#laughing cipher

[theyaregayyourhonor]

Constantine introducing Desmond to the Justice League

JL: let us guess, he's your ex?

Constantine: husband actually. Way to make a bloke look bad in front of his mate

Desmond: you were a slut when I met you now stop trying to make these nice people look bad

JL: we have so many questions... but maybe after saving the world

[princetriscuit]

ACxDC Desmond/Constantine | Drabble inspire by this post by @theyaregayyourhonor!

Desmond's hand clutches at empty air where, a mere moment ago, it'd fisted the silk of Constantine's tie and reeled him in. The empty hand closed around nothing, flexed, released. Again, small muscular tensing and relaxing, before it unclutched completely.

It was always like this.

Constantine was among the more regular of his patrons which, if he was being frank, he never would have expected from the man if he'd met him in any other way. If he'd met him when he was still alive, and still himself. Fully himself.

Instead, he was a fragment of Desmond Miles that had carved out a piece of unreality for himself, a part of the Grey between dimensions, in the moment that the Isu and their Calculations should have burnt him to cinders in willing - if by virtue of being fated - sacrifice.

Somehow, that piece of unreality had manifested as this - this bar, this sanctuary for the souls of those who were on the verge of incalculable loss at the hands of world-ending events of every persuasion.

He'd always had an inordinate number of visitors from Constantine's universe. Practically every member of his little coalition of heroes had graced the stools of his bar, dazed and disoriented by peace. Desmond did as he always did - as he had for some imperceptible stretch of time, now - he served them a drink or a snack or even just a few minutes' low-stakes conversation. Then they left.

Desmond didn't send them on their way; they left under the volition of whatever force brought them to him in the first place. He didn't think they remembered their visits, either, if his experiences with repeat patrons were anything to go by.

Except Constantine.

The Brit was - hot, obviously. Obviously. He had the grizzled flair of a consummate asshole, his choice of drink was usually just short of actual paint thinner, and clearly the heroing gig was enough to keep anyone fit, even a magician drunkard.

And that was all that he had been, to Desmond, at first. A patron, if an attractive one. One to serve and then lose, and wonder if this one would end up a regular, or if Constantine's universe was the sort that only tended to have the one real cataclysm every few generations.

Sure, Constantine had made him laugh. And - sure, when Desmond had complied with the request to fill up the man's flask, rather than serve him a real cocktail, their hands had brushed and Constantine had smiled at him in a way that reminded him of the best of nights at Bad Weather.

But Desmond hadn't expected anything to come of it. That was until Constantine came back, and he very clearly remembered Desmond.

The Laughing Magician kept coming back, and kept remembering, and kept flirting, until one day they'd finally given in and gotten their hands on each other -

Fuck, but it actually sort of stung, the sinking realization that if Desmond were to have anything with Constantine, it would only be stolen moments on the very edges of death and destruction for gods-knew how many. If Desmond were a decent person, he'd wish to never see Constantine again.

It would be better for more than just the two of them, if he didn't.

But life - or afterlife, or whatever complicated sort of state of existence Desmond was in - continued. More patrons came and went. Desmond tried to slyly ask some of the ones from Constantine's universe about him when they came in, but they didn't give away much and Desmond had more tact than to make them spend their few moments of peace indulging his crush.

He had a crush. It was so embarrassing. It was even more so because he didn't see Constantine again, not for a long time. When he saw someone named Dinah and dared to ask after him, she gave him a tight-lipped smile and simply said that Constantine was getting help.

Desmond had almost resigned himself to never seeing him again. Had begun to fade into the routine again, had lost that spark that had drawn him out of his - perhaps endless - bar shift and back into himself, even if only by inches.

Then a strange woman who, to look at her, he would have assumed to be a stage magician, appeared in his bar.

She didn't blink into existence seated on a stool or at a booth or table like his usual patrons did. No, she used the door.

No one had ever used the door.

"Okay," she said, before he could so much as react. She strode up to his bar, heels making a staccato velcro noise on the sticky bar floor with each step. "I cannot take one more day of Connie's mooning, so I am doing this one favor -"

"Um - how can I - Connie?" he stammered, then his jaw snapped shut when she slapped down a paper in front of him.

"A contract," she said without introduction. "To give Constantine the right to summon you from this personal pub dimension of yours for up to twenty-four hours at a time, once very lunar cycle. It was the best I could do, since contracts aren't really my thing."

"A - contract?"

She snorted. "Yes. Are you signing or not?"

A beat. Desmond glanced down, scanned the paper in front of him. He'd never really been big on documents or legalese, nor had he very really been able to reel in his impulses - see the motorcycle incident for proof - and, well, he wanted.

He really, really wanted to see Constantine again. He wanted his own moments of reprieve and comfort, and if that was to be in the arms of a handsome magician?

There were worse fates.

He accepted the pen that the top-hatted magician offered him and happily signed.

[theyaregayyourhonor]

Juno realizing the eternity she craves cannot be found in her universe. Humans have become hardy but they are short lived and in the event she creates another body, she will live in fear of another solar flare.

She bides her time manipulating events beyond Minerva's sight and sets her own sights elsewhere. She finds a world with a banquet of bodies for her to guide until a perfect vessel can be created. She grasps victory with the tips of her fingers before her vessel is stolen.

Constantine has been working on a case. Some invasive deity masquerading as a goddess has taken over a corner of hell, and not too many people are happy about it. What's worse is the vessel's all prepped and ready. There is no stopping somebody getting into it so Constantine overtakes the ritual and summons the sacrifice tied to her and wishes they weren't the crazy devoted kind. Nobody else would be compatible with her vessel so that's literally the only other option they have against world domination in not just this plane.

Desmond wakes up in a new body and sees Juno's hologram freaking out. She freaked out the one time Desmond joked about letting the world burn, but this is a different kind of freak out. She isn't even ranting at Desmond, she's ranting at a trashcan. A trashcan who's lid opens up to reveal a man in a trench coat.

A man who pulls out a flask and takes a few swings before seeing Desmond awake. "You look like you need a swig, have at it luv."

Desmond takes a swig and he also takes a hold of the man's hand. Anyone who could get Juno that pissed must be amazing.

Constantine is very interested in helping this new god get acquainted with his new body and that's how he gets an op boyfriend who learns how to use his powers and keep his soul safe 😌

[theyaregayyourhonor]

A conman walks into a bar. It's Constantine in Desmond's bar.

Constantine had just finished telling the Justice League how fucked they were when suddenly he finds himself in a bar. The cute bartender pours him the most expensive stuff without asking for a card and even lets him smoke inside. He knows this isn't heaven despite the high quality spirits and the good company. He teasingly mentions having misplaced his wallet and the bartender laughs before telling him he can work it off when he saves the world. Constantine blinks and finds himself back on earth just before the crisis went from bad to unsalvageable.

Desmond's bar that works as a mini haven for souls tasked with saving the world. He summons the souls that bear the mark of a champion (aka main characters or beloved side characters from series) giving them a break while he rewinds their universe. Once everything is in place they are sent back for a redo and the experience is thought of as just a dream. Or a vision, but they rarely fail the second time and forget having been in his bar.

Constantine through virtue of his fucked up soul does not think of his time in the bar as a dream. He knows the world ended and he knows some bloke with a bar gave him a second chance. He wants to see him again so he is always front and center when the JLA or any other Justice League bears a chance of facing the end of the world. He doesn't sabotage their attempts to save the world since he gets the feeling that will give someone else his spot at the bar, but he is disappointed when they save the world on their first try.

Desmond: Any other time I would make fun of you and call it a skill issue, but it's kind of flattering. Wanna see how many bases we can cover before you go back?

Constantine: *removing clothes* You gonna bugger me or am I gonna bugger you?

He is back on Earth just as they were getting to the good part. He says fuck like Spanish speaking commentators say goal lol Dinah has been watching Constantine when she can and she is concerned ™ Dinah trying to talk to Constantine because the red flags have flashing lights and she isn't the only one seeing them. They stage an intervention for Constantine who is like I thought this was a world ending emergency...

Constantine: you think I'm mad?

Zatanna: more than usual, but that's not the point. We are here for you.

Constantine: that's real sweet of you, darling even, but if you wanna help me all you gotta do is put me front and center in any disaster so I can finally fuck or get fucked by the being that watches over this universe. My balls are so blue they're never gonna change back so I would really appreciate it

Everyone speechless but also that's very much in theme with the magician lol

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Small PSA since we kinda touched on the theme but if anyone reading this ever needs emotional support, calling or texting 988 will connect you to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. There is also a Wikipedia Page listing the numbers of hotlines for other countries so if 988 is inaccessible please don't hesitate to look up the number accessible to you. Check in on your friends and fam and stay safe!