mark doesn’t like arguments, but he does defend what he believes in. passionately. almost to a fault. he’ll start out calm, hands up, saying, “okay, okay, i’m listening,” — but the second you challenge something he’s sure he’s right about, his eyebrows knit and he starts pacing lightly or shake his head unconsciously “i’m not trying to fight,” he insists, “i’m just saying, like, that’s not what happened.” he’s not raising his voice. he’s just stubborn. that earnest, frustrating kind of stubborn that comes from being too honest and too sure of what he remembers. and you’re tired. he can tell, but he’s still trying to finish his point, because in his mind, clearing it up will make things better. then he sees your lip tremble. everything in him deflates. he goes quiet, chewing his lip, shoulders lowering. “wait—wait, i’m sorry. i didn’t realize i was doing that,” he says softly. he sits beside you, leaning forward with his hands clasped. “explain it to me one more time, baby. i'm not gonna cut you off, i swear.” and when you finally let out what’s really bothering you, he listens for real.
—huang renjun
renjun’s biggest problem? he thinks rationality fixes everything. so when the argument begins, he goes straight into explanation mode, arms crossed, voice even, expression unreadable. “i’m not attacking you. i’m just explaining why it doesn’t make sense,” he says, which somehow makes it worse. you’re emotional. he’s logical. it’s oil and water.
the more upset you get, the more confusion flickers across his face, like he genuinely can’t grasp why you’re reacting that way. but then he sees it: the way you look away, shoulders tightening, eyes glossy. and something in him stops cold. his expression softens instantly. he uncrosses his arms, takes a step closer, voice dropping to something fragile. “hey… don’t cry. i’m sorry,” he murmurs, his thumb gently brushing the back of your hand. he pulls you into a quiet hug, one arm around your waist, the other stroking your hair. “i wasn’t trying to belittle you. i just… talk stupid when i care too much.” and he holds you until your breathing steadies.
—lee jeno
jeno is a logical-first, feelings-second kind of guy. and when you argue, you feel it more than ever. you’ll raise your concern and he’ll immediately respond with something like, “okay, but objectively—” and you want to scream. he doesn’t mean to be cold. he thinks offering solutions is being caring. but sometimes his explanations sound like he’s dismissing your feelings, even when he isn’t. when you snap, “can you stop being a robot for one second?” jeno shuts down. not angrily, just internalizing. his jaw tightens, and he looks away for a moment like he’s recalibrating. when he finally speaks again, his voice is quiet, almost careful: “i’m not trying to invalidate you. i just don’t know how to handle it when you’re upset. i’m trying.” he sits next to you, hands clasped because he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. “tell me what you need from me,” he says honestly. and once you explain it, he really listens and his whole demeanor shifts. “okay,” he says softly. “i can do that. i want to do that.” his effort is clumsy but genuine… and it melts you every time.
—lee haechan
haechan jokes when he’s nervous. which is the worst combination during an argument.
you’re upset, and he keeps trying to lighten the mood, tossing out comments like, “okay grumpy, relax,” not realizing he’s pouring gasoline on fire. when you finally snap, his face falls — like he genuinely didn’t expect it. around the boys he stays composed, pretending it’s fine, but the second you’re alone, he’s unusually quiet. he keeps glancing at you, eyes softening with every second. “what did i do?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper. and when you tell him he hurt your feelings, his entire expression shifts — guilt taking over everything. he moves closer, tucking himself into your space, arms wrapping around your waist from the side. “i’m sorry,” he murmurs into your shoulder. “i should’ve read the room.” he kisses your cheek, nose, temple — tiny apologies scattered across your skin. “don’t shut me out, okay? i hate when you’re upset and i can’t fix it.” and he doesn’t let go until you melt into him.
—na jaemin
jaemin gets quiet. painfully quiet. he isn’t cold, he isn’t annoyed — he’s hurt. he sits still, eyes lowered, thinking too much all at once. when you snap at him, he absorbs it silently, nodding once like he deserves it. “i didn’t know i made you feel like that,” he says softly, which somehow breaks you more. he doesn’t raise his voice, doesn’t defend himself. he just retreats inward, processing. you move away and he follows a few steps, not suffocating, but close enough to show he cares. “i don’t want us to fight,” he murmurs. “tell me how to fix this.” and when you do, he listens like you’re giving him sacred instructions. he reaches for your hand slowly, brushing your knuckles with his thumb. “come here,” he whispers, pulling you into a slow, grounding hug. his chin rests on your head, and he holds you like he’s trying to calm both your hearts. “i’m not going anywhere,” he adds quietly. “even when we’re like this.”
—zhong chenle
chenle reacts fast. talks fast. argues fast. he’ll notice something tiny, as trivial as your mismatched socks, or your forgotten umbrella. he'll comment immediately without thinking. on a good day, you laugh it off. on a bad one, like today, it grates. when you tell him to stop nagging, he scoffs, “i’m not nagging, i’m helping,” without realizing how sharp it sounds. but the moment he notices you shivering in the cold, or your eyes watering, or your silence stretching too long — he stops mid-sentence. “wait. are you actually upset?” his voice softens in a way it rarely does. he shrugs off his jacket and wraps it around you, his hands lingering on your shoulders. “i’m sorry,” he mutters, eyes darting away shyly. “i didn’t mean to be annoying.” he holds your hand as you walk, thumb rubbing circles apologetically. “i just worry about you. too much, probably.” and the sincerity in his voice makes your heart wobble.
—park jisung
jisung panics during arguments. he hates raised voices, even slightly sharp tones. the second he feels tension, he starts stumbling over his words, eyes widening in confusion and concern. “wait—what did i do? i swear i didn’t mean—” he keeps reaching toward you and pulling back, unsure if touching you will make it worse. when you look away, his whole face crumples. “don’t… don’t be mad at me,” he says quietly, almost pleading. he sits in front of you, knees drawn in, trying so hard to understand. “just tell me,” he begs softly. “i’ll fix it, i promise.” and as soon as you explain, he exhales shakily and scoots closer, resting his forehead against your shoulder. “i’m really sorry,” he clings to you while he whispers. “i don’t want to lose you.”
[💌] pensando no jeno baterista que te chama pra sentar no colo dele enquanto ele toca...
꒰♡꒱ avisos: jeno!rockstar, dry humping, exibicionismo (?), mesmo o consentimento não sendo explicito a leitora confia nele o suficiente pra fazer qualquer coisa, duvidoso, sugestivo e não revisado
você é uma ouvinte fiel da banda dele. fiel meesmo, tipo você foi a segunda ouvinte mensal da banda no spotify.
agora você tem que lutar um pouquinho pra conseguir ficar na frente do palco, mas ainda sim o lugar nunca deixa de ser seu.
e obviamente todos te conhecem, alguns até interagem mais com você por causa disso. você já sabe a setlist inteira, mas a sensação é de que você está assistindo eles pela primeira vez.
apesar de saber o roteiro do show, uma coisa tem surpreende quando donghyuck anuncia no microfone que eles vão escolher sete fãs para subir no palco, isso é novo.
donghyuck passeia pelo palco com o microfone apontado para cada integrante chamar alguém, mas na vez de jeno, ele empurra o microfone pra longe da boca e sussurra algo na orelha do lee que sorri.
seus olhos se encontram, e donghyuck faz questão de atravessar o palco para oferecer a mão para você subir.
você sobe, se sentindo meio deslocada, mas caminha até o lado esquerdo de jeno.
"oi..." ele não responde, mas sorri. maneia em direção a bateria com a cabeça, mas você não entende.
"quer tocar?" você está tendo milhões de surtos internos, mas você nega dizendo que não faz ideia de como fazer isso, ele não insiste.
ele olha em volta e ninguém está pronto pra tocar ainda, então ele te olha nos olhos e te chama pelo seu nome.
talvez essa seja a parte mais inesperada da noite. você não esperava que ele lembrasse, apesar de vocês já terem dividido alguns cigarros, ele tenha te dado alguns autógrafos e uns beijinhos junto com umas mãos bobas.
ele te chama de novo, mas dessa vez ele bate na própria coxa.
"senta se você quiser..." você hesita um pouco, mas senta meio sem jeito.
"posso?" você não sabe o que ele está perguntando mas concorda. jeno dá as baquetas nas suas mãos e te segura pela cintura te virando de frente pra ele. você o chama baixinho quando o nariz dele roça contra o seu, isso lembra muito a vez que você se esfregou na coxa dele em um beco apertado.
"aguenta um pouquinho, já é a última música..." você concorda meio bobinha só de estar tão perto dele.
donghyuck finalmente dá o sinal pra começar a música. os lábios do jeno sobem um pouco sabendo o que vem a seguir, te olha mais uma vez e depois se concentra para entrar naquela música na hora certa.
quando ele pisa no pedal pela primeira vez você tem que respirar fundo. você sequer pensou na fricção que você ia sentir. quando ele pisa pela segunda vez você dá um beliscão sutil na cintura dele e ele só responde uma risadinha soprada, abusada demais.
pelo menos você não está frente a frente com o público, tem que agradecer jeno por isso... você fecha os olhos com força e quando abre vê jaemin com um sorriso enorme no rosto, te olhando de cima a baixo.
seus olhos fecham de novo quando você percebe que o solo de bateria está próximo... que coincidência logo quando você está no colo dele acontece um solo de bateria... lee jeno, seu filho da puta ardiloso.
a música acaba pouco tempo depois do solo. suas pernas estão um pouco bambas, a calcinha molhada grudando na sua buceta e os pensamentos um pouquinho bagunçados pela adrenalina.
jeno afasta um pouco o rosto do seu e te segura pelo queixo. "obrigada por ter me feito companhia hoje, princesa." ele sorri de canto. "te espero no banheiro daqui dez minutinhos. vê se não deixa alguém ver essa bucetinha escorrendo assim, tá? tem que guardar pra mim."
hello there, i've been loving all your fluff oneshots 🥺 could you write one about how jeno reacts to you getting startled awake by thunder when you're sleeping? thank you 🩷
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: thunder ✧
. . ⇢ ˗ˏˋsummary you woke up in the middle of the night because of a thunder
. . ⇢ ˗ˏˋpairing lee jeno x fem!reader
. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋgenre fluff
. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋwarnings established relationship
. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋwc 0.5k
. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋnote hiii, well im back. im sorry but i needed like a little rest after all the flufftober thing. i was writting random things, but i didnt finished them, so i decided to do a request. hope u liked, and tysm for requesting!!
You wake up feeling agitated. Even though your body is cold, you're sweating as if it were the middle of summer. Your breathing becomes heavier as you try to calm down, but every loud clap of thunder sends shivers down your spine.
You lie on your back, facing away from your boyfriend, in the fetal position, clutching the blanket that wraps around your body. You turn around; he is fast asleep. Jeno is a very heavy sleeper; there could be a hurricane and he wouldn't even notice. But there is one thing that always wakes him up. You.
You think for a moment and decide that the best thing to do is to go to the kitchen to calm down so as not to disturb him, and then sneak back to bed and go back to sleep.
You get up and walk to the kitchen. The storm continues, the rain hitting the window and then falling softly and slowly. Your nerves and fear don't subside, so you decide to have a glass of water. You grab a glass, pour yourself some water, and when you turn around, you see a figure in the darkness, completely still.
He takes a few steps toward you, and thanks to the moonlight coming through the window, you realize it's Jeno.
“God, you scared me,” you say.
“I'm sorry, I was worried when you didn't come back.”
He approaches you, trying to figure out why you're not in bed. At first, he thinks you're just thirsty, but he quickly realizes the real reason. Thunder rumbles in the distance and you jump in response. He reads that reaction and understands.
“Are you afraid of thunder?” he asks to confirm.
You nod somewhat embarrassed, avoiding eye contact, as it is considered childish to be scared of such things. You have slept together several times, but there has never been a storm like this before.
He stands next to you and gently caresses your hand.
“Go back to bed, okay? If you want, hug me if that calms you down. And if you can't sleep, I can help distract you or something to calm you down while the storm passes. But I can't sleep peacefully knowing you're scared.”
You sigh, finding comfort in his words, always so sweet and understanding with any inconvenience that arises. You rest your head on his shoulder, and he moves his hand from stroking the back of your hand to brushing your hair.
Your heartbeat slows as you feel the warmth of his actions. It was like finding a cabin in the middle of a snowstorm with a lit fireplace.
“It's okay. Let's go back.”
He smiles. You put the glass down on the counter, and on the way to the bedroom his arms remain around you. You snuggle together under the blankets and pillows, and to your surprise, you fall asleep quickly. You don't understand how someone's arms can be the place where you feel safest in the whole world, but they are.
pairing : jeno x fem!reader genre : angst, fluff, est. relationship (sort of relationship), suggestive elements warnings : drinking/being drunk, profanity, inaccurate representation of art students, kissing, they're both toxic #sozz synopsis : your relationship with jeno was always complicated, never knowing where you stand with him. but what happens when things are left unsaid between the both of you and words are left to become mere misconceptions. wc : 10k a/n : god i've been working on this for over a month and finally its completed 🥹, i wanna thank @yutarot my beloved for helping me finish this and giving me the motivation, ily my nayu 🫶
Words were futile devices, there was no point in conveying them as you wanted because actions spoke louder. In words there were misconceptions tied in them, causing a whirlwind of miscommunication between two people.
Lee Jeno did not pride himself on not knowing you, but rather the opposite. He hates himself for not knowing you enough. Past just every curve of your body and into every curve of your soul, when you pushed or pulled towards him, when you wanted him and when you didn’t. Like now.
He was so jealous. He had been watching you, like a creep, all night. You knew, his friends knew, your friends knew, hell even the guy shamelessly flirting with you probably knew. It didn't matter because Jeno was annoyed, who did he think he was coming to his friends party and flirting with you. It was eating him alive, and you knew that as well. But you didn’t pay any mind to it because you knew at the end of the day he wasn’t gonna do anything, or was he?
You shifted your gaze back to the man who stood in front of you, Mark Lee was his name. From what he had blabbed to you within five minutes you knew that was from Canada, his best friend's name was Donghyuck, and he had a really cool sledding story. “So like I said he literally rammed into our sled!” Mark continued, animating the sled crash with his empty cup and hands. You gasped, trying to seem like you were paying attention the whole time. “Yeah so, we were like, what’s your deal man? But he told us he lost control of the sled so I guess it’s all chill” He finished, making you laugh softly. “I mean I’m glad! That sounds like a good time though.” you said, smiling up at him.
You knew he was just telling you stories about himself to keep talking to you, but you didn't mind at all. He was a cutie and besides you needed to distract yourself from Jeno who was all over you one second, and the next he couldn’t care less about you. You knew you deserved better and maybe that was Mark. Or maybe it wasn’t, sometimes you couldn’t tell what was good for you and what wasn’t, Jeno being a clear example. Mark smiled down at you, taking a sip of his drink, “You know, you could come with. We’re going next month” you smiled, raising your eyebrow slightly at his offer.
“That’s a kind gesture but I don’t know how to sled” you said, taking a sip of your own drink but scrunching your nose as the taste. It was some sort of weird combination that Chenle made, always something with him. Mark nodded, thinking to himself for a couple seconds. “Doesn’t matter” He said, making you furrow your brows, “and why’s that Mark? Do tell” you replied, smiling softly as he smiled back at you. The vibe between you two was flirty, you knew he was flirting the second he approached you because in all honesty, he wasn’t very good at hiding it. “I can just teach you, babe,” he finally said, a smile on his face. Your cheeks flushed softly, feeling your smile grow, “You’re too kind Mark seriously you don’t need to” you finally said making Mark smile more.
Just before he spoke, a voice spoke up from behind you. “No man, really you are” in an instant you knew the voice, and his tone, always so icy. Jeno didn’t often talk to people like that, he was pretty reserved, but when he was angry he got livid, which he was right now. You turned to see him, standing right next to you and across from Mark, smiling smugly at him. “You know thanks for keeping my girl company while I was getting us drinks, appreciate it.” He smiled at Mark a little bit too fakely, the whole interaction causing the boy across from you to stutter out apologies. “God sorry man- I uh- didn’t know she was your girlfriend.” He smiled awkwardly at Jeno then you, making you frown softly. He had no reason to apologize, Jeno only wanted to acknowledge you when it was convenient for him. “Sorry again, I’ll leave you two alone” He said rather quickly, stumbling on his words as he scurried off to his friends.
“What the fuck Jeno?” You turned to him, now even more angry at him than you were before. Before this party, Jeno had told you to keep your distance, something about the fact his friends could never know what was going on between you two, like he was ashamed of you. The two of you have had this argument multiple times since starting your ‘arrangement’ Jeno claims it would be a big deal but you knew that it didn’t matter to any of his stupid friends. Yet despite all of the shit he gave you, here he was, acting like he was your boyfriend because he got a little bit insecure. “C’mon babe,” He said in the same tone Mark did, mocking him. “Don't cause a scene” He muttered, smiling down at you, making you roll your eyes in response.
“Fuck off.” you mumbled, not sure if it was the alcohol speaking but nonetheless you grabbed the drink from his hand and walked past him, leading the way to the backyard where you could be alone and in peace. Jeno watched you leave then scoffed and shook his head, following you outside. “Yn! C’mon don’t be like this!” He yelled out as you walked further and further away from the house, and him. He followed you until you were at the back fence of the backyard and had no choice but to face him. You clenched your fists and turned around to face him.
As always, he had that puppy dog look on his face. The one where he seemed apologetic and that he loved you but you could see right through his facade. After all, the two of you had this fling going on for three months now, so you weren't going to fall for his manipulative tricks this time, “Why’d you do that Jeno” you knew the answer, you just wanted to hear him come up with a bullshit excuse, he was always good at that.
He sighed out, running his hand through his hair, to anyone else it would look like you fucked up and he was just a bystander. “Just looking out for you baby, like I always do.” He smiled softly, walking closer to you to try and break the gap, instead you backed away. He noticed this and stopped, furrowing his brows, “Yn I care about you, don’t do that” he mumbled, his lips in a soft frown now. You looked in his eyes, trying to break through and see if he was lying or not but he had always shut himself out to you, always.
You pressed your lips together in a thin line, then sighed, you could feel yourself giving into him. He always had a way of speaking to you, it was weird. He never said what he meant, especially with his feelings, and you could never tell how much of that was true. He lied to you, about how he felt, about missing ‘dates’, and everything in between. It was hard staying with Jeno because you knew it wasn't good for you, yet you couldn’t find it in yourself to just leave.
“Yeah I know, I just don't know, you have a weird way of showing it Jen” you breathed out, looking down at the grass, unable to hold eye contact with him. Jeno sighed softly and walked closer to you slowly, as if testing the waters. Once he noticed you weren’t backing away he walked close enough so you and him were just an arms length apart. He reached out, holding your chin softly, forcing you to look up at him. He locked eyes with you and only smiled softly.
“I know baby, but it's always you for me.” His words made you smile, but they meant nothing. You knew that, so why did your heart skip a beat when he said that? Why did you suddenly feel a chance for hope, for you and Jeno? Jeno could read you like a book because he must've sensed that your mind was racing. He shook his head, “Quit doing that, drifting off in thought. Just focus on me” he said, halting your thoughts for just a moment.
Now, he was close enough to where you could feel his cool breath against your nose, lips just centimeters apart. You could see him locking down at your lips and before he could lean in to kiss you, you put your hand on his chest. “What is it?” he said, this time sounding a bit more passive aggressive rather than the gentle tone he was using earlier. “You’re not my boyfriend Jen” you mumbled, making him look at your lips. “And you're not my girlfriend,” he said without missing a beat, “has that ever stopped us?” he looked into your eyes, eyebrow slightly raised.
He was right, that didn't ever stop the both of you. Neither of you stopped to think about the fact that you weren't in a relationship. Maybe you even preferred it that way, you knew Jeno sure as hell did. He loved having you without all the unnecessary hassles that he would have to deal with because he was your boyfriend.
You shook your head, making him smile softly. He leaned in again to kiss you, this time you let him. You let the familiar taste of his lips take over your own. It was intoxicating how much he drew you in, pulling you away from your own consciousness. He tilted his head slightly, kissing you at a different angle now. He pulled back, Jeno was always the first to pull back.
He smiled down at you and backed away, “come over tonight?” He mumbled, you nodded in response. You felt him lean down to kiss your cheek before he headed back inside the house. You watched as he started talking to his friends like normal, not even caring that you were still outside, cold. Weirdly enough none of Jenos kisses made you feel warm, but maybe that’s just how things were meant to be.
You sat on the couch, refreshing your text conversation with Jeno, your purse in your other hand. The two of you were supposed to go out tonight, as promised. You were stupid to believe Jenos empty promises after all this time. “Let me guess, he stood you up again?” Yerim said, shutting her bedroom door behind her. You looked to her and sighed, shutting your phone and putting it face down.
You and Yerim had been roommates for around a year, the two of you started getting closer around the time you and Jeno started your ‘arrangement’ and since then you’ve confided in her since you can’t tell anyone else, sworn to secrecy thanks to Jeno. “I don’t even know why I believed him,” you watched as Yerim sat next to you on the couch, sinking into it. “You say this everytime,” she sighed.
She glanced at you, almost feeling sorry for you. Of course she felt sorry for you, it was hard being with someone who gave you everything yet nothing at the very same time. Yet she could never figure out what made you stay, was it the sex? Or was it the idea of someone loving you? Was it even love? You looked her way, already sensing what she was going to say. Instead of saying her thoughts, Yerim held your head and rested it on her shoulder, patting your head gently. Her hand pushed some of your hair out of your way, still patting you gently. The two of you sat like that for a good half hour before the two of you started getting up to go to your own respective rooms.
As you got up Yerim looked at you, “Yn?” she mumbled, making you turn around to face her. She hesitated before speaking, “you deserve better than that” Yerim said, smiling softly at you. You smiled back and nodded, letting her pat your shoulder as she departed to her room. You stood in the living room for a couple minutes, staring at the wall.
You deserve way better.
But you weren’t going to let yourself have that. Why did you love Jeno so deeply and desperately when he couldn't care less? All you were to him was his toy to play with when he wanted and dispose of you when he was bored. Yet you always ran back, why? Was it his soft kisses? Or was it the way he held you in his arms? Maybe it was the way he looks at you when you’re both alone? Or is that just you looking at him? Has he ever spared you a glance? Will he ever spare you a glance?
Your phone buzzed on the couch. You looked down, groaning as you realize you’re still wearing the same clothes you were supposed to go out in. You picked up your phone, seeing a text you had seen several times before.
jen [11:57 p.m.] : outside your place babe :)
The next thing you knew you were outside, walking with Jeno side by side in a park near your apartment. According to him, he was busy with something and as per usual you didn’t question it. Maybe you were scared that if you asked him too many questions he would leave you because you were too much work. Maybe he was just with you for the convenience of it all, intertwining friend groups, same school, not too far apart.
Your hands were intertwined as you walked, Jeno broke the silence first. “Saw your sculpture in the workshop, it looks good,” he said, looking ahead at the path in front of you two. So that meant he was actually busy, you thought. “Thanks, I didn’t think you noticed,” you replied, looking down at the ground the two of you walked on together, your feet in perfect sync. Jeno shifted his gaze to look at you, smiling. “I notice everything,” making you look up at him, smiling as well.
This was why things were so confusing. Jeno would act like he cared about you and cherished you but he never wanted to date you, and he certainly never did this infront of others. It seemed as though your relationship was covered in a fog of mystery even to you, ironic isn't it? Not even knowing what kind of relationship you were in.
“It’s getting late Jen,” you finally said, making his smile raise a little. “We could head back to mine? Get some sleep?” He looked at you, still smiling. Of course, what else would you do other than agree?
You stared at the sculpture sitting right in front of you, the look it was giving you seemed judgemental. As if it was judging you for being at the workshop at lunchtime while everyone else was taking their well deserved breaks. You sighed, carving away at the sculpture. You didn’t even know what you were trying to make but you knew you wanted it to be good for your final presentation.
It determined whether or not you can go to an art school and you weren’t going to let any distractions get in your way, not even Jeno. You didn’t believe in yourself though, in terms of the sculpture and the distractions.
You heard the door to the workshop open and close, soft footsteps grew closer to where you were sitting, then suddenly they stopped. This caused you to look up from your sculpture to see Mark, standing 6 feet away from you. “Oh I.. did you tell me you went here?” He stuttered, trying to get his words out. You smiled softly and nodded, making him frown softly. “Sorry, I got pretty wasted that night,” he said, walking over to sit on the table right in front of you.
“It’s alright,” you replied, still smiling softly. Mark watched you as you went back to sculpting diligently, he smiled at you. “So does your boyfriend go here?” he broke the silence, not stuttering anymore. You looked at him and furrowed your brows, then it hit you. “Me and Jeno aren’t dating he just.. does that for some reason,” you shook your head slightly and now Mark's interest was piqued.
“So you’re single?” he asked once more, making you smile now. “Yes Mark, I am,” you said again, looking at him. He jumped off the table and leaned over your table. “So are you single enough to go for coffee? Maybe this weekend?” he seemed more confident than before, it was working because you were swayed to say yes.
“I’ll get back to you on that,” you said, making him smile now. “How will you get back to me if you don’t have my number?” he pulled out his phone all too confidently and slid it your way. “You’re smooth you know that?” you said, picking it up and putting in your number, giving it back to him.
He smiled down at his phone then looked at you. “We could get lunch now if you want,” just before you could respond, a bag was placed on the table catching both yours and Mark's attention. “Hi, am I interrupting something?” Jeno said, looking between you and Mark. Mark leaned back and looked at Jeno. “Nah, just dropped by to say hi to Yn,” he said, picking up his bag then looking at you. “I’ll text you?” making you nod, waving goodbye as he left.
You saw Mark shut the door then looked to Jeno who sat down next to you at the table, silently opening the bag of food. “What are you doing here Jen,” you sighed, putting down the sculpting tool. “I think a question that’s more important is why are you skipping lunch,” he said, taking out a takeout box of food then placing it in front of you. You looked at the box then at him, he had already begun eating from his box of food. You sighed, reaching in the bag to grab utensils and began eating. The two of you ate in silence, just the sound of the wind blowing from outside could be heard.
You weren’t sure why Jeno did things like this, acting sweet. It left the impression that he really did care for you and he wasn’t just lying, that made things so much more confusing than they already were. For some reason, even after seeing Jeno for so long, you couldn’t tell the difference between if he actually meant it or if he was just toying with you and as per usual, this time wasn't any different.
You put down your fork, pushing the food away slightly and going back to your carving, not sparing Jeno a glance. But that didn’t go unnoticed, Jeno set his fork down as well and looked at you with furrowed brows. “Just eat baby,” he said, still watching you. You wanted to roll your eyes but chose not to. “I can always eat when I get home, so if this is all you came to do then you can leave,” you replied, focusing on the shape you were making with the clay, but your focus was wavering.
Jeno scoffed, clearly annoyed now. “Are you mad at me? What’d I even do,” you ignored him, continuing to mold the clay into the shape you wanted, which you weren’t even sure what you wanted. Jeno watched as you continued to sculpt, not saying anything to him. He nodded and sucked his teeth, continuing to eat his food. You glanced at him a couple times but he was too busy on his phone to even notice you looking his way.
You weren’t even sure why you were upset. No you knew, you just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Jeno wasn’t normally a protective person but for some reason when it came to Mark he couldn’t help himself. Maybe he knew that Mark was a good guy, nothing like him. That Mark would treat you better than he ever could or maybe they’re just one in the same you’re doomed no matter what.
“Can you pass me the tool to the right of you?” you said, breaking the silence. Jeno glanced at you and handed you the tool you wanted. “So now you're speaking to me?” he crossed his arms, looking at you fully. “Stop being like that Jen,” you muttered, trying to fix the lines with your thumb, smoothing out the base of the heart. “You’re the one who kept ignoring me,” he scoffed, watching as you carved away. He always liked you when you concentrated on something, told you you looked pretty.
He reached over, his hand pushing away some stray hairs from your face, hairs that were covering your eyesight. You looked at him and for some reason your heart softened, why’d it always do that with him. “I was just looking out for you pretty,” he said, still looking in your eyes, You nodded, sighing softly. “Yeah, I guess I’m just stressed,” you cleared your throat, looking back at the base of the heart. The idea you had wasn’t executing perfectly but that wasn’t why you were annoyed with Jeno.
You were annoyed with the hold he had over you. That even if he acted sweet now and pushed you away later you would still run back to him like a lovesick puppy. Weirdly enough there wasn’t any love there and if there was you would never admit it for your own sake.
“Tell me what you’re making,” Jeno looked at you, propping his head up with his hand that was on the table. “It’s supposed to be a heart, and I don’t know where to go from there,” you turned fully to him, sighing. He smiled softly, admiring you. “You’ll figure it out baby, everything you make is pretty,” he said, smiling as he spoke.
You smiled softly and shook your head, turning your body back around to clean up your area. “Yeah okay,” you scoffed softly, putting away the tools and packaging the leftover clay. “It’s true,” Jeno furrowed his brows, helping you clean up by picking up your empty food containers and throwing them out. “Sweet talking me won’t do much Jen,” You laughed softly, walking over to the fridge to put the clay in.
Jeno leaned against the table, watching as you walked back over to it. Just before you could walk past him, he held your wrist, pulling you into him. “Jeno c’mon,” you scoffed, trying to tug your wrist out of his hold but he only smiled. “Sweet talking won’t work so what if I kiss you, will you still be mad pretty?” he mumbled, pushing some stray hairs away. “No, I won’t,” you breathed out, making him smile again.
He leaned in, kissing your lips ever so gently. His hand moved to your waist, holding you tight and close to him. This time, your kiss was soft and gentle, unlike your usual kisses which we almost rushed. You felt him smile against your lips, making you smile as well. You could feel why he was doing this, to keep you. You knew deep down the way his hands moved up and down your waist that he was almost holding you so close so he didn’t lose you, specifically to Mark. This made you feel validated in some weird way, that he could regret losing you. Maybe you’re more important to him than you thought.
You pulled back, opening your eyes to see him smiling at you. “Still mad?” he muttered, you shaking your head and stepping back. His eyes followed your body as you went to grab your bag, walking back over to him to grab his hand. “So? What now?” you said, the two of you walking hand in hand out of the workshop.
Jeno thought for a couple minutes, gripping your hand softly as you two walked out of the building. The sun was setting now which meant that the only people left on campus would be the ones who were in different buildings. Which was good for Jeno because you were away from anyone who could possibly know either of you. “We could grab dinner, haven’t been out with you in so long baby,” he looked at you and you raised your eyebrow. “Well whose fault is that?” you questioned, tilting your head, making him laugh and roll his eyes playfully. “Lead the way,” you said, making him smile and grip your hand tighter as you two made your way to his car.
There was a side to Jeno not many people knew, this was one of them. The soft light from his bedside lamp lit up the room with a soft yellow glow. You laid in his bed, in his shirt, watching him as he sat on the floor, cutting glass. From what he had told you, which as per usual was very little, he was making a glass stained piece for a project and right now he had to cut the glass into the shapes he wanted so he could weld them later.
This side of Jeno was soft and domestic, but this side never left the very four walls of his apartment. It almost felt as if it was reserved only to you, that made you feel good. Good that something about him was a secret only for you to know, that only you got the privilege to see him like this. You moved over to where he was leaning against the bed and began playing with his hair, scratching his scalp softly with his nails.
“What are you doing pretty? Told you not to get out of bed in case there’s shards,” he mumbled, a soft smile could be heard in his voice. “Not going anywhere, just wanted to check on you,” you said, playing with his hair. He smiled, looking up at you. “Getting bored?” he said, looking in your eyes and you shook your head, Jeno set down the glass and turned around so he could face you properly.
He looked in your eyes, taking in your facial features. For some reason it felt like he was seeing you for the first time, you smiled softly under his gaze. “Why are you looking at me like that,” you mumbled, making Jeno smile some more. “Just admiring my pretty baby,” he muttered, making you smile softly. You brushed some strays out of his way and kissed his cheek, then leaned back to lay in bed. He gave you one last look before turning around and going back to cutting the glass, you turned over in his bed. There’s this saying, that once you’re in someone's bedroom there's a chance you can take a glance in their mind. For some reason that wasn’t the case with Jeno’s room.
You had been here a million times but yet you were as close to him as you would be to an acquaintance. The two of you knew each other but sometimes it felt like you were just two distant strangers. Maybe that was why you felt so okay to let him in in some way, he didn’t know you. All you knew about each other at first was the two of you didn’t need something committed and that was it.
At first your relationship was just sex, the two of you just wanted a casual hookup. But within the past month it’s turned into something more, maybe that was what you just made up yourself to think. Instead of Jeno calling you up for a quick fuck, the two of you would sit in his apartment with takeout watching some movie, or just spent your weekends with one another. Maybe the reason why you had grown so comfortable with Jeno is because he in fact didn’t know you, that is until you let him in.
You break out of your thoughts and focus again on Jenos room, a place you had seen countless times. Everything in his room was mostly dull, the color scheme of it all. It looks like a normal guys room but at the same time it doesn't. Your eyes fall on his desk, where his monitor is set up as well as a small section of polaroids. They were of him and his friends, Jaemin and Renjun.
You had met Jaemin and Renjun on separate occasions, not attached with Jeno. Jaemin was this guy that your friend, Chenle, knew and Renjun worked at the school's information desk with Yerim. They were both sweet and reserved, their personalities aligning with Jenos. Jeno had met some of your friends as well, of course not attached to you. Even if your and Jenos relationship had changed, one thing remained clear. No one knew about the two of you.
It was something Jeno established the first night, it bothered you. Even when you weren’t close with him, something about it rubbed you the wrong way. What was so wrong with his friends knowing he was with you? Was he ashamed of you? Were you too embarrassing to even be seen with him? DId he not value you?
“What’s going on in your head baby?” you jumped, feeling Jenos arm snake around your waist. You turned to face him, not even realizing the whole time you were thinking he had already cleaned up. “Nothing,” you mumbled, making him smile. “Liar.” He breathed out, still smiling.
He leaned in to pepper soft kisses on your collarbone, you giggled softly, pushing him away by putting your hand on his chest. “Oh?” he teased, looking at you. “You wanna push me away hm?” he smiled, hands reaching up your waist. “C’mon Jen don’t- stop!” you burst out in giggles as he started tickling you.
After being with you for so long, Jeno began to uncover parts of you he wouldn’t have before. Like the spots where you were the most ticklish. You started laughing louder, tears welling in your eyes. Jeno began to giggle with you, your leg was over his hip so you did the most rational thing and grabbed his wrists, flipping the two of you over so you were straddling him now.
Your faces were flushed and the two of you were out of breath. Jeno smiled up at you, “c’mon let my wrists go babe,“ Jeno mumbled, making your cheeks turn pink as you let his wrists go, unsure where to put your hands now. Jeno shifted to sit up against the headboard, his hands resting at the curve of your hips. He kept eye contact with you, still straddling him. “Quit looking at me,” you muttered, covering your face with your hands. Your hands felt cold against your face which was now red and burning up from embarrassment.
You didn’t even know what you could’ve been nervous about, it was Jeno, the same guy who's seen you naked on multiple occasions. Jeno only smiled, reaching to take your hands off your face. “You’re so shy now, what about earlier?” he smiled, making your cheeks turn pink as you groaned and hid your face in the crook of his neck. Jeno laughed softly, holding your waist.
The two of you sat like that for a couple minutes, Jenos thumb drawing small circles on your back. You picked your head up to look at him once more, he smiled, reaching to push some hair away from your face. There was this look Jeno always had before kissing you. It was hard to pinpoint if it was love or lust but either way he gave you a look, then looked at your lips, then back at your eyes. Jeno leaned in, locking your lips with his. As the two of you kissed, you felt his hands moving up and down your waist, one of them reaching up to get lost in your hair.
He tilted his head slightly, your hands going up from his chest to his neck, playing with the hair that prickled your fingers. He laid you down on the bed, moving down to your neck. He continued to pepper soft kisses on your neck, making you smile. He moved back up to your face and kissed your face all over, making you giggle as the two of you entangled your limbs in sheets that smelled of him.
You sketched away in your notebook, trying to create a good basis for your final project. If you weren’t stressed out about it before you sure as hell were now because your instructor told everyone the deadline now had no exceptions, it was to be presented in the school art show in two weeks. That meant you had two weeks to create a masterpiece from just a block of clay in order to get into a graduate art program.
“Give me the lighter, c’mon!” Hyunjin shrieked, jumping up to grab the lighter from Chenle who kept reaching his hand up so she couldn’t grab it. You looked up from your sketchbook to see them jumping around on the rooftop, next to you Heejin sat, scrolling through some dating app. “Ugh fine!” Chenle groaned, passing the lighter to Hyunjin who only smiled and lit her cigarette.
This was the norm for you, sitting on the rooftop of the art building with your friends. You had met Heejin and Hyunjin during your freshman year, Hyunjin was friends with Chenle and he became the group's single male friend. You had begun getting closer to Yerim because she was your roommate freshman year and that made up your small circle of friends. You had talked to other mutual friends here and there but never like you did with these four.
Heejin put her phone down, sighing loudly so someone could hear her. You glanced at her and smiled softly. “Spit it out,” you said, still not looking up from your sketchbook. “Someone set me up with a guy!” she groaned, making Chenle burst out laughing. “Who would even date you?” he laughed even more, making Hyunjin kick his leg. “I thought you were talking to that one dude?” you furrowed your brows, now looking up to look at her.
“Him?” she questioned, a certain disgust could be heard in her voice. You nodded and she shook her head profusely. “He was so annoying god, no I need a pretty boy,” she said, as if trying to convince you guys to find someone for her. “What about that one guy, Jaemin? He hangs around Yerims friend,” Hyunjin said, blowing the smoke into the air and taking another puff of her cigarette.
Chenle furrowed his brows, “I mean.. Ugh can’t believe I’m saying this but I could try and get you an in,” he groaned out, regretting even thinking the words that came out of his mouth. You smiled softly, then glanced back at Heejin who beamed. “Really? Oh my god I knew it was worth keeping you around, thank you,” she smiled, blowing a kiss in his direction and he gagged. You shook your head and laughed, looking down at your sketchbook once more.
“We all need to get coupled up, I mean it’s too much to be single as seniors you know!” Hyunjin groaned and Chenle furrowed his brows once more. He looked at you and a small smile grew on his face. “I think Yn here has got herself a little fling,” he said, making you pick up your head once more. “No I-” “Oh my god and you didn’t tell us? Sly sly girl!” Heejin laughed, slapping your forearm. “I don’t!” you replied, feeling antsy about what Chenle had said.
Did he know? You knew he hung out around Jeno and some of his friends sometimes so was it possible you slipped up? Maybe he saw the two of you at that party from a month ago, or maybe he was just good with his intuition. It made you nervous, scared actually. You were worried that if Chenle knew and Jeno also happened to know then he’d just leave you, with no hesitation.
“Oh come on, you’re always sneaking off and texting someone. Maybe you have a pretty boy of your own!” He teased, laughing as he ended his sentence. You gave him a look which then made Hyunjin join in on the teasing. “You know he has a point, who’s the lucky guy Yn!” she teased, now all of them were just making fun of you. You sucked on your teeth as you stood up, picking up your bag and shoving your sketchbook in it.
“You know I’m not seeing anyone but please go ahead and make fun of me for all I care!” you replied, trying to level yourself by breathing in and out. “Yn it was a joke c’mon,” Chenle said, laughing nervously. “Yeah well I didn’t laugh!” your tone harsher now as you turned around to give them one last look then headed for the door.
The door slammed behind you as you rushed down the stairs, face flushed. You weren’t sure why you were so mad, they were just joking you knew that and they knew that. So why were you pissed? Was it because you had to keep such a big secret from your friends, the ones you told everything? That you couldn’t even tell them how this part of your love life was eating you alive every second. Was it even a love life if there was only lust?
At first when you and Jeno were just having casual sex it didn’t matter because it never went past that. But then he started getting into your head and now you were here, running away from your best friends. You reached the end of the stairs, exiting the art building to find Jeno, Renjun, and Yerim walking in.
“Yn! Me and Renjun just got off work, I was gonna come get you,” you glanced at Jeno then looked at Yerim. “Yeah uh.. Can we go? Sorry I’m just tired,” you breathed out and Yerim furrowed her brows. “Yeah of course,” she said, then glanced at Renjun and Jeno. “Thanks for walking us back Jeno and I’ll see you tomorrow Jun,” she smiled at both of them and you only looked down, feeling Jenos eyes on you.
“Yeah of course, you guys get home safe!” Renjun said, then waving bye as they both entered the building, leaving you and Yerim on the steps to the entrance. She glanced at you as the two of you began walking. She knew something was wrong and you knew that she knew as well, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.
Yerim didn’t take pride in it but she knew you like the back of her hand, more than you might know yourself. After living with someone for 4 years you begin to uncover their ins and outs. She knew you didn’t want to talk about it so instead the two of you walked home in a comforting silence, exactly how you liked it.
Pottery was like relationships. It was difficult to build a good stable base on a piece, an unstable base would throw the entire piece off and eventually lead to the end. A small crack could turn into everything falling apart as the crack got bigger and bigger. As the crack gets bigger, the base begins to break leaving the entire thing a whole mess. That’s how Jeno perceived relationships.
There were past mistakes at play with these thoughts as well, he felt as though no one really knew him no matter how much they tried to. This thought led to his own demise as he continued to date around and waste his time on girls he knew only wanted him for his looks, not who he was. But who was he? Lee Jeno didn’t know that himself. He knew that the person he was now was not the person he wanted to be.
This is what he found himself thinking as he watched you from across the crowded house, led lights flashing all kinds of colors in the dark room. He took a sip of his beer to get rid of the familiar lump in his throat, what was he doing? With you, here at this party, with his life? Jaemin glanced at him then where you were standing talking to Chenle. “You got a crush, or you jealous?” Jaemins voice broke him out of his own thoughts as he glanced over at him, clearing his throat. “No no I think I just zoned out in that direction.” Jeno mumbled, swishing his beer around.
“I mean, Chenle said something about Yn being with someone, think that one is off limits for you man” jaemin snickered, taking a sip of his own drink. Jeno looked up to look at him then glanced in your direction, “yeah, you’re right” Jeno mumbled back, looking down at the floor now. You were off limits, in every way possible. There were lines that Jeno wouldn’t allow himself to cross with you, certain feelings he couldn’t let himself feel. All because he was scared of that all too familiar crack.
“Donghyuck’s setting up a game of pool with him and his friend, you down to join?” Jaemin spoke once more, leaning off against the wall and throwing his empty cup in the trash. Jeno glanced at him then you, pushing himself off the wall. “Lead the way” he mumbled, following Jaemin through the overly crowded house. Both of them made their way up the stairs, Jeno glancing around over the railing.
He didn’t even like parties. Nothing about him actually liked being around a large group of drunk 20 year olds every night. Yet he still found himself going as an escape, from his own mind. The more he let his thoughts consume him the more he found himself back at that same place. The cracks. He couldn’t find it in himself to ever commit to something, especially not relationships. Because of those previous cracks Jeno doesn’t find himself worthy anymore, which is why he chooses to live the life he does.
Amidst all these thoughts clouding his brain, he found himself standing across Donghyuck and his friend, mark. “Oh hey man, didn’t know you were joining us,” Mark said, an awkward tone could be heard in his voice. Jeno gave him a tight lipped smile, “yeah. Good seeing you too.” the words came out a little harsh, but he didn’t regret that. Truth be told he wasn’t very fond of Mark but not for the reasons one would assume. Mark was pretentious, always thinking he was better than others. Sometimes he was, maybe that’s why Jeno felt so threatened by him.
Jaemin and Mark began setting up the game, Jeno watching them as he cleaned his cue, Donghyuck glanced at Jeno then mark. “A bit weird since you guys are both going for the same girl” he said, making Mark freeze up. Jaemin glanced at Jeno who only rolled his eyes. “No idea what you’re talking about man” Jeno mumbled, trying to act unphased. Why did he have to let his jealousy get the best of him? “Really? I mean Mark here told me you were dating yn?” Jaemin furrowed his brows and kept his gaze on Jeno. Jeno looked up to see everyone else looking at him. “Dude.. c’mon” Mark muttered next to Donghyuck, who only smiled smugly.
Jeno shifted his gaze at Mark who looked at something behind Jeno, looking insanely nervous. He looked at Jaemin then sighed. “Me and yn are not dating, I would never see her like that” Jeno finally said, making Donghyuck nod and smile softly as he looked behind Jeno. “Hey yn!” he said, waving his hand. Jeno felt this pit in his stomach, like everything was going to go wrong now. He breathed out, trying to keep his composure. He turned around to see you, standing next to Heejin and Chenle. “Didn’t hear you coming” he mumbled, making the anger bubble in your chest more than it was. “Yeah?” you breathed out, glaring at him.
Crack.
He finally looked at you to hold your gaze, there was something behind your eyes that he hadn’t ever seen before. Hurt? Anger? Sadness? No it wasn’t any of those but rather regret.
You regretted meeting the man in front of you.
You cleared your throat and walked past Jeno, sitting down on the couch not too far from the pool table. Chenle followed, sitting down next to you. You had your arms crossed, looking down at your feet. He glanced at you then Jeno. “You know you can tell me anything right?” Chenle said, making you look up to look at him. You knew you could, that wasn’t far from the truth but you didn’t want to. Suddenly the severity of yours and Jenos relationship was more than clear, as it was clouded in rose colored lenses before.
You yearned for the chase of Jeno and the idea of being his to keep but he didn’t want you in the same way, no, he wouldn’t want you in the same way as far as you knew it. Not when he would say explicitly to people you knew that he wouldn’t ever want you in that way. How could you have let your own delusions take you this far?
“Yeah i know” you finally breathed out, shifting your gaze at Jeno, then back to Chenle. Chenle pursed his lips, then sighed, deciding not to ask you anything further. You were glad because it was embarrassing, telling someone you wasted so much time on someone who didn’t want you in the first place. You did deserve better and it took Jeno talking about you like you were worthless for you to realize that.
Before you knew it the game of pool had ended and you watched as all four of them talked amongst themselves. The same thoughts kept flooding your head, why? Why would you let yourself get dragged into this mess with him? Why would you let yourself get treated like this? Why would you fall for him? Amongst all these thoughts there was one that was calling out to you, why were you still here? You had no reason to be, Heejin was clinged to Jaemin and Chenle was now talking to Mark and Donghyuck.
You got up from the couch, walking past the group they had formed to leave. Although you wanted to think no one noticed, one person did. Out of the corner of his eye Jeno saw you walk away and rush downstairs, he glanced back at Jaemin who was too busy talking to Heejin. “Gonna go use the bathroom” Jeno muttered, walking away from the conversation and rushing downstairs to find you. Fortunately he knew you and he knew you would be going outside, unfortunately he knew that the last person you wanted to see was him.
He worked his way through the crowd, walking past drunk people and people who were high out of their minds. Finally he found himself at the entrance to the backyard which was open, in the distance he could see you standing in the field of grass. He walked out and shut the door behind him, making his way over to you. For some reason you always knew when he was around because you immediately turned around.
You two stared at each other for a couple minutes, both of you unsure what to say until you finally broke the shared silence. “I thought you would never want to be seen with me,” you breathed out, your words cutting through Jeno like a knife. He pursed his lips and sighed, “Yn I never said that” he mumbled and you furrowed your brows, almost in amusement. “You basically could’ve,” you replied back, making him sigh out once more, but this time in frustration.
“I had to say that, it would’ve gotten too weird,” he said, making you roll your eyes in response, “no one would’ve cared if we were together Jeno.” were. You said were. What did this mean for you and him now, he thought. “You don’t get it yn,” you furrowed your brows once more, squinting your eyes to make sure you were seeing him properly. But you weren’t. You didn’t recognize this side of Jeno because all you had seen was the side of him that you thought wanted you, and now you can’t tell the real from the fake.
“Is it really that impossible to want me? Seriously Jeno?” your words hit him hard but you weren’t upset, rather angry, at yourself. Jeno wanted to reach out for your hand but he stopped himself, clenching his fist instead. “Baby-” “Don’t.” you cut him off, breathing out and closing your eyes, what was the point of this argument? Were you here to knock some sense into him because it wouldn't work and you knew that deep down. Instead you knew that you should just walk away, but your feet were stuck in that same place as you stared back at him.
For once his eyes weren’t filled with lust but rather longing and need, was this just another one of his tactics to get you to stay? Was it working, is that why you couldn’t find it in yourself to leave? He continued to stare at you until he broke eye contact looking down at the grass instead. What was he doing, why would he say that, how could he say that, all these questions ran through his head as he stood in front of you. You looked at him once more and sighed, starting to walk away until he grabbed your hand to stop you.
You looked at him with almost hopeful eyes until he said something you never expected. “I love you.” he breathed out, staring back at you. You looked between his eyes back and forth, for an answer. He was hoping for something back, but you stood there in silence as you looked in his eyes. Finally you did something, retracting your hand away from his hold.
Crack.
“Are you serious?” you finally spoke, rather calmly and Jeno could only stare back at you. Your chest heaved up and down as you breathed in and out, trying to calm yourself. You looked up at the sky, closing your eyes. You looked back at himself feeling the anger bubble up even more. “Can you say something?” you said and Jeno only pursed his lips, your anger rubbing off on him. “What else do you want me to say? I already said I love you yn” those three words again, hitting you like a blow to the face.
“Anything but that Jeno please.” You mumbled and Jeno only furrowed his brows in confusion, “I thought this is what you wanted? You wanted to know if I want you and here's your answer” Jeno said back making you feel even angrier. "You don’t love me Jeno so stop saying it” you said now it being Jenos turn to be amused. “Seriously what more do you want from me yn?” he replied rather annoyed and you only glared at him.
“Nothing! I want nothing from you because you don’t love me. You loved the idea of having me to yourself.” you shouted now, feeling the anger boil over in your body. Jeno scoffed, “Don't do that, you and I both know that this love of yours means nothing in the long run Jeno” you continued on, making Jeno silent.
Crack.
“You’ll say this to me now and by next week we’ll be back here, you publicly denying any ties to me and me having to be embarrassed with myself for doing this in the first place!” You shouted some more, feeling tears brimming in your eyes, he watched you with a cold gaze, so unreadable. “Embarrassed? Really Yn?” and you stood there baffled, that that was all he got from what you said. You laughed, in disbelief and hurt. “Jeno you can’t love anyone because you don’t even value yourself. Face it you’re insecure and it rubs off on the person you’re with,” Your voice was calmer now, more confrontational. He sighed out in frustration at your words. “I told you I loved you Yn” he said and you scoffed right in his face, “Those words don’t mean anything without actions Jeno. You and I both know that,” You finally sighed out and the words were hitting him harder now more than ever.
You were right, it didn’t mean anything without his actions. And what were his actions? Manipulating you, claiming he loved you when he didn’t? Maybe there was an ounce of love for you in him but you were right once more. He couldn’t love anyone because he didn’t value himself. At all really, he didn’t hold himself to any value. He watched as you breathed in and out deeply, wiping away a few stray tears that fell, shaking your head. “Jeno I don’t want to see you again, luckily you don’t either so this’ll be easy,” you finally said, Jeno still stuck frozen. He watched you walk away and let himself stay out there, to reflect on what he could’ve had.
Breakups weren’t easy, especially when no titles were actually established in a relationship. Jeno laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling in the dark, his hand over the spot that you used to sleep in when you were here. But that side on his bed was now cold from your loss, you weren’t there, and you weren’t going to be. For the past week Jeno had been wallowing in his own self pity, locking himself in his apartment. If it weren’t for Renjun and Jaemin breaking in with their spare keys he wouldn’t have eaten anything either.
Jeno flipped over to his side, still clutching his pillow as he laid in bed. He was sure both Renjun and Jaemin knew by now, it was painfully obvious, but he didn’t care anymore. All he could care about was how right you were, how you, who he thought didn't know him, actually knew him inside and out. He sighed out, shutting his eyes to fall back into his deep sleep once more, his dreams and thoughts being clouded with only you.
When he woke up he found that his bedroom door was open and there was food placed on his bedside counter. He sat up in his bed, staring at the wall across from the bed as he heard a set of footsteps get closer and closer to his room. He glanced at the doorway to see Renjun standing there. The two of them held eye contact with one another until Renjun fully walked into his room, sitting at the edge of the bed across from him. “You didn’t eat your breakfast,” Renjun finally said, making Jeno look up from his blanket. “Wasn’t hungry,” he mumbled in response and Renjun nodded, looking down at the floor.
“If you’re here to lecture me then just go Renjun, I know I’m a dick,” Jeno breathed out, crossing his arms as Renjun lifted his head, tilting his head. “I’m not.” Renjun said, making Jeno sigh, almost in relief. He didn’t want to talk about it with Renjun or even Jaemin because it was too embarrassing, that he was too in his own head that he didn’t even stop to think how it was affecting you. “But, why’d you hide it?” Renjun continued, making Jeno purse his lips in thought.
Why did he? From the moment Jeno met you he knew you were a good reliable person, you also just clicked with him immediately, so much that it scared him. So that was why he suggested hiding it from your friends in the first place, that if people didn’t know then it would be easier for him to leave you like he did with everyone else. Yet the more time he spent with you the more he kept growing closer to you, unknowingly. One thing led to another and you two had been seeing each other for 4 months, from then it was too late for him to leave so he kept giving you reasons to leave him.
From telling you not to act close around him at parties to getting jealous over Mark, everything was calculated in Jenos eyes. You just couldn’t see that he was trying to get rid of you. Why did you stay after all he was putting you through. Why did you want him so much that it started to hurt him? Even Jeno didn’t know the answer to that.
“I just.. thought it was for the best.”
“But did she think that? Do you think she liked being hidden Jen?”
Renjuns' words cleared the clouds away in Jenos vision. You didn’t want to be hidden. Of course you didn’t want to be hidden, what made him think you did? “No.. I just said that on my own, she didn’t suggest it,” Jeno finally said, making Renjun sigh out in response. “Look, I’m not entirely sure what happened between the two of you but what I do know is that you both need to communicate, she didn’t deserve to be hidden like some dirty secret and there clearly are some things left unsaid between the both of you.” Renjun said what he had been meaning to tell Jeno, he was right. You didn’t deserve any of this. You deserved love and appreciation, he had been treating you terribly this whole time and you didn’t deserve to endure that.
“How do I even talk to her, Jun she hates me” Jeno spoke once more, “if she hated you, she wouldn’t have extended an invitation to the art show.” Renjun said without missing a beat, making Jeno furrow his brows. Renjun reached into his pocket, taking out a ticket to the art show and putting it in Jenos lap. Jeno stared back at the ticket, it was mocking him.
There was no way he could muster up the courage to go and face you after embarrassing you like he did. But his heart got the better of him. Jeno stood up from the bed, making Renjun look up at him with a confused stare. He stood like that for a bit and then cleared his throat, “So? Are you going to help me pick something to wear,” Jeno finally said, making Renjun nod and smile. “You know you need to shower,” he said, standing up from the bed making Jeno playfully shove his shoulder, giggling as he did so.
You stared at the finished piece behind the glass casing of the exhibit. Staring back at you was a heart, with scars and almost battle wounds that were covered by something that resembled a bandaid. Behind it were two small angel-esque wings coming out of it. The piece in itself was up to interpretation as you had told your professor but you knew what the meaning was. It was meant to resemble a heart after a long well lived life, although there were scars and wounds the heart was still put together constantly, signifying that even if things were dull you would get back up.
That was how you saw yourself after everything with Jeno, you were damaged and bruised sure, but that didn’t mean your life would just stop. The first couple days went in blurs, going home just to sleep and spending the rest of your time in the workshop, but after a long talk with Yerim, you started to feel better. You didn’t have to think about all the what ifs but rather move on from the fact that it had happened and it’s over now.
The exhibit was now empty and speaking of Jeno, you had passed an invitation to him via Renjun, no one else had seen him since the party. You didn’t expect him to come but you were hoping he would, he always liked seeing your pieces. You sighed, glancing around and seeing no sight of Jeno or anyone else for that matter. You turned around to find yourself face to face with Jeno, but he wasn’t looking at you. You followed where his gaze went and he was looking at the piece, admiring it with glistening eyes.
He looked like he just showered, his skin always got a little red after a shower. You wondered what he had been up to this past week. He shifted his gaze from the piece, over to you. That was when everything fell silent in your head. “It’s good.. Like really good,” Jeno finally said, smiling softly. “Thanks, I worked really hard on it,” you replied, cursing yourself mentally because what did you mean you worked really hard on it? Of course you did.
He smiled and looked down at his feet, clearly thinking about something. He wanted to say something, you could tell by the way he stood, anxiously fiddling with the rings on his fingers. A part of you wanted to say what he was thinking before he got the chance to but you held yourself back, this was one of those things he had to do on his own.
You hoped it was what you were thinking about. Truth be told, even if you were happy this was over, you would be lying if you said you didn’t want him. In some weird fucked up away, you would always want him even if it led to you being hurt. For some reason you let it slide but you told yourself, if you were to try again with him, it would be different.
“I'm sorry, for everything” He finally said, lifting his head up. You took a deep breath and nodded, signaling for him to continue. “I’ve been terrible and there's no excuse, when we first started seeing each other I thought it would be one of those flings where we move on from each other after a week, but it’s not. I care about you Yn and it may not seem like it but I do want to be with you. I know you don't feel the same but I love you Yn.” He breathed out, his voice going soft at the last sentence. You furrowed your brows and spoke up before he could. ‘Who said I didn’t love you Jen?”
He stared back at you and you sighed, “I do love you, I just thought you were saying it just so I wouldn’t get upset,” you breathed out, Jeno shaking his head. “It’s okay Jen, I forgive you. But if we want to give this another shot we have to talk to one another.”
There was a pause between the both of you, Jeno only smiled softly. “So.. what does this mean?” He said, a sense of hope in his voice. You needed to be the bearer of bad news. You sighed and ran your hand through your hair, “I got accepted to the graduate program” You breathed out, making Jeno smile even more. “That’s amazing Yn, I knew you would get in,” he said, making you nod and smile in response. “The reason why I’m bringing it up is because it’s in a different city, about 3 hours away,” you finally said, inserting the metaphorical knife.
Jeno fell silent, he thought about the weight of your words. “I can do long distance Yn.” He spoke up, surprising you and himself that he was thinking with his heart. You fell silent, in shock. He wore the same frown he did earlier and nodded. “Okay so you don’t want to” he sighed out and you widened your eyes. “No I do!” you said, rather loudly and quickly. He stared back at you, a small smile on his face. “But let’s take it slow, you know.. I mean most of our relationship is gonna be through texts and calls,” you said, making him smile even more. “Anything you want.” He muttered, breaking the gap between you two to reach out and hold his hand.
You two began walking, hearts dancing as your footsteps aligned with one another. “You know if we’re going slow, should we start over?” Jeno said, making you nod as you let go of his hand, making him stop walking. You stood in front of him and held out your hand for him to shake. “Hi, I’m Yn,” you said, a big smile on your face as he looked down at your hand and smiled. Jeno shook your hand. “I’m Jeno, and I love you,” he blurted out, making both of you laugh out loud in the now empty exhibit. Your laughs echoed off the walls and Jeno pulled you into his chest, a tight embrace. “I love you too” you mumbled in his ear, tip toeing so he could hear you.
Nothing was ever meant to be perfect, relationships nor sculpting but it didn’t hurt anyone to give it a shot.
Hello can you do Jeno headcanon…. He getting married to his s/o:)) pls
── .✦ fiancé!jeno who...
CONTENT | fluff with a touch of smut (mentions of breeding kink)
A/N | this is my first time writing headcanons and im not sure if i did it right oof. you can also read this with lie to girls in mind !!!
fiancé!jeno who was so excited to propose to you that he couldn’t sleep the entire night before the big day.
fiancé!jeno who nearly cried the moment you said yes to marrying him.
fiancé!jeno who was even more excited at the thought of getting married to you, his best friend, his soulmate, the love of his life.
fiancé!jeno who wanted to give you the world and promised to make you the happiest wife on earth.
fiancé!jeno who couldn’t help but brag to his family and friends about how he gets to marry the most beautiful girl in the world.
fiancé!jeno who left the planning up to you because he knew how much you wanted to plan your wedding since you were a child.
fiancé!jeno who insists that he pays for the entire wedding while all you had to do was stand next to him at the altar.
fiancé!jeno who loved calling you his pretty fiancé while he was balls deep inside you.
fiancé!jeno whose breeding kink was through the roof, always telling you how excited he was to put a baby in you.
fiancé!jeno who was an ecstatic mess on the day of the wedding, wondering if you were having second thoughts.
fiancé!jeno who eventually calmed down after a pep talk with jaemin, who assured him that you weren’t running away.
fiancé!jeno who couldn’t help the tears that escaped his eyes as he watched you walk down the aisle.
fiancé!jeno who gave you the sweetest kiss after you were officially announced husband and wife.
Lee Jeno who always holds you close, whether you are walking together and he holds you by your waist or you are standing in the kitchen or talking with friends and he would come and hug you from behind and place his chin on your shoulder.
Lee Jeno who would buy matching shirts, rings, necklaces etc for the two of you and proudly show them off whenever somebody asks about them.
Lee Jeno who is so obsessed with how your body feels under his touch that he can't keep his hands on himself whenever you are around him. You two would be making out, and he would travel with his hands your whole body tryung ti discover all of it.
Lee Jeno who sends you little cute animals or a meme that he thinks you would relate to and says 'you'
Lee Jeno who knows you so well and you can't hide anything from him. Are you sad and you don't want to tell him because he is busy and you don't want to burden him? Good luck with that cause he knows when you are faking happiness and when you are genuinely smiling and he won't let it go if he senses you are not doing okay.
Lee Jeno who gets easily jealous when other people are hitting on you and is ready to fight anyone that comes close to you, but is the biggeat sweetheart with you, always sweet and gentle.
Lee Jeno who when you first meet him he is scared that you will take him for a mean person but as you get to know him you unravel his amazing personality.
Lee Jeno who looks at you in shock when you laugh at his jokes so hard, since he is not used to people laughing at the jokes he makes.
Lee Jeno who was so nervous to introduce you to his family and his members and stayed up thinking of all the possible outcomes of the meetings.
Lee Jeno who sends you fit checks and expects your fit checks back. When you do send him what you are wearing he would probably melt at how beautiful you are or want to come to you and undress you immediately.
