#jackie bird rambles

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

See in our day and age, Tim as Robin - i mean starting out as Robin - would’ve been so funny.

Imagine him with a TikTok account and the dumbass videos he’d make.

Like a new post and it’s just

“Wait I lied, put your clothes back on, and let’s talk about how Batman and Robin DONT exit and are JUST a myth.”

His user woudl be something dumb too

“Riddlerslefttoewart”

“Bye-sexual”

Post from him are just horrific life updates

“When everyone thinks your dad’s abusive but your just highkey bad at skateboarding” with a picture of Tim giving a thumbs up with a broken thumb, bruises and a scratched up cheek

“Guess who just died! My dad! #orphan #wishitwasme”

“I’m selling my little brother, will let him go for $100,000” and in the comments someone’s like, ‘you expect us to pay, let alone have that much money?!’ And Tim just replies ‘no fr, ur right, I’m paying you to take him’

He’d have an ass ton of followers and a bunch of his posts are just him posing at crime scenes or thirst traps on top of tall buildings with shitty footing

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

Tim’s love life should get shittier when he’s older

Like after a break up with Bernard he should date everyone you absolute should not date. It starts off easy, something simple, bang your best friend? Not that bad

But then he just plunges into dating someone new each week.Like he has flavors of trying to date new people.

He gets home and where there’s normally a calendar on a normal persons wall and there’s just a checklist.

Tim, humming as he checks it off : dating a goon, check, dating an arch nemesis, check, hmmmm

Tim, reads over list “someone even Jack Drake would disapprove of” : I wonder if Owen counts….

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

Based off that TikTok that was essentially “Fuck around and find out.” Where a guy got into an argument with another man who happened to be bisexual, later he was sent a video of the bisexual cracking the other guys girlfriend and the other guys friend.“Evil bisexuals” was the caption or maybe a comment, I don’t know it was something

I can see that with Tim

Tim : Is the boss in?

Goon : Who are yo-

Tim : you know, I never found jackets all that attractive, but on you, gosh. *trails hand down the goons chest*

Goon : I-uh really? You think so?

Tim : I know so, say you wouldn’t happen to be single…?

20 minutes later

Tim, sitting infront of Jason : Did you know your goons smoke? No? Now you do

Red Hood : you motherfucker

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

To me, you are exactly what your user is or whatever your profile is

For example @aliteralchicken , wdym? That’s a chicken, it says that, have you seen the pfp? No? Shame on you, that’s a chicken who has access to tumblr

@the-jason-todd-impreganator yes, Jason’s ass can now type. Butt dial? More like butt posts, butt poetry, butt writer. Don’t question it

Your pfp is Tim Drake being launched out of a building? Sorry dude, safe fall/flight. What a parachute?

Is your user “Jason-Todd’s-ghost”? Well damn, how’s the afterlife?

Yes this applies to me as well, I may be a picture of Bart and Kon, but rest assured i am a living zesti can. I’m scared when Alvin Draper will come back and finish me off, I fear daily he will take a sip. The dumbass left his phone on the desk and I write to you in desperation.

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

Sure the batfamily care for each other and all, and sure in reality they’d hate to see each other get hurt. And no I don’t like Tim and Damian who hate each other to death and same thing with Tim and Jason….buutttt

Batfam, based off interactions I’ve had at the dojang.

Tim and Jason holding for kicks for one another, Tim kicks Jason instead the side rather than the target.

Jason, collapsing to the floor wheezing with tears in his eyes :

Tim, standing over him : Jason, I know you and you know I know you….are you actually in pain or like…being a whiny bitch again?

Duke jogging over : what’s wrong with him

Tim : he’s being a bitch

Jason : *gasp* I’m beh-being *cough* in PAI-*gag*

Dick rushing over and getting down next to Jason to check : shit I think you knocked the wind out of him

Tim : eh, Duke, hold for me?

Duke, nodding : sure. Ah and Jason, *turns* happens to the best of us

—later—

Duke : hup-

Duke : so that was totally on purpose right?

Tim : hah- yeah

Tim : called me a worthless piece a shit

Duke : fair game

Tim : fair game

————————

Steph walking over : what’s up with him?

Damian sighing : Cass and Dick we’re having a dive roll competition

Steph : you-

Damian : yeah you can have one of those

Damian : Cass said he wasn’t doing it good enough

Damian : Dick said bet, and so we set up that stack of kicking shields

*said stack of shields in pristine condition left untouched, a few feet away from Dick*

Damian : we failed to account for his bad back

Dick : I HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD BACK

Steph, coughing into her fist : says the guy in a ball on the ground

Dick : I left the stack perfectly at least!

————————

*Cass and Kate walking to the vending machine*

Cass : I’m like the best person here right?

Kate, sipping water : mmm

Cass : and like you know that.

Kate, still drinking : mmhmm

Cass : so…

Kate : mmm?

Cass : 4 bucks says u can totally do a back flip right now. *taps foot* on this tile

Kate : 4 bucks says I’m getting some chips *walks away*

Cass : awww

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

Tim Drake is an atheist, half gay guy, who stopped at cloning his buddy at 99 attempts.

So really.

He isn’t all that committed to anything

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

You know what would fix my head ache right about now?

Timbart…..

Save me….save me Timbart

[alvin-drapers-zesti-can]

I don’t think I’ve ever considered how I’d feel if a child showed up on my door, especially if that child was Tim Drake.

If I saw that thing with horrifying blue eyes, tiny little beady eyes, staring right through my soul talking about some “I know your secret”

I’d hit him with a pan.