Before WaT, I didn’t give a shit about most the Heralds. But after? These are my mentally ill babies and I’d fight Retribution for them
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Before WaT, I didn’t give a shit about most the Heralds. But after? These are my mentally ill babies and I’d fight Retribution for them
Cosmere Characters Watch K-Pop Demon Hunters
As requested by @querade :)
Yes! I finally watched this movie this last week. So here's how Cosmere characters might react if they, somehow, watched it too.
1. Pattern
Pattern: [humming with increasing volume & displeasure] Pattern: And what is wrong with patterns???
2. Sixth of the Dusk
Vathi: Uh...Dusk? Are Sak and Rokke both wearing tiny hats? Dusk: Yes. Dusk: I..............heard that birds like to wear tiny hats. Vathi: They are SO cute! Dusk: I know.
3. Nightblood & Szeth
Nightblood: I liked the part where the demon boyfriend turned into her sword and then they sucked the souls out of every audience member to create a giant shield to protect the world and everybody liked it. Nightblood: I feel like it's weirdly rare in media for the soul-sucking to be presented positively! Szeth: ...I am not sure that is exactly what happened, Sword-Nimi.
4. Leshwi, Raboniel, Venli
Leshwi: So the original inhabitants of the planet use their music to fight off the violent invaders from another world, huh? Raboniel: Invaders driven there by their violent, hateful god. Venli: And yet, I bet humans watch this and think they're the good guys, when they're obviously the demons.
5. Siri & Vivenna
Siri: I would give my right arm for a fluffy blue tiger that I could ride. Vivenna: It does seem like a really convenient way to send messages. Vivenna: Distance is meaningless, and it's clearly intelligent enough to securely deliver the message to to the right person each time. Siri: Vivenna! That's not the point! It's FLUFFY Vivenna: It might be rude for the messages to arrive wet, though... That's the only downside... Siri: FLUFFY
6. Lirin & Hesina
Lirin: So having ESTABLISHED that the demons are sentient, have thoughts & feelings, and aren't doing this by choice, the movie still ends with them all being slaughtered?? Lirin: What kind of message are they sending? Hesina: Do you want to talk about the themes of intergenerational trauma & of a child who thinks their parent can't fully love them for who they are? Lirin: ... Lirin: So you noticed that too, huh?
7. Kaladin, Adolin, & Shallan
Adolin: ...We should totally start a band. Shallan: I've already done costume sketches. Adolin: Wow, those look great! I think we need capes, though. Shallan: Oooh, good idea. Kaladin: [opens his mouth] Shallan: Don't worry--we'll have you in the back doing kata. That will be your dancing. You'll look hot. Adolin: Maya should be doing it with him! They can have golden spears! Shallan: Adding those to the drawing now. Kaladin: [peering over their shoulders] Can I at least have a shirt? Adolin & Shallan: No.
8. Marasi
Marasi: Huntrix are mighty warriors... Yet also feminine... Smart... Internationally renowned... Caring... Marasi: It's like if there were THREE Ascendant Warriors. Marasi: And they performed their feats of heroism live. Marasi: .... Marasi: What a beautiful world that would be.
9. Renarin & Rlain
Renarin: Is weird that I think they're actually much hotter when the patterns on their skin are showing? Rlain: [squeezing his hand] Absolutely not.
10. Nightblood & Lift
Nightblood: So you agree, right? The ending was all about how soul-sucking is good! Lift: Mmm...gotta agree to disagree there, friend. Lift: Anyway, I think the movie is more about how you got to eat a lot to fight a lot. Lift: And that's a storming important message.
11. Hrathen & Dilaf
Dilaf: You know..."fan" is short for "fanatic." Hrathen: Your point being? Dilaf: And in this movie, these big concerts created a mighty crowd of fanatics! Dilaf: Imagine how many converts we would get, if we had a concert all about the glory of Shu-Dereth... Hrathen: That is...a surprisingly sane suggestion from you. Dilaf: AND THEN SLAUGHTERED OUR ENEMIES DURING THE CONCERT, JUST LIKE HUNTRIX! Hrathen: Aaand there it is.
12. The Heralds
Chana: Just....imagine. Chana: If we could seal off the world and protect it from invasion by singing and dancing, instead of... Kalak: Being endlessly tortured in hell? Chana: Yeah. That. [Everyone ponders this] Nale: I think I'd choose the torture.
These two get drunk and proceed to make up 100 progressively stupider trolley problems. By the end there isn't even a trolley involved. Everyone they know wishes they'd shut up. They will not shut up.
I am obsessing unhealthily over the historical figures of Roshar, like the Shard holders, and the Heralds, Ishar and Jezrien and Nale and Taln especially, and the generation of the Recreance, Melishi and Garith and Shmone and all their spren, and I would've been really grateful if I had someone to obsess over them with
"What do we tell the people, Jezrien?" Kalak asked. "What will they say of this day?" "It's simple," Jezrien said, walking away. "We tell them that they finally won. It's an easy enough lie. Who knows? Maybe it will turn out to be true." Forgive us, Kalak thought, then left.
They waited for Kelek to call the next witness. The High Judge, instead, spent a good twenty minutes writing in his notebook. He was a divine being, like a kind of ardent, if magnified a thousand times. It wasn’t surprising to see him writing. Adolin just hoped the notes he was taking related to the testimony. He half expected that the Herald was solving word puzzles like the ones Jasnah enjoyed.
shut up, puny human, i have to do wordle
I think we as a fandom do not talk enough about how much cunt Kalak is serving in his official portrait… Cheekbones sharp as hell, eyebrows on fleek, lips plump and rosy, perfect eyeliner… Like- that’s a beautiful beautiful man right there. That’s baby girl…
I’ve been thinking about what’s going to happen in Arc 2 with Kal and the heralds a lot lately. One theory I’m playing with (or possible fanfic I’ll probably never write) is Retribution forces all the heralds to Braize again. We’ll see their anguish and terror but Kal and Syl will be there to help them through it. Imagine if he tells the dog and the dragon story to them.
I miss my 7000 year old babies…