Draco just wants to sleep in his quarters, skip his classes and dream and dream and dream.
He hates seeing his classmates, hates their mindless talk about who fancies who, and most of all hates having to see her in flesh.
As she shoots up a know-it-all hand, starts parting her plump lips to answer, her annoying voice reverberating around his skull, he might as well combust on the spot.
Especially if he has to deal with his problem. This particular problem, he figured, the only way to solve it is to sleep it all away.
Which he did, but to make matters worse, he sees her in his dreams, EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME.
And things always end up the turn for the worse. Always the worse (for lack of better word). He gets to wake up with the lingering thought of her in his newly minted state of wakefulness and a raging hard-on.
It is a problem, yes indeed.
Which begs the question, why does Draco Lucius Malfoy want to sleep and sleep and sleep?
It is obvious really, he’s definitely infatuated with her, his subconscious unconsciously dreaming of her.
But quite literally, in vulgarized fashion; Draco Lucius Malfoy lusts for Hermione Jean Granger.
And he doesn’t want to admit it yet.
“Draco, fuck you, wake up,”
He groans in his sleep.
Theo slapped the supple cheek of his bare arse “Look at that fucking kinky arse! I bet you fell asleep touching yourself all day thinking of Granger. Is that why you didn’t go to class yesterday?”
Draco immediately springs up, head still groggy and confused. Theo mussed his already messy bed hair, “I understand mate, the snakes understand,” he tuts compassionately.
“Understand wha—?” Malfoy blinks, until everything dawned upon him.
“What the fuck are you doing here Not?!”
Theo raises his palms up defensively.
“Uh—your girl’s waiting for you, and I being your faithful wingman came to pick you up and tell her your undying love,” he then places a diplomatic hand over his heart solemnly.
“My girl? Which girl? What girl?” Draco aka “completely lost” Malfoy throws the dark haired boy a skeptical look,”Last time I checked I was single with an idiot henchman for a best friend”
“Merlin to Draco, it’s Granger, the love of your life? She literally confessed her love for you in front of the whole class under the influence of a veritaserum”
“You’ve got to be kidding”
“No. You missed the chance to witness the legendary confession of the swot to her equally swotty rival”
Malfoy must be dreaming, that couldn’t be real. Theo can’t be real, this must be another dream. Granger’s involved, *again*, so it has to be, right?
He was lost for words, staring into space. Until he slapped himself to reality.
*Holy shit that hurt*
“So then what?” excitement assaults his nerves but apprehension devoured the rest of it.
“Then fly away my little butterfly, spread your wings and chase for the nectar of your dreams! Go before she changes her mind!”Theo spreads his arms dramatically, he has the spunk for theater.
Draco hurriedly gathers himself to leave but reaches back towards his henchman, “Wait, fuck, give me your pants.”
Oh right, he forgot.
Draco swiftly accio’d Theo’s pants and quickly fastened himself to decency. Theo merely let him and pats a proud father’s hand on Draco.
“Go my little soldier, this is your war—“before Theo finishes, Draco already left the chambers to chase for Granger, his dearest rival and apparently…the love of his life?
***
“Granger!”
“Malfoy?”
Granger stops in her tracks while Draco collects himself until he’s back in proper circulation.
One huge gulp of air and he’s back on his knees, a look on Granger and he’s a pathetic flustering idiot. But backing down isn’t an option and so…
“You…you fractured me to my undoing. My soul cripples at the mere thought of you. You make me lose my mind, the greatest tragedy of mine. Granger…I think I might be also in love with you…”
Hermione blinked, eyes wide. What did she just hear? If this what they call…a confession?
But seriously, from Malfoy? Her rival? The bane of her existence? The annoying fly who pests her academic endeavors, everywhere she goes?
But a pretty handsome fly too though…
An unexpected blush creeps up to her cheeks, and wait a minute…what’s with this sudden burst of emotion? Why is he looking at her like he’s about to beg on his knees for her?
He’s absurd. His unnecessarily poetic monologue’s absurd…too sudden. And are those Theo’s dress pants he’s wearing?
“Malfoy…what…I…are you serious?”
This Hermione, the brightest witch of her age, suddenly lacked the sense to speak.
WARNING: sexual humor, aged-up characters, nothing explicit though
1. Dramione x Friends
[Muggle cafe, Blaise, Theo, Pansy, and Luna are there]
Luna: There’s nothing to tell! He’s just some wizarding naturalist I work with!
Theo: C’mon, you’re going out with the guy! There’s gotta be something wrong with him!
Blaise: All right Theo, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Pansy: Wait, does he eat chalk?
[They all stare, bemused]
Pansy: Just, ‘cause, I don’t want her to go through what I went through with Neville – oh!
Luna: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It’s just two wizarding naturalists going out to dinner and – not having sex.
Blaise: Sounds like a date to me…
[Time Lapse]
Blaise: Alright, so I’m back in Hogwarts, I’m standing in the middle of the school, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream!
Blaise: Then I look down, and I realize there’s a wand... there.
The: Instead of...?
Blaise: That’s right.
Theo: Never had that dream.
Pansy: No.
Blaise: All of a sudden, the wand starts to ring. Now I don’t know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Luna: And they weren’t looking at you before?!
Blaise: Finally, I figure I’d better answer it, and it turns out it’s my mother, which is very-very weird, because – she never wand-calls me!
[Time Lapse, Draco has entered]
Draco: [mortified] Hi…
Theo: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself…
Luna: Are you okay?
Draco: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Blaise: Cookie?
Luna: [explaining to the others] Astoria moved her stuff out today.
Theo: Ohh.
Luna: [to Draco] Let me get you some coffee.
Draco: Thanks.
Pansy: Ooh! Oh! [She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Draco]
Draco: No, no don’t! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?!
Pansy: Fine! Be murky!
Draco: I’ll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she’ll be very happy.
Luna: No you don’t.
Draco: No I don’t, to hell with her, she left me!
Theo: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Draco: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn’t know, how should I know?
Theo: [muttering thoughtfully under his breath] Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... [They all stare at him] Did I say that out loud?
Draco: I told mother and father last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Blaise: Oh really, so that hysterical wand-call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., “I’ll never have grandchildren, I’ll never have grandchildren!” Was what? A wrong wand?
Draco: Sorry.
Theo: Alright Draco, look. You’re feeling a lot of pain right now. You’re angry. You’re hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
[Draco gestures his consent]
Theo: Strip joint! C’mon, you’re single! Have some hormones!
Draco: I don’t want to be single, okay? I just... I just – I just wanna be married again!
[Hermione Granger enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room]
Theo: And I just want a Philosopher’s Stone! [extends his hand hopefully]
Luna: Hermione?!
Hermione: Oh God Luna, hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren’t there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Luna: [pointing at Hermione] De-caff. [to All] Okay, everybody, you all remember the Golden Girl here, another Hogwards survivor. [to Hermione] Mione, you remember everyone, right? This is Blaise, and Pansy, and Theo, and… You probably remember Draco Malfoy?..
Hermione: [with a sigh] Yeah… Hi.
Draco: Hi.
[A moment of silence follows as Hermione sits and the others expect her to explain]
Luna: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Hermione: Oh God... Well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- [to the waitress that brought her coffee] Sweet ‘n’ Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Ron! And then I got really freaked out, and that’s when it hit me: how much Ron looks like Mr. Potato Head. [Draco rips open a packet of sugar and pours it into Hermione’s cup, stirs it] Y’know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering ‘Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?’. [to Luna] So anyway I just didn’t know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Luna: Who wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Hermione: Ooh, I had a premonition that it wouldn’t end well…
