In my Bible study this week, one of the things we covered was Peter’s denial of knowing Jesus. For context, let’s look at the verses* that made me start thinking:
John 18:26-27 One of the servants of the high priest, a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off, asked, “Did I not see you in the garden with him?” Peter again denied it, and at once a rooster crowed.
Mark 14:70-72 But again [Peter] denied it. And after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” But he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know this man of whom you speak.” And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept.
Matthew 26:73-75 After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, “Certainly you too are one of them, for your accent betrays you.” Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know the man.” And immediately the rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.
Luke 22:59-62 And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, “Certainly this man also was with him, for he too is a Galilean.” But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.
(Emphasis through bold text is mine)
How much shame do you think Peter felt in that moment to start crying like that? How much guilt? Two of the gospels use “wept bitterly” to describe Peter’s immediate reaction to his realization that he had denied knowing Christ. Other translations from the Matthew and Luke passages use “cried bitterly” and “cried painfully” (the verb form is changed on occasion, but the verb-adverb combination stays the same). The Message translation describes it this way: “[Peter] went out and cried and cried and cried.” The Voice translation of Luke’s account reads as follows: “so [Peter] left the courtyard and wept bitter tears.”
Personally, I like Luke’s account of this moment the best because it has the kind of details that I like to read. I like knowing how long Peter sat around that fire, how Peter was practically interrupted by the rooster, how the Lord turns and looks at Peter in a gesture that would have felt like an “I told you so” but was full of nothing but love. And, most of all, I like hearing how Peter is so distraught by his failures that he can do nothing but weep bitterly.
I like to imagine that Jesus turned and looked at Peter when He heard the rooster, causing Peter to look away in shame. I’d like to imagine that that awful heaviness sank into Peter’s chest as he stumbled away from the courtyard and that he started running to get away from it as so many people do with guilt. Maybe he tripped on something in the low light, a physical fall to correspond with the failure. Perhaps then is when he begins to weep, too overcome with shame to even consider getting up. Peter, a grown man who pays taxes to the Temple and to Caeser and who fishes for a living to support his family, cannot find it in himself to get up from the path and stop crying. And maybe that’s just speculation, but it’s how I would respond.
We are human just like Peter, and this helps us grasp how real he was. People don’t just cry over nothing; there is motivation behind each and every tear that falls. And, in this moment, let’s not forget that Jesus came to us as a human, too: Jesus Himself wept over Lazarus, and Peter weeps over guilt in this passage.
I’ve wept like that before. I’ve cried bitterly, disgusted with my own self. One verse that is particularly convicting to me is Ezekiel 6:8-9 “Yet I will leave some of you [the House of Israel] alive. When you have among the nations some who escape the sword, and when you are scattered through the countries, then those of you who escape will remember me among the nations where they are carried captive, how I have been broken over their whoring heart that has departed from me and over their eyes that go whoring after their idols. And they will be loathsome in their own sight for the evils that they have committed, for all their abominations” (emphasis is mine).
I think for as much grief as we give Peter, we should also take a hard look at ourselves and confess our guilt. Just as the rooster reminded Peter, may we be reminded by the Holy Spirit. Amen.
*All verses quoted in this post are from the ESV unless otherwise specified.
