— In which you’re in a complicated connection with james, a guy who struggles to articulate his feelings. He’s too friendly for his own good, sending you flirtatious message with mixed signals, brushing off every tense moments as a joke, leaving you high and confused. You try to walk away, to hold onto your own dignity, will you be led down by your own lack of self respect?
𖹭 pairing ; bestfriend!james x "dense" reader. word count: 1291
where he's attempts at trying to make you his all failed because you were so oblivious or are you? fluff.
JAMES PROPPED HIMSELF against your locker, that same easy grin playing on his lips like it belonged there. You didn't see that his ears were a tinge pink from getting himself worked up all morning, or how your friends already fell quiet behind you, waiting for the show to get on the road.
"So..." James got out slowly, "you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?"
You blinked at him, tilting your head. "Oh—ya, sure! You can walk with us! We're headed to the café after class, right girls?"
The silence hung heavier than a hamstring can off a gridiron player running from the corner back position. Your friends all slapped their foreheads in unison and groaned quietly. James looked at you for a moment, having his heart somewhere between breaking and melting because you were so damn oblivious.
"She's actually hopeless," Hyein whispered.
"He literally confessed without confessing, oh my god."
James let out a soft laugh, brushing his hand through his hair so you wouldn't see how flustered he was and said, "Right. To the café with you... and your girl gang. Sounds fun."
You smiled at him, completely overlooking the way his jaw tightened again for a second like he was holding back something he wasn't ready to say yet.
Behind you, Keonho walked by with his basketball, glancing at James with the most done expression a little brother could ever wear. "Dude, just do it, she's a lost cause."
Keonho had just left when you puffed out your cheeks and crossed your arms. "I'm not a lost cause! That's so mean."
James scratched the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly. "Yeah..... mean," he agreed, although his eyes softened like he could no longer deny it.
After class was over, you were still pouting a bit when James came over to your desk and leaned down to grab your bag before you could. "C'mon." He said, "Let's go."
You blinked perplexed, "Oh—thanks." You reached out as second nature to stay near him and instinctively grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. James felt it, his heart stuttering at the little tug.
As you both exited, you leaned in close like you were about to tell him the most important secret. "Don't say anything to anybody but—I heard people in class saying that you liked someone."
James stopped walking from half a second. "...Uh."
You smiled completely unaware of the tension rising in James's shoulders. "Is it true?? Who is it??"
Hyein was right behind you and almost choked when she caught your question. "Oh my god..." she whispered to your other friend, who slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from exploding.
James chuckled nervously, attempting to diffuse the situation. "Maybe, maybe not."
This made your grip on his sleeve tighten even more, bouncing a little on your feet while you whined, "Tell me! Tell me! I won't tell anyone, I swear! I'm your best friend, you have to tell me."
Your friends exchanged glances, all silently yelling at how oblivious you were.
By the time you arrived at the café, you still had him pinned down. "Is it someone from class? Someone from your club? Do I know her? What's her name??"
James simply sat your bag down on the seat next to him, looking at you with an amused yet exasperated smile. Little did you know how close you were sitting to the truth.
He reclined in his chair back, a slight grin on his face. "Okay. I have a proposal for you."
You looked at him in skepticism. "...What type of proposal?"
"I'll reveal who it is-"He leaned in, his elbows on the table, "-only if you are unable to make the correct guess. No limitations to your guesses."
You eyes widened in determination. "Deal."
Everyone else leaned forward, practically shaking in secondhand embarrassment.
The waiter came over with a slice of strawberry shortcake, that you swore you couldn't eat all by yourself, so James had it to "share" with you but that ended up not happening and the only thing left of it was one sad forkful.
James just raised his eyebrow up. "Could eat it all, huh?"
You hummed.. "I couldn't. That's way too much sugar for me, you know that."
"You literally ate 90% of it," he muttered, nearly laughing, pushing the last forkful of cake toward you so you had to finish it.
You shook your head violently. "Never."
So he sighed and just finished the whole thing himself.
While this was happening, you kept firing off names. "Is it Hana? Omg, or maybe Yura. She's adorable, right? Omg is it Liz??"
"Wrong. Wrong. And wrong." James was half amused, half wanting to bang his head against the table.
Wonhee chimed in dramatically, "Girl, he's giving you so many hints."
"What hints?" you exclaimed once more.
"He literally said someone who is always nearby him," one friend remarked, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Yeah, someone who knows him best," Hyein chimed in with a slight grin.
"Um... Keonho?" you said without any hesitation.
"WHAT?!" James almost grimaced in disgust. Your friends all fell down in laughter. "That's your brother!" You could only bury your face into the palm of your hands.
He just sighed, putting his fork down and leaning towards you with a pout; his eyes never left yours. "Y/n..."
You peeked over your hands, only to freeze when he reached over your face and stroked the corner of your mouth with his thumb. "You had cream on your mouth," he said.
Your heart did a violent backflip.
You blinked as your lips parted, not knowing what to do as he drawled his thumb up to his mouth, licking it clean without breaking eye contact. His gaze was so intense it made your breath catch.
Your friends all swooned in disbelief behind you.
James tilted his head, in a softer tone but also still assured. "Still can't guess?"
Your throat felt dry. "...N-no."
He smiled just a little, leaning in a little closer. "It's you, dumbass. It's always been you."
For a moment, you just looked at him in wide-eyed disbelief. Then you let out a laugh. "You can't be serious."
James furrowed his brows, lips parting in disbelief that you brushed his lame line aside so quickly. But your laughter finally subsided, and you leaned in with a slight smile.
"...What if I told you I wasn't as clueless as everyone thinks?"
The entire table went silent. James blinked at you like you'd just thrown the entire room off guard. "Wait—what?"
You shrugged in response, rattling your fork around your plate. "I mean, you've been... obvious. The presents, the cheesy pickup lines... the way you've glared at any guy who even tried to breathe in my direction," you said softly as you leaned in closer. "I just wanted to see if you would actually say it."
The expression on your friends' faces each dropped. James's ears turned bright red, and he buried his face in his hands with a groan. "For the love of God... You've got to be completely joking..."
"Sorry," you mumbled with the tiniest hint of a smirk to your lips, nudging his arm with a chuckle, "I didn't think you'd get this flustered."
Once he finally had the courage to look out from behind his fingers, you leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips. It wasn't more than just a second, but it was long enough to freeze him in place.
"Oops," you said through his smile, settling back down like you'd done nothing, again.
James was there, perfectly still, probably wishing he could get up and not look like a complete idiot while your friends freaked out all around you.
𝔀arnings. mentions of a bear attack, getting stung, mention of losing a finger, mentions of fire, lowercase intended ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ
⊹ ࣪ ˖ 𝘀𝗲𝘃𝘆𝗻𝗈𝗍𝖾𝗌. not proofread, i had this idea after watching gravity falls idk why
୨𝑒 james zhao 𑙕
“i promise you it will be fun! we can heat up marshmallows, sing by the fireplace, take a bath in the lake–”, you interrupt him “we’ll get bitten by bugs, going to the toilet will be a nightmare and we’re going to sleep in a tent in the middle of the forest”.
james sighs and keeps driving, “come on! we haven’t arrived yet, i’m sure you’ll learn to love it, plus, i’m basically an expert at this” he says with a proud grin.
once you two park your car, he takes a deep breath of fresh air, “ah, can you feel it babe? the smell of the nature is always refreshing”, you nod unsure as you watch a centipede crawl on a tree “yeah… the nature is so… beautiful”.
james rummages in the trunk of his car, pulling out a box with a brand new tent he bought just for the occasion, “stay back babe, let a real man handle this”, you sigh, a hint of a smile on your lips “are you sure you don’t need any help?”, he scoffs lightly “of course not! relax and let me handle this”.
“ok!” you reply, taking a seat by a small bench nearby, partially glad you get to sit and watch your boyfriend totally struggle with the tent.
hours go by, and james has set up for now one pole, his hair is messy because of his hand constantly running in it, he has put on glasses to read the instructions, and he’s sitting on the ground trying to find all the pieces, he groans “ugh! when i was younger the instructions seemed much clearer!”.
you smile softly at him, getting up from your seat and kneeling down at his level, “still don’t need a hand?”.
james stays quiet for a few seconds “...maybe i do”. you chuckle softly, and with your help, you both successfully set up the tent, with you laughing whenever he’d get confused and irritated at the instructions or at the way he’d groan when he’d place a piece wrong, but maybe camping wasn’t so bad after all.
୨𝑒 juhoon kim 𑙕
you and your boyfriend have decided to take a break from the busy city life, and went camping. the problem? juhoon isn’t very fond of it. “babe, i think this frog is going to jump at me” he mumbles, holding your hand tightly as you both take a walk in the forest, “babe relax, it’s probably scared of you twice as much”. the frog croaked, and your boyfriend basically jumped in your arms.
it was an eventful day for juhoon: he got stung by a few bees, he fell into the lake and he tripped in a mud pond. he was already done with this outdoor adventure, but you seemed so genuinely aligned with nature, and relaxed too, so he didn’t want to ruin your fun. that night, as you both are in your tent, you try to medicate his bee stings, feeling sorry for how his day had turned out, “ju, listen, i… i’m very sorry, i know it was a hard day for you. we can go home if you don’t feel like sleeping here”.
juhoon takes a deep breath “no i… we can stay, despite all that has happened you were still there for me, even now you’re tending to my bee stings” he smiles softly at you. you slightly smile back at him, “if a bear decides to attack us tonight i’ll get in front of you to defend you, he has to step on me first” you say, puffing out your chest to make him smile. he chuckles and pinches your cheek softly “hey, slow down lion heart, and don’t make me think about this possible scenario”.
you smile and peck his cheek, you turn off your lamp and you lay down to sleep, but this time, he is the one safely tucked in your arms.
୨𝑒 martin edwards 𑙕
summer time is your favorite period of time, why? because you get to plan fun adventures with your overly energetic boyfriend. this time, you two decided to head to a camping site downtown.
“ah! beautiful nature!” your boyfriend exclaims with a proud grin as you start to unload the car. you look at the sky, it’s starting to tint with shades of pink and orange “uhh babe, we should start making a campfire, the sun’s about to set”, “oh, right” he says a bit sheepishly. you raise your eyebrow at him “...you do know how to start a campfire?”. a moment of silence stretches between you two, then he huffs out a laugh “babe, of course i know how to start a campfire”.
he did not know how to start a campfire.
you helped him gather some stones and wood to set it up, he insisted on starting the fire. at first, he claimed to do it the “natural way”; with two wooden sticks. “babe i don’t think–” “i promise it’s almost there! give it time”.
then, he tried rubbing two rocks together, but the moment he saw a sparkle, he threw them on the ground “phew, i almost lost a finger”.
the sky was starting to tint with darker hues, and the cold of the night was beginning to set. you rub your arms “babe, can’t we just look for a lighter–” he says, still focused on the tiny mountain of wood “i got this babe, don’t worry, you will be warm by the fire in a few seconds”.
as he’s sat on the ground, trying to look for a way to light up the fire, you sneakily head to the car, and rummage under the seats for a lighter, once you finally find it, you settle next to him. “babe, i love you, but we’ll be freezing cold at this rate” you say, handing him the lighter. he sighs “ok… you’re right, i guess. i just wanted to impress you by taking the lead” he says, as he begins to set fire to a smaller piece of wood. you smile, and reach by the tent you set up earlier for his guitar “well, i know what always impresses me” you say, handing him his guitar to play.
୨𝑒 seonghyeon eom 𑙕
as you and your boyfriend are exploring the campsite you decided to spend a weekend in, you find a tiny lake near the forest. you gasp excitedly “we have to go take a bath! it will be so refreshing!”. your boyfriend scrunches his nose “are you sure it’s safe babe?” you wave a hand at him, dismissing his statement “yeah babe, there’s the sign right there! what could go wrong?”
lots of things could go wrong.
while you are taking a relaxing swim inside the lake, feeling the sunlight on your skin and little fish swimming besides you, you suddenly hear your boyfriend scream. who knew, that your brave boyfriend, was terrified of the water? specifically, what is inside of the water?
you chuckle at the sight of him struggling to get in, and you swim by the shore “babe, i promise you nothing scary is hiding underwater”. he gulps “no i.. i know, nothing scary…”.
you smile, you had to admit, seeing your boyfriend so scared and vulnerable made your heart soften.
you stand up, holding out your hand for him to hold “come on, one step at a time”.
he reluctantly takes your hand, and as soon as the water reaches his calves, he jumps a bit “something touched me! babe we have to get out no–” you hold his shoulders “breathe, it’s seaweed. see?” you reach for it in the water and hold it up for him to see. he takes a sigh of relief “phew, you never know… these things, they snuggle everywhere”.
after what felt like an eternity, you managed to get in the lake, the water level reaching just above your bellybutton.
you turn to him with a smile, still holding his hand “see? wasn’t so bad”. he’s still tense, but definitely less scared than before “yeah… but i’m still not sure this is a good idea”.
you roll your eyes playfully at him “oh come on babe, you’re no fu–”, in that exact moment, a wave of water completely covers you. you rub your eyes and take a deep breath, looking at your boyfriend, who is laughing and holding his belly “ you should have seen your face!”. he quits laughing the moment you push him and make him fall underwater, the moment he gets up, he moves his wet hair from his forehead, “war it is then!”
୨𝑒 keonho ahn 𑙕
“are you really sure you know how to do this?” you ask your boyfriend as he begins to gather the coal for the barbecue “hey! i promised you i’d take care of the meat while you relax! don’t worry about it” he says with a proud grin as he pours the coal in the barbecue.
you thought it would’ve been a good idea to take your boyfriend to this campsite, a breath of fresh air never hurt no one. but now, he seems convinced that he’s the nature man just because he helped a little bird get back in his nest the moment you stepped foot in there, and he hasn’t let you raise a finger ever since.
you shrug, “alright, i’ll just sit back then”. you relax by the hammock, closing your eyes and enjoying the peace of the nature. from time to time, you sneak a glance at your boyfriend making sure he’s alright and doesn’t need your help, but after a few minutes, sleep takes over you.
you are woken up by a strange smell, you scrunch your nose and groggily open your eyes, only to find your boyfriend trying to turn off the fire that has set by the barbecue. you sit up quickly “babe! i was asleep for a few minutes?!”, you exclaim, quickly rushing up to help him. he’s full on panicking “the meat was taking too long so i added more coal! i didn’t know it would go on fire!”.
“do something babe! or we are going to go on fire!” you say, looking around for something that can stop the small yet scary fire. keonho takes a deep breath “you’re right, what could stop a fire? oh! maybe an extinguisher! …but i don’t think there are many in the middle of the forest… oh! maybe we can put a cover over it! …but what if the fire burns it down?”
he is so deep in thought he doesn’t notice you rushing to grab one of your water bottles and pouring it all over the now carbonated meat.
“...yeah that could work too, thanks babe” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. you take a sigh of relief, then turns to him, ruffling his hair “next time, we can just eat a sandwich”
Synopsis : you and James have been dating way before he became an idol. And now adjusting to the popularity was hard but James was so sure he could work it out and was willing to risk everything.
Pairing : James x fem!reader
Genre : smau with slight angst
Playlist - dangerously by charlie puth
Tommy's notes : idk but this song just reminds me of james so much i just had to do it. Also sorry not sorry, but this is infact a loud 'fuck you' to toxic fans.
a/n : this wasn't how i actually wanted the story to go but oh well, idk if i will do a part 2 guys. we might just have to end it on angst lol. We'll see though. I just wanted to bring back my childhood song and will probably do that for my future posts too.
٠࣪⭑ where you meet someone who is admiring the same art as you, you guys both talk to each other about the history of it and how you both enjoy the art.
٠࣪⭑ james x fem!reader
wc - 0.7k
it was another day, another visit to your favorite art museum. you loved coming here, history called to you, especially since it was so beautiful told through art.
you were never one to come here with others. you enjoyed taking your time, examining the art, while reading the history of it and when it was made.
everything came so beautifully to you, it’s easier for you to see things in a more detailed, lively way. the art helped you with this. as a kid it was just watching the way the grass moved along the wind.
you would talk your moms ear off about it, and many more things. you were called weird for always thinking that way as a kid. everyone would always tell you to shut up or to just stop talking about that stuff around them, calling it dumb.
that’s a big reason why you don’t bring people to the museum, you thought people would call you weird all over again, and you would have to cry in your moms arms, all over again.
today was a good day ! you had picked out a nice outfit, got a good drink before, and entered into the museum. you were kindly greeted by staff, the fact that you’re a regular really helps.
you make your way to the culture section, your favorite collection of arts to look at and study.
when you get to your favorite piece, there’s already someone there. you don’t normally see someone reading the history of that painting or anyone by it at all, some people called it boring, at least online they did.
you walk up slowly, not trying to startle the guy beside you. he’s peacefully examining the art and is humming to himself.
soon he realizes you’re right beside him and immediately apologizes.
“oh my goodness i am so sorry, i had no idea you were here. here i’ll move over.” he bows and slides over so there’s enough room for you both to look at the painting.
“Clearing After Rain” by Jeong Seon.
it was your favorite, but seeing someone else enjoying it as much as you do? it made you confident, wanting to speak to him about it, which you did.
“do you like this painting?” you speak up, looking in his direction.
his head turns towards you and smiles,
“i love it, it’s my favorite. i always take a while to move on from this one everytime i’m here. how about you?” he offers your opinion aswell.
“oh i love it too! it just itches something in my brain when looking at it, if you get what i mean. the history is really fascinating too, i’ve read all about it.” you say while looking back at the painting.
“i’m glad to have someone to relate to on this, nobody ever likes to listen to me talk about art anymore. my friends say it’s taken over my life haha” he laughs while gesturing to sit down at a bench infront of the painting.
“no way, me too! everyone would always tell me to quiet down when talking about such things, but it’s just.. so beautiful to me” you laugh aswell, connecting on how you would be told off.
“well what’s your favorite thing about the painting?” you add on.
“that’s a good question, i mean i would say it’s the backstory. the artist really made it prettier by really connecting the thought of the mountains clearing up after snow, and having that feeling as a human, things clearing up for you, like stress or sadness”
he rambles on, head down.
you can’t believe you met someone who sees things the same way as you. you were always made fun of, so everything currently is such a relief.
you guys go on about the painting then continue to walk through the museum together. you guys both talk to eachother about fun facts about the art pieces or relate on your knowledge of the history about the art.
once you guys reach the end, you both have exchanged numbers already and next week, there’s a mark on each of your guys calendar reading,
“museum with james/museum with y/n!”
you guys nonstop send eachother new museums to go to and just chat for days and days.
oh how the world just loves mosaics of connections.
a/n: omg so actually i thought of this idea while walking through my cities museum, gosh i love those dang thing sm. and one of those photos up there…. is mine!!!! i love museums omgomgomg and I KNOW JAMES FREAKING WOULD TOO YOU CANT TELL ME NO. and sorry it this sucks guys, it’s 12am rn…
ᥫ᭡. I don't usually write one-shots, nor do I enjoy them. I love me a full story, so this is definitely a first. Also my first time writing on Tumblr, so bare with me lmao.
ᥫ᭡. Don't forget to like + follow. Would be highly appreciated<3
ᥫ᭡. Songs
•Hate Me - Ellie Golding & Juice World
•Slow grenade - Ellie Golding & Lauv
•Moonlight - Chase Atlantic
•Right Here - Chase Atlantic
•Paradise - Chase Atlantic
•Idfc - Blackbear
•Do re mi - Blackbear
ᥫ᭡. Tags (some are random): @vanishingnana @kittyhooncatalogues @bunnyjhs
˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦ ˚ . ★⋆.
. ˚ * ✦ . . ✦ ˚ ˚ .˚ . . ˚ . ✦.
݁ ˖Ი𐑼⋆
The sky was a strange shade of blue tonight. The kind of blue that only existed for a few minutes every evening, when the sun already disappeared but evening not fully in view yet. Streetlights began to flicker awake while the last traces of daylight lingered stubbornly across the horizon.
James sat motionless behind the steering wheel of his car. The engine was still running as the heater hummed softly. But his hands felt cold. He stared through the rearview mirror at the familiar house behind him. The white paint, crooked mailbox and the bedroom window on the second floor where a warm yellow light glowed behind the curtains were all too familiar.
He knew that room.
He spent countless nights sitting by that window, talking to her until three in the morning, laughing until his stomach hurt and planning a future they were too young to understand. Now it felt like someone else's life. Gone within an instant. Never the same again. The cardboard box sitting in the passenger seat caught his attention and inside were pieces of her. Jane. In that box was a navy-blue hoodie she used to steal from him every winter, a silver necklace she forgot in his bathroom, two books, a hair tie and a polaroid photograph from their first anniversary.
The photograph sat on top of everything else. James picked it up, the edges bent from years of holding. The image showed two teenagers standing on a beach. It was him and Jane. Jane stood next to him with her arms were wrapped around his waist while she smiled directly at the camera. James wasn't looking at the camera at all.
He was looking at her. His chest tightened almost immediately. Back then, loving her felt as natural as breathing. Now...it felt like drowning. For a brief moment, he considered driving away. He could leave the box on her doorstep, text her that he left it there and avoid seeing her altogether.
It would certainly hurt less.
Instead, he opened the car door and cold air rushed inside immediately. The chill bit at his skin as he stepped onto the pavement. The sound of the door closing echoed loudly in the quiet neighbourhood.
For a second, everything became still. Then, the front door opened. And there she was.
Jane.
The sight of her hit him harder than he expected. Three months have passed since the breakup. Three months since the messages and three months since the screaming, the crying and the endless phone calls that led to nowhere.
Three whole months.
Yet seeing her still felt like reopening a wound that barely began to heal. Jane looked different. Not physically, no. Her hair was the same. Her face was the same. But there was something missing.
Perhaps it was the light behind her eyes. Or the warmth she always carried. The girl James remembered looked like pure sunshine. But the one standing before him looked cold like winter.
For several seconds neither of them moved or spoke. The wind blew past them carrying the scent of rain. Jane's eyes landed on the box in his hands.
He watched her expression crumble. It happened slowly, almost like watching glass crack.
"Oh."
The word came out barely above a whisper and James nodded once. Neither of them knew what else to say. The silence was utterly painful. It was the kind of silence that only existed between two people who knew that this was the end, and that nothing would ever be the same again.
Jane wrapped her arms around herself. James couldn't tell whether it was from the cold or from nervousness.
Probably both, He thought.
"You didn't have to bring it yourself." Jane's voice sounded so fragile. James stared at the driveway.
"Yeah." That was all he said. Just one word.
But Jane noticed. Of course she did. Because she knew him. Or at least she used to. She knew he was being careful. Keeping his distance. Protecting himself.
The realization visibly hurt her. Because James has never been distant with her before.
Ever.
Not once. Not even after she cheated.
He was the kind of boy who remembered every small detail, who carried extra hair ties around because she always lost hers. The kind who drove across town at midnight because she was having a bad day and wanted ice cream.
James loved without hesitation. He loved her too much.
And now he couldn't even look at her.
The worst part was that she understood why. The guilt sat permanently inside her chest these days. It was a heavy, ugly thing that followed her everywhere. No matter how much she regretted cheating on him, no matter how many times she replayed her mistakes, nothing changed the outcome.
She hurt him. And some wounds stayed wounds no matter how sorry the person responsible was.
"James..."
His jaw tightened. The sound of his name on her lips still affected him and that was the problem. Everything about her still affected him.
He looked up and for the first time that evening, their eyes met properly. The air seemed to leave his lungs because despite everything...
He still loved her. God he still loved her. That was the cruel joke. People always talked about betrayal like it killed love instantly. As if heartbreak came with an off switch. As if discovering the truth automatically erased years of memories.
It didn't.
Love remained.
That's what made it hurt. He wished he hated her. He wished looking at her filled him with anger. He thought hatred would have been easier but instead, all he felt was grief. Pure, endless grief. Like mourning someone who was still alive.
Jane's eyes filled with tears. Not because he looked angry, but because he looked exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders seemed heavier. He looked like someone who spent months carrying a weight nobody else could see. And somehow she knew she was the reason why he felt this way.
The thought nearly broke her. "James please..I know I messed up but..." She whispered again.
His expression softened for the briefest second. Just a second. Then it disappeared, gone before she could hold onto it.
"Don't." The word didn't sound cruel and that somehow made it worse. Because underneath all the hurt, he was still so gentle.
He was still James. Her James.
He was the boy she ruined. And standing there under the blue evening sky, Jane realized something that made her stomach twist.
No matter how much she regretted it. No matter how deeply she loved him and no matter how desperately she wanted another chance...
She would spend the rest of her life comparing every future love to the boy standing in front of her.
And none of them would ever come close.
Her eyes began to water. Then, she laughed softly through her tears.
"You hate me."
James looked away.
"No." He said quietly.
He still loved Jane. And she knew she didn't deserve it.
Jane wiped her eyes.
"Why are you doing this?"
James frowned. "Doing what?"
"The box."
His throat tightened. "Because it's over. I no longer want any part of this, Jane."
Jane looked like she had been slapped.
Over.
Such a simple word and yet somehow impossible to accept.
She nodded slowly, then whispered, "I never meant for any of it to happen."
James laughed. Not because it was funny, but because if he didn't laugh, he would cry.
"Nobody plans to cheat, Jane."
Her shoulders shook. "I know."
"Do you?"
Jane flinched, and for the first time all night, anger cracked through his sadness. "You had so many chances." His voice wasn't loud. "You could've told me you were unhappy with me Jane."
Silence.
"You could've just left."
Silence.
"You could've chosen literally anything else."
Tears streamed down her face. "I know, James. And I'm sorry..."
His eyes turned glassy. "But you didn't."
Jane finally broke. She covered her mouth and started sobbing. And not the pretty kind. It was ugly. Her chest hurt bad once she realised that she became the villain in someone else's story.
James looked away because seeing her cry still hurt him. Even now. Especially now. Then Jane said something that made his blood run cold.
"I was going to tell you."
His head snapped toward her. "What?"
She swallowed hard. "I was going to tell you that night."
Jane shook her head. "I drove to your apartment."
James stared at her as she continued. "I had already decided."
"Decided what?"
"To confess."
His heartbeat stumbled.
Jane's voice cracked. "I wanted to tell you before you found out."
For a moment neither of them moved.
Then, James whispered, "What changed?"
Jane looked at him, and somehow looked even more heartbroken than before. "You called me."
His eyebrows pulled together. "What?"
Jane nodded. "Crying."
His stomach dropped instantly as he remembered that night. The phone call happened months ago. His grandmother died that same night. He called Jane from the hospital, completely shattered. And she comforted him for hours. Told him she loved him, told him everything would be okay. All while hiding the truth.
Jane's voice barely rose above a whisper. "You needed me."
James couldn't breathe.
"I just couldn't bring myself to tell you." The tears fell harder now. "I heard your voice and I just...I felt terrible."
The realization hit him like a truck. She wasn't trying to make excuses. But that somehow made it worse. Because she sounded genuinely ashamed and broken.
And it changed absolutely nothing.
In that moment James finally understood something.
Love wasn't always enough. Sometimes people loved each other and still ruined everything. Sometimes good people made terrible choices and sometimes forgiveness existed without reconciliation.
And sometimes the person you wanted most became the person you could never have again.
Jane stepped closer. Only a step.
"James..."
He looked at her and for a second they were 16 again. Young, stupid and in love. Before all of this.
"I am so sorry."
James' eyes filled with tears. Not because it fixed anything, but because he believed her. He believed every word. He nodded, then reached into his pocket.
Jane frowned. He pulled out a folded piece of paper with her handwriting covering it.
A letter, it was. One she wrote for him during their first year together.
It was a stupid little note that read:
"Even if we don't work out one day, thank you for teaching me what being loved feels like."
Jane stared at it, confused. James looked down at the paper, then back at her. "I kept this in my wallet for four years."
Jane's heart shattered into a million pieces. She hated herself more knowing that she took advantage of James' pure heart, even without intending to.
Jane's voice trembled. "Will I ever see you again, James?"
The question sat silent between them. James looked at the girl he loved more than anyone. The girl who suddenly became the saddest chapter of his life.
Then he smiled. It was a small, broken smile. And said, "I hope not."
Jane finally understood. This wasn't hatred or revenge. It was just acceptance. The most permanent goodbye of all.
James got back into his car and started the engine. The headlights illuminated the driveway and for a moment, he saw Jane standing there. Alone, holding the box. Holding everything they used to be.
Then, he drove away, and neither of them ran after the other. Because sometimes love isn't measured by who stays. Sometimes it's measured by who finds the strength to leave.
The last thing James saw in his rearview mirror was Jane shrinking into the darkness. And for the first time since losing her....
He cried. Not because he wanted her back or because he hated her. But because some loves die long before the people do.
And that is a grief all its own.
˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦ ˚ . ★⋆.
. ˚ * ✦ . . ✦ ˚ ˚ .˚ . . ˚ . ✦
݁ ˖Ი𐑼⋆
Thank you so much for reading <3 Let me know if y'all would love to read more stories. I've got plenty more ideas! :)
Pairing: James Potter x gn!Reader - Marauders x Reader Content
Word Count: 5.9k (jdklfdh im sorry)
Warnings: Underage Drinking, Implications of... yeah. I think that’s about it.
Requested: Yes, a long time (i feel bad for only getting to it but i hope the nonnie stuck around to see this piece) by an anon who asked for James x Reader with childhood best friends to lovers trope.
Summary: In which, James Potter was busy writing himself a message on the wall but was too blind to read what he had to say.
Pictures.
In actuality they were only images. For Muggles, they stood stagnant, for James Potter they moved slightly.
But in deeper meaning pictures were moments in time captured in a frame. They were a personal reminder of things that were, things that used to be and anything else that didn’t fall into one of the other two categories.
James Potter adored pictures. His room was littered with them. A handful were of Quidditch players and Tutshill Tornados merchandise. One picture of him and his parents sat on the nightstand beside his bed. But adjourned on the wall to the left was a mostly blank wall. One small Tornados banner was pinned against the soft red paint and in the middle a picture he was particularly fond of.
The film captured James at the age of four. A broom was clutched in his left hand and a toothy smile on his face as the wind rustled his hair causing it to stick up more than it already did. Beside him was you, your eyes crossed and your tongue licking a swirled lolly.
When his mother had shown him the picture you had just left for home, making a young James quite sad that his friend couldn’t stay just a little longer. Euphemia Potter had smiled, handing the picture to her son. “It’s okay, my love. Now you have a piece of Y/N with you.”
“How?” James had asked, his lower lip jutting out in a frown.
Euphemia laughed. “The picture captures you together. Look how happy the two of you look!” she points at her son’s smile in the photo. “You can do whatever you’d like with it.”
James grinned, his eyes lighting up once more. “I want to hang it, mum!” he dragged her hand into the bedroom with him, climbing on top of his bedsheets and pressing the picture to the wall. “Here. That way I can say goodnight to them even when they're not here.”
Euphemia Potter smiled watching as her son tucked himself under the covers. “That’s a brilliant idea, James.” With a wave of her wand, two pins fastened themself to the wall, the photo beneath.
That was the beginning of James’s love for pictures. More pictures would accumulate such as the one of him and his father at a Tornados game. Drawings you would give him of flowers and Kneazles. The pictures would come and go but yours stayed the same. An additional picture of you and James would later be added three years later when the two of you were seven. James’s broom no longer sat in one hand, instead was gripped with two and hovering five feet off the ground. He had a wicked smile on his face, his glasses slightly falling down his nose. You sat behind him, your small fingers clutching to his waist as the picture captured you mid-squeal.
Time went on yet the pictures of the two of you stayed the same. Along with your drawings, which had improved dramatically since you were seven, he’d occasionally find a Hollyhead Harpies banner plastered to his wall. When he came to scold you, pink banners adjourned in his hand, you’d laugh at the pout on his lips. He could never stay angry at you and always joined in on your laughter.
The final year before things would slightly change was the year before going to Hogwarts. A third picture was added at the age of ten. The Potter family had accompanied your family on a trip to Diagon Alley in which you had bought your screech owl, Juniper. James had one arm wrapped around you. His hair was untidy and a goofy smile was on his face as his other hand flicked your forehead. Your eyes were closed mid-laugh as one hand pushed his face away and the other perched with Juniper who screeched happily on your available arm.
Again, time went on quickly and changes were made in James Potter’s room but you were not one of them. He packed up his Hogwarts things the night of August 31st, leaving his room full of pictures with a soft smile.
You rode on the train with him, both of you waving goodbye to your loved ones. You grinned at him wickedly, “Excited?” you ask.
“Definitely.” he responded. “Do you have money for the trolley?”
You slide into a train compartment, one small boy already sitting there. “Yeah. Do you need to borrow some?”
James nodded and you rolled your eyes, handing money over to the kind witch who passed by, grabbing pumpkin pasties for you and Bertie Botts for James.
The ride was life-changing as you made acquaintances with similar mindsets. Two more boys entered your compartment and along with the scrawny boy from before, all of you made it to Gryffindor. “Where dwell the brave at heart” as James liked to put it.
First year was an interesting feat with James quickly falling head over heels for Lily Evans. Your friendship never faltered although the thought of her in his life made you feel odd. However, you were sure she wouldn’t be in his life for quite some time seeing as his persistent efforts were met with an equally stubborn rejection.
“She’s a firecracker, that one.” he sighed, walking beside you down the hall after another devastating encounter with Lily.
“You’re just embarrassing yourself now, my boy.” you reply, dubbing his nickname to ease the comment.
He smirked. “Then why do you hang out with me?”
“Because, I’m the one who makes sure you don’t cross the line from embarrassing to mortifying.”
He shakes his head with a silly grin. “I doubt that. You love me. That’s why.”
You laugh, an effective way of avoiding the curious ideas that ran through your young mind. “Don’t throw around the l- word so quickly! You’ve got to mean it.”
James bumped your side. “But I’ve known you for years.”
You ruffle his hair, making it messier than it already was. “Save it for Evans.”
---
The year ended and the two of you went home to Northern England hands overflowing with Gryffindor red, spirits high with a drive for Quidditch practice and addresses from Remus, Peter, and Sirius tucked away in your pockets.
James’s room changed tremendously that first year. Alongside the Tutshill Tornados merchandise were small Gryffindor banners, lions enchanted to roar at the touch. You had given him one of your sketches from the school year, one of Sirius and him laughing in Transfiguration, another of him and Peter skipping stones. The pictures of the two of you still remained, a small collection of dust coating the edges which he wiped away with a smile.
Second year was merry and full of high spirits. James had acquired his father’s invisibility cloak which gave cause to a number of nighttime rendezvous and adventures in the kitchens. Suspicion arose on Remus, whose monthly disappearances came to your attention. With the help of Sirius and Peter, the group soon discovered Remus’s guarded secret and accepted the furry little problem with open arms.
The Lily Evans situation did not get any better with James’s persistence holding up fiercely and her hatred toward him even more harsh. As Sirius had dubbed it, “Mate, at this point you’re never getting married.” Remus and Peter whole-heartedly agreed, sending James into an adolescent spiral.
“What if I don’t get married, Y/N/N?” he confided in you by the shores of the Black Lake.
You chuckled, his delirium quite adorable. “You’re going to get married, James. Trust me.”
He sighed, snapping a twig between his fingers. “It’s not definite.”
“Nothing is.” you counter.
James groaned. “I know. I know. But I would like it to be. Wouldn’t you?”
You contemplated the idea, a thought coming to your head. “What if it could be?”
He stared at you curiously. Your eyes lit up and James grinned. “Hit me.”
“If by the time we are thirty neither of us are married then we should get married to each other.” you propose, a proud smile on your face. “That way we can have a definite of our own.”
James grinned. “I like that idea. But what if one of us gets married before that?”
You frown. “Then I guess it’d be a flop. But it’s better than nothing, right?”
He agreed quickly. The sun was setting into a pond of pink. The wind rustled and birds chirped and the moment seemed picture perfect and James wished a camera would magically pop up and capture the moment so he’d be able to hang it on his wall for years to come. It did not work that way, instead, he turned to you with a smirk. “I don’t have anything to propose with.”
You looked down in embarrassment and gave him a shove. “We’re not getting married yet! It’s just a deal not the real thing.”
He rolled his eyes at you. “I know but it feels as though something special should happen. How about we seal with a spit swear?”
You stick your tongue out and pretend to gag. “Ew! No.” you flick his forehead causing him to wince. He grins before flicking you back, watching as you fall back onto the grass.
“I guess a flick works as well.” he sighs. “Y/N Potter has a nice ring to it.”
Your head falls against his shoulder. “I can’t believe I might be a Potter one day. Sounds disgusting.”
James laughs, the weight of your head feeling oddly familiar against his shoulder. “Oh, shut it!”
---
The years came and went. Third year, James made the Quidditch team and he quickly became a ladies man despite his obvious pining over Evans. You made sure to keep his feet on the ground as you didn’t want his ego to get larger than it already was. You came to all his games, occasionally bringing a camera so that James could add his moments of glory onto his beloved room wall. There was the time he tried dedicating a shot to you and ended up getting knocked off his broom by a Beater.
He made the next one thankfully.
On the other hand, you had earned the title of master dueler amongst the third years for your quick arm and sharp spellcasting. While James was at Quidditch practice: you, Peter, Remus, and Sirius would practice in empty classrooms although after a while they became rather bored as you would always win. James would cheer you on, even when you beat him there was a compliment of your skill and he was more than anything, proud.
The summer between third and fourth year was the year the Marauders got their first group picture together. Everyone had met up at the Potter residence, Euphemia Potter snapping the photo with Sirius and James to the left, Peter and Remus on the right, and you in the middle. James hung the picture on his wall as it was routine by now. The whole gang got to see his famous wall of pictures, his life an open storybook to anyone who looked closely.
Fourth year sparked love, pranks, and new ideas. Peter went on his first date, flaming at the cheeks as his friends waved him off embarrassingly. Group pranks ensued upon Snape whose oily hair was dyed all colors of the rainbow by the end of the first semester. You had gone on your first date as well, Steven Goldstein from Hufflepuff whom James threatened to beat up and Sirius who gave him “a talk”.
Most importantly, the group addressed Remus’s furry little problem seeing as each year he came back with more and more scars than before. Two ideas sparked up from the meeting and both were large feats that every member of the group was willing to take.
“So wait..” Peter asked. “You want to make a map… that tracks everyone in Hogwarts?”
James nodded and Remus shook his head. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. Don’t look at me that way, Remus.”
Remus shoved him lightly. “How would that even work though? Isn’t it a little invasive?”
You smiled. “It most certainly is invasive but think about how awesome it’d be to have something like that. All we would need is…”
“A complex locator spell.” you and Sirius said together.
Everyone grinned. “Pete can do the drawing and sketching. He’s good at that stuff. We should check for secret passageways. All of us could do the magic. We’ve got the brains.”
“I don’t think someone with brilliant magic technique would use the word brain to describe their intelligence.” you point out. James simply flicked you in the head.
“And there’s the Animagi thing…” Sirius added.
“That’s a reach.” Remus replied.
“More than the map?” Peter questioned.
Remus sighed. “You guys don’t have to do that for me. I’ve been transforming on my own for years. No need to have buddies now.”
“Nonsense.” you say. “Anything for you, Rem. This is what you deserve.”
The friends looked at each other silently. “Are we ready to pull off the biggest student feat in Hogwarts history?” Sirius whispered.
“Aye, aye.” Everyone cheered.
Peter grinned. “We’re up to no good.”
James smiled back. “Then let us manage our mischief well.”
WIth that the group commenced, exiting the abandoned classroom they used and taking off to class. James walked by your side as you headed to astronomy together.
“I can’t wait till we pin this down. It’s going to be an epic year.” he grinned.
You chuckle. “I know you’ll end up stalking someone, Potter. Evans by the looks of it.”
He shook his head, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Nope. I’m gonna stalk you instead. See if you’re hiding any secrets from me.”
You smile. “What secrets could I possibly be hiding from you, my boy?”
James nudged your side with a smirk. “You’re telling me a good-looking fellow like yourself isn’t sneaking off with some other lad other than their best friends.”
You shook your head, the word “good-looking” repeating itself in your mind. “No. If I did I would tell you.”
“Good.” he said, starting up the stairs to the Astronomy tower. “I don’t need some arsehole stealing you away from me.”
You roll your eyes. “No one could ever steal me from you, James. I’m not a Quaffle.”
He nods with a grin. “Yeah. I suppose you’re more of a Snitch.”
You laugh, dashing up the stairs in hopes that you wouldn’t be late for your Astronomy lesson.
---
As one could guess more pictures and sketches made their home on James Potter’s wall. It was a cluttered mess but beautiful nonetheless. It was as though the wall had an expression of its own with its array of Quidditch jerseys, photographs, art, and ticket stubs. Nobody touched the wall except James as he liked having every picture in place. His wall organized the way he liked it best… messy.
Fifth year was the first year you didn’t see James every week. He had eagerly signed up for Quidditch camp and had left for Wales with promises that’d you write about the boys and the progress on the map and Animagi projects. The projects went well with Peter completing the outline sketches of the maps, Remus filling piles of papers on Animagi transformations and finally Sirius and you gathering the needed ingredients for the Animagi process.
You had grown taller over the summer, hair lightening and your features more accentuated. Eagerly you awaited James’s return and when the time did come you had woken up early in the morning to see him arrive by Portkey on the hill. The second he appeared you had rushed over, engulfing him in a hug. You had missed his touch, his constant nagging and overall the James Potterness that followed him around that would never fade with time.
Meanwhile, he was left out of breath, a couple of inches taller and a smile on his face as he squeezed you back. “Y/N/N! I missed you, you lazy hag.”
You laughed, messing up his hair that sat more neatly than in previous years. “And I missed you, my boy.”
The next days before school were spent catching him up on the map and at the pond by your house. With each swim you noticed the changes in James such as the six-pack the tedious trials at Quidditch camp had given him.
“Oi!” you shouted, splashing him in the face. “Whatever happened to the skinny twig that was my friend?”
He smirked. “Oi! Why are you looking?”
You bit your lip, not allowing him to see you flustered. “I’m sorry. You’re my best friend and it’s a very noticeable change!” you pointed at his toned stomach.
James tapped your nose and you stared at him in annoyance. “It’s only noticeable if you want to notice it.”
He turned around, making to walk back to the shore of the pond. You didn’t remember when James had gotten so cheeky although he’d always been that way, just never with you. Wickedly, you took the bucket that floated beside you and dunked it in the water. With a mischievous grin, you snuck up behind him, dumping the bucket of water on his head.
James turned around with a gasp, jaw dropped. You laughed, a wide smile on your lips at the sight of him drenched in his swim trunks. It wasn’t until his arms tucked along your waist, dragging you to the deeper ends of the pond did the smile drop and his return.
“Why you little…” you seethed. “James Fleamont Potter if you-”
It was too late by then, your body submerged in the water and you swam up, his laughter the first noticeable sound. You scowled as he doubled over with laughter on the shore. “I’m never letting you go to Quidditch camp again.”
The two of you walked home as the sun set, many flicks to the forehead ensuing as you did.
---
Fifth year was by far the most epic year of your Hogwarts experience. Everything was prepared for the Animagi transformation and phase two of the map project was ready to launch with Remus having gained access to the restricted section of the library.
It seemed as though the whole student body had recognized the change in James’s physique which only led to an inflation of his ego. The worst part was that Lily Evans just so happened to be one of those said noticers and while her defiance toward him was still strong, she could be caught staring in class much to James’s delight.
The Animagi process began as soon as the September full moon. While Remus suffered in the Shrieking Shack, the four other Marauders set their Mandrake leaves into their mouths preparing for an uncomfortable month of bitterness on their tongues. The leaves were held under their tongues when talking in class and for the rest of the time they resorted to note passing leaving the entirety of Hogwarts wondering why the Marauders went quiet so suddenly.
During the period between moons, they worked on their map. Stacks of books, both regular and restricted, lay among them. Each had a quill and parchment used to take note of spells or pass messages back and forth. As you worked you received a message from James in the form of a crumpled ball of parchment. You smoothed it out with a sigh.
I hate this thing. It tastes like piss and lime.
You held back a chuckle, writing your own message next to his.
You’re not backing out of this, Potter. It’s for Remus.
He stuck the leaf under his tongue in order to stick it out at you and you rolled your eyes. He scribbled a message back.
I know. I know. Doesn’t mean I can’t complain about it.
You smirked, tossing the parchment back to him.
If your scrawny arse can come back from Quidditch camp with abs then you can stomach keeping a leaf in your mouth for a month.
He smoothed it out and you went back to your work only getting in a minute's reading before the parchment bounced off your head. You scowled at his antics but he only looked at his book with a smirk. Unfolding the paper, James’s messy handwriting took up the last blank space on the parchment.
Nice to know you still think about my abs.
Your stomach squirmed at the feeling that inflamed from his words and the smirk that was on his face. You flicked him on the head, throwing the parchment into the fire before Sirius could ask what it was.
---
It took moon soaked leaves, untouched morning dew and a lightning storm to finally complete the transformations. It was on a late November night that a lightning storm finally struck and in the fifth corridor bathroom the Marauders made their first transformations. For Peter, a small rat with a wriggling tail. For Sirius, a pure black dog. For James, a large stag with mighty horns. For you, a sly fox with sleek orange fur.
Thus that night began the use of the nicknames: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Vixen. Dubbed by James and agreed upon all around. The final full moons of fifth year were spent prancing around Hogsmeade alongside Remus whose scars diminished with each transformation spent with his friends.
The downside of it all was the building tension in the school. With Lord Voldemort on the rise, more and more of your classmates were showing their true colors. Select Slytherins no longer wore short sleeves, their wrists always covered even in the heat of summer. Watchful eyes and protective glares, you went home for summer in worry.
Over the summer, Prongs lost his Pronginess. He wrote to Lily Evans most days of the week and now the things she sent him hung on his wall alongside you and the Marauders. An anticipated change but a scary one still. Every outing with James became more about Lily and less about anything else. You could feel your best friend slipping away and you told him so the night before the start of sixth year.
The two of you sat together in the branches of a tree. The sun hit your skin in rays and clouds passed by over your heads. James’s voice droned on about his darling Lily flower and with an unknowing malice you snapped at him. “Shut it!” you groaned.
His eyes looked over at you, hands holding your head in remorse. “Aren’t you happy for me? You’ve been acting off all summer.”
“I’ve been acting off because you’ve been acting off. I am happy for you but Evans is the only thing you talk about these days. What happened to talking about the Tornados or sneaking out together for milkshakes?”
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s different now.”
“Well, it shouldn’t be.” you exclaim. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t grow up. I support the idea of you no longer being a cheeky bastard. If you’re happy with Evans then I am happy for you. But being with Evans doesn’t mean you have to forget about me or the Marauders or everything else.”
James nodded, a leaf spinning between his fingers as he frowned. “I’m sorry, Y/N/N.”
You shake your head. “I am too. Sorry I snapped at you, my boy.” your head fell onto his shoulder the same way it had done for years only this time things had changed. The weight still felt perfect on his shoulder but now his stomach turned and his breath hitched at the close proximity. Things were indeed changing although the two of you only danced around it, not wanting to address the mess you two had made.
Your head was still against his shoulder as you spoke quietly. “Just remember you’re not a Quaffle.”
He chuckled, stroking your hair affectionately. “I guess I’ll be the snitch then.”
You smiled, swimming in the feel of the James Potter you knew so well. Later that night, the two of you snuck out like old times, sharing a chocolate milkshake and sending each other glances the whole way home.
---
Sixth year was a rollercoaster. The map was finished, all the efforts poured out finally receiving an equally impressive outcome with the parchment branded with the names of the Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs and Vixen. Remus had his first kiss and Sirius decided on leaving home and James welcomed him with open arms.
The other Marauders were not impartial to the changes in your and James’s behavior. The miniscule changes in his face when you napped on his lap or the flush of your skin when he rustled your hair. In all honesty, it was as though the two of you were finally waking up and seeing what they’d been seeing all along. However, your own defiance was strong and love wasn’t simple. James was still under the impression that his heart beat for Lily Evans and you flirted around your feelings as opposed to finally confronting them.
When Gryffindor won the Quidditch season, you were the first one in James’s arms to congratulate him. He spun you around, a large grin on his face. “We won!”
You smiled. “That you did, my boy. Celebration calls and are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Hmm? Let me guess… Firewhiskey?”
“That’s my boy.” you cheer, linking your arm in his and dragging him off the field as Lily Evans watched the boy she had taken a chance on run off with someone else.
---
Firewhiskey made for a fine celebration and resulted in James and you collapsed on the floor of the Gryffindor common room at two in the morning. His glasses were crooked as he stared up at the ceiling and your hair fell in waves on the floorboards.
“Blimey, I can’t believe we won.” James chuckled, his words slurring together slightly.
“You deserve it, my boy.” you say, lightly punching his arm. “How are you feeling on this fine evening?”
His cheeks went pink but a smile overtook his features making for a hilarious expression when he shouted out. “Randy!”
You doubled over with laughter. “Gosh, James. I don’t need to hear about this.” you shove his grinning face with your palm.
“What, you've never felt randy before?” he asked, a childlike expression on his face juxtaposing such an intrusive question.
You hide your embarrassment behind a grin. “Yes, but I’m not going around telling you about it.”
He tapped your nose with the tip of his finger and your stomach swirled. “And why not?”
You turned over to your side. “I’m not sure best friends tell each other about being randy, Prongs.”
James sighed. “I guess not. But how are you feeling, my little vixen?”
With a swig of your drink and a grin you reply. “Randy.”
The two of you erupt into fits of laughter. James pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I suppose it’s the whiskey then.”
You stare up at the ceiling. “Yeah, I suppose so.”
Both of you knew that wasn’t the case. You knew that despite the whiskey slowing the gears of your mind you still noticed James’s hand laying by your waist. You could still trace the outline of his chin and the bridge of his nose. James could still see the curve of your lips and the rise of your chest. Firewhiskey was most definitely not the cause of your randiness.
But it was the easiest thing to blame.
---
Your birthday came soon after with the Marauders celebrating in joy. Presents were exchanged with Remus giving you some books, Peter knitted (with the help of his mother) a pair of mittens for you and Sirius had gifted you a record to play on your stereo.
But James had to be extravagant. It wasn’t everyday his best friend turned seventeen and he marked the occasion with something expensive yet meaningful. When you opened the small box inside had been a silver fox ring. It’s eyes sparkling gems that twinkled as if blinking.
“James, I’m going to kill you.” you seethed. “This is way too expensive. I’m turning seventeen not fifty.”
He laughed. “Oi, woman! It’s fine. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Besides, only the best for you.”
You stared at it once more before engulfing him in a hug. “It’s beautiful, my boy. Thank you.”
His arms squeezed your waist, breathing you in and remembering the sweet smells of childhood and friendship rolled into one. His eyes closed and it was as if he had drifted off into a pleasant dream. “Of course, my little vixen.”
You made certain to flick his head after.
He was starting to regret giving it to you already.
---
Sixth year came to a close with an even more devastating end than the last. The war only continued to rage with Muggles being murdered miles away from the school, Muggle-borns driving into hiding. Sirius’s brother was slowly falling into line with the other Slytherins, devoting their hours to the torture of Muggleborns, Lord Voldemort and the likes.
James left Hogwarts heart-broken when Lily Evans broke up with him on the last day of term. “Look around!” Lily had told him. “You’re blind, James. I’m not the person you want and it’d be clear if you’d stop and take a look.”
He hadn’t known what she meant and the first week of summer was spent crying and eating ice cream on the sofa with you by his side. His room had become a mess and Lily’s letters no longer remained on the wall instead crumbled up in a ball in the trash.
Euphemia Potter couldn’t dread to see her son in the dumps any longer and she made sure to tell him so one evening after you had left.
“James, you need to get your life together, my love.” she whispered, rubbing her sons back reassuringly.
His words came out muffled into her neck. “It’s hard.”
“I know.” she soothed. “And I’m always going to be there for you.”
“Promise?” he asked.
“Promise.” she smiled. “Now how about you go clean your room. It’s become quite dirty.”
He nodded, trudging to his room with a broom. Lily’s words repeated in his mind as he entered. “You’re blind, James. Look around!” But there was nothing to look for. All he saw was his wall and a soft smile came to his face as he approached it. The Tutshill Tornado banners clung loosely to the paint and drawings of Kneazles and landscapes and trees. Pictures of the Marauders and Gryffindor lions.
And finally the ones of you.
His fingers ran across the picture in the middle. Four-year old James grinning and you licking a lolly. His eyes moved to the next one, seven years old and flying together on a broomstick. A grin broke out on his face as he saw the one with your owl in Diagon Alley, his fingers flicking your forehead. James’s mind was on hyperdrive as he examined each picture, one common factor in almost all of them.
You.
You were in many of the photos, a smile adorned on your face. If you weren’t in the photos you were the one taking them, knowing how much he adored them. Any pictures that hung were sketched by your hands. Here was James Potter’s open story, the story of his life all plastered to the wall as though it was an empty canvas. Present in every moment, every aspect, had been you. You had been the start of his book, the picture of the two of you as tots still smacked in the middle of the wall. Yes, he realized. You had started his book and had remained in it for quite some time.
Lily Evans must’ve noticed and maybe everyone else had too.
James had been blind to the message that was sprawled across his wall. He had been the one writing it, maybe not knowingly but writing it out all the same. Everyone had seen it except the writer and his subject, the message painstakingly clear years prior to its conception.
He quickly removed all the pictures from the wall, grabbing each one that hung and piling them up in his hand. The door swung open as he dashed out of his room yelling, “I’ve got to go, mum!” before running out the front door. The hills of green were illuminated by the night sky, the stars burned for James as he hopped over branches and boulders to get to you.
Your house was in the distance, your figure standing a few feet away from the home. He called out to you, your eyes turned to meet his. When he reached you, he paused, catching his breath.
“James, what on Earth are you doing here?” you laugh, placing a hand on his shoulder as he breathed.
He stood up straight, panting as he held up a photo. “This is us when we were four. The first photo we ever took together.”
You squinted at him. “Right?”
He shuffled through the pictures, fingers tracing each one. “And this is from when we were seven. That one from when we were ten. You gave me this drawing when we were six because you loved Kneazles and wanted one as a pet. That drawing was from the first year when we went skipping stones at the Black Lake and you sketched me and Peter.”
Your face melts slowly. “James, I don’t understand. You’ve had these for years.”
He exhaled, his eyes lighting up. “That’s the thing. I never saw it till now but Lily said I was blind and that she wasn’t the person I wanted.” You nod, wiping the sweat from his forehead with your sleeve and he grinned. “See that right there. That’s what I want.”
The night air bit at your spine. “You want me to wipe the sweat from your forehead?”
He shook his head with a soft chuckle. “Not exactly. I want you to wipe the sweat from my forehead for the next year and the next ten and then the next fifty. You’ve been doing it for years already and the thing is… I don’t think I want anyone else doing it for me.”
You blinked as he came closer, his palms cradling your cheek as you gazed into his eyes. “You’ve been in my life for as long as I could remember and I want you to stay in it for as long as I live. You told me once to not throw around the l-word and I said…”
“But I’ve known you my whole life.” you mutter.
“I think I’ve loved you for a while. I just didn’t know it yet.”
You shook your head as the wind rustled the branches, the windchime on your porch creating soft melodies. A large grin spread across your lips yet you continued to shake your head. “There’s a war, James.”
He smiled. “Only more the reason to be with me.”
“But I’ve been with you my whole life.” you tease.
“Oh, shut up!” he chuckles, before leaning down to capture your lips. At that moment everything made sense. All the pieces of the puzzle sifted into place and the stars applauded you from the sky and the night gale created a ruckus at your shed blindfold.
“Be my Snitch?” he asked.
You rolled your eyes, “That’s the cringiest thing you’ve ever said, my boy.”
He smirked. “Oh, but you love it.”
“Perhaps I do.” you replied, flicking his forehead for good measure.
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