Who are the bad guys in Indiana Jones 5 gonna be?
1 and 3 had Nazis, 2 had an Indian warlord, 4 had Soviets, so I was convinced that 5 would be about the Viet Cong or the Cultural Revolution or Kim Il-Sung's North Korea, set somewhere in east Asia for sure, but recent developments imply it'll be set at least in part in the United States during the summer of 69. There's a chase scene through the Apollo 11 ticker tape parade in New York, and much of the cast is "German" (one Dane, one German, and one Dutchman; in Hollywood that means they're all interchangeably German)
You know what, as I was typing that I realized it'll probably be set in Apartheid South Africa. One of the actresses is Guyanese-American; there's no telling where her character is from by that fact alone, but the presence of all the Germanic actors has changed my mind. They're not German, they're actually Dutch. They're Afrikaners. Mads Mikkelsen is gonna play the owner of a blood diamond mine (just like Elon Musk's dad, no really, look it up), and he'll be searching for the Mystical Magical Unobtainable Emerald of M'Ghuffan which will grant him unlimited powers, and Indy has to return it to its people like the stones in Temple of Doom.
Conservatives will attack the movie as woke propaganda for saying racism is bad, but it'll be handled in that dumb tone deaf Disney way which is designed to appeal predominantly to white liberals and very few others. It's a schlocky popcorn movie, but everyone involved is gonna act like it has an Very Important Message™, "because really, it's about family, and that's what's so powerful about it." And Indy's goddaughter (presumably Sallah's daughter, because they're bringing him back too and it wouldn't make sense for her to be old dead Marcus Brody's) will inherit his mantle at the end, putting on his hat and embarking on her own adventures with this exact energy, but unironically:
It'll be insincere Disney pandering and conservatives will freak out even more about it. It could be done well, but it won't be. The focus groups won't let it. Kathleen Kennedy won't let it. Disney is physically incapable of letting it. Goddaughter Jones isn't gonna be a badass like Marion Ravenwood, she's gonna be a Strong Female Character™ like every Marvel heroine.
I haven't seen this movie, but I feel like I've seen it a million times.
