I have always loved you
pairing: Jake with female reader
genre: fluff, angst, nicknames, reconciliation with ex [ apparent ], love at first sight
synopsis: Jake suddenly left your city only to come back after 1 month with bigger surprises.
warning: 18+p part is included in the last part. if you are uncomfortable leave that part. rest of it is written in a pretty decent way.
W/C: 6k
enjoy pretty ladies.. believe me you won't regret it.
“ You are only mine, only mine .”Jake’s fingers entwined with yours. The subtle scent of his cologne imprinted an unforgettable mark on your heart. “ I love you.”was only you could say.
.
.
You are resting your weary limbs on the familiar sofa. Your cozy room was well furnished. An empty flower vase reminded you of beauteous moments spent with him. It’s been 1 month for the flower vase being unattended. Office works now rule over your schedule. But today your room’s air is redolent with memories of Jake.Balefully your company’s C.E.O uses the same cologne as him. His sudden arrival gave your room a glimpse of emptiness. The empty congratulations, bouquet, the invitation to office party slipped of your memory. What remained was the fragrance, unanswered questions and urge doing the impossible. The tortuous calmness engulfed the room.You suddenly found your self in a garden. Your head was resting on a shoulder. A leather jacket was covering his strong musculature.
“Jake, what was the first time you fell in love?”
“The day, I first came to Sydney. [ pause] A girl was sitting alone in the bus stop, waving goodbye to someone. ”
“ WOW, you didn’t even think twice.”[ you pouted with disappointment] you gulped down the comparison between your first love and you.
“ She was wearing a red dress, paired with a red bow”. locking his eyes onto yours he continued, “she had beautiful eyes.”
Your cheeks flushed at his intense gaze.
“ I see. [ stuttering ]..she must be really beautiful.”
He didn’t reply at your comment. He cupped your face and held your eyes for a moment. He had surely studied your anguish, disappointment, probably a glimpse of your hidden tears as well. Then he pressed his lips to yours. It was a deep kiss, overflowed with sacred love. You held his jacket for support. He pulled back after a few celestial moments. He pulled you in his embrace and whispered in your ears,
“ You are very beautiful , dear. Very pretty.”
The moment felt unrealistic. Your heart felt heavy with his love. You never thought your fate had planned something that serene. Fate had a terrible sense of humour. It gave you a glimpse of love only to snatch it from you, leaving you fumbling for it. He left but forgot to take back what he had used to fill the void in your chest. Terrible as it sounds.
Your eyes flung open at the phone’s vibration. Phone’s display bragged C.E.O’s call. With an exhale you let go of the past’s venomous hands.
“ Hello, Actually I called to inform you our tomorrow’s office party was canceled. The Sim Company had taken over our schedule. It has declared an urgent meeting to discuss our project. I’m sure you are well aware of the importance of the meeting. I’m expecting you at 8:00 in the office. Be well prepared.”
He hung up. His words lingered in your ears for a moment. You let go of the echoes of the past. You revisited your project and forced your eyes to close.
Jake was your joie de vivre. His every words adorned your pulse of life. You used to find tranquility in his presence. You crossed road with him at the time when tears had found their permanent residence in your eyes. Your monotonous life had never offered you anything but abyss of grief. His encounter with you filled your soul with overwhelming happiness. He elided the tears from your eyes, filling it with courage and joy. He devised an oath of not letting you cry ever again. His memory weighed heavy on your chest. You enfolded the pillow in warm embrace. It lacked his harmonious heart beat. Many girls had their wallpaper designed with his ethereal face but he had his devoted to the quiet girl at the back of the class. She was leaning over the window, completely unaware of the fact that someone is taking a picture of her. Jake had carefully adjusted his camera lens to capture your eyes, glistening with the ray of the sun. His memories tenderly held you and comforted you to sleep.
“ Jake, how is your mom?”[ concern claiming your face ]
“Same as before. Angry because I refuse to pursue law. She never understands me.” His head was buried in the warmth of your lap. Snuggling as if it had finally found a gentle sanctuary. Your fingers were gently weaving through his tresses. A peaceful exhalation released the suffocation building inside his chest. You replied after thinking for a minute.
“ I understand. Our parents sometimes create overwhelming pressure on us. But it’s okay you know. If you talk with her gently I’m sure she will understand. Why don’t you tell her about the revolutionary plan of creating a lavish dog shelter… .”
He didn’t utter a word. His hands brushed against yours signaling to continue your movements in his hair. You waited for few moments. A sudden happiness brightened your face as if you had found the cure of cancer.
“Jake.. even if something very bad happens, you should never let go of your dreams. I will be there with you always. Do whatever you feel. You can always count on me. You will not get rid of me easily.”
Jake slowly faced you staring intently into your eyes. A soft smile crept into his eyes.
“ Y/N.” His words pulled your attention back into him. His face glowed with inner peace. He wove his hands through your hair creating a tender spell. His eyes held your gaze for a minute or two, then he exclaimed,
“ promise me you will never leave me.”
The night was enveloped in calmness. Stars crowded the black sky. The cold breeze caressed your cheek, probably it silently mocked you then. The air was filled his whispers of perfume. He took your face in his hands and brushed his lips against your. He gently rubbed your ears to comfort you during the kiss.
.
.
Love now feels a fascinating Joke to you. Even after 30th January night your mind was busy finding any glimpse of untruth in his eyes. But memory fails you. All you can remember was his truthfulness when he looked at you. His pain when you got hurt. His urge to protect you. You thought may be that was what they call love. 26th of January, your missed calls and unseen texts baffled you with some horrendous possibilities. His sudden disappearance made you suspect something very bad might had happened with him. Very bad! After 96 breathless hours, you got your answer, yet some remained unasked.
Your mom’s arrival demanded your presence at the airport. Your eyes were busy scanning the airport, then…..
His hands were entangled with a beautiful girl. He was walking side by side with her. Your mind started criticizing your poor eyesight. The closer he came to you, the harder it became for you to breath. His gaze caught you red handed. Your heart broke into myriad fragments when he averted his gaze. Your feet felt numb. The air sang a symphony of sarcasm. You choked on your tears. You felt numb. Suddenly a pair of hands grappled your coat. Your vision had blurred when you turned to meet your Mom’s enraged eyes.
“ What the hell are you thinking? Ignoring your mom. Don’t forget who had given you roof before. Ungrateful brat! A little money came in your pocket and you started thinking yourself as queen! Huh!”
She grinned her teeth.
You just stared at your mom. If it was Jake he would have seen your inner turmoil. But your mom’s hands held your cheeks forcefully and asked,
“ For whom are you waiting? Take me to the Delight cafe. Someone is waiting for me there. Don’t you dare to ruin our date with your melodramatic feelings for your dad!”
.
.
The sharp sound of your alarm woke you up. The empty bedside was yet to become your habit. Your forehead still expects a morning a kiss. Idiot! The clock ticks six. You woke up from your bed and waddled to the bathroom. Your chest tightens seeing your reflection. Your empty eyes were staring at you with disgust. Skin more pale than usual. Dry lips. Nothing but an unloved face was standing on the other side of mirror. The warm water drenched your body. You were missing a strong pair of biceps hugging you from the back.
“NO, JAKE! I WILL SHOWER ALONE TODAY, YOU CAN’T INVADE MY PRIVACY.”
Jake was leaning against the wall. He came closer and tugged a hair strand behind your ears. He admired your facial features. His whisper filled you with ‘ Bad Desire ‘.
He held your waist and take you in his arms. You can clearly memorize his trails of kisses. How he always took a moment to admire your naked body. Your cheeks used to heat up against his wet cheeks. His hands used to worship each and every curve of your body. It is the only time when you are with him you never feared judgement . Your guards were always down for him. He used to arrange his words,
“ I will never let you go.”
The water drops hitting the floor, eternally leaving the the pipes where it was caged f. It was free. Did it enjoy the freedom? The windows fogged due to hot shower. You had lost count of time. You can still differentiate hot tears from the hot water.
Your cell phone screamed to catapult you into reality. You dried yourself with a towel. You hurried to pick the phone up. Your mom’s message enlightened your phone’s screen.
“ you have forgotten to send us our electricity bill.”
You immediately sent the money with screenshot. There was no else message. No one to ask how you were? Just work related messages. Except your C.E.O and your mother no one even calls you nowadays. They both only call to take something from you. Selfish? At least they are there. Loneliness is actually the worst disease. It longs for company which it fears the most.
Without your notice a dress had enveloped you, preparing you for the meeting. The clock ticks 7:00. the bus stop is 30 minutes away and it takes 25 minutes to the office. You were supposed to reach at 7:55. You did not check the time when you reached office. Your assistant informed you to head the room 13. You went to the washroom before, and lost your balance. Gravity’s violent persuasion threw you on the ground. A searing jolt coursed through your ankle, leaving a trail of throbbing pain. You could not wake up for few moments. A sharp pain numbed your feet. You waited for god knows how much time. Then slowly the ground relinquished its claim and you slowly woke up. You did not realize your ankle was bleeding. You rushed to the room 13. the door creaked open.
“Excuse me.. apologies for my late arrival…”
Words stuck at your throat. Your vocal cords became heavy with sudden overpowering emotions.
“As long as I’m alive I will never let you cry.” was one of the hundreds of his broken promises. How does it feel Jake to know you’re the reason for her tears? You have broken the promise , severely.
Someone cleared throat. The sound catapulted both of you in present.
“ please take a sit. Miss Y/N. I think we should start our meeting.”
You averted your gaze to take the sit beside your C.E.O.. Creative Director, miss Y/N.
You’re focusing on your trembling fingers and the unease in your stomach.
“What happened to your ankle?”
You rose your head at the voice that used to navigate the labyrinth of your soul with ease. You couldn’t utter a word. You knew if you even open your mouth a deluge of emotions will break through. You stared blankly at him. He swallowed something,a lump of cry maybe. He as usual studied your face and from the depth of satchel a bandage came out. He knelt down like he used to when promises used to make sense to you. Holding your feet in his hand he rubbed the side of the wound. Your skin caught fire with his touch. His finger brushed against your ankle’s skin making you frenzy with unnamed emotions. The whole 17 staffs were watching their scary Boss’s this unexplained behaviour. They were sure without witnessing it with their eyes they would never had believed it. Jake carefully placed the bandage on your wound. Your wound believed in his promise of healing. You’re too stunned to speak at this point. The world seemed to have blurred, Jake was only on focus. He looks up, the same deceiving eyes , filled with care. Like a master cartographer he mapped the terrain of your face charting the depths of your emotions. He took his seat.
He commanded to start. The room filled with whispers but nothing conjured your mind. Your mind was only replaying him, again and again. When it’s your turn to speak, you could not find your voice. His gaze fixed at you, once again hearing the unspoken words he said,
“ The deal is final.”
“Sir, but we haven’t heard their presentation...”The secretary protested.
“ I believe the director of the project. Thank you Park enterprise for your cooperation.” Jake stretched his hand for handshake.
You can feel the heaviness of other’s stare. You were just shocked, confused and may be disgustingly happy. Your inner voice spoke with a hushed tone dripping with verbiage your mother had used against you. You reflected your foolish vulnerability for him inside your heart. Your mom was right , a shame like you should have never been born. When your attention came back to the world , the people were slowly disappearing from the front door. You felt a small tug on your right sleeve. Your assistant Jungwon was pulling you. You couldn’t help but look at Jake’s ferociously decieving eyes. He was giving death stares to Jungwon. The eyes express nothing but ‘what you thought before’ jealousy.
When you reached your cabin you fell on your chair. The turmoil in your mind was doing nothing to dissuade the pain in your stomach. His thoughts conjured your mind. It is replaying in a loop like a broken DVD. The time took it’s own pace, but yours has stopped. It’s still stuck on his eyes, deceiving eyes.
.
.
“how much you love me?”
“ like the depth of your eyes.”
.
.
Your consciousness landed on earth by the sound of your assistant’s voice. He was making you aware of the time. You unfolded your frame and headed home. You strolled along the road savoring minimal details of the road. The sky was a black canvas painted with brush strokes of clouds. The crescent moon placed alone. Cold winds were passing by with their friends. The honking vehicles created the same old menace. The neon lights revealed the deepest darkest secrets of the pavement. The road was as usual filled with haste. People were trying their best to minimize the time of their reaching home. But you have no hurry. They have home, but you have an apartment you reside on. Their haste is a testimony of someone’s anticipation for them. Yours on the other hand is made with unfamiliar, silent bricks. The house has now become endowed with insidious memories of him. The voice in your mind was busy persuading you to take a new apartment. The broken DVD is never silent. Who filled it with Jake’s pictures? Jake’s deceiving eyes embarrassingly claim every hole in your heart. Now his sudden arrival had restored the wounds. Is he really playing with you? Knowing your weakness, he is taking advantage of you? Is he again going to leave like before? Is he going to again break your not at all healed heart? What does he want from you? Unanswered questions filled your mind. You don’t know whether you’re sad because you could not see through his eyes or you really fell for him. Maybe both.
Your life was never a bed of roses. With your continuous encounter with parents fighting you had taken a silent oath of not trusting in love. That was the reason maybe you are devoid of any acquaintance. But Jake, he was different. He tried his best to reach every bar you had set for your future boyfriend. You were sure he will never leave you like others did. With him you used to feel seen, heard and understood. His love was a masterpiece crafted with care and devotion. When your mom started finding happiness in other men’s lecherous company, you thought you will be wiser. Choosing Jake made you feel love really exists in this world.
Who says eyes don’t lie? Everything can lie.
When you entered your apartment , you were surprised to see a bouquet of flowers waiting for you. A note beside the flower drew your attention. You picked it up.
‘Dear,
I’m glad you have not changed your home’s password. I know I owe you many explanations. But for now just take my apologies. There is a necklace that you were hoping to buy when *we* will grow up. I guess I have grown up. I don’t know whether you will accept it and I know I don’t deserve to force you to take the necklace. I’m now here dear, I will fix everything. I really wish you could trust me. I’m once again very sorry. I love you love. I really love you.
Yours,
Jake ‘
The words clutter your mind. Warm tears kissed your temple. They started pouring out after staying long inside your heart. Sorry just a sorry, that’s what he thinks you deserve, ‘I will fix everything.’ how much broken promises you will make Jake? Why? Your heart ached with sorrow. It is tired Jake. Please….
You cried yourself to sleep. You woke up with your alarm.
You are sure you have nothing in your fridge right now. Other days you might had rushed to the office cafeteria, but today your arrival will confront you with some rumors about yesterday. Jake’s behaviour had surely become a great topic of gossip.
“ dang it! One rameyon and I will be happy.. please god, just one.”
Your eyes widened with shock finding your kitchen table filled with different kinds of rameyon packets. Fridge is restocked with every veggies. The worst of all there is your favourite blue berry pancakes with a note saying,’ I know you are tired to make any breakfast. Just reheat it. It’s made yesterday night. I’m sure it’s safe to eat. Don’t worry I didn’t came in the morning.’ no need to doubt the authenticity. It’s him again. You hate how you have made yourself transparent. He knew you way better than anyone. It hurts. It hurts more to know an apparent stranger knowing you that good. You felt a strong emotion rushing through your body…. You were missing him….badly.
His strong arms enveloped around you. His nose was snuggled your neck. He sniffed your scent and whispered “ a little bit more. Please.” your in vain tries to free you from his arms used to make him chuckle. “No Jake. I need to make breakfast.” You softly pecked his lips and pulled back. He opened his eyes and admired your face for a moment. The moment he loosened his grip to properly taste your lips, you freed yourself and headed towards the bathroom. He could not help but smile at your cuteness. When you came out of the bathroom you found the table decorated with your favourite blueberry pancakes.
In your office cabin,
An envelope was kept on your table. You were really disappointed to find out it’s not from Jake. It’s an invitation of your C.E.O’s daughter’s birthday. You had to attend it today at 6: 00. You were kind of relieved. You were honestly not prepared to go your apartment once again. Whatever he does makes it unbearable for you to cope up.
You reached home at 5:45. There was again a bouquet but it is not accompanied with any note. You rushed to your wardrobe. A blue dress you had bought on 3rd January caught your eye. Jake was with you that time. It was his choice. If the clock was not ticking that loudly probably you had thought about it for a moment. But you put on the dress and did a little make up. Your hair was fell across your shoulder, just how Jake liked. Perfect combination of lip gloss and lipstick was making your lips looking so delicious. Your dress was hugging your body. The mirror praised you. Jake had a really nice choice. Jake had never seen you in this dress. You could not help but think what would Jake think if he saw you in that dress. You brushed off tour thoughts and headed for the venue.
