#miscent

[miscent]

you say you like me because i am dazzlingly bright, but lover i will burn you [x]

[miscent]

trauma is generational || [x]

[miscent]

The truth is that I want so badly to be close to you, but growing up we never had any time for emotion.

And even decades later, my brain is still an alarm set for dependence is dangerous, only I don't get to pick the hour.

I'm sorry for how I might hurt you when it finally goes off; for how quickly I will shut myself in once the minute hand meets the hour.

every second I get closer, I get closer to leaving || miscent

[miscent]

death cab for cutie x michaelangelo || miscent

[miscent]

these hands perform cheap parlour tricks; i disappear instead. [x]

[miscent]

I'm picturing the end of us before there's even been an us to begin with. I'm preparing myself for when you break my heart and I can't even be sure you want it yet.

broken people || miscent

[miscent]

surely, the vastness of the living breath astounds you just as it does me. so much variation, even though the criteria for life are so specific - there are seven of them, did you know? just so we can dismiss anything that doesn’t fall in as Big Bang fallout.

scientists are like that, we have a propensity to categorise.

but despite it all, a part of me still wonders if maybe the seven don’t always get it right. maybe, like how the light spectrum carries on far past our capacity for vision, there are living things we cannot make out no matter how powerful our lens. maybe all those hopes and fears and dreams - the places we long to go, the snippets of songs we won’t write or ideas for books we’ll never finish, even the jokes that only two people get - maybe they are alive in someway too.

surely, they must exist somewhere tangible outside of our own heads. when i let go of one dream to chase another, it would be comforting to know she continues on without me.

it would be comforting to know she finds someone new too.

when i am ready and i call into the great beyond and listen for my own echoed answer, will the infinitely possible be ready to call back instead? i know now that she is only a little bit bigger than me, and she is ready to be heard,

if only i am willing to say:

i am listening.

maybe even when we are lonely we are not alone after all | miscent

[miscent]

if i was a more poetic writer i might comment on the draw of us across the darkness. still, i know there's a chance i'm the only one subject to any pull at all.

the truth is that tracing the hollow of your thumb isn't enough for me when i know your whole hand is right there. is it strange how i want to run my fingers down every scar, and tell you that they don't make you damaged, they make you exquisite?

in the end, i won't ever get the chance to. this love story is a tale i have woven clean from nothing, and now i get to watch my heart bleed out across all of its empty pages.

a one-sided love story || miscent