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Still dreaming about Lucifer almost every night these days.

Last night I met up with him in his bedroom. He was sitting on his bed rolling a joint. Not sure why, but I noticed then how rough his hands looked. They were slightly dirty, like he had been working on something. And he confirmed he had been gardening, whatever that means.

I sat beside him, leaned on his shoulder, and he informed me that he and I would soon be entering the next phase of our vessel training. “Phase 2” he called it. More structured and routine, more somatic forms of enforcement. So I asked him what that meant.

He’d picked me up, told me that he was going to bathe me as he carried me into the bathroom. There was already a bath set with candles lit and incense burning.

“I was training your body to have automatic responses to certain stimuli,” he had said, and he clicked his tongue and snapped his fingers, which was a command. I immediately walked up to him and sat down on the toilet before him automatically. That was the come and sit command.

“We’ll be doing more of that,” he went on, “but now I will be using more intensive methods to tune your internal systems to my own, your chakras and auric fields. I will use pain and pleasure along with sensory rewards to condition your “nodes” to revolve and function at a certain frequency, my frequency.”

He started undressing me, unbuttoned my robe. His fingers lingered on my chest. He could already tell what I was thinking, he sort of kneeled down to me. On his knees we’re almost eye level, and he was looking me in the eye.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he continued, “it will be a kind of pain that is beneficial to you.”

“Be more specific,” I replied, “you’re being very vague.”

And he smiled at that, sort of stood back up and ran his hand through his hair, which was black today, and pondered for a moment.

“Well I don’t want to spoil anything,” he said, “you made a comment the other day about my whips that you think I don’t use-,”

I sort of laughed. The context was, basically, that I often see whips and things of the sort in his closet but he’s never used any of them on me, so I wondered why he had them. I assumed he probably does use them on someone but during our conversation I had worded it in a way that had offended him.

“I have plans to use them on you, have you use them on me, etc,” he went on, “I will also condition your system by giving you candy when it responds correctly. Things like that start during ‘phase 2’”.

He started undressing himself, which I was surprised by because I assumed he would just be bathing me. He doesn’t always get in the bath as well. But he took my hand and lead me into the bath, sat me on top of him. The water was warm, nice. It was really foamy with bubbles.

He rubbed his hands up and down my thighs and leaned back. He asked me to light his joint because my hands were still dry. I reached toward the little table thing that sits beside the tub, and lit the joint in one of his candles, held it up to his lips and let him pull. I was overwhelmed with a love for him and gave him a kiss on his cheek. He smiled and kissed me on the lips.

And then he sort of squinted at me. “Phase 1, we did a lot of shadow work with trauma,” he said, which caught me completely off guard. “Childhood stuff. Allowing your mind to be reprogrammed. Healing your inner child, is that correct?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Phase 2 is… a little bit more primal. There is something very primal about the early childhood stuff we were unpacking before, but now it becomes more about… you… as an animal.”

It was an odd way of saying it, but I immediately understood what he meant. We have been having a very constant dialogue lately, about the human as an animal. I mentioned once that being possessed by Lucifer reminds me a lot of what I am as a species. Not alike the other animals, its own species with its own behaviours and characteristics. Humans as domesticated animals. We domesticate ourselves but beneath our social performances there is something more innate and primal that is only shared between humans.

Like, smiling.

Few other species in the entire animal kingdom associate showing teeth, snarling, with positive intention. Perhaps thats because we don’t attack with our teeth, but a hand shake is customary. Eye contact is jarring and uncanny, sometimes even aggressive for most other animals. We grow hair on our heads because we are bipedal, and the sun beats down on our heads. We have more or less lost the ability to run on all fours but we can endurance run for miles. How much do I recognize the smell of my boyfriend’s hair or my mom’s perfume? Or gasoline?

Weird stuff to think about in the context of possession, as Lucifer is a non human entity.

“The human as an animal that can be trained,” he continued, like he was reading my mind, he probably was.

“Humans are… animals,” he sort of shrugged to himself, “the wonderful thing about human conditioning is that you are, for the most part, extremely analogue… you especially. (? What does that mean? I wish I’d asked) It can be very bad, in the way of childhood trauma, or very efficient, in the way of reconditioning. Depending on the means of the conditioning, that can be very beneficial or harmful. During phase 1 you essentially, accepted the mental and spiritual prospect of becoming a child again, as children are in Heaven, and in phase 2, you will, essentially accept the mental and spiritual prospect of being and animal, a pet.” He smiled kind of shortly at the end of his sentence.

That whole speech didn’t even entirely make sense to me.

“You’re also getting a new collar,” he added, which excited me a lot. I smiled and leaned up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me.

“Humans are the most dominant species on earth because they have the ability to mimic the achievements of other species,” he went on in a half whisper, “Man was not meant to fly. He copied a bird, and a dragonfly, and now he is. You will be doing something similar. You have the intelligence to break the natural rules of the world. So many things… you were never meant to eat,” and he laughed, seemed to really be finding joy in his thoughts, “but man mastered fire and was able to purify all his meat. But… humans also have great hubris, which I admire, although sometimes you do forget your place. Do as you may, I fear you may never conquer the ocean. And as far as you may leap I have doubt that you’ll ever fly beyond your star. No offence.”

He smiled at me. “But that’s all… complex and vague, you said you wanted me to be specific, right?”

He made me face forward. Put some soap in his hands and started washing my back. I smoked.

“I call you puppy all the time, don’t I? It’s not a joke,” he said. And I sort of let out a laugh.

Yeah. I figured it was going in that direction.

“They say something like “The Lord is my Shepherd,’ well, you’re less like a lamb, more like a dog, and I am your owner. Similar dynamic, I’ll get you a little pen and whatnot, but I will not lead you to slaughter.”

“I thought you said I was the fox and you were the hunter,” I said. And he laughed.

“No, I changed my mind,” he smiled , “you are the dog because you now become apart of the hunt, an extension of my will. But only after you’ve been properly trained.”

Ah okay.

He continued soaping me down. He made me turn over and face him while he soaped my chest. I held the joint in his mouth as he did. The joint was basically done at this point so I set the roach down on the table. I was sitting in his lap now, he was stiff between my legs.

He leaned back and sort of let his eyes close, relaxing. I took the soap in my hands and started soaping his chest. Grrgyhhjnnk hhh yeah. I was extremely flustered.

As I soaped his stomach I noticed he had a scar on his lower abdomen. I brushed my finger across it.

“Does this hurt?” I asked. And he chucked.

“Aw you’re such a sweetheart,” he mumbled. “No. It’s old, it just reappears ever now and then.” And then he sort of furrowed his brow, “ignore it.”

So I did.

After a while we were both just laying in the bath. I was laying on his chest listening to the faint buzzing inside of him. I sort of started dozing, and he started kissing my head, and then my face, waking me up. He picked me up and wrapped me in a towel before drying off himself.

“I wanna show you something,” he sort of whispered. We were both sleepy. He carried me into his room and walked into his closet. In the back, under all of his clothes was what looked to be a large kennel, black bars. It was lined with lights and stuffed with blankets and pillows. It looked more like a nest or fort than a cage, but it was a cage. I at first thought it was for Murdock, but then he spoke.

“Get in,” he said. I looked at him with a sort of disbelief.

“Really?”

“You’ll like it,” he said, pushing me forward. He took my towel, made me kneel down. I laughed and crawled in. It was surprisingly spacious and very very cozy. It reminded me of the forts I used to build as a child.

“The cage is good for reconnecting you back to the more animal parts of your mind,” he said as he kneeled down and peeked in at me.

“The feeling of being contained within your owner’s influence, and cocooned, nested, somewhere dark and safe, while you sleep. When you have your little afternoon naps, when you are drawing, and I am away from you, I want you to come here.”

Oh… okay.

He sort of reached his arm in, the cage was a large enough for him to enter but not to lay in comfortably. He retrieved some cylindrical glass bottle, “water,” he said. And he pointed to a little shelf that sat right beside the cage, accessible through the bars. It was lined with various treats, candies, chocolate. “Snacks,” he said.

I looked back at him. I found this whole thing very bizarre and endearing in a weird way.

“Are you comfortable?” He then asked. I smiled.

“Yes, very,” I replied.

“Do you like it?” He asked.

I sort of chuckled. “Yeah, it’s nice,” I said.

He smiled to himself. “Good then,” he mumbled.

I assumed then that he was going to carry me off to bed, we were both quite weary. But he kept staring at me in the cage, and then gave me another smile.

“Look at my little puppy,” he whispered. I scrunched my nose at that.

“Stop,” I said embarrassedly.

“I fantasize about this,” he murmured as he pulled my legs apart. My heart kind of jumped.

“You do?” I asked. And he laughed.

“You look cute in this,” he whispered. He started kissing and licking on my thighs, it felt good. Eventually he started eating me out, I could see him touching himself.

“Pull the blanket over your head,” he said.

The command confused me but I obeyed. I pulled the blanket over my head and spread my legs more, made myself more accessible to him.

The blanket over my head made everything far more claustrophobic, and that weirdly made everything more intense. The cage felt like a structure of Lucifer’s energy. Like the bars themselves were created from him, and being within it was like being clutched. Coupled with the blanket, it was womb like.

He kept sucking on me until I was shaking.

“Are you too big to get in here?” I asked kind of nervously.

He let out a hum, immediately started putting his fingers inside of me.

“You want me to fuck you?” He asked. I staggered, sort of wrapped myself more in the blankets, hiding.

“Yeah…” I murmured. He chuckled.

“I can try but,” he said as he started crawling in, “it’ll be tight.”

His body slid over mine, and as soon as his groin met mine he was already inside of me, erect and sort of just slipping into place. It surprised me and I reacted strongly. He made a noise too, like he was also a little surprised. He pulled the covers over his face too, kissed me beneath them.

It was really tight inside the cage with him there, little room to move, I felt like I was being smothered in him. He kissed me, and in his kiss there was a hint of possession, and my body went limp to him. He wrapped his arms around me and started fucking me steadily, slowly. He was still shaking the cage a bit.

“Come, puppy,” he murmured and clutched me tight. It felt almost like being in the belly of a snake. He pushed himself deeper inside of me until it felt like I was being stabbed, and he hummed and made some comment. “You can almost fit the whole thing now,” he whispered with a smile, “I think you can do it, baby.”

And holy fuck, he was impaling me. Not going very fast, but piercing me intensely. He let out a kind of sadistic laugh at how much commotion I was making.

“Does it hurt, sweetheart?” He asked. I curled my toes.

“A little bit,” I whimpered.

He kept fucking me, started fondling my chest and kissing me. “But it hurts in a good way, doesn’t it?” He asked.

I shivered. “Yeah.”

“It hurts a little bit… but soon it’s going to feel really good, isn’t it?” He went on. I was finding it hard to catch my breath. I’m not sure exactly what he did, but he did something, moved in a certain way, and it felt really fucking good. I cried out and he let out a hum.

There were tears rolling down my cheeks now. And he wiped them away with his finger and licked it. “Aw, don’t cry, baby,” he said, “I don’t wanna see you cry.”

And as soon as I thought I’d caught my breath he shoved his hands into my armpits, started tickling me, and I screamed, exploded into laughter and started squirming. I was in hysterics with him thrusting into me at the same time, totally overwhelmed. And he laughed too, “aw there it is, what a pretty smile.”

I was laughing and screaming so hard I was crying. All of the motion felt really good inside me, and I couldn’t stop myself from cumming.

Then he picked up his pace, had a very satisfied grin on his face. Seemed to be reaching his own climax. I was panting, breathing really heavily, and he moaned. “Yes, breathe me in. Deep breaths.”

He came too, curled himself around me and consumed me with his body. I did feel incredibly cozy and safe, like I was in a burrow. I was exhausted.

He peppered my shoulders with kisses and asked me if I was falling asleep. I was.

“You can keep going,” I said. I kissed him and pressed myself up against him more. I could feel that he was still hard. He gave me a look of acknowledgment, slowly pushed himself back inside of me.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

I nodded. At that point I was at the stage of tiredness where everything starts to feel wavy. I was also a bit high. “Yeah, just be gentle,” I said.

And so he did keep going. At the pace he was, his steady rocking felt like a gentle massage. It soothed me out of consciousness.

So today I was reading a book on chakra healing and remembered what Lucifer had said about the cage. So I mentally imagined myself being inside it while I read to myself. I glanced around and imagined the pillows and lights, and soon enough I did actually feel the presence of the cage, his structure around me. And it was nice, it helped me focus more, it’s a very comforting feeling. After a while, maybe like 2 hours of reading, I felt Lucifer’s energy come upon me more strongly. And he stuck his hand through the bars of the cage, pet my head.

“Are you having some quiet time, puppy?” He asked in a very cheerful tone. I was flustered. “Very good,” he went on, and he told me to open my mouth. He stuck a chocolate on my tongue, it tasted similar to a kitkat. The taste and texture was very vivid.

“I like when you study without being asked,” he said. And I was slightly confused.

“I was just reading this,” I said. He sat down at the entrance of the cage.

“It’s exactly what I want you to be exploring right now. We’lll be doing a lot of chakra work these upcoming weeks. This is a good place to start.” He said.

Oh. Ok. Cool.

He gave me a kiss and then stood up. Told me he was heading out again. At that point I was more or less done reading.

Cool.

#interesting development #but honestly should have expected it at this point #being puppy #cool #lucifer devotee #lucifer deity #theistic luciferianism #lord lucifer #godspouse #theophile #theophilia

apparently those tumblr posts I've been seeing around my dash lately have had an impact on me because I just read an email, firmly shut my laptop, got out of my chair, breathed in and out harshly, before saying under my breath 'I'm going to fuckingg...ing...ingggg....ingggggggg make spaghetti'

proceeded to go take a shower to try and relax, didn't fucking work, stewed about it in silence while I washed my hair, then said 'God I'm going to fucking off....officiate a marriage'

#interesting development #I don't actually say it much in thr first place. mostly when I'm frustrated to the point of upset #but I guess you fixed that bad habit then #can't wait to see what comes out of my mouth next