

One of the things I mention in my preface to this is, for me, the 2010s were the first decade of my life that ended with me not being a musician. And it opened some doors for me, creatively, to be able to hear music and think about it purely as a listener and a person. Something others have frequently described to me, that I had never really done, was just spend an entire weekend listening to an album.

I saw Nothing on KEXP 5 years ago when Guilty of Everything was out and they were on tour. I’ve seen them twice in person since them and bought every one of their records. The weekend that I got Guilty, I was attending a close friend’s sisters wedding, and pretty much was in a hotel room drunk in overcast-as-fuck santa cruz all weekend. And you know what was being played through headphones at practically all times.

Nothing is mostly the musical project of a guy named Dominic Palermo, a punk from the Philly scene that had spent more than a year in prison for a stabbing. He isn’t much of a vocalist or guitarist, but he is a fantastic artist, writer, photographer, and visionary, and the creative force behind what is now a rotating cast of other musicians.

Guilty of Everything is definitely their best record, opening with the massive meditation Hymn to the Pillory, into the definitive single Bent Nail, a perfect marriage of hardcore punk and shoegaze elements, falling apart into the 90mph crash, into a wall, final outro chorus “If you feel like/letting go…” repeated over and over over pure drone guitars, seamlessly flowing into the romantic slow jam “Endlessly” The closing title track is one of the best closers of the decade, perfectly sticking the landing on this brilliant lyric: “My hands are up, I’m on my knees I don’t have a gun, you can search me please. I’ve given up, but you shoot me anyway, I’m guilty of everything. I’m guilty of everything”.

Hyperview (2015) Title Fight

Nothing wasn’t the only Pennsylvanian post-hardcore band to bend their sound a bit shoegaze. Title Fight also sneaks onto this list with their outstanding record Hyperview from 2015. Appealing compositions and melodies combine with harmonized vocals, even some 16 beats on the hats- things we expect from post hardcore, but slowed down and smeared out a bit into the shoegaze aesthetic. My favorite track from the record, “Hypernight”, combines some screamo hype man chorus, math rock inspired guitar and bass lines, and is just all in all one of the most unique tracks to come out of the decade. “I don’t want to see things differently, its what I am taught myself to believe”.

Grandfeathered (2016) Pinkshinyultrablast

I admit that I bounced off of Russian electro-shoegazers Pinkshinyultrablast the first time I listened to them a few years ago. There was just too much going on and I didn’t really have the inclination to jump in and grab on. Operatic female vocals, noisy djenty guitar, shimmery, clean guitar, all swirl together in what is undoubtably a great record for having a tinder date IF, and I say IF, you’re willing to run a musicological acid test on them.

Whether it was listening to a bunch more music, particularly ambient music, or just changing taste now I can’t get enough of this band. They do slam from idea to idea in a song, but it’s a controlled speed- it’s not pleasant to a lot of people, but once you get yourself situated, you’ll wonder how you ever missed this band to begin with, if you’re not one of the people reading this and thinking, naw dude, I got this shit RIGHT AWAY.

The compositions on the record are, in fact, carefully considered and composed, combining noise rock with clean ambience deftly and changing up styles repeatedly throughout each song and the record. Everybody knows we can no longer control dynamics via volume in today’s world of headphone/device listening,  ultramaximizing mastering, laptop speakers, etc. So Pinkshinyultrablast controls it with style. This record is definitely the more guitar-driven of the albums from this decade, with their release 2 years later being more electronic and vocal focused.

Slowdive (2017) Slowdive/My Bloody Valentine (2013) mbv

There are two bands that are credited with creating and or popularizing the Shoegaze movement during the late 80s and early 90s. Those bands are My Bloody Valentine, and Slowdive. Both of whom released albums during the 2010s. And frankly, both records are damn good for two bands that have been basically on hiatus for 20 years. Neither has really stood the test of time for me, although I listened to both exhaustively upon release. 

The opening tracks of both records are absolutely mesmerizing, this slow, sexy intro is clearly the part of them that became stronger with age. The manic rock energy of their more upbeat tracks however is absent or at least forced, and I think is what keeps these from being really what I’d call strong records. Nevertheless, both albums belong on any shoegazer’s playlists both for the quality of the music as well as the nod to the progenators of the genre we love so much.

Time n Place (2018) Kero Kero Bonito

KKB was already one of the biggest indie rock groups in the world when they released this their second full-length album. Making a big move sound-wise from super squeaky clean hip hop style production to sloppy shoegaze guitars and drums, they alienated a lot of fans with Time n Place, but I don’t see how. For me, coming in for Time n Place and then going back in the catalogue to Bonito Generation, I see it as a very natural progression. As the artists become more confident and mature, it’s natural they should explore some other emotions and moods.

That said I am not the usual KKB fan. Actually at their show in San Francisco in 2018 I was probably in the top 95 percentile of being an old fart. Around me, mostly twentysomethings on the first half decade, casually doing key bumps right on the show floor, something scared old gen Xers like me, still remembering their friend’s divorced dads in cigarette boats they sold for coke in the 80s, are still too paranoid to do. The crowd definitely starting pogo jumping at the chorus to “Only Acting” a grungy, poppy metaphor between acting on stage, and being young and in love.

Right after that, “Flyaway“ is the upbeat shoegazey manic anthem that really got me sucked into the band to begin with. Combining fuzzy guitars that are more reminiscent of Japanese rock bands of the 00s than shoegaze with a crystalline clear melodic vocal line from Sarah, this is the track where I grab a handful of dirt from my dying hill, and say if you don’t like this song, you don’t like the band, the record, or my musical taste.

Miserable Miracles (2018) Pinkshinyultrablast

Reinventing themselves record by record, Pinkshinyultrablast keeps on the cutting edge and doesn’t make a habit of anything. Miserable Miracles is more electronics driven, lead and pad synthesizers bringing in the music with their trademark soaring, operatic vocals. Guitars are present as well, but heavily stretched with cathedral reverb and long delay. A smoother sound than Grandfeathered, but well-poised to issue a majestic, meditative prayer such as “Find your Saint”, my favorite track. Like walking into a Germanic church on Sunday, the vocals rise to the ceiling forcing you to look up at the light breaking in through stained glass synthesizers. At about 100 seconds, all of the pieces drop in together to lift you into wherever it is you are going. “I used to talk- about it” brings the heavenly outro to bear, one of the most powerful musical moments of the decade.

Astronoid (2019) Astronoid

I am part of a few music groups on Facebook, and one of them mentioned this band, calling them “Dream Thrash”- a combination of dreampop and thrash metal. I’d say its more thrashgaze, with heavy effects/djenty guitar and the more whispery vocals than are a hallmark of the shoegaze genre, not the clear pop produced vocals that are the hallmark of dreampop.

That out of the way, this is possibly my favorite record of 2019. The opening track, “A New Color”, brims with energy and hopeful optimism and replaced Road Eyes as my airplane take off song. Right around 3 minutes in, when the plane is airborne and gaining climbing u to cruise, when we’re often breaking through the clouds, comes in possibly my favorite guitar solo of all time. On this record, Astronoid are unquestionably uptempo metal yet somehow at the same time being slow-changing enough to carry the emotional weight of shoegaze. The second track, “Dream in Lines”, is an aggressive, more metal-informed rocker, and the third is a power ballad that absolutely sealed the deal for me in terms of loving this album.

Other high points include the uptempo thrash jam “Breathe” and “Water”. Again infusing the metal, djenty mute strum guitar with soaring vocals and heavy backing harmonics, this record continues again and again to deliver head-banging jams that touch and heal a deep sadness in the soul. “Water” is a darker exploration, starting with a heavy chunky two-guitar & bass instrumental, virtuous breaks, and expansive echo and reverb. The band sounds like they are playing in the middle of an interstellar arena, fists human and alien in the sky.

The album sticks the landing with the penultimate track “Beyond the Scope”. This incredible song starts slowly, but upon reaching a turn, goes double-time as the melody and music climbs in pitch at 100 seconds in. This transition takes us into a greater urgency, with sustained, over-flying guitar notes keeping the harmony rich and complex.

Then, the beat drops out and a single guitar chord rings- “My hands are on my ears/They won’t stop ringing” smashes into your brain and your heart. Then again, the building section- “Feeble-minded/I can not decide/in my world, now I know/there’s no such thing as dying/so leave with a goodbye” and into another build and back to the chorus-

“My hands are on my ears/they won’t stop ringing”. I don’t think any lyric can better express the decade than that. If it were somehow possible for this album to end on this song, it would be at the head of this category.

Everything Starts to Be a Reminder (2019) Echodrone

As a former musician, I have a lot of friends who are musicians. I am very brutally honest about my feelings in music and that can make it awkward to have to comment on a friend’s hard work. Echodrone’s latest record made this very easy- the record is simply amazing. Echodrone’s earlier records bounced off of me a bit, but this one has just the right mixture of drone-drenched empty space, ethereal vocals, emotional anguish and euphoria, and a strong connection to the last 10 years in my mind. The tracks are named after the four seasons, starting with Winter and ending with Autumn. Interestingly, the tracks do not really stand out as being separate in my mind, much like how you cannot easily separate a season from another season in the same year.

“Winter” explodes with an epic, cymbal-laden meditation, that continues to grow and grow and expand, then finally becomes quieter, more melodic, and less drony in the second half of the 18 ½ minute song.

“Spring” features a finger-pick echo guitar interspersed with a beautiful co-ed vocal line guiding us down a pathway of different melodic and harmonic ideas. It then enters into a several-minutes long jammy contemplation that is utterly ecstatic to me- synths layered with effects-laden bass and more echo guitar into a full stop.

The best song on the record, “Summer”, begins with a vocal sample into a more or less straight-ahead rock and roll jam. This gives way to a downtempo effects section, then at right after 4 ½ minutes, gives way to a sound I can only call Olympian in hugeness. Fuzz bass, echoing guitars, and multilayered female vocals create this trance-like atmosphere that is rarefied and deeply marked with potent and everchanging imagery at the same time, like cream on top of coffee.

The sound continues to change and becomes quiet again once again with echo guitars carrying the music through. Back to a rhythmic return at 12 ¾ minutes. A synth flute melody flies over the whispered vocals, complex drum patterns- an opine to the end of life’s summer, the bitter sweetness of being old enough to not be hurt anymore by unlikely things failing to fly.

 Shoegaze Album of the Decade:

Sunbather (2013) Deafheaven

A single distorted guitar chord progression holding several notes through the chords for changing harmonics, exploding into double kick and even more guitars, into black metal screaming- this is the unmistakable beginning of Sunbather by San Francisco black metal band Deafheaven.

Due to its downtempo sections, overall distorted and layered production, and emotional scope, this album is loved not just by black metal fans but also by shoegaze fans such as myself. It is a perfect example of a successful crossover- not anticipated or forced in any way by the creators- but it just happens to work on so many different levels.

There are really only four songs on this record, the tracks in between them are much needed interludes. Something all Deafheaven songs do very well is compositioning. These tracks play out, in a way, like classical pieces, with many different sections, transitions, themes, changes, openings, closings, callbacks- it’s so incredibly dense and accomplished that you can listen to this album for weeks on end and still be surprised.

“Dream House” is the blazing opener of the record and puts on display everything we love about every song on here. To make this song the first track is insane, simply because of how over-the-top insanely powerful it is. After a brief interlude of just picked echo guitar, a single chord strum, the entire band comes back in a beat later, and this isn’t even the most emotional part of the song. That’s going to be at 7 minutes, 20 seconds in “I watched/It die!!!” screeches the vocalist as a guitar ostinado plays over the key notes that have been presented throughout the song in brutal crystal clarity. Then at 8 minutes- the vocalist and guitar break down, screaming and double picking guitar notes. It is difficult not to cry at this ending- and this is only the first song on the record.

“Sunbather” is both the title track and the album’s dark heart. Thrumming with a complex beat from the start, the other instruments are layered over this like a tangle of vines across an iron fence. Skillful use of double kick and drum fills keeps the band on target as we get to the breaks and turnarounds. The cymbals and guitars swirl creating complex patterns. Listening to this song from far away with extremely poor speakers would sound like static- similar to how Jupiter looks like a pale gold smear- turn up the volume a little, get a little closer, and you see the rich, threatening complexity of the swirling clouds of music and emotion. The song ends with a slow section about ¾ of the way through the 10 minute piece. An unforgettable echo guitar line plays sparsely over drums- invoking a Cure-like gothic sensibility. Then the band comes back in, playing the same melody and expanding upon it, a lighting bolt magnified to a thousand forks and twists going in all directions. It is the melodies at the end of Sunbather that were stuck in my head, unforgettable, after listening to this record. Unlike Dream House, this song ends on a down note, a question- the rest of the album is to give an answer, and incredibly, you will not be disappointed.

“Vertigo” is the longest song on the record at 14 ½ minutes, a blazing, minor key rocker that is meant to emotionally drag us down as far as we can go after Sunbather. The ending of the song invokes the Beatles “She’s So Heavy” before heading into “Windows” an ambient and spoken word piece featuring a drug deal gone bad- unquestionably a node to The Tenderloin, one of the more drug-laden districts in San Francisco and likely location of the band’s rehearsal studios.

Into “The Pecan Tree”, a song that has an seemingly impossible task: To somehow stick the landing of an extremely powerful and emotional record. We are looking for something coming into this track, but we are not totally sure what it is. We need something, but we can only follow the lights. The song opens up with insane double-kick guitar madness, 2 step rhythm, and then at 1:20 we see a glimpse through the storm, a hole of blue, that we can make it to, if we keep on going. Keep on going. Keep on walking. Smashing, swirling guitars and screams return, our view obstructed. Everything seems to be going at maximum at the end of this first section of the song.

At just after 3 minutes, the sonic assault finally begins to slow down, a march tempo into double kick continuous cymbals, back to march tempo, then, at 4 minutes 19 seconds, only picked echo guitar heralds us into the second section. The star of this section is a piano ostinato combined with the echo guitar, with a second guitar playing playful melodies over it. This is the starry night we can now see that the storm has cleared- this is the most optimistic and life affirming music on the record. A found audio recording of a detuned radio signals the ending of this section.

Eventually, this music fades just before four metal beats brings us to the conclusion- an octave-fingering guitar line and screeching vocal that is in my view one of the most awesome emotional turnarounds that I have ever experienced musically. The remaining outro sums up the entire record- life is big, difficult, unknowable, chaotic. Great albums stick the landing- and this ending does so, with incredible energy, on a record that did not even need it. Sunbather. One of the greatest rock records of all time and one of the very few of those albums to come out now, just about half a century after the 60s.

Post Punk Revivalists: The king of indie rock genres in the 00s, post punk was largely set down at the end of the decade with the major acts of the decade releasing milquetoast or downright laughable fare (are we human, or are we dancer?). However, post punk exploded back onto the scene in 2012 with The Money Store by Death Grips. Some returning groups from the 00s did end up releasing fantastic records, Roma 79 and Daughters being my favorites.

Cardinal Star (2014) Roma 79

I discovered north San Francisco bay area band Roma 79 through their single from the 00s, “Gold”, a sort of heavy, post-punk rocker with a few-thousand views on Youtube. I was very surprised when they reunited and recorded this followup album, which was one of my favorite records of 2014. Featuring a good amount of synth and dreampoppy guitar lines, the main standouts are the vocals and the brilliant drumming, which is a hallmark of great post-punk records of the 00s such as Fever to Tell or Turn On the Bright Lights. The strongest single on the record, “Seventeen”, features a complex drum lines, interlaced with vocals and synths. The song slowly builds up in emotional intensity and drops in layers of vaguely Phil Collins-esque drums and backing vocals, blossoming into a powerful meditative love song. “I’ll wait for it with you.” The final song on the record, is almost an answer to this track, closing the record on a strong point.

You Won’t Get What You Want (2018) Daughters

Daughters is another post-punk band that returned to release a followup nearly 10 years later with 2018’s “You Won’t Get What You Want”. Like all great post punk records, there are a number of characters in this room, and they all can be heard, each having their moments in the spotlight and their moments in the shadows.

One such character is the drums. A crushing combination of live and multitracking effects create a rhythm that provides both the constant heartbeat required by driving rock and roll based music, but also the texture, the complexity, that we seek out in the genre. Lots of tom toms used to keep the beat as opposed to cymbals, practically no hat. Invoking Killing Joke, except when they don’t want to right away, but bring it in later.

Another character is the vocals. Spoken word/sing song type delivery, where the mood and the words and more important than the melody. Lyrics invoke isolation, depression, contraction, abandonment, decline. It would almost be enough with just that, these drums and vocals- but this will also be added by another character, the music. The music seems to be generated mostly by guitar and bass, but there are clearly some synthesizer elements as well, used sparingly and to great effect. I can’t really describe the guitar tone, I would say, it shimmers, but not in an enlightening way. It’s like flashes in the dark, disorienting more than illuminating. The sound is like wood coming off a circular saw. It’s definitely this guitar sound that draws people into this record. All elements are moody, dark, aggressive, but it’s the guitar that really lays down flashes over the blackness.

“Satan in the Wait”, one of the best single tracks on the record, features an off-balance drum beat, carried by toms, and an air-raid siren like guitar sound. A throbbing, distorted bassline in time with the kick drum. At 1:30 in we are given a guitar riff that is beautiful and invoking of a banjo, lending a sensation of urban, southern gothic emotions. Horror film soundtracks come to mind, a combination of unsettling ambience and clear, unforgettable melodies. “Their Bodies are open” the chorus goes, making me think of world-ending events, a transformational death as seen in Arthur C. Clarkes Childhood’s End.

Another of my favorite tracks, “Daughter”, begins with a “bela legosi is dead” kick and snare rim drum beat, possibly electronic, along with a shimmery, surf-rock toned guitar riff. As the song proceeds, more elements are dropped in, and the drums are of particular note here, at 1:23 or so, they drop into a complex beat involving toms, cymbals, and snare. At 2:05 they drop in a clear guitar riff on top of raw noise, building to a climax with the vocal “There’s a war!” At this point, the noise drops out, just a clear guitar riff reminiscent of “Satan in the Wait”, drums coming in at 3:15 or so are particularly impactful.

The final track, “Guest House”, opens on a nearly unbearable sonic assault, the lyrics invoking somebody trapped outside of a bomb shelter during an apocalypse. Once again the gap between unbearable noise and beautiful melody is bridged, as the final dissonant chords give way to deep, harmonic, peaceful orchestra swells.

Post Punk Album of the Decade:

The Money Store (2012) Death Grips

The first time somebody played “Get Got” for me, it was during a really chillwave phase in my music taste and I was completely lost, and didn’t really understand what people saw in Death Grips. I was intrigued enough though, and circled back on some tracks from Exmilitary, their prior record. The more laid back tone and empty space present in tracks such as “Culture Shock” kept me interested enough to give The Money Store another shot a year or so later.

As my interest in chillwave started to fade, and I sought more emotional substance to my music, I returned to the Money Store, and was hooked. Each track is a relentless blast of aggressive drum beats, synthesizer driven melodies, and of course the unmistakable rap vocals of MC Ride.

A strong comparison for me, is between this record, and Joy Division’s second and final record, “Closer”. Relentless beats, but never getting boring, always inventing new rhythms to cast a texture over the musical landscape. Short, fast songs, transitioning from one beat and tempo to the other, never giving you a chance to catch your breath.

The music is highly influenced by hip hop, appearing to be a chopped and cut style, with synthesizers combined with production on the vocals, adding vocals, filter sweeps, reverses, etc- so much energy and craft went into creating what is on its surface very simple music- drums, vocals, and production. Standout track “Hustle Bones” does a fantastic job of expressing what is so great about every song on this record. Everything barely makes sense, but then it all comes together in a singular moment that anybody can nod their head to.

MC Ride’s best is on display in the classic hit, “I’ve Seen Footage”. In his relentless, attacking rap style, he tells us the story of watching gore or wtf videos from reddit or 4chan (or Stile Project if you’re really old like me)-  describing what he’s seen, and then underscoring that with the chorus, “I stay noided”- the character Ride creates is deeply anxious and paranoid, while at the same time being insatiable in the quest for knowing more, something I believe is nearly universal to the experience of the internet-informed human, a phenomenon that would later in the decade lead to diseases thought dead brought back by anti-vax movements, and the election of conspiracy theorist and popularizer Donald Trump as president of the united states.

And that’s the formula to each track on Money Store- working around something more or less literal, Ride’s poetry brings us into the dark state the world was only beginning to enter at the start of the decade.

Closing track “Hacker” opens with a recording of Ride, yelling, presumably at a concert “No ins and outs!!! You come out, your shit is GONE”, then into a 4-on the floor dance beat to end the record on an absolute banger. The music, carried by the beat and Ride’s systematic delivery, is left to its own devices, with glitchy, cut-off synth arpeggios, everything getting out of the way of the beat. “Having conversations with your car alarm”, “you speak with us in certain circles, you will be dethroned or detained”, and “Gaga can’t handle this shit” are some of the lyrical gems that Ride has saved for last here, closing out a post punk record that stands alongside Closer or Turn on the Bright Lights as one of the best of all time.

[unadulteratedfandomtrash]

Loki Laufeyson x Reader ~ Rest Assured [Pt.6]

[My Marvel Masterlist]   [Previous Part]

Word Count: 1596

“What’s the matter,” Wanda asks from behind the black-haired god. 

“I am unable to break this spell alone. Another spell-caster is required.”

“What do you mean you need someone else? Can’t you and Queen Frigga do it together?”

Clint squints at Loki with skepticism. Though Loki may have another agenda other than taking over and terrorizing innocents, the archer still treads with caution around him since Loki is the only person to successfully interpret a small portion of the jinxed door, so there is no other person who can call him out for lying. Plus, Clint is unhappy with his luck for receiving the first shift with the trickster god.

“These doors are locked with a variety of spells, but only half of them are recognizable since I was the one who taught (Y/n) the incantations. The other half is some sort of light-based magic. I have never seen anything like it, but the formations are very specific and individual depending on the spell, that much I can guess. As with most sorcery, I assume there is also some form of signature embedded within the spells that serves as the caster’s identification.”

“Well,” Pietro concludes, exhaling audibly, “looks like you need to figure it out then.”

The three Avengers lean against the wall opposite to the doors as they listen to Loki’s explanation as to why he cannot simply ‘figure it out’ as Pietro commented.

“I would venture to continue this discussion, but that would be a waste of valuable time standing around and idly chattering about subjects mere mortals such as yourselves would never understand.”

“You wanna take a stab at this, Maximoff,” Clint offers. “Maybe there’s something there you recognize.”

“There is no point in her trying, archer. (Y/n)’s knowledge in the different types of sorcery was acquired long before your existence.”

“He has a point,” the brunette points out. “Besides, I know nothing about magic. My powers are psionic-related and telepathy.”

“Ugh, fineee. I know what Cap said about three of us watching Loki at all times, but his mother is here, so you two watch him while I go gather some information.”

“Barton, why are you here and not watching Loki like you’re supposed to!”

Without any warning, a pillow comes flying across the room and hits the archer in the face with a satisfying thump, startling the man enough to trigger his reflexes, along with eliciting a shriek of panic. Quick hands reach for an arrow from the quiver on his back, only to cut his fingers along the sharpened edges of the vanes, causing Clint to drop his bow so that he now freed hand can grasp the injured digits.

“Nice. I can’t believe Fury hired you as one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s top agents.”

“And I can’t believe that I recruited such a mean person. Was the pillow really necessary?”

Shrugging while sporting a triumphant smirk, Natasha slides off the silken sheets of her bed and waltzes over to her friend to inspect the damage. Only a tiny trickle of blood escapes the minuscule tear in the archer’s flesh, so she ignores his whining to return to the comforts of the pillow-covered mattress.

“Why are you here, Barton? Steve isn’t going to be happy when he finds out you left your post.”

“If he finds out, Nat. If. And I’m here to get your opinion on something.”

“Go on.”

Soft scratching noises echo in the room as Natasha files her nails. One of her temporary partners for the trip, James Rhodes, shuffles around the room aimlessly while to two agents converse about the recent events that had taken place. A stone bust catches the colonel’s attention, but upon inching closer to inspect the sculpture, his foot accidentally kicks the gold pedestal.

“Hey, hey! Be careful,” Clint all but screams at Rhodes. “Who knows how these guys will make us pay for that if you break it!”

“Please proceed with caution. That sculpture is one of three in existence.” If not for his warning, Thor’s heavy footfalls announces his entrance as he strolls into the room. “You nearly demolished my grandfather.”

Wincing visibly, Rhodes backs away from the bust and opts to sit on a carved wooden chest that sits at the foot of his mattress instead. 

“As I was saying,” Natasha clears her throat before continuing her argument, “I don’t know if Fury even knows about any activity to begin with. I mean, it’s possible for a few people possessing magical abilities to be in the S.H.I.E.L.D. database, but that would require us to physically be present to look through all the files.”

“Why must you search for masters of sorcery when my mother and brother are ones themselves?”

“Because Loki needs a very specific person to unlock that door. He said that (Y/n) learned magic from a lot of different people, so there has to be some way to contact all her teachers.”

All eyes focus on the God of Thunder as the man in question rests a hand on his chin, stroking the strands of hair on his beard while thinking over the statement. As far as Thor knows, (Y/n) had left to seek apprenticeship from over a dozen times during her lifetime, but he was never very close to the young sorceress in their youth, so his knowledge of her travels is limited to gossip and brief exchanges he heard between Frigga and Loki. If there were any tangible records of her journeys and experiences, it would be kept in journals in her chambers, which is currently the issue at hand.

“I have no knowledge of any of her instructors. (Y/n) and I were quite distant as children. It was only after her marriage to Loki that we started getting acquainted with each other, but we still remain distant to this day.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait…You mean to tell mean that this (Y/n) person is Loki’s wife?! That’s why we’re here? To let Reindeer Games see his wife?”

“Yes. I thought you knew this.”

“Though the wording used during the meeting did not directly state this,” Vision states as he phases through the golden walls, ”I do believe that many of the Avengers have at least gathered that (Y/n) holds a significant importance in Loki’s life.”

“Which is why I ask you to please do whatever you can to help my brother. Though he can be quite ill-mannered, Loki does have another side. One that shows kindness. In time, he may reveal his true self around us all, but I know very well that (Y/n) brings out the best in him.”

It takes a lot of convincing from Natasha, but Clint eventually agrees to bring up the newfound information to Steve, who scolds the archer at first for leaving the twins— despite Frigga being there with them. The super soldier works with Thor to modify a new plan to accommodate the time differences before bringing in the rest of the team for briefing. 

Surprisingly, Odin remains level-headed when the news reaches his ears, however, the AllFather denies the Avengers’ request to immediately return to Midgard. Instead, he suggests a much more simple plan— one that does not involve a blind search for possible magic teachers— that neither they nor his son thought about: Heimdall.

“The man you seek, he is heavily concealed by magic. His exact location is proving difficult even for me to determine.”

“How is that possible,” Thor demands.

“I may be all-seeing and all-hearing, My Prince, but there is little I can do when such powerful sorcery is involved.”

Seeing as the God of Thunder is losing his patience, Natasha steps in to speak to the gatekeeper. She words her questions carefully, trying to pull as many details as possible from his obscure answers.

“Wait,” Heimdall announces suddenly, his gold eyes widening in surprise. “I believe I just saw a glimpse of the destination you seek.”

Quickly pulling out a small pad of paper and a pen, the Russian spy hastily jots down the series of numbers and letters Heimdall reads out. The address is nowhere near complete, but it is more than enough for Natasha. With the bits of information, Natasha can simply input the partial address into a computer and let the Internet’s autocomplete do the rest of the work.

“Let’s go, Thor!”

Clint returns to his previous location before Loki’s chambers bearing news for the Maximoff twins, Frigga, and Loki to hear. He wants to withhold the information from the God of Mischief, but the possible consequences outweigh the satisfaction of witnessing Loki’s unrelenting frustration over a hexed door.

“Alright, listen up, kids, ‘cuz I’m not saying this again.” Glancing over at the Asgardian queen with a moment of realization, the archer apologizes for his wording before continuing with his announcement. “Natasha and Thor are leaving to make a quick visit on Earth, so because of that, Stark’s group will be the one to take over after our shift. If they’re not back by the time Stark’s shift ends, we’ll have to come back and fill in until then. Cap will take an extra shift if Nat and Thor are still gone by the morning. I don’t like this anymore than you do, but hopefully everything runs quickly and smoothly. Any questions?”

“And where exactly are they going,” Loki inquires wryly, his tolerance for his current group of guards diminishing by the minute.

“177A Bleecker Street, New York City, New York.”

[Next Part]

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[famous-aces]

Wang Zhenyi

Who: 王貞儀 (Wáng Zhēnyí)

What: Scientist, Mathematician, and Poet

Where: Chinese (Active in China)

When: 1768–1797

(image description: unfortunately there don't seem to be any portraits of Wang, but I don't think that was uncommon of the era. Instead this is a near contemporaneous portrait of a court woman. It was part of a series of 12 screen portraits commissioned by Prince Yongzheng to hang on the walls of his study, much like a proto-Farrah Fawcett poster. It was very hard to find portraiture from the 18th century of anyone who was not royalty so this had to do. The subject is of high status/wealth [higher than Wang was] but roughly equitable. Very roughly. Anyway. It shows a young East Asian woman smiling serenely, maybe a little coyly at the viewer. She is in a study of some kind, seated at a desk and reading a book. She has the cover folded back like one might do with a paperback novel today. She is wearing the complicated many layered dress/robe standard of women of that era in green, white, and pink. Her long black hair is partly pinned up.)

Wang's contributions to astronomy and mathematical education are innumerable and of incredible importance. However she was also a poet and a proto-feminist.

It is extremely tragic that Wang has been nearly forgotten in the present.  Unfortunately most of her scientific writing has been lost, but her influence is indisputable. She was the child of noted and prestigious academics in a place and time where that meant high social standing. Despite being something close to an aristocrat she was highly opposed to the class inequality she saw in her travels and the sexist traditions at the time. She broke all molds and her poetry included lines like

"Village is empty of cooking smoke,

Rich families let grains stored decay;

In wormwood strewed pitiful starved bodies,

Greedy officials yet push farm levying"

And

"Are you not convinced,

Daughters can also be heroic?"

Her work in astronomy pushed Chinese astronomy forward and her contribution to mathematics made the field more accessible to a wider audience.  Wang was able to explain some celestial phenomenon that up until that point was not understood, like equinoxes and eclipses. Her most famous experiment/demonstration was to prove how the earth, sun, and moon acted together to create eclipses. In a garden pavillion she set up a round table (the earth), hung a lamp from the beams (the sun) and to one side had a small round mirror (the moon), moving these objects around she was able to prove her theory about the formation of lunar eclipses was possible (it was correct, incidentally). She came up with her own argument for gravity and mapped out the movement of planets and the placement of stars. Her largest contribution to mathematics was taking the work of a Chinese mathematician she admired and making it more easily understood. The book in question was Mei Wending's Principles of Calculation which inspired her work The Simple Principles of Calculation.

Most impressively she was nearly entirely self taught and did all of this before her untimely death at 29.  Her notable works (beyond The Simple Principles…) include The Explanation of the Pythagorean Theorem and Trigonometry, Dispute of Longitude and Stars, The Explanation of a Lunar Eclipse, and The Explanation of a Solar Eclipse.

A Venusian crater now bares her name.

Probable Orientation: Asexual (romantic orientation is harder to determine in a culture that really held very little regard for the notion of romantic love in relationships.)

This is another one where I am showing my personal interests. I find the culture and history of China fascinating and Wang's life is extremely incongruous to her place and time.

Wang lived in the early Qing Dynasty. Women were not exactly highly valued and marriage/family held a very specific and very important place in Chinese culture. Wang never had children and she didn't marry until she was 25. Here is why that is a big deal.

There were very specific traditions surrounding marriage and children in much of Chinese history.  Family structures were patrilinear to an extreme degree. It was understood that daughters did not belong to their birth families, but the families they married into. They had no place in their natal families.  Marriage was crucial if you wanted a place to be loved and remembered. Having children was likewise important, often the closest bonds were between mothers and their children (particularly sons), and having children was a requirement on a larger human scale. You had a specific role: continue the family line, uphold family honor. All people are a link in a larger chain from the beginning of time.  Romantic love was unimportant, marriage and sex were an undeniable obligation. One of the central tenets of two of the three major Chinese cultural/religious traditions* is Filial Piety (孝, xiào): dedication to, respect for, and ensuring the continuation of your family.

There is a more selfish and personal level, children were the only way you could assure you would be cared for in old age and in the afterlife. Just as you were required to care for your parents/parents-in-law as they aged, so too were your children required to take care of you. In old age you would always be provided for...and into the afterlife. The Chinese dead had to be exhalted, remembered, and provided for. Your ancestors were important members of your family. If you weren't remembered and didn't get provided for you would go hungry and become homeless, helplessly and hopelessly wandering the earth for the rest of eternity.

If a woman died unmarried she was not part of an ancestoral line. She did not belong anywhere. She would not be remembered. That was often why there would be ghost marriages (冥婚, mínghūn) for women/girls who died unwed, so she had some hope of being provided for.

If you were a perceived as a woman your entire purpose was in the home: you married, you provided for your husband, you had and educated children. The idea of a woman having an external life was completely unheard of.  Indeed even today in parts of China, the idea of a woman wanting to stay unmarried is seen as a symptom of underlying mental illness (although that's fairly true everywhere). After all, no one wanted to be responsible for ending a family line, disrespecting their ancestors, potentially damning themselves to poverty, and absolutely damning themselves to becoming a restless spirit after death.

Usually in Wang's era in the middle of the Qing Dynasty a Han Chinese woman would be married off between 16 and 18. Often the younger the better because, again, if she died while unmarried she had no family to mourn her, and no one wanted that to happen to their children.

By contrast at 16 Wang began to study science and traveled, leaving home. Maybe even to escape this fate.

What I am trying to make clear is what Wang did was unheard of. Becoming a scientist rather than getting married would not be a Girl Power move, this was not only spitting in the faces of her entire family line, it was rejecting the only culture she had ever known, and literally screwing over her immortal soul.

As stated Wang did eventually marry at age 25. That was an extremely old maid, especially when you consider this is the 18th century when death was often sudden and unexpected, be it from illness or something more sinister on unsupervised roads.

Further, when Wang died four years after marriage she was still childless.  Not only does this go against Filial Piety, it was also a hard thing to do at this point in Chinese history.  Every member of her and her husband's family would expect her to have (male) babies and be pushing for it to happen. Indeed childless women were often treated by poorly especially by their mothers-in-law.

My thought is her choices went beyond rebellion (by all accounts she had no complaints with her family, her father was a well regarded doctor).  Her life path goes beyond being simply unusual...it is downright queer. So my thought was she was so put off by the idea of marriage and so in love with her studies (like Rosalind Franklin, Carter G. Woodson, Jeanette Rankin, Florance Nightingale and so many other aces) that she substituted one for the other. Eventually, given the pressures of the time, she relented and married, probably making everyone in her family breathe a sigh of relief. But the union never producing a child leads me to believe she rarely, if ever, relented to consummation.

*Confucianism and Chinese Buddhism (the third is Taoism which is less concerned with this).

(image description: a drawing from Sam Miggs's Wonder Women. It is a simple drawing of Wang performing her eclipse experiment. End ID.)