#interview transcript

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman at NADWCON 2011 (North American Discworld Convention) ❤

Neil: The single worst experience that we went through was, I think, the film. The first go round on the film, where it was bought by very nice people who convinced us they were very nice because we were absolute innocent. And I just remember going up for the first meeting with them.

And we were going up for the meeting, and Terry says, 'Here, come over here.'

I said, 'Okay.'

He said, 'Um, look, I'm not sure about these people, and you're not sure about these people. If this is our first meeting, if they're just completely barking, we should have a code word. And whoever says the code word, we both get up in unison and we leave'.

I said, 'Okay, so we need a code word that neither of us could conceivably say in normal conversation.'

And Terry says, 'Yes.'

I said, 'Okay, what about Biggles?' Now, Biggles, for those of you who don't know, was a famous...

Terry, joking: A famous Cardinal. [Cardinal Biggles in Monthy Python].

Neil: He was. Of course.

Terry: They're young, that's the only one they know.

Neil: Captain W. E. Johns wrote books about Biggles, who was a World War I flying ace who, with his pals Ginger and Algy used to go out and shoot out the evil Germans. So, if any Germans are here, you're not evil, it was just in this book. So. So, I say, 'What about Biggles?'

And Terry is, 'Okay. Biggles it is.'

So we head up for the meeting, and we're sitting there around the table talking to what seemed to be terribly nice, sensible people. And then the executive walks in. And the executive in this case was a woman who looked like she had mugged somebody 20 years younger than her and stolen her hair. And she walked in and she didn't... She said like, 'Hi, Neil. Hi, Terry. It's lovely to meet you both. Now, I'm sure that the guys have been talking to you about your book, Good Omens, and what we're thinking about now. Okay, let me just run some stuff past you. We figure the dynamics of this are the kid, Adam, whatever his name is, Newt, the witchfinder. We see him as, like, maybe being Tom Cruise, young, goodlooking, hunky, but he's looking for the witches. And the witch, Athaneema, I think her name was. Okay, so there's Newt and there's Athaneema'.

And I look at Terry, and I need to actually mime this - I think we should do this together.

.

Fun fact: Neil wrote the 'Athaneema' into the Good Omens series :).

[fuckingmeteors]

I have tried to make a transcript of the Radio Adelaide interview! There are a few places where I'm not quite sure what they're saying (especially when they speak over each other), so if anyone is willing to take a look at it, I would gladly welcome corrections! (Also I hope the formatting isn't too shit. If it is, I apologize.)

[introduction]

Host/Interviewer:

I spoke with Dan and Phil, who are on their Terrible Influence tour at the moment. I think they’re in Sydney right now, even though I had to call them on the phone via England [laughter]. They’re gonna be on at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre next week, Monday the 16th of December. And these guys, they’re British Internet Youtube radio hosts, they’re critics of games, they’re book authors, Dan and Phil, they’re currently in Australia having their Terrible Influence tour which lands in Adelaide at the entertainment Centre next week and they’re attempting to “take back what the internet took from them”!

So, it’s allegedly a screamingly hilarious live stage show. I have no doubt that it is hilarious. They’re “older, gayer and Phil’s gone blonde” evidently, and nothing is off limits. Now I was brought to their, uh, to the attention of them by some younger folk, who asked me to ask them certain questions, throw some sort of slightly strange questions at them, and I haven’t got time to include all of those questions and also I had a call after the interview from one of the duo suggesting that “oh, you might get trolled if you ask a question like that and people misinterpret it”, because I was asking, uh… I believe they’ve become a couple, I’m not sure if they’ve gotten married, but they may have gotten married or they may just be, like, going steady, but they’re a terrific pair of comic lads, in the vein of Kenny Everett, sort of. They don’t have a TV show as such, they were both youtubers, which means that they had a little bit of youtube shows, and then they started guesting on each other’s show, and then they eventually started doing stuff together. Very interesting lads. And I just really want to play the interview now.

[interview starts playing]

Dan: And I’ve got a mullet now that I’m in Australia because apparently that’s what people do. (?) Australians have more fun and I wanted to appropriate a little bit of the culture while we’re here doing the show.

Phil: I think it’s more of a micro-mullet, Dan, though, you know, you haven’t gotten to full mullet, it’s more of a micro-mullet.

D: It’s a mullet without the T, it’s just a mull-è.

I: Mull-è hahaha, all right! Just with that sort of…

P: Yeah, without the T, yeah!

I: That sort of hard E at the end.

P: Yes.

I: How has your tour been going so far, gentlemen?

D: It’s been amazing to be in Australia, no offense, we loved having a great time in America, but we’re very happy to be in Australia. Although, I know it’s summer, why is it so hot? Nowhere on Earth should be this warm.

I: You haven’t reached Adelaide yet, have you?

D: No, God, don’t tell me it’s warmer!

I: Yes, Yes, we’re in the middle of a very dry, arid area, very isolated, a long way from anywhere, but there’s only about maybe thirty of forty tickets left at your gig here?

D: We’re happy for the people of Adelaide, they’re, you know, they’re out here, in that dry, arid desert, and there’s nothing to do but come to the Dan and Phil show, and we love them for that, they’re all making responsible financial decisions, so we’re very grateful for all the people that are coming to the show.

P: And if there’s forty people listening, come hang out with us, it’s gonna be a fun time!

D: Yeah, what else are you doing on that night?

P: We’re gonna be pumping the aircon out.

D: Yeah, just come to have somewhere cool to sit in the theatre, you know what I mean?

I: Are you collecting things from your hangouts that you’re gonna discuss at the next show? Like before a show, if people hang out with you, give you a piece of art, or a little letter, a note, something like that, do you then discuss it in front of the (?)

D: Oh, a big trendy thing these days, yeah Taylor Swift had started this trend of the bracelets that people, that have things on (?), so people would make these bracelets that say “Dan” or “Phil” in beads, and the other day someone gave me a bracelet that said “vegemite" on it.

I: Hahaha

D: And I was like “what the heck?” and they said, “you don’t understand, this is incredibly culturally important, so I was like “okay, thank you, I will cherish the vegemite bracelet”.

P: I got one that said “koala daddy”, I’m not sure what that meant, but (?)

D: (?)

I: Koala daddy?

P: Yep, I think that’s what they were calling me!

I: Have you actually dipped your tongue into any vegemite as yet?

P: Uh, I would have to say it was one of the most horrific experiences of my life, I’m sorry! [Dan laughter in the background]

D: What, Phil, you don’t like a yeast-based condiment?

P: No.

D: How dare you?

P: Dan loved it, though. (?)

D: I’m just a yeasty kind of guy.

I: Yeah, it’s kind of up there with marmite, isn’t it?

D: It is, but I only eat sweet things, so I couldn’t handle it, but Dan was eating a second portion of toast this morning, and loved it.

I: Yeah, it’s good for you!

P: And last time we were in Adelaide we did a vlog where we explored the town, didn’t we? We got Tim Tams, we did a Tim Tam Slam.

D: Yeah. The national sport.

I: The national sport, sucking coffee through a Tim Tam.

D: Yeah, yeah.

P: I can get down with that.

I: Oh yeah, it’s a lot of fun to do! You realise that our Premier is the one who started the ball rolling with the social media ban for under sixteen-year-olds? You’re lucky that you’re here now at this stage of your career rather than at the beginning of your career, because there’s a lot of young people who have grown with you, who will be able to come and see your show!

D: Yeah, absolutely.

I: Are you relying on them sort of moving forward with you?

D: People have been with us for a long time and people tell us some things that are very disturbing.

P: Yeah, we’ve had some people meet us that are like, “I’ve watched you ten years ago, still watching you now, and I’ve got a whole child now!” and it’s like, what, what is happening!

I: Hahaha!

P: Time isn’t real!

I: It’s kind of a historic moment, you’re probably the first English lads to have linked in to youtube, and the Internet, and gone off the way that you have.

D: Nah(?), we were just… well, we come from an early generation, Phil has been doing it for so long that you couldn’t even make a career off youtube yet, there was no monetization, he was just doing it out of boredom, that’s how terrifying it is.

P: Yeah, I’m a youtube dinosaur, so yeah, I think definitely(?) I was one of the first ones to do it, but it’s crazy that we’re still doing it now, 15 years later.

I: It’s basically become a career for you, hasn’t it?

D: Absolutely, and none of it was planned, it’s been a constant runaway train since day one, and the emergency brake stopped a long time ago.

I: What kind of experiences are you getting to have in your down time while you’re in Australia this time around?

D: Well, I wanted to go to the beach, and then Phil said there’s a high chance you’re gonna get eaten by a shark, and I was like, “a high chance? I don’t know about that” and then we asked a guy and he was like “oh no, they’re out there, I see them every week”; so… [laughter]

P: I am hoping to look into the eyes of a wombat and have an emotional connection.

D: A  Deep spiritual moment? Okay.

P: My favourite animal.

I: A wombat?

P: Yeah, I love a wombat!

D: Underrated.

I: Do you like the hairy-nosed wombat, or just the plain old brown one?

P: I’m not sure of the difference, maybe I should find that out, maybe that’s gonna be my quest.

D: (?) Make a decision.

I: Yeah, if you come face to face or nose to nose with a hairy-nosed wombat, he’s more likely to roll over and let you cuddle his tummy. The other ones have got a (?) and they’re a little bit more aggressive.

D: Okay. Sounds like me.

I: [laughter]. Have the audiences been laughing at all the right spots so far?

D: Definitely, and they’ve been laughing at all the inappropriate spots where they’re not supposed to, as well. But we’ll take it. You either have an audience that laughs all the time even at the inappropriate moments, or a quiet one. And I don’t want a quiet one.

P: Also, a good thing about our show is that we kind of give everyone a recap of everything that’s happened in the last fifteen years, so if you’re like, “oh, I used to watch Dan and Phil a while ago”, you can still come along and you’ll get right up to speed.

D: Oh, we know that people are dragging their husbands, their mothers, their older sisters to the show, and these people are like, “what the heck is going on?”, so don’t worry, we cover the base.

I: Sounds good to me! I hope you have a fantastic time in Adelaide, and you continue to enjoy yourselves.

D: Thank you!

I: Ride the wave, don’t worry about sharks.

P: Excellent, well, yeah, we’re looking forward to it. Thanks, nice to speak to you!

I: You too, cheers lads! Dan and Phil…

P: Cheers!

D: Bye!

I: They’ll be at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre next Monday, uh, coming. On the 16th. So, if you are keen to see them do their thing live on stage, go and join the masses that have already bought their tickets, get in while you can.

[jinglyjangly-theclowm]

Hello. This is a transcription for all the s1 extra band interviews. I dont have links for all of them unfortunately but I think you can access the list from the ones I have here. Enjoy!

Note: some transcriptions may be innacurate. These guys have really odd voices, okay? I tried

INSECTS

N: You know that there are animals that, um, are poisonous? Do you know that?

M: I once believed that, when I was a child

N: Have you ever caught a scorpion?

M: Yes I have

N: They have a tail that is... dangerous. And poisonous

T: I don't likes insects its in- in Norway they frozen. Frozen insects

N: For those of you who don't know, it's cold there... in Norway

T: Freeze bug

N: But- you know about, there's a frog-

M: Scorpions not an insect! It's related to spiders! Oh!

Whole Band: Ohhhh!

T: Gots the ?? On the face, that's breakfast!

N: Alright, alright, alright... okay, uh...

P: Hey guys, y'know how I have to take 5 from you cuz I kind of... y'know, every once in a while I have to... kind of just, be alone?

M: Yeah

P: Y'know, cuz I can- sometimes it's just to much hanging out with ya, y'know?

S: Yah, I know

T: Why don't you go?

P: Because I... cuz, I would- remember I stayed down here for-

N: You want us to leave the room?

P: Yeah

T: Okay

S: I, uh-

T: How do we know whens to come back in?

P: You could knock- knock... on the door-

M: You knock!

P: Alright, I'll knock on the door,

M: Alright

P: Go in the closet

M: Okay

N: Okay

(Door opening)

S: How long do we-

P: I'll tell you when... when it's time to get out of the closet

(Door closing)

P: Just being alone. Just-

M: Being alone!

P: Just want some time by myself so I can just- y'know, breathe? (Deep breath) Y'know, when you're on the road all the time and you- there's just always people around. Sometimes you wanna... y'know...

N: Hey, guys? It's kinda weird being in this dark closet with you with no eyes that we can see

M: ??, just the whites of our eyes, looking around

N: Yeah. I never realised- how white our eyes were

M: Yeah. Until this darkness

N: Yeah, the only thing I can tell that makes it seem like we're even moving at all is occasionally- occasionally we'll blink

T: Yeah, ocassionallys- it's.. you blinks

P: Guys, what's going on in here?

M: I don't hear no knocking!

DISASTERS

P: In the, uh, Midwest, we always uh, we have-

M: Yeah

P: Growing up there, there was always tornadoes, y'know. And, uh, every time there was a tornado... warning, I would- I would have to- as, y'know, a teenager, I'd have to disassemble my drumkit. And reassemble it downstairs, and y'know if the tornado wants my f🎸cking drums... going around in the, y'know, in the- in the tornado

M: Oh, that sounds pretty good, though

T: Yeahs, in Norway we just had frozen rain-

P: So- so I'd go down to the basement

S: Yeah, and one time- we had really the cold wind, that was a... natural disaster

T: Yeah

S: One time... I, uh, was in a... uh... line at the bank, uh, trying to cash in a paycheck when I work in uh- as a teenager, and, uh, I actually... took so long in line I had a natural disaster in my pants

EDUCATION

M: Oh, it- well that's g- I mean, like, I- education. Well, you know a very... special highschool principal made... me- bass. It's important

N: Yeah, education, I- I did not know this until recently, but... education helps you... learn, it helps you be able to spell, it helps you be able to, uh... education helps you to be able to do math

M: It's just all about learning

P: Dude, and math helps you learn how to add... and math helps you learn how to- to subtract-

T: Yeah-

S: Yeah, ands... also... it helps you- what else, with egducation- computer!

T: Yeah!

S: Computer like... with- ah... 'cause one time, this was- uh, six years ago and the Internet was slow... heh? Remember that?

T: Yeah, that's-

N: Yeah, S- that's how- yeah, we remember-

T: Just dialup!

N: Yeah, dialup

S: Yeah, but, now I know how to work a computer that's- I guess that's my point

T: Well, I know-

S: And, I mean- that was not because, um-

T: I- I like to say something!

S: To want to say- let me finish my thought! You don'ts interrupt people! Heh?

T: So finish!

N: Yeah, finish

P: Dude, just- say it

S: Hold on! I have the floor for a second, I just want to enjoy this-

M: Well, enjoy it!

T: Oh, educations-

S: Oh, yeah! I learn online how to work a computer, but- here's the joke, I can't get online... because, uh, d- I ca- uhm, 'cause that's what I need to do... uhm, like, uh... da- I- you- learn how to work computer online, but- how do I get there?! Hah!

T: Get on the computer?

N: Yeah, just get on the computer?

S: Yeah, but- but I don't know how...

T: Whats you gots to- you need a car to learns how to drive a car!

P: Oh, wait, I get it! How do you do it- 'cause you can't do it, right?

N; Yeah

M: Oh, that's a meta- meta joke. Meta

N: Yeah, and you- what I learned, is that without education, you can't get drunk. You can't... crash cars... you can't... pee into someone's face-

M: Yeah. Education

N: Yeah, that's- that's the smartest thing you've ever said

M: 'Cept that one thing

FAMILY

M: Ohhh. I- I have nothing to say... about this subject

N: I have to say that I think even having a family is, uh... the very idea that, um... I have relatives? That know things about me, makes me very angry inside

P: Yeah, I could see that

S: I don't, uh, have anything to say about family... so I will, uh... be shuttings down now

T: I often thinks of the days in Norway, when the... family... pants down, spank

M: I resemble my grandmother and it makes me wanna burn up from the inside, to the out. Side. That- (burps)

N: I have my, uh... I have my mother's nose... in my ??-

M: Oh- hah! Cut it off!

N: Alright, next question

FANS

N: Oh, the fans- well, y'know, I don't think we even... I don't think we would've sold one record without the fans

M: Yeah, I s- I- well, I'd have bought one, we all would've bought one! We would've sold five records!

P: Yeah, though, I wouldn't g- I wouldn't have bought one, 'cause I would've gotten one for free when-

M: We would've sold four records. Without the fans

S: Yeah, I wouldn't buy one neither-

M: We would've sold three records without the fans-

N: I wouldn't- I'm not going to pay that I did-

T: Oh, I'd have boughts one for all my friends!

S: More like- solds one imaginary friends records-

M: Ohhh, pshhh...

N: But I have to say, if the fans are out there, if they're listening- y'know, we- we always say a lot of stuff like, y'know- we hate you, go die, y'know-

M: Yeah, and we mean it!

N: Go-

T: Yeah, we means it!

N: Eat glass, and the truth is- actually, guys, the truth is we do mean it

T: I wants them to... push on their eyes so hard it goes back into their heads

P: Yeah, dude- or take your tongues, and take some- like, kids scissors- 'n fucking t- cut your tongues off!

N: We, uh, we wish you were all, uh- y'know, dead

N: I- y'know, they always say the best f- breakfast... is always the first- meal of the day

FOOD

M: Sometimes we would have- breakfast for dinner

P: When I was a kid, I said- 'when I grow up', which I am, 'I'm gonna have popsicles fpr breakfast', and what did I have- Toki, what did I have for breakfast?

T: I thinks you had-

S: You had popsicles

T: Those was fudgesicle!

P: What, I had a fudgesicle?

T: Yeah!

P: Well that's not a popsicle

T: Well, it's- the sicle?

M: Y'know, when we were in Mexico, they had...

N: No-

M: Beans, for breakfast?

N: Yeah, they just give you a b- they give you- a- you think they'd give you a bowl of beans but they put it on a stick

M: Yeah. God, in London there's three meats! Sausage, bacon, and ham. Three meat breakfast

S: Yeah. Back in Sweden, for breakfast sometimes, we would just have snow. Like, when times was tough

T: Or we'd have ???, the- smoked fish!

P: Dude, in, uh... Wisconsin-

T: Fish eggs!

P: My mom would make, uh, mayo. And that's it, just mayo

M: Yeah, bowls of mayo, I was there once

S: Hah, guitarsicle! Hah? Remembers.. a guitarsicle? That's- my own invention, it never really take off... y'know

T: Well, not for breakfast-

S: Well I don't like flavour!

T: That's... That's true-

S: I like- what I likes to make- do... herring, beef broth, and there's also- lemon, but toothpaste... flavour

T: Yeah, pickle herring guitarsicle. That's what you need!

S: Yeah, yeah- but I already said- herring flavour, so-

T: The pickle herring, that's fresh herring with pickle! Right, Pickle?

P: Uh, yeah. That's right. Folks, it's been great talking about food with you. Good day

P: When I think about Dethklok in the future, I think about... colonising a planet

FUTURE

M: Yeah. 'S-

N: Yeah, we've been- we've talked about this a lot, haven't we guys?

M: L- oh, yeah-

P: Yeah, we have. Yeah, uh-

M: It's the only way

P: Yeah, but, y'know, you gotta... first of all, develop a... self suh- fficiant- bio... dome, sphere, where they- uh, there's f- uh, I- whatever, cans of food...

M: If a bass falls over in a martian forest, but no-ones there, does it still make a sound? A space sound?

N: If a what falls down in a-

M: A bass falls over in a martian forest-

M: Like a- bass that you would play-

M: A bass that you would play, f-

N: Oh, yeah-

M: Falls over in a martian forest

N: Yeah, that would, I think-

M: And there's no-one there

N: Yeah

M: Does it still make a sound?

N: Uh, is it plugged in?

M: Ohhhh... I'll get back to you-

N: You'll get back to me?-

M: I just need to figure it-

N: Yeah, you'll get back to me on that one?

T: Yeah, it's all in the details, Murdyface

N: Yeah

S: Yeah, I'm going to come- in the future, im goings to have, uh- an attic- chin- uh, chamber, I live in- and then, I won't- and then someone has to get my mail, who's it gonna be, which one?

N: I'll get it

S: H- okay, then, that's you

T: I wouldn't minds gettings the mail. For once

M: And I guess that's where we'll be, in the future

WOMEN

N: I gotta say, I've- uh... I've had a couple of long-term relationships... and it's- it's, y'know, keeping a woman... uhh... it- keeping, uh- the excitement in the relationship? That is not easy

P: No, that's... that's always hard. Y'know

N: But, y'know what helps, a little surprise

M: Yeah, s- things are a lot more exciting when someone's about to die. That's just the way I look at it

N: But you bring home, like, gifts or something, like, 'hey, look wh'-

M: Hey?!

N: 'Hey, look...'

M: Hey look?

N: Yeah, and then you open up your- and there's... some hay in there-

M: Oh, like putting the diamond bracelet on your cock? Say- 'dive for it!' Like- like that?

N: Yeah

S: Yeah, roo- ladies and gentlemen, uh- our bass player- the most classiest guy in the world

M: Awh, suck it!

S: Ah, girls loves it when you takes control, like say- 'SIT DOWN!!! Start eating- I ordered fo- y'know, you order for the lady!~

T: That's right

S: That's what girls like!

T: Whats the difference between the goils and womens... yeah, I likes to hear the degradations of the womens. That's Arnold

N: Yeah, that's ???, heh

M: A lilalililil!

N: Yeah, a lilalalilliaulaulaulaulilaul, that's code to have the barbarian

M: Yeah, I was at-

P: Yeah, dude, the ilaulaulaulililaulaul-

N: Aulaulaulililaulaul-

M: Ilaulilau!

P: Ilaulaulaulaulaulau-

N: Aulaulaulilaulau-

P: Ilaulaulaulaulaulau!-

M: Ilaulaulau-

N: Ilaulaulau-

S: Lowlowlowlaylowlowww, right?

N: No, that'd be- you don't get it

M: Well, their souls were created in hell

N: That is true, women's souls were created because- women... ate- what, the forbidden fu- fruit?

M: The forbidden rip!

N: In a fantastic piece of fiction I love to call the Bible

M: Blegh!

S: Yeah but they got a serpent in yeahh!

T: Yeah, I thinks the serpent's supposed to be... the penis- with the apple supposed to be one ball, like Hitler!

M: Ohh, women. Well, they smell nice, but... they are soul murderers

[thodi]

OCTOBER ‘24 READINGS

Ask Ugly: my mother is pressuring me to get plastic surgery. How do I deal with imperfection? • prose

‘I was convinced I was going to die’: Meet the people risking their lives for the perfect BBL • prose

How Many Bones Would You Break to Get Laid? • prose

Edward Lear’s Nonsense Botany (1871–77) • illustration

I Knew Diddy For Years. What I Now Remember Haunts Me. • prose (tw: violence, sexual assault)

Pooping on the Moon Is a Messy Business • prose

#38 by @soulmvtes • prose

Every morning the world is created • poetry, illustration

Keep going, still • prose

A Guide to Miyazaki’s Weird Little Guys • prose

marquis & peele • prose

Hard Work, Success, and You • comic

Voices On Addiction: Incorrigible, A Love Story • prose

How Has Music Changed Since the 1950s? A Statistical Analysis • prose

Pep Talk • prose

Unlock Your Creativity in 10 Simple Steps • comic

does anyone know how to inherit wealth? • prose

how to stay in your body • prose

What Words May Come • prose

Birds on Stamps • illustration

My Mother, The Gambler • prose

How Bird Collecting Evolved Into Bird-Watching • prose

this is what it sounds like when dads cry • prose

The poets in my sketchbook • illustration

Forever Less Of Beauty • prose

The House With 1000 Stories • comic

subscribe to The Good Side of the Internet for monthly recs like this, and to thodi for weekly poetry and song recommendations plus a sometimes-nonsensical-sometimes-profound-sometimes-toopersonal article <3

tag list (reach out if you want to be tagged on these!) - @then-child-make-another @quesadillayuri

[mythveilchronicles]

[CLASSIFIED FILE: INCIDENT REPORT 1D] DISCLAIMER: This document is a fictional transcript, part of an interactive horror-narrative experience. All names, references, and institutions are fictitious or distorted beyond recognition.

LOCATION: Internal Interview Room Gamma-3, Observation Subnet Active SUBJECT: Agent [REDACTED] INTERVIEWER: Delta Green Division – VELUM DATE: October 25th TIME: 03:19 AM

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

VELUM: Last time you spoke of memory as a battleground. This time, I want specifics. Where were you when it happened?

AGENT: (pauses) I don’t know. That’s the point.

VELUM: Then explain what you mean by "the event."

AGENT: You ever walk into a room... and freeze? Like you were about to do something, but now it’s gone? Like the universe hiccupped and dropped your thought behind a locked door?

VELUM: Yes. That’s common.

AGENT: (leans forward) No. That’s deliberate.

VELUM: You’re suggesting... intentional memory erasure?

AGENT: Not “suggesting.” I’m remembering trying to remember. Which means something’s still there.

VELUM: (quiet) Describe the sensation.

AGENT: Imagine holding a photo you’ve never seen. A family you don’t know. And still—your chest tightens. Your eyes water. You know them. But someone has torn their names out of the caption.

VELUM: Is this related to Carcosa?

AGENT: Carcosa is just one infection vector. It’s not about where. It’s about what you’re allowed to retain. You think you’ve never seen the King in Yellow? You have. But you called it something else. A panic attack. A dream. Static on an old VHS tape.

VELUM: So what did you forget?

AGENT: (whispers) That I screamed. And no sound came out.

VELUM: …Agent?

AGENT: They don’t erase to protect you. They erase to keep you useful. Because if you remembered what you saw... You’d stop being able to see at all. Your sanity wouldn’t break. It would evaporate. Like sugar in rain.

VELUM: And yet here you are.

AGENT: Am I?

(long silence)

VELUM: What would you tell other agents reading this?

AGENT: (a smile like rust) When you walk into a room and forget why… Check the ceiling. There might be a camera. Or worse— A mirror that wasn’t there yesterday.

END TRANSCRIPT

DISCLAIMER: This transcript is part of an immersive horror fiction experience. It is not real. You’re not being watched. Probably.

[underatedwords]

a very polite answer to ted's kinda pointed q

ted: "what nobody's asked you about the fia thing is that 'how would it not a conflict of interest?'"

carlos: "very simply because my dad and me, we would part ways, he would not be my manager anymore. i'm a thirty year old formula one driver that also has [his cousin] as manager. we would just simply stop. whoever knows my dad or knows me personally, knows we would never do anything that would mean a conflict of interest."

[clisters]

Firefly Interview Tape #1

Doctor: Taped interview 4, patients name is Garfield Lynns also known as Firefly. Patient suffers from pyromania and pyrophelia. Patient also shows a total disregard for his own safety and others, this is demonstrated with his constant trips to the ER after a time outside the Asylum. Patient has sustained two more burns on his body, side note the patient is receiving on going skin care and treatment in the Medical Pavilion. So, Garfield, now we have that out of the way, how are you feeling?

Firefly: Bored. You know I don’t like these doc’. Being judged, looked at like I’m some sorta’ insect under a microscope. 

Doctor: That’s… not what these sessions are about, Garfield. I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to understand you. To listen to you.

Firefly: *snorts* That’d be a first. You shrinks don’t listen to a thing I say. I’m not crazy… I’m no Joker or Zsasz…

Doctor: No one is saying you are crazy, Garfield, but… well, let’s just say some of your desires are less than.. conventional. You start fires for gratification, yes?

Firefly: You’re the shrink, you tell me.

Doctor: I’d like to hear your view. Why do you enjoy setting fires? Is it the thrill? 

Firefly: Fire is beautiful. It’s a living creature, consumes everything it touches, brings everything crumbling down… it’s beautiful…

Doctor: So, you see fire as a living thing?

Firefly: It is alive. Fire needs oxygen, it needs food, if you give it too much water it drowns. It’s alive and the only thing I’ve ever had in my life. 

Doctor: That’s not strictly true, is it Garfield? You do have a younger sister. Yes, here it says a younger sister by the name Amanda Lynns.

Firefly: I don’t want to talk about her!

Doctor: Why not, Garfield? It says here that as children and even before your incarceration here, you and your sister were very close. Do you not miss her?

Firefly: That’s not any of your goddamn business! 

Doctor: Garfield your sister seems to be the only person you’ve ever managed to create a human attachment to. Everything else… well, the fire seems to consume the rest of your life, but your sister is… important to you, yes? She was younger than you, did you have to take care of her? That must of been a big responsibility.

Firefly: I said I don’t want to talk about it…. About her.. she… she…

Doctor: Going further it says here-

Firefly: Shut up…

Doctor: - It says that you once burned your sister’s arm when you were a boy. 

Firefly: That was an accident! 

Doctor: So you didn’t mean to burn her?

Firefly: No! What kind- what kind of a sicko do you think I am!? She’s my little sister, I’d never hurt her! It was accident, I was just playing with some matches and… she shouldn’t have gotten so close. Next thing I know… her sleeve’s on fire and she’s screaming and.. and crying… I tried to put it out…

Doctor: Was she burned badly?

Firefly: Only second degree burns. Docs said she was lucky. Could’ve been worse. After she got better… I made a promise.

Doctor: And what promise was that?

Firefly: That… that is none of your business, Doc. I told you, I don’t want to talk about her. She’s off limits!

[zot3-flopped]

"All we have to do is listen to the whole thing you just said and the recipients of this award previously and who it was set up by... and it makes so much sense for me to accept it.... another thing I like to carry around is my work ethic... I feel like I try and work very hard.. "

https://m.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=408171297199687&ref=watch_permalink&_rdr