#maybe aspergers

[add-things]

Sometimes I forget I’m not a horrible person if my brain simply refuses to work in another way than the way it can manage to work 

[localpsychwardclown]

In this journey of self discovery, here is a (non-exhaustive list) of my fave sensations/stims (still figuring out which is which haha whoops), special interests, hyperfixations, and all things ND!

(will probably get updated as time goes by)

Visual-ish

- transparent (sometimes translucent) colored items that I can observe but also chew hold: soaps, beads, buttons, small toys, you get it.

- transparent objects filled with water and glitter: toys, shakers, lava lamps, 90′s stationary, cups (usually for kids), that sort of thing (bonus: sound!)

- objects with 2 or more different types of liquids with different density: paperweights, those 90′s bathroom sets with the blue liquid and the duck floating, lava lamps (again)

- anything covered in glitter and ALL kinds of glitter (fine, chunky, shaped, etc)

- BUBBLES. Making them, seeing them, popping them. Bubbles.

- fluorescent/phosphorescent things (bonus if contrasted with dark backgrounds): highlighters, glowsticks, etc. 

- iridescent things

Olfactory

- petrichor

- fresh / clean linen

- scented pens

- almond oil

- Lots of essential oils, too many to list (but i can make a list if someone wants me to) they help with anxiety, ADD, etc

- citrus scents

Objects (tactile? or just things that I love and/or have had collections of)

- novelty erasers

- liquid motion paperweights 

- lava lamps

- pencilcases (so.many. pencilcases. sorry mom)

- gel pens

- skulls

- stuffed animals

- those little plastic things that look like 3-legged tables that sometimes came in pizza boxes

- ROCKS AND CRYSTALS

- backpacks (the weirder, the better)

Physical 

- being completely submerged/ under water 

-  bouncing leg

- squishing my own face

- rubbing the tip of my fingers against each other and feeling how soft it is

- weighed objects

- SWINGS! (to bad my adult ass doesn’t fit in them :( )

- petting really soft textures like stuffed animals and fuzzy blankets

- squishing things in general 

Safe/fave foods

- BREAKFAST FOODS: coffee, scrambled eggs, cereal, pancakes, porridge, soft-boiled eggs, french toasts, etc

- donuts!

- strawberry milk

- sandwiches

- fruits

- cheese

- anything pasta-related

Special Interests and hyperfixations through the years

- dogs

- space

- specific colors : blue, purple, black

- languages (and everything related)

- airplanes

- giant squids

- the global weather forecast (interactive real-time maps make me go apeshit) ( i guess it could count as a visual stim too?)

- PINK ELEPHANTS

- Cajun history, culture, music, food... everything.

- skulls

- twinkling or fairy lights (bonus if colored)

What about you?

[add-things]

ADD/Aspie? problems

If you’re Aspie, Autistic or ADHD I need your help. Please, I need to know Im not going insane....

For a while now I’ve felt like I might be on the autistic spectrum too as well as having ADHD PI. When I got tested for ADHD the second time the expert claimed it was impossible I had ADD and rather thought my results looked like OCD. Also, my sister is diagnosed with Aspergers. I read somewhere that siblings of autists often display autistic symptoms even if they wouldn’t be diagnosed when tested. I’ve done my fair share of therapy in my life, and I always felt that it didn’t really help with the real problem(s). I’ve been dianosed with stuff like

- Depression/ Mild Depression/ Winter Depression

- Social Anxiety Disorder

- Generalised Anxiety Disorder

- Bipolar Disorder

- Mood issues due to hormones ™️

- Issues due to boredom and a high IQ

- auditory processing issues

- bla bla bla yaddayadda

None of it I ever felt cut to the case. When I started Methylphenidate I stared to feel more “normal” and less “out of it” for a lack of a better description. My mood stabilised and Improved. That was the only thing that helped so far.

My real problem, however, is routines and time schedules. Planning and keeping up with my life. Creating schedules that make me happy and feel calm instead of angry because I constantly have to change them. Whenever there is no structure in my life, I get worse. And the structure cannot just be any loosely planned idea, it needs to account for me missing/loosing/misplacing things and then the plan, the whole nice planned out day is garbage because I’m behind and that messes up my whole plan.

There’s a couple of issues I have, namely internalised intense shame, being neurodivergent and being queer. None of which was ever recognised by any of my therapists. Instead I got diagnosed with all kinds of bullshit that ticked their boxed, and none of the treatments helped. None of it. I was like I was an alien talking a different language.

Now I feel like right now I need structure, routines that make me happy, my environmrnt needs to change or I’m going to just keep loosing the will to get out of bed.

I feel like I‘m losing a battle and I have been for a long time. I just want to hide and cover my ears and not deal with my life or people/mess/noise/bright lights/moving objects/desicion making in general.

Hide and watch all Star Trek series from beginning to end until I die from old age.

I dunno, is it possible I have been misdiagnosed so crassly? Did take them about about 16 years to come up with ADHD too so...

I just know that if I‘d be super planned doing relaxing stuff in very serene routines I‘d snap into being the happiest personality ever. That. Is. Not. Depression. That. Also. Isn‘t. Anxiety.

What the fuck should I do? I‘m too embarassed to try get a diagnosis for Aspergers, I feel like there is a good chance that a test would come back negative due to my coping mechanisms and masking skills and because my brain just being semi-Aspie-somewhere-between-ADD-and-Aspie. I‘m at my wit‘s end.

[imlivingwithcfsme]

So i’ve made an appointment with the doctor about my motor and vocal tics (i’ve given myself concussion twice now because of them, and theyre becoming more upsetting and frustrating), and to talk about the possibility that I might have Aspergers (although I think its just called ASD now.....). 

I kinda always wondered, I’ve always struggled with making friends and keeping friends and knowing how to ‘act’ around and towards them. I’ve had (as my friends put it) ‘special interests’, around marvel, doctor who, hary potter, merlin, conkers, squirrels, supernatural, hamilton- theyve varied in length, but they take up more of my life than I know they should. Eye contact has always been painful for me, I have the 3 second rule to look at the eye and look away or i look at their eyebrows. I’ve overanalysed every single thing, and new situations and people make me really anxious, ever since I was a little kid, but my parents just ay I was incredibly shy. I was outgoing, dont get me wrong, and I would talk to people, but I didnt like being in that situation. I also have always struggled with light and noise being overwhleming. Yesterday I had a slight meltdown cause I was tired, it was bright in the kitchen, I was upset about tics and it was loud- my boyfriend found me in the bathroom in the dark rocking with my hands over my ears. I also had a meltdown about losing my dinner fork and my watch for uni. I also did the channel 4 quiz, and i know its only a quiz, but it said about aspergers (i have a shocking memory cause of my dyslexia though, so I cant remember what it said exactly).

But I know a lot of this could be just anxiety and that I’m an incredibly weird person (not a bad thing). Just, dunno, kinda nervous about it cause I dont want to waste their time if I dont have ASD. My ex-housemates, my current housemate whose known me since fresher year said that they think its a good idea, and my boyfriend said that no matter at least i know whether I have it or not.

[werewhulf]

aunty braided my hair and i feel so uncomfortable but ive left it in cos i dont wanna disappoint her