Discover Top Posts Tagged with #internalized ableism cw

get it out of y(our) system 2

#swan’s art #art #my art #small artist #osc #object show #object shows #inanimate insanity #inanimate insanity invitational #silver spoon #silver spoon ii #ii silver spoon #silver spoon’s inner flame #inner flame #inner flame ii #goldenglow #goldenglow ii #internalized ableism cw

　i ❜ ll make you smile during my performance　~　~

　　bpdmonster

　a gendermonster (link) gender　…

where your gender just feels like a monster wBPD , a BPD monster , or otherwise connected to BPD and monsters ,

　　colors taken from this bpd flag (link)

　　exclusive to pwBPD

　　alt

one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao

#moogletalks #in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things #and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life #instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis #but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were #and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival #instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now #the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community #if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people #their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special #and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality #anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol #ableism cw #internalized ableism cw #pluralitag #traumatag #adventures in mental illness #disabilitag

Thankfully, when he woke drenched in sweat and shaking like a leaf in the wind, it was in silence—no screams echoing against strange window-panes or sobs tearing out of his throat like a wild thing.

Only his thin, ragged breath marred the silence. Jonathan did not have to fear that anyone could hear it, whether the Billington’s servants would gossip about the strange Mr. Harker who in a day inherited a practice better than himself and who howled like a demon in the night.

For a long, terrifying moment, he did not remember where he was. The bed was too soft to be his own—no, he no longer lived in the cramped flat in Exeter with the creaky doors. The blankets were plush in his white-knuckled fists. He was alone. His breath froze in his throat as he half-expected to taste the tang of iron and the damp of aging stone if he inhaled. A grandfather clock nearby ticked the shuddering seconds away, and…no. There had been no clock in his room, then. His mind may have been slower to break if there had been a way to count the hours.

Jonathan dragged his hands over his face. He was supposed to be better. Had he not just told Dr. Van Helsing that he was cured? Had it been an empty boast, buoyed by the heady rush of truth and hope? (Would he ever be better?)

This was a mistake, staying overnight in a strange place. He’d known this the last time he traveled, fleeing home long after dark instead of accepting his client’s hospitality. And now, shivering in the dark, he wished he’d done the same again. Shame curled sickly in his stomach. Rushing home like a frightened child, so Mina could break her sleep to soothe his dreams. At least he wouldn’t burden her tonight with his terror—

—No, she’d hate to hear him speak of himself this way. And even when he didn’t voice his thoughts aloud, she could somehow tell.

He had to…had to think of something else, push through until morning. Then he could smile and bow like a man sane and whole, collect his papers, and take his leave of the Billingtons. The younger would shake his hand and bid him safe travels, unknowing that the letter on his desk was penned by a devil.

God in heaven, wasn’t that a thought— To be ignorant and free of this whole business, to let a stranger bear the duty and the dread. To sleep through the night without weeping.

Yet…no. The thought could not be borne. This knowledge was truth dearly bought. If there had been any purpose to his life being spared through fiend and forest and fever, it was for this. And he could not wish any of it on the other young man, sleeping soundly a few rooms away, unknowing of how near hell’s grasp had reached.

Inspired by @astrangergivingthestrangewelcome ‘s post and @organchordsandlightning ‘s tags, linked in reblog!

#dracula daily #dracula #jonathan harker #my writing #I WROTE?? A THING??#it’s been ages since i wrote a thing #internalized ableism cw

poseida, the virgin queen

here’s one major difference between poseida and poseidon: unlike poseidon—who pursued maidens and sowed his seed around because that’s what a king does—poseida was the one who was pursued.

shortly after being crowned queen of the sea, some river gods tried to court her—however, she thought all of their attempts insincere. given how she grew up surrounded by the inhumanly beautiful, unblemished, able-bodied titans, she had long since internalized that she was the Ugly One not only among them but also among her own siblings. so, since she thought that their flirtations a cruel mockery, she rejected them before they could reject her. before they could use her and take her throne for themselves.

you fool. they're not suitors—they're conspirators. they don't want you—they want your throne. your crown. your power. they would take it all away if they had half the chance. they're probably laughing at you right now—laughing at the thought that you have truly enchanted them with your beauty and your charm as they claim. do not fall for it or you will lose everything.

at first, she was polite when she turned them down—but, as her suitors grew more and more persistent in wanting to win her hand in marriage, her patience lessened. she snapped at them—telling them that if they will not respect her wishes as a maiden, then they will heed her orders as their queen.

the answer is no.

displeased, her suitors scowled—but left her alone after that, judging her frigid.

after that series of anxiety-inducing events, poseida subconsciously adopted a Resting Bitch Face and her walls strengthened—walls that no man could ever penetrate. she soon began to gain a reputation. while she was sweet towards children—hence mortals fondly calling her Mother Ocean—she was cold towards men that she did not trust. to the mortal men of ancient greece, poseida seemed as untamable as the seas she governs—unmoved by charm nor male beauty.

#internalized ableism cw #( implied more than anything else but it's /there/ )#「 ♆ ❛ in this essay I will… ❜ ╱ headcanon. 」

I see a lot of people saying "I wonder if I should get tested for ADHD", and ..... yes. You should.

(Obviously not if you're in a bad healthcare situation like uninsured in the US or whatever. Don't go broke to get a diagnosis.)

But if you could go get an assessment? Go do it. It's not like it's a commitment to call yourself ADHD forever. It's not a change of citizenship or a marriage vow. Going to get the screening isn't an eternal promise to take amphetamines for the rest of your life. It's literally just a question. There is no harm or problem or risk in just finding out the answer to a question.

Maybe the result will come back that you don't have ADHD. It's still nice to know that.

Maybe the psychologist will say, "Given your results, I don't think you have ADHD, but I'd like to test you for ________." And then you'll find out what you DO have. Which is nice.

Whether you have ADHD or autism or PTSD or anxiety or something else ... you'll have information on what's going on in your brain, and get ideas and options for making your life easier.

Maybe that's drugs

maybe that's accommodations

maybe that's a special type of notebook/planner

maybe that's just the self-compassion that's possible when you can say "OK, this doesn't mean I'm stupid and it doesn't mean I'm a bad person; I have a brain that's bad at this one particular thing, and that's OK, it just means I have to work around it."

Maybe it's just the relief of language to be able to explain yourself to other people.

(those are all worth it; trust me. Every one of those things can be life-changing)

You know when a company issues a recall, and you go check the serial number on your computer or the expiration date on your chicken nuggets? That all this is. "Hey, some people may be affected by this, and here's how to find out if you're one of them." Not getting screened when you have reason to think you might be in this category would be like deciding not to check for salmonella on your lettuce because .... .... because .... .....????

Look. You are not taking a diagnosis away from other people by getting screened. There's no "must be this executive-dysfunctional to get tested" sign anywhere. You definitely don't need to already be sure that you have it before you take the assessment. "Being sure" is what you aim to be coming out of the assessment, not going into it. * Just go do it. Go forth and learn things about yourself! Return with greater understanding yourself and your relationship to the world!

*This is not to say that there's no time or place for self-diagnosis. See above point about being uninsured in the US, for example. Or when you have insurance/national health care, but there are no good providers in your area. Sometimes self-diagnosis is all you've got, and this post has nothing to do with that. This post is just about the strange reluctance some people have towards finding out that they're not irredeemably incompetent lazy jerks. Maybe you're a perfectly competent and wonderful person who happens to need to do things differently from the rest of the population. Wouldn't it be nice to know that?

#ADHD memes are very relatable and I thought maybe I should get tested #adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #implied ableism cw #internalized ableism cw #raina rants a bit #but mostly I just want you to know that it's OK #is a perfectly good thing to say to a psychologist #that's not silly; it's just sensible #unsolicited advice

tw internalized ableism // I wish I knew how to tell if I have a fictive, a new kintype, or maybe even a hallucination or delusion? My dissociation and psychosis have been getting pretty bad so it's hard for me to tell. I feel "not like myself" all the time and not alone in my brain pretty frequently. I don't even wanna talk to any of this with my therapist because I think I'll sound stupid or crazy if I try to get into it.

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #mental health issue #internalized ableism cw #mod party cat

I’d prefer if you don’t read this if you know me irl

I’ve been feeling so incredibly alone and unwanted lately. I haven’t been spending much time with my friends and I’ve been feeling like they all actually don’t like me and don’t want to be friends with me and resent me for being annoying and like why would anyone want to be friends with someone with the mental health problems I have anyway. I reread my psychosis posts and feel like “no wonder people don’t like me I’m crazy and I’ll never have friends or a relationship or a successful life.” I want to make it clear that I don’t feel that way when others have mental illness symptoms, just about myself. I just feel like a very unlikeable person and I feel like no one likes me or cares about me. And it’s making me feel pretty terrible.

I’m sure these feelings will pass eventually. I got a very sweet message from one friend who saw that I’d been having a hard time and told me I was welcome to reach out at any point and that really helped. And I have plans with another friend for Thursday. I just need to talk to some people and spend some time with some friends and get through my Halloween trauma anniversary and I’m sure that things will start looking up. But right now I really, really feel awful.

#my post #text post #negative #self deprecation cw #internalized ableism cw #i've felt like this on and off for weeks #and it's been really bad all afternoon and evening today #and i just felt like i was suffocating with it #so i decided to write a post and see if that helped #likes are nice #replies are cool #don't reblog #i might delete this later we'll see