Without you, I feel broke/Like I'm half of a whole
Hello everyone! This is my first whumptober and I'm very excited. I'm publishing this ahead of time, so I have no clue how many prompts I'll actually do. So, if you see this fic last then I'm sorry.
As this is for whumptober it will have things than might not be for everyone including: Major character death, vague descriptions of injuries, blood, trauma.
Please proceed with caution.
Pain everywhere. White hot pain coursing through his body. He can’t…
Loki looks up from his wounds, meeting Thor’s eyes across the battlefield. Thor gives out a mighty yell as he lifts Mjolnir to the sky. Bright lightning strikes their enemies in his ferocity, dropping them dead where they stand. Loki struggles to stay standing. To keep going when all he feels is pain.
Blood is rushing from his wound like the fountain they have in the palace garden. Loki would normally try to staunch the flow with magic or even cloth, but the hole is too large and he is too weak. He fears the weapon that struck him must have hit something vital for him to be bleeding this much so quickly. Another wave of pain rushes over him and his knees give out. His eyes are still locked onto his brother when he feels another weapon pierce his shoulder.
Is this it? Is this how everything ends?
Time seems to slow for Loki as he watches his brother desperately make his way over. The god can no longer hear the sounds of battle around them and wonders if he’s gone deaf or if Thor’s fury has put a stop to it. It doesn’t matter either way as he tries to reach out to Thor. His arm extended as his body fell to the side against his will.
He can see Thor screaming his name. Can see the sorrow on his face.
Loki blinks and when he opens his eyes, Thor is kneeling in front of him, frantic and crying as he picks Loki up. He cries out in agony at being moved, but he doesn’t have the strength to fight his brother.
Bright light encompasses them both, forcing Loki to shut his eyes.
He seems to have missed something when his eyes open again because no longer is he surrounded by open sky and blood-soaked ground. Instead, he sees familiar pristine white walls with gold trim.
He’s home.
Loki coughs and he can feel himself choking on blood. He can hear people barking orders around him but when he tries to look around, all he sees is Thor.
Thor. His brother. The one person who has believed in him no matter what. The one who has loved him when all others turned away.
Loki doesn’t understand why Thor has had such faith in him when all he’s done is hurt the man. He regrets so much and now he’ll never have the chance to make it up to him. He’ll never be able to show how much he loves his brother.
Because he’s dying…
Loki is dying and not even the healers can save him.
He can tell by the way Thor is looking at him. The anguish written across his face needs no words. He can tell by the lies coming from his brother's mouth when he says Loki will be okay. Loki wants, no, needs to tell Thor he’s sorry. It’ll never be enough, but he needs Thor to know that it isn’t his fault.
The healers have done something and now there is no white hot pain coursing through his body. He’s no longer drowning in his own blood. Loki can breathe if only to gasp out a few words at a time.
He can feel Thor desperately clinging to his hand and it gives him a little strength for what’s coming.
“Thor.” Loki chokes on the word.
Thor leans closer, tears freely flowing down his face. “Brother, you must preserve your strength. Mother and Father are on their way.” He tries to sound confident, but Loki can see through that lie as well.
Loki squeezes Thor’s hand weakly, “Sorry…Not…your fault.” It feels like years to get just that small sentence out.
“Shhh Loki. You can speak when you are well. All will be okay.” Thor’s attempts to soothe Loki only make him cry.
He can feel death’s cold touch slowly encompassing him and he knows time is running out. He must say what he needs to before he leaves. He needs to make sure Thor knows how much he loves his older brother.
Loki swallows as well as he can trying to get rid of the taste of his own blood. He’s been on death’s door many times and always found a way to escape her clutches. For the first time in his long life, he will not be able to escape her cold embrace. He will not be able to use magic or abilities to trick his way out.
“You’re a good…brother.” It comes out in a whisper. No louder than a summer breeze.”I wish….I had…been the same.”
Thor is fighting back a sob as he smiles.”What are you talking about? You’re the best brother I could have asked for. Who else would I be able to trick a bilgesnipe into running into the palace with? I am lucky to have you as my kin.”
A commotion at the entrance of the healing ward stops Loki from blurting out those three words. He tries to turn but his body doesn’t respond to his wishes.
He can hear the familiar cries of his mother screaming his name. Surprisingly, he hears Odin cry out his name too and it sounds…regretful and filled with as much sorrow as Thor’s.
Loki never expected to hear Odin sound like that towards him. It’s usually anger or disappointment. Never sorrow.
Thor moves off to the side, letting Loki’s hand go, to make way for the King and Queen of Asgard. Frigga immediately puts her hands on Loki’s wounds to try and heal them. He can feel the warmth of her magic trying to push back the cold of death, but not even she is capable of stealing what is rightfully Deaths’.
Loki listens to his mother scream at the healers to do something. A woman usually so calm, brought to this because of him. It causes a fresh wave of tears to come to his eyes. He needs for her to be his calm in this storm.
“Mother?” That one word puts him in a coughing fit. He doesn’t expect her to hear it but she leaves his wounds and rushes to where he can see her.
She looks as though she has aged by a decade. Her usually put-together appearance is harried and disheveled. “Oh, my dear boy. What have they done to you?” Frigga places a small kiss on Loki’s cheek and then rests her forehead against his.
She’s so warm compared to the cold he feels.
He misses the nights when he would lounge in the library, listening to his mother tell tales of the other realms. Some more fantastical than reality would have it. He misses those long days of his youth when she taught him his magic. He even misses those nights when he would have nightmares and she would come in with a mug of warm milk, snuggling him until he fell asleep again.
He’ll never get the chance to tell her that he never wanted the throne. That the attack on Midgard was never really his fault…
That she’ll always be his mother.
“I love-” He tries to get the last word out but his throat is closing up. Words are getting harder and harder to say.
His mother pets his hair and caresses his cheek softly. She chokes back a sob, “Shhh darling. I know. I’ve always known. I have loved you since the moment I saw that little blue babe and I will love you until the stars have shined for the last time. You have made me proud, my little mischief.”
Unable to restrain her tears any longer she takes a step back and grabs hold of Thor who clings to her.
Odin steps up to Loki's side and grips his hand with a gentle strength Loki hasn't felt since he was a small child. He searches Odin's face for something. He isn't exactly sure what he expects from the elder, but it’s not compassion. Guilt sits squarely on Odin's face and that confuses Loki.
He isn't sure what to say to the man who stole him and raised him all these years. He's still filled with anger at the King who swore that the Frost Giants were monsters and yet raised one of them as his own. He doesn't have to say anything because Odin speaks first.
“Loki. Son. I…” Odin seems unsure what to say to Loki. “You have always been my son. I should have told you earlier who you really are, but I was afraid. I was afraid of what you would do. Of what the people would do. I wanted you to live with your head held high. Proud of who you are. I regret what has happened between us, that you felt the need to prove yourself in such a way. Even if you had decided to embrace your true heritage, I would have loved you. You may not be an Aesir, but you have the heart of one.”
That's all Loki ever wanted. His father's approval. For him to see Loki as he truly is, magic and all. Who would have thought that all it took was him dying? If he had any strength left, he would curse the Norns.
He gathered as much strength as he could. “Father…” That single word came out as light as a wisp. More air than noise.
Odin seems to hear the word and emotions flit across his face faster than Loki can read them. He leans closer, his ear almost touching Loki's mouth.
With everything Loki has left, he speaks, “I tried… for you…Good enough... Love everyone.”
It's all he has left to give. He's out of time. Out of tricks. Out of everything.
Loki hopes it's enough.
Odin leans back and it shocks Loki that tears are streaming down his face. A large warm hand rests against Loki's own icey skin and it feels nice.
It reminds him of the days when Odin would take Loki and Thor hunting for days on end. Or the days when he would give Loki advice on different aspects of life. It reminded him of the days before he was overshadowed by Thor in every way.
Odin's gruff voice caresses Loki's ears as the cold overtakes him and Death leads him away.
“You have always been good enough my son. I'm sorry I've been too stubborn to show you otherwise.” Odin rubs his thumb across Loki's cheek, choking on his words.
Thor and Frigga join on either side of Odin. Frigga, sobs as she runs her hand through Loki's raven hair while Thor grabs Loki's hand and squeezes.
So much love on each of their faces that Loki can't believe how he could have ever thought otherwise. It hurts that he's only now realizing how much he means to each of them. That his death will hurt them more than he'd ever thought.
There's also a weight that's been lifted off his shoulders. To know that he is good enough. That they each see him.
The darkness encroaches on his sight and he fights to stay with them because he doesn't want to leave. Doesn't want to leave them behind. Except he can't.
He can feel the love as his mother kisses his forehead one last time. Can feel the warmth from his father's hand as the cold takes what little he has left. Can feel the strength of his brother gripping his hand as all of his leaves his body.
He can hear them cry out for him as he takes his last breath and his eyes close for the final time.
~~~
The funeral attendance surpasses even Thor’s expectations. It seems as if all of Asgard stood on the docks to watch and mourn the passing of the prince.
Loki, draped in his finest warrior outfit with his colors covering the ship in the finest silk, looks at peace. Far more at peace than he has been in the last 15 or so years.
A chant starts slowly at first as the sun rises above them. Thor looks to his mother and father, who stand beside him clinging to each other for comfort, and chants with the crowd. When the chanting reaches the apex, his mother says a spell that shoves the ship into the water.
It moves gracefully in the water as a breeze guides it to the edge of Asgard. Watching it get further away breaks his heart. This will not be the last he sees of his brother. He swears it.
As the ship sails over the edge and into the stars, the spell put upon it activates and it burns fiery hot. The ashes float away to mix in with the stars of the universe.
Incase you live under a rock there are two very well known and very good slave Loki fics where Loki had a kid that calls him Modi and gets in a relationship with Tony. But for some reason there aren’t more like that. And even weirder is that it’s always Tony that finds and rescues Loki, it’s never the whole team or Thor. And Loki always only has one kid and while being on the skinnier side seems to be doing fine for a slave. So my brain decided to give me a heavily whump story where the Avengers find Loki(almost dead) and his two children.
...... Except I don’t exactly know how the ending goes. So I decided to put it up here. Most of the brainstorming is already done for you I just need details and a happy ending. So come on inside and write a story or just see how awesome my brain child is.
So Loki was brainwashed/coerced by the chitari and Thanos to invalid Midgard. Loki either never got the chance to tell his side of the story, no one believed him, or they degraded him and made him feel weak for giving in to torture. Odin decides that Loki will have his powers sealed and his rights stripped from him and makes him a slave to this mean noble. Loki’s position is basically lower than everyone (even the other slaves). His room is basically a dark closet, he wears the worst clothes, is starved, given a crappy haircut, and is picked on by everyone all while people tell him everything is his fault and he deserves this. So Loki starts to believe it. Loki also gets raped and expects to be raped. But Loki was raped as a child (around 13-15) and it ended up with him having a kid (Sleipnir) and never doing anything besides holding hands, cuddling, and kissing in a relationship.
So the first time Loki has sex again after being raped as a kid is to being raped again. Loki falls pregnant and gives birth alone to a daughter(and it was not an easy pregnancy because no one would do anything to help him). Loki then tries his best to raise his slave daughter (constantly feeling bad that she has a terrible life because he was so weak) and doing extra favors to get herbs to make sure he doesn’t end up pregnant again. Then Loki finally ends up pregnant again when his daughter is like 4 or 5 and it doesn’t go very well. Loki is severely starved and weak when he gives birth(in his closet of a room with only his daughter present) when Loki starts bleeding during the delivery. Loki manages to give birth to a healthy son before all hell breaks loose. Loki pleads to heimdal to help his kids by bringing them to Thor or someplace safe before he passes out(loki is either dead at this point or almost dead)(and maybe heimdal feels bad for Loki and transports the kids to the avengers in New York where they then find out what’s going on and vow to rescue Loki and take care of the kids).
For some reason Thor and the avengers need Loki’s magic expertise and they all go to the lord that has Loki. They are all under the impression that Loki is doing something like heavy mandatory community service and don’t know that Loki is a slave. When they show up and ask for Loki they are either brought to his closet room (where they then see a Loki covered in blood and looking dead)or told that he was just found dead. Thor then demands to see the body and is then shocked to see the state his brother is in. With all his bones sticking out and blood all over him Thor knew that whatever happened to his brother wasn’t good. He then finds Loki’s children in the corner of the room being quiet (like when Kenny finds Levi in Attack on Titan) and Thor is horrified about what has happened because he finally knows the gravity of the situation. (I’m thinking he goes full on rage with lots of yelling) ( if you’ve ever read He loves me, He loves me not by Phoenix Demitto then you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you don’t then it’s your loss and you should go read it) He then takes the kids home(and Loki if he is still hanging on) to take care of them.
Also add:
They later find out how self-deprecating Loki is and the fact that the attack on Midgard wasn’t Loki’s fault. And they all have to help Loki finally understand that this isn’t his fault and he deserves happiness.
Loki’s daughter called him Modi.
The shitty lord trying to keep Thor from taking Loki’s body because he still owns him even if he’s dead and people pay lots of money for the corpse of a strong magic user.
The cuffs or spell that Odin placed on Loki keeps him in that form which is why even though he he is dead he did not turn back into a jotun
And if Loki dies then the Norms decide to bring him back because A. Loki’s life sucked B. He didn’t deserve that C. They still need him D. Loki should be happy
It would be awesome if someone takes Loki as side and finally shows and gives him a healthy and normal sexual relationship
You don’t need to use all of this if you don’t want to you. And let me know if you are interested in picking up this story. That way I can be the first ones to read it.
-Incase anyone was wondering the two fics that mostly contributed to the inspiration of this story are Anything for Her and Butterfly all on AO3
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
The Norns gave me another day and I’m gonna make it everyone’s problem - or at least the problem of everyone inclined to read my very self-indulgent and angsty fics.
Loki’s final thoughts as the life faded from his body, as he felt himself stop to struggle and struggle to breath, wasn’t anything violent and dangerous, not how to escape or to weasel his way out of this one. No.
They turned to his mother.
He saw his mother, sighing and shaking her head with tears in her eyes threatening to spill. Too young, she would have said, too young and too soon did he go through too much. She used to sigh and shake her head when he came to her with a scrape or a bruise, when she had told him to be careful and instead he got a hurt.
He wished he could smile at her, just a small reassurance that he was alright, but try as he might he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t move or breath or think properly.
Her tears spilt and her expression crumpled. With everything she hoped, wished and wanted she prayed he would be safe, get out of the situation yet again with some sort of miracle, but no. Not this time.
He glanced towards Heimdal’s body, sprawled on the floor, eyes still gold and open, right upon him as his own eyes began to go red. The man who would watch the gates of Asgard and point out the stars to him.
There, he would say, That one’s Alfheim, and Midguard.
Loki would smile and stare in wonder, always following Heimdal’s finger to the stars he would point at. Always dreaming and laughing, trying to picture the realms he would describe.
Now those eyes which would point and describe, which gazed so effortlessly upon the entire universe in awe were completely cold and unseeing. They should have been stationed, should have seen this coming. Gods if only Loki had left him at the observatory this whole mess could have been avoided.
As his vision slowly faded, black spots overtaking the image of his mother who’s hands had flown to her lips, trying to hold back the sobs, all he could think of was her, of Brunhilde, who was bleeding to death alone somewhere in the ship, of the children who had fallen next to their parents and how, finally, whatever dept he owed would be repaid.
