a/n: been pretty enamored with the idea of being Sanji's first official boyfriend so have this; fair warning this is a bit old and i only did a brief reread for errors lmk if you catch any i didn't see
CW: brief mentions of reader/you drinking
It's an interesting position to be in. Sanji has always been a wonderful lover, kind and considerate, always doing a little extra just for you, but since you met him you had always assumed he knew he liked guys, just not you. It was surprising when he had confessed that you were the first guy he really thought about in a romantic way, or at least that he could recall and identify as such because you had always felt like he was a little flirty with other guys before.
It often felt even more surprising that you were his first real relationship. The way he seems so open and proud of his feelings even if it’s simply being so unashamed to look at you so tenderly or the soft smiles he sends your way as he's cooking. It feels wrong to know such a lover boy hasn't received the same care and love he gives out so freely.
It's a learning curve for the both of you for sure. Regardless of your relationship experience.
If you have relationship experience Sanji feels pressured to measure up to your past experiences. He tends to try to move the relationship too fast and further than he's comfortable with. It’s a battle to slow him down and affirm that you want him to be just as happy and comfortable in the relationship as you are. He eventually levels out but before there's a period of time it practically feels like the two of you have weekly meetings about your relationship to ensure the both of you are feeling like your needs are being met and that you're both still happy and enthusiastic about being together. And maybe that's what makes you happy but if not he slowly gets comfortable without that time and he finds himself coming to you when he has concerns or needs, even for the simplest comfort hug on a particularly frustrating day.
If you have little or no relationship experience Sanji feels a lot of pressure to be perfect and not scar you for life with a bad relationship. He knows the both of you are literally in the same boat physically and metaphorically since your relationship together will be formative regardless of how good or bad it is. He feels the needs to go above and beyond with his gestures and dates, because he needs to make sure he doesn't ruin relationships forever for you. And if you try doing the same for him, he'll only feel guilty for making you feel like you have to do so much for him. It probably leads the two of you into an argument or misunderstanding that eventually leads Sanji to start hosting what feels like weekly meetings on your relationship to ensure the both of you are feeling like your needs are being met and that you're both focusing on the relationship together rather than focusing on each other. He'd be happy to continue such a thing if you enjoyed it, but otherwise he's happy to bring such a thing up as they come.
It's all truly so enduring though;
Sanji is the type of guy who is smooth and charming with any girl, but flusters immediately when you start flirting with him, his face and ears turn red, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he struggles to get any words out, the way his pretty eyes look anywhere that isn't you, and when you really fluster him he lets out a whimper, a truly pathetic noise, the kind that makes you want to tease him more.
Even when you've been together for a while, he's flusters just the same when you're physically affectionate. Early on it's mortifying to him that he can't hold your hand without blushing a little, or fully blushing when you kiss, and when you get a little breathless after a particularly long or steamy kiss he wishes the sea would open up and eat him when his nose starts bleeding. but as your relationship goes on his reactions because a minimal flush and the sweetest smile he reserves especially for you.
GOD the nosebleeds, Sanji is embarrassed to admit the amount of kitchen towels he's had to surrender to his nose bleeds, and he doesnt want to admit when he had to use them. That one time you come into the kitchen for a quick snack in your bathing suit, or the times you've beat Zoro in one of his stupid drinking games and you gave Zoro a stupid cocky little smirk, or the time you greeted Sanji while calling him pretty boy, still breathless from a workout. He knows without a doubt the rest of the crew, you included, have caught on to the nosebleeds but he's very grateful that no one has yet to bring it up.
And he's so very soft in your arms, especially when the two of you manage to lay in an actual bed together and not a hammock on the ship. It’s funny how different he is as you cuddle together compared to the stiff board he was the first few times you two cuddled. You practically had to pry his arm from his side to show him how to hold you. After the initial nervousness Sanji found himself in a flustered frenzy until you managed to melt him into a state of cozy. Sanji is def a small spoon enjoyer btw, doesn't matter your height, hold him in your arms and kiss his shoulders, and don't let him fool you, he likes it, it just feels embarrassing the first few times because it's new to him.
And for a man who would naturally use so many gender neutral terms of endearments like my love, light of my life, darling, etc. Sanji struggles to find a pet name for you for so long. Instead of picking his favorite Sanji works to see which names give him the best reaction, as easy as it is to fluster him, he likes to return the favor even if he has to work for it.
It takes a while for Sanji to simmer into the relationship and a little longer to really deconstruct some of the internal discomfort and worries about being in a gay relationship but at some point he had an epiphany about how being happy with you, for as long as you'd have him, was worth so much more than anything his brain or anyone else could say or do to him over it.
outline ; “hii, would you be willing to write link click vein x v affectionate/clingy m!reader fluff hcs? thank you so much! ≧◠‿◠≦”
warning(s) ; lightly ooc!vein, but otherwise just fluff!
first thing’s first but vein isn’t particularly put off by your clinginess towards him — hell, as long as you’re not going out of your way to interrupt an important meeting or interfere with his work to get your fill of him, he even encourages you and lets you get away with pretty much whatever you want
you want to sit on his lap in his favourite restaurant and feed him the food he ordered? go right ahead, he’ll even keep one of his arms wrapped around your waist to keep you stable as you do so
you want to cuddle in bed for an extra hour before he heads out to meet with xia fei? best he can do is forty five minutes, but you can bet he’ll be making the very best of every second you have together
determined to make smothering his face and neck with kisses right before you part ways for the day a part of your shared routine? well, promise you’ll forgo any sort of staining or smudging lip product and he’ll be more than happy to go along with it
though, of course, he isn’t above setting you straight and scolding you if you do cross that unspoken line and start actively stopping him from doing his job
because while vein does love you, and loves the attention to shower him with, he does still have an image to maintain and assets to protect… though he is much softer with how he approaches you with his grievances than he would be with anyone else (i.e. he would never raise his hand against you as his lover — he’s a criminal, not a monster — and he is mindful enough of the language he uses to some degree) so take some comfort from that
synopsis: After the Volterra incident, Edward believes everything can return to normal, but what if Bella had moved on like he insisted? What if now it’s her who breaks things off?
Second Chance at Love
REQUEST: A new boy comes into town after Edward’s departure and manages to make Bella feel better.
EDWARD CULLEN
Male Reader
You're Edward?! , Part 2 and Part 3
synopsis: When Bella told m/n about the weird kid in her biology class that wouldn’t stop glaring at her, he took matters into his own hands. Traveling all the way to Forks, what m/n didn’t anticipate was for this weird kid to be hellishly handsome and very much single.
Touch Starved
synopsis: You were touch starved and didn’t mind it. However, not everybody was fine with it. Your mate found it frustrating, especially when this distance caused rumors to swirl.
Brooding Edward
synopsis: You don’t know when your dislike of Edward turned into adoration, but you did know that you didn’t like how close he was getting with the human, Isabella Swan.
EMMETT CULLEN
Gender Neutral Reader
Up You Go
REQUEST: I was wondering if you could write an Emmett Cullen fic? I love his character so much<3 I don’t really have anything in mind for the fic…
CARLISLE CULLEN
Male Reader
Not Going To Change, Honey and Part Two
synopsis: Carlisle Cullen encounters his mate during his stay with the Volturi. However, his mate is noted as being one of the more 'evil' guard members, yet Carlisle can't help but see deeper and fall for it. The reader isn't so keen on this.
JACOB BLACK
Gender Neutral Reader
Spin the Bottle
REQUEST: Playing spin the bottle with the wolves.
ALEC VOLTURI
Gender Neutral Reader
What's Wrong With A Little Decapitation?
REQUEST: i wanst sure if your reqs were opened or not, but if it isn’t, please ignore!! could I req something with alec voltusi (gn reader) please…? have a great day/night!!
ROSALIE HALE
Male Reader
Ultimatum
synopsis: M/n Swan, now Cullen, doesn’t care if he is breaking his wife’s heart, but watching how his sister is dying with Rosalie encouraging it makes m/n rethink their marriage. He’ll be damned if he stays silent and becomes an accomplice to this murder.
Humanity
synopsis: What if Rosalie had been accompanied when Royce attacked her? What if her lover got turned into a vampire, and believed it was for the best to break up with Rosalie due to his new status?
JASPER WHITLOCK
Male Reader
Gender Neutral Reader
Operation Totally (Not) Cheating
synopsis: Planning a surprise for anybody is stressful—add that they're a vampire and can feel the anxiousness coming off you—it's impossible. Yet, you will not go down without trying; even if it does seem like you're cheating on your mate.
Height Difference
REQUEST: Haii! I would like to request Jasper hale with gender neutral! Reader who’s a lot smaller than him by A LOT, fluff?
CHARLIE SWAN
Male Reader
Age Ain't Nothing But A Number
synopsis: Okay, so your crush on Chief Swan wasn't that much of a secret, but can people blame you? He was a dilf, a dick on a stick that you would love nothing more than to bounce on. So when it's your family's high school graduation, it gives you the perfect opportunity to make a move.
Gender Neutral Reader
Day Before The Wedding
synopsis: You invited Renee to your wedding out of curtsy. She was Bella's mother and Charlie's ex-wife, but things never go as planned when Renee feels uncomfortable.
NO LOVE INTEREST
Gender Neutral Reader
Oh, Come on! I'm Just Stating the Obvious and Part 2 and Part 3
synopsis: You don't have a filter, which is a good thing (yeah, fuck whoever disagrees) which means that you make your dislike for Bella Swan apparent. It's not because she's mean, quite the opposite, but because you find her survival instincts to be nonexistent.
male reader/you | 2nd POV | ghost + simon used | hcs and tidbits
this is extremely self indulgent and probably too specific but figured i'd post regardless;
more often than not coming off as cold and sarcastic if not just straight out a dick, but its something simon likes about you, the bluntness, the way the words come out of you before you can even think to care about their perception, simon likes watching the way you stop and then reform the thought into how it probably should've been said in the first place.
Ghost especially adores the juxtaposition of when you interact with animals and children. He finds it's the only time your smile looks natural on you as you lean down to pet a stray that's found its way onto base, or that one time you allowed a child to show off his toy to you.
Simon thought he'd find himself eventually annoyed with the way your hand digs into him at random times, almost like a subconscious impulse of yours. nails digging into his arm, sometimes just enough to scratch him softly, but most times digging deep enough to leave marks behind. Most days he finds it oddly comforting and satisfying to watch your nails dig into his forearm as your attention lies elsewhere, watching as it grounds you, the both of you honestly. especially if you have painted nails.
For the longest time he found it odd the way you'd stare at him, it used to piss him off honestly. Until you started listening to the voice in your head that wondered what i'd be like to touch the skull on his balaclava. these days he just sighs and settles into his chair so you can sit/straddle his lap while running your fingers on the grooves of the skull. He even found himself oddly flustered that one time you told him his eyes complemented the skull. he found himself bothered that it effected him so much, what kind of guy says shit like that?? ghost, simon even, knows and acknowledges he's a weird guy, but sometimes you say something so out of left field he finds himself unsure if he should be locking his door at night...
but then again, Simon liked that you were just as cagey about him as he was about himself, he fondly remembers the time he overheard soap ask about his birthday and you responded "fuck should i know, that's his business" or that time gaz asked you if ghost had any food allergies that one times he invited the team over for dinner and you responded by claiming you were the one allergic to shellfish rather than admitting it was simon, even if he later told the both of them himself, he appreciated how willing you were to not share things about him, regardless of how minor they may seem
he adored the way you'd manage to keep a straight face as he went on and on with dad jokes, the rest of the 141 at the very least cringing, he finds immense amusement when he manages to get you to roll your eyes at his jokes, its almost better than actually getting a laugh, almost and its half as good when you start finishing his jokes before he can get the punchline out. especially when it comes out frustrated or annoyed, he shouldn't be so giddy about annoying you but the ire in your eyes does something to him, especially when start muttering about how frustrating it is to love someone with his sense of humor, and it always makes him laugh when you call his humor broken.
there was also something about the way you seemed to show less skin than him, despite wearing a balaclava and gloves, seeing your forearms left him feeling like victorian man seeing an ankle, it felt scandalous and borderline thrilling, even if he'd seen you naked/near naked before there was something excited about watching you roll your sleeves up, especially that one time you were playing billiards with gaz at some bar
ghost likes that while everyone thinks he's down right scary, everyone thinks you're cruel and cold, he likes that your combined "synergy" so to speak, preventing strangers from coming up to the two of you. he finds it immensely amusing compared to the way gaz and soap seem to attract strangers and friends left and right.
outline ; “Alright then miss ferry woman may I ask for some fluff hc for toga himiko (mha) featuring a male reader please
And before I forget *gently hands over 2🪙's* may your time tending to the dead be peaceful”
warning(s) ; none, just fluff!
himiko toga isn’t a girl who does things in part, she’s the sort who commits wholeheartedly to whatever or whoever holds her interest in the moment (even to her own deteriment), and as her boyfriend you get to witness her obsessive devotion firsthand — which is, admittedly, a bit unsettling until you get used to it
she loves loves loves matching with you and will go so far as to walk home, change her outfit, and walk back to wherever you are just so she can match with you properly for your dates. matching accessories (like bag and phone charms) as well as matching phone-stuff (wallpapers, profile pictures and bios, etc.) are also non-negotiable — and don’t try to fight her on this because you will lose
she loves the taste of your blood the absolute most and comes to you regularly for more — she doesn’t even use it to copy you most of the time, she’ll just come up and bite you like it’s the most normal thing in the world just to taste a bit of your blood before settling down and cuddling you like a normal person
(of course she does still copy you sometimes… only when she misses you, though… or when she really wants to hear your voice but you’re both too busy to arrange anything)
very very tactile and has no qualms or shame about jumping into your arms or hanging off of you in public or in private — much to the dismay of her fellow l.o.v. members… not that she pays them any mind about it (she just insists that they’re jealous of you both, even if shigaraki is very clear that that’s the exact opposite of what’s happening)
very giggly kisser and a chronic lip chaser. do not kiss her if you have anywhere you need to be in the next hour or two because she will not be letting you go until she’s had her fill
Buck agreed to bake pastries for the bake sale. Everyone is selling baked goods outside of the fire station for charity. Buck is standing by the table selling the pastries he baked, he is smiling because are telling him that they taste good. He doesn't move and he looks around then someone catches his attention. Buck stared at the person standing by Hen and Chimney. Buck looked away when he noticted the person looking at him. Buck pretends to lol at his phone but the person has already talked to him.
“Hi, my name is Buck” Buck said
“Nice to meet you, Buck. My name is Y/N” You said
“I baked all of this,” Buck said proudly
“Wow,impressvie. All of it looks so good,” You said
He starts to point while naming each one.
“Cream Puff, Éclair, chocolate chip cookies, then there is strawberry shortcake puffs,” Buck said
“You really baked all of this?” You asked
“Yeah, I like to bake and it's for a good cause. I know you will like it,” Buck smiled
You picked the ones you want and paid for it. But Buck gives you a free pastry
“You don't have to,” You said
“I do. Try it,” Buck smiled
“Okay,” You said
You eat the pastry and he is waiting for your response.
“Oh my god, this tastes so good,” You said
“I knew you would like it. If you want I can bake more for you and maybe… dinner sometimes?” Buck said
“Smooth, free pastry then dinner,” You smiled
Buck smiled back at you. You give him your phone number then he sends you a text. You paid for the pastry then you had to leave and he couldn't stop smiling then Eddie walked up to him.
“I saw what happened. So going on a date?” Eddie said
“Yeah, I’m going on a date with Y/N,” Buck said
Minutes later you sent him a text. Then he texted you when the date is and where, then he showed it to Eddie.
“That’s great. finally, you are putting yourself out there. So is this a hookup or?” Eddie said
“I actually want to get to know, Y/N. And Y/N actually liked my pastries, so that is a plus,” Buck said
“Nice. Where are you taking Y/N for the first date?” Eddie said
“Dinner but I'm still thinking what will happen after that,” Buck said
Eddie starts to talk about ideas and Buck listens
Since the first date, you and Buck started to see each other more often. Buck rented an Airbnb in Southern California It's the first trip you and Buck go away together and he couldn't resist booking the trip. You and a buck arrive at the farm to pick apples and just spend time together at the farm. While walking with the wagon, he is holding your hand.
“I always wanted to do this with someone while dating,” Buck said
“Now you can cross it off your list,” You said
Buck smiled and nodded. While walking you two find the perfect tree, then started grab apples from the lower branch. Buck took a picture of you then he showed you the picture, then you kissed him on the lips. He smiled then he kissed you back then you and Buck started again to pick apples. After a while of picking apples, you and Buck took a selfie by the tree and the wagon behind
“Sending the pictures to your sister?” You asked
“Yeah, before I left for the airport she told me to send her pictures,” Buck said
“Oh, send me that picture I like it,” You said
“Yeah. Tonight I’m cooking for you” Buck said
“Now, I'm liking when you cook you let me try it,” You said
You and Buck smiled then laughed. He starts to kiss you and you are against the tree. You have your arms around his body then he starts to kiss your neck then your lips again.
After getting apples, you and Buck went to explore the rest of the farm. You and Buck go inside the maze then get lost, but you two are still having fun. Eventually, found the exit and then walked towards the small area to feed the small animals.
“I haven't done this in a long time,” Buck said
“Me either but this is still fun,” You said
You stand up then Buck started to laugh, he quickly took a picture of you.
“What's funny?” You asked
“Apparently, you didn't give him food and he took revenge on the shirt I bought for you last week,” Buck laughed
You are confused then you turned around, a goat was chewing on your shirt. Buck still laughed and you moved away, the goat followed you. Buck still laughed then you gave the food to the goat.
“Not funny,” You said
“Yeah, it is funny and you know it Y/N,” Buck said
“A little bit funny,” You said
He put his arm around your waist while you two walked to buy food. While looking around, you and Buck grabbed souvenirs then fresh apple donuts, a slice of apple pie, and drinks. You and Buck found an empty table and sat there and he sat across from you
“I’m enjoying our first trip together,” You said
“Me too, Y/N,” Buck smiled
He leans over to kiss you on the lips. You and Buck are enjoying the fresh apple donuts together.
Once back at the Airbnb, you and Buck relaxed for a little bit. After dinner, Buck is teaching you how to bake an apple pie. He showed you how to cut the apples and add the seasoning.
“You are doing good so far for your first time,” Buck said
“Really?” You asked
He nodded then kissed your cheek.
“I mean it. It took me a few tries before I made the perfect pie,” Buck said
He put the pie in the oven. Buck showed you the pictures of the pasty he baked in the past
“Wow, all of them look amazing, Buck,” You said
“Thanks. I didn't post them online,” Buck said
“I think you should if you want that. People will like it and you are a cute talented baker,” You said
Buck blushed and smiled. He put his arms around you and pulled you closer then he kissed you.
“I think I will post the pictures online,” Buck smiled
You kissed him then you two smiled at each other. The pie is done and he took a picture of it then he showed you how to cut it, and then he fed you a piece.
“Taste really good,” You said
Buck ate a piece and he nodded.
“It does. See, babe I told you the pie would come out tasting good,” Buck smiled
You and Buck ate more pie than you cuddled on the couch with him. During the movie, you and Buck fell asleep. You woke up yawning then he woke up stretching his arms then yawned
“What happened in the ending?” You yawned
“It was a good movie,” Buck yawned
“You fell asleep, Buck” You giggled
“What? No, I didn't fall asleep” Buck lied
“Relax, I’m not mad. I fell asleep and I thought you were awake,” You said
“Nope, I fell asleep” Buck smiled
You played the movie again, but you and Buck searched online for spoilers of the movie. Then you and Buck started to talk about the movie and how the ending could have been better.
Tags: fluff, friendship (maybe more, maybe not), slice of life
Word count: 5.2k
a/n: honestly, I don't know how else to explain it. I've always wanted to write something out of this fic's main premise, but the execution will have to speak for itself. it's just a short fluff fic, so here we go...
Velvet's Café had just opened four weeks ago, and business has been what one would expect, except tonight. It was only a street away from the nearest university, Seoul State, where some of its students and sometimes staff would either hang out and order something or make a stop to have a cup of iced americano, a latte, or some pastries to go.
“Kamsahamnida. Masitge deuseyo!” has been Kim Doyun’s usual farewell as they either walk into their tables or exit through doors with their takeouts. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken the job. But he needed something to make some money from, and what better way of doing it than accepting an offer from his first cousin’s expanding business. Perhaps he shouldn’t have accepted this as early as the second semester of freshman year. He could have spent nights like these hanging out with his friends after classes, instead of always going out on weekends, torn between exploring his young adulthood and staying home with his family while they talked about what was going on in the news or variety shows.
The moon was now hovering in the sky. It was the peaceful silence of nights like these that once convinced him to accept this shift, but now, he wasn’t so sure. Not even his phone was there to save his boredom. It was about 9:50 at night, and the only thing keeping him going at this point was the consideration of resigning, that was if his plea to change shifts to an earlier schedule was not possible. He was still a freshman, after all. He should not have been working his ass off this hard. Either way, the clock kept ticking and his foot was tapping on the floor to it, wishing he could start cleaning up instead of waiting for a single customer who might never come. He had to take in the fact, their café was still a small fish, perhaps the smallest one in a larger river dominated by hungry, hungry coffeehouse chains.
Within five seconds, Doyun felt the shivers trickling in his spine, the sharp and chilling sensation only made him clench his hands and consider turning the air conditioner off. Start taking off the leftovers. No one’s coming, he told himself as he lifted his right leg, with his right hand tugging into his apron. Just do it. Take it off and clean the place up.
That was until someone had triggered the café bells as they entered the saloon door. A woman, perhaps a student or a resident around Duyeon’s age. “Annyeonghaseyo.” His greeting wasn’t as lively as it was when he first worked, but it has been embedded into his brain that he could not go on without proper greeting, despite the fact that he was supposed to close pretty soon. Nevertheless, a customer’s a customer, he justified.
If there were any other workmates available at this hour, they probably would have told them off, yet for some reason, he just welcomed her inside because he knew he did not have the spine to do such a thing. Must be the naive or gentleman side in him, or both.
The woman simply gave a slight bow before proceeding to the pastry counter. She looks nice, his mind immediately babbled, noticing the small mole below the left side of her lips. Not that it mattered, but he has served people that caught his attention or stunned him while they ordered, but it was her unique high-pitched voice that caught this young barista off-guard once she opened her mouth. “Jogiyo. May I take some pastries to go?”
He almost shook his head in front of her while hearing her say this multiple times, but he also paid attention to where her fingers were pointing. “Oh—of, course... Do you not want a, uh, a drink to go to as well?” Was he feeling lightheaded? Was he also mistaken that her finger was pointing to basically all of the leftovers? He’s no stranger to mixing up orders, but he hasn’t gotten one wrong considering he repeats orders by the end.
“Can I?” It seemed like she didn’t just want the pastries. “I thought you’re closing in about ten minutes?” But the longer she talked, the more it made things clear for him. That’s just her voice, and it somehow enlivened him. “That’s what the sign says outside.” Made him more enthusiastic, like he was trained to behave as far as during his first shift.
“Yeah, but it’s okay, miss… If you want to order something, I can make it in time.”
“Oh… Okay then…” The woman quickly looked through the small menu right in front of her, not taking much more of his time. “Would an iced matcha latte be fine with you?”
“Ne,” he told her with a rapid nod. “What size would you like?”
“Just a medium cup will be fine,” she answered, maintaining her polite smile to him.
He completed the list, getting a grip on himself since it was practically just two sets of order from her. “Okay, I’ll just repeat your order. You want all of these pastries, and a medium cup of matcha latte.” This would’ve been less awkward with a lot more noise.
“Ne,” she simply answered before pursing her lips while slowly looking around the cafe.
He proceeded to process the overall payment on the cashier. His awkwardness in the air couldn’t even be more apparent, but the woman had sensed his discomfort and fixation moments ago. She had to warm up the tension for both their sakes, mostly for herself.
“It’s the voice, isn’t it?” she broke the ice of silence, her innocent eyes darting at him.
His eyes widened, like a rubber band being stretched to its limits. Caught. “Pardon?”
“You’re weirded out by my voice,” she addressed the elephant in the room, albeit with the harshest assumption she thought. “I sound like a child or I inhaled some helium.”
His heart was immediately flowing with guilt, but it gave him a push to defend himself. “Aniyo, aniyo!” Perhaps he should’ve been more courteous when she entered. But that would have been just us patronizing. It was pointless to argue with himself when she’s basically read his initial impressions of her. If he was not as unenthusiastic earlier, he would’ve greeted her just like anyone else. “That’s not the case, but I, ummm, I didn’t mean to make things awkward, miss.”
“Gwenchanayo.” He didn’t say or think anything yet aside from apologizing, but she immediately assured him. “It’s not the first time I’d heard of those things… I’ve kinda gotten used to it, that I assumed it’s—Dwaesseo.” She realized that the man’s neither a therapist or councilor, though his ears remained attentive. “How much is the payment?”
“Ah, yeah…” He informed her of the price, to which she pulled out her wallet. After their almost complete disastrous transaction, the barista handed her the receipt and made his last drink of the night while she sat on the chair nearest to the counter. He would’ve still been frozen by his small mess, but thankfully, she was on her phone. It seemed like she wasn’t as bothered by his reaction, but caution still kept his mind guarded while he got the ingredients and equipment to make the drink, putting his gathering of the pastries to a pause. Doyun would have gotten the bamboo whisk from the cabinet and made himself look fancier, but he didn’t want to take too much of the woman’s time.
Using the second best procedure he learned, he had to blend the matcha powder and hot water from the dispenser into a blender for thirty seconds. With something that he usually does in five minutes, Doyun was able to get it into the ice-filled cup within four, pouring in coconut milk on top. Closing the cup with the lip, the remaining minute was spent on reheating the pastries into the microwave. Unknown to him, the woman’s eyes had already shifted right at him. She was unsure whether to be concerned or impressed, but the limited time was enough for the barista to do his final order, whether for tonight or a long while, if he chose to step down after this shift.
As soon as a loud ring came from the microwave, the woman got up from her seat and walked into the counter. Doyun’s peripherals expected her movement. “It’s.”
“I don’t think your voice is weird,” he had to affirm to her. “I was just surprised when you first spoke, that’s all. It’s really unique. It is kind of feel-good, soothing in a way. And sounding like someone on helium without the need to do so sounds pretty cool… But that’s just my opinion.”
Sensing her lips slowly curve upwards, she opened her mouth with regards. “Ahhh…” She wanted to thank him, but a fraction of her pride held her lips shut.
“And I don’t mean that in a bad way,” he quickly added. “I mean feel-good like ASMR or that Lofi Girl if she had a voice. But actually, I was more surprised with you ordering all of the leftovers. You ended up pointing your fingers at all of the pastries, I wasn’t sure if I got your order right.” He had also meant to say cute, charming or adorable, but he kept himself from slipping words that might’ve gotten him in trouble. They’re both strangers.
The woman chuckled, shaking her head while his words had already gotten through her, making her feel more at ease. “It’s okay, you got it right. That’s my bad… From outside, I didn’t know half of them were already gone… I don’t want the rest of ‘em to go to waste.”
“We actually give most of our leftovers to shelters or deliver them to their suppliers by morning, so none of them would’ve been wasted regardless…” he informed her.
“Oh, really?” His clarification brightened her spirits up. “That’s a relief, then… I’ll still be taking all of it.” And yet, she was also unashamed of her own gourmand-driven decision.
“Sure thing…” He couldn’t hold in his chuckle, getting the tongs from the counter. “Believe it or not, it's actually nice to have the counter be cleared for one tonight.”
“Have there not been many customers here?” she wondered. His words weirdly felt like an insult that even she felt some guilt for not visiting this place sooner, given her desire to explore more new and fresh places around or outside the university campus.
“We’ve only been open for a month, so we’ve only been getting the most customers in the morning until afternoon… When it’s night, well,” he raised and extended his left hand into the empty seats and tables. “The place basically becomes a ghost town.”
“Seems like a really cozy place, though…” She admitted, though not in a pouty way, just more encouraging. “More people should come here whenever they just wanna study, or just hang out with their close buds. Or meet new folks… Especially even when it’s late.”
“With Ediya and Starbucks being a long staple around these parts?” He didn’t want to scoff nor make himself sound like he was doubting his own cousin’s business. “Well, I don’t know about that, but thanks for the compliment.” He could be both realistic and appreciative at the same time.
“Your menu has a lot of cheaper prices, so that’s one upper hand you have. And another, you guys are new, so there’s still a lot of room for discoverability.” He knew she brought up valid points, to his surprise. “In terms of the quality, well, I’ll be the judge of that.”
“Then I can resign if it won’t be satisfactory.” The woman’s eyes widened at his bet, but they ended up both laughing at their playful exchange as soon as she realized. He was confident about his craft, and oddly enough, she had trust in his earnest concoction, having witnessed his continual bursts of compliance and dedication from her seat.
“Would be nice to have this place open a little later, like around midnight,” she added, subconsciously pouting out of instinct while she took another scan of the cafe, a gaze that he followed. “If that’s something you considered, at least. It’s just a suggestion.”
“And if you want, I can give that suggestion to our manager... We’re related, actually.” Doyun didn’t have to say it, but he had to come up with something to stop his pauses. “She’ll probably hire a few more staff for it, but it’s not much of a problem when she’s already running her own bakery.”
“Oooooh…” Nevertheless, she was intrigued by openness, especially the last part. “Well, I’d like that… More people definitely would, if they get a chance to hang out somewhere at night. Staying inside our dorms tends to get boring, too… And not everyone’s a party animal.”
A small window to her routine gave him some clue about her. “You go to Seoul State?”
“I do,” she nodded at a moderate pace. “Just this year.”
His guess was right, after all, making him snicker. “Oh, same. I’m a freshman too.”
Her smile widened into a beam. It’s like she just met a new friend. “You’re kidding?” It didn’t even cross her mind, but it also made sense to her. “What major are you from?”
The shivers in his spine began to warm up. “I’m taking Marketing. How about you?”
“Mass Communication,” she simply answered.
“I see… That must be why you’re pretty honest and easy-going.”
His words sounded more sincere than flattering. “I don’t know. That’s just how I grew up… Decided it’d be convenient if they go hand-in-hand while I sort things out…” But she didn’t want to talk too much about her major. “And, uhh, Marketing, huh? Is that why you’re so good as a barista? You know your way into making caffeinated drinks… Hyping up and connecting with people while making their drinks.”
To him, she actually sounded more of a natural sweet talker than he tried to be.“It’s just a gig… Admittedly I’ve always been drinking coffee since high school… So maybe that’s why I got into it.”
“Too much caffeine isn’t good for you, you know?” she giggled.
He let out a sigh. “Yeah, I learned it the hard way," but it’s not just that... I thought cafés are pretty special places to be in. At least before things get busier eventually, I just think that’s the beauty of places like this. Some may call me a people pleaser, but even then, my job is pretty much just making them coffee by the end of the night, right? If someone like me gets too nosy and annoying for customers, then maybe we’ll just be replaced by those unmanned cafés everyone’s been going crazy for nowadays.”
His moment of vulnerability somewhat touched her. “Hmm… I know some folks like unmanned cafés, and I admit, I kinda get the appeal too, but I’d love and prefer if we have more willing and passionate baristas looking after their customers. Everything would be much less soulless. And there's nothing annoying with that… I don’t think machines can ever give a simple compliment or just be considerate, the way you do.”
He didn’t have much to add. “That’s, umm… That’s a considerate thing to say. Thanks.”
“That’s just my opinion,” she giggled, avoiding his gaze as she mirrored his words.
“Well, it’s one we sometimes need to hear.” Maybe even more than sometimes.
They remained standing in place, their smiles not resting at this renewed atmosphere they were able to accumulate just within minutes. For a moment, they forgot to realize they were just a barista and customer, until Doyun looked back at the packed pastry to his left, just lying on the table. The thought of it getting colder with every second made him panic for the quality of the food.
“Oh, right!” He carried the paper bag from his side onto the front of the counter. “Here are your pastries,” Followed by her drink. “...And your one medium iced matcha latte.”
With a soft bow, the woman picked up her takeouts from the barista, the warm bag on the left and her cold drink on the right. “Kamsahamnida.” Despite her polite gratitude, however, her legs have yet to move to the door.
Amidst their silence, Doyun noticed the current time on the clock. 10:15. “Omo, omo… I’m sorry for taking more of your time, miss!”
“No, no, don’t be,” she told him, even shaking her head just to convince him. “Don’t worry about the time… If it gets cold, I can just use my oven back at my dorm.”
Both his eyebrows raised in fascination. “You have an oven at your dorm?”
She couldn’t help but form a coy smile, yet she’s not embarrassed. “Just a small one.”
“Oh… Majayo,” he chuckled, in disbelief at himself for thinking of something more extreme. “That makes sense.” Even a large oven would not be surprising nowadays.
“Yeah… And by the way, do you have Instagram?” she asked him out of the blue.
“What?” He almost stuttered, still processing what she meant.
“The café, I mean,” she clarified. “Or any social account you may have.”
“I—ah…” He scanned the counter. Despite some pressure fueling him, he was briefed about this certain situation before by his cousin. He just never expected it to actually play out in person. “Oh, um, here it is.” His hand reached for a small laminated sign containing their social media accounts, as well as their various payment methods.
Placing both takeouts on the floor for a second, she held the sign with her left hand, typing the socials on her phone on her right as quickly as she could. “Seems like you didn’t know the café had an account.”
“I’m not the one handling it,” he explained. “So I don’t really have much of a clue what’s going on there. But whenever there’s something new to the menu, I’m sure it’ll be there.”
“That makes sense…” She slid her phone down on her pocket, before picking up her food and drink with both hands. “And I, uhh, I’ll stay tuned to that.”
Doyun immediately exited the counter the second she walked towards the entrance, getting there first so he could open the nearest sliding door for her. “I’ll get the door for you.”
“Oh…” It made him stop her tracks, but she didn’t want to keep him waiting or tire his arm out either. “Kamsahamnida,” she murmured while hurrying outside the door.
“You sure you don’t need any help with that?” he asked, extending his arm on the door.
Despite reaching the outdoors, she couldn't take her eyes off his arms and face. “Gwenchanayo… I can handle these. Appreciate it, though!” For the first time, something within herself was forcing her to start marching away. “But, umm… Kalkeyo!”
“Annyeonghi gaseyo…” he bowed and waved to her from a distance, before adding, “Masitge deuseyo!”
The whole afternoon he was sulking by himself, wishing himself out of this position of dealing with mundane tasks, he failed to realize what could still be special about it, all thanks to one late conversation with this delightful stranger. Still, the exhaustion this barista has gone through the whole month made him reconsider if being a barista at freshman year was the ideal extracurricular for him. Hence, he took a few days off.
= = =
Two days had passed and it was Thursday night. Doyun was already on his bed, about to close his eyes, when he got a call from his older cousin. A video call too, to his confusion. He could’ve pressed the reject button if he wanted, but she’s also his employer, and the possibility of getting another earful from her in person only made him answer the call, letting out a deep sigh and bracing himself for whatever she might spill around 09:20.
“Doyun-ah!” He had to lower his volume five bars, hearing her rejoice right into his ear. “I owe you a lot, kid… You've done a great job.”
He scratched his head, finding himself in a situation like Go Minsi receiving her award. “Uh, thanks, but about what exactly, Yerim-noona?”
“More customers came in person to your branch in Seoul State,” the older woman cheered. “And our bakery here in Seongdong-gu! Delivery’s always convenient for customers, but you got to understand, we here could only handle so much.”
Was he still dreaming? “How’d that happen?” A growth like this was almost sudden, but not necessarily unwelcomed for business, considering her main bakery’s already steady success, as if her still being there at this hour wasn’t enough to stress her dedication.
“You tell me. There’s this account on Instagram…” She sent him the link. “They might not have millions of followers, but to us, they’re kind of an icon for their post two days ago. Got us not just more followers, but we’re getting a lot of actual in-person orders.”
The username: ppangppanggo_0406. It’s a foodie account rather than a personal one. An account with 9,923 followers, not including himself, was only a year old. Their latest post was only posted two days ago, yet it gained more likes than her own follower count, more than a quarter of the university’s population. He did not have to look further. The entrance of the building. The date and time it was taken. All eight assorted pastries he took out of the counter. The iced matcha latte he made under pressure. The caption contained scores, ranging from 4.5 to 5 alongside brief assessments.
Within a few seconds, Doyun realized that only one person could have definitely taken these photos. Exhaling with a snicker, the young woman had become more of a mystery to Doyun, but nevertheless, he now has her to be grateful for. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to remind him he was appreciated. That it’s worth it.
“Huh… Wow… That’s pretty, wow… But why didn’t you think of that in the first place?” He teased her cousin, covering his own jittering brought by this accomplishment from being too obvious. He was a mere barista who took her offer because of making a quick buck, but he knew his cousin deserved this increasing growth and more.
“I was busy with our main branch, so I was hoping you could handle the accounts. If not, make more on others… I can give you the pass—” Her face of rejoice slowly turned into suspicion. “Jamkkanman, are you not following our socials? Doyun-ah?”
He sensed she would question him right there and there, so he got his fingers to work in a flash while his head hovered above the phone camera. “Iiiiiiiiiiiii just followed it now.”
Yerim hissed from her side of the call, her eyes darting at him with terror just right after seeing a familiar account follow the café’s account. “Waaaahhh, jinjja, Kim Doyun-ah! I ought to—Kid, this is not what I’m paying you to do, come on.”
“Mianhae, noona…” He held in his laughter. “I’ll take care of the accounts, if you want… But maybe I could ask for a slight change in our condition?”
Looking at the camera, his question made her pay full attention to him. “What is it?”
= = =
Friday. For him, classes ended in the afternoon, although his shift had a little change in schedule. The clock reached 10:30, and yet the café remained open. Not to mention the customers chilling on most of the tables, combined with people ordering their drinks to go. The café has gotten him a new cashier as a partner for this shift, thankfully a friend.
The sign of Velvet’s Café outside has extended its closing time during weekends, from the old 10:00 P.M. into the new 1:30 A.M., though nothing was final. It was still a trial period by this time, approved by none other than his cousin and the café's head founder, Kim Yerim. The scale and aesthetic of the café has lived to its true potential.
Even as late as this hour, groups of friends or couples would still find the time to order and sit down on wooden chairs, chilling as if they’re in a lounge, taking sips of their tea and coffee, with some having their desserts under the calming atmosphere, complemented by the lo-fi music played by the place’s newly installed speaker. Some of them would argue about the cultural impact of KPop Demon Hunters. Some would steal kisses from each other. Some focus on working on their laptops with their headphones.
If this lively yet cozy night couldn’t have made him more motivated in his job, the next group of customers to enter the café would make Doyun freeze in front of the cashier. His workmate scratched his head from his left, shaking his head and scoffing before heading straight back into the kitchen to substitute for Doyun’s tasks.
“You’re here again.” Her voice sounded even more angelic since the first time he heard. “I mean, it’s your shift again.” The woman had two friends walking behind her, looking at him with curiosity, yet it appeared as if they were expecting his particular presence.
“I had class throughout the last few days, but yeah… I’m back for the weekend.” At the same moment, he didn’t want to let the elephant leave the room. Not her voice. Or her bluntness. Not literally, anyways. But her voice gave him a wake-up call. “So, it’s you… Ppangppango?”
Her eyes briefly closed while her smile widened. “Yeah… I’m not too open about that, though. It’s just a little hobby of mine.”
“Well, your ‘hobby’ kinda gave our café a huge boost, you know?” he crossed his arms, trying and failing to maintain a professional tone, despite his eagerness to thank her.
“I didn’t do much,” she humbly countered. “Your products spoke for themselves. I just gave an honest review because well… They’re really amazing.”
“I–uh, kinda owe you on that one.” He sounded more vulnerable with his delivery.
The woman’s eyes widened, and yet, she felt comfort in his words. “Glad I can help.”
But despite this warm moment, Doyun had to keep up his professionalism as a barista when he noticed how merrily humorous the woman’s friends were acting behind her. He quickly cleared his throat. “So… what will you be ordering tonight, miss?”
“Miss?” the woman’s taller friend repeated, a teasing smile and gaze slowly forming as she gave her shoulder a little bump, signaling something only they were aware of. “He’s really calling you Miss?” the brown-haired friend murmured with a giggle.
The woman simply shook her head, immediately bending her smile into a slight frown. “Hayeon-ah. Are you girls gonna order or will tonight be your treat?” While remaining somewhat playful, her cadence hushed them, as if she was disciplining them like kids.
“Unnie!” Hayeon whined, but she knew this was a public space. “Arasseo, arasseo… I didn’t even say anything about him.” She shifted her attention to him. “But I will have… An iced mocha cappuccino. Medium cup... And maybe Chaewon-ah might catch up with us later. She’ll probably want one of these strawberry trifles.”
“So you can just take a bite out of it?” Shion sneered. “What will Chae think of that?”
“It might be her favorite, but we know she’s gonna be able to eat them all, anyways,” Hayeon shrugged. “A little nibble won’t hurt… I’ll give you a slice too, if you want.”
“Fine… Please add those to the orders,” she told the barista before facing her tall friend. “How about you, Lynn-chan?”
“Hmmm…” The taller woman looked through the glass, somewhat mirroring her friend’s habit that same night. I’ll have three buns of curry bread, three pieces of those cookies, and one medium cup of winter melon milk tea…” Lynn quickly took out a bill from her pocket to give to the woman, confounding her. “And here’s my part of the payment.”
With his mannerly nods, Doyun listed down and repeated her friends’ orders, and even though this task wasn’t assigned to him, his partner had already accepted he was stuck there until the end. The woman tried to reject Lynn’s cash, but the latter and Hayeon saw themselves to find a table, leaving her alone with him. “Okay. How about you—”
“Sion,” she interrupted, handing out her payment with a welcoming, friendlier gaze. She did not need to hear the total price, but she just wanted to unveil her own name, instead of just hearing ‘miss’ once more. “My name is Shion. And I’ll have a medium hot matcha latte… And a slice of chocolate cake.”
“Ah, right…” While processing the payment to her, he let his mouth talk. “Call me if you need anything else, Shion-ssi.” To the point where he couldn’t filter out and process his own words. “I mean we have a pager that you can use from your table, if you want to add something later… Or if you want… You can also call me by my name. Doyun.”
She expressed her amusement by exhaling through her nose as she received both her receipt and the pager from him. “Will do, Doyun-ssi... Gomapseumnida.” A quick and simple touch of their fingers made the barista feel not a spark, but more of a flutter in his chest, and still, he was too occupied with his job to even process such a feeling while the lady joined her friends at their table, with him being unaware that her face quickly shrank into embarrassment as they waved their arms and invited her with laughter.
He relayed the orders to his partner from the kitchen, who immediately prepared the ingredients for the drinks of the three. While there was yet another customer, Doyun picked up the tongs next to the pastry counter, which he slid open with more energy.
“Seems like you two are close,” his partner noticed as he placed a tray on the counter.
He straightened his posture. “Not at all… I just met her recently.” He turned to him, figuring out his assumption. “What makes you say that, Juho-yah?”
“Well, geunyang.” That wasn't enough of an answer, but the smirk in his face said it all. “She seems interested in you.”
His eyes squinted, his one eyebrow higher than the other. “How?”
Juho nudged his arm playfully. “Just an honest observation, dude… Besides, you took over the cashier instead of passing it to me, being my responsibility, so…”
“Huh… Did I, now?” He broke his own awkwardness with a light snicker. “Mianhaeyo.”
“It’s all right,” Juho assured. “Just start making the drinks, bro. I’ll handle the pastries.”
Doyun stole a glance to the women’s table, seeing Shion and her friends complain about their latest midterms project. The moment he looked away to plug in the blender and make the first drink, Shion was listening to Lynn and Hayeon’s critiques about their strict, two-faced professors, when her eyes slowly landed back on Doyun. Her fingers were subconsciously tapping onto the pager on the table, waiting not just for their order, but his attention.
= = =
It ain't much, but I hope you liked it, even though it's the same length as some of my one-shots. maybe I'll make a continuation, because I had scenarios of this played out (lol that's the problem with me). just not too soon, 'cause I'm focusing on writing up shorter fics of this certain length, if not shorter, within a well... short time.
anyways, I'll start working on my next short fic or one-shot asap. thank you for the read, take care, and have a nice day!
Tags: fluff, angst, coming-of-age, (kind of a spoiler, but not really, it's in the title lol) romance
Word count: 23.6k
a/n: okay, back to my non-smut sched. apologies if it took this long. I don't know how I managed to reach this word count. I guess that's a perk of writing offline lol. I'll say more stuff at the end, but if you're gonna read this one, hope you like it.
Cherry blossoms began blooming, as with yellow forsythia. Springtime has arrived in Seoul State University. Copies of announcements have been plastered all over campus, from bulletin boards in department buildings to poles outdoors, if their socials weren’t enough. From ambitious new clubs to established organizations, thousands of students and staff had been working and preparing their projects for this upcoming annual event.
Several months and a semester have passed since Sohyun left the club and the university for her new life in Europe. And yet, the story’s far from over for the Mad Money Club, as they have managed to recruit two new members to join their week-long preparation.
Over the past semester, the same Diamond Dreamers Club that once intimidated them eventually became their new sister club thanks to a few faces familiar to the members.
“Junghoon-ah,” Seoyeon raised her voice. “Help Hyerin and Kaede out with getting used to our rules, will you? They really wanna help organize with the Love Arcade Booth too! That can probably give us some more time to assist the Dreamers after lunchtime.”
—and a couple of new ones who joined their small but not so insignificant league of money-seeking, spending, sharing, and saving students who helped each other out.
“Affirmative, Seoyeon-sunbaenim!” Junghoon complied with a similar volume.
Alongside the neighboring clubs, Mad Money’s two new members already helped them out in their ongoing tasks for this big event. Just like the members before them, they’re also students who also used to feel like they didn't have a place to belong for a long time.
One of the Mad Newbies bowed to him within a swift second. “Good afternoon! Geum… Junghoon-sunbaenim, right?”
“That’s right. Nice meeting you, Jeong Hyerin-nim?” he asked her back. “The foodie?”
“You’re correct,” Hyerin answered energetically. “Quite the memory there, sunbaenim!”
Jeong Hyerin was a freshman at the age of seventeen, making her the youngest or maknae in the club and one of the youngest in the university this year since most freshmen enter at the age of eighteen or nineteen (in Korean age). Yet despite that rare trait, she seems to be the one of the more mature and independent members Mad Money has approved. When Seoyeon interviewed her, the club was amazed by her set of skills and talents. She also can cook like Yubin, a trait she presented when she first went to the club recruiters, and is a foodie herself, like Dahyun and Xinyu. Not to mention her passion for dancing stuns the girls, inspiring them to reach her level when she first demonstrated her flair.
“It's nice meeting you, Hyerin-ssi. I like your enthusiasm in joining the club.”
Junghoon looked beside an enthusiastic Hyerin, also greeting the next new member in anticipation. The only thing was, she was much more silent and quiet than they hoped.
He leaned slightly closer to Hyerin with his voice lowered. “Is she not much of a talker?”
“I’m not sure, sunbae,” she whispered back. “I haven’t gotten to know her that much.”
He approached her again. “Hi there, Yamada Kaede. Can you understand Korean well?”
“Annyeonghaseyo, sunbae,” Kaede retorted. “But why are you in the Mad Money Club?”
She was quite fluent in Korean, but the specificity of her question threw Junghoon off for a moment. Even Hyerin and Dahyun were weirded out by her blatant statement.
“Huh?” Junghoon’s anticipation dropped with his tone. “What do you mean, Kaede-ssi?”
“The club is mostly composed of girls,” she brought up. “At least from that sign I saw at the post. And somehow, you happened to be the only guy with them.” She tilted her head, staring at him with more apparent skepticism. “Why is that, sunbae?”
Meanwhile, Yamada Kaede is an exchange student from Japan. Born in the same year as Yubin, she’s also a sophomore. Yet, despite her appearance giving off the impression by most students that she's a cute and innocent otter who is mostly quiet, she might also just be one of the toughest and most brutally honest members of the club yet. Maybe even more than Seoyeon and Xinyu whenever they get strict or serious with others.
“Well, to answer your question, I'm not an official member of the club… Not anymore.”
His answer confused Hyerin, but it only made Kaede raise more suspicions about him.
“If you’re not a member of the club, then are you loaning money from them?”
“I’m not.” Balancing the line between humility and shame, he admits his place in the club to the freshman. What he believes that is. “Not anymore, but—”
“Don't talk nonsense, Junghoon,” they heard Dahyun’s voice, walking closer to them as she placed her hand on his shoulder. “You are always gonna be a part of our club!” She faced the new member with a wide smile. “And look, Kae-chan… Can I call you that?”
Kaede was intimidated by the senior’s sudden cordial and unbothered approach. In her ears, the term sounded like mocking, but the older woman bore no ill intentions. “No—”
“Okay, Kae-chan,” she continued. “Our Junghoon-ie here used to be our “assistant.” You may even call him an “errand boy,” because that’s what other folks called him back then. But he's become more than that. He’s one of us… And while I understand that you aren’t that close with everyone in our club, I don’t think you should be disrespectful to him.”
“No, it’s okay, noona…” Junghoon politely tapped on Dahyun’s shoulder. “I don’t blame her for asking me that.” He then gave Kaede a respectful look. “Now, Kaede-ssi—I’m not asking you to like me. And to continue my answer: I’m here because a sunbae didn’t just give me a gig, but she also gave me a chance to be more confident and leave my comfort zone, to know people also worthy of respect. Because we helped each other and treated each other as friends. And because you’re also going to be in the same club, I can only hope that we can get along. Even just for the festival.”
Dahyun looked at him with respect and admiration. It’s as if she’s an older sister who’s feeling proud towards a younger sibling for finally standing up for himself to someone. Hyerin looked at him in awe for de-escalating the tension. Silenced by his words, despite him not raising his voice, Kaede felt humbled for what she said and how she behaved.
She bowed at him. “Joesonghamnida, Geum Junghoon-sunbaenim.” She bowed again.
“It’s okay, Kaede-ssi,” Junghoon smiled. He raised both his hands, signaling her to stop bowing. “Don’t apologize too much. I’m just glad our misunderstanding is cleared up.”
While introductions were rough, the orientation went smoothly. In Junghoon’s mind, he thought of his life in the past year, comparing his encounter with the new club members. I’m guessing this is how Sohyun-noona felt about my behavior when she was still here. I hope she’s doing well out in France.
= = =
As Seoyeon had hoped for the new maknaes to help at the Love Arcade, Junghoon volunteered to help the Diamond Dreamers with their own booth for about an hour, which he was too astonished to admit was just as unique as theirs, since it also consisted of various minigames, thanks to the almost vintage video games owned by their leader, Kim Yooyeon. The club had also set up a jewelry making booth as a part of their collab, which required more assistance and materials, but less time, now that it had more than twelve members to look after it. However, their most ambitious planned game was a real-life egg hunt-type of game which they only call the Diamond Challenge.
“Thanks for the assist, Junghoon-ssi,” Nakyoung saluted him playfully with a lighthearted giggle. “You know, Tone-chan was right about you. You should’ve joined us. I bet you would’ve had just as much, if not more fun here.”
He couldn’t help but feel flattered. Maybe even a little more, but that’s not why he’s here. “Don’t mention it, sunbaenim… That’s why we partnered up for this festival, remember? Who knows what can happen? I’m not that limited to my old club.”
“Junghoon-ah!” Xinyu shouted from afar. “If you’re done flirting with our partners over there, help us out with carrying these boxes here, will ya?”
Forming a smile after hearing her remark, Nakyoung looked at Junghoon while they’re still sorting the Mad Money Club's now half-finished booth. “Ka, Junghoon-ssi… I can sort out the rest of these with Yubam and Chaeyeon. Seems like Xinyu-ssi really needs your help with your arcade.”
“Ne!” he nodded at her. “On my way, sunbae!” He rushed to Xinyu in the area of a dozen more unsorted boxes.
“Took you long enough,” she joked. “How was your little chat with Nakyoung?”
“I wasn’t flirting with—” He assured her. He didn't know why. Must be a force of habit.
“I was kidding,” she told him with a straight face. “You think too lowly of yourself. I don't care whatever girl you talk to.”
“It’s not that.” He couldn't help but interject with a nervous chuckle. “It’s just not the case.” Xinyu turned around and took a few steps closer. This is out of nowhere.
Every time they get closer. Every interaction they’ve had. It didn't seem appropriate, just looking at her directly. Her face. Her eyes. Her lips. Seolma. It’s just not possible. She’s beautiful… There’s no doubt about that observation. Almost everyone in this college is heads over heels for her, but no… She’s a campus star… and Sohyun…
“You handled orienting Kaede pretty well, huh,” she nudged his shoulder. “My God, she would’ve looked much scarier if she didn’t look like an adorable otter. That girl is gonna need more of our initiation rituals... Hyerin seems to trust you, so she doesn’t need that. Good job on meeting both of them.”
Junghoon laughed. “Thanks. It’s normal for her to feel that way, so it’s not hard for me to deal with it now. I mean, it’s happened before… Gotta learn from it and live with it.”
His words brought some rather unpleasant impressions to her, making her look down in guilt. It was forever ago, but she definitely couldn't forget how she perceived him when they first met. Such memories of her past self left her with a bad aftertaste. “Right…”
She tried to raise one of the heavier boxes, to no avail. “Oh, let me take that box. It looks heavy.” He took the box from her hands, lifting it from the concrete and pivoting it onto his chest. “Woah, this is heavy,” he chortled, but maintained balance by carrying the box and walking towards the Love Arcade tent.
Xinyu looked at him, uncertain. Concerned. Couldn't even let her hands go off his arms as they flexed under the weight of the boxed materials. “Are you sure? I can handle it—”
“Gwaenchanayo, noona! I can handle it.” He continued to laugh as he walked away from her on his way to the booth. While he could handle the box and balance himself, his walk made him appear like he’s an emperor penguin, waddling across the polar ice caps. The scenario went into Xinyu’s mind that moment, prompting her to laugh by herself before taking another look at Junghoon from afar as he entered their booth tent.
“Thank you, Junghoon-ah…” she hollered to him. “Be careful on your way out!”
At the start of May, Mad Money and Diamond Dreamers partnered up for the upcoming University Festival. Although most of them were not familiar with each other before this campus-wide experience, this event becomes the ultimate opportunity for them to get to be acquainted with one another, among other students, throughout the entire month.
Five of the newer faces from the Diamond Dreamers whom Junghoon had met during the festival collab were its current members: Kim Yooyeon, Koma Mayu, Kim Nakyoung, Kim Chaeyeon, and Lee Jiwoo. Though, with Junghoon being himself, it took a little bit more time for his introverted self to get used to knowing them outside their projects and for that, he often hangs out with one member during their lunch break in the meantime, his close friend: Kamimoto Kotone.
On the first Friday of the month, these two close friends had lunch at a sandwich booth on campus. Taking a seat on a table near the stall, Kotone munched already halfway into her bulgogi sandwich. On the seat in front of her, Junghoon hasn’t touched his gilgeori sandwich in the past two minutes, as his eyes are off somewhere in the far distance. He spotted some members of the Mad Money Club and Diamond Dreamers walking near the fountain. Seems they’re already getting to know each other, he thought. Among the joint clubs, his eyes landed on her. She saw him from his spot. Out of panic, he lowered his head to make it look like he’s bowing to them from a distance. Unable to notice that Dahyun, Chaeyeon, Jiwoo, and Yubin were also bowing to him, he could feel and hear his heartbeat.
Noticing his strange movement, Kotone shook her head. “Are you gonna eat that or what?”
Junghoon looked at his sandwich. “Oh… Right.” He took a big bite of his meal.
“For a second, I thought you’re gonna give me the rest of it,” she snickered.
“Not a chance,” he groaned. “You’re already enjoying your bulgogi toast.”
“Yeah, but I’m almost done with it, you know. I was eating it as any normal person would, unlike someone who’s clearly occupied with doing absolutely nothing.”
“Can’t a guy eat at his own pace?” he whined.
“Says the one who usually eats his meal the fastest,” she retorted. “And that doesn’t change anything just because you’re trying to get on a diet... What’s with you today?”
“I was just thinking about something, that’s all.” He took another, medium-sized bite.
“Hmm, of course you are…” She smirks. “I know that look.”
Junghoon continued to chew before swallowing his bite. “What are you talking about? I’m just eating right now. What other look do I have aside from eating my sandwich?”
“Oh, you know. It's the ‘when you're slowly falling for someone’ kind of look.”
Junghoon chuckled, though it came off as a bit forced. “Falling for who? This sandwich? I mean, it is pretty good, I gotta say. The way they mixed the sauces really complements the crunchiness of the bread and the patty… Wow.”
“No, pabo!” she scolded him. “Not that. Who are you hanging out the most in your thrifty little club? That one. Who you were staring at instead of eating your sandwich.”
“Seoyeon-sunbaenim? Dahyun-noona? Yubin-ssi? Be more specific.”
“Yah! You can’t be serious right now. Stop pretending like she doesn't exist.”
Junghoon remained dodgy. “Who doesn’t exist?” It’s just not working for Tone.
“Xinyu-unnie!” she exclaimed. “It’s like whenever you talk about your club to us, you keep on avoiding any mentions of her when in fact, we often see you walking right next to her, almost every single time!”
“But didn’t I already tell you guys already about—”
“Nien-unnie? Of course, I still remember that. She was your first crush here. Your first date, which, by the way, we helped you prepare for.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “And? Why wasn’t she the name you mentioned.”
She crossed her arms. “I’m just not buying it.”
“I’m not selling you anything.” To Kotone’s ears, Junghoon’s voice started to sound more defensive the more he talked. “I’m just saying that I like Nien and you didn’t even believe or consider that when I told you about her when I was still getting used to the club.”
“I mean, I did believe it. Months ago… There was some chemistry between you two. You were laughing at her jokes or stare at that girl like she’s sparkling whenever we hung out together, but that was like what? Last semester? That infatuation is long gone.”
“So, why do you think anything’s changed after that?” he questioned her straight. “We made up even after our supposed first date happened.”
“Geunyang…” she starts. “Let’s just say that the way you interacted with Nien ended up becoming like anybody else’s…”
“Like what?”
“You’re just casual. Maybe even more platonic than before. I just don’t feel that spark. And oh, yeah… She's dating someone else, and you're not bothered by it that much.” She made it sound as if she had a gotcha moment on him. He continued to take another bite.
“And that’s a bad thing? It feels more like you’re reading too much into us.”
“No, no, of course not. It’s great that you’re becoming friends with all of your clubmates. You’ve come a long way, Jung-ah,” she assures him. “But because your attention shifted into someone else, I don’t need you to play dumb just to realize who I’m talking about.”
He knew Kotone was right. There was no point in beating around the bush. There was no point in denying it. Especially not to one of his closest friends. He sighed in defeat. She snickered.
“You know I can’t…” his voice slowly contrasts her comic tone. “It can’t happen. She and… They were together for more than two years. And I was with them—supporting them while they were together and even after! The fact that I’m even considering it… Doesn't sit right with me.”
Oh… Tone realized what he’s been so hesitant about. But she wasn't just gonna give up.
“Sohyun-sunbaenim has been far away from here for a while now. They broke up a long time ago and that’s a fact you can’t deny. Heck, you didn’t even like Xinyu-unnie when they were still together! Besides, didn’t Sohyun-sunbaenim just reconnect with y’all? Even after the breakup.”
“But… I can’t.” He then looks up to Tone, seeking to reason with her eye to eye. “Even if we don’t take Sohyun-noona into the equation, Xinyu-noona and I are too different to be—you know. It just doesn’t make sense. It’s messed up to think about, even.”
“Different, how? MBTIs? Who cares!”
“What’s that?”
“Personalities? Unnie’s an E. You’re an I. She’s most likely a T and you’re a definite F.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he nodded, getting her point. “But I don’t really care about those.”
“How about body proportions?” she adds. “That one must’ve crossed your mind a lot.”
“Maybe,” he considers that one, making his friend more infuriated. “We are different.”
“So effing what?” she pointed her finger at him. “That shouldn’t bother you either!”
“Well, you’re the one who brought it up. I’m just saying you have a point, Tone-yah.”
“I’m just testing you. How you see yourselves because of your differences,” she justified.
“Like it matters,” he shrugged off. “We’re just different through and through. Even if you didn’t mention the personality tests and our physique types, it wouldn’t matter either. For once, I’m like two years younger than her.”
She let out a snicker, wondering how could something so little bother him? “Ever seen Pretty Noona Who Treats Me to Meals? Dude… that’s like the ultimate answer to your argument. The leads were like five to six years apart! Some people have much younger or older partners.”
“She’s into women, you know that,” he shot Tone’s argument with another misgiving. “It would be pretty unnie who treats me to meals.”
“Oh, tsk, tsk, tsk… You narrow-minded kid,” she raises her index finger, wagging it to tease and confound him. “I bet you didn't know about her relationships when she was still a freshman. Before Sohyun-sunbaenim. Or non-relationships for that matter.”
Of course he didn't. He’s not one to know so much about others’ personal lives outside his close circle and out of the Mad Money Club, Xinyu has been the exception. “Huh?”
“That's right… I know for a fact that Xinyu-unnie doesn’t care about who she likes based on whether they're a man or a woman. Dude, if that's still not clear enough for you—she goes ‘both ways.’ That’s not an issue to her. Nor should it to you... It’s just my opinion, Junghoon-ah, but what others think shouldn’t ever stop you from having feelings for someone. Especially if you have done nothing but good to her.”
He turns somewhere else. “Well, whatever you say, I don’t think they’d agree with that.”
“Who’s they? Where in the--? What the hell are you looking at?”
Squinting her eyes, Kotone followed Junghoon's gaze. A weird, wide veil through a blank space. A window through his perspective. Voices and texts. She didn't know how he sees this, this other wall through thin air, but their presence irked her as they simply radiate the scenarios of other worlds, filled with infinite what ifs and what could’ve been. It's all of their dreams, nightmares, comforts, and insecurities personified. It's an odd anomaly and out of this realm. Now, it's starting to take them out of their immersion. “The hell?” Kotone latched her hands on its invisible handles from each side. “Don't mind those…”
“I know, it’s weird to think this way… But I meant it about us being in different worlds.”
The woman shoved the view away from them, never wanting to speak of it again. “Seriously? Don't mind them... This ain't their life, Jung... This is ours, yours to deal with… How do you really feel about Xinyu-unnie? You don't have to tell me everything.”
“But she already knows!” Junghoon bursts those words out of nowhere, startling Tone. Out of embarrassment, Junghoon immediately covers his own mouth, before taking a quick look around the campus. Thankfully, the other students either only rolled their eyes or laughed off at his reaction, before minding their own business. Tone, however, stares at him in disbelief for a second, but her smile grows even more at the realization.
“You mean, you confessed to her?” she’s sensing his butterflies. “Omo, omo… When?”
“I don’t know if she still wants to remember it, but it was a week ago. Even then, I think she just pretended like she never heard me or thought I made a deadpan joke. I mean it would’ve just been more awkward if either of us brought it up again.”
= = = = =
It was only a whole semester. About only half a year after Xinyu's heart was shattered by Sohyun’s departure for France. It was still a tough time to reminisce for all of them, but they knew that things had to go on. That was their collective promise for each other.
And yet, Junghoon wondered: what has he been doing with Xinyu that was more than enough to make him start feeling things beyond their formalities? Beyond friendship?
His recent encounters and his hair-scratching conversations only made him rewind throughout the span of the second, third, and fourth days of the Seoul State Festival.
It usually starts with, “Junghoon-ah…” followed by a request. “Can you help me wi—”
“Ne!” No questions asked, the young man would do her requests. “On my way, noona.” It's all part of the production, after all. If not, then it's definitely for the club.
Nothing much, if he was being honest. Junghoon this. Noona or sunbae that. They acted professional, weeks before they became more casual in the months that followed. It was a closeness similar to him with the rest of the Mad Money Club. Before Kaede entered their ranks, anyway. It was like the new member had absorbed all of Xinyu's negative impressions of him before he could've talked her down to a more respectful level.
Junghoon's job as Xinyu's assistant wasn't confined to a single role, as he expected.
Thanks to his part-time job at a restaurant, he was able to buy doughnuts and some other snacks for the cast and crew of their production every morning or afternoon. They were leftovers from previous nights, so instead of letting his coworkers unnecessary throw it, he packed a lot before heading home, enough for himself, his halmeoni, and his friends.
“You're a lifesaver, Junghoon-ie. Gomawo!” Daeho patted him on his back, as he took a piece of honey-glazed ring from the box, immediately gnawing into it while his other hand returned its grip on his hair, gently massaging himself. “So… Good.”
It wasn't a requirement, but seeing his sunbaes nourished or at least more sober during their meetings only warmed his heart before their day would start.
The thespian’s cast and his fellow crewmates would welcome him with fillings of praise and sprinkles of gratitude for his consistent gestures, but he didn't want himself to be a mere freeloader or another suck-up. He wanted to be more involved, and receive more constructive criticism if he had to, and get results done by the end of their production.
Even at the days of those plays, he had to pay attention, ensuring things went smoothly. But when he's simply observing things fold into place. The audience cheered and wept. For Junghoon, this whole cycle went for two productions over the span of six months.
“You did well, sunbae.”
But, in spite of his studies and his outside work, this one never felt like a routine.
“I know…” Xinyu even flipped her hair, bearing resemblance to a star in a shampoo commercial, it reminded him of the times she's tested her costumes for the stage, right before shaking it off his head. Of course, Junghoon laughed her flaunt off. But deep down, Xinyu too wanted this interaction to be more than just jokes, which might've caused another misunderstanding between them. “But—umm—give yourself some credit, too, Junghoon-ah. You basically carried half the production team on your shoulders this time.”
“Come on, noona. That's not true.”
She shook her head. “I beg to differ. If you don't believe me, just feel free to ask Hwihyeon-ie or Yuki-chan. Or the slackers who barely showed up on time, unless you brought everyone snacks.”
“Well, I guess I'll just take their words. And I'm sure the others had a good reason—”
With every question, her face inched closer to his, forcing him to take a step back. “You’re speaking on their behalf, too? I mean, have you even been focusing on your studies? Attending classes? Are you skipping classes?”
He laughed. “I have and I am, noona. Don't need to worry about that.”
“All right…” she changed her voice to a more nonchalant tone. “I'm just saying it's the best time to drop from this club. Before I make the announcement to everyone else.”
“Why?” Even with his straight face, curiosity and uncertainty pushed each other within his mind. She's always liked keeping surprises to him. “What's gonna happen?”
“I'll be stepping down as an actress.”
“What?” At that moment, panic set in within his system, as the latter emotion just took control over him. “Why? Is it because I'm doing a bad job, sunbae? I mean, if you really want, I can drop out—”
“Paboyah… I'm just dropping out of the cast,” she clarified with a soft fist thrown into his shoulder, slightly hissing at him. “I’ll be in production!”
He scratched his head, embarrassed and almost lightheaded at his now vanishing panic. He couldn't believe he got himself fooled by a mere tease. “Oh… Right.” But what's new?
Xinyu let out a snicker, tilting her head as she leaned and examined him closer. Her smile evoked appreciation. “You're bummed out that I'm leaving?”
“I mean, who wouldn't be? You're a star in your stages.”
“I'm not the only star. We're all st—”
“That’s true, but you’re also definitely a highlight,” he justified his claim. “The empty seats get filled up on stages you're a part of, no offense to my other sunbaes.”
Xinyu continued to chuckle, unable to express the surprises of flattery from him. “Yah. Geum Junghoon, are you supposed to be my assistant, or my fan?”
“Aren't assistants automatically fans in some way? Like with idols and their managers?”
“So you're my manager now, huh? You also think I'm fit to be an idol?”
“Hmm… I wouldn't say no to that. You could be a part of the cheerleader club or be an MC. I'm sure you'd do well.”
“You really are getting good at your job. You might as well be my publicist.”
“For that job, you'll actually have to pay me.”
“Well, too bad ‘cause I'm joining you with the production team.” She stuck her tongue out.
He chuckled at her teasing, shaking his head. “I don't see that as a bad thing, though.”
“Hmmm… I thought you'd be more scared, now that we get to hang around more often, but I stand corrected. Maybe I'll stick around more often until you get tired of me.”
Junghoon happened to be there. He was mostly there. During Xinyu’s busiest, hardest weeks. Throughout her most grandiose successes and most festive celebrations. It was just hanging out.
On the brighter side, things had softened up between them, compared to months ago. Their ice cold and chilling tensions have melted like ice under the summer heat. They blossomed along with the flowers of spring.
And then one day, their meetings went outside their club. Outside Room 238. Outside the auditorium. Xinyu just hit him up, merely asking for a friend and companion to be with and well, he just accepted. But there was nothing more. Nothing in return.
Sometimes, she'd ask, “Are you free after class?” or “Are you free this weekend?”
They would wander the town of Keuri-go and some of its nearest neighborhoods. From her words, “I guess… I just wanted to go somewhere new… Without some nosybodies.”
“Try this, Junghoon-ah.” They would go to small diners, cafés, and newer restaurants. None of the mainstream stuff usually found around their campus. There was no doubt about her gourmet palate. They came off as a couple to some, but she'd often come up with many labels, most of which were true. “Dongsaeng. Chingu. Roomie. Buddie.”
“Come on, Junghoon. Don't be shy. It's my treat today, arasseo?” she kept chewing, focused on the meals like it's her craft. She's taking food seriously.
But what everyone else thought didn't matter. The fact was, they went for delightful and scrumptious cuisines. She rarely realized whenever her cheeks were puffed as her mouth was filled with flaming meat or whenever she's making crunching noises with fresh vegetables. It was definitely a sight to behold. Kyeopta, Junghoon pondered. A simple iced tea made his experience more refreshing while she sipped her pink juice, something she claimed tasted far better than the one she first ordered at the more popular café.
He never knew there was someone else as passionate in eating as he was. Though, she was more eloquent in doing it, weirdly enough. “All right... Jal meokgeotseumnida.”
“You think Soda will like this?” At shops and malls, they would buy surprise gifts or supplies for their clubmates on their birthdays or some significant achievement.
He looked at the music box with a proud smile. “Mmm-hmm… I think she'll love it.”
“Good pick. I guess I'll, ummm, I'll be needing your advice on Yubam’s birthday.”
His assumption has always been, “I thought all of you girls are close.” and rightfully so.
“We are.” She even felt a little flustered to confess about it. “It's just, you two joined the club in the same month. She felt a little closer to you, but it's not like a competition.”
“Okay, okay,” he snickered. “I'll be glad to help out, noona.”
He was originally her underling, but more than that, they became friends. No matter the occasion, he made time for her… Whether she needed his assistance. Or his company.
Sometimes, walks in the park were enough to blow all the worries off her. Junghoon himself was never the nosy one, but it was during those moments where he'd hear more from the woman.
“I wish I could just buy this park, you know?” she mumbled through the breeze.
He craned his head to the side, staring at the back of her shining hair. “Why is that?”
“Geunyang,” she blurted, brushing her hand through the bushes they're now crossing.
“Well…” He knew there was more to her thought. “Even if you do have the money to do that, lots of locals still visit this place, so I'm not even sure if that's a good idea.”
“I didn't say I'd take it away from them,” she defended herself with a snortle, though her mind wasn't as calm as she appeared.”
“What're you going to do with it, then? If you somehow do buy this park?”
“Maintain it. The way it is now.”
“So you won't be open to renovating it or expanding it?”
“I don't actually mean I'm gonna buy it someday… You took it way too seriously.”
“Oh… Well, I thought it was an interesting thought…”
She exhaled through her nose, beaming. “I just… I don't know. Sometimes I get irritated, and annoyed, when things change all of the sudden. I know, someday, this park won't be the same anymore. I don't know if I even like to think that happening.” Aside from those two words, she kept other feelings inside her. Worried. Afraid.
Junghoon could only sigh, but he had also given himself a similar answer a while back.
“Things will always change, noona… No matter how much power, money, and influence we may have, there's some things we'll just have to live with… Things out of our control. Out of our favor.”
She's heard of that gloomy outlook countless times from different people she respected or hated. Quite annoyingly so, even if it's true. “And… How do you deal with something like that? Losing something you’ve treasured for years? Losing a safe space like this?”
“I think we just have to adapt and do what we can… It can and will hurt, but maybe we can find better opportunities elsewhere. Maybe this park will remain a park. Maybe it won't… I believe we shouldn't just limit our safe spaces to just one place, or rely on a person we may not have a chance with. We can set our minds to it, if we have to.”
The gist of it was admittedly cliché, but his delivery was softening her heart. Yet, she was still unsatisfied with his insight. She wanted to hear more from him. “But what if I don't want any of those new opportunities? What if I wanna stay with my old treasure?”
“Then like I said, you're still setting your mind into it. Sometimes, stubbornness can be a good asset, but it shouldn't come at the cost of our sanity. Just like with our obsessions… Nothing good comes out of it the longer it sits out.”
Silence followed afterwards. Xinyu felt something constricting there. “Plus… It’s not too bad to venture out and look for something or someone new,” he continued. “I mean, if you're careful enough, what more can you lose? If it's not for you, just move on.”
She simply tilted her head, contemplating his sentiment with delighted curiosity. “Touché… That’s pretty mature.” She wouldn't find this park if she didn't explore it.
He crossed his arms, unsure on whether to play along or take her compliment at face value. “Did you assume that I'm otherwise? Is it because I'm younger?”
“Aniya…” Despite her smirk, she wasn't in the mood to tease. “It was just unexpected... It was nice to hear your perspective.”
By the end of most of those days, he saw her on her way home. On the same stealth car. “It was really nice hanging out with you, Junghoon-ah… Take care of yourself, alright?”
But looking back, perhaps he shouldn't have done all those things. Not to that extent.
Dugeun. Maybe that was the first time. The first few times. Dugeun. The moment she got closer and more comfortable, and by that, from a physical sense. Without a boundary that kept each other's guards up.
Embedded to his conscience, he kept going because of a promise he accepted almost a year ago. A promise that he still never broke, despite her already ended relationship.
And yet, even as Sohyun has returned in their lives, he continued wondering, has he outgrown that promise? Should he? Wouldn't that be a great betrayal of her trust?
With each time Xinyu got closer, she drew her breath close to his ears. His nose caught a few variations of her perfume, growing stronger and warmer as their distance closed. Strangely enough, even their little shoulder bumps and her teasing pinches sent shivers through his spine in the midst of the warm spring. Whenever she entered his field of vision, her eyes appeared like they're prowling for his presence, just for someone to tease or talk to. Beside and around Xinyu, uneasiness crept in as an aftertaste to every moment of bliss that made his system flutter. It was the last feeling he was supposed to feel for her, slowly burying whatever he truly felt for this woman through work.
Why am I paying attention to all of these? This has to be one-sided. It's the only thing that makes sense. One-sided things should go away pretty soon.
But one can't simply alter the rhythm of their heartbeat. It was a matter of time until Junghoon's affection started to manifest beyond his heart.
“Are you sure you guys want me there?”
“Don’t worry about them, Junghoon-ah,” Xinyu tried to persuade Junghoon. “You’ve worked with them before. Ever since you invited them to the party at our room, they wanted to get closer with you. And don’t forget, you’ve been a great help to us.”
It was after the success of the Thespians’ play. On a Thursday night, Junghoon attended the afterparty with the cast and his fellow crew, which he was a part of, despite being a recent addition as Xinyu’s assistant. No one was drunk enough to do something fun and stupid, but they were definitely bold enough to play a game of truth or dare while they were still sober enough to be embarrassed about the things they were asking or doing that night. After minutes and minutes of spinning the bottle, its neck finally points to Xinyu. Her fellow cast expressed their intrigue, although a smirk formed around her lips, hoping to one-up them.
“What’s it gonna be, Xinyu-yah?” Yuki anticipated. “You don’t seem to be surprised.”
“I’m looking forward to it, actually,” she quipped.
“Ooooh, that means you’re looking forward to some dares,” Hwihyeon teased.
“Dares are getting too stale. Hasn’t our performance been enough for y’all?” she flaunted, steering the game's direction out of their favor. “Our original production was the talk of the town!”
“Yeah, but are you sure you don’t wanna take someone home tonight? Pretty sure there are plenty of hot faces at the bars nearby. We can start here!” Yuko questioned. “And it's strange that you used to be the one who kept on pulling us outdoors so we could ‘mingle’ with some gals and fellas back in freshman year.”
“Exactly!” Daeho chimed in with his deep and inquisitive voice. “It seems you’ve gone celibate ever since you’re single again.”
“No, I haven’t!” she shot back at them with a defensive tone, which only amused them. “It’s just we have the next Festival Week for that, I’m in no rush, unlike you nymphs— and Daeho… Tonight, I want some good old ounce of truth, so shoot your shots.”
“Chill out, girl,” Hwihyeon chuckled at her brief outburst. “Okay… Truth it is, gals…”
An idea lit up their director, Jihye. Unsurprisingly, it happened once her eyes met yours. “I got it. Would you be willing to go out with your assistant?”
He felt his heart racing. He didn't know why, but such a question keeps him on edge, even if he’s not the one to answer it. Looking at Xinyu, he saw her with a teasing smile.
“Hmm, he’s a bit young,” she retorts before looking at him with a soft smile. Yet to him, it feels somewhat condescending, not that it matters. “No offense, Junghoon-ah.”
A wide smile formed on Junghoon’s face. A barricade to shield his crumbling heart. “None taken, noona,” he responded.
“As if that stopped you from seeing people younger than you two years ago,” Hwihyeon sharply counters her friend’s confident remarks.
“They were like, what? Months, a year younger than me? And plus, rarely of those flings were guys. You don’t really find ‘em around. Ones who are mature enough for my taste.”
He slowly breathed through his nose, easing the ensuing pandemonium within himself.
“That doesn’t disprove her point, unnie,” Jihye joined the banter, gaining chuckles from Hwihyeon and Kangdae.
“Whatever,” Xinyu tutted. Everyone’s been ganging up on her. “The point is, he already has a crush of his own.” Except for the man himself. “Isn’t that right, Junghoon-ah?”
The pressure of everyone else around him versus his own thoughts and his sunbae’s domineering words. “Yeah, I guess. Xinyu-sunbae’s not entirely wrong, yeorobun.”
“See?” she grinned, raising her eyebrow at her fellow thespians; even they’re fooled.
“That’s a bummer. We thought there’d be something between you two.”
Exiting the restaurant, the two take a walk across the street outside their campus after the cast and crew had parted ways with wide smiles and a few crumbs of laughter that they’ve left at the place in the past two hours and a half. Silence ensued between them.
Even with his introversion, she felt something wasn't right with him. Considering the many word-filled walks they've taken in the last several months. “What’s the matter?”
Usually, he would clench his fist to bear the loud thumps of his heart, but now, he has simply lost the energy to do a simple thing. “Um… About what they asked you earlier.”
“That silly little goof?” she chuckled, trying to lighten up his gloomy mood. “What about it? I was just playing around. Don’t take what I said too seriously.”
“About you dating younger people?” he clarified.
“I think I meant that,” she admitted. “In my experience, it’s not easy to find someone dependable if they are not mature enough to respect someone’s space or on the other hand, not ready enough to open up. Some of them weren’t ready for a relationship, so they just ended up as fun flings. But hey, that doesn’t mean I was talking about you…”
He felt his heart getting lighter, but not enough to ease his sense of disquietude. “Oh.”
“You’re a good man, Junghoon-ah. I couldn’t care less who you’re into. If it’s still Nien or someone else, they’d be lucky to have you.” She giggled, contrasting his quiet and somber demeanor. “And by the way, are you that curious about my dating life?”
“I’m not,” he objected, letting out a nervous laugh. “I’m just generally curious.”
“I didn’t wanna get you into our goofs too much,” she expounded. “You should know by now, they can be a bit nosy when it comes to knowing other people’s tea at times, which I’m more or less tolerant with, but I didn’t know if you’d feel the same way about them.”
“Well…” His heart began to slow down. “I thought they were fun to listen to.”
She tried to take it into a more humorous direction. “Even if they just, out of nowhere, dragged you as the direct object of the question meant for me? That’s weird, especially from you. Did you enjoy it when it was my turn?”
“Not necessarily, but… I don’t think they were wrong, when they said it…”
“Yah,” she tilted her head to the side. “Don’t tell me you’re actually considering what they said… They were goofing around, so I played along with them. I even gave you a look, remember?”
And at that moment, his rhythm became faster once more. “I’m not!” he hollered out suddenly. “I just… I didn’t know how to feel about you. Mianhaeyo. This is sudden…”
Her mischievous smile slowly dropped. “Junghoon-ah…” she muttered, clueless what to say next. “Do… Do you really… You're kidding, right?”
Cold air flared through his nose, akin to a sick bull. “I wish I was…”
Her chest began to flutter. “What?” Maybe out of fear or surprise. She couldn't tell.
Giving himself a test, Junghoon took a step forward. Closer. The thumping grew. If it was a stranger she would have run. The woman's eyes widened.
Her wits were silenced by his spurt of boldness. Startled by her own surprise, he took a step backwards. That wasn't something he was willing to cross, even if his inner self was yearning to do so.
“You don’t have to say anything, noona,” he interjected, discouraged by her surprise.
A second of struggle to catch her own breath, she gulped in silence and cleared her throat, straightening her posture.
“Then,” she took a breath. “Let’s pretend you didn’t say anything tonight, arasseo?”
“Ne,” he complied, keeping himself calmer in front of her. From a distance, he notices the headlamp that is slowly approaching the road ahead of them. “Mister Yi is here.”
Her eyes widened, both her brows now raising with fury. “What? You called him?”
He raised his hands, his heartbeat accelerated due a different, more primal emotion. “Well, he asked for my number, and he called me. What was I supposed to do?”
“Why?” she groaned, holding in her annoyance at him. “You could’ve said no, or lied!”
“I can’t say no to your bodyguard,” he argued back, his pitch slightly elevating in panic.
“Why not?” She slowly walked closer to him. “You're scared of him? More than me?”
He took a step back. “I’m not sca—” Her question caught him off-guard, leaving him intimidated and confused at the same time. “He said it’s for your safety, sunbaenim.”
“You’re with me!” she exclaimed. “Is that not enough? You don’t think you’re trustworthy enough… We’re friends, Junghoon-ah.”
“It’s because of words like that…” he whispered. She didn’t hear, but his face got to her, likening a disheartened pup. In turn, her heartbeat also amplified in pace and volume.
“Don’t take that the wrong way!” she immediately added with a yelp before he could’ve opened his mouth, forceful to dismiss their bewildering conversation just as the stealth car was done parking right next to the curb in front of them. “I’ll deal with this.”
“Miss Zhou,” they heard the bodyguard’s hoarse yet respectful call, having exited the vehicle with his hands clasped. “It’s getting late.”
Xinyu and Junghoon walked to him. “Mr. Yi. Are my parents at the penthouse?”
“Not yet, but based on their schedule for this week, they will pay a visit tonight.”
“I told you I’m staying at a friend’s dorm,” she tried not to sound like she's whining.
“That’s not what your friends have said,” he shot back. “And Miss Park isn’t here—”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m still with Sohyun or not. That was her choice,” she snapped. For a second, Junghoon's chest tightened along as his breath shortened. “And isn’t this why I went to college? What happened to my four years of individuality, ahjussi?”
“I, umm,” he hesitated. “I understand why you're angry, but I believe you should take that to your parents, Miss Zhou. I'm only doing this for your safety… I always have.”
Looking at her suppressed irritation, Junghoon looked down on the concrete in guilt, not seeing Mr. Yi and Xinyu turning their heads at him. “I’m sorry, noona.”
“It’s fine.” She looked back at him with sorrow, just as guilty and lost due to the way she reacted at him earlier. “Just… Go home, Junghoon-ah. I can take it from here.”
They drove off into the darkness, Junghoon walked back home alone, humiliated by his own cowardice and hesitation for what transpired between him and Xinyu. Tonight, the cold spring breeze doesn’t feel as soothing as it used to be.
= = = = =
Tone’s smile shifted into a frown real quick. “You idiot! Pabo! You just fumbled your big chance, man. Come on. You either confessed or you didn’t. There’s no joking from you.”
Her phrasing simply irritated him. “What do you mean I fumbled my chance? I avoided a disaster! I know it’s a stupid thing to say, but I don’t wanna ruin anything we’ve built as friends. Besides, she and Sohyun-noona have reconnected lately, so… That’s that.”
Both Kotone’ enthusiasm and exasperation dropped. She did not expect the last sentence. “They did? Sohyun-sunbaenim is back?”
“No, not really. She’s still studying in Europe,” he clarifies. “But umm, yeah, she kept in touch with everyone from the club. Even me. And I'm grateful that it finally happened.”
“Does that mean they’re—?”
“I don’t know. I don't wanna know. That’s not my business,” Junghoon dismissed her in an instant, knowing well what her next words were gonna be. It’d be better if they were.
Kotone looked at him, more worried. Damn, that confession must’ve hurt him real bad.
“Even if there was no one else in her mind, I’ve known her long enough to know that she would rather be with someone who makes a move on her like a normal person. Someone who is more upfront and straightforward about their feelings.”
Tone sighed. “Maybe things have changed. Some people feel things they’ve never felt before. That’s normal. Xinyu-unnie is no exception to that change. Look, I know you might expect me to tell you to move on or even give you hope, but I can’t do either of those… Confess or don’t confess. I just don’t want my friend to not do something and regret it.” She reaches her hand to pat him softly on the back, caressing it in seconds.
Junghoon pondered in silence, unable to come up with any logical or witty rebuttal at his friend’s remark. Kotone shook her head and chuckled. But before she could’ve told him another word, someone from the Mad Money Club walked past them as her round eyes grew in enthusiasm having seen such familiar faces.
“Oh, it’s you guys,” Hyerin greeted each of them with a bow. “Hi, Junghoon-sunbaenim and Kotone-sunbaenim! Do you mind if I just finish my tteokbokki beside you guys?”
“No problem.” Junghoon felt a sense of relief by Hyerin’s arrival, oddly enough, as someone they’ve only known recently interrupted the very talk he was hoping would have ended. “Come sit with us, Hyerin-ssi.”
“Kamsahamnida!” She sat on the chair in front of Junghoon and Kotone. Now the two don’t know what else to talk about while their hoobae munches on some spicy rice cake while it’s steaming warm.
“What were you guys talking about?” Hyerin wondered. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Junghoon’s got a big crush on your club.” Still, Kotone didn’t hesitate to tease him.
“Tone-yah!” Junghoon mouthed, though his face is suppressing an outburst of anger in front of his hoobae. “Why would you..?” He could only let out an audible groan.
Hyerin became intrigued by their banter, even though Kotone didn't reveal any names. “Who is it, sunbae? Is it Nien-sunbaenim?”
“It’s… Not that important,” he delivered with an awkward smile. “We should head back to the others. Is fifteen minutes good with you, Hyerin-ssi?”
“Ne, sunbaenim!” Hyerin complied. “That’s enough time for me to finish this, actually.”
“Don’t worry,” Kotone patted Hyerin in the back. “You’ll find out soon enough, Hyerin-ssi. Or you won't. That's up to him.’’
“And now that you’ve brought it up.” Junghoon’s enthusiasm started to level with Tone’s mischievous voice. “Kotone-ssi here does have a crush you may be familiar with. He’s—”
Kotone’s eyes widened at his clap black. She knows what he’s up to. “Yah!”
While Junghoon was able to change the subject with Hyerin around, teasing back Kotone allowed for the three students to start getting to know each other until lunch had ended.
= = =
The skies have darkened. The sun had already set about an hour earlier. Students are packing up in their booths. After all, they still have another day to prepare their stuff.
“Junghoon-ah…” Xinyu muttered.
He immediately turned to her. “Yes, noona?”
They took one step closer to each other. The young man gulped at her closer distance.
“You have any plans after this?” she asked him with a straight face.
“Not really…” he didn't give much thought to her question, expecting another objective. “Do you need me to assist you in another booth or..?”
“No, it’s not about the festival,” she cleared up. “You did well today… I just wanna hang out, like friends usually do, you know? It’s been a while since we went somewhere by ourselves. Just no bars or clubs like last time. You remember how that turned out.”
He lets out a chortle. “Oh, good point… Then, sure. Do you have any place in mind?”
The park is the perfect balance of having quiet scenery and triumphant noise around it.
She looks amazing. I mean she always did. She does. Wait, why am I thinking like this?
It was just the two of them. They haven’t felt like this since that night. During this breezy night, the comfort of having each other’s presence when they’ve realized there is no one else they know at this park aside from each other. It’s become a special place for them, not long after he helped her sober up, as well as helping the club with cheering her up.
“Look, Junghoon,” she broke their moment of silence with a somber mood. “About what I said back then. And the times before that. It was unnecessary and hurtful… So I have to say that I'm sorry about being suspicious of you about joining.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, noona,” he attests. “That was a long time ago. And what you felt was completely valid. I have no grudge against you for thinking like that.”
“That’s not entirely true! I feel so bad knowing your halmeoni, and I just wanna apologize for everything bad that I’ve said to you, about you, or behind your back.”
“It’s okay, noona. But if it helps you relieve your mind… Apology accepted.”
She still didn't feel too satisfied. It’s a progress, though. “Should we shake hands?”
“Why are you being so formal all of the sudden?” he tilted his head at her proposition.
“Geunyang,” she raised her hand. “What, you don’t want a symbol of our reconciliation? This too melodramatic for you?”
He chuckled, playing along with her request. Their hands tangled comfortably at this surface-level formality, but Junghoon looks at Xinyu with concern. To him, this one gesture shouldn't mean anything more than burying the hatching between their past “bad blood” of misunderstandings. To welcome a feeling of comfort to each their own hearts while his lukewarm hand touched her colder palm. But it’s because of this that he started to feel something else, the longer he’s holding her hand now. His confession that night flashed back to him.
Amidst the silence, their eyes leveled with one another. Dugeun.
Funnily enough, they let go of their hands at the same second, even though Junghoon never thought of Xinyu’s reason, and it wasn’t out of discomfort that he let go, but the thought of the unknown. That feeling he feared, because of the complications it could unleash to their lives.
Dugeun.
“Sorry, noona…” he lowered his head, before straightening his posture afterwards. “I might’ve gotten a little bit too comfortable there.”
“It’s okay, Junghoon-ah… But, enough sorries,” she raises her voice, surprising him with her sudden burst in hopes of ending their awkwardness together. “We should move way past this! No more dramas and all that. We got the festival coming up… You better get your game face on.”
“What?”
With a grin, she raised her tough yet enthusiastic exterior up. “You heard me.”
= = =
The first day of the festival had begun. Most, if not all, booths from various clubs and organizations are ready to entice and entertain the students from freshman to senior. Openings across campus inevitably drew crowds, consisting of students without a club or ones who simply wandered to spy on their rivals or neighbors with interest. In the cheers of the opening rally, Xinyu would've lost her balance along the waves of the crowd surrounding her. If it wasn't for Junghoon's reflexes that caught her just in time.
“Sorry, sunbae,” Junghoon backed away from her in an instant. “Hope you're all right.”
And they're back to square one.
“No, no, you don’t have to apologize,” Xinyu immediately assured him, though she could not look him in the eye for too long. “I'm all right.” Not with their little walk last night. “But, umm, you can let go now.”
“Oh, right. Right.” Their distance grew. “Mianhaeyo, noona…”
“It's okay, Junghoon-ah.” Her gentle cadence shifted into irritation. “Stop apologizing.”
He watched her walk and blend in with the horde ahead of them, not turning her back.
“Still awkward?” He heard Kotone’s soft and sympathetic voice behind him.
“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled. She felt the sense of despondency in his voice.
Tone patted him on the back. “It’ll pass. But this is the festival, man, come on! This only happens a few times in a year. Let’s have fun, arasseo? We got five days to do… things!”
Xinyu wouldn’t have spoken to him for a while. Though, like most of the time, they and their friend groups only saw each other from distances, or when it’s their turn to watch over the club booths, if that one only ever happened. This week, however, gave him the opportunity to focus on himself. Outside of their club. Outside of work and organization.
Throughout the next few days, fun was mainly what Junghoon attempted to experience. The campus had days worth of booths, but as much as he hated to admit it to his friends, one could explore most of them within three days. At least, that's what he did. Whenever it wasn't his turn to guard and assist their booth, he went to pursue his own adventures with his closest buddies—if they could only keep themselves together within an hour.
Looking back, the first day and second day were almost everyone else's great highlights.
The first day was the explosive most students and associated visitors had come for. For Junghoon, though, it was also the start of his separation from Xinyu. The first time in a long while on campus. It wouldn't have been a big deal for either of them, if it wasn't for the day before. The morning hours gave him moments to warm up and loosen his worry.
“Oooooooh… That was so close… Better luck next time! Hope you come back.”
“Wah… You look so cute in those photos. You're quite photogenic. Thank you so much for participating in our booth!”
“For doing well, here's a freebie along with your main prize! Kamsahamnida!”
“Are you sure you're not a part of the Judo team? Football team? No? Huh…”
“Wanna show your moves and compete with fellow passionate performers in the name of our great university? Join the Seoul State Dragons Dance Team now!”
“You're a year of the Monkey. But your spirit animal is a Brown Bear! That means—”
The afternoon, however, was more awaited by students, professors, and visitors alike, who filled up the stadium twice compared to the morning rally for the opening concert.
The cheerleading squad returned to appetize the eyes, ears, and hearts of the audience until the setlist of main courses had finally entered the stage with their microphones and instruments to play songs both familiar and new to the public:
Now, it's eight o'clock and I'm waiting on this good guy
To come pick me up, I just wanna have a good night
He's pulling up, oh my God, I see the headlights
And he opens my door but his car isn't yours
Just let me wave to you, not wave goodbye
Let me stay by your side
'Cause it's good enough
Yeah, it's good enough for me
So help me
Jujeoango isseoyo
Nunmul nal geot gatayo
Geureonikka jebal jebal jeballyo
Tell me, it's okay to be happy
And I'm sinking into the feeling that we could be so much more
I'm not who I was before
Could it be magic?
Oh, oh, oh-oh
Oh, you're the one
Nae ane yuilhan melody
Neoreul bureuneun moksori
Uril ieojun
Moksori
Throughout those two hours, Junghoon and his friends never left their row, except for snack and restroom breaks. Captivated by the old-fashioned and soothing atmosphere of live music, they sat or stood and hummed, cheered for, or sang along with the performers from the campus’ main field stadium until sundown. Performers have consisted of students who were aspiring bands or soloists, and, of course, the rising stars, grouped or independent, who they've been waiting the whole day and afternoon.
From a certain distance, he would spot some of the Mad Money Club next to the Diamond Dreamers, screaming their lungs out while they treated certain tracks as if they were at the noraebang… There was Dahyun and Yubin holding hands with Kaede and Hyerin, respectively, continuing their so-called initiation ritual as they kept on raising their hands in the air through the beats of the more hyper and upbeat tracks.
Beside them, Seoyeon laughed at her four members as the initiation unfolded. Next to her, Yooyeon would exchange laughter and advice with the younger woman through the ocean of noises, leaving each other smiles of deep respect as they pondered about their career choices after graduation. Nakyoung and Mayu kept their arms on each other’s shoulders while grooving to the music with their bodies swaying side to side. Jiwoo and Chaeyeon leaned their heads on each other. He didn’t know the Dreamers much compared to the Mad Money Club, but seeing all of them on the same row only amplified his experience in real time, as the girls’ lyrical exhilaration the whole afternoon had mirrored his friends.
But curiosity has led to move his gaze a little more to the right of their seat. Of course, how could he forget her?
There was also Xinyu in her beauty, with her thespian friends to her left as all three of her groups savored the music on a row below theirs. Junghoon might’ve been mistaken, but from his point of view, he noticed that her eyes were watering as her lips were neutral in the latter hours of the concert while her body remained steady through the ballads. He never knew why, but before he could entertain the thought of heading down, his own guilt-ridden, grudgeful self reminded him, Until you find a way to fix this mess, just stay away from her.
As the concert ended, the hours of enjoyment and carefree sing-alongs he shared with his friends were clogged by his misplaced confession. Exiting the stadium, Junghoon shook his head in hopes of forgetting her, only fixing his eyes on the ones he’s with.
On everyone’s way home around seven in the evening, Honggi's conversation with his friends summed up the first day quite well. “Shit, guys! That was a blast, wasn't it?”
“Last year was better,” Kotone blurted without a filter, making Myungsoo and Junghoon chuckled beside her. Junghoon had no strong opinion, while Myungsoo was on Honggi's side, though he'd rather let this discourse sit out.
“What? No! That's not what you really think, do you? How about Yeonghwan-hyung?”
“Yubin-ah seemed to love it… And I didn't really have a problem with the setlist.”
“You know what? I'll take that as a win for us. Unlike Miss Buzzkill here.”
“You were the one talking shit when the ballad singer was up!” she pointed out.
“Okay, so I didn't love all the songs. Big deal… At least, there were genres for everyone.”
“You have a point about that,” she nodded, before making a pout. “But we still could've had ARTMS for this year, if they just moved the date, so I'm sticking with last year... At least I got Loossemble during the Autumn Concert.”
“Arasseo…” Honggi sneered with his cocky grin. “People will always have their biases. Agree to disagree!”
The two would shake hands, much to the rest of their friends’ amusement.
The excitement for the second day took a little dip, yet it stayed steadily high for most. It was a week they felt no worries at any deadlines or examinations or anything academics. Within those two to three days, Junghoon didn't realize he had a lot of luck on his side, as if being enrolled at an international university wasn't enough. Varieties never ran out.
“Wanna take an MBTI Test? We're confident that our methods are legit—”
“Do you wanna find out who's the Bollywood celebrity you're most similar to?”
“Take a trip around the world via our simulation! It may help with your vacay plans.”
“Annyeong! If you're interested in learning more about various cultural roots, we're delighted to invite you to take a visit at our Asian Studies Cultural Exhibit!”
“Try out our matcha-flavored ramyeon and dubai chocolate cake! We promise you, they are not as unappealing as they sound.”
Of course, festivals weren't only about fun, but it offered windows to a student's future. Plenty of booths were also prepared by academic organizations and university sponsors, hoping to catch the attention and interest of students, regardless of their collegiate year.
“Assuming your grades are above average, I encourage you to maybe join another organization next semester. Something more related to student council, if you like.”
“I hope you're interested in our offer. You might still be a junior, but you got a brigh—”
“Kid, with your work experience, our company can guarantee you an easy interview.”
With his social battery running low, he almost forgot about Xinyu. Almost. But even then, he didn't want that to be the case. A part of him kept yearning for her presence. Plus, certain songs played at the concert didn't help either for “warping” his mind or “twisting” his heart. They weren't all gloomy, but those selections just happened to latch onto Junghoon’s ears like melodic magnets.
Fast forward, and the festival’s now in its third day; noon has gotten them separated by the restless hordes of the campus crowd. Somehow, not even the passage of time could drain the traffic within campus. Not in a noisy, joyous, and busy season like this.
After several minutes, Junghoon only met up with Kotone, sitting at an empty bench, a few meters away from the more compact, active, and populated regions of the campus. Although the sun's kiss wasn’t as prickly as it was in the summer heat, this seat under the shade of an oak tree is an all-time relaxation spot.
“Where's everyone else?” he asked.
“They divided and conquered,” she hissed in sweat. “Much like you have!”
“That’s what Honggi-yah and Yeonghwan-hyung did,” he defended them with a lower pitch.
“But it was Honggi who suggested we split it… Why did you take his words seriously?”
“Well, you also said that we should have fun. On the first day.”
“Yeah… But you've practically sped-run most of them yesterday. That's far from fun!”
Junghoon didn't have much to say. Her eyes became more vulnerable, as her lips curved downwards right as she sat on the bench next to him. His problem never went away. “Is it because you always keep on bumping into Xinyu-unnie, and now she's avoiding you? Is that what's been bothering you lately?”
“It didn't bother me when I was exploring others’ booths. I got myself some prizes…”
“Mianhae, Tone-yah…”
“No, I'm sorry for raising my voice… We can't always stay together as a group, can we?”
“It’s fine, but I mean… I think we're all together matters the most.”
“That's true, now that you've brought it up.”
“I should probably head back to the booth. Volunteer for the next shift.”
“You sure?” After this two-day streak of adventure, his decision caught her off-guard.
“Yeah… I don't want to ruin everyone’s vibe.”
“You didn't ruin anything, dude. You were impressive. You, like, ascended your level!”
He shook his head, looking down in embarrassment while she gave him praise. “Really?”
“Yeah, you played your ass off on a lot of games. You talked to a lot of org recruiters, even if you were just considering. Like that's something I wouldn't expect any normal person to do these days. You're actually living the college life during campus festivals.”
He shook his head, chuckling at her praise. “You flattered me a little too much there. I just distracted myself from the club a little more while I still got time, that's all.”
“Trust me... What you did was more than some of the students staring on their phones the whole day, when they could've seized the max of their enjoyment for this week. It's like, it’s not even that hot out here around this hour.”
The dynamic experience had left him with little energy to spare. “That may be true… I still think I should slow down a little more now that I'm gonna be staying in our area.”
“Good call… We only have two days left… Maybe, just take a chill pill, or buy yourself something to eat. We don't have any academics for the whole week. We might not even get the same level of fun next year, much like with our sunbaes now.”
He nodded silently at her sentiment. Their breeze-filled atmosphere got wistful quickly.
A few seconds later, Kotone received a text on her phone. “I'm needed elsewhere.”
“Is that one of the guys?” he expected.
“Yep.” Her smile widened. “Myungsoo-oppa needs me.”
That's why, he thought. “You can say that again,” he chuckled with a smug smirk.
“Shut up! He just needed my assistance with something,” she cackled at his tease, before putting her phone inside her pocket and walking slowly towards the wide crowded plaza. “Watch your surroundings on your way back, all right? Kalke!”
And now, he's back at it again. Back into his own thoughts while his eyes wander at the many sceneries in front of him, with a spectrum of faces, from boredom to enthusiasm.
= = =
The fourth day of the festival. 08:15 A.M. Almost everyone on booth duty still had less than an hour to feel laid back before they could open to the guests on campus. But, it was also a time that was early enough for the mind of Junghoon to feel unoccupied by any form of work, for his mind to remain restless at his reminiscences of infatuation.
He was only sitting down on one of the two chairs near the entrance of the Arcade Booth's tent, drinking a cup of warm plain tea beside his most dear friend, who's taking a sip of her own cup of matcha.
“Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome?” he suggested to Kotone nonchalantly, forcing a smirk for her to approve of his theory. “Or Seoul Syndrome? Is that a thing?”
Despite their convincing talk from last time, this conversation was far from over. Both of them were wishing it's the last time they'd have this topic, but they kept on going regardless.
“No, it's not.” The woman hit him in the shoulder, though she didn't apply much force. With more than enough patience in her calm system, she was simply annoyed and even astonished by his persistence to think of many ways of deflecting and escaping his own feelings. “You did it by yourself. You two have gotten close because you were working together closely. That's just a fact. Xinyu-unnie didn't coerce you of anything.”
He placed his forehead on his right palm, sighing on his wrist while his fingers dug through his hair. “You’re right. I can't even believe I tried to blame her… You know, it wasn't like this with Nien.”
He reminisced about Nien. How things were smooth between them. How they flirted around even when he didn't realize he was flirting, or simply because he didn't know exactly how to. Of course, she's seeing someone now because of his own inaction, and he couldn't be happier for her, but there's no doubt that she and Junghoon had something a couple of semesters ago. Whatever this feeling was now, it was crawling up to him.
“It wasn't easy, but we hit it off the moment we started talking by ourselves... I got lucky. Now with, umm… Ugh, I can't even say her name, it's weird that I just feel this way for her.”
“You meet different people, Junghoon. Luck or no luck, it's perfectly normal... It's life. Nien-sunbae has moved on. So have you.”
He softly groaned into his palms.
“You're not the problem here,” Kotone continued. “Neither is Xinyu-unnie. She just doesn't know the whole thing yet… And even if she does, there's nothing wrong with expressing how you feel.”
Junghoon remained quiet in his perplexity. It's like they have been going in circles with this. A conversational time loop, per se. Kotone had made insightful advice, but it's his own problem that he still couldn't get this itch off of him. The itch for more questions about his endless “what ifs.” They just wouldn't stop.
“If you're still not sure, maybe you can ask someone else besides me. Someone you know won't be too judgmental, or someone who’ll be more impartial in situations like this. None of that online forum shit, arasseo?”
Her suggestion had already gotten through him, although her final statement made him raise an eyebrow. “But we’ve used online forums before—”
“Learn from our mistakes, Junghoon-ah!” She raised her tone for that delivery, before softening it right after. “Please? Anons are the last people you should be asking. Even if some of them have decent answers, this isn't an AITA thing.”
A part of himself felt otherwise. Someone falling for their friend’s ex? He's heard similar stories online, ones which his friends would make fun of. Watched different variations of the same exact plot on melodramas. Perhaps that was why she wanted him to steer away from forums. He's already facing his own demons.
“Geez, all right... Calm down, arasseo. You know this isn't your problem, Tone.”
“Your problem might as well be mine…” She scrambled his hair, treating him like a troubled pup. “Aigoo, you should know I'm actually rooting for you in this. Sometimes.”
“Why?”
“You don't want it?” She leaned her face slightly downwards, raising an eyebrow.
He scratched his head. “In this situation? I'm not really sure I do… But I kinda appreciate it.”
Of course, there was another elephant in the room. One that the woman has been trying so hard to avoid in front of him. “So… Do you wanna talk about hyung?”
Kotone gave out an effortlessly heavy sigh. He knew he's not the only one going through something, but it wouldn't hurt to feel concerned about his best friend. It kind of would, but expressing his sympathy should hurt things a little less. “It's a bit too early. Maybe later, I don't know. I don't think I'm in the mood for it.”
“Of course… You know I'm also here, if you want to talk about it, or anything else, really.”
“Thanks, bud.” She leaned her head onto his right shoulder, slowly closing her eyes. A sigh followed.
===
12:30 P.M. The festival booths were occupied with more people. Junghoon was on watch duty over at the Mad Money's Love Arcade, and by their collective rules with their sister club, he got himself a companion to deal with guests while they played their booth.
The Diamond Dreamers had one of their own to assist him at the booth. So, it just had to be this woman whom he ended up asking for consultation. Even if she turned out to be much more invested in this discussion than he expected.
“I'd say just go for it!” Kim Nakyoung yelled beside Junghoon, almost startling a couple of students working on the teddy bear claw machine, while making the students on the wack-a-mole machine and console turn their heads. “Joeseonghamnida…” She craned her head to him. “It can be as simple as a confession. No need to cherry coat it.”
“I think you mean sugar coat—” he tried to correct her.
“Whatever it is, you get what I mean!”
“So… Should I really just say it? To her?”
She shrugged her shoulders, with her carefree posture impressing him. “You asked for my advice. Hell, I'm graduating next year. And if they're a senior like me, they are too. I mean, for me, the worst thing is not being able to say anything at all… You may never get that chance, if you just keep dilly dallying around with your own thoughts or keep asking around everyone you know... Live a little!”
The couple finally dropped a teddy bear into the machine’s slot, inciting a thunderous cheer from them, while Nakyoung and Junghoon gave them a supportive applause.
“Thank you for playing!” Junghoon slightly bowed alongside Nakyoung, seeing the two exit the tent while another group of four students entered the booth with their payments ready. Receiving their pay, Junghoon turned to the woman, still troubled by one more thing. “I, uhh, get what you mean… But her ex—”
“An ex is not the same as a boyfriend or girlfriend,” she told him abruptly. “There’s an ex before those words for a reason. You really want me to keep going?”
Of course, he didn't say the woman's name, which she respected. Yet, with a similar summary of the story he has told her, she echoed Tone’s sentiment.
“Not really. I just… You've made a good point. Thanks, Nakyoung-sunbaenim.”
She latched his hand with hers. A surprising, yet welcoming act of appreciation and amiability for him. “Anytime… It's been a real pleasure talking with you, Junghoon-ssi. And please, just call me, Naky… You're a good guy, so I don't see why you have little confidence in yourself in front of this mystery gal.”
He's only known Nakyoung for this whole week. She's a dance major who also happened to be in her senior year, much like Yooyeon, Dahyun, Seoyeon, Nien, and well, Xinyu. So it gave him something new to learn and ponder from her shoes. Based on how quickly he’d gotten along with the woman, he also pondered about making his move on her or just exploring an interesting direction with her, even if he surmised, he had little to no chances of making it work. He didn’t know how else to describe this woman’s vibe, other than her mannerisms being both tomboyish and feminine.
But more unfortunately for him, the “godly” presence of Xinyu had already invaded his mind, his heart, and his conversations with others.
The realization that Xinyu joked or sincerely thought he was flirting with Nakyoung days ago only irked him for a second.
In Junghoon's mind, however, he's got Kotone to thank for making a new friend, even though their distribution of tasks were more or less based on their leaders’ choices. It’d be nice if his newfound friends and acquaintances would be able to stick around in his sphere even after this festival.
“You talked with Naky-unnie?” Speaking of the devil, emerging from the tent's entrance, Tone walked to them with a medium box of loaded nachos in her hand. “Oh, she's terrible with relationship advice, Junghoon-ie. Better be careful hanging out with her.”
“Says the one who's still single,” the older woman shot back, rolling her eyes with a smirk, but she was nevertheless welcomed to take a piece of chip from the box.
“You're also single, unnie,” she effortlessly handled her would-be tease.
“Aniya!” Nakyoung came off as a little defensive for no reason. “I'm single by choice, come on. There's a difference. And just so remember, I had a boyfriend last semester.”
“So did I.”
“You did?” Junghoon's eyes widened at this revelation, but Nakyoung only shook her head with a smirk, expecting her answer.
The woman couldn't hide her own smirk from forming, unveiling hints of pride and mischief. “Well, they weren't boyfriends to say the least, but it was a few dates…”
“I knew you'd say that.” Nakyoung crossed her arms. “Fair enough.”
“So Myungsoo-hyung wasn't lying about your little blind dates?”
“Yah… Why would I be lying to him? Or any of our gang?”
“Nothing. I just, I even thought he was lying when he said he got a girlfriend. Could’ve been something you both made up.”
“Oh, yeah!” Nakyoung chimed in. “Our club thought the same when Yooyeon-unnie told us about him.”
Hearing those two names together, Junghoon stole a glance at Kotone. Her smile had dropped with her lips pursing together, avoiding any signs of vulnerability through the presence of a heavy frown. If he wasn’t mistaken, he saw her eyes getting watery by the second. She forcefully curved her lips upwards, showing her teeth.
“I know unnie’s a visual, but I never knew she'd get herself a snack like Myungsoo-ssi,” Nakyoung continued, munching on another meat-filled chip. “I mean Tone-chan, how did you make any moves on?”
“Make a move on Myungsoo-oppa?” Kotone burst with cackles, just hearing herself repeat her unnie's words. Nakyoung could only raise both her eyebrows in confusion, slowly turning her head to Junghoon. He simply shrugged his shoulders at her with an awkward chuckle, even if he had sensed an inkling of pain or at least jealousy within his friend, knowing her secret. “A snack?” Her laughter made her body shake, she had to give the nacho box to Junghoon's hands, which he held with care. “Get outta here!”
He let her laugh through her hidden angst. His do-gooder side wanted to steer the conversation elsewhere, but he already had a problem of his own, but he knew that Kamimoto Kotone is stronger than this.
“That was funny, unnie,” the woman wiped a single tear of her eye with a knuckled fist as her laughter subsided with a few coughs.
“Okay..?” Nakyoung chuckled nervously. “I'm glad that made you laugh, Tone. Welp, I'm guessing you two really just have a sibling-like relationship. You know, most girls in our class and club have him on their lists of top five campus crushes.”
That was strike two, but Kotone shook her head off with a chuckle. She took the box from Junghoon’s hands, before taking a loud and unabashed bite of a chip. “Eh, good for him. And best of luck to them getting past Yooyeon-unnie!”
And besides, they already went off tangent within a few minutes. By that time, three more batches followed the line as only one of them was able to snatch a stuffed toy. Another student sought for a quick instruction in making a jewel for their crush.
The trio had a fun time talking and laughing, but that was it for Nakyoung and Kotone on Junghoon’s list. Xinyu was still not around his radar, making him feel a tug of war between relief and wariness. A more determined half of his spirit demanded he go look after her or ask any of the Mad Money members. But that'd be a death sentence, he added, shaking his head.
He even considered getting the thoughts of the rest of the Diamond Dreamers, but then, he had to list down all the first impressions he's had with them since last week. Chaeyeon and Jiwoo seemed inseparable. The pranksters of the group, their personalities were similar and so in sync, yet they're also distinct. He wouldn't be surprised if they were actually dating or simply being intimate. Mayu adored him, but that only made him more reserved, even though he liked meeting her. Despite her deceptively high-pitched, soft-spoken voice, she's perhaps one of the most extraverted people he's met. For him, cheerful ones may or may not be more prone to spilling his beans, though he might simply be stereotyping her. And lastly, Yooyeon would be busy hanging out with Myungsoo, as far as he's concerned.
They're a no-go, he concluded.
= = =
The next hour came with a less busier crowd. But their shift at the booth was succeeded by Yubin and Jiwoo. Yeonghwan was a third wheel, albeit a willing one. Now, he made time with another close friend while they took a walk in the middle of the campus plaza.
“Junghoon-ie... You don't have to overthink it, eh?”
“You too, Myungsoo-hyung?”
Yooyeon wasn't with him at the time, but his hand was holding a shopping bag, filled with another batch of gifts and prizes he must've won at various booths. He's already learned of his gifts for Yooyeon the other day, but this was a new batch. Lucky them.
“What do you want me to say?” he raised his empty palm. “For me to say the same exact things Tone said to you—”
He turned to him with wider eyes. “Tone told you?”
He raised his hands, the handles wrapped around his wrist as the bag now dangled below his hand. “Look, she was getting really worried about you. Don't come at her, okay? I was just worried.”
She was definitely worried about Junghoon's complexity, but the latter knew exactly why her expression must've worried Myungsoo. “I'm not gonna…”
“Don't worry about the guys either. Yeonghwan’s making his moves on Yubin-ssi, which seems to be doing well. I mean, we barely saw those two not being around together. And there's also Honggi, and—well… He's being himself.”
He let out a soft snortle. “I don't disagree on that.”
“I just really think it'd be better if you just… You know? Follow your guts and set things straight with Xinyu herself.”
“That's impossible for her.”
“Why would it be? Did she already say no?”
“She might as well be with her standards. She's gay…” He's even forgotten he'd already asked a similar question to Kotone a few days ago, but his uncertain mind persevered.
“No, she's not… She's only half gay.” That sounded better in his head.
It was strange as those words entered Junghoon’s ears. “That's not how it works.”
“I know, but what I mean is, she's not against dating men!” He stopped to look at his friend's defeated, almost blank expression. “Unless… She told you otherwise.”
Junghoon exhaled through his nostrils, before his eyes faced him. “She didn't…”
“It's obvious and simple… You like the woman. You can't hide from your own feelings, man... I mean, I heard from Tone that it's been months since you two worked together, right? And… I don't believe you're betraying anyone because you ended up liking her.”
“Really?”
“Of course… You've had time with her, like anyone with another person, and things just started fluttering in your heart. Every time she's talking or approaching, it's like you feel butterflies bursting out of your stomach. Or the usual shivers creeping up your spine.”
No matter how weirded they were phrased, the imagery of his descriptions was too immaculate for Junghoon, it made him recall his moments with Xinyu all over again, mirroring their cycles of practice and rehearsal the cast of the Thespians had made for all scenes throughout their production.
“That's a gross way of putting it… Is that really how they're teaching you in your advanced English classes? I'm not even sure that's the right expression.”
He squinted his eyes. “I know. It's a hyperbole. It's just an exaggeration, just like how you're kind of exaggerating the magnitude of this whole scenario... It's like you're not even worried about the more likely possibility of you getting rejected.”
“I'm not.” He wasn't wrong, but now that he brought it up…
“That's the thing that freaks me out. Freaks us out.”
“What does?” For him, maybe it's best he felt that way.
“You don't believe in yourself.” Those words clenched his heart. “Even in hypotheticals.”
He couldn't defend himself on that one. Instead, he stomached his thought's remark. Perhaps, that's just really me. But he knew that would be an answer that would only make Myungsoo persist and continue buttering his esteem, so he had no other choice, but to give into his straightforward advice. He's the one with the girlfriend after all. “Maybe I, uhh, should just say it to her, then. Up front.”
Myungsoo stood up from his seat, mustering up what was left of the energy he had for his friend conserved in this conversation as his volume leveled up. “Yes, exactly! Stop thinking about the many ways she can reject you and just come clean with her.”
He took a deep breath, before his lips curled upwards. “Okay, then. Thanks, hyung.”
The older one stepped closer to give him a few pats on his shoulder with a humble smile. “Anytime, bud… But… Are you sure you're not gonna ask for someone else after this?”
“I won't.” He intended to stop there with his voice commanding some sense of certainty, but his mind couldn’t handle more and more variables coming through the scenarios he had kept on playing. “I'm not…” he added. “I think.”
“You think?” Myungsoo knew he couldn't stop his friend from being like this. “That doesn't sound very reassuring.”
Junghoon cleared his throat, deafening his thoughts long enough to assure Myungsoo. “I won't. I won't. That's final, I promise.”
With a smile, Myungsoo realized he would simply have to put his trust in his bud. “Good. Now go get her answer.”
= = =
It was five-thirty in the afternoon. Running out of more impartial voices to listen to, Junghoon stepped inside the professor's office. One in particular.
“You may come in now, Junghoon-ssi.”
And yes, Myungsoo still wasn't enough. Junghoon had to ask someone older than all of them. More impartial, but maybe with more experience... It was someone he had never considered asking for advice during his three years (and counting) in Seoul State University.
“Are you asking for advice?”
Until now.
“Uh, ne, seonsaengnim.”
“But…” By the look of uncertainty in your expression, he already senses that something's off. “I'm guessing this isn't about grades, is it?”
His hands were trembling. Regret was coursing through his veins. “Joesonghamnida, Professor Jeong. I didn't mean to waste your time.”
“Oh, no, no!” He waved and shook his hands as the young man stood up in unease. “It's okay! Sit down, sit down. Come on, your grades are up. They’ve always been improving. I had a hunch you're not here for consultation. Not about academics, I presume.”
“Is it really that obvious?”
“Uh-huh… And how can you forget that we've talked about your little project case with Sohyun-ssi, which we've handled that well. Look how she's doing now. I don't see why we can't deal with this problem either. You know, just off the books.” The professor's voice of approachability persisted through his sentiment. Made Junghoon realize that any other professor wouldn't have let it slide after Sohyun confessed about their project, which he carried while she was occupied with her organization. “But—if you really aren't comfortable with it, you can just tap out, arasseo?”
And so he tried to put it as an “asking for a friend” situation. He practically transcribed a whole forum question into his own words, which someone could have called him out for committing plagiarism or a repeated question if he asked it himself online. Expounding on his words, Professor Jeong kept his attentive ears and eyes, treating the situation as his student was reciting in the lecture hall. A minute has passed as he gave a couple of nods to his pupil and placed his chin on his fingers, leading with the realization that…
“You're falling for someone. Is that what you're telling me here?”
The young man stopped his tracks, stunned with his own eyes widening and his lips slowly opening. He heaved out of nervousness and that gave away almost everything.
The professor let out a laugh, but not one that comes off as mockery or pitiful. In a way, it evokes a sense of nostalgia or yearning for a semblance of the past. And yet, Junghoon remained confused. Anxious at his next choice of words. Still, he did not want to leave.
“It's just…” he was still in disbelief. “Wow, young love really doesn't go away, does it? It's everywhere. This is new.”
“But, umm, I don't have to say who—”
“You absolutely don't have to say who. I'm here to give my two cents on the situation, not the identity of the people in it. I couldn't care less if it's a man or a woman.”
“Oh. Okay, then… Here's the thing.”
He told him the gist of his love scenario. Although the absence of context clues like with Nakyoung and background like with Kotone made his recap a little longer. But it felt like a breath of fresh air that the professor didn't ask questions while he was telling his story, nor the fact that he only asked a few as soon as he was finished.
“So… You said you never had these feelings before you two became closer friends.”
“Ne.”
“And those feelings came after they broke up with their ex?”
“That's correct.”
“Don't make this a matter of whether she'll accept your feelings or not… It's completely understandable that you're worried about her reaction, or the possibility that she hasn't moved on from her ex, but getting your feelings off your chest should be enough to help get through this, Junghoon. That's what I'm reading from you. Be clear with your intentions.”
He was basically giving a free lecture, something that made Junghoon listen on, albeit without any notes on his own phone or notebook. Every word went through his mind and heart.
“You got it?”
“Ne.”
“But also remember to give her some space. Her time, okay? Things ain't all easy as it seems. Even for them.”
And as the bell rang the second time, classes had ended for those who were attending. He offered his hand, signaling a formal handshake, which he quickly reciprocated.
Standing up from his seat, now wearing his shoulder bag, Junghoon gave Professor Jeong a bow of gratitude and farewell. “Kamsahamnida.”
He raised a fist into the air while sending off the young man outside his office. “Best of luck, my student. Hwaiting.”
Of course, he never had classes for this day or any more stuff to deal with at the festival for the evening, so he knew himself there was only one place to head to, if it wasn't any more obvious. On his way outside the department building, however, fate or whatever form of chance and circumstance had intervened as his single path to home ended up crossing with the one and only…
“Xinyu-noona…”
He hasn't seen her that often this morning, but her closed lips formed a smile. Not too apparent from afar, but it was enough to tell her relief from it. “I thought I wouldn't see you today,” she muttered, slowly walking towards him. “What're you doing here?”
“Just a short consultation with Professor Jeong.”
Her head tilted to the right. “That was pretty random… On festival week?”
“Yep… Just wanted to check my grades, since they're still not updating on the site.”
She giggled. “Oh, okay… I forgot that you're kinda grade-conscious.”
“Speaking of which, how was your festival?”
“Pretty swell… Just got some internship offers. How about you? I heard.”
“Yeah… Well, I kinda regret doing it.”
“Wae? You had fun. Seoyeon and Hyerin-ie were surprised how wild you were.”
“Something must've come over me. I'm surprised you didn't have fun with your friends.”
“We had enough. This would be our annual fourth festival, after all, so that's kind of the last thing on our minds. Most of us, at least.”
He simply nodded, with his lips pursed. “That makes sense.”
They took a walk outside the building, letting both their autopiloted legs and bodies take them wherever on campus. Passing through the less crowded areas, they saw a third of the booths in their sight started to close down before the sun set. It was neither their turn on duty to close down the arcade for today, so they had one less thing to talk about… Other than the very thing they should've been talking about to begin with.
Of course, he had to be the first one to break the silence. “Hey, look. I'm sorry…”
“Don't be…” Her tone immediately sounded remorseful. “It was just all of the sudden, you know? What you said about that feeling.” Not to mention, their accidental touch.
“I know.” His orbiting guilt couldn't even let her finish. “That's why I'm apologizing.”
“Junghoon-ah…” She paused for a moment as they kept on walking. Junghoon simply looked at her with an almost neutral expression. Dilly dallying around wasn't her style, especially in a situation as somber as this one. “Can't we just go back to being friends?”
“We still are, aren't we?” Junghoon didn't hesitate to tell her that.
“You know what I mean…”
“I wouldn't mind that, to be honest.”
“You wouldn't mind or you wouldn't care?”
She knew he couldn't choose between the two, not because he's unaware of the difference, but because he knew how he really felt.
He answered her with, “You said we should just pretend like nothing happened, right?”
“Yeah…” she only mumbled, staring deeply into his clenched hands.
That baffled him even more. “You seem eager to bring it up again.”
“I just wanna know what's going on with your mind?” she confessed. Her nerves were struck by his counter, but she didn't deny it. “What's led to this…”
He exhaled with struggle in his thoughts. “I couldn't figure it out myself either—”
“Bullshit,” she muttered with a snortle. Not letting him away easily with I don't know(s) and I'm not sure(s). “Start with when.”
“Believe me or not, I'm not sure…” Despite his uncertainty, he ought to give her an honest answer. “I first realized it that night. I guess it wasn't long before that, but I… I tried ignoring it.”
A memory reminded her. “But before that… When Sohyun and I were still together—”
It was a question he knew was bound to be asked. He still didn't know how to phrase it. “I, uhh, I didn't feel a thing for you.”
“Ouch.” That came out wrong in both their ears. And yet, such honesty amused her.
He closed his eyes. “I didn't mean it like that. I was more or less just intimidated by you.”
“Double ouch, but I guess it can't be helped.” His confession made her grin teasingly. “Lots of folks are intimated by me. Though, the feeling was mutual… I mean—I even thought you were into her back then.”
“No, no, no, noona… I didn't see her like that. I never had a close friend since Tone and the rest of the guys, but having a new friend like Sohyun-noona, and, well, you girls has changed that for me. In some way.”
“In what way?”
“Like having sisters?” Regret immediately lit up through his eyes.
Intrigue and confusion entered her psyche. “So, with Nien, is that—”
“Not in a literal way…” he had to clarify that pretty quickly. “Like having female friends.”
Though he wanted to move on, she continued to make a guess. “By having sisters… Is that, umm, how you see Kotone-yah? Is she like a sister to you?”
He could only respond with a nod.
“Did you have any siblings?” she added.
“None that I know of. I'm an only child, so…” He rarely brought up his family, but knowing more about him, something that no one else knew, was slowing down the tension Xinyu was feeling about him. When it's just the two of them. It felt calming.
Her eyes moved to the side, stealing a glance of his face. “So, it was just Nien, then?”
“Was…” His throbbing heart pushed the need to correct it. He knew what she meant. “I really did like her, but…”
Dugeun, she heard it in her chest while looking down. “Glad to hear your perspective.”
“But you and Sohyun-noona made each other happy, so I stuck with you. With the club. In time, I knew each of you more, respected your capabilities. Admired your closeness.”
She listened on to the flow of his heartfelt sentiment without the need for interruptions.
“I thought we could just be friends,” he continued, letting his heart speak. “I guess that was all I asked us to be, before this whole thing came through... I don't care what we are or what may be, but I do care about you. I'll keep caring for you and the club... Unless, you don't want that anymore.”
His final sentence triggered a pinching, prickling feeling in her heart. “Junghoon-ah…”
And in spite of Xinyu's eagerness to mutter a word, he heard a gulp from the woman. She thought this would be easy to deal with, but she underestimated how it felt to feel something or anything, no matter how unsure she was. Unfortunately, before she could form a response, they would realize that they've already reached the main campus gates.
“I'll go…” Although Xinyu noticed it first. “Take care, Junghoon-ah.” She walked off.
Junghoon slowed his breathing down as much as he could. In Xinyu's departure, his thunderstorm storm of thoughts weren't there to accumulate and save his sorrow while still standing in the silence. It's been a long and exhausting four days of exploring events or babysitting booths for everyone.
= = =
“How do you feel about her, dear?”
Junghoon saw his grandma walking up to him while his eyes stayed on the boiling pot. “It's not that simple, halmeoni.”
“I'm sure it isn't… I'm not saying it is. But then again, maybe you don't have to overcomplicate it, either.”
The broth tasted no saltiness, though savoriness was starting to sneak into his tongue. “Huh?” His halmeoni’s words did confuse him, however.
“Let me handle this.” The woman moved over to the kitchen counter, taking the ladle from her grandson, despite his plea not to. “Just do it. You’ve done everything here… Just stand there and don't think about anyone else. Just think of her.”
“How? That’s just… That doesn't make sense. Just had a little more salt to it, halmeoni.”
“Okay, then…” She followed his tip, before telling him, “Clear your mind. Of any other disruptive thought that may stand in your way. Just remember this woman… How she makes you feel. The warmth of her hand on yours, only if you have made it that far, at least. Her being around your company. How comfortable do you feel, Junghoon-ie?”
He closed his eyes for a bit. A few memories flashed and sprinkled across his mind. Particularly their walks at Keuri-go Park. “She makes me feel really good, I guess.”
“Go on. How does she make you feel good?”
“Just her company. Her humor and her confidence. It's out of this world. She makes me comfortable. Even though her hands were cold, they were calming. It always surprised me when she just latched onto my hands, but they always felt comforting… Some people call her ice queen or a cold-hearted princess, but they just don't know her enough.”
“And what do you know about her that other people don't?”
“She’s passionate about her work. She cares about her clubmates, her fellow thespians.”
His grandmother let out a chuckle. “There you go, dear…”
“You seem to know a lot about things like this.”
“Just enough… Your mother and father were beating around each other's bushes when they were younger… I guess, some things haven't changed."
She's barely brought up his parents. Not since they passed. Hearing them without a heart-wrenching sensation in his chest felt soothing, somewhat nostalgic even.
His eyes lit up and widened with curiosity. “Were they really like that?”
“Mmm-hmm… They weren't all that close when they were studying, but they made it work. I didn't even know they were mingling behind our backs until they graduated! Those lovebirds couldn't hold it in.”
Her laughter infected Junghoon. He rarely remembered anything substantial about them, unless he had to ask her or look into their family albums. He didn't remember them being in love, but he'd rather have the benefit of the doubt that perhaps, he was simply too young to remember everything.
She placed her palms on his shoulder. “Hey, if this girl is not interested in you, then it shouldn’t be a big deal, okay? It may hurt, but you'll just have to own it and live with it. There's more plentiful fish in the sea, dear.”
“That's so cliché, halmeoni.” She's not wrong, but her delivery made him shake his head.
“That doesn't mean it's untrue,” she countered, leaving her grandson with a chuckle of acknowledgement. “You know, the thing with you young-ins days these is that—”
“Halmeoni,” he whined, making her laugh out loud at his reaction. She knew it would get him, but she truly wanted to ease the storm of worries swirling within his heart.
“Things will get better, my grandson.”
“Thanks, halmeoni… Now please drink your medicine, all right?”
“Way ahead of you… Also, dinner's ready, if it's all good with you.”
It's been days since we wanted to make sure. And now, there was no one else for him to confide in, no one he'd chosen, at least. And yet, after all those talks and consultations, it didn't feel enough for Junghoon. And then, another realization sprung up. Maybe it's no longer about confiding, nor reassurance that he's looking for. On the same night, he just wanted to take one last stop in order to “get this over with,” once he's done with dinner.
= = =
A few hours later. Inside his room, Junghoon has been waiting on his desk for the past ten minutes, seeing himself on his old computer’s screen, before Sohyun’s face finally appeared with him on the video calling program. It was 10:14 P.M in Korea.
He raised his hand to wave at her. “Hey, noona…” His heart accelerated at a steady pace.
“Junghoon-ah!” The background and overall surroundings of the café wall behind her was bright as day, and so was her expression. “I was wondering when you'd call me.”
That made him think of everyone else. “Have the others—?”
“Yep.” She took a bite of her biscuit. “They were the first, actually.”
“I'm glad to hear that,” he told her while she took a sip of her cup of coffee.
“Just yesterday, we talked for like almost two hours. Like each of them couldn't stop yapping about their day, ‘cause they all can't be staying in the booth and enjoying the festival at the same time!”
He couldn't help but smile wider. “You must've had no idea how much they missed you.” It's as if he never had a problem in the past week or two. That's just how things went.
“I imagined it a while back,” she admitted with her watery eyes. “But I guess I have now, so I don't have to imagine them anymore… I missed them a ton… All of you, you know.”
“Me too, noona… And I'm guessing you've also met the new members?”
“Oh, definitely! We even exchanged our contacts just after the call.”
“I see you still got that Park Ssaem charisma,” he teased. “Even from the other side of the world.”
“Oh, would you stop that?” she chuckled. “They were just really, really fun to get along with. It's not that hard to explain it, but seeing those two reminded me of when we first got together as a small-time club.”
She was referring to the founding of the Mad Money Club, which he or Yubin weren’t a part of, but seeing Sohyun with her smile and nonstop talking gave Junghoon a sense of nostalgia. For a time that might not happen ever again. Not in the same fashion, at least. “Really? Care to list down your first impressions of them?”
“Are you quizzing me now just because I'm not there, while you’re wilding out on every booth you find and winning a lot of stuff on your own?” she grinned, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m not even gonna ask how you found that out, but it's not like that. I'm just curious, that's all. The old meeting the new sounds intriguing. It's a bummer I even missed it.”
“That's what you get for working at the booths too hard,” she pouted. “But, since you asked nicely, first and foremost, Hyerin was pretty adorable. She's too passionate about helping at the booth… Kaede-chan was also super duper cute, but she was definitely much tougher to get in touch with. I should've probably practiced a little more Japanese… But speaking of Kaede, I heard that you're able to ‘soften her up’ during your first meeting.”
There was no doubt in his mind she'd bring it up. “Yeah... That moment was also tough for me the first time.”
“You mean scary?” she leaned closer into the screen, playfully intimidating him, strikingly mirroring the vibe he had felt from the younger member at the time.
“Not that scary…” He shook his head from side to side, though his exterior of a smooth and deepened voice was shaking at the recollection of that moment.
“I heard you froze when she kept asking you about your role in the club.”
He couldn't help but be more playfully aggressive. “Okay, who told you? Did Dahyu—”
“Everyone did.”
He sighed in defeat. “Of course, they did.”
“Don’t worry, hoobae… I'm really proud you've gotten yourself out of your shell for that situation. You showed Kaede-chan that respect is something that she's gotta give, if she wants to earn it from everyone… You've been a part of the Mad Money Club, Junghoon. No one's telling you otherwise.” She's still the same old mentor he looked up to.
“I, umm, that was hell of a compliment. Gomawayo, noona.”
“Don't mention it. We're always glad to have you... All of us.”
He wanted to say it. Steer the conversation elsewhere. But he also missed her presence. So he did his best, prolonging their conversation in the next thirty minutes, until he got the chance to talk about her current state of affairs in her new home.
Junghoon led the change of subject with, “So… How's Paris so far, noona?”
“Not too bad. I remembered some stuff online really hit hard around here, but yeah—”
Her voice had hints of discomfort and snickering. “We're they right about the city?”
“I'm afraid they're not too far off. Parts of the city are well… Not the cleanest, I think the neighborhoods outside campus are a million times cleaner compared to here.”
“I'm sure there are still great parts of it, right?”
“Of course, of course! The Eiffel doesn't look like it's rusting yet. Unlike the love locks on their bridge.”
They exchanged a moment of unbridled laughter.
“You're talking about that lovers’ bridge, right?” Junghoon had taken another steer.
“Mmm-hmm. They did stop putting locks there years ago, though, but I still couldn't help but imagine it being there at times when I was there as a kid… It's like, I wanted those things to stay there.”
Deep down, he wondered if she felt the same thing about her old flame.
“And by the way, food's pretty good, too…” she added. “And oh yeah, the surroundings did get much cleaner when officials were preparing for the Olympics, so I gotta give them some credit.”
A few more minutes would pass. Sohyun gave him more highlights of French culture, the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all. Eventually, she ran out of words by the fortieth minute. And that's when he gave in to the guilt-ridden temptation of bringing up Xinyu.
“I hope I'm not ruining the mood, you said you talked with everyone in the club.”
“Maja… Just speak your mind.”
“Okay… Then that means, umm, you and Xinyu-noona you've also reconnected, right?”
“Yeah, we've talked, too. It was…” She gave out a heavy sigh. “Weird. And strange.”
Out of desperation, his thoughts regressed, hoping it would allow him to escape his problem. “Things usually are, but I'm sure it'll get better once you try and talk about starting things over again with—”
“Aniya,” she interrupted him with a somber smile. He only froze, clueless on what to say next, like she turned down his implied suggestion.
“What?”
“We're not getting back together,” she told him up front. No tears in her behind her eyeglasses. Not a sight of twitch in her fingers or any sign of discomfort. At least, not one that one could see. Who wouldn't be uncomfortable hearing the name of their ex?
“Why not?” he kept digging. “Noona… What happened? When you two reconnected.”
“It's what we both decided…” She pursed her lips for a second, producing a sound that broke their air of silence. “We've been friends before. I don't see why we can't now.”
“Oh… But is that how you feel?”
“What I feel?” she almost chuckled at his question. But she wasn't too bothered. “I don't think that's what matters to me right now, but… A part of me wants to heal from this… I couldn't keep wallowing in my past, because I have a life here now.”
He tried examining her face, but she knew how she felt. What she truly wanted. Bittersweet as it might be, he sensed a glimmer or hope of happiness from her.
“I know what you're trying to do, Junghoon-ie.”
However, he failed to sense her gaze of suspicion, something he's failed to do in the past.
Panic set in within seconds, leaving him almost paralyzed. “What?”
“And I appreciate it.” But her voice remained composed. Welcoming, still. “If I'm being honest, it was hard for me to adjust here…”
“I can't imagine how it must've been.”
“I'm feeling happier now, to say the least. Made a couple of friends.”
“I hope they're treating you well.”
“Oh, they very much are. And I met some folks from Korea, too, but I'm not too close with all of them yet.”
“It’ll all work out, noona. You being you should be enough to find more people to vibe with. Someone like the Mad Money Club.”
“I hope it will… But, I also want to thank you so much for taking care of her. Of Xinyu. The girls wouldn't have been there, back with the new club, if it weren't for you.”
“It's the promise I made, so…”
“Don't just do it because of our promise. I'm just happy none of you are having a fallout or some big fight, but I hope you stay with them as long as you want.”
Despite her moment of reassurance, he's felt even more unsure on how to deal with this emotional turmoil he's facing and keeping all to himself.
“Is everything all right, Junghoon-ah?” In all of their time together, he rarely got the chance to speak around a crowd, but when it's one on one, it was not hard for someone close to him, especially like Sohyun, to read Junghoon's face when he's in deep thought. “Did Xinyu tell you about me or something? Did any of them say something strange or worrying?”
The thing is she didn't. I mean barely. Around him, of course. He was just an assistant. A friend she made half a year ago. He's the one who told her something strange.
“I'm guessing you wanna tell me something about her? Should I be worried about something?”
Something miniscule had been itching throughout his body. Tempting himself to open his mouth and just say it. Just those words. Variations of them. “I'm falling for your ex-girlfriend. I'm falling for her. It's fucking insane, but I don't know how else to put it… Please don't be mad at me—”
“Our friendship is over. Stay away from her.”
“I swear I didn't mean for things to happen this—”
“You call yourself a friend? You fucking creep—”
“Please… I'll just stop. I don't have to tell her anything—”
“You and Xinyu?” she burst out laughing. You saw her almost spilling her mug off her table. “Fat chance, you fat—”
“It's nothing,” he could only answer her with a slight chuckle. “There’s nothing that she hasn't told you before…” just before adding, “Not that I know of.”
“That's nice,” she told him while she heaved a sigh. “Xinyu-yah really is feeling better. You had me worried there for a sec.”
“I’m just…” he heaved as well. He didn't want to make things worse. “I really hope things are doing better there, noona. I hope… We can see you more often soon.”
“Well… I'm not sure about that yet. Maybe, I'll check my schedule for a holiday… But I also hope things are great back there at home, Junghoon. Say hi to halmeoni for me, arasseo?”
Another breath of relief left his mouth, but he didn't know what to feel relieved about. “Of course! I will, noona. Take care...”
Maybe reconnecting with her was more than enough. Hearing how she still felt for her ex. But it kept bugging him, so maybe he could still do a last second to finally set it s—
“All right, all right…” Sohyun's eyes appeared less agitated. It's her usual calmness, even Junghoon could feel like he had said enough, based on her gaze. “Take care of yourself, Junghoon-ie. Kalke!” Sohyun waved at him from her screen. He waved back, the same time she ended the call a second later.
That was it. My only chance to admit the truth. Way to go, Geum Junghoon.
Okay… So that only went… Nowhere, Junghoon thought to himself. And yet, little did he realize that, maybe all his halmeoni, professor, Kotone, and even Nakyoung were all right about their insight. Maybe he shouldn't think of this as complicated as it should be. Perhaps everything simply leads to this. He had to face his own feelings, head-on, since by the end of the day, the worst he can receive is a no. Or a broken friendship, but he'd rather dial it back to getting a good ol’ fashioned rejection from Zhou Xinyu, and then negotiate for friendship, if that's even possible. Or don't, and just accept the consequences of his risky actions, even though he hasn't even made a decision yet.
He's had sleepless nights because of it. A young love like his should not be this complicated. He knew it's not love, but the feeling's enough to drive him crazy. He knew she was not taken or actively interested in anyone anymore. She made it clear she wasn't into dating or seeing anyone in general, but that's also none of his business.
But guilt kept crawling on his back with its piercing legs. His lungs were pumped up with anxiety before he could breathe out and speak with remorse. By the end of his talks, however, he realizes that things didn't have to be this difficult, if he just stopped thinking about those factors that paralyzes him. About Xinyu’s thespian folks. About the voices. About their differences. About Sohyun. The simple truth is, he just likes Xinyu, and if that's a crime, it is one that he’d be willing to pay and get punished for.
His phone vibrated. A text was sent from Xinyu herself. A surprise, to be sure.
[Meet me tomorrow after the booths close.]
[Only if you're free.]
[Are you free?]
Still unsure if it's a welcome one, however.
The typing icon from the other side kept moving whenever he tried to type something. Is she going back and forth with her messages? Three seconds later, they both stopped.
[Just reply if you're free or not.]
[Please.]
He couldn't help but chuckle. Somehow, he's hearing her groan out of embarrassment from the other side of the screen just for typing another follow-up reply. Now, he began typing his response, realizing there was no other way from this mess he had made.
The only way was forward, and he just had to make and find the time for that. They have made almost every afternoon ever since Junghoon enlisted as her production assistant, to a mere fellow producer. The same walk. The same park she treated as a safe space.
They became good and reliable friends. There was no doubt from him about that. And in his hopeless spirit, tomorrow night might end it, now that Xinyu has probably made up her mind and contacted him for the first time ever since they've "ghosted" each other.
{I'm free tomorrow, noona.}
= = =
On the fifth night of the festival, Junghoon planned to check on his closest friends when he got a call from Xinyu, five minutes after wrapping up the Love Arcade Booth or the Jewelry Stand with their clubmates. She rarely called him, while he never called anyone unless necessary, and so he suspected she was serious in meeting him, reminding him of her text last night.
For this week, this was about the second time they’re spending time without the accompaniment of Mad Money Club, the Diamond Dreamers, or even his closest buds. Maybe it’s because of his promise to Sohyun as to why Junghoon rarely ever said ‘no’ whenever Xinyu asked for his sole companionship.
Up to this point, he hasn’t questioned why she would ask him, and only asked him to go with her to walks like this. The only question that was now lingering in his thoughts is why her presence started to make him feel things again, which is the last thing he wants to happen, especially whenever he’s with her—especially now that she finally was aware of his once hidden affection.
As per usual, they took a stroll across the local Keuri-go Park. Away from all the buzzes and ringing they’ve experienced throughout most of the week, they found time to relax within each other’s presence. Just the two of them around strangers minding their own businesses after sunset.
“So, Seoyeon-noona just texted that she, Soda-noona, and Hyerin-ssi were able to count a total of 857,921 won from our Love Arcade. That's not even counting our collab wit—”
“Aniya, aniya…” Xinyu aimlessly whisked her hand. “We agreed to finalize the whole costs and earnings by the weekend… But that's not why I texted you last night.”
“Oh… Okay.” This is it. It's bound to lead into this. “That's just a T.M.I. then.”
They just walked past the playground and the grand garden, when she was staring at her right palm and her fingernails. “I hope I didn’t ruin any of your plans tonight.”
“Aniya,” he affirmed. “Gwaenchanayo, noona. I didn’t really have much to do.”
“You and your buddies aren’t gonna hang out and celebrate?”
“Well, you called me first, so you must need my help with something.”
She started rubbing her hands together. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“We had fun in the past few days... We're mostly together the whole festival.”
“Why didn’t you hang out with them now then? Why'd you say yes to my text?”
“I guess you’re more important tonight,” he asserted, albeit coyly. “I haven’t got to hang out with you in a while, so when you hit me up, I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
Her face was heating up, blushing pink. Such realization made her shiver beside him.
“What’s the matter, Xinyu-noona?” He, too, slowly noticed the sudden change of color on her face. Based on his observation, his mind immediately thought of the extreme. “Wait, did you drink before meeting me here? I told you not to—”
“No!” exclaimed Xinyu, startling even herself, before lowering her voice. “I’m sorry, but umm no, I’m not drunk. I can’t and shouldn’t, remember? Especially not for this.”
“And this is?”
“This is just—Arghh!” she groaned, upset with her own inability to say what her mind has been telling her for a while. “I’m not the best at expressing myself… On things like this. Just bear with me for a bit, mmm?”
Little did he know, she’s not that far off from feeling similar things. That night must’ve done more than just shake her up. It still lingers within her. In spite of her own internal embarrassment, she couldn't keep her eyes off him. She’s sober as a judge, but coming up with any logical and comprehensible response was something she was finding difficult to think of at this very moment. Yet there’s a rhythm that only she could hear inside her.
Dugeun. Dugeun. Dugeun. Dugeun.
Junghoon was oblivious, or just hesitant to predict her next words. “Things like what?”
“What you said last week. And before that.”
“Yeah?” His head tilted to the side. “I thought we’ve gone over that.”
“I don’t wanna keep beating around the bush,” she told him with a straight cadence. “Why am I like this?” she whispered the latter to herself, finally breaking her already crumbling walls of hesitation after letting out a shaky sigh.
He’s starting to feel a bit concerned by her strange behavior, unsure whether or not she answered his question truthfully. “Okay..?”
She raised her voice a little louder, more commanding. “You said you like me, right?”
Such a statement and delivery caught him off guard. But he couldn't make himself look like a fool. Just chill and shake off any tension. She will just turn you down. No biggie. Isn’t this what I wanted? Some kind of closure? Just don’t talk too much. As he was now flooded with thoughts, his mind started to panic, just as his heart was beating louder.
“I–I said that in the sense that I very much respect you, sunbae,” Junghoon stammered. Now, he's just lying poorly. “You know when you’re… I mean, who doesn’t—” But out of nowhere, he locked in on his cadence and straightened his posture. She already knows, and there's no point in taking everything back. “Let’s make it clear: who wouldn’t like you? You’re Zhou Xinyu. You're a likeable person, in general.”
She's flabbergasted. And kinda impressed. “And what made you like me? In general?”
“You’re a campus star!” he gave his first point, toughening his chest and his tone.
A little superficial for her, though. She raised an eyebrow. “You like me for my fame?”
“That's not what I mean, noona.”
But she wanted to hear more. “Then what else makes me generally likeable as a person?”
It seemed like she was simply quizzing him. Messing with him in a playful manner. And yet, the more and longer she listened, things were becoming much, much clearer to her.
“You are beautiful, confident, creative, hilarious, and responsible—”
“Hmmm… You're just listing traits. What makes me all of those?”
“Well… First off, you're not as cold or cunning as they say you are. You are cunning, but that's just your way of being confident, you know? That makes you admirable and umm, kinda cute, to be honest.”
She let out a chuckle. Her cheeks had been slowly reddening, but Junghoon just couldn't notice. He kept going, gave his all in what could be their final time in this peaceful place.
“Whether you're a performer or a part of the production, you showed how passionate you are, noona. You might be serious or strict at the crew at times, but you're like that because you care about the whole project. You care about them not wasting their own efforts by letting themselves keep slacking off…”
She was hearing parts about herself she wouldn't expect to hear, not from him, but her chest began to thump louder and louder. “Yeah? What else?”
“I really like that you don't care what anyone else thinks… You just do something when you set your mind into it. Even if life has been one big pain in the ass, you kept going…”
Her smile widened, as her eyes began to appear watery. “Go on…” And yet, she kept herself from tearing up. The water simply stayed in her eyes, making herself glisten.
He would've kept going even if she forced him. “You've always been approachable when your friends need you. Even if you're not in the mood, you always push yourself to be with them, because you know they’ve also been there for you when it felt the hardest.”
Dugeun. Dugeun. Dugeun, she just kept hearing it inside her. “I like you, Junghoon-ah.”
“And I really like it too when you’re being sincere and honest, just like—” A collective ding throughout the neurons in his brain shattered his trains of thought. “What?!”
Despite his mouth still being open, no words nor sound came out of it. His mind kept its guard closed with counterarguments of doubt and deflection. But his heart wasn't lying.
Xinyu kept her hands clasped, absorbing every once of the heat she might need to bear this cold spring breeze. “I’ve thought about what you said last time... And for a while now, I don’t think I can keep ignoring it anymore.” Junghoon hasn’t heard her sound this serious, not in a long time. Not when it’s just the two of them. “I like you, too.”
“What I said… But, how about you and Sohyun-noona—”
He knew Sohyun’s perspective the night before. But he felt too vulnerable to trust or assume anything else at the moment. Right now, he wanted to rid himself of his doubts. Her name had always shaken Xinyu, yet here and now, she didn't feel a single puncture.
“We did catch up with the rest of the girls, that’s true,” she began to clarify. “But even though we had a rough breakup, we talked things out and… I’m still happy for her as a friend. That’s it... Just don't think about her, Junghoon.” She took a step closer to him, making him take a deep breath at her gaze. “Not anyone else… Let’s talk about us, now. And consider this. Without anyone else.”
“Xinyu-noona…” he was still at a loss for words, yet she’s already in front of him with a look of yearning. He recalled Tone’s words, about fumbling his chance. Nakyoung’s risk taker view. Myungsoo’s all-in advice. The professor's cautiousness. His grandma's lovey dovey comparisons. He still didn't believe what he just heard right now. All his days of asking for words have led to this night. “Did you mean that? Do you really…like me?”
“Every word…” A soft smile formed on her face, yet her words kept going, spiraling into mixed inflections of distress, confusion, thrill, and elation, as she let her heart speak to him. “I thought we’d just be fine as friends and you are a great friend. But I don’t know, it’s just—Aish… I start to feel strange whenever you’re around, and I know it all sounds cheesy and high school-like and it is so unlike me! But whenever we hang out or touch hands. Or when I just… See you. And realize, I don’t hate that feeling… I just haven't felt that in a long time, but I never hated it, Junghoon… And, umm, I’m sorry that it took me a while to think things through, but, if you don’t like me any—”
Junghoon pulled her inches closer in a soft yet staunch embrace. In his arms, Xinyu’s eyes closed slowly, smiling, as she felt his soft and intimate warmth enveloping her in seconds. Her tempestuous heartbeat calmed down, yet it still fluttered on the same tempo and volume when she was still looking at him eye to eye moments ago.
“You took your time just right,” he muttered next to her ear. “I really, really, really like you Xinyu-noona.”
Xinyu's smile widened at his affirmed and repeated confession, before reciprocating his with her much longer arms wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him in closer. A little bit tighter, without discomfort. They didn't need anyone else tonight. Simply each other.
Walking around Keuri-go like last time in the middle of nine o’clock in the evening was nothing new to them. But now, the two finally feel and acknowledge the sparks between them. Their heartbeats are fluttering within each other’s presence. Smiling and looking away from each other whenever they ended up staring at each other’s eyes at the same moment. Yet they can’t help but interlock their hands while they giggle and chuckle in between the silence.
“Why…” he mumbled beside her ears, still curious. “Why’d you say yes?”
The woman turned to him with a face which he couldn't quite fully read, but it didn't come off as anything negative or hesitant. She only tightened her grip on his hand, wearing a soft smile which melted his heart. “Why not?”
He didn't know how else to answer her. No one could read minds, only his own. For weeks, he tried to figure out the complexity of his troubled mind and heart, like it was an equation that required the greatest minds or love gurus that he knew to solve it. Yet, all it took both to shut up was for Xinyu to tell him those two words. Nothing had followed inside his thoughts, although his heart continued to race. He kept looking at their hands, held together, swaying with the breeze of this one blossoming spring night.
With this realization, Junghoon felt a sensation he hasn't welcomed in a while. Not with someone else. He felt at ease. At ease of being infatuated with someone.
“Well…” He took his time to process things a little longer, but there was no other alternative to this scenario. This was real. “I can't say it's not unexpected, noona…”
“Oh, you know… I just wouldn't want to leave you hanging.”
“Wait… Don't tell me you were actually super shy just seconds ago and now you're being all like this.”
“Shut up,” she giggled in embarrassment, quickly covering her face in their tangled hands, much to his surprise. “I didn't prepare a script for that!”
She still managed to make him laugh, even though she's more determined to be vulnerable to him. With him. No matter how new this experience may be for both of them. It's one thrilling leap she had taken with him.
“I didn't mean to avoid you the whole week… I just… I wanted to think, feel, and be with myself for a while.”
“Oh…” So that's why. “Right.” She had her own decision to make.
She placed her palm on his cheek. “I didn't mean to shut you out, Junghoon-ah…”
Aside from the time he took her home after her drunken mess, he had rarely seen how she's feeling, how she barely expressed her true self. And now that they're “trying this out,” this must be his chance to do better by her. To pay more attention to her beyond the now broken window of their friendship, as it's grown into something much bigger.
“Gwenchana, noona…” He rubbed her temple with his thumb, gently. “I didn't take it that way either. You have every right not to rush anything… I'm happy you took your time.”
= = =
“So,” he broke their silence. “Are you going home now?”
Xinyu squinted her eyes and lowered her head, pouting her lips. “Do you want me to?”
“No, no!” he panicked at her suspicion. “It’s just… You know, it’s late. Your parents and Mr. Yi or any of your other bodyguards might be looking for you around this hour. We’re not even on campus. Wouldn’t they be worried if you haven’t gotten home early?”
Xinyu chortled. “You’re kinda cute when you become so defensive.”
“I’m serious, noona.”
She pecked his cheek, leaving him flustered. “Don’t worry about them… They’ll know I’m just out with friends, because I told them it’s still the festival on our campus. So, because of that…” She caressed his face. “Let’s just stay here for a while, hmm?”
Junghoon smiled at her gesture. “With a sweet voice like that, I can’t really say no.”
“Oh yeah..?” She leaned closer into his face. “What if I use this voice instead?”
Surprised by her advances, he inched away, though he still keeps his hands interlocked with hers. His reaction confuses her at the same moment, with her mouth slightly open.
“Noona!” he panicked for a second time. “I’m sorry, I just… I’m a bit nervous, even though I shouldn't because, you know?”
The surprise on her face quickly turns into a smile. With their hands together, she pulls him in a little closer. Her eyes easily level with his with endearment, and it’s no surprise considering they’re almost the same height.
Xinyu maintained her sweet and sultry tone. “Because what? Mmmm..?”
Junghoon gulps and gives a peck to Xinyu on her left cheek for a moment, like she did to him earlier, before inching a foot away from her. And once again, she's caught off guard.
He looks down in embarrassment at his attempt, but takes another breath to speak out. “I’m a man, and I should take initiative first.”
Xinyu giggles. “Silly… I never knew you had an old-fashioned side in you, Junghoon-ah. Come here…”
There's a little bit of tugging between them. Xinyu held each of his cheeks with her palms, the coldness melting away once they made contact with his warm face. In her gaze facing his, she cooed at his hesitation. Her gentle touch was enough to calm and tell him, Don't be afraid. Trust me. Touch me.
She pulled him closer to her, leaning into his face as she closed her eyes with a smile. Their lips touched for the first time. Junghoon’s eyes widen at her dauntless advances, but the electrifying sensation he’s now feeling only encourages his eyes to close in the process. Feeling each other’s spark through their kiss, he reciprocated Xinyu’s yearning with his own burning passion towards her, as he slowly leaned down for her to hold him. With their hands still holding each other, their lips subconsciously move along to the throbbing beats of their hearts. At that moment, everything around them seems to have frozen except for them, as their shared sensation is warm and sweet.
After a few seconds, their lips part to catch their breaths. Smiles appear on their faces, not wanting to take their eyes off each other.
Such a new experience left him dumbstruck. “Wow…”
“How was it?” She anticipated his answer with a warm smile.
“I think…” he couldn't hold his laughter. “I couldn't think. I may need to assess it again.”
Xinyu chuckled at his remark and gave a peck to his lips. Junghoon stared at her and the two went in for a deeper and longer kiss. With their eyes closed once again, Junghoon puts his arms on her waist while Xinyu wrapped hers around his neck. Yearning for each other without the concept of an end.
But their lips would still part to catch one’s breath, and yet, they still lean into each other and melt into each other's sweet and snuggly embrace.
“Are you sure you're not going home yet?” he asked her again.
She pondered. “I’m not sure I want to yet. Unless we can go somewhere else…”
“Where?”
“Can we like umm… Maybe hang out somewhere else? I was thinking if we can head back to campus, but I doubt it’s still open.”
“I don't think halmeoni is home yet. She usually goes out of town with some of the neighbors during weekends, so…”
After their walk, they ended up taking a fifteen-minute bus trip to Junghoon's residence. The fresh couple hung out in the living room, sitting right next to each other on the red couch while the television played a variety show in the background. They held hands, as they have been doing so for the past half an hour and stared through the windows of each other's souls.
Tonight, they were simply too both irresistible to each other's charms as they can't help but keep hugging with every opportunity they get, echoing their loud, resonating heartbeats. They took turns giving each other a loving peck on the lips or cheek or forehead.
“This feels sweet… I never knew you'd be this sweet,” Xinyu leaned into his shoulder.
He smiled at the sight of her comfort, one he'd never expect to feel. “Neither did I.”
“About me? Or yourself?”
“Both… I guess. I thought you’re more—” he bursts into laughter.
She laughed with him. “Yah, Geum Junghoon! I’m not that aggressive!”
They laughed off her response, yet they exchange looks of genuine curiosity in the moment that follows. A side of her that he rarely saw. Not personally, anyways, but it alarms him.
“Unless…” she leaned closer. “You want me to be. Hmm..?”
Junghoon gulped in an instant, feeling his lips and throat already dry. Yet, instead of him backing away from Xinyu, he took her into his arms once again, much to her surprise.
“Maybe we should take things slow…” he whispered. “If that’s okay with you, noona.”
He kissed her first this time, to her surprise. She fell for his charm nonetheless. It’s a side of him that Xinyu or anyone else has never seen before. Upon opening their eyes once again, she looked at him in disbelief, her eyes sparkling at his sudden advances.
She felt her heart burning, melting during their moment. “Junghoon-ie…”
“Just not too slow,” he clarified.
She hit him in the shoulder and giggled, before pulling him into her lips once again. His thoughts shut off, letting his senses and desire take over for this miraculous moment.
= = =
so, yeah... this part is just an extra yap session, so feel free to skip to the end if you're not interested.
I've made "some" additions I'm not sure I'm happy adding, but I'll just be content with this final version. maybe it's a little rushed cos of the time jump, but I did my best to justify and lengthen the whole falling for each other bit as much as I could. the pairing may come off as a little strange (idk), or at least the lead-up to it is, but maybe that's just how it's meant to be. not everyone will like them together or have to like them.
anyways, I just wanna yap a little about the controversy weeks ago. feel from to skip. It was honestly disappointing, of course, but I'll keep on writing for tripleS. I'm not defending their statement, but I think it's best that you don't look up to idols for their politics. celebrities are also people, and they can have diff opinions or be wrong about things based on their own privilege and upbringings. it's tricky, but we can only hope that things don't get any worse than that and, you know, they can improve and get better in time, just like we should, too, with ourselves. I guess, that's just the optimism in me. they're amazing artists, and they've done a lot of good too.
also, this is an au, take it as it is. it's basically escapism, as much as it's also a heightened reflection of reality. there are deviations from our world, good, bad, and in-between... if you want, we can just assume she never had that stance in this universe, as early as this point. okay, I'll stop right here.
anyways, thank you so much for reading. feedback is appreciated, but I'm just glad some of y'all are reading. I'll do my best on the next fic! maybe before the next chapter (which will most likely be as long as this), I'll do by best to write some shorter ones. have a great day!
