#mhakay

[mental-health-advice]

I think this is okay to ask, maybe not. Possible trigger warning? My dad touches me sometimes.. It's always through clothes but he'll slap my ass or touch my boobs or my hips shoulders or thigh. And he comments on my body a lot.. I don't know if this counts as anything illegal but it's been going on for a bit now and I don't know what to do..

Hey Love,

Anything you're struggling with that's related to mental health in any way is absolutely fine to ask.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, it must be awful and make you feel incredibly uncomfortable. Have you outwardly shown to your dad that you don't want to be touched? I don't want to excuse his actions, but as I only have some information I cant really say whether or not it's sexual or not.

I think that next time he touches you inappropriately, you can snap and say 'don't touch me'. Be frank, and don't let him get away with it.

If he's touching you in a sexual way, maybe you could tell another family member? If you can, tell your mother, or your dad's mother if possible. Choosing somebody with influence towards your dad and who you trust can be really helpful - if they see it happening they'll call him out or speak to him in private about it. If you don't know if any family members can help, you could try calling a hotline, speaking to somebody you trust at school or even going to the police and explaining what's happening.

I think it would be a good idea to visit your doctor to talk about therapy too. It sounds really scary to be experiencing this and not know what to do, and having somebody to see once a week to talk about how you're feeling and what effects its having can be really beneficial.

I hope this helps, and you find the help you need quickly.

Kay x

[mental-health-advice]

I recently sent in an ask but I have another question. I have a toxic friendship and I only realized this when I read about that in your blog. This has been going on since.. probably since day one. But when I think about it, I think I'm toxic too. I'm a bad friend. It's hard for me to open up emotionally and that friend... she says she's depressed.I can when she's hurt and depressed but I can never do anything as it's hard for me to open up. What do I do? -fuszymunch

Hey Love,

I hope we got to your other ask and the advice was what you needed.

I'm glad you're stepping back and looking at the relationships that you're in - it can be really helpful to sometimes take a minute and think about whether they're beneficial to you or not.

From what you've said, I'm not sure if I understand what you think is toxic? Toxic relationships are those that are hostile, make you feel like you can't be yourself, make you unhappy etc.. from what you've said it just seems like you're both having personal problems with depression and expressing how you feel.

Why do you think you're a bad friend? As long as you're there for your friend, make sure she knows that you're going to be there for her in the future and don't make her unhappy on purpose. Being unable to talk about your personal feelings doesn't make you a bad friend.

If you're hoping to open up to her, I can give you some tips!

Think about how you're feeling.Take some time to yourself to work out how you feel. You can always write it down if it will help, I always feel like writing stuff down takes it out of my mind and puts it on the paper so I don't get all confused.

Talk to her!Obviously this is the main step, and even though it seems super scary it's actually really easy. If you'e not good at talking to people in person about sensitive topics/how you're feeling, you can always text her. I find text a really good way to say things that are difficult - just be careful as some things can be read differently to how you meant them.

Listen to her.After you've opened up and told her how you feel, make sure she knows she can do the same. She might feel comfortable telling you some things too, and just having you to listen to her and know she always has someone to talk to is great. You don't have to have an answer for what she tells you - you're not a therapist and you don't have all the knowledge. Just understand how she feels, and don't feel like you have to answer. Sometimes silence and understanding is best.

Validate.Know that you're both allowed to feel the way that you do. You're both in your own places in life, but you might even be struggling with the same things - so support each other and make sure that you help each other to know that your feelings are real and allowed.

I hope this helps at least a little bit - if you need any more advice please send in another message and I'll try my best.

Kay x

[mental-health-advice]

(Mix here) I just realized you guys deal with LGBT as well? Okay, so I have a question. I'm more comfortable being called a guy, not really having breasts, etc, just generally more comfortable yet getting bottom surgery stuff isn't something I would like at all. I'm also ok w/ wearing dresses & I guess more girl stuff? Is this odd for a Trans-guy or? I just recently realized I was TRANS after seriously questioning myself. (Called myself genderfluid before.)

Hey Mix!

We try and help with everything possible, but we obviously focus mostly on mental health!Luckily, LGBTQ+ often involve mental health, so I'm happy to help!

I'm so happy that you've found what you're comfortable with!It's totally normal for someone identifying as male to not want bottom surgery. It can be a big step, scary, expensve, and sometimes you might not really want it.It all depends on how your dysphoria is presented. It seems that you could possibly have gender dysphoria from breasts but not your genitalia, so keeping it is perfectly fine!Some people may tell you that you're 'wrong' for not wanting surgery, but there are a lot of people out there with opinions that take over that little voice in their head that says 'hey this person is human with feelings', so please try to ignore them.

Gender Identity is about the IDENTIFICATION, not about the transitioning. There are many people out there who never transition, either due to money or they're just not as bothered by their genitalia as others, or something else. This doesn't make them any less of a trans person.

On the topic of still enjoying wearing dresses, and typical 'girly' stuff - this is perfectly fine! Things like dresses and makeup aren't gendered, so you can continue to wear/do things that society deem 'female' regardless of how you're identifying.

I have a friend who is trans, and enjoys wearing cute underwear made for girls, because it makes them feel good!

Everything you've said is totally 'normal' (Whatever that means for you), and you don't have to worry about it one bit. I hope this made some sort of sense and you feel a little bit relieved :)

Kay x

[mental-health-advice]

I live in England and I'm hoping to move to Belgium as soon as I can. I know this is a mental health blog but i have no idea where to look so i was wondering if anyone could point me in the right direction of who i could ask/talk to about this? Could you tag this with Starry please?

Hey Starry!

Sorry for the long wait, none of our admins really knew how to respond to this as it’s not mental health related and nobody in our current admin team has moved from the UK to Belgium. But, I’m going to try and answer it best I can. I read a lot about visas/moving country and I know a little bit about Belgium so hopefully my knowledge can give you the best advice. I don’t know who you can talk to in person, but I’ll help the best I can.

First, you have to think about what happens when you move country. You probably have already, but I just want to make sure - and this could help somebody else who’s considering moving away.

Family and Friends. This is always the top question someone gets when they want to move country. You’ll be far from home, and away from everyone you know. Fortunately, it’s only an hour or so journey from Dover to Calais, and then a few hours drive to wherever in Belgium you’d like to be. So, it’s not as detrimental as moving to a completely different part of the world but make sure you’re prepared for the nights when you’re a little lonely and need some support.

Language. Do you know the languages they speak in Belgium? There’s three basic, and then it gets a little bit more complicated. The three main languages over there are Dutch, Belgian French and German. Learning Dutch will make it much easier for you to live there.List of languages from the Wiki: West Flemish, East Flemish, Brabantian, Limburgish, Walloon, Picard, Champenois, Lorrain, Low Dietsch If English is your only language, you’ll be able to get by but you’ll most likely struggle. If you do know one of the languages they speak, then look into the right area of Belgium that the language is spoken.

Culture. Every country has their own culture and it’s always slightly different. Read into it, and decide whether you would be able to adapt easily.

Money.Do you have enough money to move country? You wont have any money support (unless your family back home help you), so you need to have enough savings to get you going and to survive until you find yourself a job.

Employment.Have you looked at what kind of jobs are available for you in Belgium?  Check the market if you haven’t, and see what kind of jobs are open that you could do. Referring back, it’s going to be really difficult for you if you can’t speak the language.

There’s other things to consider, but as Belgium is a part of Europe it’s not too different. Please research some more about moving country though!Have you looked up more information about Belgium? Learn more about the culture, their regions, the cost of living, climate, jobs, activities etc.

Once you’ve decided if it’s for you, you can look at moving! 

After you’re there, you have to go apply for residency at the local communal authorities so you can stay for more than 3 months.

I hope this all made sense. The best place to go honestly is the Embassy, as they’re experts on moving country and visas.  Good luck!

Kay x

[mental-health-advice]

my BEST FRIEND OF 12+ YEARS, who is also completely against any other sexuality but straight.. she acts so gay though, even though she swears up and down she isnt. she touched my boob the other day and I felt something. sexual attractiveness? I wanted her to keep going. I wanted to tell her I think im in love with her. but i know i never can. I can't be bisexual. I can't like girls. I CAN'T. i'm scared. -CONFESSIONhelpme

Hey Love,

I hope everything has been okay with you and your friend!

I’m so sorry about your situation, it sounds really distressing and confusing.

It’s sad that people these days are still against anything other than heterosexual,especially as there’s so many sexual orientations out there. Why do you think she’s against everything? Have you spoken to her about this? It could be a good idea to sit down with her and find out why she’s only for ‘traditional’ relationships and try and open her up to other types.

From personal experience, a lot of girls are very close with each other during high school and into their twenties - Obviously I don’t know your age so I can’t be too sure - even so close that other people believe they’re a lesbian. Touching other people’s boobs doesn’t indicate that she’s gay (or acting like it - you can’t act like a sexual orientation)

I think it might be a good idea to explore your own identity. It seems like you’re afraid to be anything other than straight, and this could be because of her opinion? There is absolutely nothing wrong with identifying as bisexual, if you feel like that’s what you are then maybe try and explore that.

It seems like you’re really scared of liking your friend, but this can be normal when you’re not sure about your sexuality. Looking to people around you and figuring out if you’re attracted to them is often how people discover the type of people they like.

I hope this all made sense and was helpful in some way. Please don’t be afraid to explore and if you feel like you’re bisexual, or anything else then that’s perfectly okay! If your friend isn’t okay with that, then maybe she doesn’t deserve to be your friend.

You got this,

Kay x

(Sorry I didn't see this was two parts!)

It sounds like you could be demisexual or grey-asexual, where you're only comfortable with sexual situations/attracted to somebody sexually if you're very close to the person. (Not everybody who you get close to you'll have attraction for)

As I said before, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being bisexual. Just because your family is against it doesn't mean you're not allowed.

[mental-health-advice]

Hi, I'm a lesbian polyamourous girl who is currently dating two girls. Right now I have been questioning my gender and feel as though I may be gender fluid. But I don't want to tell my girlfriends from fear that they might not accept me. Tag Alex

Hey Alex!

I hope you're doing okay, and everything has been good for you since you sent in your ask.

I know that it can be really confusing when you're questioning your gender identity, especially when you're in a relationship or intimate with anyone who might see you differently if you express how you're feeling.

I think it would be a good idea to explore it yourself, read into it some more, talk to other people who are gender fluid and explain how you're feeling. Obviously, it's essentially just a feeling you have and that can be really difficult to explain but talking to somebody with a similar experience can be really helpful.

If you end up deciding that you identify as another gender, I think it would be a good idea to sit down with your girlfriends and speak to them about it. Let them know how you're feeling, and that you don't think you identify as female.Hopefully they're open minded to gender identity etc, and should understand that it doesn't change you as a person. Unfortunately sometimes identifying as something other than what they're used to might scare them, and I believe that anyone who is afraid of something like that isn't worth it.

If my boyfriend broke up with me because I felt like I identified as something else, I'd be furious. You're still the same person, with the same feelings and personality - you're just figuring out who you really are.

I hope this all makes sense and you can have a conversation with them about it! It can be difficult but please be brave and know that even if they dont accept you there are plenty of people out there who will.

Kay x

[mental-health-advice]

Hi, if I applied to be a mod, how would I know if I've been accepted? Would you message me of Facebook or tumblr?

Hey Love,

We would send you a message on tumblr and ask you send a friend request to one of us, and then you’ll go from there!

Dont be afraid to send in more questions if you have them :) 

Kay x

[mental-health-advice]

Is there any way to become an admin without having a Facebook account?

Hey Love,

Unfortunately facebook is our primary way of communicating, so it’s needed to be an admin,

Luckily, it’s free and you can sign up really quickly! You can make one just for MHA, we don’t require you to have an active facebook account. 

You can read more about becoming an admin here!

Kay x