#multi conscious entity

[crossroads-system]

Here's a reminder that getting to know your system isn't a race. Don't try to sprint through learning about each other. It takes time. It takes trust. And trust sometimes that trust has to be earned.

Don't stress yourselves out for not knowing every little thing about your system. We've been at this for years and we still learn new things about our system all the time.

Be easy on yourself. Give yourself some grace. You'll get there!

[crossroads-system]

So anyway. Some of the biggest steps we took on our healing journey were:

1. Finding a culturally competent therapist. I cannot tell you the absolute game changer that was. FOURTEEN YEARS of therapy on and off with predominantly white therapists who couldn't understand how race and ethnicity played into my trauma lead to very little progress. And frankly, inappropriate takes and comments. Our first therapist who came from a similar culture and could actually identify those connections lead to more understanding and healing in the first few months than the previous fourteen fucking years. Seriously. Culturally competent therapist are a god sent.

2. Was reconnecting with our tribe and learning from our medicine person. Just having conversations about the place of plurality within our specific culture and the roles it plays truly helped us move past alot of lingering dissociative barriers. It's also reshaped how we interact with each other and has brought with it a sense of harmony we struggled to maintain beforehand.

One of these days we may share a more nuanced explanation of the second point but don't feel like it right now.

[crossroads-system]

The over medicalization of plurality is harmful.

Fakeclaiming of systems that differ from your own is harmful.

Questioning the validity of systems with good communication or few disruptive traits (i.e. dissociation, dissociative amnesia, memory blocks) is fucking harmful.

The hyper/sole focus on how traits of Dissociative Identity Disorder can be a burden is harmful.

Claiming only disordered systems are valid is harmful.

Truly I don't understand how others don't see it. The DID part of the plurality community in particular is so focused on proving that other systems suffer and that the suffering is what makes you truly DID that they completely forget to ask themselves what a systems might look like after they've healed or worked past dissociative barriers. So much surrounding syscourse is so fixated on providing your trauma was severe enough or that your life is disrupted enough to qualify as a system to others. But what about systems who've healed?

Syscourse is so quick to call functional systems fake that it seems like many truly believe you can't have multiplicity without being severely disordered. Not only is that categorically not true but it perpetuates the idea that you can never heal. That you can never overcome the symptoms of DID that are most disruptive. That you can't find harmony or equilibrium with your system.

Systems can heal from their trauma. Systems can coexist in harmony. Plurality DOES NOT need to be painful. Functional multiplicity is real and attainable.

Plurality is not inherently disordered.

I could go on but I don't want to write a book. Open to questions, comments, etc.

[crossroads-system]

Decided to write up what it feels like for me (and some of my fellow headmates) to be inner world while also being aware of our physical self. We've been thinking about writing more detailed accounts of our inner world for a while. So for now, here's the first entry for:

Tales from the Crossroads System

The sensation of being two places at once remains a bizarre yet fascinating phenomena. The weight of my body in bed. The warmth and pressure of the blanket draped over me as I adjust to find relief from the never relenting pain my physical body always seems to be in. I am present and aware of the physical world and my existence in it.

But there's another layer. A purely internal existence that I become all too aware of in the waning hours of the evening. I feel myself unfurl as I stretch and adjust inner world. Regaining control of a form that feels much more familiar to me. Much more myself.

My eyes are closed as I lay in bed and adjust my blankets.

As I open my eyes to a reality that is private to me, yet populated with those closest to me; those I don't know very well; and those that frankly I avoid (but care for all the same). It's a vast and expensive reality that I know and love. It's sprawling forests and painted skys. It's multitude of layers and areas that cater specifically to the groups that live there.

I reaclimate outside the fronting room. Grounding myself against the rough and familiar bark of one of the anchor trees. My fingers finding familiar paths through its thick channeled bark. I breathe deeply and with relief as the scene of the fresh forest air fills my lungs. The revitalizing and ever present smell of petrichore like a caress to my overstimulated mind. The feel of soft, welcoming moss beneath my feet as it becons me to walk its winding paths back to where my friends reside. Down paths of light streaked forests towards the gateways to the worlds beyond. I traverse some with relative ease. Others are like wild adventures I've yet to embark on.

I adjust in bed as my pets claim my foot space. Chuckling at the sounds of my roommate trying to quite the video game they're playing instead of sleeping.

I decend deeper into other worlds. The vividness of these realities crystal clear even as I'm aware of the reality I have stepped away from. Someone else is at the helm now.

I walk cobbled streets and stop to talk to my friends. We chat about those we haven't seen in an age and those who are new. We share stories about other areas we've each explored and the people we've met there. We have tea and cakes and laugh as the littles run around town on yet another adventure. I breathe easier here. I exist easier here.

I smile and relax as I watch the whales breach and dance through the clouds. Their striking pigmentation and gental disposition as they swim high above our heads a loving reminder how special this place is.

I glance up towards the mountains and out over the rolling fields as I ponder on where to go and who to visit while I'm back. I have a life here. I have friends here. I have adventures here.

My time fronting fades into the background. Present but more like an alter that doesn't want to be noticed. I can check in if and when I want but I know the others have it covered. I'm free to just be me.

[crossroads-system]

This is a reminder that you do not need to share every experience about your system/plurality with the world. There are experiences that may be extremely personal. Things that are special and private and that is beautiful.

You do not need external validation to love the private parts of your system/plurality.

There are experiences that I absolutely adore that I would never write up as a blog post. It would be so demeaning to put certain experiences out there where people might leave hate.

This goes for headmates too. Not every headmate needs to be revealed on or have a media presence (especially Littles) for their own safety and well-being.

There is peace in keeping some things private. Or at least off the cesspool that the internet can be.

There are plenty of things that only a privileged few will ever know about us and that's beautiful.

[crossroads-system]

Another huge factor that helped us overcome dissociative barriers in our system was meeting and interacting with both systems who had reached functional multiplicity and those who considered themselves non-disordered. It gave our system a reference on what our plurality could look like once we delt with the C-PTSD and dissociative symptoms that permeated our system and cut off our lines of communication to each other.

Seeing other systems thrive not just irl but within their own system. Building connections, relationships, communication and community had a huge impact on how we approached each other and our healing.

It was/is an invaluable resource that we wish more people had access to/were open to seeing.

[crossroads-system]

A letter to endogenic and other non-disordered systems:

As someone DXed with DID I just have to say a deep and genuine thank you to endogenic/non-disordered systems. Both those I've seen here and the few I know in real life.

Seeing how a system can function without the severe trauma symptoms that use to plague my system illuminated the way out of a very dark time for our system. Seeing how y'all love and cherish your plurality taught us to stop fighting each other. Seeing how you navigated the world as a collective has helped us conceptualize and reach towards our own functional multiplicity.

You helped show us that we didn't have to live in our trauma to be valid. You helped us move past over pathologizing our collective existence and focus on our real issues; the plethora of trauma responses we were all suffering from.

Y'all were a beacon in a dark and tumultuous storm. Y'all helped us realize that our infighting was just going to cause us to capsize.

Seeing systems living harmoniously showed us it was possible.

So once again. Thank you for being you. Thank you for existing.

[crossroads-system]

Would love to build community with other Indigenous systems. If you're out there please feel free to send an ask or dm us.