It’s my 35th bday today..
Finally back in America while my parents wait for the house to go out.. long story how that happened but suffice it to say I did NOT want to leave them there and come here alone with my doggo but maybe it was for the better..
The past few months being in lockdown in Korea cuz of corona was super depressing and I felt like I hit rock bottom.. 35, divorced, stuck in 신혼집 with my parents unable to move on... 그 새끼 진짜 원망 많이 했어..
But it also got me to self reflect a lot and I made a vow to focus on myself from now on and not be blinded by my chase for what I believe will make me happy.
Trust in God and his path for you.
I’ve always believed this to be true and now is no different. This whole experience has made me grow and God led me to a major decision: to go back to school to get my ABSN and become an RN.
I’ve always wanted to be a more 당당한, strong, confident woman and I feel that this will help in so many aspects. I know this is a step towards the right direction and for the first time in a long time, I’m soooo excited!!!
앞으로 흔들림 없이 예수님만 바라보고 살면서 I want to do my best to do good in God’s eyes. Hence the “coming without my parents” because they insisted so freaking hard and I wanted to “그냥 아빠 엄마 말 들어.”
So much 서두 when really all I came here to say is that I realized how grateful I am that he left me..
Because I would never have been able to leave him..
He gave me so many chances to... in his unwillingness to compromise or give in or forgive whenever we had a fight... but I so foolishly 받아줬어 it all. I should have walked away when I had the chance.. but then I may not have learned such a valuable lesson.
I should have put myself first. In putting him first, I devalued myself and ultimately, he followed suit. It was always his needs first in the relationship and now that I’m out...
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!
At least I gave it my all. As much as it hurt, I did everything in my power to try and make things work, so I have no regrets.
It’s a shame he’s doing so poorly.. one of the girls from that group reached out to me so we met up and she told me how shocked she was when shit went down (“G’s crazy I’m worried about him”). She also told me he was doing pretty miserably.. living with his mom and helping G and A out with jobs here and there for money.. apparently A and him are inseparable now and they’re constantly drinking and getting out-of-hand drunk.. 쯧쯧... she told A she was meeting me so he knew but he didn’t wanna tell S cuz he was afraid S would come to our old house and try to see me...
He left cuz he didn’t wanna be “manipulated” anymore and fell right into the hands of the biggest, worst manipulator of them all... ㅠㅠ I seriously pray for his soul and hope to God that he finds his way...
But thank God that’s outta my hands now.
Still trying to figure out “who am I” but this time it’s v2.0.
No being afraid or ashamed or insecure of who I am.
Just be me. Focus on making myself better and keep my eyes on Jesus.
