#johnpraphit

[praphit]

STANS

If you don’t know, Eminem made a documentary called “STANS” (on Paramount+)

[praphit]

Top 10 BAMFs of 2022

MF's it's BAMF time! - of the top 10 variety. Do I even need to say more? I probably do.

It's that time to honor all the people we've seen out in these mostly fictional streets, doing all of the things that we wish we could do (without getting arrested).

Last year's champ - BLACK WIDOW

But, she dead, so... I doubt there will be a repeat. But, let's see.

RULES:

#1 - Must have badass power #2 - Must have badass attitude #3 - Must be relevant to the majority in 2022

BOOM! Let's do this:

Honorable Mentions:

Team Peacemaker

Liam Neeson (my white daddy, always in the mix) Voldymr Zelensky (all politics aside - a real-life BAMF; didn't seem fair to put him in there with the fictionals)

Ashtray from “Euphoria” (you name a kid "Ashtray, and he's either gonna get his ass beat or be a BAMF... both kinda happened here)

Them “RRR” boys!

(I can’t tell you how much I love them and their movie. It hurts not to put them on, cuz this is now one of my favorite action movies, and they're awesome, but... no one knows what I'm talking about when I say "RRR"

Dude who fought a giant crab in “Love Death + Robots” ( if you don’t know, don’t worry about it)

Ben Affleck (you swoop in and take back your ex from a legendary MLB player... you get a mention) The Woman King The IronHeart The Wendy Byrde (badassery or mental illness? you be the judge, but either way - RESPECT) Sting, the wrestler (really just for being old) Wednesday Addams

Emily (the Criminal)

Ok, now that THAT'S out of the way:

#10 - Them Stranger Thangs Kidz:

I know they don't look very intimidating - outside of the super-powered girl (Eleven), one might not have a lot of confidence in them, but I do! Even though most of them look confused... and some look like they just shit themselves. BUT, think about what they did -

They went after THIS GUY, 

who's made a habit of making his victims levitate before crushing their eyes and bones.

They went after him on his turf, knowing there would be monsters screeching between them and him. And not being sure if they could even defeat him.

That takes some giant BAMF BALLS

#9 - Predator Chick

I don't remember the character's name, but the actor's name is Amber Midthunder. One more person who conquered their fears after seeing a beast be beastly, and then putting the smack down. Extra BAMF points for being seemingly (in a misogynistic universe, so... all universes, I guess:) the weakest, and using that non-truth to her advantage.

#8 - The Batman -

(that’s his “what-the-bleep-you-gonna-do-about-it?” face)

Batman always belongs on this list. He's pretty much the standard. If I don't put him on the list, people start coming to my home in the middle of the night, and threatening to take my credentials away. I don't even really need to say anything. I could talk about how in this movie, he simply stares people down (in silence), while collecting data on them. His enemies don't know what to think. He just let's them talk shit, while he computes how he's going to beat them down.

Then, there's the trailer:

He interrupts gang activity, beats the hell out of half of them, then makes a spectacle/example out of one poor soul who dared to ask "who are you?" THEN, my man responds to that question with "VENGEANCE". He could have said anything at that point and it would have been an exclamation point - "Batman" "The Night", "Steve" - doesn't matter.

You do all of that, and then shout out that you are vengeance incarnate.... yeah, BAMF.

#7 - Tom Cruise -

People (like myself) said the "theaters are dead". You've got OG's bitching about how the only movies people care about anymore are comic book movies. Then, Tom rides in on his motorcycle, and tosses "Maverick" at the feet of Hollywood. Hollywood looks at it... they've heard about this sequel to  (let's be honest) a bad movie, but they didn't believe it would ever happen. The film was glowing and they thought maybe they heard angels voices coming from the film. Masterpiece! I felt emotions I didn't know I could feel. And everyone must have been with me, cuz (at least for a moment) the theaters were booming again. Then, my dude puts out two awesome trailers for Mission Impossible, and promotes it all while standing on a plane (real life!) that's IN THE AIR.

Clap your hands all ye people, for Tom BAMF Cruise.

#6 - Thor -

Again, I don't need to say anything, but I will.

I could mention that the villain coming after Thor has a blade designed to kill him. Imagine if someone had a weapon called "The I'm going to torture and kill [insert your name] Blade". He tries to get help from frickin ZEUS, and Zeus and the gang are all scared of this villain, cuz their names are inserted on the blade as well. It's not just Thor's bravery, badassery, and muscles that has landed him on this list, but also his love. That's right, I said "love"! He fights for his love (Natalie Portman), who's sick. This is Thor we're talking about.... nobody would have blamed him if he said "Look, baby, you're sexy and all, but you're sick... this is too real for yours truly, the-gettin-booty-god -  a playa gotta play, you dig??" (I mean we should blame him, but... he's so damned charming). But, he instead stands by her, encourages her, and fights with, and for her. Badassery of love.

#5 - Strange! -

Do you remember that time that you possessed a dead alternate version of yourself, so you could dreamwalk to a hellish realm, so you could fight a witch and save the day? Ya damned right you don't! You know who can remember when they did that? - Doctor BLEEPING Strange! He's super nerdy, and normally we can't allow nerds into Club BAMF, BUT exceptions are a part of life.

Plus, he fought a lil bit in that movie... with his hands and feet! I thought he was all about hocus pocus. I had forgotten about his training. Rockin some tiger style, baby!

#4 - Gorr

I roll the r's on his name - seems more intimidating. "Gorr" (with no r's rolled) seems like a name for a simpleton, which he def is not! He went from a groveling worshipper to THE MAN you call when you want a GOD slayed. You don't even have to call him... he's probably out there doing it already; that's strong work ethic, kids.

Do you understand how ballsy that is?!

You know gods to be immeasurably powerful and seemingly unkillable. You find out that most of them are a bunch of assholes. So, you say to yourself "They ALL have to go. And imma make that cause my life's work." That's constructive rage, kids.

So, badass that all of the gods (these powerful beings) are hiding out.

#3 - Namor 

Everything about him is badass..

Look at him - you don't know if you want to fear him, worship him, be him, or bang him. I imagine it's similar to how Prince made people feel.

Namor!  Marvel's Prince!

He defended and saved his people. Led the building and reigning of a secret underworld kingdom. Comes and goes, freely, to and from Wakanda... without their consent. Nobody does that! That's like being able to break-in and raid Joe Biden's fridge whenever you want, and simply leave unharmed/unhindered. (BAMF)

He'll beat your ass in the water, he'll beat your ass on land, he'll beat your ass in the air. Doesn't matter. The only unBAMF-like thing about him are those chicken wings on his feet. You gotta cover them up, bro! Not out of shame, but just in case someone gets hungry.

Now, we’re at the end.

These last two were hard to decide between. -

Black Adam and Scarlet Witch

Both crazy powerful. Both with BAMF attitude.

Black Adam, pretty much can't be stopped. You can slow him down, you can manipulate him, you can trick him, but beat him?? Maybe if Superman were still around. But, honestly, I think he’d hold his own against Supes. 

His brooding anger will not be contained or deterred.

And then there’s the Witch! - who took out armies and super-powered groups (who's goal is to stop people like her) with little trouble. She got a lil banged up here and there, but everybody can’t get that I-never-bleed clause into their contract, like The Rock :)

They're both kinda murderous though, right?? Not something that your rambling praphit wants to promote with #1 honors.

The big difference is their motivations:

BA didn't ask to be around in the present; he was set free by some dumbass Tomb Raider-wannabes, with a lust for power. Black Adam is more like an emotionally wounded grizzly. You see it, it comes up to you and tells you to get out of the way. If you don't, it'll murder you... and that's kinda your fault.

The Witch is a straight up bully. She's trying to reclaim her "family" (that she magically created while torturing a whole community btw), and she doesn't care who has to die in the process; especially not some lil Puerto Rican girl (America Chavez). No bullies allowed at the top... unless they're complex, and their fury can be rationalized... and they're played by The Rock.

#2 - Wanda

#1 - BLACK ASS ADAM

[praphit]

Eternals: Never Let The Party Start!

I had heard nothing good about this movie. 

NOTHING! I heard that there was an unnecessary sex scene, but I didn't hear anything good about that either. Don't worry... I mean the sex scene is there, but it's nothing for the parents to be concerned about - concerning nudity. It does feel like the sex scene goes on longer than it actually is. I’m picturing families around the globe all awkwardly watching Disney’s dull, unnecessary sex scene. At least if it was Disney’s loud, graphic, nasty sex scene that horrified children, that would be something to talk about - BUT NOTHING! Nothing good!

Putting that (which is nothing good) aside, perhaps it'll still be good. Just think about this cast:

Kumail Nanjiani (Buff AF)

(seriously, the veins in his arms are ridiculous)

They resurrected Angelina Jolie (bonafide ass-kicker)

Salma Mutha Bleepin Hayek!

My main man,  Brian Tyree Henry, known by "Atlanta" fans as "Paper Boi"

That sexy ass dude from "Game of Thrones" that your wife would admit to your face that she'd leave you for

And did I mention Salma Mutha Bleepin Hayek??!

Eternals - Who are they? And why should we care?

They're pretty much like any other team that has issues, but always unite just in time to save the day: The X-Men, The Avengers, The Muppets

- just more powerful then those groups.

There's always someone with super speed, one with strength, one who's a psychopath and skilled with weapons, a Superman wannabe. They're all here, and more; even Sexy GOT Guy 

- although he doesn't have any revealed powers YET, unless you count being charming. That's not all that useful in battle though. Probably why he's not in the movie all that much. The woman he's with in that pic is one of the main characters, and everyone knows a person's side-action can't be involved in your main story.

We should care about them, because they're earth's protectors. They've been protecting mankind from creatures called "Deviants" The people at the party who get too drunk.

The people who don't cover their mouth when they're feeling sick, and walk around wiping snot on their sleeves.

Those people putting boogers underneath of tables and on walls.

Real nasty stuff!

But, they look like this -

The Eternals find time to get some messages across between fighting Deviants as well. Upfront, there's a diverse cast. There's a message about protecting your family. There's a mental illness part of this story too, that I appreciate. And some climate change action. They've even got Greta Thunberg up in here :) 

I thought it really was her at first. I was like "Oh shit! Greta is tired of all the bureaucracy. She dun collected the infinity stones and crew, and is PISSED!" (actually 14 year old actress Lia McHugh. She's really good in this!).

The Greta plot line would have been better, cuz even with this talented cast (all good btw), the monsters, the messages, and the Marvel budget - this movie is kinda boring. Not “I’m about to fall asleep” boring, but a “oh that’s cool, so is that... that’s ok.... cool I guess.... ok, let’s get on with it” kind of boring. The production and cast are great, but... I found myself watching this with a “meh” expression for most of it.

I mean look at this picture again. 

None of them are even doing anything. At least get your pose on or flex, smirk, give me the finger... SOMETHING! Convey any emotion at all! Nope. They're just going to stand there.

Not just boring, but gloomy.

It has a "GOT" vibe to it - that could be good news or bad, depending on who you are.

I don't say this just because of the look, the dragon looking deviants,  Kit (the sexy GOT side-action), Magic, a character named Sersi (tho spelled diff) banging a person they call family, or someone sitting on a throne. It's the constant war-mode. Even when they're not fighting, they're still emotionally fighting, and scheming. There's some funny here and there (mostly provided by Kumail and Paper Boi), but not enough, and not enough time for the audience to see relationships forming. Even with the sex scene, to the audience, the two people just met. "Didn't y'all skip some steps?! Are you THAT horny?! Don't you have a mission?!"

There's brief levity and then back to the doom and gloom. And like "GOT" they've got no shortage of scenes with the background music of creepy monks, sopranos, and an ominous string section.

Ultimately, this movie is ok. I'm glad it exist. I'm glad I saw it, but I'm not in a hurry to see it again. There are those who criticize this movie, saying it has the dark, sad feel of a DC movie, and those people are mostly right.

It just feels like a waste of talent:

You had Jolie, fresh with frustration concerning her ex. You could have named one of the Deviants "Brad". Let an action scene between her and him get brutal, and really announce that she's back!

Kumail is very funny, but he needed a partner in comedy, and more scenes.

This guy 

- not funny. He looks tired. There’s no funny in that face. That face says “Shoot me.”

Let's replace him with... idk, this guy has been making me laugh, recently.

  Why can't Tim Robinson be an Eternal? He's not quite in shape, but he's hilarious, and that's what this movie needs. On that note of being "in shape", why did Kumail get so buff? I thought that he was going to have some shirtless scenes or have super strength, and some badass fighting scene moments... nah, he hangs back and shoots energy balls from his hands. You don't need to be fit to do that.  My man T.Rob here could have done that! They could have at least brought Buff Kumail in for the sex scene!

They probably had some Marvel money left over that had to be spent, and he raised his had first. Imagine if Greta here, got the chance to be Marvel-buff.

There's apparently  a big deal being made (in Gulf Nations) over a gay couple in here who kiss. I think Marvel should have leaned into it... literally, and made the unnecessary sex scene an unnecessary gay sex scene. All kinds of close-ups, as an F U to the Gulf.

I will say that this movie will make you feel some things.  As I said, the acting is very good. If this flick had more emotional-ups in it, the harsh feelings in here would have it even harder. 

Grade: C+

Idk if there's going to be a sequel. They've certainly set it up to have one. I'm reminded of Thor. The 1st movie was good enough. The 2nd - yuck, but then they found their way to some fun adventure and comedy in the 3rd. Perhaps Eternals just needs some time to evolve. Maybe get a sequel with Kumail, Paper Boi, and Greta going on a wacky, comedic adventure. Perhaps they get bored with saving the world and decide to simply have fun all of the time. Like, aggressively fleeing opportunities to save the day, and preferring debauchery instead. Then, maybe you’ve got something.

It could be Marvel's "The Hangover".

[praphit]

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, everybody! 

The start of this year was similar to that of the mini-series “WandaVision”

(my runner-up show of the year)

We were all wounded by 2020, so we kinda locked into some delusional hopes for 2021. It was cute.

Eventually, things seemed suspicious, like plans weren’t going to go forward as we had hoped. 

(Olson, my actress of the year)

Then, we chose our sides, and wanted (and still want) to fight each other.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons to want to fight.

Virus  (best movie with symbiotes in it).

Our climate ( in more ways than one).

She was actually made free! But, there are “Free Britney Activists” in the world now, so... I guess now they’ll devote their time to freeing ALL of the Britney’s of the world. 

Rich white people doing rich white people things.

The machines path to inevitably taking over.

The list goes on and on...

It didn’t take us long to give into fear and hate did it?

But, I don’t want to focus on that right now. Let’s celebrate some of the moments of 2021 that put smiles on our faces.

ADELE CAME BACK!- 

To make us emotional... for now... though I’m certain she’ll abandon us for another 3 to 5 years, only to make us emotional again (lather, rinse, repeat) It’s a weird relationship we have with her isn’t it?

(my runner-up Album of the Year)

Mac & Cheese Ice Cream!

Yep :- /

Bernie Sanders, as always, making it cool to be old and crotchety. 

I put out new music. Yesir! 

(a taste)

(more than a taste)

(My Album of the Year. You might be saying “How can you give yourself your own award?” 

I do whatever the hell I want :) Don’t hate cuz my tunes make the kids feel :)

PAUL RUDD became 2021′s sexiest man alive.

I can see that... 

It’s not so much a Michael B Jordan type of sexiness, but more of a... a man watching the kids (not his) of a woman (his girlfriend... sure) who’s out partying tonight... with her guy-friend (totally not a date). And even though she won’t be back until the next morning (late morning), he trusts her. 

- that type of sexiness, I can see that for sure :)

Silk Sonic (my Sexiest Album of the Year Award). Even this pic is oozing with sensuality.

If you don’t believe that music alone could get someone pregnant, just take a listen, and you will.

“I Think You Should Leave” season 2

(Tim Robinson is def my Funny Person of the Year)

LUBIN TOOBIN IS BACK!

For all of you perverts out there who have been longing for the day you can do what he did, and have it be no big deal... that day came this year. Congrats.

The 2021 Olympics!

As always, giving us reasons to cheer and to simultaneously cringe.

Cash in the walls!

Times have been tough for everyone, including churches. But, God, apparently, “blessed” Joel Osteen with gobs of money in the walls of his church.

I’m not making that up! Hey, preachers, pick yourselves up a sledgehammer and try your faith.

The Washington Football Team scandal (and no real punishment in sight).

You might be asking how this could be a good thing? Well, it’s not. It’s a truly horrible thing (it’s worth looking up if you haven’t heard). BUT, if you’re as rich and powerful as the owners of the NFL are, then this story might give you a smile of relief. Finally, a win for the rich,abusive, white guys out there.

And... this - Ye (my Artist of the Year), DaBaby, and Marilyn Manson? - on stage with each other? Mac & Cheese Ice Cream was more predictable.

It has to be the work of the same god who put money in Joel Osteen’s walls that made that happen.

We can’t reflect only on the good. We must learn from difficulties and battles of 2021 as well, right??

We learned that dragons ARE real! 

... and that no matter how slip... sorry, wrong pic

We learned that dragons ARE real! And that no matter how slippery they can be, with diligence and some hocus pocus on your side, they can be slayed.

(”Shang-Chi”, btw, my Personal Fave Flick of the Year - don’t argue with me)

Lil Nas X’s “Montero”!

The music is NOT the bad thing. I liked most it (though if you listen to the lyrics of some songs, he seems sad)! I like him as an artist. I like his style, and his videos. I, for one, salute his marketing strategy in 2021.

I just can’t get the imagery of someone twerking on the lap of a seemingly bored Satan, out of my mind. The devil doesn’t look like he’s having any fun does he?

And our kids are going to imitate this art. I don’t know if any of the parenting books out there prepare parents for kids shaking it in front of Satan, and then putting blood in their shoes.

“MALIGNANT” - my Comedy of the Year

“Why?” “How?” If you watch the 3rd act of this movie, then you’ll know.

VAGINA CANDLES ARE EXPLODING!

A real story and a real problem!

Dr. Seuss... racist as shit!

TOM BRADY (my Athlete of the Year)

- proving that unlike Bernie Sanders, one is not doomed to being cold and lovably irritable when they get old. Sometimes, when you get old, you when another Super Bowl ring.

The Weeknd was lost and confused.

.... as were many, who started wondering, if the cult rumors were true with this performance. I dug it though:)

There has been an increase of conspiracy theories that certain artists, including The Weeknd, are conjuring spirits and portals to Hell during their performances. 

Obviously, that’s nutty. But... nothing would surprise me after the last couple of years.

Perhaps the end of all things will kickoff during an Olivia Rodrigo concert.

And lastly, we learned a lot from “Squid Game” (my Show of the Year)

Probably not as much as we should have learned from it, but more to never play “Red Light, Green Light” ever again.

(the old man, btw, my Actor of the Year ---- which doesn’t make much sense, only that I loved that character.)

2021 Praphie Award goes to - 

Willem Dafoe!

This is completely an inside joke that’s not worth explaining, but imagine this fine actor selling products such as:

“Willem Dafoe’s Sauerkraut Juice”

“Willem Dafoe’s Homemade Breast Milk”

“ Willem Dafoe’s Half-Eaten Apple Pies”

“Willem Dafoe’s Sexy-Parts Trimmer”

I want to publicly thank Willem Dafoe for all of the laughter he’s given me and my colleagues in 2021.

The more this face can sell, the better off we’ll all be.

Last Year’s Slogan to live by:

“If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t return to you, hunt it down, and kill it.”

This saying was truly inspirational.

2022′s slogan shall be:

“Recently, I made a promise to myself that the next time I got a boyfriend, I’d be on the lookout for red flags. And if I saw any, I would do the healthy thing and I would murder him.” ~ Harley Quinn (”Suicide Squad 2″)

I think there’s a lot of wisdom there, people. 

Meditate upon it, build healthy relationships, have fun, stop overreacting, and ENJOY THE COMING OF 2022.... oh, and don’t look up.

Much love!

[praphit]

Spider-Man NWH: “Oops” (no spoilers)

I like Tom Holland a lot. I love him as Spider-Man! 

I mean, he looks like someone who'd be a good friend... or someone you'd like to beat up and shove into a locker... I'm conflicted; perhaps both... a delightful, complicated friendship is what he looks like. But, he seems charming. He's adorable as he keeps trying to be an action hero. 

And who isn't on team "Tomdaya"?? 

(ZenHolland?) idk. Like I said, I love his Spider-man, but that dude is always getting into trouble.

No Avenger has bleeped-up more than Peter Parker (well, except for maybe Iron-Man).

Though I will say, that normally he's bleeping up cuz he's trying to do the right thing. While other times he bleeps up simply because he's a kid. This time around, he botched a super-villain-ass-beating by allowing the villain to reveal his secret identity (in the last movie).

You wouldn't think it's that big of a deal, being that everyone knows who all the Avengers are... they're all kind of attention-whores.

 It's not just the sharing of the identity, but the poses, the press conferences, and when there isn’t a crisis around, they just create them. 

But, with Peter, it seems like he could have just denied that he's Spider-Man, right?. People with mountains of hard evidence against them deny it all of the time. I don't think they even have any pics/vids of Spider-Man. But, sure, let's all take the word of a dude with a fish bowl on his head.

And with his identity revealed, there are all kinds of issues that arise: the media demonized him, the media politicized him (root for him and you're a "snowflake", we need more guns on the streets to take these vigilantes down), the fans made things awkward for him (especially at school), plus there’s always TMZ, and there were probably nude leaks or something... cuz why not?? - and most importantly, his family and friends were put in danger. When most people get stressed they turn to binge-eating, or binge-drinking, or  binge-watching, or hit up their weed guy/gal. Peter on the other hand has a "magic guy" in Dr. Strange. 

And if you've seen the trailer, then you know that there's a spell cast to make everyone forget that Peter is Spider-Man, and that Peter screws it up. This isn't your typical "oops, I destroyed some property" or "oops, I missed with my webbing, and hit a kid in the eye, and now there's a lawsuit against me." this was "oops, I cracked open other dimensions, and now villains from those worlds are after me."

From this point forward, we're pretty much going down memory lane (past Spidey movies). They kinda used this as a way to correct mistakes.

Jamie Foxx's "Electro" is here , 

but this time his character isn't lame, and HE'S NOT BLUE!

The Lizard makes an appearance... meh. 

They can’t fix the bad cgi/design job of that movie he was in.

  They start to get into some mental health/illness issues with all of them, but especially Doctor Octopus and The Green Goblin. Though most of our mental health's would be poor if we turned ourselves into some sort of monster.

Speaking of The Green Goblin, Willem Dafoe is great! By great I mean creepy AF (as he should be). Age has not made him lose any creepiness at all.

Oh, and there was a Sand Guy, but he was forgettable. 

You might as well of had James Franco up in there. I would love James Franco to simply play himself. How to fix THAT guy, there's a real challenge.

And it's at this point when the movie becomes a video game. Spidey has to track villains down and try to set things right. I don't necessarily mean it's a video game in a bad way. It's exciting, but it feels like you're going through levels without much character development. If I had any complaints about this movie, this would be it. Also, there's a minor mental health bend to the story. Peter is trying as hard as he can to "cure" these villains. So, it's kinda one more movie where a mental illness equals being a villain or a burden. We just need to lock you up, until we can find a serum to make it all better. I wish! - though if there was a shot to be taken to cure bipolar, dementia, etc etc... people probably wouldn't take it. All that being said, this is just a movie; a comic book one at that, so I will not take any points away.

This movie is a exceptionally enjoyable:  the Spidey-Action that’s still creative after like 20 movies, the CGI is better than it’s ever been (except for Lizard :), Dr. Strange scenes making us salivate for "The Multiverse of Madness". If you've watched all of the Spider-Man films up to this point, I can't see how you wouldn't love this. It’s a shower of fan-appreciation and easter eggs. The problem is, if you haven't done your Spidey-homework... you might be a lil lost. They play all of the emotionally high hits of every Spidey movie ( and I mean that in the best way).

They also play the emotionally low hits of every Spidey movie, and it's very good, but sad... (I also mean this in the best way).

(I’m don’t remember which scene or movie this gif is from. He looks like he’s watching Zendaya cheat on him.)

Holland be acting his ass off towards the end of the film. You can really see how Peter has grown and how he will grow for future movies. I even had to fight back a half a tear or two, cuz I sure as hell ain't crying in no Spider-flick. But, the stakes are real.

Ok, so... I lied.

Slight spoiler...

VERY SLIGHT...

VERY VERY SLIGHT...

Seriously, you should know this by now, I sure did, going in...

The Spider-men from the other films DO appear, and with each appearance, the audience I was with went crazy! That's all I'll say.. other than I would LOVE a "Spider-bros movie! Their chemistry is adorable.

Grade: A

[praphit]

Shang-Chi! and the Rings of Daddy Murder Death!

When the trailer for this movie first came out, I was hyped! From the cast, to the bad ass bus scene, to Wong vs The Abomination,

 I was sold! 

Of course you had the people who came out saying "This is Marvel trying to be woke again. Hate crimes against Asian people on the rise, and here comes Marvel with Shang-Chi" We know this to be crazy, because Marvel already had this in the works, but certain people still reacted that way. But, even if that notion were true, would that be so bad?

It wouldn't absolve the ignorance, hatred, violence, and toxicity. But, if someone in Hollywood said "We've screwed over Asian people in films for like... ever. What if this time we choose a popular Asian character to base a movie on, and we DON'T do that?"

Now, (being that this movie supposedly leans on Chinese culture, with Shang-Chi being Chinese) China might argue that they still did them wrong (valid racist historical ptsd, cultural splicing, the whole martial arts thing, plus the main character is actually Canadian). It's not my place to weigh-in. But, I will say that making Shang-Chi Canadian, NOT a martial artist, but instead a hockey player, who loves Drake, and co-starring another Canadian, like Micheal Cera or someone 

probably wouldn't have worked as well for the MCU. Then, maybe Canada would have a problem with Marvel. I don’t envy movie-makers in this context. 

When I was a kid I was big into Black Belt Theater, Bruce Lee movies, 

Bruce Leroy, 

and within my love for martial arts and fighting entertainment was 

Shang-Frickin-Chi. 

I liked it, though I remember it being a lil racist. It's weird going back in time to see your fav childhood shows and books that wouldn't fly today:

I mean we've certainly been a lot more sensitive these days:

Regardless, Shang-Chi is here! (played by Canada's main man Simu Liu) He goes by the name of Shaun! 

Don't let that name fool you. Shaun will whup that ass! He says "Bleep all those super powers, and serums, a suits, and magic, and the rubber bones of Widow! That's some ol bullshit! All I need is my Wu-Tang style!" A style fueled by his daddy issues. And he's got some serious daddy issues. To be fair, his dad is the villain of the story. If your father was the active villain of your story, you'd also have issues.

Awkwafina is his sidekick

(much better than Michael Cera would be), she plays as Katy. That's fun. Every Katy I've ever known has been fun... and a heavy drinker:) This Katy is here to drive fast and crack jokes.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your new Marvel duo!

It's not just daddy issues for Shang-Chi, but mommy issues (she dead), avoidance issues, his sister kicks him in the balls. He didn't even seem shocked. I mean, his balls were shocked, for sure, but it seemed like she just did that all of the time. I'm imagining Christmas when they were kids. "Here's your gift, bro. KNEE TO THE NUTS Merry Christmas" What kind of relationship is that? And why?! - well, he did abandon her for like 10 years, but... you know, that's plenty of time for her to get over it, right?? So, we'll say sister issues, his daddy training him to be an assassin issues, and his friends have issues with him! - AND KATY! They don't respect Marvel's new duo. They think Shaun and Katy should be doing more with their lives.

They are both valets during the day, and at night they rock drunken karaoke. That seems like the perfect life to me.

But, Daddy and his power rings couldn't allow them to keep living the dream. I haven't mentioned the ten rings yet. 

They give him super-duper-magical martial arts powers, and make him eternal. AND made him an asshole.

To be fair, he was probably already an asshole before the powers. He's been killing a lot of people. You figure he's been around for 1000+ years. His wife is dead, and he has no hobbies. It's not like he kills a few people and then goes home to read a book, or play video games, or make TikTok videos. It's sunrise to sunset killing all day, every day for generations. Then, he forms an evil terrorist group called "Ten Rings" to amplify his killing.

"Murder Death Rings" are what they should be called.

"Daddy Death Punchy Time"

""Dead Doomy Rangs of Killer Dad"

"The Legendary Killer Rings of Deadly Death Death Murder Pops"

"The... " sorry, I've been drankin a lil bit while I write... I lost my place.

I like "Daddy Death" Where was I?

Right! He can't have Shaun being happy! We've gotta get this plot going, so he sends the only white dude he can find in this movie to start some trouble for them. I guess, there might have been a couple of more white people in the film, but they all got the snot beat out of them in that bus scene. This white dude's name is "Razor Fist", yep... "Razor Fist!". 

At least they didn't stick to the original design. 

Ridiculous. How does he use the bathroom?

He's played by Florian Munteanu, who is a former heavy weight boxer. Yeah! Was also in "Creed" his nickname is "The Big Nasty". Isn't that a drink? A bartender once offered me to sample a drink called "The Big Nasty". I chose to go with a drink that doesn't have "nasty" in its title. ... I think he was offering me a drink.

???

"Daddy Murder Death" and "Sharp Fisty Man" spark this thang. And Shaun becomes Shang-Chi, beater of ass!

The visuals in this movie are the best Marvel has done to date. The action is so good. I just got finished raving about the action in "Black Widow"; this surpasses that. I dug the cast. I know some people don't like Awkwafina, but... get over it. She was great in this; everybody was!

I loved the soundtrack! I'm not normally the "I loved the soundtrack guy" , but it was perfect. It begs to be mentioned.

No issues with the story. And the emotions that they're stirring in you. Whew!

One moment I'm enjoying the beater of ass, then Katy is making me laugh, then the slew of issues got me in my feelings, then the visuals wow me, then more swelling issues, back to ass beating - all the way through.

And the ending! True, Marvel has a formula (and this sticks to it), but if it ain't broken, why bleep with it?? The ending was Game of Thrones-ish, but with light so a brotha can see, and all the colors of the rainbow - like a Skittles commercial with martial arts.  Fun! - so not like GOT at all, I guess. The only fun they had was when there was torture or prostitution going on.

I don't have anything bad to say about the movie. They could have shaved 5-10 mins off, but I won't take off for that; there's just too much to love about this!

Grade: A+

Fun for the whole family! I can see the fam working through some issues after the watch.

Daughter: "You know, Dad. That asshole dad of Shang-Chi kinda reminds me of you."

Mom: "Daughter! You do NOT talk to your father that way!"

Daughter: “Just sayin...”

Dad: "That's interesting, cuz his ungrateful, bitch of a daughter reminds me of YOU!"

Mother and Daughter: *gasp

Son: *laughs

Dad: "All I want you to do is take your school work seriously and maybe date a guy who doesn't smell like weed!"

Daughter: "I'll have you know that's his natural smell! And maybe I'd focus more on school, if I didn't have to focus on YOU being such a BLEEPING ASSHOLE, DAD!"

See, that's healthy dialogue, right there. Maybe the family that watches this movie buys mommy a bunch of guns for protection, so she doesn't end up dead like the mommy in this movie. Like a ridiculous amount of guns!

And I could see brother and sister kicking each other in the crotch to resolve their differences. BUT, if they're close-by, fighting each other, then there's no time to abandon one another.

Marvel does it again!

Whichever of the Marvel films is your favorite, this one will probably be up there as well.

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