I’m sitting here reading “the subtle art of not giving a fuck” by Mark Manson, and for some reason I felt compelled to write a letter to you.
I’m excited to meet you. I’m not sure who you are or when I’ll meet you, or if we’ve already met and I told you to beat it (gimme a break, you were probably cheesy and made me roll my eyes too many times).
See, the thing is, I’m not 100% ready right now. So as excited as I am, I hope we meander a little while longer before we cross paths, or if we cross paths, let’s be patient. I need a bit more time to myself. I’ve had this terrible habit of putting others before me. Yeah, yeah, it sounds all noble and shit. But, it’s not. You don’t want a woman that doesn’t put herself first. So, here’s what I promise.
I promise to always do my best to take care of myself in every way. I will eat healthy and help you eat healthy too; I will go to the gym, practice yoga (and well, I know you’re active…it’s a must if we’re together); I will meditate (preferably on my own on this one), and do whatever helps make me feel good and fulfilled on the inside and out. I will ask for my space when I need, and will not have any problems voicing my opinions and beliefs (God, you’re a saint for sitting and listening). Most importantly, I will only allow us to treat each other with the utmost respect, love, tenderness, and openness. We deserve that, and importantly our kids deserve that. And the only way to raise kids with those values, and the ability to be in healthy relationships is if we show them how.
I want our kids to grow up in a healthy, nurturing and safe environment. In order for that, we should be best friends. We need to have each other’s back, and put our relationship first. Because, if we don’t, those little brats could divide and conquer (come on, we did it to our parents). We need to be a unit, and move as one. And for that we have to love and admire each other, and more importantly feel comfortable enough to call each other out on our bullshit.
I also want to show our kids what a happy, healthy, functional and slightly dysfunctional family looks like. I’m a bit of a nut, you’re not gonna get fully functional with me even at my best…suck it up buttercup. I want them to know what love and devotion looks like. I don’t particularly like what has come of our generation. Everyone is so scared and so closed off. People want connection but are scared to connect. Most of our connections are online. Which is a double-edged sword. It feels good, but it’s a distraction. So, I want them to know what genuine connection is. I want blackout periods where we as a family do NOT use any technology other than to make food and wash dishes (on a side note, I love cooking…so can you wash the dishes? I promise you will be rewarded…very well). I want us to know what real connection is
I want us to be connected to each other.
If we have daughters, I want them to be self-aware, confident and self-sufficient. So, I will do my best to be all those things to lead by example. I want them to be loving and open, and respect men and women. I already have the utmost respect for women, and by the time I meet you, I will have worked on my ‘daddy issues’ and will feel the same about men. I want them to have healthy relationships with other humans, and for that we need to have a healthy relationship with each other.
If we have sons, I want them to have the same thing as our daughters, and also really know what love and vulnerability are. I want them to be open with their feelings and feel confident in who they are. I want them to know that men are allowed to feel. And I want them to respect women. That is why I chose to marry you. I would be proud to have sons with the qualities you possess, and who better to raise them into wonderful young men than us?
I’d also like for us to devote time just for each other. Once a year, I’d like to ditch the kids and go away, just the 2 of us. We may end up spending the entire time in bed, and I’m fine with that 😉. Every so often (we’ll come to a compromise on how often) I’d like us to go to couple’s therapy (I’m not willing to compromise on this).
So, from this letter I’m sure you’ve gathered I have a lot to say. Good luck man, invest in some ear plugs. But more importantly I promise that I will do everything in my power every single day for the rest of my life to be the best wife I can be. I promise to take care of you and stick by your side through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. I promise to be faithful and loyal, and you will never have to doubt me. The only thing I can’t promise is that I won’t be a brat or piss you off. Because God knows I will. But I hope you’re OK to take the good with the bad…because I promise it’ll be worth it.
