CW: Platonic, joke fic. Suggestive jokes. GN!Reader but 2 dif presentations for Sanji's. Intentional typos.
Zoro
“Alright! Here you go.” You say in pride as you set down the cake you made and serve slices for everyone.
“Mm~” Nami takes a big bite, enjoying herself.
“My tastebuds are cheering! Not that I have any!” Of course Brook has to crack some sort of skeleton joke. You sit next to Zoro, who stares at the slice of cake.
“You’re really not gonna eat the cake I put my blood sweat and tears in? You’re going to do that to me?” You know he doesn’t like sweet things so you’ll have to guilt him a bit. Zoro huffs and takes a bite. “There you go, yeah take it in your mouth.” He glares at you, chewing stopped. “C’mon you can do it, swallow for me.”
“Keep talking and I’ll spit it at you.” The swordsman states and you shut your mouth so he can finish it with a gulp.
“Good boy.”
GRIP
THUNK
Youch! He headbutted you.
Sanji
Sanji drops down from a small boulder with a sigh. The fight wasn’t hard but it was a bit sudden. You sit at the bottom having finished a while ago since he took the brunt of it.
“Thanks for protecting me, I appreciate it.” You say with a small smug smile.
(Masc)
“I should’ve led them to you instead.” He grunts, kicking his foot on the ground a few times to get any large debris off.
“Don’t be like that, we’re friends. You did well out there~” You get up to go to him. An enemy that was passed out behind you suddenly gets up and is promptly kicked back unconscious by Sanji.
“Watch your own back!” The cook snaps. You wrap your arm around him and pat his back.
“Good boy.” His expression immediately darkens and you’re kicked 3 feet into a rock.
(Fem)
“(Y/n)-chan~! Are you okay?” He checks over you quickly for any injuries, sighing in relief when he finds none.
“You’re really not mad I let you do everything, huh?”
“Of course not, I'm always ready to serve you.” Loverboy says quickly. An enemy that was passed out behind suddenly gets up and is quickly kicked back unconscious by Sanji.
“Woah~” That was quick, you pat his back. “Good boy.” You say that and he freezes in place, mind running a million miles per second before a small confused blush forms on his cheeks.
“y-you’re welcome?”
Thought of this because ragebaiting is funny. Sanji would act so different depending on how a person presents so i figured i would just do depending on if youre more masc presenting or more fem presenting. Its short anyway might as well do both.
⟢ you and johnny have been together for quite some time, and he decides to make things more official. ❤️
── .✦ story notes
⟢ idk anything abt the fantastic four other than the movie that came out this year and franklin is some god or something. takes place before dr doom snatched lil bro 💔
── .✦ word count
⟢ prolly 1k or less idk
── .✦ tags
⟢ a couple uses of y/n but trust, second person, not beta read!!!, never written for johnny before this is a first, wrote it for my sister in 7 minutes at 4am as a joke and she said to post it so i’m posting it, fluff, ur outfit is the only descriptor u have, u have eyes tho, i forgot some characters names ur just gonna have to lock in, i did not in fact spell or grammar check (ur gonna understand soon), happy ending, lots of fire puns, idk what the fantastic four building is called, i rlly just remember she gave birth in space in the movie and came back to life and there was eggs and johnny had a bakery back there idk so i forgot a lot about them
── .✦ a/n
⟢ i saw the jonas brothers this week. very cool
you shownup to then foursome toower inn a memssy bun wotj jeans, convnersje and a dress bc.
you rdotn careee 😜 ur litile firebanol sausu he lvoeos you regahrdleldsof how you look so you isut show up uwoekebr you wnat 💗
u knock on the door 67 timesm and then he comed rushsing to youu. “oh em geeee it s my sunthshhine!!!” he says.
he has a lisp bc he jsut went to the dentisit and had 4 tweth taken out.
you meow at him befor prnacing in, making ur way to the dinenr theble. he hahs gottne used to you joining them all
for family dinenr.
“wowwww inlvoe ur dress!!” says susan
is her name susan
“thhank you so mich” says y/n aka you
“giyths i jahbe sletjjng to tell
yyu,” suaus johnnyn, starijg at ur big orbs on ur face. nor ur chehst.
“WOAOAAHH WHAT IS IT” says the rock
“thejres no way this is happening chat clip itttt” says frajkin who is a twitch streaer at age 4 bc he’s a boss like thajt
“im proposing to y/n IRGHT NOW.” he says. he gets on both knens like the shane danwson meme and proposes. the ring is ginanprmosj and doenst fit on ur dingner. mayeb its a toe rigm!???
“YHIS SIS SO UNDXPECTED CHAT” says robbert.
wait what was the stretch guys name. it hmk its roger or sormthing. BUT HE SAYS IT.
you gasp relaly bug and stare back a thounny. you say “YUES” like the katssye meme. everyone cleebrates and acreams absolutke cinema as you and johnny ride off into the sunset
“ive alwuas been on fire for u y/n ur so badddd” he says seducitivlry. “ur like.. gasoline or soemthkgm.. lighjter fluid.”
“ur hawtttt” u say
“yea ik..”
tjenedm.!!
i fele like now is a good time to say i’ve seen nearly every marvel movie and love them deeply but genuienly domt rememberlike anythigk about f4. pls forgive im not a fake fan i jsut have a bad memory and cant spell when im
synopsis: you get tired of toji gambling and crash out but end up getting broken up with and kicked out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
notes: first fic! not proof-read, this isn't ment to be taken seriously, it was only for fun and as a joke (toji lovers please don't skin me <3)
866 words
———————————♡———————————
The TV rumbles as I try to sleep next to toji and his purple pet worm between us, as I attempt to ignore the blaring noise of horses galloping and him excitedly mumbling for whatever reason.
I turned over to him on the mattress: “Sweetie, can you turn down the TV? It’s too loud. I’m trying to sleep.”
“Not now, doll, I’m trying to win big, and I don’t want to miss out on my money,” Toji replies, not bothering to turn around to me as his eyes remain glued to the tv screen.
“I thought I'd ask you to stop gambling on the money we’re making. I want to be able to afford proper housing,” I say, with a discouraged pout.
“Ah, don’t say it like that Y/N, I’m doing this for us… and this house isn’t too bad.” Toji responded, still eagerly staring at the TV with his ticket.
“Toji, this isn’t even a house, it’s a fucking storage unit. I want us to be able to have a proper family one day.” I responded bluntly, my annoyance painted on my face. (that he’s still not looking at)
Toji finally turned to me with a somewhat offended expression (perhaps from the “proper family” part) before replying sharply, “eh? If you don’t like it, you can go back to your old way of living. You knew what you had to give up for this life with me. I never told you to quit your job and move in with me, yet here you are.” He turns back to the tv and bites his lip in doubt for his horse.
I stay quiet since what he’s saying is true… I did quit my job for him, it’s a bit stupid, but I wanted to be a housewife and focus all the attention on our future family… but what he said still upset me, so in a burst of rage I yelled at him.
“WELL, I DID IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO GIVE UP MY OLD LIFESTYLE SO I CAN BE WITH YOU, IS IT SO HARD TO ASK TO HAVE A PROPER LIVING AFTER ALL I SACRIFICED FOR US?! I JUST WANT TO BE A GOOD MOTHER FOR OUR KIDS!” I scream, crossing my arms whilst doing so.
Toji ignores me as the race is coming to a close. The worm shimmies away from me and closer to Toji as I lay down pissed and tired.
The horse race finishes, the horse Toji bet on got last place. As a result he lost all the money he betted (per usual). Toji grumbles under his breath and unplugs the TV in annoyance. The light of the TV (and the only light in the house (storage unit)) darkens, leaving the storage unit pitch black as he finally lays down fully. The warmth from the garage door makes up for the lack of blankets (there are no blankets).
The next morning, I rose from the dirty mattress as I felt morning heat through the metal garage door. Even though our living situation isn’t ideal, I'm still so glad to be living with my love, Toji, and I know he’s now going to try his best to provide for us now (since horse-betting didn’t work). I raise the door to the garage unit for light and fresh air in the room. Toji grumbles and wakes up in annoyance. He’s always so grumpy in the mornings.
He rises up from the mattress on the floor and walks over to me holding a plastic bag.
In the most deadpan voice, Toji pinches the upper bridge of his nose and begins speaking: “Listen, doll, I have to be blunt. Yesterday made me realize something about us… well… you. I only dated you since I thought you were pretty. I mean… you're not my type, but I thought maybe I could convince you to become a stripper and make big bucks for us… well… me. I still miss my dead wife and, to be honest, since you're not working anymore for our “family”, this can’t work out. You can’t handle me or my living habits either and that’s fine. I’m not for everyone.”
He hands me a plastic bag.
“You have two days to move out. There’s a homeless shelter if you need to go.”
I stand there in disbelief and utter shock before screaming, “YOU'RE TELLING ME WE COULD HAVE BEEN IN A HOMELESS SHELTER THIS ENTIRE TIME?!”
“Nah, I got banned there for using up everything, and they didn’t like my worm, but I'm sure they’ll accept you,” Toji replies unapologetically.
I began crying as I was packing my belongings into the plastic bag… my shirt… some socks…. a dress… (I didn’t have that many belongings anymore after living with Toji since he sold them off for money to continue betting on horses.) Once I finished, he kicked me out of the storage unit, and I'm alone again. This time with no idea how to get back on my feet and recover after all this.
♡ So I meant to make this read like a crack fic but it doesn't... Oops.
The genuine premise was just to make Bee... A bee... As a joke... But it ended up being pretty well written?? On accident?? I'm not even editing this shit to keep the joke feeling there...
It's just Vee as a bee toon taking a swim while nobody's looking bro I don't know how I made this so fun to read or anything bro help me 😭 ♡
❁ This is a joke fic based on my twisted au - Caretakers of Twisteds - which is made by me. Uh. It's not canon. At all. Maybe a different timeline? Dunno. ❁
✤ Special thanks to @rf-miarin + @mistressmimed for the conversation that gave me the idea for this dumb fic lmao
@k3echie also asked for a special tag too
Okay time for the actual list now!
@coolestclown @butch-coffee-cup @soupiestzilla @stormflypirateskin @foxythefox150 @go1dfish24 @c-horses (miss "I Don't Tag You" get bolded) @crayons-are-yummyy @fbpanimations (if I missed anyone please bitch at me I've had an eventful day and I'm eepy)✤
━━━━━━ ･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━
It was just a seemingly normal night, a normal summer night with a warm breeze in the air, clear skies and a newly uncovered pool in the backyard. While it was indeed inflatable, they for some reason treated it as if it was an in ground pool instead, a permanent fixture in their weirdass backyard. Vee was the only one out, the only one who could ever see any of this, the real truth behind the meaning of Bee Swim.
A secret panel soon slowly opened, and the screen of the robot turned off. Soon, a little fuzzball of a creature came slowly coming out- about the size of a toon, if it were not fully aged up that is- about Toodles sized. The fluffy grey and green creature stretched like a cat for a good bit before shaking itself off, then shaking off their limbs, including the wings they've hidden under their striped fur.
Soon enough, the real reason Shelly called Vee "Bee" was obvious, as now a pistachio green and grey-ish green striped bee toon was standing in a very hidden place in the yard, fur matted from the sweat that built up inside of such a metallic suit. Their wings were slightly crumpled from such a squeeze, one antenna straight while the other was bent just like the original Vee's, their lime green eyes focused on the pool. The one reason they snuck out... She snuck out.
Bee wanted to swim.
It was going to feel really nice to get all the sweat off, to dive into the cold water and feel so refreshed. She looked around for anyone that could notice though, notice the dwarf very-definitely-not-twisted bee toon that was out, and sighed heavily when she was clear. It should be safe... Oh if only she ever learned how to use her wings. She glanced at her back for a moment at them... Oh if only... She turned back to the pool, the destination, then at her robot body. It was curled up in a spot nobody would think to look, looking like it was fast asleep. 'Good' Vee simply thought, then turned back to the pool, then very carefully and silently made her way over. Since she was so small and unable to fly however- she ran into a new problem, getting in. She could risk it and jump over the edge and hope it wasn't too big of a splash, she could also try her wings- I mean, she was supposed to be a bee main, no idea how they went from bee to robot though. She slowly climbed over the edge with her wings buzzing behind her, using all six of her limbs to try to slip into the cold water without a sound.
She climbed the edge a little, doing her best to stay up right on the edge, but soon fell in with a quiet splash and a slightly louder yelp. She soon however was doggy paddling in peace, her head up but her body mostly sank into the water- which was slowly turning brown from how unkempt the bee toon was. She didn't care, she couldn't care, it felt so good to stretch her arms and legs- especially the second set of arms she never used in the robot suit. She eventually found herself just floating on her back, drifting in the water with her eyes closed, her furry body now soaked- but cool and felt so much better. She was finally at peace, floating through the water and feeling the calm coolness of it all, the breeze keeping her from overheating even out of her robot body. The water made all the mats and uneasy itchy feelings in her fur go away, the soft drifting motion of floating in the water was easing her mind so she could finally re-
"Vee?!"
Oh shit.
The bee picked up her soggy- pistachio green fluff covered head and flicked her antennae as she looked over at the one who called for her, her heart racing when she saw exactly who she didn't want to see. The one she knew would accidentally blurt out this secret, the one who was honestly... Just really bad at secrets.
Gi.
Though she couldn't lie, it was funny seeing her outside in her rainbow glittery pajamas, though that soon also faded to dread when she looked at the doorway.
Shelly.
That's probably who sent her out there in the first place... Vee really hoped Gi would just find the robot and leave, just think she's asleep and let her exist.
"Vee-Bee... Come on dude wake up, Shelly wants you inside, it's gonna get cold." Gi called out to the seemingly sleeping robot, making Vee, who very much was not there, freeze as she sank into the pool, letting her feet touch the bottom before she silently sank deeper, becoming just a head above the water.
That's... Not good. At all. That means they'll find out she's not in there, that she was a liar and-
"Bee... Pool..?" Shelly called out quietly, the massive dinosaur soon shuffling out, which made Vee freeze up even more. Oh how was she going to get out of this one..? How was she going to escape? Explain this without them worrying? Without them feeling lied to? This wasn't supposed to be a secret, she just felt like she was forced to keep it one back at Gardenview and never knew how to fess up to the truth. That she wasn't Vee Version One... She was a bee.
Vee Bee was a much better fitting nickname for her than they could have ever expected.
Though surprisingly, instead of being upset when their eyes met, Shelly's gaze went from being scared and concerned, to the usual loving one when she saw Vee. She didn't ask any questions, she didn't even seem to mind that she was so tiny compared to her "usual" body, she just looked purely relieved to see her again.
"Gi... Ged a dowel."
"A towel?"
"An bwush... C... Cween bwush."
"A towel and a hair brush?" Gi questioned as she rushed back over to the door, looking at the fossil as she slowly did her little dinosaur waddle over to the pool and sat down nearby.
"Wes pweeze."
"I got it!"
The two didn't even blink when the door was heard closing behind them, they just stared at each other, Vee slowly floating through the water towards the fossil, who just stared back at her with huge, red eyes full of love.
"Shellybean..."
"Is okie Bee... No a-apowo-gi-shin needed."
"You know I never lied about any other part of me, right? About how you taught me how to feel? To accept myself? That... Even if I was stuck as a robot, I wouldn't have honestly minded too much after all?"
"Uh-huh, bud I also knew Bee was Bee. Das why I sdop sayin Vee."
"...Seriously..?" Vee grumbled quietly, going to sink down more, but she was stopped when Shelly gently cupped one of her fuzzy cheeks into her little toon hand, the bee blushing as she looked up at the... Even larger than before fossil that was tending to her so carefully and thoughtfully even though she was different now. Well... Physically different, physically also now cramped and sore and tired, but that didn't matter to Shelly. What mattered at the end of the day was that Vee was okay, and she was okay as a... Really small bee.
"Wai... Why is Bee so... Iddy biddy?"
"It was a malfunction with how I was made... I was pretty much made with symmetrical dwarfism, and then they were like "Vee would do better as a robot" so I was pretty much kinda... Made into one? But also not? Then the robot body twisted and well... We came here. Then I started sneaking out at night... Then I snuck out of both things at night... Then we got a pool and I started sneaking out to swim and-"
"We here."
"We're here." Vee nodded as she said that, slowly rising up from the water and holding up her main two arms, and soon Shelly had a very very soaked bee toon sitting between her two massive dino legs. Once Gi got the towel and brush, the gachapon just tiredly said her goodnights before she simply went inside to go to bed, which made Vee sigh in relief as she let Shelly gently dry her off with the towel and close her eyes.
"I'm sorry I keep making the pool water brown... I don't get to clean myself off as often as I like..."
"Is okie, Bee."
"I'm sorry I lied to you..."
"Chu had no woice, Bee."
"Choice?"
"Mhm!"
"Yeah... I guess I didn't... You know I'm not a kid, right?"
"Bee owder dan me."
"Okay so you do know, good. I... Also can't fly... I never learned how to, don't know if I would anyways. I think it's cuter when I climb your back to kiss your cheeks..." Vee casually mentioned quietly, yawning loudly as she let Shelly start brushing her out now that she was just damp, even holding her arm out so she could brush the fur on it as well when she was done perfectly fluffing the bee's face. Vee honestly didn't even know why she was being so meticulous about it since she knew it was just going to get ruined soon anyways, but it felt really nice for someone to gently pet her again, run their fingers through her actual fur and just... Touch her. The real her.
For Shelly though, she was trying so hard not to cringe as she looked at her hands, which were definitely stanining black from the dirt stuck under the topcoat of her fur. It was like petting a dirty dog even though it looked promisingly clean... It felt horrible, but the faces Vee made- the looks of pure content and comfort made the very gross feeling so worth it. So Shelly simply didn't say anything, she just kept slowly brushing her out, taking her time on every part of the bee she was allowed to brush out- which was surprisingly pretty much everywhere as Vee seemed to have full trust in her despite the fact that Shelly was a full on twisted just- tending to her needs. Then again, Shelly has existed with her as a twisted for... Who fucking knows how long, so she soon realized that this shouldn't be that big of a surprise anyways.
No... The real surprise was where she couldn't take care of her.
Shelly would've assumed it would've been near her stinger, which... Wasn't even a point at all, it was so rounded off it didn't look like one at all. She would've assumed her belly, or her sides, even her legs- but Vee was a purring mess resting against her during all of those.
No, it was her back, specifically near the base of her wings, that made Vee snappy. At first it was just a quiet "don't touch there", but it quickly turned into yelps and jolts away from the brush when Shelly accidentally got too close. It was... Pretty concerning, so Shelly gently checked that spot.
It was deeply red and irritated... Probably from being so pressed into her back for so long inside of the body she was forced to hide in. Swollen too, looked absolutely painful. Sounded like it too from the whimpers and yelps Vee let out whenever the fossil gently brushed the fur away with her fingers...
"Bee..."
"Is... It that bad..?"
"Mhm..."
"...Will I ever fly..?" Vee whispered out, looking up at Shelly as the dinosaur gently uncurled her naturally bent antennae for her with her finger, who just smiled warmly and nodded, planting a small kiss on the top of her fluffy little head.
"You wills Bee, I now chu will. Id'll be gread, okie? Bud righ now Bee, les ged you inside. We don godda dell mama or mom aboud dis righ now, bud we godda ged your back wooked ad, ok? Is nod gud."
"It's always hurting... It's always been aching riGHT THERE-"
"Sowwy..." Shelly whispered as she rubbed Vee's back from under her wings now, getting a slow nod from Vee as she just curled up against Shelly and closed her eyes.
"Could we... Stay outside a little longer..? I don't wanna go back just yet..."
"Mhm, is okie Bee."
"Thanks... For... For everything, Shelly. For taking care of me, for always loving me, never judging me, not even being mad at me for any of this. And for especially not telling anyone else about this... I'm sorry I kept you up for something stupid." Vee quietly said, nuzzling her face a little deeper into the hoodie Shelly was wearing, looking up at the night sky as she slowly reached over and grabbed Shelly's free hand.
"I love you."
"I love chu doo, Bee. No madder wha... I wuv chu doo. Bes wife ever!"
"I've been your only wife, dumbass."
"Sdill da bes."
"...You're the best wife for me too, Shells. Thank you..."
There was not a reply, but that was okay. The soft and quiet holding session was saying everything for them, the way they were touching and snuggled, the way Vee was being held so close yet so carefully. The soft and careful breaths they took, the way they just... Bonded. Vee soon was smiling, her bee wings softly buzzing as she soon raised one of her hands, pointing at a star. Shelly just stared at it...
It was just a normal looking star.
"Remember that time I said we had a star as we cuddled in your room..?"
Shelly just nodded once.
"That's it, right there. That's the star... I did math calculations and pinpointed where it would be from Gardenview, then I did more when I found out the distance between here and Gardenview and- that's it. That's our star." Vee explained softly, closing her eyes and putting that hand back on Shelly's wrist, making the fossil squeeze the hand she was holding just a little tighter. Shelly just sighed, but it was a very, very comfortable little sigh.
"Bee gud now..?" She asked quietly, but she didn't get a reply. The fossil soon looked back down and just saw Vee's fast buried deep into her hoodie, her little bee body curled right up against her as all four arms of hers clung to Shelly in some way. Shelly just watched her for a good minute, then turned her head back up to the sky, pulling her little bee just a bit closer with the arm Vee wasn't clinging to. She was just surrounded by the sounds of nature now, the crickets chirping, the frogs croaking from a nearby pond, the flickering of both fireflies and stars all around her. It was slightly cold, but she knew she would be alright, especially when Vee let out a very quiet snore as her wings let out tiny, comfortable buzzes here and there. Shelly couldn't lie, she didn't know Vee was actually a bee, she just said that to maybe comfort her a bit more. She also now was questioning the logic behind... Literally everything about this situation. Though she soon looked back at Vee, looked at how she was just curled up and cuddled up against her, at how her little body showed only peace and comfort, and smiled.
Eh... Screw logic... Not only were they toons- Vee was absolutely goddamn adorable like this. Even if this was the only time she'd ever see this... She wouldn't have minded.
No matter what Vee looked like - she was her little baby Bee, and that would never change.
Happy April Fools... I don't think this reads as a joke fic like intended.
Hello neighbor(mr:otto) x glue while cheating on tomato.
No fancy dividers for this its diabolical thank you to my moot for convincing me😭 @sketched-mess 🥹
Warnings suggestive, cheating, idk, grammer flew out the window, very cringe.
The bedroom was quiet, for a moment almost peaceful. The door creaked open, mr:otto standing in the door way, he gasped, gloo(glue jar) was spread down on the bed sexily (what am I doing with my life.), "w..what?!" Mr otto stammered, "my wife will see you!!" (Im writing this in the same room as my family lords help me.)
Gloo jar smiled, "oh come on baby ain't no harm in a little fun." (Read this in a Southern accent istg.) Mr otto blushed, his sight lingering on glue jars stocking(s), "WHAT IS GOIN' ON IN HERE!" Tomato rolled in, "WHA?! I- I CAN EXPLAIN POOKIE WOOKIE BABY CAKES" (HELP-) Mr otto stammered out, gloo jar just smirked. "I said I'd make him my man one day you swine." (Gloo/glue is such a whore-), "SAYS YOU YOUR A SLAG GLUE." tomato shouted tears in its eyes. (🥹), mr otto caught between the feud(is that the correct spelling? Ahh fuck it we ball.) ,
"IM LEAVING.. YOU OTTO." tomato swore, rolling to the door with otto and gloo in pursuit, "I wanted to tell you.." tomato stood at the door silently for a minute, before opening it and walking out into the rain.* "im pregnant and its yours." Tomato rolled fast down the street never to been seen again, the end.
people of tumblr, since i'm free, i want y'all to pitch me Homestuck made by Zack Snyder. Make it as edgy, nasty, slo-mo, grey-scale, as Zack Snyderly possible. This is obviously a joke pitch but still please give me some interpretations of if Zack made Homestuck. Thank you!
The best part of the cousin fic Im working on (see this post for more context) is not only how silly it is (since I don't have to worry about pacing or tone that much) but that I can finally use normal expressions. The Tav can say shit like "Fucking Christ" or "By God!" or other shit.
Since part of the joke is that Tav is obviously a veteran bg3 player I can just get them to reference the weirdest shit involving the real world.
For example: If this post gets 1 like I'll make Tav say "Check the Scrying Orb! A second Dragon has hit the Spires!"
